Chapter Text
— He woke up with a sharp gasp for air that wouldn't come to him, his thoughts were already spiraling.
Just like that fuckingwindchargehethrew
His skin was slick with sweat that he couldn't bring himself to wipe off.
His hands were tooshaky andhe coudlntgreathe propeprly
He always wished for things he knew he couldn't achieve.
His chest expanded for air that refused to come in, it felt like swallowing fiberglass.
His hand reached out blindly in the dark.
Mapicc?
His eyes were always so bright even if he had just woken up, so this darkness was something he wasn't accustomed to. And Mapicc's horns always shined anyway from neon glowing rainbow rings he placed on it.
Mapicc had chased him around that day.
He reached out until he felt the familiar fabric of the blanket Mapicc's hoodie and the heat coming from the heater demon.
His breathing relaxed, just a bit. He didn't know how to relax yet without him feeling like he was being watched. His hands stopped shaking after a while, his grip was desperate, making sure Mapicc was still there.
Vulnerabilities were something that could get you killed, Spoke learned that too late in the maze. —
< [Nobody]:
< [Mapicc]: "Spoke bro let go of me.."
— Spoke's lips twitched upward despite the pain he felt when taking small sips of air that barely did anything to help him, he was unable to contain the small giggle that escaped him, then immediately winced right after, the demon was always so grumpy when being woken up.
Even if Mapicc was dead fine with Spoke interrupting his 'beauty sleep'
Though. Spoke couldn't help but wonder why Mapicc had not grown accustomed to it. Spoke had always woken Mapicc up at night, especially when they first met.
Maybe it was because Mapicc can't handle the cold in the biomes they were usually in
Maybe it was because Mapicc was still not used to his presence even after so long.
But, he knew Mapicc would go along with his shenanigans.
Why would he leave?
Why WOULD HE LEAVE Spoke?
HE WOULDn't DO THAT!
Mapicc wouldn't betray him.
Plus, the only reasons he betrayed him before was only cause JamatoP was threatening him. —
< [Spoke]: "It's cold!"
— He dramatically shivered, it wasn't cold at all. They were in the nether after all, he hoped that Clownpierce's troops wouldn't find them yet.., his shiver earned a frustrated scoff from the demon.
He closed his eyes, expecting a light slap on his head, Mapicc always did that, especially when Spoke was being particularly ridiculous. But there was none.
There was no one but himself.
Panic clawed at his throat before the memory of Mapicc's death came back with a vengeance stronger than his own.
Stop it stop it stop it stop it
Please stop it stop it
Please stop it no
He didn't want this anymore stop itplwasehedidntwantthisanymorrhedidntantthisanymore he just wanted to go to sleep please stop just stop it stop the pain from spreading to his heart please.
He didnteven have a heart why didithrutsomuch why did it hurt? Why why why why why did it hurt please stop it why did it hurt why?please
Just stop it. Please
He could still faintly hear the hum of the air-conditioner Mapicc's voice. But it was fading.
Fading into a low hum. —
so did his sense of comfort.
— The warmth he had been feeling in his chest disappeared replaced by the fact that he is the cold Mapicc couldn't stand.
...
He was reminded of the time they were separated during the Mafia arc, and reunited shortly after. ashswaggwascorrect.
Spoke was tired.
Is it alright? If i stayed for a while in this delusion?
I'll be quiet for once.
I won't annoy Mapicc on purpose anymore.
And he'll leave as soon as he figures out how to live without the demon by his side.
He'll leave as soon as he figures out how to make the memories of Jumperwho's smile.
He'll leave as soon as he figures out
His
Life.
He wanted to be back in that place. Where Mapicc was still there, where Jumperwho still treated him like an annoying little brother, and Where Princezam and him joked around until their stomachs hurt. But that place was long gone. Only stored in his memories —
— He sat up on the bed, maybe Mapicc was still there, a cruel prank for every lie Spoke had told him.
But the only thing pranking him was his own brain.
How cruel, really. —
— A small giggle that was definitely not a sob escaped him, he felt moisture in his eyes. Something that definitely shouldn't be possible for a Voidling hybrid, well, it probably was. He didn't read much books about his own species, all of it were either lies or just some shitty theories on a corrupted reddit post from 2023.
He wiped the tears from his eyes, he took a full breath and it hurt, it hurt so much, it felt like his lungs were too big for his ribcage to hold back, did he even have those? He didn't know.
He just wanted the pain to stop.
To stop it from devouring him whole.
To stop it from devouring his memories whole until all that remained was the memory of Mapicc betraying him again.
And then him dying by being killed by Spoke —
— It's not that he didn't remember any memories he had with his friends.
He definitely did.
He.. just didn't.-.. wanna remember it anymore--- He DIDn't want to remember the feeling...-. of braiding Jumperwho's hair terrible. And then-.--- getting scolded by Mapicc--- while Princezam laughed her ass off in the background-
— His eyes probably wouldn't dry anytime soon, not until the sun, or what counted as the sun in the nether rose, he hoped Commander wouldn't see him like this, so weak already after a day. —
— He ignored the fact breathing still hurt, and that he was still sweating, and that he was still crying.
He wanted to ignore everything. —