Chapter Text
It's not until his fifth drink that Zack starts to feel okay again.
He might be into Jason. Okay. So what?
Jason is obviously in love with Kim. Or Billy?
He's actually quite confused about those three.
It doesn't matter. He's already into someone else, and even if he wasn't, Zack is completely aware of the fact that he will never make a move on him.
He has enough on his plate already.
But it's at that moment, as he looks around at his friends and realizes what they all have been through together, and how they still continue being there for each other when there is no need to anymore... In that moment, he doesn't want to feel alone anymore, building walls around him and keeping secrets that are only bound to break his heart.
The moment Jason had figured it out had been terrifying.
It had felt like jumping off a cliff with no parachute. Blindfolded.
But realizing nothing had changed was like falling all the way down and finding water at the bottom.
Like the first time they all jumped into the water and discovered a destiny bigger than all of them.
Like understanding that while the act of jumping was intimidating and scary, the landing was safe.
He was safe.
"-right, Zack?"
He looks away from the fire to stare at Trini. "Huh?"
She doesn't look impressed by his daydreaming habilities. "Are you high?" She looks around. "Because unless you've been smoking dirt and rocks..."
Zack just rolls his eyes.
"Anyway, these two morons want to play charades and i'm sure you agree with me when I say that some of us still got enough dignity to refuse t-"
"Some of us, yeah," He interrumps Trini. "-but I'm heartbroken to say... not you."
A candy bar hits him on the right side of his face.
Ouch.
He sobers up quickly though. If he wants to do this (and he's still not sure if he wants to) it has to be now. It's frightening to even think about it, but it's worse to think about spending days and days working up the courage to do it, only to keep avoiding it at the last moment, afraid of exposing himself like that to the others.
No. If he's doing this, he's doing it now.
"Hey, guys?"
Billy hears him first, and shushes the others, who seem to have discovered the fascinating joy of throwing candy bars at each others faces. The movement around the fire come to a halt, and they all turn gradually to look at him.
And Zack starts sweating.
"I..." Hell. This is hell. And he's hating every single second of it. "Fuck. Okay. I just need to say something important about me. I don't really know-"
He's distracted at that moment by the feeling of a couple of drops of water on his arm. He stops talking and shoots a confused look to the sky. Soon after, a gentle, soft rain starts falling on them, quickly into heavy rain soaking their thin clothes.
"Damn it!" Billy exclaims, the first one to get up from the ground.
They manage to gather all their stuff in a couple of minutes, racing down hill while the sky roars angrily above them.
Zack's heart is beating at an alarming pace. He's not sure if it's because of what was about to happen minutes before or from the running.
He feels irritated.
But he focuses himself to run. If there's one thing he knows how to do is running from his problems.
He is damn good at that.
****
They decide to go to Billy's house. As the boy points out, they clearly need some place with a ceiling and he tells them it will make his mom happy.
So they go to Billy's house.
His mom gives towels to every single one of them and Zack tries to at least pat his head dry with his.
They settle around the basement, and shortly after Billy's mom brings them a bowl full of popcorn. A few punches are thrown around in a violent dispute for the warm food.
Jason sits next to Zack, his right arm behind Zack, resting on the couch. Not quite on his shoulders, but close enough to make him nervous. "Hey."
"What's up?" Zack manages to say.
"About before... where you gonna tell the others?" Jason's face shows agitation and confusion.
When Zack simply nods, the boy stares at the floor, lips pursed. After a few (weird) seconds, he turns to look at Zack. "I just want to make sure you're not doing this because... Because of the stupid things I said the other day. I promise I'm not gonna say anything, and I understand if you feel like I can blab out at any moment and this is your way of-"
"No. No, no. Calm down." He puts a hand on Jason's knee to reassure him. "It has nothing to do with that." Jason sighs relieved and Zack continues. "I wanted to do it for myself, I just needed to get it out. I guess it was the moment... But it doesn't really matter now."
He shrugs. "The moment passed."
Jason shakes his head. "No, dude. I mean, it is okay if you don't feel ready. But if you want to do this..." He hesitates before carrying on. "There is no right moment. And there is no wrong moment. Okay?" He smiles at Zack. "Don't let the world decide for you."
After that, Jason joins the other on the floor, leaving Zack on the couch with a bunch of conflicting feelings. Great.
He sits for a couple minutes uncomfortably in his cold and damp shirt, the material sticking to his binder. It's annoying. It suffocates him, even though by now he's figured out it is not the preassure on his chest (he's used to that), but the fear of someone noticing.
He keeps softly pulling the fabric away from his skin every few seconds.
Billy disappears for half a minute and returns with a another shirt, this one definitely much less soaked in water.
Jason gets up from his spot on the floor and approaches him. Jason hears them talk while pretending to check his phone.
"Billy, can you bring me a shirt? This one is really uncomfortably wet and I don't wanna catch a cold."
"Oh, yeah. Give me a minute."
He comes back with a white shirt on his hand. "I don't know if it's gonna fit you, but it's the only one I have big enough cause the one you use is on the laundry banket."
And now there is total silence in the room.
Trini is the first one to break it. "Why is his shirt on the laund - OH."
KImberly also stares at the two boys. "Oh my g-"
Billy looks at Jason with panic. "I was not supposed to say that, was I? I was not supposed to say that!"
Jason grabs Billy by his arms before the boy starts spiraling. "Billy, it's okay."
"Is it? Or are you just saying that to calm me down but you're actually mad at me?" His eyes go wide. "I screwed up, didn't I?"
Jason shakes his head, still smiling. "Billy, it's okay."
"Oh."
Jason's face is hilariously red when he turns to look at them, his hand still on Billy's arm. "And you all... shut your mouths."
Zack is pretty sure Jason is about to start laughing, and a quick look around confirms that Kim and Trini are also this close to losing it.
"So is it serious?" Kim asks, and... is it weird that Zack hears some jealousy in that question?
Jason starts fidgeting with the shirt in his hands as he glances at Billy, who doesn't say anything. "I... am not sure." He raise a little the shirt and makes a head motion towards the door. "I'm gonna go change."
There is a small bathroom in the basement. He closes the door once he's inside.
The tension of the moment seems to dissipate.
Until Billy makes an "oh" sound when he looks at Zack. "Do you want to change too? You must be really cold, Zack, you could've said something too." He leaves running and comes back seconds later with a black simple shirt. "Here, it's mine but it will fit you."
Zack is actually really grateful, and honestly excited to change into dry clothes.
Until he realizes they are all staring at him, and the only bathroom is occupied, and there is nowhere to change.
He sits again in the couch. "I'll... wait until Jason is done."
Kim makes a weird face. "I think I hear the hairdryer, and you know how that boy can get about his hair." She rolls her eyes. "It could take a while."
Trini snorts. "Come on, dude, don't tell me you are embarrassed to take your shirt off?" She covers her eyes with her hand. "Okay, not looking, better?"
Zack's stomach turns. He can't even find it in himself to laugh.
He just stands there, paralyzed.
The others look at each other, not understanding the awkwardness. But they must sense the boy is really not comfortable with this, and they reasume whatever game they were playing on the floor before.
"Actually..."
There is no right moment.
He takes his shirt off.
It takes Billy, Trini and Kim and few seconds to realize.
They stare at his binder as he puts on the clean dry shirt.
He feels on autopilot. Like every muscle in his body is right now working with absolutely no imput from his brain.
"What-"
Jason opens the door of the bathroom in that moment, and they lock eyes across the room.
And Jason smiles at him and nods.
Zack looks at the others and and tries to gather all the courage he has left. "I'm trans."
****
The room is impossibly quiet now.
Billy looks at the others before saying "I don't understand."
By her expression, Kim doesn't either. But when Zack looks at Trini, he sees comprehension. It surprises him more than it should.
"I'm transgender." They start to grasp what he's trying to say. "You guys have only known me as Zack because I transfered schools when I was eleven. The old school was too expensive for us at that time anyway..."
Trini nods, assimilating the information. "How did we not know about this? I mean, it's a small town."
Zack shrugs. "I made sure to not hang around people too much."
Billy stares at him with an intensity that unsettles him.
And then he hugs him.
And it feels good. God damn it, Billy gives good hugs.
There's just something a bit weird about all this. "Billy, you don't like hugs."
The boy squeezes harder.
"Well, I do now."
****
Kim quickly notices that Jason is the only one to not react. Or at least, the only one who is not completely stunned by Zack's words.
She points a finger at him. "You knew?"
Jason looks at Zack, and the latter nods.
"Yeah. I found out." He says with a hand at the back of his head, hesitant.
Zack and him share a look.
The black ranger can't help a smile. "I let my guard down."
It shouldn't sound flirtly.
Then, why does it?
Jason clears his throat and looks at the others. "I was also kind of a dick."
"Wait, wait, wait..." Trini butts in as she points at Zack. "Is that why you were so sad that day I found you in the mountain?"
Zack nods uncomfortable.
"Holy shit! That's so funny, I was completely sure you had been rejected by Jason."
Zack tries to grab something to throw at Trini. But he's not fast enough.
Oh god, he's gonna kill the girl.
Jason is looking at Trini like she grew a second head, and everyone els is either also staring at her or... at him. Kim is not fazed though, apparently. "Wait, was that a secret or something?"
Jason laughs nerviously as he refuses to look at Zack. "He's not into me, what are you talking about?"
And Zack feels the need to start running. Far, far away from here.
When no one answer, Jason looks directly at him. "Wait... are you?"
He can't answer that.
So he runs.