Chapter Text
It becomes their thing; kissing. It’s their comfort, feels like coming home.
When it gets dark out and the depression hits harder and the need for a place to stay becomes apparent, Justin finds himself climbing up the tree outside Alex’s window, where Alex never fails to be staring out into the night. He’s always allowed in, and then they’ll kiss or lay in bed together, be there for each other in ways no one else has until it gets late and then they’ll fall asleep piled together.
They don’t talk about it, never let this part of themselves see the other side of Alex’s bedroom door. Once they step outside, they put their brave faces on and they kick and fight to stay above water, but as soon as the night comes and they find each other, they don’t feel like they're drowning anymore.
It's a little more complicated when it’s raining.
Justin stares forlornly up at the tree next to Alex’s window, then glances back down at his sopping wet clothes. There’s no way it’s safe to climb a tree in the rain, and the last thing he needs is a hospital bill he can’t afford. The cold rain chills him right to the core and has drenched every article of clothing he’s wearing down to his socks.
Justin pulls out his phone and texts Alex a simple ‘its raining:(‘.
He can see Alex approach his window, a smile on his face as he replies with, ‘your point?’
Justin shoots his best glare at Alex, hopes he can see it in the stormy night. ‘you want me to climb a tree in the rain? kinda dangerous dont u think?’
‘sucks to be you then i guess,’ Alex’s smile is evil, that dry bastard has some nerve.
Justin just flips him off and sends, ‘fuck you alex.’
‘okay okay hold on.’ He watches as Alex laughs and Justin swears he can hear the melodic sound from outside. It takes his mind back to the other night, to the previous time he heard the lovely noise.
~~~
Alex is laying between Justin’s legs on his front, arms wound loosely around Justin’s torso with his head resting on his stomach. Justin runs his fingers through Alex’s bleached hair, rubbing gently at his scalp. They had a long day at school.
It’s been a handful of weeks since Justin first stayed the night with Alex, and the deep connection they share has grown like weeds. Justin never thought he’d get so close to someone so fast, never thought he’d trust another as much as he does with Alex in so little time.
Justin thinks Alex is on the verge of sleep when he suddenly speaks up. “My thoughts are anchors,” he whispers it into the dimly lit room.
“Do you wanna talk about what’s on your mind?” Justin questions.
Alex shakes his head no, rubbing his face in Justin’s shirt.
“Okay, then come here.” Justin places a hand on Alex’s jaw, gently guides him up until Alex is on his hands and knees over him, their faces only a couple inches apart. Justin hates when the boy is hurting, feels a sympathetic pain in his chest just at the thought of Alex being depressed. He runs his nose softly up along Alex’s, then sits up a little higher, meeting Alex’s lips in a kiss.
Alex still kisses like a dream, like fluffy clouds on a sunny day. He still kisses Justin like it’s his last time, drawing it out and making it feel like forever. He still has that overwhelming sadness in his eyes, but Justin’s got it too, he’s sure.
“Don’t think about it, try to just think about me.” And it sounds a little selfish when he breathes the words between their lips, but he knows that it’s a two-way street; Alex is Justin’s safety and Justin is Alex’s.
When Justin thinks about Alex, he gets a tingly feeling of elation in his stomach. He thinks about his sarcastic sense of humor, his breathy laugh, the way his eyes sparkle when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about. He thinks about how kind and genuine Alex is, how mature he is for a high school student. What he tries not to think about is why Alex had to grow up so fast, why he feels the baggage of what seems like the whole world on his shoulders.
He breaks out of his thoughts as Alex sits on his lap, separating their lips briefly as he whispers, “What are you thinking about?”
“You.” Justin sighs quietly, his hands falling to Alex’s thighs, gripping gently. Everything about Alex is soft: his voice, his pale skin, the look in his eyes when he’s staring at Justin. Sometimes, Justin can’t get enough of the blond.
“To try to forget about stuff?” Alex is playing with the hair at the back of his neck in the most amazing way.
“No, I’m always thinkin’ about you. I can’t help it. Somethin’ about you,” He grins when he sees Alex try to hide a smile, but his dimples give him away. “When I’m with you, I can’t think straight. You make everything else in the world just go away.” 'And I hope I do the same for you', he thinks.
Justin takes one of Alex’s wrists and rubs his thumb along the palm of his hand. He concentrates really hard on trying to maintain eye contact when he blurts, “I think I love you.”
Alex’s jaw falls in clear shock. Justin can hear his sharp inhale, watches as Alex’s gaze flickers between Justin’s eyes. Justin can’t look away, can’t breathe, can’t make his brain multitask and tell his lungs to do your job, what the hell, can only stare at Alex waiting for some kind of response.
“Oh god please say something,” Justin puts Alex’s hand over his jackrabbiting heart, swallowing the nervous lump in his throat. This is the most open he’s been with anyone and it’s terrifying. He looks deep into Alex’s eyes when he repeats, “I love you, Alex.” His eyes are watering, scared of how true the words are.
Alex’s fingers curl into a fist, clutching the fabric of Justin’s shirt. His cheeks are pink and his eyes are wet with unshed tears. For a second, Justin thinks it may have been the wrong time to say it, but then Alex tugs him into a kiss, and everything is okay again.
This kiss is different than all the others they’ve shared. It’s hard and intense, almost bruising, and it makes Justin feel so alive. Alex is relentless and Justin can’t breathe, but if it meant being kissed like this, he never wanted oxygen again.
Justin’s heart is pounding like a hammer to metal in his ears, his lungs crying out for air and his hands caressing any part of Alex they find. They haven’t been this handsy with each other before, and the newness of it all has Justin soaring with curiosity.
Alex pulls away, keeping Justin from following with the hand on his chest. He smiles, bright teeth and all with just the tiniest tilt of his head to one side. It makes Justin’s heart melt into a red gooey puddle and he thinks, ‘Yea, I’m so in love with him.’
“I love you too, Justin.” Alex exhales deeply. “Wow, that felt so,” he pauses for a second, “exhilarating.” His hands are gently stroking Justin’s cheeks, and his facial expression can only be described as fond.
Justin beams at the confession and surges forward to kiss Alex quickly. He playfully pushes Alex’s shoulders back until he lays flat on his back. The way Alex’s legs fall open without any hesitation makes Justin’s heart constrict. He’s amazed that Alex trusts him so much. Justin leans over Alex, his hands cupping the underside of Alex’s knees, tugging him closer. He licks a stripe up Alex’s cheek, and Alex is quick to wipe the wetness off.
“You’re gross.” He smiles prettily, and Justin can tell he’s not serious.
“Maybe, but you love me.”
“Yea, I suppose I do.” Alex laughs, a gorgeous sound. Justin doesn’t know how long it’s been since he’s heard it last. At least not genuine, unguarded. Justin isn’t quite sure how to feel about him being the reason behind hearing the wonderful laughter again. The noise echoes in his ears, and he wants to hear it all the time for the rest of his life.
~~~
Alex’s figure disappears from the window, and a minute later, he is coming out the back door of his house and walking towards Justin. Justin steps in the direction of him, but Alex holds a hand up and says, “stay there.”
“How is you being out here with me going to help?”
“Shh, I wanna try something.” Before Justin can question it, Alex is pulling Justin in for a kiss and just like that, any annoyance Justin felt for the blond is washed away in the rain. Justin couldn’t resist Alex even if he wanted to, and he doesn’t, not if it results in kisses.
Their lips slide together easily, tongues slipping past each other to explore. Justin’s hands find themselves on Alex’s hips, his fingers digging in. He steps closer, pressing their fronts together as they kiss in the rain.
“Aren’t you worried your parents will see us?” They hadn’t ever approached Alex’s parents about how Justin sneaks in every night and about their more-than-friends relationship. They’re not necessarily avoiding it, they’re just taking their time, figuring things out as they go since this is a new experience for the both of them. Alex has mentioned in the past his hesitance on telling his father anything about their relationship for fear of being ‘an even bigger disappointment.’ Justin spent the rest of that night trying to convince Alex otherwise. Justin worries his comforting skills were lacking that time.
“Don’t care,” Alex replies simply and tugs Justin back in. Alex’s fingers are warm despite the cool air and wetness on Justin’s cheeks where he pulls him close.
Justin entertains it for a little longer, then pulls away again and puts his fingers on Alex’s lips to stop him. “As much as I enjoy making out with you, I’m soaked and it’s only a matter of minutes before the hypothermia gets to me.” He rubs his fingertips along Alex’s lips as he talks, his eyes directed to their pink plushness. He’s got a habit of staring vacantly at Alex’s lips, can’t help the way he’s drawn to him, wanting to kiss him nonstop until the end of time.
“You’re such a drama queen. How about I draw you a bath?” Alex brushes Justin’s wet hair away from his face with one hand, the other sliding between his varsity jacket and t-shirt, coming to rest on the small of his back. Warmth radiates there pleasantly, drawing Justin’s attention away from the cold.
“Mm, okay.” Justin runs his hand down Alex’s arm, taking his hand and twisting their fingers together. He walks backwards towards the house, guiding Alex with him.
When they reach the patio, Alex hesitates at the door. “We’re gonna get water everywhere. My mom’s gonna kill me,” he sighs.
Justin gives him a devious smile and tugs off his jacket. He strips off his shirt and keeps eye contact while he unbuckles his belt.
Alex appears a little flustered under the dull patio light. He swallows noticeably then speaks, “Justin, what are you doing?” Justin is pleased when Alex’s eyes roam.
“Less clothes, less water tracked into the house,” he says as he steps out of his shoes and shimmies out of his jeans.
Alex runs his hands over his head, spiking up his hair. He exhales loudly as he pulls his sweater off, his undershirt following shortly after. He looks less than thrilled as he stares at Justin while he undoes his belt.
They leave their clothes in a heap by the back door and slip inside, closing the sliding door as slowly as they can. The floorboards creak beneath them as they tiptoe up the stairs, and the boys wince with every noise.
Just as they pass a room with its door cracked open, someone speaks. “Alex?” Alex’s father’s voice echoes down the hallway. Justin freezes, and Alex back him against the wall, a hand covering his mouth. His eyes are saucers as they look into Justin’s. They must be an interesting sight, standing pressed against a wall, hardly clothed and dripping wet. Justin silently hopes Alex’s father doesn’t come out to see him or ask Alex to go into the room.
“Yea, dad?” Alex’s voice wavers a little.
“Finish your homework?” Justin watches a single droplet of water cascade down the bridge of Alex’s nose and fall to the carpeted floor below.
“Yes, sir. Just finished.”
“Good job kid. Just wanted to check. Got to keep those grades in check.”
The tension in Justin’s shoulders rolls away as Alex proceeds down the hall to his room, pulling Justin with him. Once they make it to the safety of Alex’s room with the door closed behind them, they turn to face each other and smile.
“Holy shit, that was terrifying,” Alex says. He puts his hands over his eyes and laughs. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I just had a conversation with my dad while practically naked.” He tosses a dry pair of boxers to Justin.
“It was awesome. Color me impressed.” They change into clean underwear and turn back to each other.
“My heart is beating so fast. I’ve never felt so alive.” There’s a beat of silence between them for a minute, then Alex strides back over to Justin, pushing him against the wall and kissing him hard. Their bodies are pressed completely together, and it reminds Justin of how very naked they still are. He’s torn between wanting to run his hands all over Alex’s body and wanting Alex’s approval before he guns it.
Of all the days they’ve spent laying in Alex’s bed making out, they’d never really tested any boundaries. Their being together wasn’t rushed or desperate, they knew they had all the time in the world to discover each other. This is the first time Justin is experiencing Alex shirtless for something other than gym class, and it sends electric shocks of thrill through his veins. He tentatively places a hand on Alex’s ribcage, his fingers splaying out over the barely visible bones.
He breaks away just long enough to breathe, “this okay?” between their lips.
Alex puts his hand over Justin’s and guides it down. He stops just before the curve of his ass. “You don’t have to be afraid to put your hands on me. You’ve already got the green light.” As if to emphasize the point that they’re comfortable enough with each other for this, Alex tucks the tips of his fingers below the waistband of Justin’s borrowed boxers briefly, then gives Justin’s ass a playful squeeze.
Justin grins and shoves Alex gently back until his legs hit the edge of his bed. Just as Alex lays back on the bed, Justin climbs over him and kisses his neck. He nudges Alex’s head back to get more room, then sucks a bruise into the soft skin right above his collarbone. Justin mouths at Alex’s Adam’s apple, tempted to leave a mark, but knows it would be hard to cover up, so instead, he continues to bite at his collarbone. A soft gasp escapes Alex’s lips, and he arches up closer to Justin’s body, his hands tight on Justin’s hips. The passion between them is electrifying, you could almost see the sparks where they touch.
Alex rolls them over and licks into Justin’s mouth with no restraint. His power and control stuns Justin, so he pushes Alex back with a hand on his chest. “Shit, Alex.” He tries to catch the breath that Alex stole from him. Alex sits back on his heels with a satisfied smile.
“What, having a hard time keeping up, Foley?”
“Just never seen you on an adrenaline rush before. Wipe that smirk off your face you jerk.” If anything, his grin gets wider.
“Make me.”
Justin smiles and shakes his head in disbelief. He tugs Alex down again by the back of his neck, gripping his hair and meeting him halfway for another kiss.
Alex moves to Justin’s jaw and neck, placing long, wet kisses along his way. He kisses down to the tattoo scrawled across Justin’s chest, then stops for a second. He pulls away just a little, runs his finger along the cursive words, then leans back in and bites at the skin gently.
Justin feels drunk on love; he’s addicted and he couldn’t possibly give it up for anything. Between Alex’s mouth and the way his hands touch him, Justin feels utterly loved. Alex is ethereal, must have been an angel sent to earth to look after him, and Justin is so grateful to be here with him in this moment, loving him so dearly.
Alex stops when he comes across the scar stretched across Justin’s side, over a few of his ribs. He runs his finger across it as he asks, “What’s this from?”
“My mom has had a handful of bad boyfriends. I provoked one when he was drunk, he had a knife, and well, you can fill in the blanks.” Alex doesn’t say anything, just leans down and presses a feather-light kiss on the raised skin. “It’s okay, really. Mostly just grazed me, only a couple stitches.”
“You shouldn’t have had to go through that. I thought I had it bad with my mom constantly worrying over me.” Alex takes Justin’s hand and kisses his knuckles. Justin doesn’t respond. He doesn’t like Alex taking pity, but honestly, how are you supposed to feel when someone says they’ve been abused?
“Stay with me.” Alex whispers, a solemn expression plastered on his face.
“I wasn’t going anywhere.”
“No, I mean, don’t leave. I care about you.”
“I’m not really thinkin’ about the future, I’m only concerned with the right now. And right now, I’m with you. I don’t think there’s anything in this world that could make me leave you.” Justin rubs his thumb over Alex’s hand still entwined with his. “Hey, let’s forget all this sad shit. How about you help me pick out a tattoo to cover it up?”
Though Justin couldn’t see the future ahead for himself, he knew that whatever that future was, Alex Standall would be right there next to him.
~~~