Chapter Text
1
Winter break started right on my birthday, and after Chaeyoung and Jaehyung’s unsuccessful attempt to surprise me, I had spent the first half hour of my birthday eating cake the two had prepared.
Mom comes to visit for the holidays, and she almost chokes on her slice of cake when she hears Jaehyung call me Eomma and see us converse naturally. And I can’t even blame her because it’s the same for me, and I still feel a little odd knowing Jaehyung and I could be even closer if I hadn’t left for Japan and left him here, or at least taken him with me.
“You can’t undo the past, Chaeyeon-ah,” Mom reminds me, while the two of us have coffee after both Chaeyoung and Jaehyung have gone to bed one night, “But you can try and make the present and the future better.”
“I’m trying my best, Mom. It really helps, that Jaehyung is well-disciplined.”
“Honestly, he’s calm and collected, until he talks about something he’s really interested in, like his new set of acrylic colors or that new camera he’s got. He told me it was a gift from Taehyung?”
“It was, yes.”
“Speaking of Taehyung, when will you…?”
“Jae’s birthday. I’m fine with the way things are, but he really wants to meet his Appa, and Taehyung wants to know why we split up, and there’s the thing Jiminie said so I feel like his birthday is the time. I promised both Jiminie and Taehyung that I will, that day.”
“It’ll go well. I just know it. I trust Taehyung, and even more so with Jaehyung. So I have hope that it’ll be fine.”
“I… I hope it goes fine too… I hope Taehyung doesn’t have to face problems because of this.”
“Of course Taehyung will face problems because of this. Especially because you two aren’t married, and this is Korea.” Mom chuckles when she sees my face darkening at her words. “He’ll face problems. But he’s a man, and he’s a really good man. He’s a strong one. He won’t let the bad take the good in things.”
I hadn’t seen Taehyung since the day at the park, but my love for him somehow increased so much over the time that passed.
>
“Hi, Jiminie-ah.”
“Hi, Chaeyeon-ah. This is the first time you asked me for a video call. Is everything alright?”
I laugh at my friend’s response, and Jimin loosens up a little when he senses nothing wrong from my expression.
“You look so much better now. So happy, too.”
“I am happy, Jiminie. Thank you for calling me back.”
“Of course. I’m sorry I couldn’t call earlier, I was at work and- Why did you ask me to call you, Chaeyeon-ah?” Jimin asks, raising his eyebrows and resting his right cheek on his hand.
“I have three things to say.”
“Yeah?”
“I want to say thank you.” I say, putting on a smile and leaning my phone against the desk, “Thank you for being my friend even when I did something so mean to your best friend.”
Jimin sits up straight at my words, eyes going a little bigger at the topic I brought up.
“I’m thankful for all the encouraging words you said, I’m grateful that you forced me to agree to tell Taehyung everything on Jae’s seventh birthday, because I think I’ll be completely ready to tell him by then.”
“Chaeyeon-ah…”
“I’m grateful for you for looking over Jae all this time, for continuing to fund for Jae even though I am here and well now, even though I asked you not to… Thank you for treating him well like your own, and for loving my sister the way you do.”
Jimin looks all choked up at my words, face flushing a little red when I mention the last part.
“I did nothing! I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Jimin says, the screen going black and I laugh because I can tell he needs some time to compose himself, so I wait until he lifts his phone up again and looks at me.
“I’m so grateful for you, Park Jiminie-ah. Thank you for being such a close friend, thank you for being such a good uncle to Jaehyung, and thank you for being such a wonderful boyfriend for Chaeyoung.”
“How long have you known about this, oh my God. This is embarrassing. I didn’t mean to not tell you, but… aargh this is embarrassing.”
“I’m the sister, so of course I’d find out.” I giggle, and Jimin sighs, chuckling a little before he nods.
“You’re welcome, Chaeyeon-ah. I didn’t do all these because I’m nice. All my feelings are genuine. What’s the next thing you wanted to tell?”
It makes me a little nervous, sighing a little before I ask if Taehyung is around.
Jimin’s eyes go wide at that, head tilting to the left before he focuses his look at the screen again.
“He’s in the next room. Probably reading some manhwa.”
“Can you let me speak to him a little?”
My sentence is not even halfway finished when Jimin gets up on his feet, dashing out to the lobby of the hotel they’re staying at and then I hear muffled noises while he covers the screen for a little.
And then, the screen is uncovered, and he has no makeup on, but Kim Taehyung smiles at the screen and he’s so beautiful that I can barely get myself to say hello.
“Chaeyeon-ah… Hi.”
“Hi, Taehyungie. Happy birthday.”
Taehyung’s smile goes wider and I see his teeth as he gives his infamous boxy smile at me as he mumbles a little ‘thank you’.
“This means a lot to me, honestly. I didn’t expect this at all,” Taehyung speaks, “I sent you a letter for your birthday but I don’t think it reached you on time.”
“I received it. And I wanted to wait till today to say thank you.”
“God. I love you so much, Chaeyeon-ah. It isn’t fair.”
I’m thinking of what to say in response when I hear the front door opening. Jaehyung must be home with Chaeyoung after their outing to the beach, and I turn back to the screen.
“I… I have to go. I have to go, but I promise I’ll talk with you soon.”
“I’ll wait for you.”
“And… Jimin has my number. You can… yeah.”
“I’ll do that, Chaeyeon-ah.”
I hear the noise of Jaehyung’s footsteps on the staircase, and I give an awkward wave at the screen, mumbling a low ‘goodbye’ before I can hang up the phone right before the boy opens the door.
My heart doesn’t stop racing even after dinner and Jaehyung is all tucked in bed.
A text arrives at my phone, and all it says is ‘hi’, but it makes me smile, knowing who it was from. And that gives me an idea as I glance at Jaehyung who is reading a storybook.
“Jae-ah?”
“Yes, Eomma?” He asks, putting the book down and turning to look at me.
“Come here for a bit.”
Jaehyung looks a little surprised, but puts his book on the blanket before he walks to my bed and then gets up onto the duvet.
“What’s wrong, Eomma?”
“Nothing is wrong. Do you know what day it is?”
“It’s December… 30th?”
My hands are trembling a little as I put my smartphone down and look at the child wearing banana print pajamas matching my own, and my heart almost gives out before I can finally say the words out.
“Today is your Appa’s birthday.”
“Oh….?” There’s a look of confusion on his face as he squints is eyes.
“Today is the birthday of your Appa. Can you run and bring me my laptop so I can show you a picture of him from one of his birthdays from before?”
Jaehyung has never moved as fast as he did then, dashing towards my desk and taking the laptop, and I when I connect the memory card that was previously in the camera Jaehyung owns now, my hands begin to tremble in excitement.
I press the first picture that was in the camera roll, and my heart is so full as I see the picture Taehyung had captured of the two of us.
Taehyung is making his infamous peace sign, hand against his face while he smiles and holds the camera. And we both have barely any makeup on, looking slightly grubby in our oversized clothing and hoodies while we tried to blend with the rest of the people at the café we were at… But we both had been smiling so brightly as if nothing else mattered, and while I watch Jaehyung’s eyes widen while he looks at the picture on display, I can tell that nothing else mattered for him, as well.
“Appa…”
“Your Appa is called Kim Taehyung. He’s a member of BTS.” I say quietly, and Jaehyung extends a hand out, hand resting against the screen where Taehyung’s face is smiling at. He takes a couple more moments to study the picture with a shocked expression on his face, and then he turns to face me with big blinking eyes.
“That is Appa?”
“Yes. So yes, Jimin knows your Appa.”
“Jimin-hyungnim… Taehyung-hyungnim is not my hyungnim, but he’s my Appa?”
I give a nod, ruffling Jaehyung’s dark hair as he looks at me with his lips pursed a little. “Yes. Do you understand me a little, Jae-ah? This is why I can’t really talk about this, this is why I can’t let you meet your Appa just yet, because he’s famous and busy all the time and we can’t ruin his career.”
“Why would my presence ruin Appa’s career?”
“Because his fans might get upset.”
“Because they don’t like me?” Jaehyung queries, and that’s a difficult question to respond to because the actual answer could be yes, but I couldn’t tell him that.
“Because they don’t know you, and you appeared out of nowhere.”
“I didn’t appear out of nowhere, I was always here.” Jaehyung mumbles softly. I can tell from the way his eyes head down to his fingers which he was fumbling with, that he was a little upset.
“Yeah. It’s going to take some time. But I want you to be happy because your Appa is a wonderful person and he’s going to love you. You want to meet Appa and show him the pictures you took, don’t you?”
Jaehyung looks up from his fingers, glancing at me before he turns to look at the picture once again, and a small smile forms on his face when he presses the right arrow and finds another picture of Taehyung laughing, which I had captured.
“Appa and I have alike names. I really like Appa. He invented Tata.” Jaehyung says, pointing at his plushie resting on his duvet.
“Yes, Appa is a nice person. And I want you to be happy about knowing who your Appa is, because I’m excited for your birthday when you can finally meet him.”
“I’m excited too, Eomma. Oh… Today really is Appa’s birthday, I saw those billboard adverts when I was out today even!”
“Yes, Jae-ah. It is Appa’s birthday.”
“Can I make a birthday card for Appa?” He wants to know.
“Go ahead.”
Jaehyung gets off from my bed, putting away my laptop and then taking out his coloring box and markers. When I tell him not to stay up for long, he tells me he won’t, even though I know he would.
The next morning, when I wake up, there’s a small envelope with the words ‘For my Appa’, resting on the desk beside my laptop.
>
As the days passed on, Jaehyung spends more time writing, rather than anything else. By mid-April and for his new school year to start, he has twelve letters written out in careful Hangul.
“When I get to meet Appa, I can give these to him.” Jaehyung says, as he puts down another letter into the small drawer under the desk. “I didn’t write every day because Appa is a celebrity and he must be very busy all the time.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you.”
“Noona is out with Jimin-hyungnim, I wonder if Appa has an off day today, too.”
“I bet he does, too.”
“Eomma, do you talk to Appa?”
The question sounds too delicate to answer, because I do converse with Taehyung occasionally via texts, but I couldn’t get myself to do another video call, much less a voice call, since his birthday. Perhaps it was the overwhelming feelings that I had on his birthday that got me the guts to call him then, but Taehyung sounds fine over text as well, not prying into my life even though he mentions that he has a countdown going on for June.
And when he asked if there was an exact date and I told him it was the 10th, he doesn’t question it.
He doesn’t question it, but instead, he simply tells me that he will wait.
“Sometimes. I think I can talk better with him after he meets you.” I let him know, and the boy gives me an understanding nod. “Since Chaeyoung is out, do you want to go out and eat somewhere, today?”
“Yeah! Can I bring my camera along?”
Jaehyung is fast to run upstairs to pick his camera when I nod, and the day is windy while the two of us make our way out to one of our mutual favorite restaurants that serve spicy ramyeon.
That’s a point where Jaehyung is different from his father and alike me; Taehyung couldn’t handle too much spicy food, unlike the two of us.
The meal is over before long, and I follow Jaehyung as we make our way out of the restaurant. It’s when he stops and steps aside, that I look at him in confusion, and he mumbles something under his breath which makes me have to ask him to repeat himself.
“You go first, Eomma.”
It’s a tiny action, but it makes my heart feel warm in ways I can’t express even if I tried to, and when we step outside onto the street, Jaehyung holds onto the corner of my coat and gives me a satisfied smile.
It makes me pull his clutch from my coat away, and when I take hold of his hand instead, Jaehyung’s big eyes go a little wide, and he continues to watch me until we head back home.
The day is warm and the air-conditioning unit is on low while Jaehyung tucks himself to bed and says the two sentences he never fails to repeat every night.
“Goodnight, Eomma. I love you.”
2
There’s a cake on the counter, decorated with seven green candles when Jaehyung steps downstairs, and he has a big grin on his face while he watches me and Chaeyoung clap our hands and sing him the birthday song.
And he’s a bit teary-eyed while he blows the candles and looks at us with a wide smile, the sounds of laughter filling the living room while we eat cake.
While Chaeyoung brings out her present for the boy, I head upstairs to get ready for bed. There’s a message waiting for me, and it’s from Taehyung, and it sends chills down my spine in positive excitement.
‘It’s the 10th of June.’
‘Can you pay me a visit tomorrow evening?’
It takes a while before I receive a reply.
‘Where? At your house?’
‘Yes.’
‘Alright. I talked to our manager and he says he can free it for me. I did ask for a leave for this date so I’m pretty sure I can go.’
Before I can respond, Jaehyung knocks on the door before he opens it, entering the room with a box of watercolors and a big smile on his features as he walks in. When I put my phone down and turn to face him, he puts his present on the desk and looks at me with his face filled with anticipation.
“It’s my birthday, Eomma.”
“Yes, it is. Are you ready for tomorrow?”
“Yes, I am!” Jaehyung exclaims, pulling out the small stack of letters he’s written for Taehyung. “I have some things I painted and drew, too! Do you think Appa will like them?”
“I’m sure Appa will love them. Now hurry, get dressed and get on your bed. It’s time to sleep.”
Jaehyung nods, putting the stack back in the desk drawer, and he hurries to brush his teeth before he gets back on his bed.
“Eomma?”
“Yeah?”
“No wonder Chaeyoung-noona got me a Tata plushie.”
>
Jaehyung’s birthday is a windy Thursday, and the museum gives me the day off after lunch break on occasion of the child’s birthday. After he finishes school, we walk back home with takeout, and Jaehyung gives me a knowing look when we finish dinner and he still hasn’t met his father.
“When?” He finally asks, and it’s 7pm and Chaeyoung has long ago retired to her room to finish some work from the hospital.
“I have a lot of things to talk with your Appa before I can let you meet him,” I let him know, when I see Taehyung’s text that he was in his car on his way here, “So I want you to be patient and wait with Chaeyoung-noona until I call you. Will you do that for me?”
“Yes, okay Eomma. Can I borrow your laptop to pick out some pictures for Appa, meanwhile?”
“Sure.”
Jaehyung gives an affirmative nod before he takes my laptop and hurries to dash to Chaeyoung’s room.
“Jae-ah?”
“Yes, Eomma?” He asks, hugging my laptop in his clutches as he turns to look at me.
“I love you.”
It takes a moment for my words to sink in, and I notice the way my laptop shakes in his clutches as he scrunches his face and walks up to me, looking up at me with a tearful expression before he wraps one hand around me.
“I love you too, Eomma. That’s the first time you told me that. Thank you. This is already the best birthday of mine.” He says, wiping his face while I ruffle his hair and give him a smile.
“Now go ahead,” I say, hearing the knock at the front door. “And keep your promise, no coming out of Chaeyoung’s room until I say so. No peeking.”
“Okay, Eomma.” He says, and then he goes inside my sister’s room while I sigh and make my way down the stairs.
My hands are shaking as I open the door, and I can barely hold myself upright while I take in Taehyung looking at me, a scarf around the bottom half of his face like the last time. And he looks so, so beautiful, and he looks so, so much like Jaehyung that my legs feel like jelly when I step aside and allow the man to enter.
Taehyung nods, taking off his shoes and leaving them at the cabinet, and his coat makes a squeaky noise when he bends down and stands upright, eyes never leaving me as he follows me out to the living room. He waits cautiously till I motion for him to take a seat at the couch, and then he takes off his coat and sits down, brown sweatpants paired with his cream sweater making me feel so overwhelmed that I have to excuse myself to bring him something to drink.
“I’m fine, you don’t need to bring me anything, Chaeyeon-ah, just sit here with me.”
“I… I intend to keep you here for a while tonight, so… please wait.” I say, and then I head to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and pulling out the jug of vanilla bean latte that I had made earlier. And while I pour the drink into two mugs and bring them out to the living room, I am reminded time and again about how much Taehyung had in common with Jaehyung – the two even shared their favorite drinks.
“Is this what I think it is?”
“Yeah, your favorite.” I let him know, and Taehyung smiles, accepting the mug and taking a sip.
It’s silent for a couple moments after that, the two of us not really looking at each other or speaking, instead taking small sips from our mugs. And when Taehyung slightly loses his stiffness and shifts himself so that he is facing me, I know exactly what he wants to say.
“I’m here to listen. Tell me.”
My hands are shaking as I put the mug on the coffee table and turn to face the man, and by God, Taehyung looks so beautiful that it’s hard to keep eye contact with him for too long, and I have to look at his arms which he has crossed over his chest while he leans against the couch.
“Remember how I told you that I had to leave you because I didn’t want to ruin your career?”
“I didn’t come here for you to repeat the same things over again, Chaeyeon-ah.”
“Please just listen to me, Taehyungie.” I say, and my heart hurts a little while I look at his face, his dark hair growing out up to the base of his neck, and he looks so wonderful while he looks slightly confused at my words. “It’s been almost eight years, seven of which I knew I had to tell you this, but it’s so hard for me. I want you to try and understand me.”
“Okay. I’m listening, Chaeyeon-ah.” Taehyung says, and he uncrosses his arms, offering his hands out towards me. My heart is racing while I put my hands in his, and the way he inches a little closer to me and waits for me to speak makes it hard to say anything, much less think straight.
“How do I begin to explain everything to you, Taetae-ah? I’ve been thinking that I can hide this from you for the rest of our lives, that we can be together in our next life, even though we couldn’t be in this…” I say, and Taehyung tenses a little, eyebrows furrowing as I continue, “I didn’t want to ruin your career that you worked so hard for, because we live in Korea and your fans always get riled up even when something as simple as a dating rumor arises.”
“Our fans did have suspicions that I was dating someone, but no one really found out that it was you that I was dating… How does this relate to your reason?”
“Taehyungie, for the past seven years, I’ve been, kind of… I’ve been raising a child.”
Taehyung’s grip on my hand tightens, and it’s painful enough that I can sense my hands bruising, his grip is that tight while his eyes go wide.
“W-What?! Chaeyeon-ah, you told me you didn’t cheat on m-”
“I didn’t cheat on you, Taehyung-ah.”
“You… You got married after you dumped me?”
“Dumped is a harsh word…” I say, looking away from his all scrunched up face and trying to break free from his grip. Taehyung, sensing this, grips tighter, and when I look at his face again, I can see his eyes clouding a little.
“That’s what you did.”
“Taehyung-ah, I didn’t get married. But yes, I’m raising my child.”
“So that kid was yours… God, Chaeyeon-ah, you got a child out of wedlock?”
“We got a child out of wedlock, Taehyung-ah. We. You and I.”
It feels like a very heavy burden had been lifted off from my chest when I finally say this, and I can look at Taehyung in the eyes as his eyes light up again, widening as he blinks rapidly and I can feel his hands trembling while his lips part a little. I have a million thoughts running through my head, one of it being why on Earth I’d waited this long to finally tell the love of my life that we had a wonderful child together.
“W-What are y-you saying….?” He stutters, and I have never, ever seen Taehyung’s eyes so wide before in the ten or so years I’d known him. It’s comforting, the way I can smile and pat his hair while he begins to shake underneath my touch.
“Would you like to meet him?”
“I have a child?! That too, a boy?” Taehyung yells, and I press a finger to my lips, hushing him a little. This only makes Taehyung’s eyes widen even more as he glances towards the staircase, then back at me again. “He… He’s here?”
“Of course he’s here, he’s my child after all.”
“How can I be… sure that he really is my child…?”
It’s a question I had surely expected, but it still makes my heart hurt a little, anyways.
“You just need to give him one look. It’s hard to miss… Anyone who knows you can tell that he’s your child.”
“Chaeyeon-ah, how could you not tell me something as important as this by just- I want to see him!” Taehyung gets up, and even though he looks excited, I can still feel him trembling a little, the shock too sudden for him.
“Please calm down first, he’s upstairs so you can meet him. But calm down first and talk with me before you meet him. It’s his birthday today, and we don’t want to shock him too much, do we?”
“Oh my God. It’s his birthday today?” Taehyung slips back down on the couch, eyes wavering as he looks at my face, at my hands, before he shakes his head in frustration. “How could you hide something like this from me?”
“Please understand where I am coming from, Taehyungie. I barely started my senior year at college when I found out, it was my most important year. It was an important year for you, too, because that was when you guys released Wings, and you were so busy with your world tour and you guys were finally getting the acknowledgement that you deserved.”
“Chaeyeon-ah, what-”
“And you got nominated for a Billboard award too. For the first time. If people found out you were dating me, and then found out that I was pregnant on top of that, it would have ruined your entire career, Taehyungie. You worked so many years for that, and I-”
“It doesn’t matter to me. I would choose my child over my career-”
“And that’s exactly why I had to break up with you, Taehyung-ah. Because I knew you loved me so much, I knew you would choose me and our child over your career, but don’t you understand? You aren’t on your own, your actions reflect all six of the other members of Bangtan.”
Taehyung stays silent after I say that, eyes on his shoes while he has a big frown on his face. Tears begin to stream down his face and it’s a difficult sight to see, such a beautiful and handsome man crying so much.
“I… How can I ruin seven lives just like that? And it’s not only seven, what about all the hard work all your managers and Bang-pdnim had put on you? It was the best this way, Taehyungie, I didn’t want to tell you about this, ever. I wanted to live like this for as long as Bangtan goes on, if not, longer…”
“How did Jiminie find out?”
“He visited me at work and he found out. I had to beg him not to tell you, even though he wanted me to.”
Taehyung grits his teeth together, and I can see anger bubbling up in his eyes as he speaks. “Jimin didn’t tell me even though he knew something like this?”
“Don’t get angry with Jiminie, Taetae-ah… I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Jiminie. He told me that he understood where I was coming from, but he gave me a deadline… Today.”
“Today?”
“He told me that he didn’t want to hide something as major as this from you, but he will wait till the seventh birthday of our child so that I can tell you this myself… Like I’m doing right now.”
By the end of my sentence, Taehyung wipes his face clear from the tears, and his eyes are reddened as he looks at me and tries to compose himself.
“And like I said, I wouldn’t be here if Jimin wasn’t here for me. He supported me and didn’t tell me I was bad for taking this decision. I know it’s bad, but I needed someone to understand why I was doing what I did.”
“I’m not angry at you for what happened, I’m so upset that I didn’t know I have a child until so many years passed… I wish you told me, I wish Jiminie told me, I wish…”
“After Jiminie did that, and even when I left for my Master’s degree, he continued funding for our child even when I told him it was fine, he did that even when I came back two years later and got a job even. Jimin said it was his responsibility because he was your best friend, and… And… Taehyungie,” I say, my voice breaking a little, “Jae-ah has grown up to be such a wonderful little boy, just like you.”
“J-Jae?”
“Kim Jaehyung.”
Taehyung’s a man and he has ego and he tries his best not to cry unless he has to, but it seemed like right now, he couldn’t handle the overwhelming feelings he was feeling then, and he breaks out crying, not quietening down even when I wrap my arms around him.
“I’m so glad you’re not leaving, I don’t want you to do anything or change anything. I’m just glad you’re not angry, I’m glad you’re staying, Taehyung-ah.”
“I want to meet him.” Taehyung mumbles, blinking up at me while I wipe his face and rest my hand against his chin. “God, you must have been suffering a lot by yourself, haven’t you? You must be so angry with me, you… Oh God, Chaeyeon-ah, how did… I’m the worst father.”
Running my hands through his hair, I hush the man, and I feel overwhelmed as I ask him to follow me upstairs. And it feels like the first time that Taehyung holds my hand, but he’s done that so many times and yet I’m so nervous while we walk upstairs and he enters my room.
“This here,” I say, pointing at Jaehyung’s bed, “Is where he sleeps. We share this room.”
Taehyung’s gaze follows to where I point at, and I feel his eyes softening when he sees the sole Tata plushie sitting by Jaehyung’s pillows.
“He’s got Tata even…”
“And, he also makes his bed every day.”
“Unlike me.” Taehyung jokes, and I laugh, feeling a little better to see him loosening up a little. And yet, when I ask him to take a seat at my bed and wait while I get Jaehyung, I can feel him tensing up again.
“Where is he at?”
“He’s with Chaeyoung. I’ll bring him.”
“I haven’t met Chaeyoung in ages, too…” I hear him say, and I give him a nod before I step outside to the hallway and walk towards Chaeyoung’s room. My heart is racing as I open the door, and Jaehyung is seated at the desk, using my laptop while Chaeyoung is sprawled on her bed with her own laptop.
“Chae-ah?”
I glance at Jaehyung, whose big eyes blink continuously, waiting for me to speak. Instead, I step inside, sitting on Chaeyoung’s bed and my sister sits up and looks at me.
“What is it?”
“He’s… In my room. Chae-ah, can you give me a few minutes with Jae, and go say hello to Taehyungie?” I ask. Chaeyoung nods, closing the lid of her laptop and sitting up instantly.
“I was hoping I could meet him for a bit.” She says, and then she leaves the room, and I can see Jaehyung’s eyes on me.
“Ready to meet Appa?”
“I have a pen drive of pictures I took, for Appa.” He says, closing the lid of my laptop and getting off the chair. “Eomma, I don’t need the books on the chair at the kitchen anymore, right? I’m seven now.”
“Yeah, you don’t. You’re a big boy now, right?” I say, and Jaehyung nods, reaching his hand out towards me and I take it. And it makes me so nervous while I hold onto my laptop with one hand and to my child’s hand with my other as we step outside my sister’s room. My hands are trembling when Chaeyoung steps outside, and it makes me feel a little better that Jaehyung looks as nervous as me and that I’m not the only one.
Taehyung’s eyes are wide and set on the two of us as we both step inside. It’s amusing to some extent, the way I let go of Jaehyung’s hand, and the boy quietly walks to the desk and puts the pen drive and his camera safely on the desk, eyes never leaving Taehyung as he does so. When I put my laptop away, Taehyung motions for Jaehyung to come over near him, and the boy glances at me before he walks towards him quietly.
“Hi,” Taehyung speaks first, sitting down on the floor to reach up to eye-level with the little boy, “My name is Kim Taehyung. What’s yours?”
“Jaehyung. I’m Kim Jaehyung, and I’m seven years old.”
Taehyung smiles so widely at that, his hands reaching to hold onto both of Jaehyung’s shoulders, and it looks like he’s at a loss of words, unable to notice when I sit down at Jaehyung’s neatly-made bed.
“Eomma told me that you’re my Appa.” Jaehyung mumbles, and he has such a beautiful smile on his face that is like a mirror-image of Taehyung’s at that same moment, and perhaps he felt the same thing too, because Taehyung nods, showing his teeth as he grins.
“Yeah. I’m your Appa.” Taehyung says, and then he wraps his arms around Jaehyung, pulling him into a tight hug which the child instantly reciprocates, their sobs simultaneous in unison and it makes the tears welling in my own eyes to stream down as well.
It’s after a few more moments when the two calm down, and Jaehyung is the first one to do so, breaking away from their hug before he speaks. “Appa, I have something for you.”
“Yeah?”
Jaehyung walks towards the desk where I am seated at, beaming at me while he opens the drawer and pulls out the letters and his sketchbook, then picking up his pen drive before he walks towards Taehyung again.
“I made these for you, Appa.”
“Oh? What are these?” Taehyung asks, taking the letters in hand and taking a glance at the sketch pad.
“Those are letters I started to write for you.”
“You wrote me letters? I’m very touched… I didn’t write anything for you, though.” Taehyung says, his face falling a little as he glances at me, then at Jaehyung.
“It’s okay. Even I was able to start writing and drawing things for you because Eomma told me who you are.”
“Yeah?” Taehyung says, and his phone begins to buzz while I search for a bag to put the things Jaehyung had given. “Looks like I have to go for today, even though I really want to stay for longer and talk to you all night, Jaehyung-ah.”
“It’s okay. I know you’re busy, Appa.”
“Jaehyung-ah, I love when you call me Appa.”
“That’s because you are my Appa, after all.” Jaehyung states. Taehyung exchanges a glance with me as he chuckles in his deep baritone, accepting the bag I hand and putting everything Jaehyung had given to him inside the bag.
“I’m going to have to go home right now, but as soon as I do, I will read all these.” Taehyung says, lifting the bag a little, and the child smiles at him proudly. “Is there a reason you gave me a sketchbook too?”
“Eomma told me that you like to draw. And that you also like to take pictures. I used the camera you gave Eomma and took some pictures. They’re in the pen drive I gave.”
Taehyung looks like he is trying his hardest not to cry while he gives a nod, ruffling Jaehyung’s hair before pulling the child towards him into an embrace again.
“You think I can take him out for ice cream tomorrow evening?” Taehyung asks me, and Jaehyung looks at me with wide eyes in anticipation as well.
“I don’t see why not.” I say, and the way the two cheer and exchange a high-five is so natural that it’s painful in a way that I can’t even mind at all.
“Jae-ah, say goodbye to Appa for now and get ready for bed, okay?”
“Okay. Goodnight Appa. Will I see you tomorrow?” Jaehyung asks, and Taehyung nods, giving the child another hug, before he stands up.
“Of course. See you later, Jae-ah.”
“Bye bye, Appa.”
“Oh my God. I love that so much.” Taehyung tells me, watching the way the boy heads to the washroom to get ready for bed.
“Which part?” I ask, while he follows me down the stairs.
“Every part. Especially the part where he calls me Appa.” Taehyung tells me, handing me the bag while he puts his shoes on. “He looks like me, Chaeyeon-ah. He even has those three moles on his face just like I do!”
“So you noticed, too?”
“You were right, Chaeyeon-ah. There’s no doubt that Jae-ah is our child… What do you want me to do about this? Because I want to tell the world that I have the most wonderful child on the planet, but I understand where you’re coming from, too.”
I don’t know how to respond to that, handing the bag to Taehyung as we step outside to the porch.
“Only Jiminie knows about Jae, right? Hoseokie-hyung and the others don’t know?”
“Yeah.”
“I will talk to them. I will talk to Pd-nim, I’ll tell them. And after a while, after I hang out with Jae more, I’ll hold a press conference. I intend to take Jae out to a lot of places, because I’ve missed out a lot of years of his life, and we are bound to be spotted by our fans. I don’t want the public to manipulate what they see and write something bad, it’s better I tell them myself.”
“But Taehyungie…”
“Trust me.” Taehyung says, his eyes on the bag in his clutches. “This is the best for me, and I want you to trust me, the way I’ve trusted in you for all these years. Can’t you give me that much credit?”
“I… I trust you, Taetae-ah… But…”
“Please just rest for now, Chaeyeon-ah. Thank you for letting me meet Jaehyungie who is just like me in so many ways. I’m so glad you listened to Jiminie. Now, listen to me, and get some rest, and trust me.”
“Okay.”
“I love you.” He says, one hand pressed against my cheek before he presses a soft kiss to my lips. “Are we okay, now?”
“As long as you’re okay with this.”
“I am more than okay with this. I hope you understand that this is my dream, and I get to live it because of you.”
“I love you too, Taehyung-ah.”
The male in front of me smiles, closing his eyes when I press my lips against his cheek. And then, he gets on the car that’s waiting for him, waving until the car leaves the neighborhood, and I don’t recall a time before where I felt so whole, before.
“Eomma?”
“Yes?” I ask, glancing at Jaehyung who stands at the top of the staircase when I get back inside the house.
“I really like Appa.”
“Appa really likes you too.” I say, and Jaehyung follows me inside our room, closing the door while I sit down on my bed. “He told me he loves it when you call him Appa.”
“He is my Appa. That’s why. And I can’t wait to go for ice cream with Appa tomorrow.”
“Well then, you should try to sleep so that you can wake up quickly, tomorrow, right? Appa is going to fetch you from school, after all.”
“This is the best birthday ever. Thank you Eomma.”
“This is the best day ever for me too, Jae-ah.”
3
Jaehyung arrives from school the next evening with two more things in addition to a big smile and his father.
He has a plastic bag holding a graphics tablet and a smart phone.
“Taehyung-ah, what are you doing?!” I cry, after the child goes upstairs to get changed and ready for dinner. “You can’t just buy expensive stuff like that out of the blue and spoil the child, because you’re rich! I don’t want Jaehyung’s personality to change, he’s really good as he is.”
“Chaeyeon-ah, I’m not doing this to spoil him. The graphics tablet is my birthday present for him, because he’s done some amazing sketches in that book he gave me last night.” Taehyung explains, taking a sip from the glass of water in front of him. “And I got him a phone because I want to talk to my kid, okay? I may be busy a lot of the time, but when I’m free, I want to be able to contact both you and Jae. I’m not going to spoil him, trust me with this.”
I sigh, closing my eyes as I sink into the chair beside Taehyung’s. “So? Did you talk to the members?”
“I had a meeting with the members, yes. They were surprised, all except Jiminie, of course.”
“Oh, God.”
“For starters, the members said they would like to meet Jae-ah. I told them that they can’t meet him before I get to know him better.”
I sigh at Taehyung’s childish behavior, and it’s then that Jaehyung comes out of our room after changing. When he sees Taehyung and I speaking, he simply gives a smile in acknowledgement before he walks near Chaeyoung who is making pasta for dinner.
“He’s really a mature kid, isn’t he?”
“He really is.” I respond. “Taehyung, are you really fine with the way things are?”
“Chaeyeon-ah, that’s my line to ask you. Pd-nim says he is okay with me getting married to you, even though it’s a bit early-”
“Good God, Taehyungie. You met Jae just yesterday!”
“He’s not hard to love, and you two are family. So I told him that yeah I do want marry you, but then there’s the-”
I hush Taehyung, shaking my head to make him stop talking continuously. “Look. Let’s take all this at our own pace? I am fine with the way things are, I’m more than happy that you’re hanging out with both Jae and me, and when the time comes, we’ll know what to do, right?”
“Okay. But I’m still going to hold the press-conference. I can’t take Jae to Lotte World before that, right? Last night, I made a big list of places to take Jae with me, and Jungkookie said I should take him along when we go bowling but I said no because it’s just about me and Jae for now-”
“Dinner’s ready!” Chaeyoung sings from the kitchen, and I sigh, getting up and holding my hand out for the male.
“You really talk a lot, Taetae-ah.”
“I know. Please don’t mind that. Oh, I almost forgot. The next day I have an off, can the two of us go out on a date?”
When I blink up at him surprise, Taehyung chuckles, standing up before he speaks. “I love Jae with all my heart but you’re my girlfriend. And I love you too, so we need to go somewhere together too, don’t you think? Hmm, the three of us can go somewhere only after my press conference, so maybe I should use my next off day for the conference inst-”
“Appa! Eomma! Noona’s calling you for dinner!” Jaehyung calls, and Taehyung gives me a genuinely warm smile before he takes my hand and we walk into the kitchen.
The fact that Taehyung called me and Jaehyung a part of his family makes me so overwhelmed that I can barely eat, listening to every word that the two exchange about their day and their excessively alike similarities.
>
Taehyung loses a lot of fans after his press conference.
The number of followers that BTS has on twitter decreases a bit as well, not too much to affect the major total, but enough to be able to notice that his conference was the sole reason for it.
There are comments all over social media calling Jaehyung and I various hurtful names, but Taehyung consoles me, telling me that he doesn’t mind, even though so many of his fans had left.
Jimin is comforting me as well, watching Hoseok and Seokjin play a board game with Jaehyung. It’s only when Namjoon comes up to me and talks to me, that I wonder who it was between the two of us, who majored in language, because Namjoon knows all the right things to say when I still struggle with it.
“The fans who left us, we can’t really call them fans. Or maybe they’re just upset but will understand Taehyung better, later. I hope they do.” Namjoon says, and Jungkook, who sits beside him nods at me.
“Hyung is right, Chaeyeon-noona.” Jungkook pipes in. “I’m sure everything will be fine.”
“I want you to focus on the amount of fans you helped us gain, as well. I know how taboo it is that you and Taehyung got a child without being married, and the fact that you didn’t talk about Jaehyung until recently is there as well, but… That shows how brave you are. I want you to see the positive threads on Twitter instead of being sad about the immature fans.” Namjoon expresses.
“Taehyung-hyung has been receiving a lot of nice messages on the fancafe too. I saw him reading them after the conference because he was upset with the stats at first. But the ones on the fancafe are more positive., so hyung stopped reading the ones on Twitter for now.”
“Jungkook is right. You should focus on the positive things. Because I know this will be a life lesson for a lot of the youth here in our society. The youth who’s scared and struggles like you every day. Knowing that someone like Taehyungie had to go through the same will be a motivation, and I don’t want you to feel burdened, Chaeyeon-ah. You did well.”
“Namjoon-oppa… Thank you so much.” I say, and he gives me a smile in return.
“And Jae is really smart, too! The kid knows more English than Taehyung, himself.”
“I heard that! I told you, I’m trying!” Taehyung yells from where he’s seated beside Jaehyung on the floor, and we laugh.
“How do you feel, Chaeyeon-ah?”
“I’m scared, Jiminie,” I respond, watching Jungkook and Namjoon going to join the rest of the members in the game. “I’m scared about what might come ahead, but I’m also happy because I’ve never been as happy before.”
“You’ve worked hard, Chaeyeon-ah, Joonie-hyung was right. I’d know, I’ve known from the start-”
“You, quit rubbing that off over everyone here, you little pipsqueak.” A voice says, and the two of us turn around to see Yoongi making his way towards us and sitting on the couch.
“I’m not a pipsqueak! If I was, then you are too! And I really did know from the start!”
“Sure, sure. Now, Chaeyeon-ah, what else do you feel?” Yoongi asks, taking his smartphone out and opening the notes application. He gives me an expectant look before Jimin punches his arm.
“Hyung! Stop trying to make lyrics out of every situation!” Jimin has a horrified expression on his face, and from the way Yoongi laughs, I can tell that he’d done that to cheer me up. And it works, because the three of us are laughing so much that even Jaehyung looks up from the game board and asks what’s so funny.
The day ends in laughs and smiles, and Taehyung goes so far as to take a selfie with Jaehyung that he uploads, a purple heart emoji being the only caption that he adds.
Taehyung drives with us as he drops the two of us home, and Jaehyung gives his father a big hug before he waves and goes upstairs to get ready for bed. When I turn to glance at Taehyung, he smiles and takes hold of my hands, teeth showing as he beams.
“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?”
“We really did.”
“I can’t imagine my life without you and Jaehyung now.”
I give him a nod, the emotions inside my heart overwhelming enough that I can’t say anything in response.
“Thank you for trusting me. I hope this was a lesson you learned, that life will give you good things if you’re patient and not lose sight of the most important things along the road. I hope you won’t hide anything from me again.
“Thank you for loving me despite everything.”
“Of course. Ah, Jae is looking at us, look.” Taehyung says, pointing at the window at the first floor where Jaehyung has his face pressed against. “Seriously, he’s so much like me, it’s still a wonder to me.”
“Yeah, he is. How do you think I feel every day? I don’t even have time to miss you, because all I need to do is to see Jae’s face.”
Taehyung laughs at that, wrapping his arms around me and giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“Are you okay with this? That I live with the members, and visit you guys like this?”
“This is more than enough for me, trust me.” I say, patting his hair, and Taehyung looks at me for a bit before he speaks next. “And I think it’s best this way.”
“Hey, that reminds me… We’re having the Chuseok holiday off. I was thinking of going to Daegu with you two. Think you two can take the week off so we can go visit your parents and mine, and go to the beach together?”
My lips are trembling while I look up at the love of my life with teary eyes, the amount of happiness still difficult for me to comprehend that I was really deserving of. But with the way Taehyung smiles at me like I’m the stars to his sky makes me nod, waving goodbye to him with my heart feeling so full of hope.
It still makes me sad that I had been so horrible of a mother to the boy at first, but as I watch the way Jaehyung softly snores in his sleep while holding his Tata plushie, I doubt I would have loved him as much as I do now, if that didn’t happen before.
Taehyung’s right: Everything in life happens for a reason.