Chapter Text
"Why did you do it?"
The words figuratively sting to hear, he had anticipated the question of course, and if he had been asked when he made the decision he would have been far more confident in his answer. Now, however, after his discussion with Virgil, he can't truthfully claim his decision was made with a complete absence of emotional influence.
So he is left with the options he has been mulling over since the moment he woke up until the minute he decided to speak to the others: communicate a falsehood and hope his deceptive skills are proficient enough to fool the embodiment of Deceit himself, or allow the others to be privy to the ludicrous fact that Logan suffers from feelings and is susceptible to cognitive distortions.
If they knew that would they ever trust his word again? Would he ever be taken seriously? Would he ever be listened to again?
"My experiments led me to believe that it would be for Thomas' benefit, but perhaps there might have been some... overlooked variables."
"Overlooked variables!" Roman laughs, Logan feels white hot shame figuratively burn at his insides. He should pivot, he's not yet committed to sharing his current condition, he can still avoid the whole admission. He tests a glance to Janus, to find he's studying Logan with an unsettling level of scrutiny. "You thought that leaving would be the best thing for Thomas, and you're supposed to be Logic?" Roman chuckles again, Logan thinks he flinches but it's difficult to tell if the reaction was purely mental.
"I wasn't performing my role correctly, your sarcastic remark is accurate, Roman. I am underperforming. Correction: I am failing at my task." Logan habitually adjusts his glasses, elbow propped on his other arm; he avoids eye contact with everyone. "That is not the reason I came to my original conclusion, or at least not the sole reason, but it is a relevant fact."
"Logan, buddy, that's not true!" Patton's tone figuratively drips with pity.
"What experiments?" Janus asks, his neutral tone significantly juxtaposing Patton's.
"I ran a series of three slightly different experiments, admittedly a small sample size, with a forth that was technically compromised although conclusive in its own right."
"These were..?" Janus prompts.
"The first was to document a specific experience, the second led on-"
"What experience?" Janus cut in, tone still frustratingly neutral; impossible to read.
"Its irrelevant, the second-" Logan attempts to continue, frustration creeping up on him at the interruption, only to be shortly followed by a second.
"Falsehood." Janus draws the 's' out in a hissing sound, Logan sees a self-satisfied smirk cross Janus' face. The familiar, figurative heat of anger returning to him at the repeated interruption and the mocking of his vocabulary choice.
Logan finds himself reminded of the behaviours wild animals resort to when they perceive they are trapped in a corner. It is a foolish connection to make to his present situation as he is not a wild animal, he isn't even a complete human person — he is the representation of an individual's logical thinking. Not comparable to an animal in any sense. Logic shouldn't feel trapped when he isn't. Logic shouldn't act irrationally. Logic shouldn't lash out and yet- "WILL YOU LET ME SPEAK?!" He yells.
Janus' smile only widens, before he fixes his expression to a mildly amused neutral, and he leans back with a gesture at Logan to continue.
"Shit." Logan realises his error. Fumbling over his thoughts to form words, anger only slightly abated by acknowledgement. He clenches and unclenches his hands, adjusts his glasses, and attempts a breath. When none of it has any effect, and he finds himself not knowing what to do with his hands he announces, "I need to take a walk." and quickly turns on his heel to pace the length of the corridor.
Various Sides and Thomas exhale held breaths, "Wow.." Thomas mutters in disbelief, before he turns to Janus. "Are you.. okay?" He asks.
"Quite." Janus assures, a half-concerned and half-smug expression on his face.
"You shouldn't push him like that." Virgil mutters, Janus only gives a noncommittal hum in response before Logan returns.
"I apologise, Janus, I did not intend to yell." He grits his teeth, casting his eyes at the floor between them all.
"No harm done." Janus shrugs, "Though you still haven't answered my question.." He prompts.
"Janus. Quit it." Virgil chides through gritted teeth.
"Thank you Virgil, but he is technically correct." Logan huffs in annoyance, "Besides it's not as if my short temper has never been displayed before. My first experiment was on my anger. I had been experiencing heightened levels of emotion — eugh — and thought it would assist in growing my understanding of a field I have limited experience with if I documented my own experiences with it." He adjusts his glasses. "That is why I am failing at my role — my judgement is biassed, ergo, Thomas' logic is faulty." He explains.
"You're not faulty, Logan!" Patton protests, "You're only human, it's natural to have feelings."
"Technically none of us are human." Logan corrects.
"Well we're all human-like! We all have feelings, cause Thomas has a lot of feelings." Patton says.
"It's unfair to hold you to such standards, logic is very rarely completely unbiased." Janus adds.
"It doesn't mean we don't need you," Virgil says, "and it doesn't mean we're going to start ignoring you just 'cause you have feelings."
Logan scoffs in amusement, "Start."
"We don't ignore you!" Roman argues.
"Do you feel ignored?!" Patton asks.
"Well... my contributions haven't exactly been noted recently." Logan admits.
"Hey that's because we've almost exclusively been talking about Nico for weeks- months, even!" Roman says "You don't even like Nico! Or anything to do with romance! You've renounced it dozens of times!"
"Oh. Yes- I suppose that... That is a factor I failed to include — the topic of debate." Logan realises. "There isn't much I can usefully contribute in that aspect of Thomas' life, I suppose."
"Actually," Thomas starts. "I think there is something I really need your help with, Logan. I need to figure out how to explain to Nico why I haven't been talking to him."
"Why can't you just tell him it's been a difficult time for you?" Logan asks.
"I don't know how!" Thomas explains.
"Send him a text, or a phone call, or arrange to see him in person." Logan suggests.
"Invite him out to dinner!" Roman chips in.
"Offering to pay for his meal will likely make him more agreeable to hear you out." Logan agrees.
"Bribery." Janus nods sagely. "Always works."
"Sure, bribery." Logan nods.
"Bribery isn't... very good though." Patton says.
"It's not bribery! We're not giving him money! It's a romantic gesture!" Roman says.
"It doesn't really matter what you call it." Virgil sighs.
"I'm gonna text him." Thomas decides, pulling out his phone.
Thomas manages to arrange a meal with Nico, he gets to explain himself, why he's been impossible to reach, touching very briefly on his internal struggles. As it turns out, Nico is extremely understanding, and there is no long-term damage done to their relationship.
«—»
Days continue to pass, and Logan helps Thomas figuratively pick up the pieces, soon getting back into his regular routine — perhaps even a slightly better one, actually.
Logan is admittedly surprised by Roman's request to speak with him, the fanciful side doesn't typically seek him out nor voluntarily enter his room.
"What is it you wish to speak about?"
"I just wanted to make sure that... I didn't want you to think... does my teasing upset you? Did that contribute to your decision to duck out? I just want you to know that I don't mean any of it okay, it's just how I express my love- I mean where else am I going to use all the genius insults and nickname I think up? My point is, I'm sorry. If you want to stop... or do it less, then I don't want to be hurting you, Logan" He sighs.
"Oh. That is unexpected. I appreciate the apology, Roman, that's very mature of you. I can assure you that I don't take most of what you say seriously."
"That's good." Roman nods, relieved, "Wait you mean just the insults right? You take me seriously the rest of the time."
"Sure." Logan cracks a smile.
Roman scoffs, also smiling "Oh, ha-ha, very funny. I would insult you right now but I'm being sincere."
"Thank you, Roman, I do appreciate it."
"Good, great." Roman nods, slightly awkward, and Logan knows he isn't this genuine frequently. He really does appreciate the effort. "So... bye?"
"Goodbye." Logan turns back to the task he was completing while Roman sinks out.
«—»
Logan had expected to return and things continue as they always have, instead, things have changed. He can see the others making an effort to make him feel heard, and it's making their discussions significantly more pleasant and — more importantly — more productive.
Typically Logan dislikes being wrong, but he finds he's quite glad that he was wrong about this.