Chapter Text
What the fuck was I doing? God damn it. Was I really that fucking desperate to know what the hell was going on between Gwen and I that I had been close to stalking her for the hell of knowing what was going on between us? Yes and that’s way I’m avoiding any kind of Gwen related conversation.
We have been in a weird dance the last few weeks, lots of texts, some funny ones and some sad ones, we have sent pictures, we had a few late night calls and this week had dinner together two times and still had no fucking clue what was going on. I could only wish for something to be up but she hadn’t given me any in and I was- for sure- not asking for one, not after not knowing for sure that she had moved on from her ex.
I had called Adam to ask him to go to the restaurant with me, I told him that a friend had talked to me about it and since Behati was out of town, why not? It did take me a while to convince him to go out but at the end, I won. Adam got intense whenever she wasn’t around.
-Who exactly told you about this place?- Adam asked me as he took the highway on our way to the north of LA. He had picked me up and we were now on our way to the restaurant.
-I don’t really remember…- Hell, Gwen did. One night we were talking about food and she told me that the best restaurant in LA was a cheap one outside the city, called The Rouge, it specialized in Italian food. –Might be Amanda, or Casey or… someone. I know it was a girl- Maybe Adam will…
-Gwen?- YES
-Maybe, probably. I don’t know- I could remember anything and everything she had said and even the way she said it, since the day we started to talk. If she was talking, I was listening, as simple as that.
-You two have been talking an awful lot lately-
-Yeah, we are both going through divorce and were in shitty marriages, seemed normal to start a… friendship- That hesitancy didn’t sound good and Adam’s silence proved me right, he made me look at his face after a while, he had a smug smile on his face and I saw him peeking at me. –What now?-
-Nothing…absolutely nothing-
-What? Just say it-
-I think it’s normal for people to talk about shitty things…but you two are getting tight. Don’t you dare to say it isn’t true- It was true, so I kept quiet. I have told Adam about Gwen and me whereabouts, it was impossible to miss the inside jokes and some of the looks we would give each other, so two weeks into whatever Gwen and I were doing, I let Adam know and first he didn’t believe it and now he can’t seem to move on the past that.
-It’s not weird. Yes, we are different but Gwen and I can be friends, hell you and I are friends. We are very different-
-Yeah, but it developed in months of us working together… and neither of us is gay-
-Is Gwen gay?-
-Fuck you. You know what I meant. Haven’t you thought the possibility of you and Gwen…-He shut up and looked at me? I was quiet and took three deep breaths, trying to ignore the silence and my racing heart. – Have you?-
-Adam…-
-The truth. We have talk about this…we have agreed to speak the truth-
-I … might … have-
-I knew it! Fucking knew it! HA!- Adam screamed and celebrated – What are you gonna do about it?-
-Nothing…you crazy-
-Blaaaaake-
-No, listen…listen to me. Gwen and I are friends and that’s it-
-Fine, fine…you two are friends and that’s it-
-Yes…that’s it-
He shut up and the conversation went to the fact that Adam and Behati were actively trying to get pregnant and the fact that the band was hitting a low didn’t help the first issue not happening quickly.
-Dude, always happens. If it can happen to one person, I can only imagine what would happen if there’s literally four, five or even six people in a band. Just, calm down and things are gonna come when they have to-
-We are coming up with this shitty songs and if a song can be good enough for an album, its cause it’s catchy, not because it’s good and I’m tired of that shit-
-Give you guys some time, something will come up, I mean, Sugar was such a hit-
-I guess… but it took us months before coming up with a slightly good song-
-Maybe you guys need to come back to what you know…-
-What do you mean?-
-Your first record was such a success, why don’t you guys go back to that place?-
-We have talked about it –After a heartbeat- Maybe you should do the same…-
-What?-
-You told me about wanting to put an album out there so people would move on from the divorce songs, right? Why don’t you make it worth it? Like, songs you want to tell and your own story but getting those divorce songs people want so bad...-
-So, you mean use it to pass by the attention and the tension-
-Yeah. You can even do something with that non-relationship you share with Gwen-
-Fuck off-
-I mean it… I truly do-
The rest of the trip was a quiet drive, the scenery was quite stunning and some parts were interesting enough to bring my attention to it, took us almost an hour to get there and by that time, we both were starving.
-God, I’m so hungry…this place must be good or I’m suing you for…being stupid-
We got in, the place was half empty and the teen that received us, opened his eyes wide and stutter his way to our table, at the end of the restaurant, a little dark and a nice booth, perfect. Sat down and order some drinks as we looked at the food and after I decided for some pasta with an unpronounceable name and Adam went for a veggie one, he looked at me and shook his head.
-Today is not your day-
-What do you mean?-
-Look who’s there- I looked to where his eyes were set and I saw Gwen talking to some guy on one of the tables at our right. The guy was looking at her in a clear haze, he looked at her like she came from heaven and was walking between us mortals. She did looked amazing though, I have to admit it. They were laughing out loud.
-See, she’s right there. On a date- Hell that hurt. She was dating already? WHAT?! She cried two nights ago talking about the separation from her kids, but now…she was eating in a restaurant that she loved, with a man and in a dark corner, fuck.
-Maybe it’s not a date…-
-Dude, two people in a restaurant far from home, sitting down in a corner, at least one of them single…it’s a date-
-Wait? Are WE on a date? I mean, I know I have talked to you about me being open to a lot of things but cheating on B and hooking up with you it’s not one of them- Adam tried to be funny. He knew how I felt, or at least had an idea and fuck, I hate being vulnerable which had become my second nature since January.- Dude…-
-Forget it, Adam. Let’s eat- In another moment I would have asked for a beer, a vodka or some sort of alcohol, but I have been on a cleanse the last couple of months. I had been drinking a little too much and it had been obvious for some people so I stopped altogether, at least for a while as I gather myself.
The food arrived and I tried my hardest to keep my mind away from that blond a few tables away. Adam and I started to talk about our teams and the pairing, even talked about our advisors and I could see his eyes going from me to where Gwen was sitting in. After the third time I saw him doing it, I snapped.
-Stop it. Look at me, I’m the one talking- I snapped
-I know. I know…It’s weird, like very fucking weird-
-I know, but either way, stop it-
-The food is pretty good, though. I guess you remembered who told you about this place, huh?- Adam trying to crack a joke at this moment, had me wanting to murder him.
-I cannot believe you two are here! You came by- I heard her voice coming through with the guy following her. He was a skinny dude, blonde and a bit tan, around her height and had a big smile on his face, but who wouldn’t if they had a date with Gwen.
-Gwen? Oh, My!- Adam stood up and hugged her as I got up waiting my turn to do the same. Gwen turned to me and she hugged me tightly and then left her arm on my shoulders as he introduced us to her date.
-Blake, Adam ...this is my friend Justin Tranter. Justin, Blake Shelton, and Adam Levine-
-Nice to meet you, man- Adam shook his hand and I did the same with a tight handshake.
-It’s my pleasure to meet you too, Gwen has told me so much about The Voice, you two are the star of it all but I do have to say, especially you, Blake- As his words left his mouth, I smiled- frankly quite dry and fake but smiled at the end- I was so caught up in the awkwardness of the situation, I didn’t catch Gwen blushing at the dude’s words, Adam did though and he just raised his eyebrows at her. Before neither of us could answer, his phone rang and he took it quickly, apologizing and walking away.
-You remembered this place-
-Yeah, I did-
-Blake was all: Gwen told me about this place, we should totally go. So, we are here-
-Did you like it?-
-The food is great, I’m surprised is half empty, though-
-It gets super crowded on the weekend. Never come on those days-
-I’ll remember that- I stared at Gwen trying to decipher her mind, her thoughts and …her date? Was it good? Did she like him? Why didn’t she talk about him the last time we saw each other? She, on the other hand, was looking straight at me, her hand on my forearm –holding it- and her eye set on my face. Adam was just looking at both, rolling her eyes every time. The silence was so fucking awkward, it was almost hard to breathe.
-Sorry, here I am- The Justin guy returned
-Everything alright?- Gwen asked, slightly concern.
-Yeah, sweetie, everything is great- That really set my jaw to stone. –Ready?-
-Yeah. See you guys on Monday, right?-
-Yeah. Monday…-
-Bye, cowboy. Bye, Adam-
-Bye, girl- Gwen and the guy walked away and Adam and I sat down again, looking at my food, suddenly disgusted and not hungry anymore. –Damn, remind me to never be between you two in any occasions. It’s always awkward for all kinds of reasons-
-What do you mean?-
-The other day, you two were ignoring everyone and were having a deep conversation about croissants. I was in the middle and I can bet anything, neither of you noticed me- I blushed hard, we did notice, late and right after I got my elbow on Adam’s side.
-Whatever- I kept eating fighting the blush and I received a text, no long after that.
“Hey, cowboy. What about a movie? Tonight?” I looked at the text and felt my gut clenching for many reasons. Was she texting me after a date? So the date turned out horrible? Was I gonna become the guy who she calls whenever the date turns south? Was I really that deep in the friend zone?
-What happened? - Adams asked while he asked for the check. I just turned my phone out to him and his brows went up. – What are you gonna do? You do know she saw that you read it…-
-Yeah… I do. Am I the king of the friend zone?-
-There’s only one way to find out-
“I’ll ask Adam to drop me off at my place and then I’ll head to yours”
“Kay *smiley face*”
We left the restaurant and headed straight to Gwen, where Adam left me even though I asked him not to, called in, walked in and saw her standing at her entrance, wearing the same clothes but her feet completely naked, and damn sometimes I wonder how other naked parts look like on her.
-Hey- I stood right in front of her, on the street.
-Everything alright?-
-Yeah… all good-
-You guys were quick-
-Adam doesn’t mind speeding-
-Hope he is careful-
-He is… honestly-
-Aren’t you gonna come in?- She asked with a laugh
-Yeah, I am-
I entered and waited for her to close the door to follow her to the main living room, the mood already set. The tv was on, there were some popcorn and chips on the table and even a couple of sodas.
-What movie are you in the mood …-
-Where is the Justin guy?- I interrupted her
-What?-
-Justin…the dude you went out with-
-He dropped me off, he must be at home-
-Ok-
-What is it with you?-
-Just…took me by surprise. Didn’t know you were dating, and suddenly hit me like a brick-
-Dating? Blake…-
-I get it… I do. He’s handsome – I guess- blonde, fit and he looks like he’s from here and he seemed nice. It just surprised me, that’s all. Anyway, what movie did you get?- I took the movies off her hands as I tried to not punch myself at my stupid comment.
-Wait… hold on a second. You’re not gonna just say that and act normal. What the hell?- She took the movies back from me and turned to me
-What? I just said something dumb and unimportant-
-It is not dumb and unimportant. You’re accusing me of dating someone-
-I’m not accusing you-
-Yes, you are-
-It took me by surprised, I said. I mean, damn it. I didn’t know we were allowed to just…date. I didn’t know we were dating- I was getting worked up and I stood up.-Not us. You know what I meant-
-Yeah, of course, we are not dating… I know that-
-What’s that supposed to mean?-
-Nothing. Listen, I’m not…-
-You don’t owe me an explication. Ok? Is just… damn, wasn’t ready to see you there and we have been…whatever. I should go- I walked to the entrance. I needed out
-Blake…- She followed me and I was trying to contain my hurt, my anger and my shame, all at the same time.
-Don’t, Gwen. Ok? I’m sorry. I just…didn’t know we were allowed to- I said when I stood in her driveway
-Allowed to what?-
-Date people-
-Blake! You’re not fucking listening to me- Screaming match, I guess.
-Fuck. I don’t want this to get worse than it is. Listen. It has been great to hang with you…I just don’t want to make it even weirder. When I start dating and us getting weird… shit… what I’m trying to say is that…-
-You explain yourself. Actions speak louder than words. Remember that- She walked up to the door.- Before you leave. Justin is gay, is in a relationship, I don’t wanna date anyone else and I thought you and I were…something. Definitely wrong- Before she could slam the door, I moved quickly and got my foot in between the door and the frame.
-Wait…-
-No, you said what you wanted to say and I said what I wanted to say. It’s done deal and…stop it, move your foot- She was screaming, trying to move my foot off the door and for the first time I actually showed her my strength.
I moved my foot and opened the door, she stumbled back. I slammed the door shut and walked in, moving her back to the wall and pressing her to it. I moved my neck down and looked at her, straight in the eyes.
-You’re not dating him- I said.
-No- Loud and clear
-He’s gay-
-Yes. Didn’t you notice?-She rolled her eyes, now. Fuck, I fucked up.
-You’re single-
-Yes-
-You thought we were…-
-Blake…- She broke my gaze and started to look directly at my chest
-Building something?-
-Blake…-
-Look at me, gorgeous and be honest-
-We have been texting and talking for weeks…I thought-
-Me too. That’s why I got so bitter when I saw you with him, in a restaurant you said you liked to go out to with people you love-
-Justin was just signed as one of the writers for my album-
-Did he? Is he good?-
-I think so-
-Good- I answered and was hard trying to fix my stupid mistake. Apologizing was the obvious and needed reason but there were so many things left to say, we both said things that could consider a shift in the relationship
-Can you stop pressing me into the wall?-
-I don’t know. I kind of like you there-
-Do you?-
-Yeah-
-What are we doing?-
-I have no clue… but for some reason, I kind of like it but it terrifies me-
-I’m scared too-
-I was hurt, bad-
-So, was I, gorgeous-
-I thought I was using you-
-How?-
-You get my head away from it all, really…you do. Then it made me feel bad, about it, the using you part but things…changed-
-What would you say, if I tell you that you do the same for me and things changed for me too-
-Did it?- I got my forehead on hers, our eyes locked in the moment, both trying to get what the right thing to do was
-How about we just…help each other?-
-How?-
-Doing what we have been doing but more-
- More? Of the usual? More things?-
-Both-
-I like that-
-Just a question…-
-What?-
-Can I kiss you? Is that part of the whole building thing? Cause, girl…I’ve been dying to do that since day one-
-Yeah… you can- And with that, it was a deal. That’s it. I looked down to her lips and bent my head as she got on the tips of her toes to get closer to me, and after a hesitant second, our lips touch.
The kiss wasn’t passionate, wasn’t deep or long, it was the testing kiss, the kind of kiss two people have for the first time, it was the kind of kiss that two people who haven’t kissed anyone in a few months have. It was a kiss filled with dreams, hope and a lot of faith. It was the perfect kind of the first kiss.