Chapter Text
Chapter 2
Four months later, it still hurt the same way. Shota wasn't sure if this feeling ever ended. He couldn't sleep very well, couldn't eat, theres always the feeling of loneliness. There was a big hole in his heart. Not even Ren managed to help him. His friend could just watched he become a mess. His father also noticed that something was wrong, but he got no answer from his son. Shotas grades got worse because he couldn't concentrate if Tana was there and he was everytime in his mind. So there wasn't any second where he could calm down. The older man treated him no different than before, which only hurt him more. Again and again he wondered if it would feel different, if he had said nothing. The days were like each other, Shota got up, ate a bite to reassure his father, went to school, left his time, only to lie at home on his bed until the next day. "Are you going out with us? Toa asked for you. Also thr others." Shota doesn't answer Ren. He just stare silently outside the window. "I know you're hurt, but you've got friends where cares about you.", Ren sighed. "Okey buddy… if you change your opinion you know were we are." It was mean of him to treat his friends like that, but he would only pull them down. He wasn't a good friend, they deserved someone better. Instead he was better alone, where he could fall deep in his depressed thoughts, without keep someone with him.
„I think we should talk again, shouldn´t we?“ After Ren left the classroom Tanahashi entered and closed the door, like the last time. It looked like he would stand outside and waited until Shota was alone. It would wonder him i fit were different, but he noticed it. „I thought there was nothing more to talk about." his voice sounds oppressive and he avoided the gaze of his teacher. Tana sighed deep, even that sounded wonderful. "Yes that's what I said. I didn't expect you let your achievements so grind. That it suits you like that, you know the rules very well." Wanted Tana tell him now that he wasn't allowed to feel that way? Shota snorted and raised his eyes. Looked at the older man while he crossed his arms in defense. All he wanted was to get away the pain in his chest and that didn't work if Tana stays in his mind. "Yeah I know the rules so what? I'm fine.", he didn't make Tana a bad conscience, or show him how much it hurt him. Tanahashi raised one of his perfect eye brows. He didn't believe him. "You're not fine, Shota. Don't lie to me." Shota shuddered slightly because of the certainty in his voice. Just for a moment he forgot that Tana was his teacher, but all of this makes him frustrated. "Well then tell me, how should I feel?" The young boy stand up and he felt so desperately. "Did you think I like to feel that way?! I can't sleep because of this damn hole in my chest...And all I could do is to think about you…." Tears run down his cheeks, even if he didn't want to cry. It looked like der older man thoughts about his words and fought a little inner conflict. "Sorry. I'm just a stupid boy. What do I know about feelings! With seventeen you have no idea how love feels." Everything breaks out of Shota and he talked faster and faster, only to could say and more and more tears run down his face. "Stop it", Tana interrupted him softly but certainly and placed his hand on Shotas cheek. Soft wiped his thumb the tears from Shotas face. "You're not stupid. But right, you're seventeen. So even if we can ignore that I am your teacher... I'm nealy twice as old." Longingly, Shota leaned into the touch. Took the feeling in to never forget it again. "I don't care about it. Really." Wet eyes looked pleadingly at Tana. The older man took down his hand and sighed. "Okay…we try it. One date, and then we'll see. If it doesn't work, you have to promise to keep on like before, understood? I don't want you to go through the exam because of that." These words confused the young boy and the tears spent. They would try it? Did he understand that correctly? Fast as he could Shota nodded, not that Tana could change his mind. "I promise. Everything." A hopeful smile get on his lips. Shota would promise everything just to take this chance to get closer to his teacher. "Okay. Don't forget it." The young boy nodded again, he get a step closer, his feeling was indescribably. "Next weekend it should be nice outside. If you want we could have a picnic?" The pain was gone and all he could do was to think about their date. "Sounds good. We'll talk about it again, the next lessons starts in a few minutes." Tanahashi smiled softly and his hand strokes Shotas shoulder.
After school, Ren stopped his friend. He noticed the changes in Shotas mood. "Okay, jerk. What happened to you? This morning did you look like the sun would never shine again. Damn you look so since months! But now you don't get that radiance out of your eyes anymore. You have ignored me and the others and suddenly everything is ok again. Explain it now." Ren was angry. The whole few weeks he had endeavored to be there for him, but the other had sledding every efforts. Not even Ren's anger could cloud his mood. He grinned at him. "I have a date. With Tana.", was all he said and the happiness was heard in every word. "What? Are you kidding me?" Shortly Ren looked around to see if they was heard by somebody. Finally, it was not an issue that everyone should hear. "No, I don't. We'll meet at the weekend." He still could not believe, it felt like a dream. A sweet dream that please never ends. Ren raised his brow's, he showed not convinced. "No offense, but why? Months ago he said clearly there were no chance." There was something in it Shota couldn't ignore, but why should he question it? He got his date with his teacher. The handsome man from his dreams. Why should he do this if he wouldn't want? "Yes sure…. now he changed his mind. People do that sometimes", his voice was a bit dismissive. Ren could tell him so many times that it was weird, it didn't change anything, didn't it? "All right. I don't say anything anymore. Just wondering about his change." Ren lifted his arms in defense and shaked his head. "But don't come to me if things don't go the way you want." Ren warned him forceful and made Shota rolled his eyes. "Last time I did not", murmured quietly and put his hands in his pocket. He had done it deliberately to annoy nobody, but Ren probably didn't see it that way. "Yes, you have ignored anyone who wanted to help you. Just like me. And yep I resent it to you." "Oh come on." He groaned annoying and signed. "No.
This isn't always about you, jerk. I was damn worried about you! What do you think how I feel when I have to see how my best friend is a shadow of his own?" No, he hadn't seen it that way, if he only had eyes for Tana. "I'm sorry Ren. I did not want to hurt you. It's just… I love him and to hear that he doesn't wanted me, hurts as if someone had crushed my heart." Shotas attempt to explain just let Ren sigh. "Yeah yeah. I know. He is your first love. How could I forget that. Try not to ignore me next time, that's all I want." A little smile appeared on Shota's lips and he raised his hand to his chest. "I promise."
The following days didn't want pass, but that could be because he hadn't lessons with Tana. For this Rens demur always returned to his thoughts. An answer only give up from his teacher. Shota had the suspicion he keep him out of the way. Sure it also could been an coincidence but what if it wasn't? Shota stood in front of the closet, thinking for an hour about what to wear and if there was still a date at all. What if Tana changed his mind again? In meticulous detail, he had sat down yesterday evening and this morning to prepare the picnic. Lost in his thoughts he had cut himself constantly in his hands, now there were countless patches at his fingers covered the small cuts. He hadn't prepared much because he wasn't sure what Tana liked to eat and he hadn't much money to buy a lot of things. So he decided for some fruits and vegetables which everyone likes. Shota hoped that Tana like it too and if not he really messed up. Frustrated and desperate sank Shota down onto his bed, leaned back on his back and closed his eyes. Luckily his dad was at work, but he had also noticed Shotas mood change and wondered about it. Was it so paranormal? His brown eyes looked up at the ceiling. Nobody could understand him. today would be the best day in his life. The doorbell startled him. In his mind he had forgotten the time so now he jumped up. Because he didn't want to keep him waiting outside the door, Shota grabbed some T-Shirt on his way and run down the hallway to the front door. Before he opened, Shota straightened his hair and ran his tongue nervously over his lips. With a wide smile he opened the door and his breath stoked a little bit. Tanahashi stands in front of him the hair is braided on one side and he wore a motorcycle helmet under his arm. The dark leather jacket and jeans fit perfectly to his body. "You ready? Hope you're not afraid of riding a motorcycle." Shota blinked and shaked his head, but he needed a second to find his voice. "No, but I thought we would have a picnic? How we…" Tana interrupted his concern. "Took everything in a bag and it work ok." The older man smiled softly before he turned around. He seemed aloof, but just that he was there meant so much for Shota. That's why he turned back went back in kitchen to took the boxes in a bag, only to return to the front door. There the young man put on his shoes and took the keys. Tana stood beside his bike, Shota was not familiar with motorcycles, but it looks fantastic. "Let's go", he grinned and Tanas view lays on him so he have to took a deep breath. Tanahashi nodded and handed his student a helmet, just to start the bike. Safety was important but Shota was a bit overwhelmed with the helmet. To his luck, Tana noticed it, raised one eyebrow and come over him to help. Shotas eyes lay on Tanas face, watched how concentrated he looked if he put Shota the helmet on. He felt his fingers brush gently over his cheeks and the butterflys starts to fly. Shota blushed slightly, lowered his view, while his heart beaten like the wings of an humming-bird. "So now, we can start. Sit behind me and hold on tight, understood?" Shota nodded and did what he was told. What a wonderful feeling to grabbed his arms around Tanas waist and pressed his chest against his back. While the airstream bounced against his body, tried to detach him from Tana, but his hold was tight like Tana told him.