Chapter Text
"The choices you make now, the people you surround yourself with, they all have the potential to affect your life, even who you are, forever."
― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever
The doors were locked when they went up to open them, but that wasn't going to keep them out or even delay them, not when they had knowledge of the secret passages. James was glad that he'd chose to share that information with only a few people now, since half of the people he thought that he could trust ended up working for Riddle. It kept the location of the tunnels or even their existence a secret.
They had to loop around to get to the entrance, and a good portion of the fighting had moved much closer to the castle. James saw more of his men coming toward him and was glad for it. Riddle was going to have men on the inside as well. He needed someone to protect him and whoever he had tricked into thinking that he was going to succeed, and he had to have known that James was in the city if he didn't bother to make an appearance for Regulus' execution.
Lucius, while passionate, just didn't have the same kind of energy that Riddle did. Any threat given by Lucius was just not as impactful as a threat given by Riddle.
"Your highness!" It was Benjy. "You want us to follow you or head back to the streets?"
"You can come along," James grinned, glad to see him and then led the sizable group around to the side of the castle. The castle was built in such a way that even if your enemy was able to get past the wall, getting into the actual castle was a pain and would take time that they didn't have.
However, James was not this castles enemy, and Riddle didn't know all its secrets.
James was leading them into the sewer before Remus spoke up. "We've inspected all of this, James. There's no way to get in using the tunnels."
"There's another passage in here somewhere." James ran a hand through his hair, amazed at how quickly it came out now that his hair was so much shorter.
"Of course, there is." Remus sighed. "It was foolish to think that I knew of all of them."
"It was," James agreed, not sure if he was trying to lighten the mood by joking or if it was just his knee-jerk response. "Benjy? How was the fighting in the street going?"
"I don't know what you said to them, but people were jumping out of their homes with pans and rolling pins and whatever else they had on hand." He laughed. "One boy, couldn't have been older than twelve, he had a broom and was hiding behind a barrel, tripping Riddle's men as they went past."
James did smile at that.
They reached the place where James thought he remembered the passage to be, so he slowed down, the hoard of footsteps behind him slowed as well. It was hard to hear any specific noise with the water sloshing around and echoing off the stones.
James ran his hand over the cold, damp stones looking for the small hole that would allow him to open the hidden door. He had his dagger out and in his left hand so that he could open it as soon as he found it. He walked down the length of where he knew the hole to be and then turned around. "I need more light," He said, getting frustrated as he looked around at everyone who was waiting for him to find the passage.
"Should we make ourselves comfortable here, mate?" Sirius asked, his old smirk back in place now that he had his brother by his side. James shot him a half-hearted glare, since he was glad to see him return back to normal, and then went back to looking at the wall.
"Do you hear that?" Frank spoke up, putting a hand up to motion everyone to silence.
Reginald narrowed his brow and looked over at Amos. "I don't like the sound of that."
"What is it?" Sirius asked, looking around. "I don't hear anything."
"Listen," Frank insisted, still holding up his hand.
James paused in his search to listen for whatever it was that Frank and Reginald were hearing.
At first it was only the water splashing around, but then everyone held still as they were all straining to hear the noise. The splashing turned into a quiet wave of sorts, and with the echoes coming from all around, it was impossible to tell from which direction the sound was coming. Was it further down the tunnel? Was it behind them all? It somehow seemed as though it might be coming from above them.
James hastened his efforts to find the small notch in the wall and tried to block out the sounds of worry that arose from the men around him. They didn't know what to make of the sounds either, and the dim light of their torches and the echoing were putting them all on edge.
"What is it?" Regulus asked no one in particular.
"You think we all know the answer and are keeping it to ourselves just to spite you?" Sirius shot out, though he was glancing around nervously. It had transformed into a faint hissing now. Or maybe a whirring.
"I found it!" James said, glad that they would soon be out of this tunnel and not have to worry about the strange noise any longer.
"Oh good," Benjy said, and James felt him step up behind him, and then the water moved sharply, splashing up James' trousers as though Benjy had tripped in the water. And then his front collided with James' back and he bounced off him, into the water. James turned around to find that a large snake had wrapped itself around Benjy's neck and was weighing him down.
There was a sickening crack that propelled James into motion, pulling his knife out of the whole that had just opened the doorway and then dropping to his knees, trying to work out how to get the snake off Benjy without doing any more damage. But before he could find a good angle at which to strike, the snake was already uncoiling itself and disappearing into the dark water. James didn't know why it would suddenly release him, until Benjy rolled onto his back, his eyes wide.
"Benjy?" James reached out to help the man into a sitting position, but as soon as his fingers made contact with his shoulder, cold dread swept through him. He shivered as he shook the man. "Benjy?"
His eyes weren't moving though. That crack that he'd heard earlier, came back to him. And the awkward angle that his head was bent.
It should have been James. Benjy had stepped in the way of the snake; it should have been James.
Sirius pulled James to his feet and violently pushed him through the now opened door of the passage. "Get in there before that snake gets you too." He said harshly, shoving James up the two steps that had them in a much smaller, darker tunnel.
"He can't be dead." James said, looking over his shoulder for another look. He only saw Remus and some of the others. "What about Scarlett? He can't be dead."
James heard the sound of splashing water again, and then they were being pushed forward as men hurried to get into the small tunnel. There was so much shouting going on that it took much too long for James to realize that it wasn't the snake that had sent them all running, but rather archers coming up behind them in the tunnels.
"Get that door closed!" James shouted back down the line, willing Benjy from his thoughts for the time being. He'd have much time to grieve over Benjy when he was working out how to tell Scarlett what had happened. Telling Scarlett about Benjy reminded him that he'd have to tell Lily as well, and that made him think about what Severus had said about his wife and children. He couldn't afford to think about any of that right now.
He took a deep breath and pressed forward.
Once all of James' men were in the tunnel and the door was closed, James took a moment to orient them. "These tunnels lead just about everywhere under the castle. I used them when I was a kid to get to the kitchens from my room. Or to get outside when I was told to stay in. I haven't used them in ages, but I have a general idea of how to get us to the Great Hall." He looked at Remus and Sirius and then the others. "I think that's our best bet."
"We're with you, mate." Sirius said. He somehow managed to look just as intimidating crouched over with his hand in his hair, keeping it back away from his face, as he always looked when he was upright with a sword in hand. James figured it probably had something to do with the confidence he seemed to have spilling out of him. He needed to borrow some of that right now.
James nodded. "Alright, then follow me." He turned back around and tried to send his thoughts back in time to when he was a child and would do this all the time. When he didn't have to crouch while walking and he could run through the tunnels without fear of being found. His parents had never said that they didn't like him playing in the passages, but only because they didn't know where they were, and they knew that voicing their dissent would only make James do it more often.
Luckily, James had been right in saying that he remembered the layout of the tunnels, because it turned out that they all looked the same and if he hadn't remembered, it would have made finding the Great Hall nearly impossible and they would have had to settle for going up through a different room.
James pushed aside the loose stone that covered the hole that they would crawl through and was about to peek his head through to look around when Sirius punched him on his forearm. "It's like you want to be killed, honestly." He muttered, pushing James aside so that he could look himself. His head disappeared from view and he was quiet. Everyone was quiet.
"It's empty." He said after a moment and then he pulled the rest of his body up through the whole, reaching his hand back down to help James through.
"You're lucky you hit my right arm." He muttered when he was above ground.
"You're lucky I'm here to help keep you alive." He countered and then turned to help the next person up. James knew that no one else needed help and he was only doing it for the sake of preserving James' pride, though that only lasted as long as it took to pull up Remus, Frank, Reginald and Amos. Gideon and Fabien had to pull themselves up, as did everyone who followed.
"Well that was ungentlemanly of all of you." Hestia said as her mop of messy hair appeared in the hole in the ground.
"You're the only that told us not to treat you any different." Amos grinned at her.
"You were helped through the hole." She shot back. James was only half listening to their banter, looking around the hall for something to let him know that so much time had past since he'd last stepped foot in here. He wanted some visual representation that his life had been turned upside down, but in truth, it all looked the same. The tapestries on the wall were untouched, the plants by the windows had been tended too, the statues that he knew had fallen over the night that the castle had been attacked, had been set right again. Repaired if need be. His home had continued as it always had, without him though. It was disconcerting.
"Where is Riddle hiding, you reckon?" Frank asked, getting James' attention. They'd all lost the posh way that they'd once spoke before everything had changed.
James sucked in a breath through his mouth and wondered if he was supposed to feel as though he didn't want to share Riddle's downfall with all of them, because that is how he felt. If he was supposed to feel as though pushing his blade through Riddle's heart was something that was owed to him for everything. Something owed to him, but still a price he had to pay.
Because this was all his fault. He had been charged with protecting the people of this land and he had failed. He had to set things right now, it was the only way that he would be able to start forgiving himself for everything he'd done wrong.
"We're not all going after Riddle." James said slowly, looking around at the men he had with them. Was it just his imagination or were there fewer of them now then there had been in the tunnels? Maybe it was just that they were in a larger space now, though they had to work out that there were archers after them somehow. "How many men did we lose in the tunnels?" It had been on his instruction that they'd all been there.
"You can't blame yourself for that too." Sirius said quietly, though he of all people should understand that James' guilt was not assigned purposefully. It just seemed to happen.
"How many?" He repeated, looking to Remus this time.
"We haven't done a tally, I don't know. Not for sure." He looked over his shoulder at one of the men who's names James didn't know. He should have known all of their names.
"We think the archers got ten or eleven before we realized what was happening." Remus said, looking at the floor. He hadn't been at the back though, he couldn't have known what was happening, not with what happened to Benjy distracting them.
"And after we realized?"
"Another five or so." Remus forced himself to look up at James. "They caught us by surprise. It could have been worse." It could have been better if James had opened the passage sooner. They weren't followed into the passage, they had been safe there.
"You'll remember that we all volunteered to be here." Someone called out. It sounded like Bertram, but James couldn't see him. "You're not paying us. We're here because we wanted to be. All of us wanted to be here."
"Alright," James had to force himself to push past this as well. Riddle was in the building somewhere. So were many other men that had decided that helping Riddle achieve his goals were more important than the lives of the people who lived in this country.
"We're still going to have to split up." He said, looking around. "I want one group going into the Entrance Hall. Get the door opened so that more of us can come in and help. Keep as many people alive as you can, they deserve to answer for the crimes they committed.
A second group I want sweeping the upper levels and finding anyone who is hiding. A third needs to go down to the dungeons and free the innocent and lock up those that deserve it. We'll hold trials for them later. If you find children anywhere, take them to the west wing, that's where the guest chambers are and there shouldn't be anyone over there. It'll be safe." He looked at Sirius and Remus. "I'll be going after Riddle." He said this quieter as the men in front of him started to split into three groups.
"Not alone, you won't." Sirius said. "I'm going with you."
"So am I." Regulus said. "If you think I don't want a piece of that bastard after everything he did to me…"
"I know you do." James said. "But it's my responsibility to-"
"Don't start with that shit." James' eyes went wide when that comment that should have come from Sirius fell from Remus' lips instead.
"Excuse me?"
"You don't have to do this alone. Of course you don't have to do this alone. We're coming with you. The three of us. The others will do what you asked, and we'll go with you."
"I know it's your job to keep me safe-"
"You're my friend, James. At the moment you are more my friend than my king and you're not going to change my mind on the matter. We're going with you." James looked over Remus and without letting himself think about it too much, he stepped up and pulled the man in for a hug. He wasn't in the practice of hugging his friends, but then again, he'd never had so many friends before.
Remus didn't really know how to respond to that, but James pulled back rather quickly, so he didn't have to make a decision. "Thank you." He said quietly, and then turned away, looking over the other men to make sure that they were doing as they should. And to hide the warmth in his eyes (even if the hug had already betrayed him.)
"Alright, let's head out." He said, waving them on. When it was just him and the other three left in the room, he turned to them. "I'm guessing that he'll be in the Royal Chambers. Because he shouldn't be and it'll be what he thinks is most insulting."
There was no disagreement between them, so they started that way, James leading, but only just. Remus was still on his left, Sirius on his Right and Regulus walked behind them. They were a team. A force to be reckoned with.
oOo
Mary ran up to the door, and Lily didn't think anything of it at first. It was cold, the wind was unforgiving and getting back inside as quickly was possible was always what was on her mind when she ventured past the thick oak door. Lily loved that door for all the cold it kept out of the small house.
The door flew open and almost knocked against the wall behind it, but Mary caught it at the last moment and had to use her weight to get the door closed. Lily almost walked over to help her, but she managed. "You'll never believe!" She called out, half out of breath, face flushed from both the bitter wind and excitement.
"Hush, you'll wake the children." Lily said, though she couldn't help but smile at her mirth. There wasn't a whole lot of that these days. "I'll never believe what?" Lily asked, looking up from the dough she was kneading on the stone counter. She didn't know how to make much still, but Mary had taught her a few things, and she quite liked how the dough felt under her fingers. She liked watching the bread rise as it cooked, knowing that she'd made it. It was calming, and it helped to keep her mind off things.
"They've reached the capital!" She was grinning from ear to ear. Lily just froze. One hand in the dough, one raised half an inch above it, poised to push against it again. "Lily!" Mary tried to spur forth a reaction. "They've done it! They've gotten there! We'll get to leave here soon!"
Lily cleared her throat and looked down at her dough. "You don't know how long it's going to take." She reminded the girl. "And besides, how do you know that they've taken the capital?"
"I've gotten a letter." Mary grinned, holding it out for Lily to see. "Moody sent it with a rider- there's a spot that we agreed upon an hour's ride from here that I've been checking. He said that he's taking the rest of the army up to catch anyone that's fleeing. Though I get the feeling that all of Godric's Hollow is emptying if they didn't live there originally." Lily reached out and snatched the letter. Scanning it for any sign of James' name. There was none.
"Who is Hannah?" She asked, as that was who the letter was addressed to.
"He couldn't send James' letters with it." She answered Lily's real question. The one that was causing the disappointment to well in her eyes. "If it was intercepted-"
"I know." She snapped, more harshly than she'd meant to. "I'm sorry, Mary. I know that you don't want to be here anymore than I do."
"Are you kidding? I love it here. I'm thinking of coming back next winter too." Lily laughed despite herself and shook her head.
"The wind sure is lovely." She sighed and handed the letter back. "I want to go home, Mary. I want to share my children with their father- though you've been a wonderful surrogate." She grinned, and Mary laughed.
"I do my best." She reached out and patted Lily's arm. "Now you finish that. I'm going to pack a bag. I'm going to ride out to the nearest town tomorrow and see if I can't get more news." Lily nodded.
"I'll make you something nice for your trip." She said, since she knew that sleep was not going to come tonight. Not when she knew that James and his men were at the castle.
Their fate was currently being decided.
oOo
James looked at the door that led to the Royal Chambers and knew that he'd chosen correctly. The door was slightly ajar, and the portraits around it were crooked and it just looked disturbed. He took a deep breath and refused to look at his friends before he pushed the door open.
There was a stench once he walked over the threshold that smelled like death. It was bitter and overpowering and made his eyes water. He looked around for the cause of the smell and saw that there was dried blood on the floor and the walls. Bodies were heaped on the floor as well. Flies buzzed all around and James realized that this was what he'd been looking for when he'd reached the Great Hall. But that area of the castle had been cleaned, and this had not. This was the carnage from the night that Riddle had taken the castle. He had not been using this area of the castle.
But he was here now. James could feel it.
"This is disgusting." Sirius muttered, and James could see him covering his face from the corner of his eyes. James refused to do that though, because he knew that he'd be face-to-face with Riddle at any moment and he wanted the other man to see James standing tall and uninjured.
The royal wing was rather large, with many empty rooms between his old chambers, Lily's old chambers and the nursery. He didn't remember why things had been set up that way, but he'd never thought to change them. He walked past Lily's old room, their former doctor lay where he'd fallen that night. James hadn't come all the way over here, he'd been in a different part of the castle entirely, but he'd known that the man had come to check on Lily. He wondered now if he'd brought his assistant with him. If they had attempted to place Severus somewhere nearby so that he could strike.
"I'll never be able to repay you for getting them out of here," He said quietly to Remus.
"You were here when this all happened?" Sirius looked around at the wreckage, the awe in his voice obvious. "It's a miracle you all survived."
They continued down the hall until they reached the doors to James' room. He had no reason to think that this is where Riddle would be, but after all the teasing and the warning, James just had a gut feeling. And he needed to start listening to those more than he did.
He pushed open the door, tightly gripping his sword and rolling his left shoulder to make sure that it wasn't hurting too much.
"I was wondering when you'd come and join me," How could a man have a voice that made you feel like you had spiders crawling up the back of your neck? "Good of you to bring your friends. I brought some friends as well." James heard the snake before he saw him, slithering across the ground. In the dark of the tunnels he hadn't realized just how big the beast really was. Longer than any man, maybe two men even and wider around than James' leg.
"You've been keeping my home warm while I've been away," James refused to be rattled as the snake made it's way across the floor in front of him. "But I'm back now and I'll be needing my crown."
"You've blown up all my hard work." Riddle spoke quietly and now that James was in the room all the way, he could see where he'd situated himself. A chair in the middle of the room, in front of the fire. He had the windows open and no logs burned. He had to be cold.
He was also entirely exposed in his current position. James started looking around the room for traps. Unless the snake was meant to protect him somehow, but James had never heard of anyone being able to train a snake.
"What do you mean I've blown up all your hard work?" James asked, trying to get the man to stand up and reveal something about what was going to happen. "You usurped my thrown and tortured my people.
"You don't need to pretend as though you care about them." Riddle looked over at him, his dark eyes sending a chill down James' spine. "They aren't here, and I certainly don't care about them. They were only a means to an end. I was trying to get them to hate you, which would have worked had you not decided to degrade yourself and live in the woods." He made a face of disgust and then stood up in a flourish. James saw the hilt of his sword as his cloak belled out.
"I do care about my people. That's why I'm here." James said, doing his best to keep his voice even.
"No, you're here because I took something that was yours and you've never had that happen to you before. Again, it's alright by me. I expected you to come back for the castle." He shrugged. "I just didn't expect you to do it so well." He looked over the four men in front of him and James watched his eyes as they started calculating the risks. "Do you want to know why I did it?"
"Not really," James said honestly, and Riddle blanched. "I kept wondering on the way here, when your first did this-" He motioned around the room. "But it doesn't really matter. You had your reasons, and they will never be able to justify what you did."
"You don't deserve the throne. It should have been mine."
"I told you that I didn't want to know." James' fingers tapped along the hilt of his toward.
"I should have had Peter stay with you longer. He was one of the only competent operatives that I had." He looked over his shoulder in disgust, as if glancing by way of the window would let his men know how much he hated them.
"You're outnumbered." James said, refusing to take the bait, though he had many questions about Peter. They would have time to work through all of that later. "You're outnumbered, and you went about it all wrong."
"Oh? And what does the child King know about war?"
"I know how you're supposed to treat your men," James squeezed his sword hilt. He could feel it building. Soon he'd have the opportunity to use the sword against Riddle. "You used all fear on yours. You can't do that. They need something to hope for. Something to fight for." He motioned toward the windows. Shouting and fighting could be heard coming up from the streets. "Those are my people that you hear right now. They're fighting for their home. For a better life."
Riddle narrowed his brow. "They're all stupid. You come in here and besmirch the throne by sitting that mudblood on the throne next to you. You've sullied the whole line with your brats! There will never be a true king in England so long as your line sits on the throne!" Spit flew out of his mouth now as his voice got louder and louder.
"I don't know what you're calling my wife, but I'm not fond of anyone talking about her with anything but respect, so I'd watch myself if I were you." He spoke calmly, forced himself to keep taking slow breaths.
"You think I care what you would do! You think that I- You think I-" He seemed stuck, lost, desperate. "You've spoiled everything. You stupid, vile, insolate-"
James didn't know if Sirius or Remus had drawn their sword first, but as soon as they had, Riddle's hand went for his sword as well.
"I would have restored this kingdom to it's former glory!" He seemed resigned to his fate, which terrified James. A man who had decided that he had nothing to lose was the most dangerous sort. He slowly unsheathed his sword and pointed it at Riddle's heart. "I would have made it great again. Instead it has you. A poor, pitiful excuse of a leader."
Riddle lunged first, but James was ready for him.
oOo
Riddle died, as James' father promised, a mortal man. All that he had been able to accomplish in seemingly such a short amount of time all turned out to be smoke and mirrors. A well-placed guard here, a spy there, a hidden messenger. He didn't have the heart of the land, he didn't have its people.
And because of this, because James had proven that he really cared, it was almost easy to pick out the men that had turned against their country to help Riddle.
James did his due diligence. He stayed in the capital for as long as he could stand it, long enough to ensure that any threat to his family had been plucked out of the castle before they had a chance to do any further damage. When he brought them back home, they wouldn't be in any immediate danger.
And then he got on a horse, Remus, Sirius and Regulus with him, and they set out to find Lily. James didn't know how long it would take, since she was in hiding, but he figured that he'd head back to the Hollows and see if word had reached her yet, see if she'd decided to head back there to meet him.
"James!" He heard a familiar clunking against the pavestones of main street and looked up to find Moody hobbling toward him. "You can't go and get her without this," He reached out to the king, a mangled bit of parchment in his hand. "I just drew it, sorry if it's a bit- well it's chicken scratch is what it is. But it should get you where you need to go." James took the paper and unfolded it.
It was a quickly drawn map. He looked up at Moody.
"Hope you can forgive me for not telling you sooner, your majesty. Didn't want to risk sending word by letter when I knew his men were after her and the wee ones."
"Of course," He nodded. "But I've been kept from my family for long enough." He gave the older man a smile, a nod and then set his horse in a trot.
oOo
If Lily thought the last couple of months had been hard, then this was absolute torture. She hadn't heard anything new since Mary had come back with her hastily written letter from Moody telling them that James had been about to enter the city.
She knew what that would entail, and she didn't like thinking about it.
She didn't like thinking about it, but it was also all that she could think about.
Tom Riddle was going to be there, and he was going to have all his men with him. All the men that had just went on a rampage across the country. Some of those men would be the men that had tried to kill her, and they would try and kill James now and Lily wished that Moody had been able to capture each and every last one of them, simply so James had a few less men to worry about attacking him.
It was a couple weeks after they'd gotten Moody's letter when Mary decided that Lily was being absolutely unbearable.
Grace was sitting on the floor across from Harry, who was entertaining her with silly faces and some dolls that Mary had knitted. And Lily was standing by the window, looking out across the barren, frozen field in front of the house. She was wringing her hands and chewing on her lip, these terrible thoughts about James getting hurt or killed swarmed around in her head like bees when she let her body stop moving about the house.
"You have to stop." Mary said, walking up and standing next to her.
"I can't stop." Lily snapped. Lily loved Mary, and she knew that she wouldn't have been able to get through the last few months without her, but they were both on each other's nerves just then. Mary had people that she cared about in the city as well, and she couldn't go anywhere to look for news other than the small town that was only a couple hours ride from the house, because she'd promised Moody that she would stay with Lily. And Lily couldn't go anywhere to get news because she had to think about Harry and Grace. She looked over at them and covered her mouth with her hand. "What if he doesn't come back?"
"Then we'll work through that." Mary reached out and took her hand and looked out the window as well. They were both looking for something that wasn't going to come while they were both staring out the window. "But you know he's going to come back."
"I don't know that." Lily snapped again and pulled her hand away from Mary. "I know that a great number of people want him dead, I know that he's self-sacrificing and noble and stupid and I know that he's going to do whatever he can to make sure that his men are safe. I don't know that he's going to come back to me." Her voice broke and she turned away from the window and leaned against the wall. "I can't take much more of this, Mary."
"I can't take much more of it either. You're incessant worrying is causing me to worry more than I would otherwise."
"It doesn't help that we're trapped in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and no one else around." Lily added, running a hand through her hair. "And it's- It's more than- I'm the queen. If James dies, then I'll be the regent and Harry will be put in the same position that James was in when his parents died. No one should have to become king that young."
"James isn't going to die." Mary said, sounding so sure that Lily almost allowed herself to believe it. But she held back. If she chose to believe that it was true, then she would be absolutely crushed if something did happen to him.
"I hope so. For all our sakes." She sighed, looked over her shoulder again, finding nothing but a vast white landscape, untouched and desolate. Then she took a deep breath, plastered a smile onto her face and joined her children on the floor.
"It's funny to think that they're the prince and the princess." Mary grinned as she settled into the chair nearest the fireplace. "Sitting there so content, on the floor of this place." She looked around the house and Lily did as well.
"It's certainly no castle." She agreed and then looked back at her children.
oOo
It was hard not to stop as they went through towns. People were grateful, and they wanted to tell him so. He didn't want to appear as though he was above their gratitude, because he wasn't, but he couldn't stay for much longer than whatever time the horses needed to rest before he dragged his friends onto the road.
It was still unbearably cold most of the time, but the sun was beginning to remember how to warm the earth these days. It would still be a month or so before the snow melted for good, but James' toes only felt as though they might fall off when the sun disappeared behind a cloud for too long, or when they road during the night (which Remus thought was pushing their luck.)
It was impossible not to stop for the day in Godric's Hollow. Not only had they pushed their horses to far to get to the town instead of staying in one of the smaller towns outside the city, but they had quite a few people that they wanted to check on in town.
"Where is she?" Gwen was the first one who approached them as they dismounted their horses and tied them to the post. James turned toward her, his brow raised.
"Hestia, I'm assuming?" He asked and then grinned. "She's all well and good. Taking care of people back in the city. I'm not sure what her plans were, but you're more than welcome to accompany us when we head back that way."
"Do you know where Lily is?" She asked quietly.
He nodded. "Moody gave me a map." Of sorts. He had to be careful with the flimsy piece of paper. If he took it out while it was snowing, it would probably disintegrate. "It's not too far from here." But it was too far to get there tonight if he were to get on a different horse and start riding. Besides, he couldn't just go on one horse. He need to bring a cart so that he could take his whole family and Mary back to town. It would be even more tedious riding from here on out. He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair.
"James!" He turned this time to see Molly rushing toward him and he smiled at her, moving forward to greet her. He was a bit surprised when she threw her arms around his neck and then pulled back, putting a hand on his cheek and cocking her head to the side, looking him over. "Hestia wrote and told me that you were injured. She told me that you probably wouldn't tell me yourself either. What happened?" James sighed, but wasn't surprised by that bit of news.
He allowed her to fuss over him for a bit before moving to greet her children. They all looked as though they'd grown another head taller since he'd last seen them. Fred and George showed him that they'd both lost a couple of teeth, and Ginny greeted him in a full sentence. His stomach clenched at the thought of how different his own children would be. He worried whether Grace would even remember him.
And then there was a set of little feet running at him that he wasn't prepared for. "Long live the king!" Grace and Scarlett cheered happily, both skipping around him cheerfully. It was his heart that clenched this time as he saw the smile on Scarlett's face and knew that he was going to have to tell her what happened to her father.
"Did you do it? Did you gut that mean old man?" Grace asked, her aunt walking up behind her with an absolutely horrified expression on her face.
"Grace! We do not speak like that!"
"Sorry, Auntie. Look, King James! It's my baby cousin, Harry! We're just like the Prince and Princess now." She gave him a toothy grin and James tried to return it in full, but his gaze kept shifting toward Scarlett.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Regulus standing there. "I'll tell her." He said quietly. "I've known both of them longer. I'll tell her." James didn't want to pass that job on to anyone else, but Regulus didn't wait for him to agree, he just held his hand out to Scarlett and nodded toward the pond.
Scarlett, bright girl that she was, bit her bottom lip and furrowed her brow as she reached out and took his hand. It was clear by the look on her face that she knew that she was about to get bad news and James looked down at his shoes, feeling as though there were rocks tumbling around in his stomach.
James had never figured Regulus one to play with the kids when they were back in the camp, but he hadn't figured Sirius for that role either until he'd seen Harry talking to him so animatedly about dragons.
They walked off and James shook his head. He'd felt such a high when he realized that he was going to get to see his family as they left the castle grounds, but getting here, getting back to this city that used to be one of his favorite places on earth, well it was forcing him to remember that not everything had worked out perfectly.
"She'll be alright." Molly said, having already worked out what Regulus was going to tell Scarlett.
"She hasn't got any other family." Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Sure, she does." Carrie said. "She's been staying with me and Grace for the past few months as it were."
"Her dad is dead?" Grace asked, her smile disappearing for perhaps the first time since James had met her. She looked at her aunt, who gave a small nod and then she started over toward the lake where Regulus now had his arm around Scarlett.
"Kids are resilient. So long as they got love, they'll be alright. Look at Gracie." Carrie said, and James looked at her and nodded.
"You're right. That doesn't mean that I don't wish that I had other news to give her."
James didn't want to stay in the manor that night. He didn't want to sleep in the bed that he'd shared with Lily a few months ago, but he also didn't want to make a fuss about it, and he knew that he needed to sleep, so after they had dinner at the tavern (which had been converted back to a tavern), he headed up to his room, sighing as he leaned against the doors after they'd closed.
Whatever evidence of a break in had been erased. Molly had offered him bits and pieces of information, but she kept telling him that he should just ask Lily when he saw her. She kept trying to convince him that it hadn't been a big deal, that Moody had got there in time, that Lily had been smart about it. And he knew that he'd believe it once he heard it from Lily, Molly knew that too, which was why she stopped asking questions after the first thirty minutes.
He stepped out of his boots, sent a generous thank you to whomever had started the fire and then started toward the bed.
He almost didn't notice the letter that had been left on his pillow in a very familiar handwriting.
All traces of exhaustion rushed from his body and he snatched at the parchment greedily, one hand in his hair as he scrambled over to the candle so he'd have light enough to read it.
My darling,
I feel as though the only way I can start this letter is by apologizing. Apologizing for not finding some way to tell you the truth. I agonize over however you are to find out, because when you do I doubt that you'll get the full story. I'm so sorry that I've elected to keep a secret from you, but I'm sure that you understand that it was necessary. I'm sure you know that I wouldn't have done it if I had another choice.
Or at least, I hope very much that you see it that way.
You should know that I am fine. Harry is fine. Grace is fine. Grace actually slept through the whole thing if you can believe it.
I can't know for certain that you'll ever get this letter, Moody might come and collect us and send us straight to the castle, or perhaps you won't stop here before you get to me, but I feel as though you will. You'll have wanted to see things for yourself, you'll want to check in on our friends. I hope they're doing as well as when I felt them.
Know that I love you and that I have every faith that by the time this letter is in your hands, you will have made safe our home.
I'll be waiting as long as you need,
Lily
He re-read the letter a few times and then held it over his heart and closed his eyes.
Waiting as long as you need.
It's what she'd been doing since the beginning, wasn't it? Waiting for him? Mainly to get his head out of his arse, but now this as well.
It was stupid, he knew, to feel any sort of guilt about her having to go into hiding. Maybe he should feel upset that no one told him, but he didn't. Moody and Lily had made the choice to keep it a secret to give Lily and the kids their best shot and he couldn't fault them for that. He was actually left in awe of his wife yet again. Picking up her life for the umpteenth time since they'd left the castle and adjusting so that their kids would stay safe. She was the strongest women he knew. He crumpled the letter slightly as his grip on it tightened.
He'd ride out ahead of the traveling party tomorrow. Make sure that everything they needed was there and then ride out ahead, leave the map with Sirius and just get to where she was a quickly as he could. That had to be what his friends were expecting anyway, right? There was no point on the journey down here where he hadn't obviously been playing the lovesick fool.
He finally got into bed with that, somewhat comforting thought in mind. He kept the note in his hand and tried his best to get a good night's sleep.
He woke the next morning before the sun, but it was near enough to sunrise that he knew that any attempts to get more sleep was useless. So he stuffed Lily's note in his pocket and tugged on his boots and pulled his cloak around his shoulder. When he made it to the front of the manor, he was surprised to see that there were quite a few people rushing about a cart and a few horses ambling about as well.
Molly smiled over at him. "Morning, dear. Sleep well?"
James cleared his throat and nodded. "As well as can be expected."
Sirius clapped him on the shoulder as he walked up beside him. "I'm going to ride ahead with you."
James looked over at him and couldn't help but laugh a bit. All of these people understood him rather well, and were keen to get to Lily as well. "I don't know how she'd feel about you being one of the first people she sees after all this."
"What are you talking about, Lily and I are great friends." Sirius shook his head and then started toward the horses. "Grab your breakfast, we're leaving before the sun is over the trees."
oOo
Lily was humming a song that Harry had made up and gotten stuck in her head as she was baking a loaf of bread. They were running out of supplies, and both she and Mary hadn't brought it up in front of the other. Apparently, they were just going to pretend that it wasn't happening until they couldn't pretend anymore.
They had no way of knowing how long they were going to be here. There was always the chance that something had happened to Moody if nothing else had gone wrong, and since he was the only one who knew where they were, if he died, they would be stuck here longer than was necessary.
But Lily kept trying to hope that everything had gone according to plan. It'd been over a month since Moody's letter and while it was still constantly on Lily's mind, she now had both cooking and knitting to try and keep her mind clear. Knitting hadn't actually turned out to be that difficult once she got familiar with the way she was meant to hold the needles.
She was worried that they'd run out of yarn as well as food.
"Mmm, that smells wonderful already, Lily." Mary said, taking a seat at the table with a mug of tea. "What did you put in it?"
"I found some rosemary." She smiled at her and continued to knead the dough she was working on as another cooked in the oven.
"Well I wish we'd have found that early." Mary sighed, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "Harry is outside playing again." She told Lily, though Lily already knew. "He's quite enjoying the snow now that it doesn't hurt you every time you walk outside."
"He's hated being shut up in here something awful." Lily agreed. "And he's wanted to explo-"
"Daddy!" A muffled shout came from outside the house and Lily's heart jumped to her throat. She looked up at Mary, who looked just as surprised as she did by Harry's unexpected outburst.
Then Lily spun on her heel, her bread completely forgotten, as she rushed across the room and threw open the door. She was just in time to see Harry running through the snow as James jumped off his horse, dropped to his knees and caught him. Harry had been running much faster than James seemed to have anticipated, and they almost fell back into the snow.
Lily felt as though she were frozen in the doorway. Her hand went up to cover her chest and she was having a hard time taking in a full breath as she watched something she hadn't allowed herself to fully hope for in weeks.
James was here. He'd come to get them, and he was here in front of her with Harry in his arms and he looked to be all in one piece.
"Well go and say 'hi.'" Mary nudged her from behind, and her oversimplification of what was happening caused Lily to let out a half-strangled laugh of sorts before she felt herself starting to smile. Her feet suddenly remembered how to move forward and she started across the yard.
James wasn't looking at her yet, he had his arms around Harry and she could tell, even from this distance, that they were clinging to one another. Her chest was tight, her heart was full, and she knew that she was going to start crying the moment he looked at her.
It was all too much. There was too much feeling in this moment and her breath would only come in shallow bursts and her hands were shaking. He was really here. He was really okay.
And then James was pulling away from Harry. He pressed a kiss to his forehead and said something quietly to him that Lily didn't hear that made Harry laugh and step back at the same time. James stood up and Lily was still walking slowly across the yard when his eyes found hers.
Time stopped.
Her feet refused to move again and she just reached up and covered her mouth. Everything kept rushing to the surface, everything that she'd been worrying about over the last few months and she felt it more acutely now that his hazel eyes were boring into hers. There was the guilt for lying, there was how scared she was to be on her own, that he wasn't going to come back, that she'd have to somehow explain all of that to Harry, that she was going to have to flee the country, that she was going to have to miss him with her whole heart for the rest of her life…
They just looked at one another for a moment, his emotions running through his eyes and she tried to pick them out- but they settled quite suddenly, and he started walking toward her.
She managed to take another step before he reached her, and she moved her hand away from her mouth, opening it to try and say something, but he didn't wait for her to figure out what should be said just then, he just pulled her against his chest and buried his face in her hair.
Those tears that she'd been barely holding back before began to fall freely now. She pulled her arms out from between them and wrapped them around him tightly. "You're here." She said quietly, "You're really here. I didn't- I hoped but I-"
He pulled back so that he could rest his forehead against hers and she saw that his eyes were wet as well. She tried to remember if she'd ever seen him cry before, but she couldn't think much past this moment right here.
She brought her hand up to cover his cheek, her thumb slowly running back and forth to wipe the tears aside. "I told you that I'd come back to you." His voice was raw, and her fingers clenched tightly at his cloak. She hadn't heard his voice in months.
"I know you did." She closed her eyes. "And I love you for keeping your promise." He started pressing kisses along her hairline and she hid herself in his chest again, letting the sound of his heartbeat ground in, hold her in this moment.
James let out a breathy laugh and shook his head. "You've given me a million reasons to keep my promises, love. I'm always going to come back to you." His hand reached up and cupped her cheek, tilting her face toward his own and then his lips were covering hers and it was like it was the first time all over again. The air was knocked out of her, her heart was in her throat, her fingers found their way into his hair and she clung to him, slightly desperate to get just a moment longer of this wholly perfect feeling in her chest.
And also, like the first time they kissed of their own accord, Sirius interrupted them.
"Oi, no one needs to see all that." He was setting Harry down when Lily pulled back and looked over at him. Unlike the first time he interrupted, she wasn't annoyed this time. She smiled at him and gave James' hand a quick squeeze before she walked toward Sirius and surprised both of them by giving him a hug.
"I'm very glad that you managed to stay alive, Sirius." She said, completely sincere. "And for keeping James safe as well."
"I can't take credit for the second." He said, averting his eyes for a moment. Lily knew that she hadn't been too kind to him as he was surly and vulgar most of the time and she didn't know how to be kind around someone like that, but she liked seeing him unsure like this. "He's the one who kept everyone else safe. Played it all very smart."
"But you're important to him and you're his friend. I'm sure you helped him plenty. Thank you." He waved off her comment, but she could tell that he appreciated it, even if he'd never say so. She looked over her shoulder and saw that Mary had come out of the house with Grace on her hip.
"Shit, she did get big." Lily looked at Sirius with a raised brow and then shook her head, smiling.
"She sure did." She agreed and then walked over. James seemed a bit more hesitant, and Lily knew why. She'd been worried that Grace wouldn't remember who James was when he got back to them. He'd been gone for almost half of her life, and for the last few months she hadn't really been around many strangers.
Lily walked over and took Grace from Mary, who gave Lily a quick reassuring smile. Lily turned back around and brushed her fingers along Grace's cheek. James walked up slowly and Lily was about to start talking to her daughter, telling her that this was her dad and whatever else she could think of that would calm her but Grace tilted her head and looked at James for a moment and then leaned forward and James reached up to take her from Lily's arms, looking at Lily as though she could explain what was going on.
Grace kept looking at James' face for a moment, then she reached up, and stuck her little hand in his beard and then rested her head on his shoulder. James closed his eyes and held her close with a hand on the back of her head.
"Mum! Can you pick me up?" Harry asked by her feet. She obliged and then James wrapped and arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.
"I've missed you all so much." James kissed Lily's forehead again. "More than I know how to say."
"We've missed you too, daddy." Harry grinned, trying to hug James around Grace and Lily now.
"How would you like to go home now, Harry?" James asked, kissing Harry's forehead as well.
"I'd love to go home. I've missed Ron and Fred and George and all the other's too."
"Not back to the Hollows, Harry. Back home." Lily grinned.
"Back to the castle?" Harry asked, his eye widening in surprise.
"Yes, my son. Back to the castle." James grinned. His eyes kept darting back and forth to each of them in turn.
"Can we take Ron with us?" He asked, pressing his lips together.
"I think Ron will want to stay with his family." Lily told him.
"They did used to live in the city." James reminded her. "We'll see if we can't entice them." He grinned, and Lily couldn't take her eyes off his smile.
And it hadn't all settled yet, it didn't quite seem real, she was still hoping that she wasn't about to wake up from some fantastical dream; but she felt whole again for the first time in a long time and that was a feeling that she was going to hold onto.
oOo
Four Months Later
James stood in front of the looking glass, his arms crossed over his chest and feeling like a prat in a costume instead of a king in proper attire. He ran a hand through his hair to try and feel a bit more like the person he'd become last year, but that only made it stick up and he knew that someone would come by and try and fix it sooner or later. He huffed and crossed his arms again.
"What's the matter, love?" Lily walked into the room, looking as though her gown was the most comfortable thing in the world. This was their first royal function since retaking the throne, and James was feeling surly about the entire thing despite the occasion.
"I'm not sure." He muttered, turning to look at her. "But you look absolutely perfect."
Lily grinned and did a playful spin before walking across the room till she was standing next to him. "This is our daughters' birthday, it's supposed to be a happy occasion." James automatically looked toward the children's chambers and nodded. True to his word, they had rearranged their living quarters when they moved back into the castle to make it feel homier.
"I know, but everything is different now and I feel a bit like a fraud dressed up like this."
"Everyone is going to be dressed up like that." She reminded him, reaching up to fix his hair that he'd ruined. He didn't mind it so much when she was doing it though and he felt himself start to relax under her touch.
"Of course but-" He broke off suddenly and shook his head.
"Hold still," She placed one hand on his cheek and continued to wok on his hair with the other. "You'll find a way to feel like yourself here again."
"After everything that happened I'm not so sure."
"James, this was your home." She stopped trying to fix his hair and look him in the eye. "Long before I was here, long before Riddle came out into the open, this was your home. And it will be again. It may take a while, it may take a bit of work, but we'll get there." She brushed her thumb over his cheek and he nearly forgot what he was annoyed with in the first place.
"We've already made quite a few changes for the better." He allowed, and Lily smiled at him and nodded.
"Exactly. And no one was more surprised than I when Sirius accepted your offer of knighthood."
"I wasn't surprised. He felt properly validated." James chuckled.
"And think about who will actually be at this ball tonight!" Her smile grew. "We actually have real friends that are going to be celebrating with us tonight. Some that we haven't seen in a while."
"Oh yes, Mary is going to be here tonight, isn't she?" He acted as though Lily hadn't told him this more than a dozen times since they'd woken up this morning.
She whacked him on the arm and pressed her lips together. "I've missed her terribly and I'm glad that she's back."
"She got married, darling, she didn't just run off."
"I know, and her and Reginald are very happy together, but I've missed her. She was my only adult companion for a good few months. She taught me how to knit." James laughed.
"Well I'm hoping that you haven't been suffering through my company since she's been gone."
"I mean you do pout a good deal more than her," She grinned, standing up on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. He turned his head to catch her lips on his instead and let his hands move to rest on her hips. She pulled back a bit. "We're not going to be late to our daughters first birthday, James."
"You started it."
"I most certainly did not." She laughed, and he kissed her again. "Are you feeling any better?" She asked.
"I still feel like I'm play dress up."
"Well I've always felt that way. We can play dress up together." She reached for his hand and then wove their fingers together. "And then, you know, after the ball…" Her cheeks flushed, and James felt his stomach clench in excitement.
"Yes?" He urged her to go on.
"Well if you don't like your clothes, then after the ball, I can help you out of them." She looked him in the eye for a moment and then bit her lip and looked down. James groaned and dropped his forehead against hers.
"You're not making me want to go to the ball you realize. Perhaps we should just stay in our room tonight." He squeezed her hand and she laughed quietly. "I'm not joking."
"Mum! Dad!" Lily looked back up at James and grinned.
"I don't think you have that option, my love." She pressed a quick kiss to his lips and then stepped back, keeping James' hand in hers. "What is it, Harry?" She called out.
Harry came rushing into the room, dressed up as well, though the clothes didn't seem to sit on his shoulder uncomfortably. He was comfortable in anything. "Look what Grace is wearing!" He looked delighted, as he did whenever he was talking about Grace. "I can't believe it's her birthday." He shook his head, probably looking exactly like James had this morning when he'd said the exact same thing. Lily laughed.
But then Grace came walking into the room, Emmeline behind her. She was wearing a dress that was much to fancy for a one year old to wear, but she looked absolutely charmed and James couldn't help but smile brightly at her. "Well look at you," He said, squatting down so that she could walk into his arms. "You look like a princess."
"She is a princess, dad." Harry pointed out, walking over to Grace. He patted her head and bent down so that they were eye level. "Isn't that right, little princess?" Lily put a hand on James shoulder and James reached out and scooped Grace up.
"Alright, I guess it's time to go down to the party. Can't keep the guest of honor from the people forever." Grace squealed happily and clapped her hands together.
"Well you heard her," Lily motioned toward the door. "Let's get a move on."
oOo
The overall feeling in the castle was different than it had been before. People were lighter, more carefree and Lily thought that it was because they had all fought for this life. They had all stood next to one another as equals and fought for a life free of Riddle.
She stood up on balcony that overlooked the ballroom and rested a hand on her stomach as she watched Harry run up to Remus as the Knight lifted him into the air, everyone around them laughing gleefully. When he set him down, Harry ran into the crowd with a gaggle of redheaded children following after him.
Emmeline came up to stand beside her, "Ma'am." She grinned, and Lily smiled at her. "Have you told him yet?" She asked, nodding at Lily's hand on her stomach. She quickly moved her hands to the railing.
"No." She shook her head. "I was going to wait until after the party." It had already been hard enough to get him to come tonight. If she'd told him that she was pregnant before the party, well she really didn't know how he was going to react. He'd be happy though, she knew that much.
"I don't like being the only one that knows, Lily." Emmeline sighed, and Lily chuckled.
"Well I'd apologize, but I didn't want word to get out at the ball. I want us to be able to enjoy it privately first. Make sure that everything goes well." She'd only worried to James, Molly and Emmeline about her fears that she wouldn't be able to have children anymore after she had been attacked in Godric's Hollow. But she had every reason to be hopeful now.
"I know," Emmeline sighed. "But it's quite a secret to carry around. I hope you have another little boy. Oh, but another girl would be so much fun too." Lily looked around them, trying to keep her smile from getting any bigger.
"Someone is going to hear you, Em." Emmeline pressed her lips together and nodded.
"What are they going to over hear her saying?" Lily's brows went up and she turned on her heel to see Mary standing in the doorway and she shouted out as she raced over to hug her.
"You were supposed to get in yesterday." Lily said as she held her friend close.
"I know, but you know what it's like to travel. We were delayed." Lily pulled back and looked for Reginald, but Mary waved her hand. "I told him to stay down below so that I could have some time with you. He's with his knight friends." She sounded so happy and Lily just smiled at her.
"So are you moving into the city now?" She asked, linking arms with Mary and walking back over to the rail so that they could watch over the party.
"I am, but I'm still curious as to what you and Em are keeping secrets about." She looked over her shoulder at Emmeline and Lily just shrugged.
"Em and I keep all kinds of secrets." She wanted to tell James next, so she'd have to keep it from Mary for a little while longer. "What about you? Do you have any secrets to share with me?"
Mary laughed and shook her head. "I think all the letters we wrote while I was gone kept you updated plenty." Lily had to agree with that for the most part.
They moved from the balcony to the dancefloor a bit later on and James found her. He passed Grace off to Mary who was more than happy to parade the guest of honor around for a while and then asked Lily to dance.
Lily smiled and accepted his hand, letting him lead her out onto the floor. "I think you were right," Was the first thing he said once they'd started dancing.
"Well I'm glad you think that. I usually am." She grinned, and his eyes found hers. He tilted his head.
"Yes, well, I was talking about the party. You were right about the party. It feels different then they used to. It actually feels like a party. Like we're all celebrating something together."
"I know." She grinned. "It's actually fun." She raised her brow and then laughed. "We actually have friends, and they're all here, and our children are happy, and Harry's friends are here too. Everything is different."
"And I'm forever grateful for that." Lily looked at him carefully, his hand in hers, his eyes locked on her and felt a rush of emotion swell in her chest.
"Very grateful." She agreed. "We're building something good here."
"It hasn't been all that long either. Think about how much greater things will be next year. Or five years from now. Twenty even." He sounded so hopeful and she squeezed his hand.
"Every day I get to spend with you is better than the last." She grinned, and his gaze softened.
"I love you, Lily. It's nice to be home, it's nice to not have to worry about where our next meal will come from, but you and the kids are all I need to be happy. I want you to know that."
Lily did her best to hide her smile, but it won out in the end. "I do know that." She said, moving her hand from his shoulder to the side of his neck, pulling him toward her. "I love you too, James. You were worth the wait."
And then she kissed him.