Chapter Text
Hanjin woke up, head throbbing whilst he dragged himself into the kitchen, all messy hair and yawns every two seconds. He immediately caught a whiff of the sweet aroma of pancakes and honey, and he spotted his mother flipping over a new pancake, spatula in one hand. “Morning, sweetheart,” she smiled when she noticed fluffy-haired Hanjin by the doorway. “Remember Dohoon?”
Hanjin immediately went stiff, fists tightening on his sides. “Y-yeah…why?”
“Mrs. Kim and her family moved in next door a few days ago,” she pushed a box filled with various cookies to Hanjin. “Go give these to them, sweetheart.”
Hanjin reluctantly took the box—it was tied with a bright pink ribbon and there was a letter in his mother’s neat, careful handwriting that read: Welcome back, Hayoung-ssi! I missed you and I’m sure that my son misses Hoon too! Stay healthy! Hanjin’ chest tightened. What mindset was his mom on to assume that he missed Dohoon? How ridiculous. But, to be honest, he did…just a teeny tiny bit, (or, well, with his whole heart, but he wouldn’t admit that).
So, he cautiously walked down his porch and onto Dohoon’s, finger hovering over the doorbell, hesitant to press it. After calming himself down, he pressed it, only to be met with absolute silence for a while. He pressed the doorbell again. “Is anyone home?” he yelled into the door, hoping that someone would come sooner or later so that he wouldn’t have to go later in the evening. Then, he heard footsteps shuffling closer and the door swung open, revealing none other than Kim Dohoon.
This time, he looked like a complete mess—hair sticking in all directions, half lidded-eyes, droopy eye bags, dark circles. “Goodmorning, Dohoon. Since you have moved next to my house, I am here to deliver you these cookies as a welcome gift,” Hanjin lifted his lips up to the warmest smile he could manage right now, handing over the box adorned in pink ribbons and glittery stickers by his mother.
Dohoon blinked, squinting his eyes. “Thanks, I guess,” his voice came out raw and grainy, much different to his usual friendly and warm tone. “Wanna come in?”
Hanjin gulped, nodding not to upset Dohoon. He slowly stepped inside and the place was far from what he had pictured it as. The living room was quite cozy— a warm chandelier hanging above, a furry sofa, and a coffee table shaped like a cat (it seemed like Dohoon’s family liked to collect cute stuff because as they were heading to Dohoon’s room, Hanjin spotted a shelf adorned with adorable figurines. “It’s my mom’s and some are my dad’s,” Dohoon said). Dohoon’s room was no different either. The moment they stepped in, fairy lights that hung down from above welcomed them, tangled with plastic vines. On his bed were dozens of plushies and pillows scattered around as Dohoon jumped onto it. “Make yourself at home, Hanjin,” he mumbled.
With all the courage he had gathered, Hanjin asked, “Are you okay, Dohoon? You look sick.”
Dohoon lifted his head up, eyes barely open, and grinned. “I’m fine, really. But I think I caught a fever from the rain yesterday,” he dropped his head back onto the duvet, nuzzling his nose on the silky sheets, pouting.
Hanjin gasped. “Dohoon, please take care!”
“You worry too much, Hanjin. It’s just a fever,” Dohoon chuckled, although his voice sounded feeble, slurring with each word. He grabbed Hanjin’s wrist, pulling him down into the pile of soft plushies and close to his chest.
Hanjin’s shoulder hit the bed with a faint thud and he could hear Dohoon’s steady heartbeat and breathing. Hanjin’s own heartbeat was a mess, pounding harder than ever, cheeks blazing hot against the fabric of Dohoon’s shirt. “Goodnight,” Dohoon lazily mumbled, and before Hanjin could respond, he was already knocked out, faintly snoring, mouth ajar. Hanjin sighed. Being wrapped in Dohoon’s embrace felt…weirdly nice. Nobody had hugged him like this in a long time. Not his closest friends, nor his family. So, as exhaustion took over his head and his eyelids grew heavier, he fell asleep whilst locked in Dohoon’s comfortable grasp.
━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━
Weeks passed and Hanjin and Dohoon did not say a single word about that day, only exchanging occasional glances in the midst of classes and some greetings when they passed each other in the hallways. But as Hanjin was enjoying lunch with his best friend, Jihoon, Dohoon and Shinyu approached them. “Can I sit here?” Dohoon asked with expectant eyes.
Jihoon smirked. “Feel free.”
They slid onto the seat across the two boys, digging into their lunch trays whilst occasionally talking with their mouths full of rice and some other side dishes. Hanjin poked at his chicken, it looked bland now. He kept glancing at Shinyu and Dohoon, and how they were having so much fun with each other, how Dohoon listened intently when Shinyu spoke, how there was this light behind Dohoon’s pupils when he looked at Shinyu. He couldn’t understand why, but there was this weight in Hanjin’s chest. He looked down at his tray—the food staring back at him looked unappetizing now, almost disgusting. He poked at them with his spoon, rolling them over the steel tray, not once did he lift them up to his mouth and eat them.
“Hanjin, you okay?” Dohoon asked, pointing the tip of his spoon right at Hanjin.
Hanjin blinked. “Yeah. I’m fine,” was what he said, smiling. Anyone could see that he was not, but he just refused to admit it.
After each of them started emptying out their lunch trays one by one (except Hanjin, of course), they headed back to class. Hanjin entered the classroom and sat on his seat, the weight still pressing on his chest. He did not understand. He isn’t supposed to give a damn about Dohoon interacting with other people, so why did he feel that way when Dohoon was talking with Shinyu? He set the thoughts aside when the teacher entered and everyone fixed into their seats.
━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━
The bell rang and students dispersed out of the classroom, chatting with their friends whilst doing so. Hanjin shoved his pencil case into his bag and shuffled out of the classroom and out to the school gates. “Hanjin!” a familiar voice called him from behind, and when he turned around, he saw Dohoon jogging towards him with his signature sunny grin. “Are you going back home?”
Hanjin nodded, adjusting the backpack strap lazily swung over his shoulders.
“Let’s walk home together, then!” Dohoon suggested, to which Hanjin blinked in confusion, because there was no way Dohoon was actually requesting to walk him back home together. He reluctantly nodded and they set off side by side on the sidewalk, awkward silence filling the space between the two of them. Hanjin’s mind drifted back to the cafeteria, where Dohoon was being close with Shinyu. Too close to immediately assume that Dohoon liked him, at least that was what Hanjin thought. But before he knew it, they stopped just right in front of Hanjin’s house.
“Thanks for walking me home,” Hanjin smiled and waved Dohoon goodbye before disappearing into his house, shutting the door with a soft click. When he shuffled into the kitchen to grab a snack, he found his mom smirking at him. She had been peeling an apple. “You’re grinning way too hard. What is it, mom?”
His mom chuckled. “Seems like Dohoon and you are good friends now.”
Hanjin’s chest tightened so hard he felt as if his chest was compressing into a single atom. Friends, the word echoed in his head. Of course, him and Dohoon had always been friends, but nobody knew how much he wanted to be more than just friends. That title sounded…boring, or at least to Hanjin, it did. He hid all his thoughts with a gentle chuckle and returned to his room, flopping his bag down on the foot of the bed and immediately flopping onto the bed, still in the school uniform. He stared at the monochrome gray wall, paint cracking on the surface. Then, his phone vibrated with a text from none other than Dohoon.
ddoi
hey jinnie!!
wanna hang out with me at the beach tomorrow?
Hanjin squinted at the text with suspicion.
hanjin🐰
is shinyu-hyung coming too?
ddoi
yupp!
Hanjin’s lips pursed into a thin line, sighing. But he reluctantly typed back in the end:
hanjin🐰
i’ll come tomorrow what time?
ddoi
yayy
6:30 or just before the sun sets
whatever’s ok for u
Hanjin set his phone aside, face down on the bedsheet, and stared at the wall again, his mind elsewhere. There was only one question that echoed in his head: Why was Shinyu invited? It wasn’t like he hated Shinyu and didn’t want him to come, or anything. There was just this…weird shift inside his heart when Dohoon said that Shinyu was tagging along. Was it, perhaps, jealously? But he brushed it off. There was no way he was jealous. Of what, even? So, why did his chest feel weird when he heard that Shinyu was coming?
━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━
The next evening, just around 5, Hanjin stood in front of his mirror, desperately digging through his closet for an outfit that wouldn’t scream ‘minimalistic’ nor ‘maximalistic’. Then, after a whole hour of rummaging through his closet, he picked out a white long-sleeved shirt to layer underneath a navy blue shirt, and a pair of baggy jeans. He adjusted his black cap one more time before heading out the door, bag lazily slung on his shoulder.
He met up with Dohoon and Shinyu at the beach, shaking their hands with a cheerful grin despite how his heart squeezed at Dohoon and Shinyu sitting way too close together. They stared in silent awe as the sun set, casting golden rays upon them. Hanjin turned to Dohoon, whose face was illuminated in golden streaks, highlighting the curve of his jaw and the bridge of his nose, and the ridiculously beautiful brown eyes of his. Hanjin gulped, feeling his cheeks get warmer, even in the warm sunlight. He quickly turned away before anyone could notice how red his face was.
After watching the sunset together, they sat where they were, ranting about teachers, classroom drama and who was the current cutest couple. Conversation hummed between the three of them, or, well, only Dohoon and Shinyu, since Hanjin was just staring at them, occasionally replying or laughing at the right timing. The truth was, he couldn’t seem to enjoy himself at the moment. There was this discomfort that had engraved itself into his chest ever since he started watching the sun submerge into the clouds. His gaze darted from Dohoon, to Shinyu, and back, lips pressed tightly together.
It was then that he realized that he was jealous. He wasn’t sure of what, but he was sure that he was jealous. Was he jealous of the bond the two of them had? Or of how Shinyu got to be so close to Dohoon? He wasn’t sure.
But he was jealous…of something that he couldn’t quite name.