Chapter Text
This is the second day in a row in which Jihoon's beauty sleep has been rudely interrupted. Except, this time, it isn't a bossy Seungkwan wheedling at his apartment door, it's the sound of clamor and voices ringing out from the kitchen.
For a second, Jihoon is both alarmed and disoriented. He blinks blearily, trying to get a grasp on his surroundings. Where the hell is he? He's almost 99.5% positive that he doesn't own any Hello Kitty blankets, so he's not entirely sure why there's one draped over his body.
Fuck.
Jihoon's head clears a bit and he can finally make out the sounds coming from the kitchen.
Ah, right.
He's at Soonyoung's apartment.
Out of his peripheral vision, he sees his phone lying face down on the coffee table. Sluggishly, he reaches for it and wilts a little inside when he sees that it's merely the tender hour of 8 am.
He sits up with a heavy groan.
The voices resounding through the hallway pause for a second, and small footsteps come pattering his way.
"Ahjussi! Good morning!" She pounces on to him.
"Morning, Suhyang-ah." Jihoon reaches up to ruffle her hair
She beams at him, and offers him a bite of the egg pancake clutched in her hand.
"Thanks for the offer, but I'll kindly decline."
She pouts. "Is it because I bit it already? Here, you can have a part that I haven't touched yet."
Jihoon is grossly endeared, so he opts to take the portion that she holds out and nibbles at it. Truthfully, the pancake is actually really good and, as indicated by the insistent rumblings of his stomach, he is hungry. But he is also preoccupied by the fact that he may have very well over-stayed his welcome at an acquaintance's (at best!) house.
Before he can wallow in the anguish of deciding his next course of action, Soonyoung steps out from the kitchen, tastefully adorning a yellow Rilakkuma. He smiles exuberantly when he sees that Jihoon is sitting up.
"How'd you sleep last night? I hope the couch wasn't too uncomfortable."
Jihoon shakes his head. "No, no, I slept really well. Didn't wake up a single time." He pauses for a second, and then decides to bulldoze on. "You could've woken me up and sent me home - I feel like I'm intruding."
Soonyoung pulls an exaggerated, aghast face. "Of course not! You did me a huge favor last night, the least I could do was offer you shelter for a night." He laughs lightly. "Besides, you're very welcome here."
Jihoon hopes that his delighted and flustered reaction isn't too obvious.
"Ah...really, it was nothing. Suhyang is so easy to take care of."
The little girl, still situated on him, grins, chest puffing out proudly. "You hear that, daddy? I told you, I was on my best behavior."
Soonyoung scoffs jokingly. "You? You're a little rascal even on your best behavior."
Suhyang is indignant. "Nuh-uh! Take that back!"
"Nope!"
"Take it back!"
"You'll never make me!"
Suhyang sticks out her tongue, and Soonyoung imitates her, pulling the same ridiculous face.
Suhyang whips around at a break neck speed, startling Jihoon, who had been observing the interaction in silent bemusement. "Ahjussi! Tell him! I really, really was on my best behavior."
"Nuh-uh, nuh-uh. Using your cuteness as a power against people is strictly prohibited under this roof," Soonyoung tells her with dramatic seriousness. He strides across the living room and lifts her up by the arm pits. "That's just unfair."
Suhyang rolls her eyes. "You're just jealous because- because, you're not as cute as me."
"Maybe so..."
She nods confidently in response. "Not maybe; you're definitely jealous."
"The disrespect...and for your own dad..."
"Don't worry, daddy, I love you even though you're not as cute as me."
"How generous of you!"
Suhyang giggles and reaches out to pat Soonyoung's cheek.
"All right, all right, now you have to go finish eating your breakfast. And I mean all of it." Soonyoung sets her down on the ground gently. She gives him a small salute and scampers off towards the kitchen again.
As her small figure retreats, Soonyoung calls, "There better not be any vegetables hidden in your pockets afterwards."
Suhyang gives an begrudging hum of affirmation from the kitchen.
"I'm going to have to go check later anyways," Soonyoung says breezily to Jihoon. He laughs to himself a bit. "She's very impish."
Jihoon bites back a full-fledged grin and, instead, lets a tiny smile slip. "She's funny."
"Can't argue with that."
Jihoon laughs and absentmindedly pats his bedhead down a little. "Well, I should probably get going."
"Have some breakfast before you go- I insist!"
A part of his mind knows that he probably shouldn't, for the sake of preserving his own feelings and upholding social etiquette. The snide voice in the back of his brain tells him to not get attached to the father-daughter pair. After all, they're barely acquaintances and if Jihoon gets his hopes up, they could be dashed very, very easily. And then all he would be left with is shards of disillusionment.
It's so much easier to just not take the leap than risk disappointment. So much easier to stick to the safe side of the road, to ignore the branch in the path, to advert even the slightest possibility of a bad outcome.
People learn. If touching the sharp object draws blood, we don't touch it again. That's an incorrect statement. Jihoon amends it. Only fools and raving lunatics will go back to prick his finger again, and again.
Jihoon knows the possible outcome of allotting false hope to a potential relationship, be it platonic or romantic, he knows it as a drunkard knows his alcohol.
It'd be so easy.
One word.
Just say "no."
"I'd love to."
The upward curve of Soonyoung's lips sends Jihoon's heart tumbling.
Jihoon bemusedly watches Soonyoung, who is entirely distracted by his daughter. Suhyang has managed to spill her rice all over herself and also seems to be trying to carve a smiley face into a carrot. She seems rather less distressed than her father about the grains of rice covering her.
Meanwhile, Jihoon helps himself to portion of eggs.
"Just- Jihoon-ah, I'm just going to go help Suhyang into some clean clothes and get the rice out of her hair, please, feel free to eat whatever you'd like." Soonyoung heaves a surprisingly pliant Suhyang into his arms, wrinkling his nose when she uses her grubby hands to grab at his hair.
He playfully slaps her hands away. "Also, could you watch the kettle and make sure it doesn't boil over?"
Jihoon hums in acknowledgement and waves his hands at them, making a small shooing movement.
"Thanks," Soonyoung calls over his shoulder.
The food is really good and Jihoon tries to savor it. It's been a while since he's had actual, homemade food, considering he has the cooking skills of a lamppost.
A few minutes later, Soonyoung returns to the kitchen. "Everything good?" Suhyang is considerably cleaner than before. She seems to be eyeing the bowl of kimchi impishly. He grabs her hands before she can recreate the mess from before.
"Yep. Your cooking is amazing, by the way."
"Thanks." The corner of Soonyoung's eyes crinkle a bit and his hands slacken a bit at the compliment. Suhyang makes a desperate grab for a piece of kimchi.
"It's really nothing, though. I'm glad that you like it," Soonyoung continues as he sets Suhyang on the ground and pushes the vegetable dishes farther from the edge of the table, so that she can't reach them. "If you hadn't been available to come over, I don't know what I would've done."
"What happened last night that was so urgent?"
Soonyoung's face scrunches up cutely and he lets out a strangled groan.
"Ah- wait, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Sorry, the question was probably intrusive and nosy."
"No, no, no, that's not it. It's just- a funny story. Embarrassing, to be honest, but not for me."
Soonyoung pulls a chair up to the dining table and picks up his chopsticks. "One of my friends - his name is Mingyu - had downed this vile concoction of vegetables and various condiments as a dare, given himself food poisoning, and stubbed his toe on their recliner as he rushed to the bathroom to yarf."
Jihoon cracks a smile, eyebrows raised comically.
"Don't ask what was in the smoothie," Soonyoung tells him solemnly, "You're probably better off not knowing."
"I suppose I'll have to heed your warning then."
"You chose wisely," Soonyoung laughs. "Anyways, the result was one broken arm and several cuts from shattered glass on Mingyu's part, ‘cause when he stubbed his toe, he also tripped and fell causing the death of a much beloved coffee table. But between you and me, I'm pretty sure Mingyu was crying more for the table than his injuries."
The image is funny enough to draw a full-hearted laugh from Jihoon.
"It was really late at night and I'm the only one in my friend group that owns a car, so I had to drive him to the hospital." A small smile plays on Soonyoung's face. "God, my friends are all idiots. To think I was so worried." He shakes his head fondly.
"Ahh...the wonders of friendship," Jihoon says. As ridiculous as Soonyoung's story is, Jihoon can undeniably think of equally nonsensical stories about his friends.
"Yeah, really." Soonyoung shoves a clump of rice into his mouth, in a similar fashion to his daughter. "But, Mingyu's fine now. Should be up and about in no time at all."
"That's good."
"Ah! I totally owe you a drink for last night," Soonyoung suggests cheerfully.
"You really don't need to! I don't mind if we don't. "S really nothing."
"Well, I do mind. It's settled then!"
Before Jihoon can continue refusing, his phone vibrates in his pocket, startling him for a second, before he reaches into his back pocket to fish it out.
His home screen is alight with a couple hundred text notifications, mostly from Seungkwan, Hansol, Seungcheol, Jisoo, and Jeonghan. For the most part, it's a jumbled mass of all caps and a lot of drunk texts, with some colorful language sprinkled in. One of them reads: "THIS BETTER BE A GODDAMN AMAZING LAY IF UR ABANDONING US LIKE THIS"
Jihoon feels the tips of his ears flush. His friends are so crude. If Seungkwan knew what he actually ditched them for, he'd probably never see the light of day again.
A lot of the texts eventually evolve into genuinely concerned texts, which is understandable because Jihoon hasn't said a word to them since late last night. For all they knew, he could be dead in a ditch.
The clock in the kitchen reads 9:42 am, as well. Jihoon clears his throat awkwardly. "Ah, well, I should probably leave now. I've probably overstayed my welcome, and my friends are, uh, worried about me," he finishes lamely.
"Of course, of course. Go if you need to!" Soonyoung gestures towards the door understandingly.
Jihoon nods his thanks and carefully sets his chopsticks onto his bowl and scoots his chair back. He's about to walk to the front door to slip his shoes on, but before he manages to step outside the vicinity of the kitchen, Suhyang grabs onto his calves stubbornly.
Jihoon blanches.
"Ahjussi, please don't go!" Suhyang clutches at the fabric of his jeans. She scrabbles a bit, appearing to attempt to climb up Jihoon's pant leg.
Jihoon looks at Soonyoung despairingly, who has rushed from his seat to try to dissuade Suhyang from clawing up Jihoon's jeans. "Suhyang-ah, let go! That's rude!"
Suhyang pouts petulantly up at Jihoon, eyes impossibly wide and pleading. "Pleaaase." She drags out the middle syllable in a nauseatingly cute whine.
Jihoon feels his defenses crumbling.
"Ahh...ahjussi has to go," He tells her weakly.
"But you like it here, don't you?" Suhyang tries imploringly. "You can stay and play Mario Kart with me- you- you can even be Toad if you want."
At this point, Soonyoung has resorted to using brute physical strength to pull a mulish Soonyoung from Jihoon's leg, but she seems to have an iron grip. "Suhyang-yah! C'mon!"
The little girl wails ruefully as Soonyoung manages to tug her away from Jihoon. Her father lifts her up and clutches her tightly to his chest, as to restrain her from attacking again.
Jihoon discreetly mouths a "thank you" to Soonyoung before stumbling to his shoes.
As he ties the laces to his converse, he hears Soonyoung telling her that "ahjussi can come over some other time if you want," in an attempt to comfort the babbling child.
The idea that they want him in their life sends a warm rush through Jihoon.
Before Jihoon can open the door, Soonyoung calls out, "Wait!"
The other man sets Suhyang down, but not without a stern reminder to "behave yourself," and runs to the kitchen, only to reappear a few minutes later with a filled take-out container in his hands. He hurries to Jihoon and Suhyang trailing a few steps behind him.
The container is shoved rather forcefully into Jihoon's hands. "Here. Take it. It's some homemade daboki."
Jihoon blinks. "Wow, um, I really shouldn't."
Soonyoung makes a dismissive noise. "It's nothing, really. Just take it." He gives him a smile that makes Jihoon feel all warm and weird, like ice cream set out in the sun. "To be honest, I made way too much for the two of us to eat, and I really don't want it to go bad, so you'd really be doing me a favor."
Jihoon fingers the lid of the container and says hesitantly, "If you insist...”
"I really do." Soonyoung nods emphatically. Suhyang seems to see this as a perfect moment to attack Jihoon again, but her father has just enough presence of mind to snatch her up from the ground.
"Well, thank you, again. For everything."
"The gratitude is all mine," Soonyoung tells him warmly.
Before Jihoon turns to leave completely, he decides to take a leap of faith. "Also...if you ever need help with Suhyang, I'd be more than happy to." His heart jumps to his throat as the words leave his mouth.
Joy spreads throughout Soonyoung's features, megawatt smile adorning his face. "That means a lot, thank you."
"Of course." Jihoon nods. He clears his throat and glances out the door. "Well, I'll be off then."
Soonyoung and Suhyang both wave as he leaves the apartment, and Jihoon can't seem to suppress the bubbly feeling rising in his chest. His cheeks are rosy even before he steps out into the crisp winter weather.
The following Thursday finds Jihoon at a place gaudily called "Sweet Stars Friends Daycare." The building is ornately decorated to look very welcoming to children, with lots of places for them to gambol.
Soonyoung had called earlier that day - with an edge of urgency in his voice - asking if Jihoon could pick Suhyang up from preschool and watch her for a while before he could get home.
Jihoon had agreed immediately. Conveniently, the rest of his afternoon had been meeting free as well, so he wouldn't be missed if he left work a little earlier than usual. Her preschool wasn't actually that far away from his office; in fact, it was on his way home.
He stands outside the double doors of the daycare, hands stuffed awkwardly into his pockets. What the hell is the protocol for this kind of stuff anyways? Is he just supposed to walk in and take her?
Unfortunately, as he toils over what to do, he makes eye contact with what he presumes to be a teacher and she stares at him weirdly, looking a little alarmed.
It's then that he realizes how suspicious he must look, brooding moodily in front of the doors of a preschool. He scrubs an exasperatedly hand across his eyes and straightens up, before shouldering open the door and stepping into the building.
The teacher eyes him warily and tentatively asks, "how can I help you?"
"I'm, uh, I," Jihoon stammers. He curses himself mentally and tries to channel Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's energy. "I'm here to pick up Kwon Suhyang." It comes out sounding more like a question than a statement and the teacher's face kind of looks like she wants to ask him if he's sure that's what he's here for. You and me both, he thinks miserably.
"Okay, sir, what's your name?"
"Lee Jihoon." Jihoon's mentally sweating bullets. What the fuck, there's no way he can just walk away with someone's child.
"Ah!" The teacher brightens considerably. "Lee Jihoon-ssi, yes, Suhyang's dad called in earlier telling us that you would be picking his daughter up. Sorry about the confusion!"
A breath of relief escapes Jihoon. Thank god Soonyoung had the foresight to call in beforehand. Though he supposes it's probably standard to do so if you're having someone else pick up your kid. It's this grace and ease that Soonyoung handles these responsibilities that Jihoon can't help and admire. He thinks about himself, only a few months younger than the other man, and thinks about how incompetent he is at even just taking of himself. Of just simple tasks. Jihoon feels like a child strapped in wobbly stilts and dressed in some too-large fancy suit. He's one misstep away from falling off the facade, one tremble away from toppling over and drowning in the shoes and clothes that are far too big for him to fill.
And yet.
Soonyoung, who has a child to take care of and a job to work and a household to maintain, seems steady, optimistic, and only ever graceful.
Jihoon gives a small laugh. His mother would want him to take notes and learn from him. He clears his head with a sharp shake and follows the teacher into one of the various rooms. It only takes a few milliseconds for him to spot Suhyang. She has a little ladybug headband pushing her bangs back, and the antennae bob up and down as she prances around excitedly.
The teacher calls her name, and almost immediately, she's bounded over to Jihoon and beaming up at him. "Ahjussi, what're you doin' here?"
Jihoon crouches down to be level with her. "I'm here to pick you up. Your dad's busy right now, so you'll be staying with ahjussi for the afternoon."
Somehow, the smile on Suhyang's face only manages to grow wider. She does a little excited dance and then reaches up for Jihoon's hand. He hesitantly grabs it and is immediately tugged over to the cubbies on the opposite wall.
"I gotta get my stuff before I leave," Suhyang informs him as she reaches into her cubby to carefully pack everything into a small backpack. "Daddy says I gotta make sure I have everythin' all put nice in my bag."
Jihoon nods. "That's a good thing to do."
Everything goes smoothly for about five minutes. It's when Jihoon opens the car door when he realizes that maybe, just maybe, children need booster seats. He instructs Suhyang to stay put for one second so he can search up whether the fuck or not five year old children need booster seats. He's not proud that he has to Google it, but how the hell would he know.
He glances down at Suhyang, who is busy harassing every dandelion in sight in the parking lot.
Well. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Three minutes later, Jihoon is buckling himself into the driver's seat, and lets out a breath. He eyes the rear view mirror, where Suhyang has been comically placed in the middle seat of the back and the two seat belts of the adjacent seats have been messily buckled across her lap.
"You comfortable?" Jihoon calls over his shoulder. Suhyang grins at him through the mirror and raises two thumbs up.
This whole seating situation is kind of stress inducing, but Jihoon figures that there's no time like the present, and if he keeps sitting here with the car keys clutched in his hands, Soonyoung will be off from work before they get out of the parking lot. He sucks in a deep breath of air and jams the keys into the ignition, twisting it aggressively before he can regret it.
The way back home takes about six minutes longer than it should, but Jihoon is very careful (after all, he's got precious cargo on board) and Suhyang is good company anyways. She good-naturedly requests the radio to be turned on and bellows along with the hit girl group songs. Every now and then, when Jihoon looks at the rear view mirror, he sees her doing the choreography to the songs, surprisingly accurate and surprisingly coordinated for a five year-old that has a penchant for tripping over thin air (or so Soonyoung claims).
Once she's liberated from the complicated seat belt mechanism, she's quick to run towards the elevator in the parking garage. She's practically vibrating with excitement, so much so that when she goes to press the up button for the elevator, she slams both the buttons. This she sheepishly tells Jihoon once he's collected his belongings and made his way over to her.
"You little hooligan," Jihoon says with no real bite, ruffling her hair. She shrugs her shoulders dramatically, as if to say "what can you do?".
The enthusiasm in which kids have when they explore a new place is awe inspiring. Jihoon looks at his apartment and sees a mediocre place with good enough rent. Suhyang sees it and is practically busting her ass to get around to exploring every nook and cranny of the complex. Her eyes are wide and sparkling as she points at an orange tree growing from a pot in front of one of his neighbors’ doors and exclaims that she’s never forget about this little tree. Jihoon had to lead her away before the little rascal almost tried to scamper up the tiny shrub. She’s slightly indignant that her plans have been foiled but it takes no longer than 17 seconds for her to be distracted by the doormat of another apartment.
By the time Jihoon has let himself into his apartment, Suhyang has already shot past him and started a new expedition to familiarize herself with everything crammed into his home. She lets out an excited screech when she finds Jihoon's stash of banana milk.
"Ahjussi, can I have one?" She implores cutely. Who is Jihoon to say no?
"Of course," he says, swiftly grabbing one from the counter for her.
Truth be told, Jihoon's apartment isn't very kid friendly. There's not much to do aside from throw on the TV to some kids show and sit next to Suhyang as she chatters animatedly about some character or other.
At some point in time, she wanders around the apartment while Jihoon checks his emails.
"Ahjussi!"
The delighted yell draws Jihoon's attention immediately, and he rushes over to see what's going on.
Ah.
It seems that Suhyang had discovered his recording room.
Her eyes are wide with awe as she drinks in the sight- hundreds of buttons and knobs on various soundboards and a good number of speakers. The various blinking lights create a starry effect and, although the room is small, it feels a little magical. At least that's how Jihoon has always seen it.
It's always been a hobby of his- producing, singing, making music. Once, long ago, a bright eyed Jihoon had dreams to become some hotshot producer, but those visions had crumbled away long ago. It was a nice fantasy, Jihoon thinks bitterly, but one that was never destined to be fulfilled. Maybe in some other life, in some other universe.
Not that Jihoon hates his nine to five corporate job, despite Seungkwan's protests about him shamelessly promoting capitalism, he's apathetic about it at best. Simply a necessity of life, not satisfactory or dis-satisfactory, just work, eat, sleep. Repeat.
Jihoon actually hasn't touched his recording equipment in a while. Been in kind of a slump, if you will. But seeing Suhyang lose her mind over the equipment makes him itch to create something, if only to entertain the little girl.
"You wanna try it out?" Jihoon asks her.
"Can I really?" Suhyang looks stunned at the prospect.
" 'Course," Jihoon says gruffly. "As long as you're careful."
Suhyang bobs her head up and down so quickly that her hair flails out around her head. "I promise I'll be extra careful!"
Jihoon makes his way to his swivelly chair and takes a seat, and almost a second later, Suhyang has clambered up onto his lap. He flicks a few switches to get the systems up and running, and does a few tests to make sure everything is still in working order, before offering the mic to Suhyang who is still trying to take in all the equipment.
"Wow," she whispers into the mic. "Can I say anything I want?"
Jihoon nods in response.
To his amusement, she starts singing some sort of children's song that sounds vaguely familiar. She stumbles over some of the lyrics, but she's clearly able to hold the tune. Once she's done, she does a little wriggle and informs Jihoon that she's done with her masterpiece.
He finalizes the recording and hits play, and watches Suhyang hiccup with excitement when she hears her voice fill in through the speakers. "Wow," she repeats. "It's so high qua- quality." Jihoon laughs a little because she'd pronounced "quality" like "qualeety," and he gently corrects her.
Suhyang cutely scrunches up her nose and repeats after him, slowly. "Qua-li-ty."
"You got it!" Jihoon says, throwing up a hand for a celebratory high five, which she enthusiastically partakes in.
"Wanna try anything else?" he asks.
Suhyang peers up at him. "Ahjussi, can you make somethin' cool?"
What's he gonna do? Say "no?"
Jihoon starts with a basic beat, letting it wash over him and building a melody in his head. He feels a little out balance, like a skater trying to execute a quad perfectly after having taken an extended hiatus. But it's like what they say- you never forget how to ride a bike.
The end result is a pretty basic instrumental line with a crunchy bass line and an upbeat keyboard melody. Suhyang is endessy intrigued, and stares at him the whole time as he generates the music. She looks at him like he's the Usain Bolt of music producing, and he feels a twinge of pride in his chest.
"Ahjussi this is the coolest thing I've ever seen," Suhyang proclaims solemnly. "Nothing will ever be this cool," she says with so much certainty that she's got Jihoon convinced for a second.
He ruffles her hair gently, "Thanks for your kind words, Suhyang-ah, but I'm sure you'll find cooler things in the future."
She shakes her head vigorously. "Nuh uh, I don't think so." She's still for a second, before she whips her head around to look up at Jihoon. "D'ya think I could do this as good as ahjussi when I'm older?"
"You're very smart, I'm sure you could be even better than me," Jihoon tells her truthfully, so sure and so confident.
"Wow," she breathes out again. "What're people that do this called?"
"They're called music producers, it's a pretty cool job."
"Music producers," Suhyang repeats slowly, reverently, as if the existence of this career were a gift to this universe. "I wanna do that when I'm grown up."
Jihoon's lips curve upward, and he remembers when he felt the same way. But, he's sure Suhyang can end up on a different path than he did. He's positive. At five years old, Suhyang is already much better a person than he is, after twenty five odd years.
The looped beat is interrupted by the doorbell ringing, and Jihoon duly notes that it's seven already, and that Soonyoung's probably already here to pick his daughter up.
Suhyang practically slides over the floors of Jihoon's apartment to reach his front door, with Jihoon himself trailing behind her. Sure enough, the door opens to a beaming Soonyoung holding up two takeout bags of fried chicken.
Dinner is an energetic affair, as meals always seem to be with the Kwons. Suhyang can't seem to sit still, ever, and she's always up to some scheme. The chattering never seems to stop and by the time they're finished eating, Suhyang has seemed to have depleted her previously endless energy. She's completely knocked out and sleeping on Jihoon's couch, snuggled up to one of the throw pillows that Jihoon bought to feel like a functioning and competent adult.
"Hey, I want to thank you again," Soonyoung says to Jihoon, after they've cleaned up and have settled with some tea at the dining table.
Jihoon shakes his head, "It's really no trouble at all," he repeats, an echo of what he told Soonyoung after the night he'd taken care of Suhyang.
"It really does mean a lot to me," Soonyoung says with an uncharacteristic amount of seriousness. "If I'm being honest, I really can't afford to hire a babysitter or a nanny," he continues, with an inkling of shame tinting his words. It's nothing to be ashamed about, Jihoon thinks, but he doesn't want to interrupt and he's not entirely sure he can convince Soonyoung to see his perspective.
"And I'm- I'm working three jobs right now so it's really hard to get home by the time the daycare closes."
Jihoon feels helpless. This is all new, unfamiliar territory to him, the insecurity and the exposed doubts. His relationship with Soonyoung is still somewhere in the murky waters between awkward acquaintanceship and hesitant friends. But the candor is not unwelcome; Jihoon is more than willing to listen.
"My friends are great and all - Suhyang absolutely adores them all - but my problems shouldn't have to be their burden. I can't keep demanding so much from them," Soonyoung says with a guilty grimace, running a tired hand through his hair.
"I'm sure they don't see it like that," Jihoon interrupts abruptly. "I'm sure they want to do whatever they can to help you, never a burden. At least, that's how I see it."
Soonyoung seems surprised by Jihoon's words, features going a little slack. In hindsight, Jihoon thinks that that dramatic proclamation probably was unwarranted and, frankly, a little forthright and embarrassing. But he's said it already and it's the truth.
"I'm sure you would do the same thing for them if they were in the same situation as you," Jihoon adds.
Soonyoung nods, looking a bit admonished, "You're right, you're right. I know this, but it's hard not to feel that way sometimes."
Jihoon understands. He understands so wholly.
The other man looks over towards the couch where Suhyang is snoozing away, gaze softening. "I just want her to have the entire universe, but I'm not even sure I can give her a star."
The room is silent for a few moments, the soberness seeming to hang over the two like a down blanket. However, Soonyoung seems to stir out of his reverie with the sudden realization that he must've crossed a boundary.
"I"m so, so sorry, I didn't mean to lay that all on you," he apologizes profusely, waving his hands wildly in front of his chest in a gesture of mortification. "God," he laughs, but it's sharp and bitter, "you must think I'm so ungrateful, always complaining about such small things. There are so many people that have it much worse, and I'm complaining about being a little tired."
"Suffering isn't a competition, Soonyoung."
Soonyoung pause in his movements to meet Jihoon's steady gaze. "Thank you," he says quietly.
Jihoon simply hums in affirmation. He's all too familiar with the all consuming feelings that Soonyoung has expressed.
Suffering isn't a competition.
It's a small thing that people need to be reminded of sometimes.
"Well," Soonyung stands, stretching languidly, "I should probably get going." He glances over at Suhyang again. "That little sucker needs to get home."
By the time he's collected his belongings, as well as hiked Suhyang's bright yellow flower backpack onto his shoulder, it's 9:43 already. Soonyoung crouches down to gently lift up Suhyang, shifting her gingerly in his arms as to not wake her up. He holds her like she's the best thing in the world- the most fragile star, and Jihoon is so incredibly fond.
Jihoon opens the door for Soonyoung, who quietly steps over the threshold of the apartment. "Thank you again," he says to Jihoon in a low voice.
"Anytime." Jihoon meets Soonyoung's eyes. He really means it.
"Not just for, uh, looking after Suhyang. But for talking to me, too."
"Anytime," Jihoon repeats, sincerity flooding his words.
"I might just take you up on that offer," Soonyoung says with a small smile. "Good night, Jihoon-ah," he breathes out, just barely loud enough for Jihoon to hear. His eyes are tired, but there's mirth dancing in them, a lightness that wasn't there before.
" 'Night, Soonyoung."
The lights flicker as Jihoon watches Soonyoung's retreating figure, and a cool breeze sweeps through the window of the apartment complex. The stars are extra bright tonight- Jihoon can see them through the window in his bedroom as he gets into bed, even through the smog of Seoul's concrete jungle.
It feels like the de novo dawn of spring.