Chapter Text
May 8th, 2024
Kurt’s brain doesn’t seem to kick into gear until the reception hall door is clicking shut behind Blaine. He scrambles off his bar stool and runs after him, feeling like the absolute stupid person in the world.
Six months? Six months? The fuck he’s had feelings for Blaine for six months. As memory after memory continues to hit him, he wonders how he could have spent so much time not realizing that he’s been in love with Blaine for years.
He’s so thankful that he didn’t follow his earlier desire to get completely wasted. Chasing after Blaine in his formal shoes is already uncomfortable enough.
He pushes through the reception hall door, and instantly calls out, “Blaine!”
It’s a little chilly for May, and Kurt shivers as he stares at the large parking lot the reception hall leads onto. Why couldn’t Blaine have exited through the back, with the gorgeous balcony and beautiful view? This would be so much more romantic back there.
“Blaine!” he shouts again. There’s no way he could have gone far, he literally just left.
He can’t believe he spent even a minute thinking that he was just settling for Blaine. That his feelings were anything but true. Of course he loves Blaine. He feels like he’s just been hit over the head with it. God, how did he not see it before?
“Blaine!” he calls out a third time, and is finally granted a response in the form of a groan.
He turns toward the sound, seeing Blaine step out from just around the corner of the building. His shoulders are slumped, and he looks more annoyed than anything at the fact that Kurt has followed him.
“Look, Kurt, I think I know what you’re going to say, and I thought I would be okay to have this conversation with you again, but honestly I’m not sure that I can.”
Kurt starts to head toward him, shaking his head. “No, you really don’t know what I’m going to say.”
“Yeah, I do. We’ve had this conversation about a hundred times. I know, you think of me as a close friend, you can’t imagine life without me, you’re not uncomfortable but you don’t love me back, you never will, I get it, Kurt.”
The anger in Blaine’s words make Kurt stop in his tracks. He stares at him for a moment, takes in the frustration in Blaine’s eyes, and the way that his hands are clenched tightly at his sides. His breath comes heavily as he watches Blaine, licking his dry lips, trying to think of what to say.
Blaine snorts when Kurt doesn’t immediately respond. “Seriously, Kurt, it’s fine. We won’t be having this conversation again, I promise. I’m really done this time.”
“No,” Kurt manages.
Blaine’s entire face falls as he stares at Kurt. “No?”
Kurt shakes his head. “No.”
“No, what? No, you don’t think it’ll be the last time? Because I know you have reason to believe that, but I really mean it this time.”
“No, I don’t want you to be done.”
Blaine’s lips part slightly in surprise, and Kurt takes a step toward him, wanting nothing more than to kiss them. He presses them back together tightly, though, instead of speaking. His eyes remain steadfast on Kurt’s, and Kurt’s heart aches at the mix of defeat and anger he sees written in them.
Kurt takes another step forward, almost reaching Blaine.
Blaine crosses his arms over his chest, and finally speaks. “Is that it? That’s all you have to say? You don’t want me to be done, and then you just stop?” He shakes his head. “What the hell does that even mean, Kurt?”
“I—” Kurt takes two final steps toward Blaine, close enough to reach out and touch him. He hesitates, though, not entirely sure if his touch would be welcome right now. He swallows thickly, then looks directly into Blaine’s eyes and says, “I do remember my promise from ten years ago.” He wraps his arms around himself as a wind gust blows past them. “I mean, how could I forget?”
“I don’t even know why I brought that up,” Blaine mumbles. “I’ve always known you were just placating me back then. Telling the stupid teenager what he wanted to hear.” His arms tighten around himself, and he shivers gently. “You know I told myself I would wait for you?” He scoffs, shaking his head, and Kurt’s heart aches. “God, so stupid.”
“I’m so sorry, Blaine,” Kurt says. “I… in hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have told you that. Not then. It wasn’t really fair, especially since you’re right. I was just placating you.”
“Okay, seriously, Kurt? This sucks.” Blaine practically spits the words out. “If you just came out here to beat me over the head with how stupid I’ve been to even consider that you might like me back—”
“No, I swear—”
“Because I refuse to feel stupid for it anymore, okay? I know you just see me as Cooper’s younger brother, that I’ll always be a kid to you, but you don’t treat me that way. I see you staring at me, and we’re always spending time together. You always tell me how amazing I am, how I’m the best person in your life. Don’t you see how that fucks with my head?” Blaine is practically shouting by the time he’s done, arms raising dramatically over his head. He’s shaking, though Kurt can’t tell if it’s due to anger or the chill.
“I don’t think you’re stupid, Blaine,” Kurt says, trying to remain calm. “I… think that I’m the stupid one, actually.”
Blaine stares at him for a moment, then raises an eyebrow. “Are you waiting for me to disagree? Because I won’t.”
“I’m not,” Kurt promises. “I’m sorry, I just… this is hard. I only just realized that I’m in love with you, and now I’m here, and I feel like this is getting so out of control, and I’m not saying any of the right things, and—”
“Kurt,” Blaine says, and Kurt stops, surprised at the tight tone of Blaine’s voice. “What did you just say?”
“I said it’s getting so out of control,” Kurt says, shuffling on his feet. “I didn’t really imagine this conversation going this way.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. The other part. The being in love with me part?”
“Oh,” Kurt feels his cheeks heating. He forces himself to stand still, arms wrapped tightly around himself. “Well, yes. That. Right.”
“You’re in love with me?” Kurt isn’t sure if Blaine sounds more disbelieving or frustrated. Kurt sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, watching Blaine carefully.
“Yes? Yes. Yes, I am.”
Blaine stares at him, face completely emotionless for a second, before his entire body stiffens and he shouts, “Are you fucking kidding me?!”
Kurt’s eyes widen in shock at the outburst, watching as Blaine spreads his arms wide in question, eyes burning with an emotion Kurt deeply hopes isn’t anger.
“Like, seriously, Kurt? You’re in love with me? You’re just going to drop that bomb on me at my goddamn brother’s wedding, after making me think that you were coming out here to reject me again?”
Kurt winces, taking a careful step back. “Uh, wow. I didn’t… Jeez, I’m really screwing this up,” he says the last part under his breath, but Blaine laughs sardonically, clearly having heard him.
“You think, Kurt? You think you’re screwing this up? What the hell is even happening right now?!”
“I’m sorry, Blaine, I’m still… my brain is sort of playing catch-up, this is all happening really fast.”
“Fast? This is not fast, Kurt. Twelve years is not fast.”
“Right, sorry, wrong choice of words, I just—” he puts his hands up, not really sure how to deal with such an angry Blaine. Aside from that one New Year’s, he and Blaine have never really fought, at least not like this, and so he doesn’t have much experience dealing with an angry Blaine. “Look, can we maybe sit down? Inside? And talk?”
“We can talk here and now,” Blaine grits out.
“Yeah, okay, we can do that, too,” Kurt says. “So, yeah, um, I love you.” Kurt scratches at his arm, shuffling uncomfortably on his feet. “I didn’t really picture telling you like this, or you reacting this way, but I didn’t really picture it at all since I just realized about five minutes ago, so—"
“Oh, my god,” Blaine interrupts, bringing a hand up to his hair. “You know what, I changed my mind, we shouldn’t talk about this. I think this is just a little too much for me.”
“No, Blaine, please,” Kurt rushes forward before he can stop himself, grabbing Blaine’s hands tightly. They’re cold, though Kurt is sure that his own are colder. “Please, don’t go.”
Blaine stops, moving, staring down at their connected hands. “Kurt, this is crazy. You realize this is crazy, right?”
“Of course I realize this is crazy,” Kurt says, squeezing Blaine’s hands tight. “How do you think I’ve been feeling for the past six months?”
Blaine’s head whips up. “Six months? You just said you just realized you loved me five minutes ago!”
“Right, yeah, but I realized I had feelings for you six months ago. You know, when you told me you were over me.”
Blaine stares at him, eyes wide in disbelief. “Are you fucking serious?” Kurt winces at Blaine’s volume, but Blaine continues with, “You didn’t realize you had feelings for me until I told you I was over you? Until I made myself unavailable? Kurt, do you realize how fucked up that sounds?”
“I know, I know, and that’s why I haven’t said anything!” Kurt says. “Because I couldn’t bear the thought of telling you I liked you if it wasn’t for real. I can’t… I still can’t bear the thought of hurting you again. Which is so stupid, since I’m clearly hurting you now.”
Blaine shakes his head. “This is unbelievable. Of all the ways I pictured this happening…”
“I’m sorry,” Kurt groans, hanging his head in shame. “I’m fucking this all up, I know. I should have waited, got you flowers, taken you out to dinner, or something, I don’t know… I was watching you walk away, and I suddenly remembered all these moments in my life, all these moments where you were there for me, all these huge moments where all I wanted was to be next to you, to make you feel better, to never cause you pain. And as I thought about all that, I realized that Mercedes was right. I did have my head up my ass.”
“Kurt, this is the worst declaration of love in the world.”
“Fuck, I know,” Kurt brings his hands up to his forehead, taking Blaine’s with him. “And I totally understand if you want to tell me to screw off after all of this. I do, I get it. But Blaine, the fear I had? That I didn’t like you for real? It was so stupid. Like, really, so goddamn stupid.”
Blaine’s fingers squirm in his hands, and Kurt gently lets go. Blaine instantly re-takes his hands, though, this time holding them in a more comfortable position. Kurt stares at Blaine in surprise, and Blaine just rolls his eyes and says, “Well, don’t stop now!”
“Right, sorry.” He clears his throat. “God, I really should have thought this through better.”
“Kurt.” His voice is slightly softer than before, and it gives Kurt a little hope that maybe he hasn’t completely fucked this up.
“Yes, yes. Look, Blaine, I was so worried that I was just projecting my loneliness onto you. I didn’t want that. I’ve hurt you so much over the years, that I couldn’t bear to actually give us a chance, only to realize that the feelings weren’t really there. So, I kept my mouth shut, and have spent the last six months practically burying my head in the sand. I didn’t want to think about it, because I was so scared that if I really thought about it I would realize it wasn’t real. But in hindsight… Jesus Christ, that was stupid. I was so concerned with hurting you again if I didn’t really have feelings for you, that I totally ignored the fact that purposefully ignoring my feelings for you would hurt you just as much.”
He looks down at their connected hands, then back up to Blaine. “I’m sorry, I’m royally screwing this up. You deserve so much better than this. You deserve so much better than me. You deserve someone who doesn’t push feelings away because they might lead to pain. You deserve someone who actually realizes they love you when they fall for you, not years after the fact.”
“Years?” Blaine asks, breathless.
“Yeah, Blaine. Years. I can’t… don’t ask me to pinpoint a specific moment, but when I think about it, it’s so damn obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t realize before.”
“Well, you did have your head pretty far up your ass.”
Kurt drops his head again, unable to help himself from laughing self-deprecatingly. “It was so far up there I’m surprised I don’t have colon problems.”
“Ew, Kurt,” Blaine’s face scrunches up. “Don’t talk about your colon. You’re confessing your love to me, come on.”
Kurt smiles sadly at him. “I’m sorry. I can’t even do this right. I don’t… I totally understand if you want to tell me to screw off.”
“Kurt, I’m not – god,” Blaine shakes his head, and for the first time since they’ve come outside, Kurt thinks he sees a hint of a smile on Blaine’s face. “I’ve loved you for almost twelve years. I’m not going to tell you to screw off now that you’re saying you love me back.” Blaine squeezes their hands tight, but then quickly adds, “Even if you said it in basically the worst, least romantic way possible.”
“Christ,” Kurt groans. “Why am I so damn bad at this?”
“Who knows,” Blaine says, and he’s definitely got a small, soft smile on his face now.
Kurt licks his lips, then says, “I know you said you don’t want to tell me to screw off, but I also understand if you need time to process all of this. I won’t be mad if you decide that I’ve made you wait too long, or that you really are over me.”
“Over you?” Blaine shakes his head. “Kurt, I think we both know by now that if I was going to get over you, I would have long ago.”
“But that phone call—”
“That phone call was made in a drunken stupor, after listening to my friends shit-talk you for over an hour. I was pissed, and feeling self-righteous, and too drunk to stop myself from doing something stupid.” Blaine shrugs, as though it’s nothing. “You didn’t seriously think that I was over you after that phone call, right?”
“Um, yes,” Kurt says, raising a confused eyebrow. “You told me that you were the morning after.”
“Well, what was I supposed to say? Things always get so awkward when I mention my feelings for you. Exhibit A, this entire conversation.”
“I don’t feel awkward.”
Blaine frowns. “Really?”
Kurt shakes his head easily. “Do you?”
Blaine shrugs. “A little. I think mostly because I don’t really know what to think.”
Kurt chews on his bottom lip, then hesitantly asks, “Are you still mad at me?”
“Kind of,” Blaine admits. “Not as much as I was at the beginning of the conversation.”
“But you’re not going to tell me to screw off?”
Blaine snorts. “Kurt, are you kidding? I’ve been waiting for this day for twelve years. Even if I was literally spitting mad, I wouldn’t tell you to screw off.”
“I’m sorry I made you wait so long,” Kurt whispers. “I can’t even imagine… god, how do you not hate me?”
“Kurt, I can’t think of a single thing that you could do that would make me genuinely hate you.”
Kurt just raises a skeptical eyebrow. “What if I murdered Cooper?”
“Oh, my god, Kurt, seriously, you are absolutely terrible at this. How have you gotten anybody to go out with you, ever?” Blaine laughs as he says it, though, and Kurt can’t help but smile.
“Well, usually I’m not the one doing the asking out, or confessions of love.”
Blaine’s laughter dies down, and he swings their hands gently. “To be fair, I have confessed my love for you about twenty-five times already. It was your turn.”
“I really messed it up, huh?”
Blaine shrugs. “Well, yeah. But I’ll give you another chance.”
Kurt perks up at that. “You will?”
Blaine nods. He looks Kurt over, and then, voice quieter, asks, “You’re definitely sure, though? That you love me?”
“One hundred percent.”
“Because this won’t be a fling to me. And it’s going to be intense, like, from day one.”
“I know, Blaine.”
“Once we do this, there’s no turning back. If you do change your mind and realize you don’t love me, I’m going to be so angry, Kurt.”
“I know,” Kurt assures again, stepping closer into Blaine’s space. “I know.”
“Because I love you, Kurt. I want to be with you, for real, and forever. I know that’s a lot, and if you were anybody else I would never say this, but… but this is the real deal for me. I’m not stepping into a ‘let’s see where this goes’ kind of situation. I already know where I want this to go, and if you don’t feel the same—”
“I do,” Kurt says. “I know this hasn’t been as dramatic as Cooper proposing to Rachel without even dating, but I promise that this isn’t just a fling for me. I was never really a fan of those, anyway.”
“You’ve had so many, though,” Blaine says, as though he can’t stop himself.
“Not that many,” Kurt defends, feeling his cheeks redden.
“It’s felt like an eternal amount.”
“Well, regardless, I’m done with that now,” Kurt says, not wanting to get sucked in to some tangent. Not when they’re finally getting somewhere. “I want to be with you, Blaine.” Blaine’s bottom lip trembles, and Kurt instantly says, “I’m sorry, oh my god, please don’t cry,” as a few stray tears leak out of his eyes.
“These aren’t sad tears,” Blaine says, voice slightly choked up. “I promise, these are happy tears. Kurt, I genuinely thought this day was never going to come.” He lets go of one of Kurt’s hands, bringing his own hand up to wipe away a tear. “I knew that if I said anything today, it would be the last time. I really was done. I don’t know if I’d ever have truly gotten over you, but I was going to give up the tiny sliver of hope I always held on to. This was it. I just needed to hear you say you couldn’t love me one last time, as stupid as that sounds.” He shakes his head. “And then you followed me out here, and I thought, well, you’re getting what you wanted Anderson, but it hurt so much more than I thought. That’s why I was so defensive, and I—I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore, I just can’t believe that this is happening.” He sniffs. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to hear you say those words.”
“I love you?” Kurt asks hesitantly.
Blaine shakes his head. “I’ve heard you say that a thousand times,” he says. “No, ‘I want to be with you’.”
“Oh,” Kurt says, stomach dropping to his feet. “Blaine…”
“No, not now. No more sorry’s, okay? Today has been crazy enough.”
“It really has,” Kurt says. Then, he straightens himself up a little, and says, “So, do I get some time to prepare for my second confession of love, or do you want me to do it right now? Because, fair warning, my mind is working pretty fast, and I can’t promise that there won’t be more colon talk.”
Blaine smiles up at him through his tears, then says, “You can have some time.”
“How about until tomorrow evening?” Kurt asks. “You’re not busy, right?”
Blaine shakes his head. “Only thing on my calendar is watering Cooper and Rachel’s plants.”
“Good. Then come over, and I’ll give you a confession of love so amazing, you won’t even be able to believe it.”
“I already can’t.”
Kurt raises an eyebrow, smiling as he asks, “Really? Because I haven’t given you much today to imply that I am any good at this.”
“You forget that I’ve known you for longer than just today,” Blaine says, grinning up at Kurt.
“So true,” Kurt hums. He looks down at Blaine, considering him for a moment, then asks, “So, you’re not mad at me anymore?”
Blaine shrugs. “Still a little bit, but the happiness is winning out.”
“So, if I ask if I can kiss you…”
Blaine grins and, before Kurt can have the decency to actually ask, he leans up and presses their lips together.
This kiss is unlike any they’ve shared in the past. Butterflies erupt in Kurt’s stomach as their lips meet, and this time he moves deeper into the kiss instead of pulling away. Blaine’s lips are just as soft as he knew they would be, and he takes his free hand and brings it up to Blaine’s jaw, tipping it up so he can kiss him better.
They part softly, Blaine staring up at Kurt like he placed the moon in the sky. Kurt wonders if Blaine can see in his own eyes how much he adores Blaine. If Blaine thinks Kurt put the moon in the sky, then Kurt is sure that Blaine must have placed the sun.
“Wow,” Blaine whispers. “That was…”
“Good?”
“So worth the wait,” Blaine replies, then tilts his head back up and connects their lips in another absolutely perfect kiss.
The End