Chapter Text
#262
Jungkook remembers everything, suddenly, when he's 15 and shoving his lunch down his throat. He almost chokes on it, and it's serious enough that his friends are looking at him with concern in their eyes instead of teasing him like they always do.
"Are you okay?" They ask, with different tones in their different voices.
"Yeah," Jungkook replies hoarsely, hunched over himself, "im fine.
One of them isn't convinced. He probably noticed the glazed look in Jungkook's eyes. "Are you sure," he pries, "what even happened?"
Jungkook's quick in darting his eyes away and he jams his hand between his thighs to hide their faint trembling.
"It's nothing," he insists.
It's everything.
-
Jungkook is 27 and he's never met Yoongi. He's never stopped looking but people are hard to find when u don't know their name, their friends, or the place of work. What Jungkook knows: the edges of his smile, the dryness in his humor, the light in his eyes as he shakes with contained passion. It's useless.
And then he sees, a rising star, a quick wit idol, shining bright. Bright and out of reach, a figure made only to be admired. He goes through Yoongis interviews, his songs, his social media. And his heart sinks lower and lower as he realizes that the memories he holds of yoongi are no longer contained in a box for Jungkook's use.
There it is, the crinkle of the smile in selcas, in videos, preserved.
There it is, the dryness of his humor as the he talks his way into everybody's good graces. And they smile and laugh and lean over when they can't contain it.
There it is, the light in his eyes, of the love of Jungkook's life raps out passion from his very soul. The thing that hurts the most is that yoongis lyrics have no hidden meaning for Jungkook to grasp and hold on tightly to. No elements of their shared lives. These songs are about this yoongi, this life.
Where they can't meet.
Because yoongis a star and jungkooks just there, 27, the proud owner of a small flower shop, and it's not enough.