Chapter Text
“...Ming-xiong. Ah, Ming-xiong! Aren’t you driving a little too fast?” a familiar voice asked, a little frantic at the edges.
It sounded like the man he met on the street, but Xie Lian heard it as if from far away.
“Wow, you just ran like five red lights. Ohmygodwatchout, hahaha—” the voice cut off with a scream, high and shrill.
What happened? He couldn’t remember and his brows furrowed in confusion. He felt something warm and heavy wrapped around him, but it felt safe. He just couldn’t figure out what was happening.
“If you want to complain about my driving, get out of the car,” another voice said. This one Xie Lian didn’t recognize, although he thought it was safe to assume that this was the friend that the man had mentioned earlier. Ming-xiong. The one with the scary boss.
After a while of trying to recollect what had happened, Xie Lian remembered passing out in the man’s arms. That was embarrassing. But where were they taking him? Why was he in their car?
“Keep bickering like this and I'll throw you both out,” another familiar voice said coldly, right above Xie Lian’s head. He recognized it immediately, because how could he not?
But what was Hua Cheng doing here? Was he the aforementioned very scary boss?
The man who bought Xie Lian the water bottle laughed nervously. “Now, now. There’s no need to be like that. I know you’re worried, but we’re all friends here aren’t we?”
“Who’s your friend?” the third voice, Ming-xiong apparently, muttered. But the words were clearly audible for the entire car to hear.
“What are you saying, Ming-xiong? You’re my best friend, and I’m very obviously your best friend!” Then, more quietly, “I really don’t mean to be annoying. I just talk a lot when I’m nervous.”
So do I, Xie Lian thought to himself. Or he did, once upon a time. More so when he was younger. Hadn’t he done a fair bit of babbling in front of Hua Cheng whenever he was around?
Apparently, he said it aloud too, because he felt the warm, heavy thing against him move and then, right beside his ear, “Gege?”
Xie Lian could feel the words rumble around and through him. He felt his face flush at the realization, especially now that he could also tell that his upper body was being held in Hua Cheng’s arms, while the rest of him was draped over his lap and across the rear car seats.
He fought to open his eyes and slowly lifted his head, before looking around in a daze. The man from earlier was twisted around in the front passenger seat, beaming at him. Ming-xiong —he saw through the rearview mirror— was a solemn faced man with dark hair and eyes, with dangling earrings that matched the other man’s, but in gold instead of silver.
“Ah, you’re awake! That’s a relief,” the man said. “I’ve never seen someone pass out like that before, much less having to catch them in my arms the way I did. But hey, don’t you think that was pretty heroic of me?”
Xie Lian couldn’t help but smile. “Mn. It was.”
The man gave him a cheerful thumbs up, before reaching out to pat Xie Lian’s knee with a perfectly manicured hand. “Just try to relax, ok? You were passed out for quite a while. I’m Shi Qingxuan, by the way. The one driving is Ming Yi. He pretends he’s mean and scary, but he’s actually really sweet—”
“We’re almost there,” Hua Cheng interrupted.
Almost where? Xie Lian wondered, before turning to look up and meet his gaze.
Hua Cheng’s hair was tied in a low ponytail and he was dressed in a sharp, fitted black suit. He had no tie on, but he wore a black dress shirt and vest underneath the suit jacket. It made him look very dashing, and the fabric was very soft under Xie Lian’s cheek.
“...-ge? Gege?” Hua Cheng brushed a strand of hair out of Xie Lian’s face. “Are you all right?”
For a long moment, Xie Lian blinked at him, trying to process what he was asking. Why wouldn’t he be all right? However, the meaning of those words sank in and he jolted, trying to sit up only to slump back against Hua Cheng’s chest with a soft, pained noise.
“I’m fine,” Xie Lian tried to say convincingly as he could, although he grimaced when another sharp jolt of pain shot straight through his head.
Hua Cheng immediately noticed and frowned. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?” he asked.
The question took Xie Lian aback. “Is that not where we’re going now?” he asked. He thought that was what all the erratic driving was about.
“Don’t you remember? You kept refusing to go,” Hua Cheng replied, still looking at him with concern.
Shi Qingxuan turned around in his seat again. “You were freaking out over how expensive the hospital bill was going to be. Even after I offered to pay for it too!”
“Oh,” Xie Lian said, feeling ashamed. He didn’t remember having that conversation at all, but hospitals were expensive, or at least for his finances. But the truth was, he just couldn’t stand being in that place, especially after…
Well, he didn’t want to be there.
“You agreed to go back to the apartment instead,” Hua Cheng continued, which Xie Lian thought did sound like him.
Xie Lian finally relaxed at the thought of falling into bed and curling up with Ruoye, before he jolted again and tried to twist around, searching for his phone.
“I forgot about work!”
He was totally going to get fired.
Hua Cheng pointed to Xie Lian’s bag, which was sitting on the floor under the seat. “I already let them know that you weren’t feeling well and put your phone away so it didn’t get crushed. Don’t worry.”
Grateful tears welled up without meaning to and Xie Lian quickly brushed away, ashamed of his overreaction to such a simple gesture. But it had been such a long time since anyone had shown him such kindness or consideration. “Thank you,” he said quietly.
“Get some rest, gege. I’m here,” Hua Cheng said, smoothing the back of his fingers over the swell of Xie Lian’s cheek.
The movement was so light and airy, it felt like a butterfly’s wings against his face. It tickled.
Xie Lian must have dozed off at some point, because he awoke to Hua Cheng gently shaking his shoulder and then helping him out of the car. Shi Qingxuan hopped out too, grabbing Xie Lian’s bag and passing it to Hua Cheng.
“Take care of yourself, okay?” Shi Qingxuan said, squeezing Xie Lian’s good shoulder in a companionable way. “If there’s anything you need, just let me know! I’m only a phone call away. Or I guess the boss here can call Ming-xiong and then Ming-xiong will tell me? Ah, I should have put my number in your phone or something!”
“I’ll give you my number instead,” Xie Lian said, pleased when Shi Qingxuan’s eyes brightened at that.
As soon as he saved him as a contact, Shi Qingxuan hopped back into the car and waved from the window as Ming Yi pulled away from the curb and drove away. Xie Lian waved back, watching the car uneasily as it swerved further and further away before disappearing around a corner.
“Your friends are interesting,” Xie Lian said after a moment.
Hua Cheng shook his head and led him inside the building. “They’re not really friends. More like… assistants. And they’re both headaches.”
Xie Lian didn’t understand what he meant by that, but he was amused by it all the same. Sometimes, he forgot how dark his humor could be and how petty his remarks could get. But for some reason, being able to see him so at ease with his friends that he could be himself brought him immense joy.
In high school, Hua Cheng was always a bit of a loner and spent most of his time with Xie Lian. Now that he was older, he would have had more opportunities to branch out and meet people. Made friends. Dated people, even.
Immediately, the good humor from earlier disappeared.
Who was he kidding? Hua Cheng was clearly a successful businessman of some kind. He was tall and handsome and charming when he wanted to be. Xie Lian couldn’t see any reason why Hua Cheng wouldn’t already be in a relationship with someone. It wasn’t like he had waited all these years for Xie Lian. That was just wishful thinking on his part.
Especially since Hua Cheng, for all his rough edges and prickly personality, was actually so dependable and kind.
Xie Lian thought back to those days when Hua Cheng would fall asleep on his bed with Ruoye curled up on his chest. How his hands curled protectively around the kitten and the shadow of his eyelashes against his cheeks. His quiet breathing as he slept. Whoever he shared that part of himself with deserved to be someone amazing.
What am I thinking? This isn’t a drama, Xie Lian thought to himself and carried those somber thoughts with him as they took the elevator up to their floor and reached his apartment door. He punched in the code to unlock his door and glanced at Hua Cheng, who was waiting patiently, the strap of Xie Lian’s bag slung over his shoulder.
“Thanks again for your help,” he said, trying to sound cheerful but the words falling short. “You’re probably really busy so I—”
“Gege,” Hua Cheng cut him off, gently but without room for argument. “You just passed out and you refused to see a doctor for it. At least let me stay with you and make sure you’re okay.”
Xie Lian had always been weak to Hua Cheng’s silver tongue and nodded, turning his back to Hua Cheng so he couldn’t see whatever expression his face was making. “Then—then come on in, I guess.”
Ruoye was already waiting for them in the entryway, meowing excitedly. He weaved through Xie Lian’s legs, rubbing his long furry body against his pants, before giving Hua Cheng the same treatment. Xie Lian winced at the thought of all the cat hair Ruoye was leaving behind on Hua Cheng’s very expensive suit, but decided not to bring it up.
It was already strange to see Hua Cheng’s designer leather dress shoes laid out next to Xie Lian’s ratty old sneakers.
“Do you want some tea?” Xie Lian asked, suddenly nervous, and moved toward the kitchen. “I have some instant coffee too, or do you—”
“Gege,” Hua Cheng interrupted. “I would feel better if you let me check your injuries.”
Xie Lian froze as their eyes met and knew anything he said to brush him off would be a lie. So he allowed Hua Cheng to set his bag aside, before approaching him to take his hand. Xie Lian followed him until he was led to the couch and sat down as Hua Cheng went to the bathroom, washed his hands, and then returned with the first aid kit Xie Lian kept under the sink.
Years ago, they had been in a similar situation, but now the roles were reversed as Hua Cheng shrugged off his suit jacket and tossed it over the edge of the couch. Then he sat down beside Xie Lian and touched his head, running his fingers carefully through his hair for any signs of a bump or scratch. Finding none, he felt along Xie Lian’s ribs, which were still tender, but thankfully his fall hadn’t aggravated them further before pulling back.
“How did this happen?” Hua Cheng asked.
His voice was quiet, but tense, like storm clouds roiling ominous and heavy before the first rainfall.
Before Xie Lian could answer, Ruoye jumped up on the couch with them, curling up on his other side, his eyes squinted and he began to purr happily. Xie Lian petted him absently while Hua Cheng continued to watch him, probably assessing him for any other stiff or unusual movements.
“Gege.”
“It was a work accident,” Xie Lian admitted reluctantly.
It was when he had been working for a moving company a couple months back. He was behind the wheel of the moving truck when a child suddenly darted out into the road in front of him. Xie Lian immediately swerved out of the way and was fortunate enough to avoid hitting the child, but hit the car next to him, which caused the truck to flip onto its side. Thankfully, he hadn’t broken any bones, but the seatbelt and airbag could only soften the impact so much and left him with bruised ribs.
Hua Cheng hung his head after Xie Lian told him as much and shook his head. “Why am I not surprised?”
Just as Xie Lian was about to breathe a sigh of relief, his scalp and chest still tingling from where he had been touched, Hua Cheng stood and immediately knelt on the floor in front of him. He lifted up Xie Lian’s left foot and —glancing at Xie Lian until he finally nodded— took off his sock and rolled up his pant leg.
His left ankle had never healed properly.
His coach, Jun Wu, kept pushing him to do better and kept pushing him, until Xie Lian let the pressure get to him. He worked himself too fast and too hard, never giving his body the rest he needed, no matter how many times Hua Cheng —who went to all of his practices and meets— made him promise that he would.
And then, at the final meet, Xie Lian had been in the lead and was just about to cross the finish line when his ankle suddenly gave out and he fell.
He had needed to use crutches for almost eight months after that and then required physical therapy for an additional four months just to be able to walk again, and after being told that he was expected to never run again.
Hua Cheng stayed by his side through it all, helping him carry his school bag and escorting him to and from home. Feng Xin and Mu Qing had tried their best, especially since they were convinced that Hua Cheng was planning something by getting close to Xie Lian, not realizing that Xie Lian was the one who always sought him out and depended on him more than he should have.
Because when Hua Cheng was propped up on the cushions and cuddling with Ruoye, he was nothing like the Hua Cheng Xie Lian had grown accustomed to seeing at school. Not intense and serious, desperate to prove himself to the teachers and classmates, but just an ordinary high school boy. Kind of lazy, despite his devastating intellect and skill. Kind of shy, even when he acted like the rest of the world irritated him.
Hua Cheng stayed when Xie Lian cooked dinner for him and ate everything on his plate, complimenting what he liked and critiquing what he didn’t. Although he could be too honest at times and that annoyed Xie Lian more often than he was willing to admit, whatever he said was always genuine and sincere. He was the one who helped set up Ruoye’s proper litter box and food bowls, and had a bad habit of bringing new toys for the kitten to play with whenever he came over to visit. They also had study dates together, went to cafes together, and watched movies together.
Even Xie Lian’s parents grew quickly accustomed to seeing Hua Cheng every day. After agreeing to let the kitten become part of the family, who Xie Lian named him Ruoye, Hua Cheng came over since then to play with the little cat. The first time was under the guise of returning Qi Rong’s clothes and then the umbrella, though he could have easily done so at school; Xie Lian wisely chose not to point it out, because he enjoyed spending time with him just as much. Instead, he handed Hua Cheng the umbrella back and told him to keep it.
Predictably, Mother adored Hua Cheng, who patiently cooked with her and Xie Lian, preventing them both from burning down the kitchen while the cooks hovered anxiously in the background. She thought he was the absolute cutest thing after her own son and called him, “Xiao Hua”. She invited him over for dinner everyday, and when she found out about his home life and how he was treated there, she insisted on Hua Cheng staying with them and assured him that if he needed to take legal action, she would be there.
And she was the only person Xie Lian ever admitted liking Hua Cheng to.
“If he makes you happy, then that’s all that matters to me,” she had said with her sweet and gentle smile that he loved so much.
His father, on the other hand, did not like Hua Cheng one bit and made his disdain very well known. He made constant comments about Hua Cheng’s looks and build, his background, his hair, his eyes, what his interests in school were, and the areas he lacked in. Even after Xie Lian graduated high school and Hua Cheng entered his third year, they still spent time together despite Xie Lian’s busy schedule as a university student, to the point Father marched Xie Lian into his office after Hua Cheng had gone home that evening and told him to stop spending time with that boy.
Xie Lian immediately refused, which devolved into a full blown argument where they didn’t speak to each other for two whole weeks. And the only reason he did it at all was because Hua Cheng kept urging him to do so. As a result, Xie Lian dragged Hua Cheng before his father and told him to never, ever make another thinly veiled insult again, because Hua Cheng was his friend and nothing Father did or said was going to change that.
Father had looked at both of them with disappointment in his eyes and said, simply, “If you want to ruin your own life, then who am I to stop you?”
Qi Rong was just as bad as Father, who immediately became jealous that Xie Lian’s attention was on anyone other than himself. He and Hua Cheng were in the same year and their classes were right next to each other, so Qi Rong and his posse bullied and ganged up on him constantly. But Hua Cheng said nothing about it to Xie Lian, not wanting him to worry, until the bruises became more and more noticeable and Xie Lian mistakenly thought that Hua Cheng’s family were responsible.
When Hua Cheng finally told him the truth, Xie Lian had never felt more angry in his life. He was prepared to thrash the lot of them as punishment, but Hua Cheng advised against it, not wanting to cause further division in his family.
“Besides, I know how to handle it,” Hua Cheng said with a smirk.
A few days later, Qi Rong’s entire posse ended up transferred to another school. There were rumors that some kind of blackmail was involved, but Xie Lian decided to turn a blind eye to it all.
Ever since that day, something changed between them. It was obvious every time their eyes met at school or sitting in his bedroom, shoulders pressed together while they lavished Ruoye with attention. It felt exhilarating and terrifying all at once, like Xie Lian was standing on the edge of a precipice and all it would take to fall into the abyss was a slight breeze.
Xie Lian never thought that he would still be feeling like this, almost ten years later.
Hua Cheng looked up after inspecting his ankle and putting his clothes back in order, and then frowned. “Your cheeks are red,” he said and pressed a hand to Xie Lian’s forehead. “Are you feeling sick?”
His touch was so gentle, his calloused hand so careful on Xie Lian’s skin, that tears welled up in his eyes.
Hua Cheng quickly yanked his hand away, as if in horror. “What’s wrong?” he asked, as Ruoye startled too and meowed indignantly before settling down again.
“Nothing,” Xie Lian said as he wiped the tears from his eyes. Or at least, he tried to, but it just made his vision more blurry as he smiled at Hua Cheng. “I’m just really happy.”
Seeing the bewildered and panicked look on Hua Cheng’s face in response to his words was so hilarious that all Xie Lian could do was laugh, which caused him to cry harder. What a miserable person he was. How selfish to monopolize Hua Cheng’s time and attention like this when they were never together in the first place.
And yet, what he said was true. He was happy, just being together like this, like nothing had ever changed between them. He was happy.
“I thought you hated me,” Xie Lian admitted softly, wiping his tears away with both hands.
Hua Cheng stared at him, silent for such a long time, that Xie Lian bit his lip and wondered if he had said too much. If he should apologize. But before he could, Hua Cheng shook his head in disbelief and said, “What do you have to feel sorry for? I’m the one…”
Now it was Xie Lian’s turn to stare when Hua Cheng’s words trailed off. “What do you mean?”
Wordlessly, but slowly enough that Xie Lian could easily stop him if he wanted to, Hua Cheng grasped Xie Lian’s right arm to push up the material of his sleeve. His forearm was covered in bandages, which Hua Cheng carefully unwrapped to reveal the scars underneath.
“Gege. I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I really am sorry,” Hua Cheng said as he ran a thumb over the ugly, marred skin of his forearm.
“The one who should be sorry is me,” Xie Lian replied. There were so many things that he should have done and said. Maybe then, things wouldn’t have ended so badly between them.
Hua Cheng frowned up at him, brows knitting together. “What are you saying? You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Then neither do you,” Xie Lian said. “San Lang, nothing that happened was your fault.”
It was his, for taking a detour the day of Hua Cheng’s graduation, so he could get there faster. His lectures ran longer than they were supposed to, and he stopped by a flower shop on the way to pick up a bouquet.
The same gang that Hua Cheng saved Ruoye from had been loitering in the alleyway when Xie Lian crossed through, and had recognized him immediately. They blocked his way and Xie Lian, who couldn’t move his body the way he used to, wasn’t able to fight them off. They shoved him and the one he had kicked before punched him in the face. Another hit him in the stomach and he collided into the nearby dumpsters, before falling into a pile of broken glass, which caught the attention of several bystanders and a few even started recording them on their phones.
His attackers, now realizing that their actions could cause repercussions, fled the scene while Xie Lian slowly picked himself up. His right forearm had been cut up and started bleeding profusely, but at least he managed to protect the flowers.
Someone suggested that he go to the hospital to get his arm looked at, but Xie Lian brushed off the concern with a smile. He hurried away, pulling out his phone to text Hua Cheng and ask where he was. He replied that he was still at school, so Xie Lian rushed over and found him waiting at the front gate.
The only problem was that Hua Cheng had been surrounded by a group of girls, all of them asking for his number and to keep in touch. He refused them coldly and looked more and more annoyed with each passing moment, but Xie Lian was suddenly overcome with an emotion he didn’t often feel: hot and sickly, a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach.
Jealousy.
Because Hua Cheng was getting taller and more handsome with each passing day. And now that he was eating better and active in sports, he was building muscle, which made his figure even more eyecatching. Xie Lian always knew it, and had witnessed a growing number of people try chatting with Hua Cheng when they were out in public together, but this was different. It had never been so blatant.
He’s mine! he wanted to shout, but that wouldn’t be fair to him to do so. And what kind of friend would he be, to stand in the way of Hua Cheng’s happiness?
True, having to watch Hua Cheng date someone else would devastate him. There was no denying it, but he also didn’t want to force feelings that aren’t there either. It was ultimately up to Hua Cheng, so Xie Lian decided that he would enjoy his time as his friend until he realized he deserved better. Someone who was amazing and kind, just like he was.
And yet, Xie Lian could admit how deliriously joyful and a little spiteful it made him when Hua Cheng caught sight of him and his entire face lit up. Because he did that. Him and no one else.
Hua Cheng pushed through the crowd of girls without hesitation or care and hurried over to Xie Lian, who grinned and handed him the bouquet.
“Congratulations, San Lang,” he said and Hua Cheng laughed, so bright and beautiful that it was almost painful to look at.
And Xie Lian knew in that moment, with startling clarity, that he loved him. Even if it didn’t last forever, even though he knew that Hua Cheng was surely going to break his heart. Xie Lian might have always known it, ever since he saw him on that rainy day, cradling a kitten against his chest.
“Gege?” Hua Cheng asked and Xie Lian realized that he was listing to the side, fighting against gravity and losing. That was when he saw the blood soaking through Xie Lian’s sleeve and the bruise blooming on the side of his face. Hua Cheng’s eyes widened. “Gege, what happened?”
Xie Lian wanted to tell him not to worry, that they should go celebrate, but his tongue felt heavy. All he could do was reach out to grab Hua Cheng’s sleeve before he fainted.
When he woke up, he found himself in the hospital with his parents’ worried faces hovering over him. Even Qi Rong had been there and threw his arms around Xie Lian, crying and blubbering all over him. Father gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder and told him to get some rest. Mother had squeezed him in a hug and told him not to make them worry so much.
Hua Cheng was the only one who didn’t show up, and he ended up never coming, no matter how long Xie Lian waited for him. He didn’t answer his calls or his texts for days afterward, which caused Xie Lian to wonder if he had done something wrong. Maybe Xie Lian embarrassed him when he appeared the way he had, covered in blood and passing out.
When Hua Cheng suddenly asked to meet at the park close to Xie Lian’s house, he agreed immediately, wanting to apologize for ruining his graduation day the way he had. But what he hadn’t expected was for Hua Cheng to show up with an unreadable expression, showing Xie Lian the video someone uploaded of the fight.
Xie Lian could only watch as the video showed the punch in the face and the kick in the stomach, the shattering of glass when he fell. Hua Cheng had seen all of it.
“This—this doesn’t change anything,” Xie Lian tried to say, trying to sound lighthearted but it came out too shrill. Too desperate. “They just caught me off guard—”
“Let’s put an end to this,” Hua Cheng ruthlessly cut him off, before he could make any more excuses. “You never have to see me again after today.”
“I don’t want that,” Xie Lian replied frantically, taking a step forward with his hands outstretched, trying to reach across the distance that was growing between them before his very eyes. But Hua Cheng only took a step back, away from him. “San Lang, I don’t want that. Please. I—I love you.”
It was a clumsy confession, too rushed and immature, but it was all Xie Lian could manage at the time.
And Hua Cheng stared back at him, face twisted up with anguish as he fought back tears.
“Your father was right,” he said quietly. “All I’ve done is ruin you.”
Those words would continue to haunt Xie Lian for years afterward.
After that Hua Cheng broke off all means of communication and ignored him completely.
It was like he had become a ghost, haunting the edges of Xie Lian’s life.
Losing Hua Cheng felt like losing a part of his soul and he threw himself into his studies just to distract himself from the pain and the gnawing emptiness that absence left behind.
Now, Xie Lian wanted to build a bridge. He tugged on Hua Cheng’s hand until he stood up and sat back down on the couch with him. Xie Lian slowly lifted his hand and —when Hua Cheng nodded— touched the corner of his mouth with the tips of his fingers.
“I’ve been in love with you since high school,” Xie Lian confessed, with all the sincerity he hadn’t been able to muster back then. “I wish I had told you sooner and in a better way.”
Hua Cheng’s lips tilted up in a semblance of a smile, but the pain in his eyes broke his heart.
“I’m not the same person that I was,” he said.
“Neither am I,” Xie Lian answered.
“Gege, you have to be serious about this. If you start saying those kinds of things, I won’t ever let you go.”
Xie Lian flushed, embarrassed at the both of them for already saying what they’ve said so frankly, but he smiled. “If you don’t want to let go, then I won’t either.”
Hua Cheng bent his head forward as he wrapped his arms around his waist, and every movement felt hesitant and unsure.
“I’m a very bad person,” he said.
“Do you think that bothers me?” Xie Lian said. “I’ve done my own share of terrible things.”
He had done things he was still ashamed of; he broke promises and lied, he took advantage of other people’s kindness and cheated them for his own personal gain. He was angry all the time and there had been days when he could barely get out of bed, overwhelmed with grief and feeling sorry for himself.
One day, he would tell him about them, but he felt like he said any of it now, he might burst into tears.
“This is going to ruin you,” Hua Cheng said, his face pressed against his shoulder.
Xie Lian ran his fingers through his soft hair, the way he always wanted to all those years ago.
“If you make me happy and I make you happy, then there’s nothing to ruin,” he said simply.
Hua Cheng looked up to meet his eyes, like he was surprised. “Do I make you happy?”
“San Lang.” Xie Lian shook his head, exasperated and fond all at once. “I missed you all this time. Every day without you felt like the world was devoid of color.” Then, he continued, because sometimes the other person had to hear the words spoken aloud, “Being together like this makes me happy.”
Hua Cheng’s arms around his waist tightened and he seemed to be fighting a battle within himself. Xie Lian could feel his body start to shake.
“Haven’t we waited long enough?” Xie Lian continued, holding him tightly back. Then he paused, loosening his grip to pull away, but Hua Cheng clung to him and wouldn’t let him go. “That is, unless you don’t feel the same way anymore—”
“That’s never going to happen,” Hua Cheng interrupted, his voice gentle but firm.
And the words were spoken resolutely and sure, brooking no argument to the contrary.
“It’s the same for me,” Xie Lian said.
Over the years, he met many people who he thought were attractive and even went on a couple dates with some of them, but it never developed past that.
There was no one he wanted, because none of them were Hua Cheng.
None of them could ever make him feel like Hua Cheng did.
And if there was anything that Xie Lian had learned over the past ten years, it was to cherish the people in his life while they were still around.
Because in a heartbeat, they could be gone, and all that remained was the regret and heartache.
Not long after losing Hua Cheng, Xie Lian’s father was convicted for a crime he didn’t commit and was forced to publicly apologize for it. He lost his position in the company and the Xie family lost their fortune overnight. The news outlets and social media covered the story relentlessly and the backlash was so bad that they were forced to move to another country. They lived there for several years until the truth was finally revealed and Father was cleared of all charges, but by then the damage was already done.
Xie Lian and his family eventually moved back, but Qi Rong fell in with a bad crowd and was arrested, which gained a lot of publicity and sparked even more criticism against the Xie family.
By then, the debts began piling up and Xie Lian began moving from place to place, working multiple jobs to help with paying them off and care for the family’s expenses. He worked himself to the bone for years and was so busy that he could barely find the time to see his parents. Then, just when he finally cleared the debts, he got the phone call that his mother and father were involved in an accident.
Neither of them survived.
“I searched for you everywhere,” Hua Cheng confessed into his hair. “I regretted what I did and wanted to tell you how sorry I was. And then when I heard about the accident…”
Xie Lian cupped his face in his hands, tears welling up in his eyes. “Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that.”
“But it wasn’t enough,” Hua Cheng protested. “I’m so sorry that you had to face that alone.”
“San Lang,” Xie Lian said, smoothing his thumbs over his cheeks. “Can I ask you to listen to me now?”
“Of course,” Hua Cheng croaked out, hoarse with emotion.
“Living without you was the worst decision I ever made,” Xie Lian said. “But knowing that you were out there searching for me. Thinking of me. Wanting to support me… That’s more than I could ever hope for.”
“Gege,” Hua Cheng said, but Xie Lian pressed a finger to his lips.
“I’m getting tired of living with regrets, aren’t you? But I don’t want to live like that anymore, and I don’t think you do either. So let’s live, San Lang. Let’s be happy.”
Hua Cheng’s red eye misted over with tears. “Gege.”
“All I need is you,” Xie Lian said as he kissed the skin underneath that eye, then kissed the other side. “Am I enough for you, just as I am?”
“You’re everything,” Hua Cheng replied and Xie Lian started crying in earnest.
And Ruoye, who had been well behaved and quiet up until now, chirped and burrowed between them. He wriggled between their bodies with an annoyed huff, before finally settling down again and purring loudly.
Xie Lian laughed through his tears and Hua Cheng laughed too, until they both cried as they held each other, allowing their bodies to fit together perfectly, as if their broken and jagged edges had finally become whole.