Chapter Text
Sam wasn’t quite sure what to say to Cas. He was extremely grateful they had been saved, he didn’t want his brother nor mother to die, and he certainly didn’t want to leave Cas behind. The angel didn’t even know how Sam felt about him; at least, not to his knowledge.
Being alone in his bedroom was awful. Complete silence, alone with his thoughts – it was exactly like being back in the black site cell. Unfortunately, nobody was speaking to each other at all. His mom wanted to be left alone, and Dean had left without a word, presumably to get a drink and bang the nearest bar chick he could find.
Cas, on the other hand, was someone Sam wanted to talk to. But that just led back to his original problem: he didn’t know what to say. Should he ask why he did it? No, the answer was obvious. Should he tell Cas off? No, Dean would be doing enough of that soon, and Sam had no intention of being mad with the angel. He was only doing what he felt was right, after all.
He could always do the thing he’s been wanting to for years now and confess his feelings, after all it had been a long time coming. Sam scoffed to himself. ‘Yeah right. Make myself feel worse with rejection, great.’
When Sam’s stomach rumbled, he resigned himself to finally getting a proper meal in his stomach. Almost 2 months of prison food, it’s a wonder he only felt the pains of hunger just now.
Groaning, Sam pushed himself up off the bed with a groan. His muscles ached; hiding from trained government operatives and then assassinating them was just as taxing on the body as a monster hunt, especially when running low on fuel.
His bare feet touched the cold floor and he suppressed a slight hiss. The floor was colder than expected. Fortunately for Sam, the soles of his feet had quickly grown accustomed to the temperature of the floor by the time he reached the kitchen. Turning into the doorway, he faltered.
There Cas was, sitting at the table, head in his hands.
‘So much for hiding.’
“Hey Cas.” Sam greeted the angel as he walked to the fridge, grabbing ingredients for a simple PB&J sandwich – baby steps.
Cas never budged. It was if Sam never spoke, and frankly, that stung a fair bit. After all, it hadn’t been Sam who rudely pushed into him after getting out of the car, that had been Dean. It wasn’t Sam who had growled ‘Not a word’ before storming off, that had also been Dean. In fact, Sam never got a chance to say anything to Cas, because everyone had walked off before Sam even got out of the car.
Sitting down with his sandwich at the table, across from Cas, Sam had to hold himself back from sighing. Why was it so hard for Cas to speak to him? Sam couldn’t think of anything he had done. Sure, he hadn’t said thanks, but he didn’t necessarily think it was needed. “Just in case…’
“Cas, I just-… What you did for us back there, I just wanted to thank you.” Sam coughed, speaking with his mouth full causing him to choke slightly. While he was clearing his throat, the figure across from him looked up.
‘Finally, a reaction.’
“You don’t need to thank me, Sam. I did what was necessary. I couldn’t let you die again. Any of you, I mean.”
Sam frowned. “I know, Cas. But you really took something heavy on you, man. ‘Cosmic consequences’? You basically sacrificed yourself for me. I- I mean ‘us’.”
Cas looked deeply into Sam, and Sam could only shift awkwardly at such an intense gaze.
“I care for you, Sam. ‘Sacrificing’ myself for you was never out of the question. I will always put you above myself, and my family.” Cas’ stare was still unwavering, but Sam was no loner able to hold it, his heart clenching tightly.
"What do you mean?”
It was Cas’ turn to frown, confused. “I mean I’ll always continue to save you to the best of my abilities-“
“No, I mean… You said you care for me. In what sense?”
The angel was silent, seeming to search for the right words. Sam hoped those words were good words. In fact, his chest was tight in apprehension as he waited, hoping for good news. Hoping he could stop hiding.
After what seemed like years spent in agony, Cas began to answer. “You Winchesters mean a great deal to me. I wouldn’t have constantly stuck by you while you made a mess of things repeatedly. It should be obvious by now that I care for you and your brother quite a lot.”
Sam let go of the breath he didn’t even know he was holding, and pushed his plate forward, containing what was once a small leftover amount of sandwich that was now cardboard. “Of course, you do, I’m not sure what I was thinking.” Standing up, Sam barely spared a glance at Cas, unable to bear the pain it caused. “I’m feeling pretty tired. Thanks for the chat.”
He had only just reached the kitchen doorway when Cas’ voice rang out again, filling the thick silence. “And I’ve been trying to ignore it for a while, but I care for you in a separate sense, Samuel.”
The younger Winchester turned, wondering what the Angel could be on about.
“Dean is my friend. Ever since I pulled him from hell and placed him back on earth for the first of many times, I have felt a connection to him. But you? I could never think of you as just a ‘friend’, Sam. The connection I feel between us is something far stronger.”
In what felt like forever but could only have been a few seconds, Cas was eventually standing in front of Sam, half a foot shorter than him. He never said anything, waiting for the taller one to speak first, waiting to hear Sam’s thoughts.
Deciding words were useless in this situation, Sam did the only other thing he felt he could manage at this point. Before he could regret his actions, his hands were clenching Cas’ lapels, and his lips were on the Angel’s.
When the kiss was eventually over, they parted, leaving Sam’s lips cold and empty. “I care for you too, Cas.”
They shared a smile, and Sam had no regrets.