Chapter Text
What is this feeling, so sudden and new? I felt the moment I laid eyes on you. My pulse is rushing, my head is reeling, my face is flushing! What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame, does it have a name?
"Guess who was at the ATC meeting today."
"Who?"
"No, I told you to guess." Clarke rolled her eyes in the other room. She had returned to her apartment earlier than Raven had, and she could hear her on a rampage in the living room. Clarke peaked around the kitchen entryway to see Raven's bag and jacket thrown haphazardly onto the floor. Octavia, who had been on the couch studying, had her textbook closed with a highlighter holding her place as she played along with Raven's guessing game.
"Lea Michele?" Octavia offered.
"No, what?" Raven asked incredulously. "Why would Lea Michele be at our meeting?"
"I don't know! She was in Spring Awakening! Why are you having me guess?"
"Lexa," Clarke stated flatly as she walking to the chair adjacent to the couch. She stirred the honey into her tea as she walked, plopping unceremoniously into the chair and reaching for her tablet.
"Wait, Lexa as in Lexa Woods? THE Lexa?" Octavia asked, interest suddenly piqued. Raven nodded excitedly.
"Alright, you can drop the 'THE,' she's not Ohio State."
"I heard she got an offer to play for them, though," Octavia retorted and Raven nodded in corroboration.
"No she didn't," Clarke shot back. The duo stared at her for a second, eyes begging for more information, Raven with a smirk on her lips. "I mean, come on, why would she be playing here if she could play for Ohio State?"
Both other girls rolled their eyes. "So?" Octavia led. "What was she doing there? Did she bring that cute halfback with her? You know I've been trying to get with him."
Raven made a psuedo gagging noise at the last comment. "First of all, gross, leave poor Lincoln out of this. You're getting to stalker levels with him."
"Following him on instagram is not stalker levels, especially if he follows you back," she winked. "Anyway, did Woods suddenly get an interest in theater?"
"Doubtful." All eyes instantly darted to Clarke. She grimaced slightly, knowing she should have just kept her mouth shut. "I had theater appreciation with her last semester. She didn't go to a single show, had someone go in her place."
"Less interesting." Octavia nodded with Raven's words. "Anyway, she's my new ASM."
"You're kidding."
"I absolutely am not, O. You know that fight she got into at that frat house? Turns out she has to do community service. They said she could just build sets but I said she could get more hours in if she stage manages."
"Dammit dude!" Octavia slapped Raven's arm playfully as Raven plopped next to her on the couch. "I knew I should have done tech for this show. Stupid assistant director position."
"Always do tech. We're the best," Raven teased.
"You're just happy because you want someone on crew to rap Hamilton with you," Clarke retorted flatly.
"Wait, have you heard something? Can she rap?" Clarke blinked slowly, keeping her eyes on her tablet, as she decided to not dignify that with a response. "Whatever, never mind. I was just thinking that I'll use my alone time with Miss Woods to seduce her."
"Ew, god, just leave her alone," Clarke pleaded looking up for the first time since she sat down.
"Oh my bad, Clarkey. I didn't realize you had dibs."
"I don't have dibs, she's a person, Raven. Besides I don't even like her and...whatever." Clarke stood up to leave the room for her bedroom, shoving her notes and tablet into one hand, her quickly cooling tea in the other.
"Don't worry, princess!" Raven called after her. "I'll just warm her up for you!"
The slam of Clarke's door reverberated throughout the apartment, the other girls' giggles filling its aftershocks.
Clarke decided to audition on the second day, Friday, and early in the multi-hour audition window. She'd weighed the pros and cons of doing such, primacy bias versus recency bias, avoiding the potential she would have to follow someone who was more talented than her versus the potential they'd already fallen in love with some other actor. In the end, ease of auditioning that evening won out. Also the directors knew her, and while they (probably) wouldn't stoop to nepotism, they knew what she was capable of. And she knew the book, she knew she could do well in a role and would probably at least get a callback. It's not cocky if it's true, she convinced herself.
As per usual, a table was set up outside the audition room, where the stage managing team would sit and direct traffic into the actual auditions. A small gathering was around the table, which also wasn't out of the ordinary.
The person sitting there, however, was not par for the course.
Lexa sat rigidly straight behind the table, a few stacks of paper before her. As Clarke got closer, she realized that the girls crowding around were more interested in the girl sitting there than the reason she was sitting there.
"So, like, is it hard to stay so in shape?" a girl with brown hair and low cut top asked, awkwardly leaning over the short table to stroke Lexa's upper arm.
"Not really. I've played sports since I was a kid. Both of my parents were athletes so I took after them, exercise regiment and all." She was direct and calm in her answer. The brunette's chest was practically falling out of her push-up bra, but Lexa didn't seem to notice. Or care.
"Nooo, really?" The girl sitting on the table was the next to speak, a beautiful girl with a medium skin tone but light eyes. She drew out her words an excessive amount, objectively less cute, her face full of awe. Lexa shrugged and nodded, confirming that what she said was in fact true, while dismissing the idea that it was so ludicrous.
"You should take that off, show us what you've got under there," the third girl, a (dyed) blonde with too much makeup, teased, walking around the table to tug lightly at Lexa's hoodie through her giggles. She had her hand on Lexa's back now and Clarke resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Were these girls angling for a four-some or competing for her?
"No thanks, I'm more comfortable keeping my clothes on in public." Either way, Lexa clearly wasn't interested. Or was playing extremely hard to get.
"Oh, then maybe you should get even more comfortable, back at my place..."
Clarke cleared her throat loudly at that, causing the other girls to jump and Lexa's eyes to meet hers.
"Hi, I'm here to actually audition for the musical," Clarke stated. The girls rolled their eyes unabashedly. How cute, Clarke thought.
"Oh, right of course." She shuffled some papers around on the table, getting herself more situated now that the trio of obnoxious flirts had backed off slightly. They didn't move away completely, despite the daggers Clarke's eyes were throwing. It wasn't that she cared that they were flirting with Lexa. That wasn't her business. But they were clogging up the line of people who were there to audition. And Lexa was clearly not doing her job with those distractions around. Picking up on the tension, Lexa spoke again. "Do you mind?"
The girls understood immediately, moving quickly away from the table.
"Of course not, producer," Flirt #1 drawled in a sexy tone. "I wouldn't want to get in the way of all your big important business. Besides, you have my number." She winked as she led the pack away from the table, a few "Bye Lexi"s thrown over shoulders for good measure.
Clarke let out a frustrated huff, while Lexa frantically fixed the mess she and the girls made on the table, straightening out pens and contact sheets. "You know you're not the producer, right?"
"Yes, I'm aware." Lexa looked up then, as Clarke stared at her harshly. The pause warranted Lexa speaking once again. "It's not my fault they don't listen when I say I'm the Assistant Stage Manager."
"Of course not," Clarke mocked. Lexa's harsh and unreadable stare was unwavering.
"Anyway, you said you were here to audition. We currently have a few people ahead of you, but it gives you time to fill out this audition form." She handed over a sheet with some questions about availability, vocal range and an optional spot for what role the person was auditioning for. "If you have a theatrical resume or a headshot, please give that to me when you return this. Please also put your name and contact information here." She slid over an "Audition Contact Sheet" with name, phone number and a space to check off when the person auditions. "While it is recommended that you audition with a song from a modern musical, there is no restriction on that. The audition will be a cappella." Clarke filled in the form on the table quickly as Lexa spoke, before taking the audition form and starting to walk away.
"Wait, Clarke!" A voice called out after her. "You also have to read this Sensitive Material Disclaimer." She held out an additional sheet towards Clarke.
"It's okay, I already know what to expect," Clarke responded, turning back around to find a seat.
"It is really important that you read this. There are issues covered in this musical that may be triggering or hard to process and..."
"Look, Lexa. It's really cute that you are doing this and want to help, but trust me, I know this musical inside and out, and I know what I'm getting myself into." Her words may have been condescending, but that was neither here nor there.
"The Production Staff has strictly advised that all auditioners, regardless of personal background, read and consent to this form." Lexa was now here, and looming over a seated Clarke. Her voice was lower than before, authoritative but not exactly angry. "It is non-negotiable."
The notice landed on her stack of papers, obstructing her view as she filled out the audition form. As Lexa stalked back to her seat behind the table, her back turned to Clarke, Clarke crinkled up the paper. She could tell Lexa heard it by the way she clenched her fist.
By the time Clarke was called up for her audition, Raven had returned to her spot behind the table, lounging in a way that was a polar opposite to the girl sitting next to her. "Alright, Griff, you ready?"
Clarke nodded, handing over the sheets she filled out. "Here's my audition form, my resume and my headshot, not that anyone would forget what I look like." She jokingly winked as Raven stood up and accepted the items.
"Cool, cool, did you sign the disclaimer? I need that too, for legal reasons or whatever." Clarke stilled for a second and considered lying that she never got a form, but Lexa's steely eyes stared right through her.
"Yeah, right here," she muttered, pulling a squashed and crinkled ball of paper out of her back pocket. She unraveled it under the watchful eyes of stage management, signing the bottom sloppily. Lexa said nothing but Clarke swore she saw her corner of her lips tick up in a small smirk as she watched.
"Do I want to know?" Raven asked, but no one answered.
Instead, Raven simply led her to a conference room, a few steps down the hall. She knocked, introduced Clarke to the table of directors and left, but not before she bumped shoulders with Clarke, muttering "I will get it out of you."
Octavia noticed the interaction but was unable to ask about it before the audition began.
"I'll be singing some bars from Defying Gravity."
"So, are you going to explain this?" Raven asked, slamming the crinkled up Sensitive Material Disclaimer on the kitchen table in front of Clarke.
"What's that?" Octavia asked, looking up from her textbook for the first time since she got back from auditions. Raven had hung back a little later, photocopying some sides and setting up the rehearsal space in preparation for callbacks the next day. "Is that what you two were muttering about before the audition?"
"Oh yeah it is! It's the disclaimer Clarke was supposed to sign and return to the Pro Staff that she arbitrarily demolished." She walked into the kitchen and starting rooting through the fridge.
"I didn't know I needed it," she shrugged, suddenly enthralled in her notes.
"Come on, Clarke! I sat next to Lexa the Android for five hours tonight, and heard her give the exact same spiel over a dozen times. I know for a fact she said the same thing to you about how you have to read it over."
"You don't know that," she muttered, not lifting her eyes.
Raven slammed the fridge shut so harshly the half full liquor bottles on the top rattled and clanged into each other. "I'm not having this argument with you." She took a big sip out of the juice bottle she pulled from the fridge. "But even if she didn't explicitly say you needed to sign it, since when are you someone to go against the crew? Are you becoming a diva in your old age?"
"You're two years older than me, so shut it." Raven shrugged at that. "And I'm not a diva! I just told her that I didn't need to read it; I know about the stuff in the musical. She was the one being rude!"
"Again, I highly doubt the girl who is half robot was being rude.."
"Oh, Rae. Poor naive little bird," Octavia cut her off, in a comically sweet tone. "Clearly this is all some facade because Clarke is in love with her."
"I'm not in love with her!"
"Ehh," they replied in unison, with coordinated shrugs and wavering hand motions.
"Well whatever it is that's going on, you better leave it at the door for callbacks." Raven took a seat at the table then, toeing her boots off as she leaned back in the chair.
"Wait, I got a callback?"
"Have you not checked your email?" Her tone was flat, mocking almost as she leaned forward a touch to fiddle with her leg brace.
"I haven't gotten an email yet," she said but quickly checked her phone to confirm before holding it up for Raven. "See? Nothing."
"Well, shit," she sighed. "Congrats?" She smiled apologetically.
Clarke shook her head as a grin lit up her cheeks.
Callbacks were held the next day, the Saturday following auditions. As Raven had spilled, Clarke got a callback and was told she would be reading sides for a few roles, Ilse, Martha and the leading woman, Wendla. The callbacks were held at the rehearsal space, rather than the student center that held auditions. It was walking distance from a campus bus stop and though it looked like a run down supply building, it was actually a (recently converted) slightly-less-run-down-than-before rehearsal space, with wide open rooms and no WiFi (god bless public education).
Clarke arrived 5 minutes before call time, which was basically a half hour early for her. Raven let her in (she is the stage manager after all) and she made her way to the main room. A light buzz filled the air, the outgoing nature of theater kids mixed with the excitement of being called back filling everyone with a certain energy, both nervous and ecstatic.
Right at 10 AM, the director, a nice kid in his junior year, Monty Green, called everyone to gather around. He introduced his Pro Staff, as the stage managers began to pass around a sign in sheet, and told them that once they sign in, to make their way over to the keyboard for a vocal warm. Harper McIntyre, the musical director, led them through scales and tongue twisters before giving the ok, with a nod of her head to the other directors that it was time to begin.
The keyboard was moved into the back room, along with the directors. Raven and Lexa stood outside, corralling the actors into a single area.
"Hello everyone, and welcome to callbacks. Congrats, you did it, you're all stars, yada yada," Raven spoke casually as she sat atop a table. Lexa was quietly whispering to the crowd as she passed out sheets of paper. "My lovely assistant, Lexa over there, is handing out some sides for all of you. Tell her what your callback is for and don't lie because she has a list and we don't have enough sheets of music for everyone to be here for Melchior and Wendla. That means you, Murphy."
Murphy smirked. "How do you know I'm not here for Wendla?" Raven rolled her eyes before continuing.
"Everyone will have a little one on one time to practice your music with Harper but less time to run lines. Try to practice in any down time you have. You don't have to memorize your lines but they expect you to be comfortable with them. Be social and rehearse with those around you, they may be your future cast mates. Also, it will be a long day. If you want to order pizza, pepperoni is my favorite. Don't buy pizza for the directors, they will see through your ruse and instead, buy more for me. Decisions will be made by the Pro Staff immediately following callbacks so keep up with the ATC website and have your phones on, because a director will call to offer you a role before it is put online. If you have any questions, ask me or Lexa but mostly me because she's never done this before. Anyway, break legs, but not mine because it's already fucked. I'll be around, dismissed."
"Clarke, right?" Lexa saddled up to her as soon as Raven finished her talk. Clarke nodded. "You're here for..." She started scanning down the list of names.
"Wendla, Ilse and Martha," Clarke finished for her. "And how do you know my name?"
"You told me your name at the audition," she stated as she handed Clarke the pile of papers. "I also met you in class."
"Right, the class that you went to only once."
"The shows interfered with my practice schedule."
"Which makes it a great elective to take." Lexa stared at her then, lips slightly pursed and her eyebrows drawn together. "Sarcasm."
"Right." She nodded. "Well anyway, I should..." She gestured to the few others who had yet to get their papers.
"Yeah, you really should..."
"HEY Clarke." A loud voice interrupted her and an arm slung around her shoulder. Lexa took Raven's entrance as her cue to exit. "How about we go talk about that thing with the thing over...ok she's gone. Could you not flirt with her for like 30 seconds so she can do her job?"
"I'm NOT..."
"...flirting with her, yes I know," Raven finished. "But you are holding her up so, like, chill. Go rehearse with someone or better yet, order me a pizza."
"It's 10 AM."
"Fine, a pizza bagel then," she clarified.
"You have a one-track mind."
"Hey, rude!" Raven huffed and swatted at her. Clarke started to walk away as she called out after her. "It's at least two tracks: pizza, and hot people!"
As expected, auditions lasted all day. Because of the roles Clarke was there for, she wasn't dismissed early either. Strangely enough, the people who were dismissed early were hanging back in abnormal numbers. Clarke was sitting in the back of the room, listening to the Spring Awakening soundtrack on repeat when she noticed that the room wasn't thinning out.
In fact there was a dense crowd around none other than Lexa Woods. There were a bunch of girls (whose names Clarke didn't know) hanging around her, and a handful of guys as well. While none of these people were openly flirting, it was causing a small ruckus. Even Octavia's brother, Bellamy, who had stopped by to drop off food for her a while back, was still hanging around. His voice carried over the crowd, egging Lexa on to "Show us! Come on, just real quick."
Clarke watched then, as Lexa squatted down with a water bottle in hand, then snapped up and walked sideways back a few steps, water bottle held before her chest. She mimicked a throwing motion after looking rapidly around the room, then shrugged before taking her seat again. Bellamy clapped her on the shoulder and shortly after, Raven noticed he was there and shooed him out, talking about how he was supposed to be at work, making sure the campus was safe.
Clarke went back to her scenes then, when a figure plopped down in her peripherals.
"Clarke!" A voice rang out while a strong hand shook her by her shoulder. "Did you really think you would get away with ignoring everyone today?"
"Miller!" She threw her arms around him in a quick and awkward side hug. "I would never purposefully ignore you. Just trying to get into the zone, you know, 'method act.'" She put finger quotes around her last phrase for emphasis.
"Right, you're still up to read for Wendla." He tapped her script with his with a smile. "Maybe she'd have a minute for Melchior?"
She smiled back at him. He was handsome and kind, an irresistible combination (even though he had an exclusive interest in men), and she didn't even mind how he broke her from her focus. "Maybe she would."
They ran through the scene a few times before they started to talk, out of character. They swapped advice for each other, but mostly they were excited for one another. Miller did a nice job as Melchior, and Clarke hoped he would get the role, and he shared how he felt the same way about her. They talked about the characters, the play and about what kind of feast they'd have once they could finally leave auditions.
A bout of laughter erupted from the far side of the room, where Lexa had her head bowed, a certain redness covering her cheeks and the tips of her ears. The back room door whipped open where an angry Octavia shushed them while Raven flipped her off. Clarke rolled her eyes at the disturbance.
"Have you had a chance to talk with Lexa much?" Miller asked, returning his gaze from Lexa and friends to Clarke.
"Not really, she's always surrounded by that posse." She nodded toward the crowd.
"Yeah, they are all over her. I only talked with her briefly, but she seems nice. She's...intense. Hard working though."
"Yeah, sure," Clarke dismissed him, a hint of disagreement in her voice.
"Not a fan?"
"I don't know, she's got a bit of an ego, don't you think?" Miller shrugged so Clarke continued. "At auditions, she had girls hanging all over her and here, she was showing off some football thing..."
"Oh, the 5-step drop?" Clarke shrugged, not sure what that meant. "The footwork thing, right? Bellamy showed up and was begging to look at her form or something. She was showing us one of her passing techniques." Which made sense, but Clarke wasn't about to say that.
"Ok, fine. It's just that she's only doing this because she has to. And now everyone is falling all over her."
Miller opened his mouth to respond when Raven pulled them from their conversation to line up to run the Melchior/Wendla scene. Two lines were made, the Wendlas and the Melchiors, and it led to them being randomly paired for the scene. Clarke was paired with a freshman named Atom, whose nerves showed through but began to dissipate the more Clarke engaged with him. The directors' faces were undecipherable as they left.
After everyone had a shot to audition, the directors called in a few pairs that they purposefully selected, to test chemistry. Clarke was called back in with Miller, and after they auditioned, Clarke looked up to see the directors whispering to each other behind their notes.
Past there, all Clarke had left was singing a few lines from Mama Who Bore Me, that she worked on with Harper earlier. She felt good about it, and felt even better when she knew how much of herself that she left in that room. Monty was smiling then, and she couldn't help but hope it was because of her.
Clarke got the call before Raven and Octavia even made it home. In her imagination, she screamed when she found out, overridden with joy and unable to contain the feeling. In reality, she dumbly nodded along to a phone conversation while she barely made out enough words to accept the part.
After she hung up, she screamed.
Wendla Bergman. Her first lead in a college production.
It's not like Clarke was trying to pursue theater in the long term. It had never been that for her. It was a side passion, a way to have a creative outlet from her education and art classes. (It was increasingly difficult to find art as an outlet when it was being heavily mandated by coursework.) Regardless, the Arkadia Theater Company, or the ATC, was not specifically for theater majors, so it was a perfect fit for her and her friends who were also using it as a hobby rather than a career.
Raven came back about ten minutes later, cautiously asking if Clarke got a call yet. When Clarke nodded, they leapt into each others' arms and shared their excitement.
Even though she wasn't supposed to, Raven spilled that Miller would be playing Melchior alongside Clarke, and she got excited all over again. The official cast list would be posted later that night, once Monty finished making the calls, but Raven and Clarke made their way to the couch and started rehashing the day anyway.
"How was the diner?" Clarke asked. It's ATC tradition that the Pro Staff goes to the Grounders, a local diner, after auditions to talk over casting. Even though the stage managers don't watch most of the auditions, they still attend to give their input on the actors' maturity level, willingness to be there, availability and interactions with others. Depending on the show and the talent, this process can take anywhere from an hour to half the night. Luckily, this show seemed to only take them about two and a half hours to cast.
"Pretty good. We had a bit of hangup around some of the leads. Someone was worried that Miller would be 'too gay' to play Melchior." Clarke rolled her eyes at that. It can be a concern with certain actors' styles, but Miller was professional, talented and endearing. He would do great in that role. Raven nodded at Clarke's eye roll. "Exactly. I said that if Jonathan Groff, aka the gayest dude alive, could pull it off, so could Miller. We also debated if Murphy was too much of a dick to play Moritz or if he was just dickish enough."
"You won't tell me the outcome of that debate, will you?"
"Not until the cast list is up," Raven joked back. "Also, you know Lincoln from the football team? Apparently his parents own Grounders, and he's a busser there, so when he saw Lexa, he gave us everything for free, even kept bringing out extra sides and apps. All we paid was the tip."
"No way."
"Yes way. I mean, he mainly brought out whatever Octavia asked for, even if she asked for it jokingly. I think he likes her or something."
"Really?" Clarke asked in disbelief.
"I mean, I think so? He gave her his number. It was still good though. I ate hella curly fries."
"No, Raven, not that," Clarke huffed in frustration. "Every story, every outing has been overshadowed by Lexa did this and Lexa knew that person and Lexa saved the day!"
"Dude, what is your problem with Lexa? Honestly."
"Every little thing she does is all anyone can talk about." She sat up straight suddenly, while Raven stayed put, leaning back into the armrest. "I feel like we're getting away from what doing theater is really about."
"Fame, fortune and getting musical dad, Lin-Manuel Miranda to notice us."
"Raven," she said sternly. "I meant, putting on good shows, telling stories through performance and having fun with our friends."
"That is what we're doing." Clarke sat back and looked away, rolling her eyes for what felt like the millionth time. "Look, I know Lexa attracts a certain...crowd...or attention, rather. But she actually wants to do a good job at this. She bought like six books on Amazon about building sets and was lugging them around all day. She spent half of her time with me making a cheat sheet of 'Theatrical Colloquialisms,' as she called it. She is very confused, but she is trying. Maybe if you weren't so uppity all the time you'd be having fun with us too."
"Maybe," Clarke sighed. Maybe Lexa actually was trying. It's not her fault that people took a quick liking to her. And she knows how Bellamy can be, maybe she was innocent in Bellamy making her show off at rehearsal. "I'll try, ok? And don't call me uppity."
Raven shrugged as Clarke jokingly smacked her arm. "What? I thought it was better than calling you a bitch. Which Octavia recently told me is a word used by the patriarchy to insult us women for being confident and keep us down. Unless we, as women, choose to reclaim it. But there, it just felt insulting."
"Of course," Clarke laughed. Every so often Octavia's academic pursuits in social work and women's studies would bleed into their lives. Raven started making her way to the kitchen then. "Speaking of, where is Octavia?"
"She hung back to talk more to Lincoln. He said he was getting off his shift at 8 so Octavia should be..." She paused and turned, taking a second to check her watch "getting off right now." She looked up with a smirk before walking quickly to the kitchen as a pillow flew at her head.
"I hate you!" Clarke yelled after her.
"Love you too!"