Chapter Text
Jin confidently sat in front of the camera, turning on the camera. After a huge discussion with his teammates and company, they agreed to allow Jin to do a live broadcast. He wanted to express himself to his fans, army. They deserved an explanation after his hiatus for 6 months; after everything they'd done for him, it was the least he could do to pay them back.
After the night he spent with Jungkook, his whole motive changed. He felt like a bird being let out of its cage. He felt free. Not having the voice to speak leaves people hopeless because of their inability to communicate with their peers normally, however, his silence left jin feeling the opposite. People tried harder to talk to him, to make him respond, they were more eager for his opinions, knowing that he won't respond. It left the people surrounding him helpless, yearning for his attention. He spent the majority of his hiatus in his room, cocooned in a blanket watching and rewatching their performances. He secretly practising when he knew no one was home, and the minute he would hear the slightest noise he would cower back into bed, like a child, before retreating back to the hardwood floor to practice even more. The routine was as strenuous as it sounded. As time slowly went on Jin started to question exactly what he was so afraid of back then. Was it the fact that the other members would see he was still diligent to the group when they were convinced he may leave? Was it because he craved the praise he got after showing them the fluidity of his dance despite him not dancing for "2" months? Whatever it was, Jin couldn't remember anymore.
The night with Jungkook shifted something in Jin. Instead of Jin being the carer, it was Jungkook for once. It felt nice to be cared for, to be the one in need. Throughout the night they whispered sweet nothings into each other's ears, exchanging compliments and secretly discussing affairs within the group. Jin even dared to give Jungkook a glimpse into his mind, into the inner turmoil he was currently facing. The feedback he received changed everything. In comparison to Jungkook's love, the negative thoughts that clouded his mind seemed microscopic.
The very next day, he sat down with the other members for the first time in weeks and openly discussed his problems. Slowly, and after hours of debate, they figured out that it would be best for Jin to slowly be introduced back into the spotlight. Thankfully, their comeback wasn't scheduled for another month. One of the ideas Jin had come up during the discussion was a vlive, something that almost immediately faced the backlash
"So its time I told you guys about what has been happening"Jin started nervously. He would be his usual bubbly and arrogant self but for once his personality didn't suit the topic. " I'll start off with what happened when I ran away."
He paused again to recollect his thoughts. Jin had already practised his monologue twice too.. but he still struggled to form a coherent sentence.
"Even though I have known for the longest time that you guys love me and have and will carry on supporting me throughout my whole career, there was a time I just felt lacking as a person let alone an artist. When you are in the spotlight all the time with every move you make is being documented, you realize very quickly how insecure you can become. Every mistake I make is recorded and noted down, so from the very beginning I have been striving for perfection. I have been striving to become this godlike figure who is perfect at dancing, perfect at singing and has the most desirable personality. You may not see it on camera but I started to become a person that didn't meet those expectations.
"Over a period of time, I just gave up on everything. One day I decided that this was not a life I deserved to live and I ran away, worrying everyone along the way and causing mass destruction. I am here to apologize to everyone that was concerned from the bottom of my heart."Jin had to take a deep breath after saying that. Now that he had started, there was no going back. His emotions were now going to be completely exposed,
However, I would not take it back. Along the way, I learned to love myself again and to cherish the small things in life. Even though my mental state was very poor I became a better and happier version of myself that you guys see in front of you. It may be hard to believe but it is the truth. I wanted to take some time to tell all of my viewers that it's ok not to be okay. Yes, there is constant pressure on every single one of you to live up to expectations, and pressure is good. However please spend some time looking after yourself and don't ever overwork yourself. Don't fear to be a burden when you want to speak about your troubles because that's exactly what I did, and as you guys saw, I didn't benefit from it."
"I would like to finish off by saying that I live every single one of you and will strive to be healthier. Thank you"
Jin smiled at the camera and turned it off. He sunk down on the chair with a huge sigh. It was as if every worry had been lifted off his shoulders. His phone chimed from multiple notifications on Twitter. His life was blowing up.
"You did great" a voice at the door shocked him. It was Jungkook, who stared at him with a loving smile. " I was surprised that u didn't start crying " he snorted.
"Shut up. I tried my best " jin pouted as jungkook walked towards him and kissed him.
"Ye, you did".