Chapter Text
It was Billys first day of elementary school. He had no friends, which meant nobody to hang out with.
He sat at lunch alone surrounded by other kids laughing and playing.
Billy watched them with envy.
He got up and built the courage to ask them if he could join, but instead ran headfirst into one of his classmates, landing right on his back. Billy picked himself back up to check on the boy he just previously bumped into.
The boy was laughing; despite his scraped knees the kid was still smiling.
Billy gave him a hand to lift him up, he took it with a faint, “Thank you”
The boy didn’t walk off after. He just stood there. Staring into Billy's eyes. Billy was half creeped out, half confused. Then he realised that this could be his chance to finally make a friend.
“Um…my names Billy. Billy Showalter. Would you like to be my friend?”
The blonde remained quiet for a few seconds, then spoke.
“I’m Griffin Stagg.” He gave Billy a smile but no response. So, he just took it as a yes.
Billy and Griffin stayed like that for years. Hang outs, sleepovers, shared drinks. They were almost inseparable. Until about second grade. That’s when Billy found, Mandy.
Mandy was probably the dream best friend. She was honest, loyal and an overall genius. She liked reading, always aced her tests so those were never a worry to her. But when Griffin and Billy drifted apart, to Griffin, Mandy seemed more like a ‘love interest’ which meant Giffin had no choice but to give up.
He couldn’t beat Mandy for the place of Billy's best friend, as Mandy always overshone Griffin.
He lost all touch of Billy after third grade.
Highschool was when he decided to make his move.
Griffin had always loved Billy, even more than a friend. He realised it at a very early age that he had feelings for Billy. As they got older, they still wouldn’t go away.
He knew Billy would reject him right away if he confessed to his face. So instead, he wrote a letter.
Clearly that was the better option.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
Stagg…
The name was so familiar to Billy, yet he couldn’t put his finger on it. He had met a Stagg before, not sure when, not sure where. Gosh, he gets the easiest hint and can’t even crack it.
The only way he could solve this was with Mandys help.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
The next day, Billy arrived at school with dark bags under his eyes. He hadn’t gotten any sleep due to late night thinking.
Mandy rushed to his side.
“Holy shit, dude. Bad night?”
Ignoring Mandys question, Billy went straight to investigating. “Do you remember anyone by the last name, ‘Stagg’?”
“Stagg? As in Griffin Stagg? You know the one from elementary.”
Of course, Mandy knows who that is. She seemed good at everything.
Though something wasn’t making sense. Whether it was the fact this was too easy to find out, or that he couldn’t believe his old best friend had been his secret admirer this whole time. It partly made sense, the number of times he had said “you wouldn’t remember me” or something along the lines of that, and how he knew so much about Billy.
Griffin Stagg…
He could have a brother?
Low chance. Why was Billy denying that it was Griffin. It made some sort of sense the more he thought about it.
What ever happened to Griffin. Billy left him in the dust then never spoke to him again.
Gosh he never felt such guilt. Billy not once realized how much he truly did miss Griffin. All the times they spent together, the laughs and smiles they shared. No matter how many times Griffin could drive him mad with his annoying personality, he still loved hanging around him. Griffin always acted like a goofball, but he really was an insecure guy. Billy couldn’t imagine what he felt like after he left.
Billy was a real selfish guy, and that would stick with him or a bit.
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“So, Griffins your boy, huh?”
The voice snaps Billy out of his so very confused mind.
“Could be.” He replied.
Mandy raised an eyebrow.
“Could be?”
Billy looked down at his phone. The message was still sitting on his screen. He had read it so many times that he practically knew every word of their conversation that night.
“I mean… it has to be him, right?” Billy asked.
Mandy shrugged.
“I’m not positive, but who else’s last name is ‘Stagg’”
Billy sighed. That was true.
He locked his phone and shoved it into his pocket.
“I just don't understand why he would do this whole mystery person type thing.”
“Maybe because he likes you?”
Billy immediately looked at her.
“Yeah, obviously. But why wouldn't he just tell me?”
Mandy gave him a look.
“Billy, you haven't talked to him in years.”
“Exactly.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“And maybe he was scared.”
Billy went quiet.
That answer made more sense than he wanted it to.
He remembered Griffin from elementary school. The stupid jokes. The way he used to make funny faces whenever the teacher turned around. The way he would always save Billy a seat at lunch.
And then there was the last day they had ever really spoken.
Billy couldn't remember exactly what they had argued about. It was something stupid. Probably something about Mandy.
Back then, Billy didn't think much of it. Now, it bothered him.
“What if it really is him?” Billy asked quietly.
Mandy leaned against the locker beside him.
“Then you should probably talk to him.”
Billy swallowed.
“Talk to him?”
“Yes.”
“Like… actually talk to him?”
Mandy rolled her eyes.
“No, Billy. You should communicate through interpretive dance.”
Billy laughed despite himself.
“Okay, okay. I'll talk to him.”
“Good.”
Billy started walking away.
“Where are you going?” Mandy called.
“To find Griffin!”
“Billy!”
He stopped.
“You don't even know where he is!”
Billy slowly turned around.
“Oh.”
Mandy sighed.
“You really haven't changed.”
“Thanks.”
“That wasn't a compliment.”
Billy grinned and walked back toward her.
For the rest of the morning, Billy couldn't focus. Every class felt twice as long. He kept thinking about Griffin.
What would he even say?
Hey, remember me? I ignored you for years and now I think you're the person whose secretly in love with me.
Yeah. That sounded horrible.
Hi, Griffin. You’re the only ‘Stagg’ I know, are you the one that sent me this?
Way too direct.
Billy groaned and dropped his head onto his desk.
The teacher stopped talking.
“Billy?”
He lifted his head.
“Yes?”
“Are you feeling alright?”
“Uh yeah, I’m fine.”
“You've been staring at the same page for ten minutes.”
Billy looked down. He had his math book open and it was upside down.
“Oh.”
A few students laughed.
Billy quickly turned the book around.
The bell finally rang, and Billy practically jumped out of his seat. He had one more class before lunch. That was when he would find Griffin.
At least, that was the plan.
But when Billy walked into the hallway, he saw Griffin standing by the windows.
Alone.
Billy stopped walking.
His heart suddenly started beating faster.
Griffin was looking outside, his hands in his pockets. He looked almost exactly the same as Billy remembered, but also different.
Older.
Quieter.
And he definitely grew into his looks.
Billy stared at him for a few seconds.
Then Griffin turned.
Their eyes met.
Billy immediately looked away.
Great.
So much for courage.
He started walking in the opposite direction.
“Billy.”
Billy froze. He slowly turned around.
Griffin was looking directly at him.
“Yeah?”
Griffin wasn’t playing a little. The serious look on his face making it clear.
“Can we talk?”
“...”
Billy scratched the back of his neck. “Uh. Sure”
Griffin walked closer.
Billy looked around the hallway. There were students everywhere. He didn't want everyone listening.
“Let’s talk somewhere else though.”
“Sure.”
They walked outside behind the school.
It was quiet there.
Billy stood with his hands in his pockets, trying to figure out how to start.
Griffin waited.
“So…”
“So,” Griffin repeated.
“Last night.”
Griffin's face changed. Just for a second. But Billy noticed.
“Billy. I came to you today because I knew you’d find me out from that last hint.”
Griffin looked away.
“So, it was you.”
“Don’t act stupid that’s my thing, Stagg isn’t the most common last name Billy, it was pretty obvious.”
“Not to me. Mandys the one who figured that out.”
Griffin's eyes widened.
“You talked to Mandy about this?”
“Yeah.”
“Of course you did.”
Billy frowned. “What does that mean?”
“Nothing.”
“No, Griffin. Seriously. What does that mean?”
Griffin looked at him.
For the first time, Billy saw something in his eyes that he couldn't understand.
It wasn't anger.
It was hurt.
“Griffin…”
“You were my best friend.”
“I know.”
“No, you don't.”
Billy looked down. Griffin continued.
“We used to do everything together. Remember? You hated sleeping at my house because I had two kittens and you hate cats.”
Billy smiled slightly.
“I do.”
“And you used to steal all the blankets.”
“I did not.”
“You absolutely did.”
Billy laughed. So did Griffin.
It was the same laugh.
Billy remembered it instantly.
For some reason, that made his chest hurt.
In that moment, everything felt normal.
Just like elementary school.
Then Griffin's smile faded.
“And then you met Mandy.”
Billy's smile disappeared too.
“Griffin…”
“I knew I couldn't compete with her.”
“You didn't have to.”
“Clearly I did, Billy.” “Because you never came back to me. You stuck with Mandy the whole way through.”
“Why couldn’t you just tell me, Griffin.”
Griffin looked nervous. He shoved his hands deeper into his pockets.
“Because I couldn't say it.”
“Say that you liked me?”
Griffin looked at him.
The silence between them felt enormous.
“You like me,” Billy whispered.
Griffin looked away.
“I did.”
Billy blinked.
“Did?”
“I still do.”
Relief ran through Billy, he didn’t know how he felt about Giffin just yet, but he sure didn’t want Griffin giving up on his feelings. He had imagined this moment so many times since reading the text. In every version, he knew exactly what to say.
Now that Griffin was standing right in front of him, all of those words disappeared.
Griffin took a breath.
“You don't have to say anything.”
Billy looked at him.
“But I do.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I already know what you're going to say.”
Billy frowned.
“How?”
“Because it's always been the same.”
Griffin gave a small, sad smile.
“You never saw me that way.”
Billy's chest tightened.
“I don't know.”
Griffin looked surprised.
“What?”
“I don't know if that's true.”
“What do you mean?”
Billy looked down at the dirt that he was awkwardly shifting around with his feet.
“I don't know what I feel.”
Griffin stayed quiet.
Billy took a deep breath.
“But I know I miss you.”
Griffin stared at him.
“I miss the way things used to be. I miss hanging out with you. I miss your stupid jokes.”
“My jokes weren’t stupid.”
“They were.”
Griffin smiled. Billy smiled too.
Then Billy's expression became serious again.
“And I'm sorry.”
Griffin looked at him.
“For what?”
“For leaving.”
Billy swallowed.
“I should've tried harder. I should've reached out. I should've talked to you instead of just… letting you disappear.”
Griffin didn't respond.
Billy wasn't sure if he was angry or sad.
Maybe both.
Finally, Griffin said, “You really mean that?”
Billy nodded.
“Yeah.”
Griffin looked down.
Then he laughed softly.
“You're still an idiot.”
Billy smiled.
“I know.”
“But…”
Griffin looked back at him.
“Maybe you can make it up to me.”
Billy raised an eyebrow.
“How?”
“Start with lunch.”
“Lunch?”
“You owe me.”
Billy laughed.
“You're seriously making me buy you lunch?”
“Absolutely.”
Billy shook his head.
“Fine.”
They started walking back toward the school. After a few steps, Billy looked over at Griffin. For the first time in years, Billy could actually talk to him again. He was walking beside his old best friend, and it felt better than anything had ever felt.
Maybe things weren't going to go back to how they used to be.
Maybe they weren't supposed to.
But Billy knew one thing.
He wasn't going to lose Griffin again.
If anything, he’d only be getting closer to him.