Chapter Text
I’m sitting at my desk staring at the paper. It’s been 30 minutes, why can’t I think of anything to draw? I look up from my sketchbook and it’s 6:47, I have at most 15 minutes to figure out what to draw before I have to get ready for my game. My phone flashes again but I could really care less. Unless it’s from Vessa. I still forget to respond half the time. Sometimes I feel really guilty, and then she comes to school looking absolutely miserable some days and I feel even worse. I can never bring myself to text her though, I’m always doing something.
In all this worrying and thinking, I realize its not 6:56, crap! I can’t draw anything and now I have a game? What is wrong with me, I’ve always-
“Lumi! Hurry up!” My dad’s voice rings from the kitchen while I’m stuffing my bag with my guards.
“Yeah, coming..!” Guards, perfume… phone, duh, and my lucky ball.. uh huh.
Games are usually fun. They’ve gotten better since registrations opened up and we got better players, one of them is even some kid I know from school.
On the ride there, I remembered what Vessa said. Was Matao really going to leave? I hope not. He’s actually made some pretty good attempts at being a kind person. Poor Vessa, I know how close she is to him. My thoughts were interrupted by the car stopping, we’re here.
The bright lights seemed to blind me, why was everything so heavy? I walked inside the locker room and got ready. My legs felt heavier. My backpack suddenly weighed 20 pounds and my feet wouldn’t move. I got onto the court and sat down on the sidelines, the lights felt better but I could barely see out of my other eye.. I can’t do this- Why can’t I move? Why can’t I bring myself to do anything? I’m up soon, why can’t I-
“Lumi. Lumi!” It was Alva. “Lumi, you’re up.” I looked up and my leg stopped shaking.
Well, here goes nothing… I dragged myself up from the bench and onto the court, and I realized my hands were shaking, I can’t play like this..
I looked up at net and suddenly there was a ball. A volleyball- HURLING AT MY FACE.
“LUMI! DO SOMETHING-“ I got tired of being useless so I mustered up all my strength and just hit the ball as hard as I could to the other side of the net, and it.. worked? Hello?
I opened my eyes a smidge, my teammates were giving me thumbs up, well what I’m pretty sure were thumbs up. I. Can’t. See.
We won the game. It was entirely a blur of running around that squeaky court floor, someone slapping my back and sitting down for the rest of the game after the 30 minute mark. On the car ride home, I wanted to fall asleep but I physically couldn’t.
The second I got home I jumped into the shower and took the coldest shower ever to wake me up, even though I had school the next day. Well, not school, rehearsal. I have a competition on.. next Wednesday? And we have to be at rehearsal tomorrow one last time to perfect our march. Marching band is so tiring, but it’s worth it. I get to go on field trips, parades… and I have a lot of friends there too.
After my shower, (that was way too long) I walked into my room and realized I still needed to turn in the math homework, so I did what any sane person would do.
I texted Vessa asking for the math homework. Of course since she was probably up reading something or playing a game, she responded within a few minutes.
“uh huh, I got u” sometimes she texts very unenthusiastic like that. She’s probably tired.. Oh man I feel so bad now.
“okays here it is don’t mind question 6 I have absolutely no idea how I got the answer I just wrote stuff down honestly” I looked back at question 6 and realized she probably did get the right answer, but instead of angle equations it was just numbers shoved together. What?
“then what do I write???” I had a strong feeling she wouldn’t know, so before she responded I tried actually working out the equation. I mean, until she sent a screenshot of the equation done on her paper. Wow, she really went out of her way just to give me some answers? How sweet of her… Okay, I’m insanely tired.. AND I STILL CAN’T SEE!
I turned in the homework after writing down that impossible equation, and went straight to sleep. I turned around and came face-to-face with a plushie. I couldn’t tell which one it was because my right eye was closed and the blurriness was from my left eye. Damn it… Anyway, I pulled the plushie closer and I realized it was the right one.
It was a small little thing, blue. Also green. It felt a little bit sliky, but it still had some patches of ragged fur. I cannot sleep without it. I physically can’t. Something must be very wrong with me.
The next morning when I woke up, the blurry eye had gotten clearer, by a lot. And my mind was a lot neater compared to those ragged trains of thoughts I was having.. This actually happens a lot but I have no idea what it even is. I don’t get those very often, so yesterday was rare. Thank gosh today is Friday, I’ve had such a long week. Today should be good, maybe an after-school thing, a nap, maybe the air will turn off during world history, It’s always so cold in there. What time even is it?
I twisted over to look at my clock and it read 5:03 am. No wonder, it’s so dark outside. But the sunrise is really pretty. I should start getting ready for school.