Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It had been awhile since Richie Tozier had laughed. He had tried to lighten up the mood in the Losers’ house, he really had. He tried to crack jokes, to talk his way around it, to be himself but times had changed. There were no laughs echoing the house anymore. Because there was no such thing as being happy during war. All there was were tears, fear and silence. So much silence. It almost drove Richie insane but he knew he couldn’t do anything about it.

And the fear.

It ate Richie from the inside out. Because the person Richie treasured with his life was a muggle-born. Eddie was a muggle-born and Richie feared with his whole being for his safety.

So yes. It had been awhile since Richie Tozier had laughed.

”DEATH EATER ATTACKS ON MUGGLES”

Richie stared at the headline in the newspaper he held in his hand. He felt sick. Following what happened in the war was necessary but Richie hated it. He hated to see how innocent people got hurt and even killed, and the only reason for it was their blood status. It didn’t make sense. The anger spread through him like wildfire. His grip to the paper was so hard his knuckles whitened and he had to bite his tongue to not scream out loud.

Then Richie heard steps going down the stairs and the anger washed off him and a strange mix of love, worry and happiness filled him instead. He closed his eyes and listened to the familiar steps making their way to the kitchen, but instead of going all the way in they stopped by the doorway. Richie let him stand there for a moment before he decided to break the silence.

”That Potter kid better hurry up with whatever he’s doing to kill You-Know-Who.”

Richie put the newspaper down and raised his head to look at the boy that had entered the kitchen. Eddie. The sight of him caused Richie’s heart to speed. It always did. ”Good morning babe.”

Eddie had looked sad for weeks, they all had. But the look on his face now was something different. Almost instinctually Richie opened his arms and within one second Eddie was in his lap and Richie wrapped his arms around him. ”Sleep well?”

There was no verbal answer. Eddie buried his face in the crook of Richie’s neck and that was the only answer he needed. He knew Eddie hadn’t slept well. None of them did anymore. But they didn’t really talk about it. There wasn’t anything to say. All they needed was each other.

”Where are the others?” Eddie asked, muffled by having his face pressed to Richie’s neck.

”Bev and Ben left for work and Mike-” Richie sighed and pressed his lips to Eddie’s head. ”I don’t know, he hasn’t been home much since…” He couldn’t bare himself to finish the sentence. Because they didn’t talk about it. It was like an unspoken rule. Don’t talk about it.

”I got the letter the other day.”

Eddie had said it out of nowhere. And he had said it so easily. Richie on the other hand felt like his whole world shattered at those words. He inhaled sharply and his whole body stiffened. No. No, no, no. He didn’t want to believe it, he didn’t want it to happen yet. He couldn’t lose him already.

He loosened his grip around Eddie and pulled him away slightly to meet his eyes. Richie guessed his feelings was reflected in his face because when Eddie saw him his eyes looked even sadder. ”Ben is working on faking your family tree,” Richie spoke, his voice only a whisper.

Richie knew what Eddie would say before he said it.

”It won’t work-”

”It will work, it has to work. I can’t lose you.” His voice sounded a lot more desperate than he had meant to. He wanted to be brave for Eddie, he wanted to be calm and have it figured out, but he couldn’t. He was so scared. He was terrified to lose him. Richie was only half aware of his hands that traveled all over Eddie as if it was the last time he’d touch him.

”Richie we can’t rely on that,” Eddie whispered, never breaking eye contact. ”What if I can't act good enough, they'll know I'm lying. Then I will en up in Azkaban either way.”

The thought of Eddie, his Eddie, in Azkaban… Richie couldn’t even picture it. ”Don’t say that. You won’t go to Azkaban.”

Eddie was quiet for a moment and after all these years Richie knew exactly what his face expression meant. He was angry.

”But I will!” Richie jumped at the sudden change of his voice. Yes, Eddie was angry. ”I have to go to the trial or the Snatchers will come and get me and I won’t let history repeat itself! I won’t fight them.” Eddie was almost screaming by now, and Richie let him. He thought it would calm him down later if he got the anger out now. But he had no idea what would come out of Eddie’s mouth next. If he had, he would probably stop him.

”I won’t end up like Stan!”

Richie’s breath hitched when he heard his name. Stan. The hole inside of him that he so desperately had tried to keep from growing by not talking about it just grew a whole lot bigger.

”Don’t,” Richie said in a low, admonitory voice. ”Don’t bring him up-”

Eddie rose up from Richie’s lap. ”Why not? We can’t keep pushing it away, it’s real! Stan is dead! Stan died because he was a muggle-born and he fought the Snatchers, because he refused to go to the trial, and Bill is in Azkaban for trying to defend him, for being a blood traitor and..”

Richie just watched Eddie as he spoke, his heart aching even more for each word leaving his mouth. He wanted to interrupt him, to make him stop talking about their two best friends that weren’t with them anymore, because it hurt too much hearing it, but he felt frozen.

”I don’t want to end up dead too.”

Richie stood up when Eddie finished and he just stared at him. ”Then what will you do?” Richie asked. He felt empty and his voice had imitated that perfectly. When Eddie just stared interrogatively back at him, Richie continued, ”if you won’t go to the trial with the faked family tree and you won’t fight the Snatchers and I sure as hell won’t let you go to Azkaban, then what will you do?” Richie didn’t know where this nonchalance came from, but he wouldn’t have this conversation. He wouldn’t listen to Eddie talk about death and Azkaban because he wouldn’t let him near those things.

Eddie took a deep breath. ”I will run away.”

”Then I’ll come with you.” The answer came out from Richie’s mouth so fast he didn’t get to think about it first. Not that there was anything to think about, he would follow Eddie everywhere.

”No you can’t! Don’t you understand?” Eddie was screaming again. ”You can’t be with me, you’re in just as much danger as I am when you’re with me! You know blood traitors are kept under constant surveillance, and Bill is a living example on how it goes for pure bloods being with muggle-borns!”

That was enough. Richie wouldn’t have it anymore.

”You’re not leaving,” Richie said, shaking his head. ”Nope.” And with that he turned around. He made it to the counter and made himself a cup of tea. He was barely aware of what he was doing, he didn’t even want to drink tea, but he had to do something with his hands before he would throw something at the wall.

”I am leaving.”

If it hadn’t been dead silent in the house he wouldn’t have heard Eddie’s low whisper. But it was, so Richie had heard him. He clenched to the cup in his hands and he chewed so hard on his lower lip he almost felt the taste of blood.

”No,” Richie growled. ”You’re not fucking leaving and that’s the end of it.” He turned around to face Eddie and the sight of him made his tense shoulders to relax just a little bit. He tried to calm down, he tried to remember that Eddie was just as scared as he was, all he wanted was to be safe. But Richie could help him. ”We will figure this out,” Richie said after a moment, his voice much warmer than before.

”Richie, I’m sorry.”

Richie’s eyes widened as he watched Eddie reach for his wand in his back pocket. ”What are you doing?”

Before he could take in the scene happening right in front of him Eddie had taken out his wand and was now pointing it at at Richie.

”I have to make sure you’re safe.” Eddie had tears in his eyes and Richie couldn’t do anything than just stare at him. What the hell was he doing?

”Eddie stop it, whatever you’re planning, stop it.” Richie didn’t know what to say because he didn’t know what would happen. He just had to say something to make him put his wand down. ”I love you, Eds stop!” He sounded absolutely desperate.

Then it hit him. It hit him so hard he thought he would actually fall over. Eddie would obliviate him. He had heard about wizards and witches who had done it to their muggle parents to keep them safe, but the thought had never even crossed Richie’s mind that Eddie would do that to him. Richie was not a muggle. He could take care of himself, he could help Eddie!

”Are you going to obliviate me?” Richie finally spoke, his voice only a whisper.

Eddie’s tears that silently rolled down his cheeks was the only answer Richie needed. Panic started to spread through him. Eddie would actually put a fucking memory charm on him, he would make Richie forget him.

No.

Richie reached for his wand that laid on the counter.

”Richie no-”

”I fucking swear, Eddie, I won’t hesitate to stupefy you if that’s what it takes.” And he meant every word. He didn’t even care how harsh he was to Eddie, he didn’t care that he had threatened him, that the stunning spell probably even would hurt him in the fall.

He couldn’t lose him this way. He couldn’t stand the thought of Eddie disappearing.

”Please understand that I do this for you.” Eddie was crying now, his words came out as broken sobs.

Richie was full on panicking now. He tried to make his hands stop shaking because he wouldn’t be able to cast a perfect spell if they shook that much. At the same time he tried to slow down his mind. His thoughts were everywhere and he had to focus to not mess it up. He was in his third year of Auror Training for fuck's sake, a Stupefy spell was easy But he couldn’t. His whole body was shaking and he couldn’t even focus his eyes on Eddie.

”I need you to be safe. You and the others.”

When those words reached Richie’s ears he made up his mind. He raised his wand and tried to steady it, tried to focus.

”Stup-”

”Expelliarmus!”

The wand got ripped out of Richie’s grip and it flew over the room and then Eddie caught it. Richie lowered his head and stared at his empty hand.

”No!”

It was over now. He had known it the second he had tried to cast the spell, because he was too devastated to cast a good one. He knew he had been too slow, too unfocused. He had basically invited Eddie to disarm him. He hadn’t been strong enough.

The tears that had filled Richie’s eyes spilled over and a loud, broken sob escape Richie’s mouth. He didn’t even try to hold it in. ”Please, please, please,” Richie pleaded. He ran his fingers through his hair, scarping his scalp in agony.

”If the war ends.” Richie heard Eddie remotely. ”Even if it’s in years from now, I’ll come find you, and I will make you fall in love with me again,” Eddie continued, his voice only a whisper.

Richie just stood there and stared at Eddie, tears streaming silently down his cheeks. He tried to grasp what was going on. The first shock had laid down and he started to realize that in a few minutes, maybe seconds, he would forget Eddie. He would forget everything that had to do with him.

He wouldn’t be in love anymore.

Richie wouldn’t remember that there was a person out there that he had loved for the past ten years, that he would die for. Eddie would disappear from his memory. His world would shatter to pieces and there was nothing he could do about it other than beg Eddie not to do it.

”I love you Eddie, please don’t do this.”

The fucking ache. His chest hurt so much Richie actually thought he would pass out. He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t even move. A voice deep inside his head screamed at him to do something. He could run to Eddie and physically tear the wand out of his hand, or maybe even tackle him down, just do something to make him stop. To make him change his mind. But he couldn’t move.

”I love you too Richie. Endlessly.”

”Eddie-”

”Obliviate.”

The last thing Richie registered to his mind was Eddie’s face. Eddie’s face he loved so much but now would forget. His beautiful eyes Richie once had looked so deeply into before he had kissed Eddie for the first time. Eddie’s hair that he had let grow out so it curled adorably around his face. Eddie’s lips that tasted like nothing Richie ever had tasted before, and now would forget everything about. Richie took it all in like it was the last breath he would ever take.

And then the glow that had appeared from Eddie’s wand reached Richie.

And everything went black.

Day 1

Bill had returned eight days ago. Richie loved having him home again, he had never been happier. But it broke his heart to see the pain he was in and to see his eyes reflect how awful he’d had it. And it was really hard, because they didn’t know how to talk to him. He didn’t want to talk about details on how his life had been these last months and he never spoke until someone asked him something.

He spent the first two days in bed, trying to catch up some sleep. Someone was always by his side for the first five days. To always make sure he’d get the help he needed and most importantly, so he wouldn’t be alone.

Bill’s parents tried to get him in to St Mungos, but Bill refused. He didn’t say why, but they thought it was because he needed his friends. So they let him stay at the Losers’ house and visited a few hours per day for the first week. They all tried to get him to eat, but since his stomach was used to barely one meal a day he had a hard time keeping it down.

It had gotten better these last few days, though. He finally understood that he was home, he didn’t wake up from his restless sleep screaming, thinking he still was in Azkaban. He finally ate, and he talked. Not about what he’d been through, but he started to ask questions on how they had been doing while he had been away.

And he kept asking about someone named Eddie. He mentioned him the first day he came home, but he had been in such bad shape they all thought he just rambled and didn’t understand what we was talking about. When he asked about him again a few days later they had all shared a worried look and then they had, as gently as they could, explained that there never had been anyone living there called Eddie. Bill was so angry at them he actually shouted. Well, it wasn’t really a shout since his voice still was damaged after months of screaming. But as loud as his voice let him it to be, he shouted ”My best friend! Your best friend Eddie!”

They figured it must have been a childhood friend to Bill and the Cruciatus Curse had messed with his memories. Mike had rocked Bill to sleep that night and he never stopped saying Eddie’s name.

After that night he never mentioned Eddie again and they were all revealed that he had let it go, because it really had them worried.

”Do you want to eat lunch? Bev and I-”

”No,” Bill muttered through the closed door.

Richie looked at the door to Bill’s room and sighed, his hand still raised after he'd knocked on it a few seconds earlier. ”Okay,” Richie said. He didn’t know how much he should push him, but he figured he’d ask again when lunch was ready.

Richie walked down the stairs with heavy steps. Beverly stood leaned against the door frame to the kitchen. ”No?” she asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

”No, but don’t worry.” Richie shook his head and placed a light kiss on the spot between her eyebrows to remove the concerned wrinkle.

He gave her an encouraging smile before he walked pass her into the kitchen. Richie had loved this kitchen ever since they moved in. Not that he actually did much cooking in it, but he had always loved to sit in there and read the newspaper or to sit and watch Mike and Stan cook. It was so interesting to see the pureblood and the muggle-born mix their cooking experiences. Stan had almost never used magic when he cooked while Mike did.

Now he hated to be in this kitchen. He didn’t really know why, but something about it had his chest ache and stomach knot. There was just so much sadness somehow. Every time he entered he could feel the hole of incompleteness grow a little bit bigger. It was a hole he had felt growing over the past few months, not understanding what it was. He only spent the most necessary time in there, but nothing more than that.

”So what should we cook?”

”Oh please, don’t tell me you’re actually going to cook,” Beverly said and rolled her eyes. Richie could sense a smile on her lips. She hadn’t done much of that lately.

”Why not? I am an excellent cook, I’ve just never had the opportunity to show it,” Richie said even though he knew it was a lie. And Beverly knew it too, but it made her crack a smile and that was all Richie had wanted.

A knock on the front door echoed from the hallway. Richie turned around to go and open. ”Fine, we’ll have the leftovers Mike left us, but it’s only because the world’s not ready for my extraordinary cooking skills!” Richie said with a grin as he left the kitchen. He could hear Beverly roll her eyes behind him.

Richie opened the door and what met his eyes almost had the air in his lungs vanish. The boy standing in front of him was the most beautiful human being Richie had ever seen. He was short, a lot shorter than himself, and he was so small. His hair was neat but a few strands poked in different directions which revealed that he had either been running or just apparated. Apparated, Richie guessed, since he didn’t seem out of breath. Was he even breathing at all? His skin was smooth and flawless, almost as if it begged to be touched. Cute freckles were scattered across his face, and the boy had the most beautiful brown eyes. Only they couldn’t be describe as brown. The sun made them melt to golden rays and Richie had never seen so many shades of brown in his life.

As they looked at each other, somewhere deep inside Richie, the hole of incompleteness started to heal without him even noticing.

A strange feeling spread through Richie. Somehow, it felt like he recognized him. Had he seen him somewhere before? No, he was sure he wouldn’t forget that face. It would be impossible to do.

”Well hello there, how can I help you?” Richie couldn’t help it. He could feel a grin taking form on his lips as he leaned against the door frame, taking him in.

The look the other boy had on his face when Richie looked back up had his grin to grow even bigger. It was like Richie had surprised him with his words.

The boy cleared his throat. ”Um… I’m an old friend to Bill, is he here?”

Oh.

No one except Bill’s parents had come to visit. All of his friends lived with him, there weren’t really anyone else that he knew that well who would visit like this. Maybe this was someone from his work?

Richie saw how the stranger in front of him started to panic when he didn’t answer right away.

”Is he-”

”No, he’s fine! He’s fine,” Richie hurried to say. ”He’s just… Not great.”

”Oh.”

Richie thought about the broken boy upstairs. He didn’t know how he would react to visitors. ”Are you a close friend to him? Sorry, I just don’t want anybody-”

”I’m a close friend, believe me, it’s just been awhile,” he said, interrupting Richie. And somehow Richie did believe him. It was something about him that made him feel… safe? He didn’t understand why, but he was sure he could trust him.

Richie smiled mildly and stepped aside. ”Welcome in then,” he said and gestured him to come in.

”Who is it, Richie?” Beverly asked from the kitchen as Richie closed the front door. He walked to her when she stepped out from the other room.

”It’s Bill’s friend,” he answered and put an arm around the girl’s shoulders.

”I just want to check on him,” he answered and smiled softly. Something in Richie’s stomach flipped at the sight of the smile. He may have stared a little to intense, but Richie didn’t care.

”Oh, that’s really nice of you. Just please be careful with him, he’s been through a lot,” Beverly said.

”He’s upstairs, the first door on the left,” Richie said, trying to get him to look at him again. Which he did.  They locked eyes and and they stood like that for a moment, Richie couldn’t look away. He couldn’t let go of the feeling that he recognized him. It was the other boy who looked away, no, dragged his eyes away. He mumbled something Richie couldn’t hear and then turned around to walk the stairs.

Who was he?

”Hey, I didn’t catch your name,” Richie said, watching the boy stop and then turn around.

”Eddie.”

Everything and nothing seemed to go around Richie’s head all at once. How could it be so familiar? Did he know someone with the same name? It felt like he did. He must’ve done, because the name felt just as familiar like his own did.

”I knew someone called Eddie once,” Richie finally spoke, even though he wasn’t sure of it. Then he shrugged, he was probably overthinking it. ”Come on Bev! I’m starving.” With a grin he dragged Beverly back to the kitchen, leaving the stranger alone in the hallway.

”Richie, do you think that’s the Eddie Bill talked about when he just came home?”, Beverly asked as she sat down on one of the chairs.

Richie had almost forgotten about that. He wanted to believe that was the reason why he recognized the name, but it really felt like it wasn’t. Hearing that name coming out from Eddie’s own mouth had stirred something in his stomach.

”I don’t know, Bev, Bill said we knew that person and I don’t know about you, but I don’t know him,” Richie said.

And he didn’t. It bothered him that his mind tricked him into thinking he did. He had never seen this boy before, he knew he hadn’t. But something gnawed his mind and he couldn’t understand why.

Twenty minutes later all four of them sat by the table and ate Mike’s leftovers. And Richie talked. If he didn’t it would probably be dead quiet in the kitchen and Richie couldn’t handle that. Every once in a while he couldn’t help but cast glances at Eddie when he thought he didn’t notice.

Richie looked from Eddie to Bill, who so obviously forced the food down his throat. This was the first time he actually had come down to sit at the table and eat. Richie wondered if it was because Eddie was here.

”So Bill, how do you know this piece of sugar?” Richie asked, trying to get him in to the conversation. And he very well noticed the blush on Eddie’s face.

”Um.” Bill and Eddie shared a look. ”He a-actually went t-to Hogwarts.”

Suddenly a picture took form inside Richie’s mind. He could see the boy in a yellow tie wandering around the corridors at Hogwarts. He finally understood why he had recognized Eddie. He had seen him at Hogwarts.

”Hufflepuff,” he said, almost instinctively. He heard Beverly say something but he didn’t register it.

Eddie snapped his head to Richie. Their eyes met and Richie tried to remember something about him. ”I think I recognize you. It’s been bothering me the whole time,” Richie said, still searching Eddie’s eyes, there had to be something. Suddenly he realized he’d been staring at Eddie for must have been two minutes straight. He blinked and turned his gaze to Beverly. ”Don’t you?”

”No, sorry, I don’t,” she said apologetically.

Richie turned his gaze to Bill to ask how they were so good friends but never had mentioned Eddie during their seven years at Hogwarts. Or had he? Richie couldn’t actually remember. But just when he was about to ask he saw how Bill had shut his eyes and pressed his fingers to his head, like he used to do when everything around him got too much.

”Bill, are you okay?” Beverly had been quicker to ask than Richie.

”I just… C-could you help me up to my r-room?” he asked Beverly and she was by his side in one second.

Richie followed them with his gaze. He shot Bev a glance as if to ask if she needed help, but she just shook her head as she helped Bill out if his chair and then out from the kitchen.

His eyes found their way back to Eddie. Suddenly something flashed in his mind. He saw the Hufflepuff boy with cheeks flushed in anger, a face expression that reflected irritation and annoyance. Richie didn’t know where or when this was, but he definitely remembered it. He couldn’t remember the content of if, he could only see Eddie’s face in his memories, nothing about what had caused his anger.

”Was I ever mean to you? As a Slytherin I know I could be a dick in first year before I met…” The words had rolled off his tongue without him really thinking about them. Before he met who? Richie was so confused that he didn’t know what to say. His thoughts flew around his head in every direction, he couldn’t make out any of it.

”You were always a Trashmouth but no, never mean,” Eddie said.

The second those words left Eddie’s mouth a memory came back to Richie. A conversation. Just like before he couldn’t remember anything around it, he couldn’t remember where it had taken place or when, but he did remember every word.

”Alright I’m going to bed.”

”Do you mind if I… Slytherin?”

”Shut up.”

”Your mom didn’t mind-”

”Richie! Shut the fuck up! You disgusting Trashmouth!”

”Ah come on Eds, just admit that you love it.”

Richie stared into Eddie’s eyes. He did know him. He couldn’t understand how, but he definitely knew the person sitting in front of him. It was Eddie. Eds.

”Eds.”

Richie could hear Eddie chuckle, but it was like he heard it from distance. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with his fingers.

The whole thing was insane. When Eddie had knocked on the door only an hour earlier Richie hadn’t known him at all. He had recognized his face, but only in a way like he’d seen him once or twice at school. But now when he looked at Eddie he had a feeling that he knew him. Like they had been friends. And all of this had happened within an hour. But he couldn’t remember anything of their friendship. He just knew they had been friends. Richie could feel his body start shaking. What’s happening?!

”I think I’m going mental,” Richie said, his voice reflecting how scared and confused he was. ”I don’t understand what’s going on. I feel like I know you but at the same time I have no idea who you are. It’s like…”

Richie didn’t feel present in the kitchen. He searched so desperately in his head for more but nothing appeared to his memories. It was blank. Tears threatened in his eyes, he didn’t know if they were tears caused by anger or simply because how scared he felt in that moment.

”It’s like when you wake up from a dream and you desperately try to remember it but it keeps slipping away. Just when you think you get a grasp of it, it just disappears.” Richie looked into Eddie’s eyes, searching for answers. ”What’s going on?”

Eddie sighed. ”Do you want to go for a walk?” he asked. Richie couldn’t find any words, he just nodded.

—

The small rock Richie was kicking rolled a few feet away to the side. He took a big step to the left as they walked to not let it go and kicked it a few feet again.

”Someone’s been messing with my brain, right?”

Richie wasn’t stupid. He was after all three years into his training to become an Auror. He had been taught about memory charms, but he didn’t really understand this one. Because memory charms usually took away everything, they wouldn’t let you remember anything.

”Like, someone’s cast a memory charm on me?” He kicked the rock hard one last time. ”Obliviate or some shit?”

”Yeah,” Eddie answered and looked away again.

For the first time it hit Richie that Eddie must know him. ”And… What about you?” Richie asked. ”Do you know me? Like all of me?”

”I do.”

It felt like something crawled inside Richie’s skin. It was an uncomfortable feeling that the boy walking next to him probably could answer every question about his life but Richie didn’t know anything about him. Did Eddie know about his childhood? Did he know how that Richie counted the days to finally go to Hogwarts to get out of his home? Did he know about his dream to become an Auror?

Probably.

Richie hadn’t noticed when his pace had slowed down but he was now standing still. He couldn’t get his legs to move. In the corner of his eyes he saw Eddie move and the next second they stood right in front of each other. Richie watched the much shorter boy study his face. And Richie studied his face too. And this time it didn’t feel like he looked at some stranger. He looked at Eddie. Even thought he couldn’t remember, there was a feeling growing inside Richie. It seemed like new feelings and memories came to him the more time he spent with him. As Richie looked into his eyes like this, he felt his heart beat faster, he felt some kind of force dragging him to Eddie. He felt a connection.

”I can feel it though,” Richie whispered. ”I can feel how important you were to me, Eddie.”

Eddie came closer to him and it took a second for Richie to realize that it actually was him that was leaning closer. It felt like instinct to want to be close to him. He raised his hand and it felt right to touch him, to run his fingers over Eddie’s cheek. Deep inside Richie there was a longing to feel Eddie’s skin-

But he couldn’t. A deep sigh left Richie’s mouth and he lowered his hand again and he just realized how close they were so he took a step back.

”But I can’t remember why.” He couldn’t get over the fact that he looked at this boy, feeling like he knew him but actually couldn’t remember shit. But he wanted to. He wanted to know everything. ”Please tell me what’s going on. Tell me about us.”

”I will tell you everything but not just yet.”

Richie wanted to scream in desperation. ”Why not?”

”Because I need you to understand first.”

Before Richie even got to think about what Eddie had said Eddie closed the gap between them and cupped Richie’s face. Richie closed his eyes and he was very aware of his heart hammering in his chest. He felt a small pressure to his head as Eddie lowered it to rest his forehead against Richie’s. And they stood there for awhile, so close to each other they breathed the same air. He wondered what Eddie thought about. He wanted to know what he felt in this moment. Did his heart beat as fast as his did?

And Richie wondered what he would have felt if his memories hadn’t been touched. He wondered what he would have done when they were this close. He wanted his memories back.

”I can’t wait to remember because holy shit Eds, the way you make my heart go is ridiculous,” Richie breathed and they opened their eyes at the same time. A memory started to take form in his mind. ”Don’t call me that!”

”You hate that I call you Eds. True or not true?”

Eddie’s hands disappeared from his face and he laughed as he shook his head. It had been the first time Richie had heard him laugh like this, or at least the first time he remembered, and it made his whole body warm.

”Not true.”

Richie knew there had been something he did hate. It really felt like it had been ’Eds’. Maybe he lied about it. Or maybe he had changed his mind. Then he remembered something else. The thought about it had a grin grow on his lips.

”How about Eddie Spaghetti? You hate it, true or not true?”

”True.” Eddie groaned and rolled his eyes. “True true true.”

—

The day turned to evening and they all sat together in their hang-out room. Richie sat in the armchair and Eddie sat next to him in a beanbag. The rest of them were all cuddled up in the sofa. They had spent the last thirty minutes with Eddie and Bill trying to explain that Eddie was their friend. But none of them could remember it because their memories had been taken away from them.

”Wait, so you’ve actually lived here?” Ben asked and Richie was just as confused. It felt weird hearing how Eddie had been a part of their group for ten years. That they had spent every day at school together, that he had lived here. That he grieved Stan as much as they did. It was weird, but not surprising. Because for some reason Richie couldn’t explain, it felt right.

”So Bill wasn’t crazy after all, there actually was someone called Eddie,” Beverly said, studying Eddie. Richie looked over at Bill who sat next to her and the saying ’if looks could kill’ crossed his mind as he watched how Bill glared at Beverly.

”Y-you’ll probably get your memories back. It w-will just take awhile,” Bill said, his calm voice not really matching the glare he just had shot at Beverly.

”And you two…?” Beverly said, pointing one finger back and forth at Richie and Eddie.

”All I know is that I can’t stay away from him,” Richie mumbled. Eddie’s beanbag was placed right next to Richie’s armchair, perfect for him to reach Eddie. He couldn’t keep his hands off him. He was either stroking Eddie’s arm or dragged his fingers through Eddie’s hair. Since their moment that afternoon he hadn’t left Eddie’s side once.

A grin spread across Richie’s face. ”But who wouldn’t, look at him. Isn’t he the cutest little thing you’ve ever laid eyes on?” He pinched Eddie’s cheek which had turned bright red and Richie just remembered his favorite color.

”Oh, fuck off,” Eddie muttered and shoved his hand away but Richie just laughed.

”But you remember him more than we do, like you remembered which house he belonged to and eventually you remembered his name,” Beverly said and took a sip from her glass of butterbeer. ”And you obviously remember some feelings you had for him,” she continued, giving a meaning look at Richie’s hand that traced up and down Eddie’s arm.

”It’s because Richie had… has a closer bond to him. Right?” Mike finally spoke and looked at Bill. Mike hadn’t said anything at all the last thirty minutes, but he had always been more of an observer. ”I remember them together.”

”You do?” Eddie and Bill spoke at the same time.

”Yes. Well, it’s not like a specific memory, more like a feeling. When I see you I feel like I understand true love. I feel like I know true happiness,” Mike said and Richie met his eyes, giving him a small smile.

He really understood what he meant. Because Richie could feel that too.

Then Ben asked the question Richie already had asked ten times that day. ”Why can’t you just tell us everything about you? Tell us the stories of how we became friends, how it was like when you lived here-”

”B-because it’s not the right way to go. You all s-still have all of these m-memories. You just need to dig deep to get them out,” Bill said. It was the exact same answer Richie had gotten. Ten times.

Suddenly Beverly’s laugh filled the room. ”You had broken your arm one summer and came to Hogwarts with a cast and everyone looked at you like you were crazy,” she said tentatively, as if she remembered as she spoke. ”Yes! And Professor Sprout took you to Madam Pomfrey and she fixed it in literally two seconds!”

Richie’s smile reached his ears. He remembered that too. Richie stroked Eddie’s right arm, the one he had broken years ago.

”Well, I couldn’t take my muggle mother to St Mungos now could i?” Eddie said and laughed.

Richie’s whole body froze and his smile turned to a thin line. ”You’re a muggle-born,” Richie whispered so only Eddie could hear.

The war.

Where had Eddie been? Had he been safe? Had he fled from this house to stay alive?

Their eyes met and Richie tried to mentally push the thought over to him that they would talk about this later. He needed to know everything. Or did he already know? Had he helped him to run away?

He didn’t know. Like with everything else. Richie didn’t know anything and it drove him insane.

For hours they sat there and just talked. Mostly about Eddie. They figured out pretty soon that the more they talked about it the more they remembered. It was hard to grasp a memory from nothing, but together they could remember pretty much. But it was mostly small things. Major things like exactly how they had become friends was harder to remember. But Bill ensured it would come back with time.

It had been quiet for about thirty minutes. Bill was asleep against Mike’s chest and Ben and Beverly were sleeping too in an adorable knot of arms and legs. Richie smiled at the sight, it felt like Eddie had brought some kind of calm to the Losers’ house.

Richie turned his head and his gaze met Eddie. He looked tired and the sight of a sleepy Eddie had Richie smiling. He looked back at Mike and he must have understood what Richie wanted because he signed to him that it was okay for them to go to bed.

”C’mon Eds, let’s go to bed,” Richie mumbled.

They got up as quietly as they could, mouthed a goodnight and then walked out of the room. They walked up the stairs in silence next to each other and Richie let his hand slip into Eddie’s. When they came to the bedroom door they stopped and stood there for a moment. Richie wondered if they had shared that room. They must have. He looked from the door to Eddie and a hesitation was spread all over his face.

”I can sleep in Bills room-”

”Nonsense! I reckon we’ve slept in the same bed more times than you and I can count together.” A laugh left his mouth as he opened his- their door. He shoved Eddie inside and he almost stumbled right into him because Eddie halted only two steps in.

”What have you done to this room?”

Richie laughed as he watched Eddie scan the room. ”Oh I think it’s coming back to me,” he said. A faint memory of this room neat and clean appeared to his mind. It hadn’t been that clean since… Well, since Eddie lived here. He had no idea how long time ago that was, but it must at least be months.

”Is that… Have you been eating food in the bed?”

Richie recognized the way Eddie had said that sentence. Because he had heard it a hundred times before. He remembered that.

”Yep. There it is. I remember it all now.”

”Don’t you know any cleaning spells at all?” Eddie had raised his voice but Richie only laughed. Eddie needed to be calmed down so Richie cupped his hands on his cheeks and turned his face so they faced each other.

”I guess I haven’t had the need to know them when I had you,” he said, still laughing. ”And I had no idea you would storm back into my life today so I didn’t have the time to clean. Hell, I didn’t even know you existed until today!”

Richie immediately regretted what he had said when he saw how Eddie’s face dropped.

”I’m sorry,” Eddie whispered.

”Hey, don’t. You’re here now and that what matters, okay?” He stroked Eddie’s cheek and smiled. ”How about you teach me some cleaning spells, huh?”

Richie did know cleaning spells. He just didn’t care enough to use them and he guessed Eddie knew that too because he didn’t really teach Richie any spells, he just did it all himself. And Richie got the feeling that it always had been like that.

Seeing his-, their, room like this brought back so much. He could see how Eddie would sit by the desk, or stand by the wardrobe and picking clothes. Richie looked around the room, picturing how it had been and how it would be now again. And then his eyes caught Eddie lying in the bed and he almost choked on his own breath. Seeing Eddie in that bed brought new memories back to him.

He remembered waking up and the first thing he would see in the morning was Eddie.

He remembered falling asleep in each others arm.

He remembered moans.

There weren’t any details, he just kind of knew it all had happened. But he could definitely remember the feeling of it all. He felt love spread through him as he remembered how it felt to wake up and fall asleep next to him. And then he felt something tingle in his stomach when he remembered how he felt hearing Eddie let out noises of pleasure. He knew that was the best sound he had ever heard. He stared into Eddie’s eyes as he tried to remember how it sounded. But he couldn’t. Richie had to bite his tongue to not let out a frustrated sigh.

”What?”

Eddie’s voice brought him back to the bedroom. ”Seeing you in that bed just aroused some memories,” Richie said.

”Oh.”

Yes, ’oh’ indeed, Richie thought. He took his glasses off and then got on to the bed, crawling on his hands and knees until he was so close to Eddie he could see every detail of his beautiful face.

”Hi,” Eddie whispered and the feeling of his breath to Richie’s skin had his heart flutter.

”Hi,” Richie answered and his eyes traveled all over Eddie’s face, taking in everything. ”You’re so fucking beautiful, Eds, did I ever tell you?” His hand found their way to Eddie’s cheek, stroking it carefully. He followed his hand with his eyes as it traveled down his chest. It was mesmerizing, how soft Eddie’s skin felt under his fingertips.

Richie looked up and their eyes met. ”So beautiful,” he repeated and leaned in so their foreheads pressed together, lips only brushing against the other’s.

He wanted so desperately to kiss him, to get to know Eddie’s lips again. But he tried to remember first. He searched through his head, he knew he had kissed him before, but he wanted to remember a specific moment-

Then Eddie pressed his lips against Richie’s.

The world around Richie stopped and spun so fast at the same time. The second their lips touched the memories of them kissing came rushing back to him. He remembered that he had kissed Eddie a million times before, each better than before.

Richie didn’t even have to think about how to kiss Eddie, because he knew this. Suddenly he knew exactly what Eddie liked in a kiss, he knew how to move his lips against Eddie’s. He knew when to part and deepen it, he knew when he could pause and gently bite Eddie’s lower lip. This was something he knew by heart, he had only forgotten about it but now it all came back.

”Chee…” Eddie breathed between kisses.

The way Eddie had said it, it went straight to Richie’s heart and a love he had forgotten about blossomed in his whole being. It hit him like lightning. This nickname was something special only for Richie to hear. It wasn’t like 'Eds' or 'Spaghetti' or any other nickname Richie had for Eddie. This one was special in its own way. This one was only used in situations where Eddie wanted Richie to know how much he meant to him. And Richie loved it.

Richie placed one little kiss on Eddie’s lips before he pulled back. Their eyes met and the rays of gold in Eddie’s eyes had changed to a dark sunset. Richie stared at Eddie without blinking and it felt like it was the first time he really looked at him.

He might not remember how they met, how their first kissed had been like or any detail at all about Eddie.

But Richie knew he loved him. So much.

”Say that again.”

”Fuck, I’ve missed you so much Chee.”

Richie crashed his lips against Eddie’s again. He tried to express how much he wanted this, how much he needed this. Richie finally understood why he’d had an aching hole inside of him for months. He understood why he had been so sad and so incomplete. He couldn’t be whole without the person in his arms.

He was finally healing.

Day 2

Richie woke up by something tingling his neck. He felt the warmth of another body next to him, their face snuggled up to his neck, breathing heavily. For one second Richie was confused until he remembered.

Eddie.

Richie’s lips curved to a smile. He turned to his side, carefully to not wake the sleeping boy next to him. Richie studied Eddie’s face, took in every detail. He looked so peaceful as he was sleeping, no wrinkle between his eyebrows, no worried eyes and he just looked so soft. And so beautiful, it was unbelievable.

It couldn’t be controlled, Richie had to touch him. He raised his hand and traced his fingers to Eddie’s cheek, over his nose and down to his jawline. He remembered how he had kissed Eddie’s face the night before, just in that order. Cheek, nose, jawline. And then down his neck, which had made Eddie to let out a whimper, making Richie insane with lust.

His fingers continued down Eddie’s collarbones and chest, which had been Richie’s canvas for purple and red marks. ”Richie you fucking idiot, you can’t leave marks on my neck, everyone will see these!”  Eddie’s words from sometime during seventh year had appeared to his memory the previously night as he had kissed Eddie all over his neck, resulting in the marks on his chest.

Richie made his way up to Eddie’s shoulder, traveling with his fingers down his arm. He carefully took Eddie’s hand in his. Those beautiful small hands with literally no flaws. His nails were perfectly shaped, no trace of biting like Richie did to his, and even his nail beds were perfect. Richie raised Eddie’s hand in his and kissed his knuckles, glancing up at Eddie to see if he still slept. He did.

Richie lowered his eyes and looked down at Eddie’s mouth which was partly open. His lips were still swollen from the thousands kisses they’d shared.

Loser whistled in his cage which brought Richie back to reality. Damn it, he needed to get up and write a letter to the Ministry. There was no chance he’d go in to work today. Nor the following days. He needed to understand why the boy that slept so heavily next to him had this impact on him. Why Richie couldn’t remember him but at the same time knew how much he meant to him.

He let go of Eddie’s hand and carefully got out of bed. He put his pants on and gave Eddie a glance. He was still sleeping with heavily breaths. How deep does this boy sleep? Richie grinned as he turned to the desk, opened the drawer where Eddie so neatly had put his parchments and quills the night before.

The quill hit the parchment and Richie tried his hardest to actually sound honest and very, very sorry for missing a few days. He had heard the deep breaths from Eddie change at one point and Richie knew he had woken up. He let him believe he hadn’t noticed for awhile but he couldn’t hold it for long. A grin spread over his lips as he finished the last sentence.

”Stop staring at me, creep,” he said and turned his head, meeting Eddie’s gaze. ”Morning sleepyhead. Do you always sleep so heavy? I thought you had died.”

Richie watched as Eddie sat up with a smile, so blissfully unaware of the marks down his chest. ”Always have. What are you writing?”

Richie opened the cage. ”I’m sick Eds!” He covered his mouth with one hand and fake coughed in it. ”I can’t work today,” he added with a grin and carefully strapped the rolled up letter to Loser’s leg

He stretched his arm out for Loser to hop up on before he stood up and walked to the window and opened it. ”There, fly away my beloved creature!” Richie said, using a different voice like he usually had. He wondered if Eddie liked when he did that, he couldn’t remember. He looked around to see Eddie’s face expression, but there was no smile, he looked dead serious.

”Richie you’re an Auror, you can’t skip work!”

Eddie was the only person to walk on this planet that could make upset look cute. Richie barely noticeably shook his head, closed the window and crawled back onto the bed. He got as close as he could to Eddie, with the mission to make him forget about what he had done. He pressed his lips to Eddie’s cheek and kissed his way up to Eddie’s ear.

”I want to spend as much time as I can with you,” he breathed into Eddie’s ear and took a soft nibble on his earlobe, pleased with the effect it had on him. When Richie heard a sigh leave Eddie’s mouth he made his way down his neck.

”Richie, please.”

Richie’s heart skipped a beat, memories from last night flashing through his mind. Why not add a few marks to his masterpiece on Eddie’s chest? And just as he was about to he got pulled away.

”Richie, stop it.”

What? Richie stared into Eddie’s eyes, and he could only imagine how dark his eyes were.

”You can’t skip work.”

”A few days won’t hurt. Not now when Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are there,” Richie said and he really couldn’t hide the annoyance. He didn’t want to talk about work right now, he just wanted to explore Eddie and get to know him the way he was sure he once did. He wanted to remember every memory he lost. So no, work wasn’t priority number one-

What did Eddie work with?

Richie stared into Eddie’s eyes, trying to grasp for something, for anything. He tried to picture him in a situation. Had he seen Eddie at work? Had Eddie talked about it to him? Had Eddie come home one day exhausted and told him about his day?

I don’t know!

Richie shut his eyes, desperately searching in his mind for something.

”Shit, I can’t remember what you worked with,” Richie said and opened his eyes again. He felt so disappointed with himself, how hard could it be? ”Sorry.”

”No, please don’t apologize. Nothing about this is your fault.” Eddie cupped Richie’s face and he couldn’t help the smile forming his lips.

He leaned onto Eddie’s hand. ”I’m just so sick of this shit, I want all of my memories to come back now.”

Eddie leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips and stayed close. ”Do you remember in sixth and seventh year when we studied for our N.E.W.T.s?”

Richie closed his eyes. He remembered studying, of course he did. He remembered studying a lot by himself at his dorm, he usually never studied with anyone else because he wanted to focus. Sometimes he could study with Stan, but Eddie? No he didn’t remember studying with Eddie.

”Give me something more.”

”We spent our whole free time in the library or out by the lake studying. The both of us really needed to get top grades on our subjects.” Richie hummed and focused on each of Eddie’s words, trying to hang on to anything.

”You helped me with Defense Against the Dark Arts. I needed an Outstanding, or at least Exceeds Expectations and you were so good at it, I just knew I wouldn’t make it without your help.”

”Think of a happy memory Eds.”

”I am but it doesn’t work!”

”If it doesn’t work, then you’re not thinking of a happy memory.”

They had been studying for hours, at first the theoretical part and now they practiced to conjure their Patronus and Eddie couldn’t get it right. Richie had succeeded on his first try when they had practiced it in class with Professor Lupin. A blinding silver swan had appeared from the tip of his wand, flying through the room. Richie had looked at the beautiful creature going around the room in awe. Seeing his Patronus for the first time had his lips form a smile from ear to ear. He had always hoped for his patronus to be a dragon or a werewolf, but a swan seemed perfect for a reason Richie didn’t know yet.

At last, Eddie succeeded to conjure a incorporeal Patronus, but Eddie wasn’t happy with it, that wouldn’t give him an Outstanding on his N.E.W.T.s the following year. Eddie groaned in frustration, and Richie thought he would actually snap his wand. The cloud of mist disappeared and Eddie stomped with his foot hard and angrily on the ground, which by the way, was the cutest thing Richie had ever seen.

”Why do I need to get an Outstanding in Defense Against the Dark Arts when I want to be a Healer!”

Richie snapped his eyes open and quoted what Eddie had said that night. He could feel warmth spreading through his chest and a smile took form on his lips. Remembering details about Eddie’s life made him so happy, and he didn’t hide it.

”You’re a Healer. True or not true?”

”True,” Eddie answered and the smile on his face caused Richie’s heart to speed.

Richie couldn’t control himself, if he crashed his lips against Eddie’s of pure happiness or because of that beautiful smile on his face, Richie didn’t know.

Laughter bubbled in his throat and he couldn’t help but let it out in-between kisses. ”My Spaghetti-Man is a Healer!”

Day 3

The sun warmed his skin, Eddie was pressed up against his chest as he sat in between his legs, Bill had agreed to come outside and Mike, Ben and Bev finally had a day off. It was a good day in Richie’s life. It wasn’t perfect, far from perfect, but it was good. He still struggled with his memories, and there would never be a perfect day when there weren’t all seven of them.

Richie tried to change his mind from thinking that the whole group had consisted of six people. They had actually been seven. Eddie had been a part of their group. Richie knew he had been, it was like a feeling, but he couldn’t really remember details. He couldn’t really see him sitting with them at dinner, he couldn’t picture him walking next to them as they visited Hogsmeade. But Eddie had been a part of their group, he had been friends with Richie from first year-

”You fucking disgusting pieces of shits, leave him alone!” Richie had been full on raging as he ran up to the scene in front of him, his hands shaking of anger. He recognized the boy that was their target, he was the muggle-born Hufflepuff that had suffered more than once because of Slytherins. But not anymore, not if Richie had a say in it.

Sure, he came from a pureblood family and he was a Slytherin, but he did not think any less of halfbloods or muggle-borns. And he would never let someone spit out that word the way Bowers did right now. Richie didn’t even care that they were in the same house.

They looked at Richie with grinning faces, but then their grin disappeared and they actually ran away from there.

”Go blow your dad you mullet wearing asshole!” Richie yelled after them, mainly at Bowers, pleased (and surprised) that he’d actually made them run off.

”Richard Tozier!”

Fuck. Professor McGonagall. They hadn’t run away because Richie had yelled at them, of course they hadn’t, it was because McGonagall had appeared out of nowhere.

”Never!” She pointed her bony finger straight at Richie. ”Never have I heard such language in this school!” She was furious. ”15 points from Slytherin, and I will see you at detention tonight, Mr. Tozier.”

”But they-”

”Oh I heard what they said and that’s another 15 points from Slytherin. I will make sure they get their detention too,” she said firmly. Her eyes went from Richie to Eddie. ”Now, take Mr. Kaspbrak to his common room.”

”A group of Slytherins called you a Mudblood and I defended you and that’s how we became friends. True or not true?”

Eddie turned around from where he was sitting between Richie’s legs. Their eyes met and Richie waited for Eddie to say something, but he didn’t. Instead his eyes wandered all over Richie’s face and all his eyes reflected was love. Did he really have this affect on Eddie? He couldn’t understand it, what did he see in him? As Eddie’s mouth partly opened a grin spread on Richie’s face. What a dork. What a beautiful dork.

”Hey Eds, close your mouth or you’ll drool all over yourself,” Richie said. The grin grew even wider when Eddie blinked like he just had gotten back to reality. ”So?”

It took a second for Eddie to answer, like he had to gather himself. How Richie wanted to know what went through inside that pretty little head.

”True. And lose the grin Richie,” he muttered.

Richie didn’t lose it, not at all.

”I remember that now when you mention it!” Richie looked away from Eddie to look at Beverly. ”It was first year, we were walking in the corridor and saw how Eddie ran straight into Henry Bowers, and he dropped all his books to the floor.”

”D-didn’t you run away from Peeves?” Bill said.

”Mhm,” Eddie muttered.

”And Bowers and his gang lashed out on you. I’ve never heard anyone use that word the way they did,” Beverly continued.

Anger spread through Richie at the memory. He was glad that he finally remembered how they became friends, but he wished it hadn’t been because someone was insulting Eddie.

”Those fuckers. I’ve never been so angry my whole life,” Richie said between his teeth.

”You lost fifteen points for us because of what you said to them,” Beverly said with a grin.

He remembered that too, and he also remembered the awful detention he had to go through. And he remembered thinking it was worth it, every lost point, every minute spent at detention.

”Richie, do you r-remember what you said a few days later?” Bill asked, and Richie looked from Eddie to Bill. ”My whole House hates me-”

”-but being friends with Eds makes it worth it,” Richie finished, the memory coming back to him when Bill had said the first part of the sentence. He looked back at Eddie and smiled. His whole house, except Beverly, had really hated him. He was best friends with a muggle-born, and a Hufflepuff on top of that. And no one could understand how he could do it, but Richie didn’t care. Not at all. He liked Eddie and blood status or house belonging didn’t matter to him.

And if he hadn’t been friends with Eddie, he and Beverly wouldn’t have been friends with Bill and Mike, and if they wouldn’t have been friends with them they wouldn’t have been friends with Stan and Ben.

The smile on his lips turned into a grin as he looked away from Eddie to look at the others.

”And that’s how the Losers’ Club was founded.”

Day 4

”Tell me more.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a demand. Richie wanted to know everything about Eddie.

”You k-know I can’t give you everything. You have to remember for yourself,” Bill answered with a smile.

A groan made it’s way out of Richie’s mouth and he burrowed his head in Eddie’s hair. ”Please, just one more,” he pleaded, looking at Bill who sat on the sofa in front of him and Eddie who sat cuddled up together in the armchair.

”Eddie and S-Stan had a beautiful friendship.”

Richie’s arm stiffened around Eddie’s small body, his heart aching, like it always did whenever Stan was brought up.

”Bill-”

”Y-you did. You related to e-each other in a way no one of us could even b-begin to understand,” Bill said, interrupting Eddie.

Richie took Eddie’s hands is his and gave them a comforting squeeze. Stan’s relationship with each and everyone of them had been different. They all connected in different ways and everyone loved Stan in their own way.

Richie and Stan had balanced each other perfectly. Stan would never express his dark humor to anyone else than to Richie. And Richie had loved it. When the others had just told Richie to shut up when he fired off a joke or a dirty comment, Stan had been the one to fire back. They would go on until someone couldn’t come up with something new, and they kept score on who won. For the record, Stan was always in the lead.

And Richie would never understand how Stan hadn’t ended up in Slytherin.

Of course wasn’t their friendship only based on dark and sarcastic humor, they did have their moments where there wasn’t anything else than pure love. They had loved each other from the moment when Stan had rolled his eyes for the very first time at Richie. Though they never said it. I hate you Richard. I hate you too Bird-boy. But there was not hate. Both of them had said it while their eyes glittered with love. It was their own way of saying I love you.

Eddie and Stan though. Richie could only imagine the connection the two of them must’ve had as they were the only muggle-borns in the group. And they had their own problems which Richie never had fully understood. But they had. And they helped each other out.

”I remember that you two always brought each other napkins to clean your hands before any meal,” Richie said, a grin slowly making its way on his lips as he thought about all the times he had teased them with disgusting noises, loud eating and food spitting.

”Is that the only thing you remember?” Eddie laughed.

”I have a faint memory of you two always talking about weird muggle stuff,” Richie grinned and looked over at Bill. They had always shared a look whenever they had caught Eddie and Stan talking about muggle sports, books or bands. But his grin disappeared when he saw the state Bill was in. He was in pain.

”I really miss him,” Bill whispered, tears filling his eyes.

Richie and Eddie shared a look before Eddie stood up from his lap to sit next to Bill. Richie watched how Eddie put an arm around Bill’s shoulder and then how Bill just broke down. Seeing him like that caused Richie’s heart to ache. Bill hadn’t talked much about it at all since he came home, he hadn’t let himself be vulnerable. He couldn’t hide the pain in his eyes, they all had seen how sad he actually was, but he had never showed it like this. Richie didn’t think twice before he was there with them.

”We know Bill, we miss him too,” Richie mumbled, wrapping his arms around them both.

This made it feel so real, to see Bill who had been absolutely closest to Stan cry like this. Tears threatened in his own eyes and for a split second he panicked because he didn’t cry in front of anyone. Not for a specific reason other than it made him uncomfortable. He was Richie, Richie who always had a shit eating grin on his face, always had a joke waiting to roll off his tongue. He didn’t like to be seen when he cried. But he had held this inside of him for so long that he didn’t really care. Richie had been so lonely with all of this. The first weeks after it’d happened had been the loneliest time of his life. He had spent so many nights crying himself to sleep-

Then it hit him. That was just his altered memories of it. He hadn’t been alone. Not at all. And he did cry in front of someone. Eddie. Eddie had been the one who had literally saved Richie from total devastation. He remembered now how they had held on to each other at nights, crying together and just been there for one another. Richie hadn’t been lonely.

All three of them sat there and cried in each others arms, comforting each other until the room got quiet. The only sound that was heard was their slow breathing. It felt like they were stuck in time and nothing else mattered than just the three of them, hugging each other.

Then they got back to reality as Eddie broke the silence. ”I’ll go get us some water.”

Richie loosened his arms around Eddie’s small body so he could get up and Bill broke away and sat on the other side of the sofa.

Eddie stood up and started to walk to the kitchen, but stopped when Bill spoke.

”I-I’m s-sorry, I just…”

Richie gave Eddie a look that said he could take care of him.

”Hey there Big Bill, don’t ever apologize because of that.” His voice was gentle and loving, and he sat a little closer to Bill, placing one hand on his knee and Eddie spun around and left the room when he was sure Richie had control over the situation.

Bill looked up at Richie with new tears filling his eyes. As one spilled over and rolled down his cheek Richie raised his hand and wiped it away.

”It’s okay to show emotions. It’s okay to be sad. We all are, and we shouldn’t keep it to ourselves. We all need to remember that,” Richie spoke, but Bill’s gaze was fixed somewhere far away.

”I just wished he had run away too,” Bill said and something in Richie’s head started to spin.

”I don’t even care if he had obliviated me like-”

Richie heard the crash and the sound of glass shatter to the floor like it had happened miles away. His mind was somewhere else than in that room. He caught a glimpse of Bill’s face, with his hand over his mouth and widened eyes as if he just realized he had said too much.

It all came back to him, all at once. That morning in the kitchen. He remembered every fucking detail of it. The look in Eddie’s eyes, how scared and broken he had been. He remembered how Eddie had pointed his wand at him, how Richie had panicked and was on his way to stupefy Eddie in pure desperation to make him stop. He remembered the tears streaming down both of their faces, and the fucking ache. The pain he had been in that morning… He almost wished he couldn’t remember that.

”I love you Eddie, please don’t do this”

”I love you too Richie. Endlessly.”

”Eddie-”

”Obliviate.”

Richie tried to orientate his feelings. Was he upset? Yes. Was he sad that it had happened? Yes. Was he angry about it? No.

Because Eddie was alive.

And that was literally the only thing that mattered. Eddie had done it to save his own life, and maybe even Richie’s. He thought about how they could have been in Bill’s situation if Eddie had stayed. Eddie could have been dead. And Richie wouldn’t have let that happen without fighting for his life. So maybe Richie would have been dead too. Or been sent to Azkaban, like Bill.

He couldn’t think about it.

Richie came to a conclusion that all he felt was relief and thankfulness. It sucked having his memories messed with, but now when he knew the reason for it? He didn’t care. Eddie was alive and he was back in Richie’s life. And he did get his memories back, and that was more than he could’ve wished for because usually didn’t memory spells work like that.

Richie was brought back from his thoughts when he saw Eddie standing in he doorway. He felt new tears in his eyes but these were happy tears. Because Eddie was alive!

Richie stood up from the sofa and took the few steps towards Eddie, never breaking eye contact. It showed in Eddie’s whole face that he knew Richie knew. But Richie didn’t understand why he looked so terrified. Because Eddie really did, his whole face was twisted and eyes widened. Eddie opened his mouth to probably explain himself but Richie wouldn’t have any of it.

He pulled Eddie in the tightest hug humanly possible. He just wanted to let him know that he wasn’t angry. He was so far from angry. Eddie’s wrapped his arms around Richie's waist and he felt how he relaxed in his arms.

”I’m so sorry, Rich, I had to do it to keep you safe.” Eddie was crying against Richie’s chest and it broke Richie’s heart. He didn’t want him to cry, he wanted him to feel the happiness he felt. He loosened his grip around Eddie to meet his eyes.

”You’re alive Eddie,” Richie said under his breath. ”You’re here, and alive and i couldn’t be more thankful for that.”

”But I-”

”No Eds, please listen to me. It’s okay.” Richie raised his hand to wipe away Eddie’s tears with his thumb, giving him a small smile. ”We’re okay. I promise. I’m so happy you’re here.”

And finally Eddie started to believe him. A faint laugh bubbled up Eddie’s throat and with that he cupped Richie’s face and pulled him down to kiss him. Every kiss they had shared since Eddie came home had been different than the one before. New feelings blossomed in Richie every time they kissed and this time he felt more love than he had ever felt in their previously kisses. And he wanted Eddie to feel it. Every time their lips crashed together Richie made sure to express how he felt. He washed Eddie with love, with appreciation and with passionate. They kissed as if they were the only ones left on Earth and nothing around them mattered.

Day 5

Richie wanted to freeze this moment. He was laying on his back in bed with Eddie in his arms and the only light source was a candle standing on the nightstand. You’re the best pillow ever, Eddie had said an hour ago and they were still laying like that in silence. Eddie’s breath had slowed down and Richie thought he maybe had fallen asleep. It wasn’t that late but they were both so relaxed being with each other. He was so happy in this moment he wanted to live in it forever. He smiled to himself and closed his eyes too.

The last few days had almost been like a dream to Richie. He had gone from being absolutely miserable to have his heart filled with so much love he thought it would burst. It had happened so fast Richie could barely keep up with it. Now he couldn’t even understand how he had seen Eddie standing outside their door five days ago and not knowing him. He still struggled with some memories, it would probably take a while to be back like nothing had happened, but it didn’t bother them. They knew they loved each other and that was all that mattered-

Richie’s eyes flew open as another memory flashed through his mind. His heart was beating so fast and the smile on his lips reached his ears. He would probably never get used to the feeling of his memories coming back to him.

”Eds, wake up baby,” Richie whispered, stroking his arm. Eddie let out a hum and rose up on his elbow to look at Richie.

The sight of Eddie still half asleep and a little bit confused was too much for Richie. He let out a laugh and kissed him gently on his lips. ”Sorry to wake you up,” he said, still smiling at the sight in front of him. Sleepy Eddie was his favorite Eddie.

”S’okay,” Eddie mumbled. ”What is it?”

”I remember it,” Richie said eagerly. ”I remember the first time I said ’I love you’.”

Any trace of tiredness washed away from Eddie’s face. His eyes was glowing and the corner of his lips curved to a smile. ”Tell me about it.”

Richie knew Eddie remembered it but Eddie loved to hear Richie’s perspective of anything new he remembered.

”We were down by the Black Lake studying to our N.E.W.T.s,” Richie said. ”Seventh year.”

”Mhm,” Eddie hummed he traced with his fingers up and down Richie’s chest.

”I don’t remember which subject-”

”I think you do. Take your time.”

Richie closed his eyes hard and furrowed his eyebrows. He searched in his head, trying to focus on details in his memory. ”Transfiguration!” He opened his eyes again and met Eddie’s and his smile was even wider.

Eddie planted a quick kiss on Richie’s cheek. ”There you go, yeah.”

”Okay so I remember leaning against a tree, our tree, and you were laying on your stomach with your nose in a book. And I couldn’t concentrate for shit,” Richie said and the look on Eddie’s face had Richie’s heart melting.

”I know I even considered to walk away and study alone because you were so distracting,” Richie continued, remembering that hot spring day four years ago. Eddie had taken his robe off, and since they were free for the rest of the day Eddie had been wearing his muggle clothes. Richie would never forget those red shorts.

Eddie laughed. ”Why didn’t you?”

Richie raised his hand and ran it through Eddie’s hair.

”Because I loved watching you study. I loved everything about it. How your eyebrows would furrow when you didn’t understand something. Or the look on your face when you finally figured it out. Shit, it got me smiling like an idiot. I loved the way you bit your lip when you were really concentrated, and they way you stroked the quill to your face when you were thinking about what you would write,” Richie let out a laugh, but Eddie didn’t laugh with him. He looked like he was taken away by the way Richie talked about this, about the details he remembered.

”Tell me more,” Eddie whispered.

”I remember thinking I didn’t want to miss one day to study with you,” Richie continued and stroked Eddie by his cheek. ”And then I just realized that I didn’t want to miss any day with you, not any day at all. I wanted to be with you every moment of every day. I hated when we had to say goodnight and go to our own Houses at night. I hated not being with you. And when I was with you I couldn’t keep my feelings in control. My heart would skip a beat every time you looked at me. Hearing you laugh was what got me up in the morning. And I loved making you laugh. You would roll your eyes at my jokes but I knew you liked them.”

Richie didn’t think he would get this reaction from Eddie. His face was in pure awe as he listened to Richie speak.

”And I realized that was what love is, and holy shit, did I love you. So I said it.”

With those words leaving his mouth Eddie leaned in and kissed him. It was tender but also eager at the same time. Richie deepened the kiss, exploring Eddie’s mouth with his tongue. Before Richie knew it, Eddie moved and was now straddling Richie, and his hands were in Richie’s hair, and Richie’s hands had a steady grip on Eddie’s hips.

Richie tried to not get carried away, because he had more to say. It took everything he had to break away from the kiss.

”Eds..” Richie mumbled.

”Mhm?” Eddie hummed, placing kisses on Richie’s cheek and then down his neck.

Richie sucked in a deep breath as he took Eddie’s head in his hands and gently pulled him away. ”I finally feel that again, Eddie.”

”I know,” Eddie whispered, almost impatiently.

”No, please hear me out. These last five months has been a nightmare. I’ve felt like a piece of me was missing and I couldn’t understand what it was. And now when you’re back I finally feel complete. Eddie, you complete me,” Richie took Eddie’s hand and pressed it to his heart. ”Do you feel that? That’s because of you.”

Richie swore he could see Eddie's eyes water.

”I understand that this maybe is normal for you, like this is something we always did. But it’s new for me. Even though i remember how I felt, it’s something different to feel it now,” Richie continued.

He looked so deep into Eddie’s eyes, searching for understanding.

”Do you remember when you said you would come back to me after the war?” Richie asked and Eddie just nodded. ”You said you would make me fall in love with you all over again.”

A soft sob escaped Eddie’s mouth and Richie wiped away a tear that rolled down his cheek.

"You have. I love you Eddie Kaspbrak. I love you so much and no memory charm in this world can change that.”

”I love you too Richie. Endlessly.”

Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie and pulled him to his chest, hugging him tightly.

”I love you, I love you, I love you,” Richie hummed, kissing Eddie on the top of his head.

”Should we feel bad?” Eddie whispered after awhile. ”That we’re happy, I mean. Because I am happy. I’m so happy I’m finally with you again and and that we’re… us again. But there’s still so much sadness with Bill and Stan-”

”Stan would want us to be happy.” Richie said, cutting him off.

He would. Even though Stan had looked at Eddie and then at Richie and just said 'why' he truly had supported them. He’d been happy that they finally had listened to their feelings and got together.

It was okay to be happy. And Richie was. He was so happy.

Day 6

Richie loved to sit in the kitchen again. There was nothing holding him back now. He didn’t relate it to sadness, anger or worry anymore.

He was now sitting on the chair he’d been sitting on so many times before to watch his friends cook. Now, he was watching Eddie making lunch and Richie’s whole body was filled with love and happiness.

”Why aren’t you using magic for that, it’s such a waste of time,” Richie laughed as he watched Eddie chop carrots the muggle way.

Eddie looked over his shoulder and arched an eyebrow at him. ”Do you have anywhere to be?” he asked, implying that there was no hurry to get the food done.

”Yeah well I’ve skipped work for six days, maybe I should step by later. Bet they miss me,” Richie said with a grin.

”Doubtful,” Eddie answered and got back to chopping the carrots.

Richie gasped dramatically and placed his hands to his chest as if he was offended. ”Why are you hurting me this way Eddie? I am a very missable person.”

Eddie let out the most adorable laugh Richie had ever heard. It was the kind of genuine laugh that came from the bottom of the heart. Richie was in such awe his smile faded and his mouth turned into a small ’o’-shape. The laugh hit Richie right in his heart and it had made him speechless.

Richie stared at Eddie’s back, feeling the endless love to Eddie spread through his body, all the way to his fingertips and toes.

Richie loved this boy and and he wanted to spend the rest of his life hearing that laugh.

Eddie turned around at the sudden silence and their eyes met. Richie stared so intensively into his eyes he almost saw Eddie’s soul.

”Wha-”

Eddie didn’t get to finish what he was saying before Richie had stormed to his side and kissed him. His hands found their way to Eddie’s hair, then down his back and finally he placed them on his hips.

When Eddie realized what just had happened he relaxed and wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck and returned the kiss.

They kissed each other breathless and after a while they didn’t have a choice but to break apart to catch their breath. Richie pressed his forehead against Eddie’s and looked him right in the eyes.

”What was th-”

”Marry me.”

The words had slipped out Richie’s mouth before he even realized they had been on his tongue. But not in a way like it was an accident, no, he meant it. It was like it was his instincts that had taken over.

Eddie was so surprised he probably would have fallen if Richie hadn’t been holding him in his arms.

”I mean it Eddie. I just realized I never want to miss out hearing you laugh ever again. I’ve lived a life without you and I never, never, want to do that again,” Richie said and raised his hand and placed it on Eddie’s heart.

”I want to be yours forever. I want to spend my whole life with-”

”Yes.” Eddie’s voice was barely a whisper but Richie had heard it as clear as if Eddie would’ve shouted it. ”Yes, yes, yes.” Tears of happiness made their way down his cheeks.

Richie’s mouth widened in a smile so big it hurt his cheeks.

”Really?” he asked under his breath.

Eddie crashed his lips against Richie’s and that was the only answer Richie needed. He could feel his cheeks getting wet from Eddie’s tears. Maybe he cried too, Richie didn’t know.

Richie pulled away slightly. ”Richie Kaspbrak,” he said, trying how it felt on his tongue. ”I like it.”

Eddie just shook his head. ”No. I want to be a Tozier. Eddie Tozier.”

With that Richie pulled him in a hug and breathed him in. And for the first time in a very long time Richie felt like everything was going to be okay. The war was over, Bill was home, Eddie was here. There would always be an empty hole that Stan had left after him, a hole that never would be filled. But Richie knew Stan would always be by their side. He was always with them in their hearts.

And it was okay to be happy.

”I love you Edward Tozier.”