Chapter Text
Hyunjin’s pov
It was dinner time. Dad was away so it was just Me, Mum, and Yeji. I sat in my chair at the kitchen table, I felt uneasy, sort of nauseous. My mum had been offering my various foods but I didn’t want to eat any. She looked tired, I felt guilty.
It’s my fault.
“What about some beans?” She suggested.
No no no.
Beans make me bloated.
If I’m bloated, I’m fat.
“No thanks” I said, slumping down into my chair. She sighed, “Hyunie, darling, you have to eat something”. Yeji walked in, “What’s for dinner?” she asked, “I don’t know, I’m trying to find something that Hyunjin will eat” Mum said “He won’t eat anything”. She spoke as if I wasn't in the room, it hurt.
Yeji looked at me “Come on dude” She rolled her eyes “I’m hungry now and I can’t eat because of you”. She stormed out of the room. “What did I do?” I looked at my mum, she ran her hands through her hair, “Nothing, you did nothing, it’s just that-” She paused like she was choosing her words carefully “it’s just that Yeji is having a hard time too”.
Oh.
Yeji is probably having a hard time because of me.
So I am the problem.
“I’m going to make pasta and peas” She got a pot out “you don’t have to eat it, but,” she turned to me again “I will be booking more appointments with the therapist” “ok” I said.
15 minutes later
“I can’t-I can’t eat those” My words stuttered out of my mouth reluctantly. Me, Mum and Yeji were sitting at the dinner table, Mum had put peas, pasta and mince on a plate in front of me. She had begged me to eat but I just couldn’t bring myself to put the food in my mouth.
“I Can’t b-be-” I stopped talking and got up, running out of the room. I paced around in my bedroom trying, thinking about what to do with myself.
I grabbed my phone and called Minho.
Please pick up.
“Hello Jinnie” Minho said, “M-minho, can I come over? Please” “Sure, Are you ok?” Minho said, “I’m fine” I sniffled “I promise. I’ll be there soon”.
I walked back into the kitchen, “I’m going to Minho’s” I said looking at the floor. “Ok” Mum sighed “are you going to sleep the night there?” she asked. I shifted “Preferably yes”. “Ok, have fun” She smiled, sadly, “please eat something” “I'll try, Minho is good at getting me to eat” I smiled and left the room.
I packed a small bag and texted Minho to make sure I was able to stay over for the night, he said it was fine. I felt so guilty, my mum was letting me stay at Minho's overnight even though I had been hard to deal with. She really was trying her best, I just felt bad I couldn’t do what she wanted.
It was late spring so the sun had a little bit before it would start setting. Minho luckily lived within walking distance.
I put my headphones on and checked myself in the mirror before going to say bye to my family. I said bye and headed out the door.
I had ‘Just be yourself’ by TWICE playing in my headphones as the sun began to set.
I held my bag in both hands and swung my bag from side to side and smiled as I watched a flock of birds fly over me. It was kind of cold, I could see my breath. I pulled my cardigan tighter over my shoulders and cried a little, the silhouette of the land was so beautiful, the rolling hills, the trees, the colour of the sky.
I hate myself but at least I can still enjoy nice things.
Nobody’s pov
Jeongin and Jisung were sitting on Jisung’s couch. Both of them doing their own thing, not saying anything.
Jisung looked up at Jeongin from his phone where he had previously been reading a bbc article titled ‘reptiles and snakes can help calm mental health patients’. Jisung sucked in his breath sharply, if he didn’t say it now he might never be able to.
“I wanna break up,”
Jisung said quickly, it sounded more like; “Iw’nnabrakup”.
Jeongin looked up at him, puzzled, “What?” He asked.
Jisung took a breath, “I-” he paused, Jeongin leaned forward and put his hand on Jisung’s leg “what?”
“I wanna break up” Jisung repeated.
Jeongin smiled, a sort of happy-sad but also relieved smile. “ok” He said.
“So…” Jisung said, “we are no longer in a relationship..?” he asked.
“Yes, we are no longer in a relationship” Jeongin confirmed.
“Why were you so chill with that?” Jisung asked nervously, biting his lip.
“Well..umm..I never really liked you to start with..a-and after we had sex for the first time I felt like I had to like you so I made myself like you..?” Jeongin blinked, his eyebrows knotted.
Jisung looked absolutely betrayed.
“You are a really nice person Jisung, I can’t stress that enough, but I guess in a way…” Jeongin put his phone down and avoided Jisung’s eyes.
“you guess what?” Jisung leaned forward “What is it?”
“You are kind of a horrible person”
Jisung drew in a sharp breath. Ok, I’m a horrible person apparently.
“That was a bit harsh, I'm sorry” Jeongin said “I mean, you have been mean to me and some of our other friends too”.
“Oh…right” Jisung was lost for words “well I’m sorry too”. He stared at his hands. I’m not mean, I don’t think I’m mean…Am I?
“I will…umm”
“What?” Jeongin asked, he was getting impatient and irritated for some reason.
“I will try to be better?” Jisung looked at Jeongin “I will be better, I want to be better, I don’t want to be a mean person”.
“Ok”.
“Hug?” Jisung asked, “platonically”
“sure”.