Chapter Text
View feels weird without the adrenaline pumping through her veins.
Tu says she's addicted to it—Prim and Love agree—and View has never had the heart to refute that. Mainly because she knows it's true, but she doesn't want to admit it. Another thing that's true is the fact that she promised Mim just a few days ago that she'd take care of herself, but here she is with her back against concrete wall, trying to catch her breath after a long fight.
She knows she has another cut near her waist, on another side this time, and there's an ache in her ribs that makes it hard to breathe. The blood seeping out of her wound is going to be a hassle to clean later, and she's running out of excuses to give to May as to why she takes so much time in the bathroom, but all she can think of Mim's face when she finds out, inevitably.
Will she be disappointed that View broke her promise?
She might be, View thinks, no, she definitely will be. View remembers the look on Mim's face that day—her eyes were a little wide and distant, like she was miles away from the conversation mentally, her brows were pinched together, like she was deeply worried. She sounded like she was pleading for her safety, for View's safety. She looked small, smaller than she ever was, and it was something View decided on the spot she wouldn't want to see ever again.
The Mim she knows holds her head up high, can attract attention without demanding for it. There's an easy air around her that makes everything she does seamless and confident, though View knows now it's because she's self-assured, and View found herself being pulled in like she's caught in a vortex with no way out. Not that she wants a way out anyway; she's perfectly fine where she is.
Keeping her heroine persona a secret from Mim wasn't hard, not like how she claimed it to be. It was easy, and if she was asked to do it again, she would; keeping Mim away from this side of her meant Mim was safe, that Mim wasn't dragged into any of the shit those sick bastards pull on View. She kept May out of it for the same reason. It also means that Mim, and May, were the only ones who kept her afloat as View Benyapa.
She realizes, extremely belatedly, that she lied to Mim's face.
Mim's going to be so mad. The thought makes View more distressed than the actual wound does, which is not a good sign.
"Vital signs are dangerously low," View's suit warns her. "I advise you get yourself checked out by a health professional. Do you want the fastest route to the nearest hospital?"
"No," View groans. "I got it."
"Please be advised that swinging in your current state would risk your injuries getting worse. Do you want me to use your emergency contact instead?"
There's a part of View that wants to risk it all, that wants to shoot her webs and crash into the hospital and ask for a medic, but then she thinks of Mim and—
"Yes," View sighs. Her head starts to feel fuzzy, like she's swimming in the deep end and she's running out of oxygen. Spots start to dance in her vision. "Call Tu, and send her my location."
She barely gets to finish her sentence when the world turns fades into nothing.
When View cracks her eyes open, the first thing to greet her is the bright, fluorescent light on the ceiling. She can't feel anything except for an unsettling calm that she isn't accustomed to. She releases a small breath, and feels her lungs expand in her ribs without hurting for once.
The second thing to greet View is a startled gasp, and a "oh my god, View!" that sounds like it came from Mim. Which is impossible because View called Tu, not Mim and— oh, there she is.
She hovers over View, brows pinched with worry and eyes impossibly wide. Her hair slips from where it's tucked behind her ear, and from her shoulders. Her lips don't have their usual glisten; it seems Mim skipped her lipgloss today, which is a shame because View always likes watching her put it on.
It's neither time nor place, again, but Mim is so beautiful View forgets to breathe for a moment.
The monitors start beeping relentlessly, and View can't really laugh physically but she thinks, what a way to get caught.
After the nurses come in to check on View, and swear to keep their mouths shut about her real identity—like legally, because Tu made them all sign NDAs on behalf of Stark Industries—silence falls on the room once more.
Mim stands by the windowsill, seemingly content with watching whatever is going on outside this hospital room. View tries to catch her gaze and fails; she tries not to show her disappointment when she meets Tu's gaze instead, where she's leaning against the wall by the sink.
Tu mouths, 'pathetic.'
View mouths back, 'get out.'
Tu straightens up with a sigh. She announces, "I'm going to buy snacks for me and Mim."
"Why am I not included?" View asks with a whine.
"I wonder why," Mim says pointedly with a sigh, still not looking at View. She turns to nod to Tu, and goes back to looking outside her window.
Tu spares View a glance and laughs as she leaves the room.
View thinks, if Mim likes windows so much, View might as well turn into one in her next life. She wonders, briefly, if powers that can help View shapeshift into anything exists. It's surely not a responsible thing to do though, using powers for personal gain, so View throws the idea away with a shake of her head.
She meets Mim's eyes in the middle of doing so. Mim sighs through her nose; View can't tell if she's annoyed, disappointed or angry—Mim's face is like a blank canvas.
Mim approaches her and takes a seat quietly. Then, she speaks. "You promised."
"I know," View says with a sigh. "I'm sorry. I tried to dodge as much as I could—"
"I get it. You don't have to explain," Mim replies. She bows her head, wrings her hands together on her lap before opening them and fiddling with her thumbs. "I know it was out of your control, and I know you didn't want to break our promise, but…"
When Mim raises her head, the look on her face leaves View devastated. Her eyes are red-rimmed and teary. Her lips are pursed tightly, and the tip of her nose is turning red. She looks less like the Mim View is familiar with; View can count the number of times she saw Mim like this on one finger. Today makes that two.
"I was just so worried." Mim's voice lowers into a whisper, her voice breaking in the middle. "Turns out you haven't fully healed from your last wound, or any of your past sprains or injuries. They said your body looks really bad, and that it's a miracle you made it this far."
"Guess my DNA doesn't work like that after all," View says quietly, in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"Of course it doesn't, you idiot!" Mim nearly shouts, practically roaring. She shoots up from her seat, and her voice echoes in the empty hospital room. She grips the rails of View's hospital bed until her knuckles turn pale. "You can be part-arachnid, have arachnid DNA or whatever, but you're still human, View. You can be Spiderwoman, but it should never be at the cost of… of you." A tear falls from the corner of Mim's eye. She hastily wipes it away. "I get that you're doing a good deed and saving people, but this city doesn't need Spiderwoman like you think it does. There are people who need you, View Benyapa."
View can practically hear it; the words hang in the air around them, waiting to be said. Still, View doesn't know if it's wishful thinking, or if what she thinks Mim wants to say is something born from her own desires, so she doesn't say a word. Mim doesn't either.
"You haven't been in my life as a friend long enough," Mim says. "I don't want to lose you."
Perhaps it's the effect of the medication then, because her vision is making it seem like Mim is - holding back. Which is uncharacteristic of her—Mim never holds back, especially when it comes to View. She has always told View things straight up ever since the day View asked her to.
View laughs, or tries to, and instantly regrets it when her ribs throb dully. "Fair enough," she huffs in amusement. "There won't be any Spiderwoman sightings until I'm fully healed, then."
"That's not…" Mim sniffles and frowns. "I'm not asking you to trade that for… for me."
View shakes her head and gives Mim a reassuring smile. "I'm not trading anything." View tries to reach for Mim's hand; Mim recognizes the gesture and reaches out to curl her fingers around View's palm. "I'm just saying I'll take a break for now, so you don't have to worry. I'll be back when I'm all better."
View curls her fingers over Mim's, loosely holding her hand. "Besides, I get to spend some time with you, so it'll be worth it."
Mim squeezes her palm. "What makes you think I'll be with you while you're on Spiderwoman break?"
"Because I'll ask," View hums. "Because I—" like you, and I've liked you since the moment I saw you. I want to spend all my time with you.
"You?" Mim prompts.
View doesn't think it's the right time to say it just yet, especially not here in a room that smells too much like disinfectant. So, she settles on: "I'll make you spend time with me, even if you don't want to."
Mim snorts. It's a sound View has never heard from her before. She makes a mental note of it. "You think you're that convincing?"
"When I want to be, yeah," View challenges.
"Okay, Benyapa," Mim narrows her eyes. "Let's see what you can do."
To Mim's credit, she has been keeping the worrying to a minimum with every day they spend together. View is glad she's taking Mim rollerskating today, a little over a week after she was hospitalized, so that Mim isn't worrying about View's injuries when she inevitably falls to the floor.
Spending almost every day with Mim has been an enlightening experience to say the least, and some of the best days of View's life to say the most. View doesn't think she has laughed or smiled this much; she goes to bed with an ache in her cheeks every night.
"Are you that excited to go rollerskating?" Mim asks as she approaches View, who's been sitting on the bench in front of the indoor park, unconsciously grinning to herself as she thinks about the past week. "I didn't know you liked rollerskating."
View 's grin grows wider, it threatens to split her skin. "I don't know how to rollerskate, but I should have good balance in theory because of the whole superhero thing."
"I don't think so," Mim sing-songs. "Those are very different things."
"Just you wait," View says.
Later, when View scrambles to gain her balance when they enter the rink, she thinks Mim might be right. Like always. View holds onto the railing and clutches it for dear life. That might have been scarier than the first time she swung through the city. She turns to look behind her and finds Mim with her hand to her mouth, facing the other way to hide her laugh.
"You can laugh," View groans as she turns back, focusing on the imaginary path in front of her.
She regrets turning around instantly, because Mim bursts out laughing. View tries to stop herself from looking back to watch Mim as she laughs, but the smile spreading on her face is uncontrollable and View finds she's running out of self-control whenever it comes to Mim. She looks back, and sees Mim doubling over in laughter, clutching her stomach as she tries to catch her breath.
"Oh, that was too good," Mim says through giggles. "I wish I got that on camera."
View feigns annoyance by rolling her eyes. The smile on her face is an obvious tell of the fake act. She likes Mim so fucking much.
"Ha ha," View says, unimpressed. "Very funny, Mim. You must be feeling over the moon right now."
"Oh, very," Mim nods. She takes a slow step onto the rink and gains her balance easily. View gapes at her, brows pinched in shock. Mim flashes her a shit-eating grin. "I told you so."
"You know how to skate?!" View exclaims.
"You don't?" Mim tilts her head.
"Fuck you, Mim Rattanawadee," View says without any venom. Warmth spreads all over View's cheeks. "Just… help me out here, would you?"
With a soft, fond laugh, Mim appears in front of her in a smooth stride. "I like this."
"Like what?" View asks.
"I like that you're not able to do some things after all. Makes you less… invincible, I guess," Mim explains. "Maybe not invincible per se. It just makes you feel… closer."
View hums. "I don't like that I made you feel like I wasn't… someone you could reach." She glances down and takes Mim's hand in hers. "From now on, I'll always be by your side."
Mim's eyelashes flutter as she blinks in surprise. It's hard to tell with the lighting, and with Mim's makeup, but View thinks she saw a faint hue of red bloom on the apples of Mim's cheeks.
Mim squeezes her hand. "You better keep your word this time."
View nods slowly. She doesn't say it out loud, but she makes a promise deep in her heart that she will.
[…]
View leads the way to a nearby park after. Her legs are slightly wobbly and she doesn't have a firm grip on the ground beneath her just yet, but View feels like she's on top of the world right now.
None of her victories can match up to how she feels after a day spent with Mim. It makes View think of the possibilities. Could her life look just like this if she decided to stay as she is now? Would any of this happen even without Mim finding out she's Spiderwoman? View used to believe that everything happens for a reason, and to some extent she still believes that, but she wants to believe that if she chose to live a normal life, she could still have this.
It's hard to imagine a life without Mim. It's unbearable to think about; she's the only constant in View's life that's keeping her from leaving her normal life, or the semblance of it, all behind. When View said there are only few things keeping her tied here, Mim was—is—one of them. And she has the feeling it will stay that way for a long time.
"What are you thinking about?" Mim asks her. View gets a whiff of warm cocoa from the cup Mim is holding in her hands.
View glances at Mim's hot chocolate. "I thought you don't like sweet stuff."
Mim hums. "I don't," she says. "It's just cold out and the vendor doesn't sell normal tea."
View nods. She notices Mim walking slower, so she matches her pace. "I was thinking of how nice all this is."
"You've been missing out, spider-girl," Mim agrees. She takes a long sip of her drink.
View watches her before saying, "I have."
They follow the path in comfortable silence. Dark blue starts to bleed into orange in the sky. The day is almost over, but View doesn't want it to end just yet. After today, View doesn't know if she'll have time to do this with Mim again. In hindsight, she could, if her Spiderwoman duties don't demand her so much when she returns. View has never been good at balancing anything, and attempting to balance the separate parts of her lives has never turned out successful. But she wants to try.
"I have something to tell you," View says.
She wants to try, because Mim cares about her as both View and Spiderwoman. Because she realizes now, that she doesn't have to give one up for the other.
"What is it?" Mim asks. She takes a slow sip, then turns to View with her brows furrowed. "Do your feet hurt? Are you feeling dizzy?"
A smile spreads on View's lips as she shakes her head. She shoves her hands into her pockets, mainly to hide how they're beginning to shake from nerves. "I'm fine," View responds. "I just wanted to tell you something before I start getting busy with… you know."
Mim's brows pinch together. She frowns. "You're going back?"
View nods. "I got a call this morning about the tasked forces needing my help," View explains. At Mim's deepening frown, View adds, "I agreed, but I made sure to tell them I was taking it slow since I was still recovering from an injury."
"Did you get cleared by the doctors too?"
"Not exactly," View says with a sheepish smile. "I did do a scan with my suit though. I'm almost fully healed, don't worry."
Mim's disapproval is clear as day. View thinks she might scoff, or insist on making View stay home for a few more days, but she doesn't. "Okay," Mim sighs. She looks up at View with a quiet plea in her eyes. "I suppose you've taken enough time to rest, and I can't stop you either since I'm not your babysitter. But I just— be careful out there."
"Of course." View takes a small step into Mim's space. A surge of confidence floods her chest when Mim doesn't take a step back. "I don't want to make you worry like that again. I'll be careful, Mim."
"Okay," Mim nods. Her eyelashes flutter as she blinks. "What did you want to tell me?"
"A few things actually," View corrects herself. She takes a slow, deep breath, and wills her nerves to calm the fuck down. "First of all, I want to say I'm sorry, for keeping you in the dark for too long. I lied; you were right, it was easy for me to keep it from you, but it's because I care for you too much to let you get caught up in my mess. I wanted to keep you safe because I couldn't bear the thought of you getting hurt because of me or your connection to me, but I was just hurting you. I'm sorry."
The left side of Mim's face is cast in shadow as the small lamps among the path light up simultaneously. View can't see much of her face or what she looks like while View is talking, so View casts her gaze to the ground beneath them.
View licks her lips and continues. "Another thing is…" she trails, curling her hands into tight fists, "I didn't mean for you to find out the way you did. I had it all planned out; I was going to meet you in that coffee shop you sent me, take you to somewhere else and show you, maybe swing you around, but I got caught up in some mess along the way. I just… I didn't want you to think I stood you up for real, or that I lied or was messing with you, and I really wanted to see you so I… yeah."
After a beat of silence, Mim asks quietly, "where were you going to take me?"
View blinks in surprise. "Nowhere in particular. I was planning to swing us around the neighborhood, then drop you off in front of your building like I did before."
"Mm," Mim hums. "Did you know I'm afraid of heights?"
"…Seriously?" View asks.
Mim giggles. "So it's probably a good thing that didn't happen. I wouldn't be able to see much anyway."
The sound of Mim's laugh releases tension in View's shoulders she didn't even notice she had. She feels a little relaxed now, which is dangerous.
"What else do you want to tell me?" Mim asks her.
View swallows thickly. This is it; it's now or never, literally. View doesn't think she'll gather the courage to do this anytime soon in the future, nor will there ever be a more 'perfect' moment than now. She entertained the idea of confessing to Mim after swinging her around the city before, or taking her to one of View's favorite spots, but she doesn't want to lay all her feelings out while she's wearing her suit. As much as Spiderwoman is part of her, View wants memories that doesn't involve the skin tight feeling of her suit on skin.
"I—" View's voice cracks. Talk about embarrasing timing. She can hear Mim stifling a laugh. View clears her throat and tries again. "I like you, Mim."
Mim gasps, "what?"
"I like you, and not just as friends," View says. "I… I never wanted to be just friends with you, Mim. All this, the… the dates, the things I say to you, they're all things I've been using to show how much I like you. I don't do any of this with anyone else, nor do I ever want to. I just want you."
"Wait—"
View's mouth opens and closes; the words are stuck in her throat, along with all the emotions surging in her chest. She feels like she's choking on them.
"I just like you so much, Mim." View's voice lowers into a whisper as she says Mim's name.
The aforementioned doesn't speak for a while. The longer the silence between them stretches, the more View's nerves jump beneath her skin. She has the sense to bolt, but she doesn't. If Mim wants to reject her here, then she should listen and respect it.
"You're a fucking idiot, Benyapa," is what Mim says before View registers the warmth of Mim's lips on her own.
When Mim pulls apart from her, there's a question that almost slips out of View's mouth. Mim beats her to it.
"I like you too," she says.
View's head grows fuzzy, because - what?
"I've liked you since highschool," Mim says with a slightly bitter, disbelieving chuckle. "I've liked you this entire time. This whole time, View. I liked you even when you were someone I didn't know enough but still knew the most. I liked you even when I was trying to distance myself from you, because we weren't friends like how you used to say I was, because I was so mad at you for not telling me a single thing. I liked you even though I felt like you couldn't trust me."
View's heart plummets to the ground. Mim continues, "I felt so stupid for liking you so much that I wanted to stop. But… but you said you'd make up for it, for the time we lost, for everything, and I believed you because I knew if I didn't, I'd regret it. It felt unfair, for the versions of myself, even now, that liked you if I didn't try one more time." She takes a deep breath. "And you did; you made up for it. The more I learned about you, the good and the bad, I only liked you more and more—"
View pulls Mim into a hug by her waist. She runs a hand down the smooth waves of Mim's hair, and tucks her nose into Mim's jaw. Mim's hands clutch at the fabric of her jacket. Her nose pokes View just below her shoulder.
"You do a terrible job of showing me you like me," Mim says. Her voice is muffled, but View hears her loud and clear.
In one smooth move, View bends down and kisses Mim the way she's been wanting to for ages. She tastes like cocoa and berries. She cups Mim's jaw with one hand, fingers curling into the hair below Mim's ear, and places her other hand on Mim's waist.
Mim's hand slides up her shoulder and curls around the back of View's head. Her other hand clutches at View's sleeve, almost as if she's holding on for support. When View pulls away, she discovers Mim is pushing herself up by her toes.
A laugh bubbles from View's chest, a soft, fond sound. "How adorable," View coos. "Am I still doing a bad job?"
Mim shoves her away lightly. "Shut up."
View grins as she's pulled down for another kiss shortly after.
honeybee (16:21): babe what the heck is this
honeybee (16:21): [sent a link]
honeybee (16:22): is this really how you tell me???
me (16:22): what's wrong with that :/
honeybee (16:22): a lot of things???? people will know ure taken and in love?????? u couldve said it to my face???????
me (16:23): 1) let them know. idc what they think
me (16:23): 2) im omw. eta 5 mins
honeybee (16:23): dont swing and text!!!
honeybee (16:24): be safe
me (16:24): wheres my i love you back? :(
honeybee (16:25): get over here and ill decide if i say it or not
honeybee (16:25): and get off your phone for gods sake view.
[…]
HEADLINE: Is our masked heroine, Spiderwoman, in love?
Looks like Spiderwoman has caught the lovebug this February too! Multiple sources from all over the city report of a message, "I love you", spelled out using webs on the Phra Phutthayotfa Bridge. Let's wish a blessed month of love ahead for our Spiderwoman and her beloved!
18m ago