Chapter Text
His legs moved on their own accord, running blind, unsure of his destination, and not fully comprehending why he was running to begin with. He shouldered his way through the crowded mall, tripping over shoppers, shoving bags out of the way. He landed at a staircase that lead up to a rooftop exit and doesn’t hesitate, gasped at the air after shoving through double doors. His mind was still wrapping around the reality that Li Jie was He Tian. Out of everyone in the world, why did it have to be He Tian?
He was overreacting, why did he always overreact? There was no need to leave like that, he could have addressed the matter with He Tian after. Stupid. He squatted, buried his head in his arms. Why did things involving He Tian always get him so worked up?
It took a minute but eventually he got to his feet, head foggy, throat thick and no he wasn’t going to cry. But he could already feel the prickling, burning sensation and scrubbed a hand across his face. Finally, he really took in his surroundings. He was on the rooftop of a parking garage; approaching the edge, there was a decent view of the city. Resting his elbows on the ledge, he watched the flow of activity beneath him. Shoppers hurried in and out of their cars, the busy street a Red Sea of headlights. Breath emitted in foggy puffs as he calmed his breathing. He shivered realizing how long he had been out there, coat forgotten in his haste to distance himself. He jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder, spun around arms up in defense, fists at the ready.
He sighed in relief to see it was only He Tian, then choked mid-way because, shit, it’s He Tian.
“What do you want,” he ground out, thankful his voice carried some weight, didn’t sound as high and tight as his chest felt.
He Tian looked, for lack of a better word, ridiculous. Still clad in the Santa Claus outfit, though he’d removed the stomach, the beard dangled awkwardly in his hand.
“I already know you’re a fraud, so I really don’t see what there is to discuss.”
He Tian shuffled, tipping his weight to one side, yanked a hand through his hair.
“Look, I messed up, what I did was-“
“Evil and sinister but that’s your general character so I can’t say I’m surprised.”
There’s a deep rumbling sound and Mo trailed off because He Tian was laughing; laughing at him.
“Evil, Guan Shan, really? Dishonest, oh most certainly but sinister? Let’s cut out the middle school dramatics.”
It was true but that didn’t mean Mo had to like it, let alone tolerate it. “Your ego literally knows no bounds,” he shot back. “Middle school dramatics? Says the guy running around in disguise. Says the liar.”
“This was my job, I didn’t lie.”
“No? Li Jie? You’re honestly full of it.” He shoved off the ledge, not back inside just as far away from the other as possible.
This time the arm came, not around his neck but a hand around his bicep, tentative.
“Mo wait please,” He Tian said, voice strained. The words spilled out in a rush like he was desperate, giving Mo more pause than any force could. He waited.
“I’m sorry.”
Mo turned, shook off his hand, “what?”
“I said I’m sorry, it was stupid and manipulative, but so worth it. For once I could talk to you with ease, laugh, joke, not have to scale all these walls you put up before I can even get a word in.”
“I don’t put up walls,” Mo said defensively.
He Tian laughed out loud, it sounded hollow as it echoed around the vacant space. “You are so heavily guarded I’m surprised you’re not a recluse.”
“But,” he said seeing the deepening of Mo’s frown, “this week you opened up. Hell you actually asked me for my help, my advice, even when you were in serious trouble back then with She Li you didn’t ask for help.”
“We weren’t friends, why would I have?”
“Guan Shan, what I’m trying to say is I enjoyed the past week and a half, I know you did too. Maybe because it wasn’t me, as far as you knew, but I wish that it could be in the future. I was wrong but I want to make things right. You liked Li Jie right? Can we start over and this time you can get to know me?”
Mo opened his mouth, closed it. Had he enjoyed the past week? Yeah. It was not that he’d spent it with He Tian that pissed him off. It was that aspect of forcing his will, belittling his right to make his own decision. Yeah he had walls up but how else could he buffer opposition? As soon as he let someone in they tried to control him. He peered up at He Tian and it was almost laughable how conflicted he looked, one hand gripping his elbow, face etched with concern.
“Okay.”
“Okay..?”
“What you did was shitty and underhand but we can start over” he held up a finger, when He Tian opens his mouth “but on my terms.”
“On your terms,” He Tian repeated slowly, turning the words over on his tongue.
They’re quiet for a bit, Mo considering.
“I just don’t get why you put so much effort into this, into us,” Mo said, tipping his head back to look at the sky.
He Tian followed his gaze, sighed in content.
“I don’t know, sometimes you’re just drawn to people.”
The volunteer job thankfully came to a close and Mo was relieved but also wistful, he’d miss taking pictures, the camera, screaming kids however not so much.
He let He Tian walk him home that night, heartbeat speeding up every time their hands brushed together, the touches building up like static.
“You figure out what you’re gonna get your mom yet?” He Tian said, breaking the silence.
“No, at this point I’ll probably get her a gift card or something.”
Mo walked on, frustrated and disappointed, ready to chalk this one up as another failed year. It took him a moment to realize He Tian was not with him, and look back. He Tian was stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, head craned back looking at the stars. Brought his head up when Mo called his name, telling him to stop fucking around.
His lips are stretched in a grin, mischievous look on his face.
“I have an idea.”
Mid-morning sunlight slipping between the cracks in his blinds roused Mo from an otherwise dead sleep. With the pressure of the last few weeks of school before the new year, combined with the hours of his volunteer job, he would have been hard pressed to say this wasn’t one of the best sleeps he has had in ages. He craned his arms over his head, stretching, his joints popped in response, laying back content. Cautiously he peered over the edge of his bed but the futon he’d set up last night was empty.
What the hell?
He froze, turned slowly to his right, breath catching at the sight. He Tian lay curled in his sheets, far from where he’d left him the night before, arms wrapped over and around a pillow. From this perspective he looked innocent, face loose and tranquil, the sight not upsetting Mo as much as he thought.
When he’d found out that He Tian usually spent Christmas alone something had pulled at him, mouth working while his brain tried to catch up. He’d insisted, despite his better judgement, that He Tian spend Christmas Eve and Day with him. He Tian had brightened and smoothly accepted the invitation. Mo’s mom was delighted that the top student in his class had nowhere better to be on Christmas Eve than her house. Thankfully she hadn’t pressed the matter of why He Tian wasn’t with his own family and had simply welcomed him with open arms when he’d showed up on her doorstep, overnight bag slung on his shoulder. Later that night there was a gift under the tree with He Tian’s name on it, making Mo take a moment to marvel at how blessed he was with the mom he had, she thought of everything.
He was still gazing at He Tian, lost in thought. It took him a moment to realize the other is up and returning his gaze. Mo jumped, almost ended up on the futon below, opened his mouth with the obvious question on his lips. His mother’s voice at the door cuts him off, two sets of eyes darting toward it in anticipation, but it remained closed.
Mo exhaled, glanced back at He Tian, unspoken request hanging between them before he drew back the covers and shuffled to the door to answer.
When he closed the door and turned back to his bed He Tian was on the futon.
Mo cleared his throat awkwardly. “Breakfast is ready, we should go eat, mom gets pissed if I wait too long and the food gets cold.”
They got dressed backs turned, facing away from each other, like they were in the locker room at school. Mo would be lying if he said he didn’t linger on the glimpses he caught of He Tian in his dresser mirror. Eyes traced the neat sculpting of his strong back, broad shoulders funneling to a neat waist tucked in boxers.
He Tian caught his eye in the mirror, paused half turned arms lifted, shirt around his neck.
Mo spun, excuses flying. “You’re not supposed to be looking!”
“Says who? And it’s not fair if only you get a show.” He rolled his hips seductively.
It took Mo a few tries to get his own shirt on.
He Tian laughed from the bed where he sat now fully dressed, watching unashamed. “I had no idea you blush with your whole body, it’s cute.” He dodged the book tossed in his direction, laughter increasing.
At breakfast Mo was mostly silent, pushing food around on the plate. Would his mom like the gift he’d picked? He Tian had insisted she would but he couldn’t help the clench of his stomach when she cleared their plates and ushered them into the living room.
“You first,” she said handing He Tian a slim box.
He Tian’s mouth dropped open a bit. “But I didn’t get you anything…”
Mo’s mom waved a hand in dismissal. “Open it, open it!”
He Tian hesitated a second, then he was tearing off the paper to reveal a white department store box. His hands shook slightly as he lifted the lid, parting the tissue paper. The sweater was a deep grey, soft texture, it matched He Tian’s eyes perfectly. He held it up to himself than pulled it on, turned to face them, and.. damn. An excited squeal left his mom’s lips.
“I knew it’d look great on you! Doesn’t he look nice honey?”
“Yeah,” Mo mumbled, eyes trained on He Tian’s shoes.
“Thank you!” He Tian said embracing her, cheeks tinged pink.
“Okay!” She clasped her hands moved to retrieve a few boxes and dumped them in Mo’s lap, “Your turn.”
When he’s unwrapped the last gift and set it aside finally, it’s her turn and Mo moved to pull out his gift out from behind the couch where he’d hidden it, knowing his moms tendency to peak.
“Sneaky,” she smiled as he handed her the wide, flat gift.
“To Mom, love Guan Shan,” she read eyes twinkling.
“Mom…”
“I’m going, I’m going.”
She gently eased open the wrapping paper, each piece folded carefully and placed to the side. Underneath was a large frame that she flips over to reveal a black background lit up with bright white dots, lines connecting some into different shapes of all sizes, all laid within a neat circle. At the top was written “Your Special Day”.
“I- what is this?” She looked up, confused smile on her face.
Mo gripped his elbow. “I-It’s a star map. You can get a snapshot of what the night sky looked like on any day you want. I-I picked the day you and dad got married. You always told me he was your soulmate and I wanted to get you something special… meaningful this year.”
It was quiet for a bit and when she looked up her eyes were wet.
Shit. Crap he’d messed up.
“If you don’t like it, I think I can return it,” he said hurriedly. “I didn’t mean to make you upset!”
“Honey,” she wiped at her eyes. “This is wonderful, thank you.”
“But you’re crying…”
“Not all tears are bad Guan Shan,” she laughed. “This is just unexpected …but so perfect.” She pulled him down next to her on the couch to hug him tight.
“I know we don’t talk about your father a lot and… I’m sorry.” She wiped at her eyes. “Given the situation it’s hard sometimes for me because of the memories it brings up, mostly good but sometimes bad.” She cleared her throat, “but I know you miss him as much as I do. I know he hasn’t been present but that’s not his choice and he loves both of us so much. Until the time when we can have him fully in our lives again I… I don’t want us to forget that fact.
She stroked a hand down the frame, smiled at him.
“I think this will help.”
Later that night Mo walked He Tian home for a change. It was peaceful, the streets quiet with everyone indoors with their family.
They lingered at his apartment door, neither really wanting to leave but unsure of how to ask the other to stay.
“Thanks,” He Tian said “for everything.”
“It was nothing,” Mo mumbled. “If anything I should be thanking you, my mom loved the gift.
“I told you, it’s the meaning behind the gift that matters most.”
“Yea,” Mo said, though he could feel another blush coming on. “Well, I’ll see you,” he waved, moving to leave, but He Tian caught his arm pulling him into a hug.
His body stiffened at first in surprise, then he relaxed, lifting an arm awkwardly to pat He Tian’s back. They stayed like that for a while, his nose buried in the other’s chest. He Tian smelled good, a mix of cologne (one that was a little woodsy, like cedar), and something else he couldn’t place but thought it must be He Tian himself -a scent that clung to his sheets at home.
A hand cupped his chin tipping his head up, scattering his thoughts. He could see lips inching closer to his. This time he let his eyes flutter shut, mouth parting voluntarily, but the lips fall on his cheek, just shy of the corner of his mouth.
He Tian was watching him, eyes dancing when they part, a final farewell before he stepped back into his apartment and Mo’s feet worked enough to get him to the elevator.
Inside he pressed the button for lobby, his hand drifting up, fingertips absently running along where He Tian’s lips had been a moment ago.
There was a commotion in the corridor as the doors were closing and suddenly He Tian was there prying them open, shoving a bag into Mo’s hand without comment, doors sliding shut before Mo can question him. He was so shocked it didn’t occur to him try and hold the elevator until it had begun it’s decent.
The bag he recognized as the same one from that day at the mall when he’d fallen.
The same one he’d thought had been for an admirer of He Tian’s.
In the lobby he sat on one the benches, curiosity driving him. He upturned the bag, catching a slim flat box about the size of the palm of his hand. Lifting the lid he held his breath, unsure what he would find as He Tian was unpredictable.
Nestled inside was a brown velvet drawstring bag. Opening it, he shook an orange bracelet onto his palm. It’s weighty. He fiddled with it trying to unfasten it’s clasps. It opened like a vice once undone and could be locked back into place. It was… extremely nice, it’s design simple, he had to admit He Tian had good taste.
He thought back to the last time he’d been given a gift, how it’d been forced onto him. Resentment had been his first feeling receiving that gift, though he still had the earrings tucked away in a drawer, he couldn’t just throw them away and his gut told him he’d want them later on. This time He Tian had looked nervous, so unlike the untempered confidence he’d had back in middle school.
Replacing the items he found a note wedged into the box’s corner. He pulled it out, slowly unfolding it.
I haven’t seen your bracelet in a while, I thought you’d lost it.
‘A while?’ Mo scoffed, more like years. How did He Tian even remember that? Did he pay that close attention?
He replaced the note, pocketed it as he rose from the bench, and headed home. He’d text He Tian later, tell him thanks.
As he walked he thought back over the past few weeks and recent developments.
The new year looked promising.