Chapter Text
“You’re going to have to tell Taeil before tomorrow, you know,” Doyoung speaks in a hushed voice later, while they’re sat in the food court eating lunch. “That you know him from the Dream in a Dream.” He eats a fork-full of pasta, nearly dropping sauce on the tabletop, before continuing. “There’s tapes of the two of you interacting in your presentation.”
“Shit,” Taeyong curses, loud enough to catch the attention of people walking past. Sheepishly, he apologises and lowers his voice. “I’d forgotten about those.”
Before Johnny can respond, a tray is dropped on the table next to him, and Yuta clambers onto the edge of the bench, still smiling. “I hope you don’t mind if we join you?” Ten opens his mouth to speak, but is cut off by Taeyong, nodding enthusiastically at Yuta’s question. Johnny laughs at Taeyong’s sudden eagerness. His face falls when, seconds later, Taeil sits down directly opposite him, a plate of fries in one hand and a smoothie in the other, almost spilling his food as he tumbles into his seat.
The silence that follows is long and uncomfortable, filled by a backdrop of chatter from the other tables and the planes flying overhead, jetting to and from the airport, up into the clouds above. Doyoung pulls out his phone and starts texting, right as Yuta shoots Taeyong a dazzling smile, and the latter swallows one of his fries the wrong way, coughing before Ten can hit his back, far more aggressive than necessary.
“I hope you’re planning on attending our Lab’s talk tomorrow.” Johnny states, spitting out the first words that come to mind, hoping to shatter the silence that falls around them like ice.
From across the other side of the table, Taeil laughs, his eyes fixed on Johnny. “You’re quite forward aren’t you?” Somewhere, in the spaces between Taeil’s words, Johnny feels his heart break.
“Just impulsive.” He echoes, the humour in his voice not quite reaching his eyes. Taeil doesn’t seem to notice, smiling and continuing to eat his fries, snatching his plate away from Yuta as the other dream scientist tries to steal a handful.
“ I’m going to come and watch,” Yuta states. It occurs to Johnny that his line of sight lands on Taeyong for a little too long, as if judging his response. “I’m excited to see what this new discovery you’ve made is.”
“I’ll come and see, but only if you come to my presentation this afternoon,” Taeil bargains, good natured, then his expression melts into something a little more open, a little more vulnerable. “It’s my lab’s first Dream Science conference, so I’m going to need all the support I can get.”
“What’s your area of research, if you don’t mind me asking?” Ten questions, before the conversation can move on to another topic.
Taeil only gives a wry smile in response. “You’ll have to come to my presentation to find out.”
There’s a brief pause, then Yuta reaches across the table and slaps Taeil in the arm, with a grin on his face and a threat to steal Taeil’s food if he isn’t quiet.
-
Johnny’s knees collide with the back of the chair in front of him for the fifth time as he shifts impatiently in his seat again, agitation causing him to become restless. Taeyong looks equally as nervous, sitting with his hands folded in his lap, watching the empty stage in front of them with a worried expression. From somewhere off at the side of the stage, there’s a cough, picked up by a microphone, then Taeil walks on, fumbling with the remote for the projector a little, before turning it on and rectifying himself. He’d brushed his hair and changed clothes since Johnny had last seen him, throwing on his lab coat to complete the look.
“Thank you all for coming,” There’s a slight shakiness to his voice as he speaks, and Johnny wants nothing more than to shout out to him that everything will be fine. He remains silent. “My name is Dr. Moon, head researcher of the London-based Dream Lab 21,” Taeil surveys the crowd, ensuring that everyone is paying attention, before switching the slides of the presentation behind him. “The association of Dreams and Reality is an integral concept within Dream Science. However, what if we could break the connection between our waking selves and our dream selves? At Dream Lab 21, that’s what we’ve managed to achieve.”
Around Johnny, things start falling into place, explanations forming with every word that Taeil speaks, running through his presentation with growing confidence.
“Studies have shown that at least 5% of the adult population is plagued by nightmares that cause a major disruption to their daily lives. A further 2.2% will also suffer frequent night terrors. That’s why we came up with the idea of breaking the links between a person’s dream self and their waking self, in order to help the people whose dreams do not cause them the break from reality that they need,” Taeil changes the slide once again. “After many months of experiments, we found a way to do just that. Despite previous speculation, we have found that there are, as of now, no detrimental side effects of complete separation of a person from their dream self,” Taeil pauses for effect, and Johnny finds himself holding his breath. “Take me, for example. I’m able to function well enough to stand up here and talk to you- yet I have no connection whatsoever to my dream self.”
Oh.
-
When Taeil attempts to approach Johnny after his presentation, hair messed up once again and his lab coat thrown over his shoulder, an exhilarated grin upon his face, Johnny excuses himself, and walks in the opposite direction, forcing down the urge to look over his shoulder as he goes.
[Dreaming]
That night, Johnny dreams of Taeil- not in the way he usually does, with the warmth of his hand pressed against his own, walking down the fog-filled streets of the Dream in a Dream- but instead in a dark corridor, where Johnny runs to catch up, but can never quite reach him.
When he wakes, he notes that he’s never missed Taeil’s raincloud as much as he does now.
[Awake]
“Nervous?” Yuta somehow manages to find his way into the backstage area of the lecture theatre, propping himself up on a crate of sound equipment as Taeyong and Johnny get their microphone batteries checked. His hair is fully styled this time, and he smells suspiciously of supermarket perfume samples. When Taeyong shakes his head, contrasting the way he grips his microphone with white knuckles and shaky hands, Yuta laughs. “I guess it shouldn’t bother you too much if I tell you that Dr. Qian will be watching then.”
“Okay, out,” Doyoung attempts to usher Yuta out of the way at the panicked look that takes over Taeyong’s features, eyes wide and the shaking of his hands growing worse. “If you’re going to be unhelpful then you have to leave.”
“Good luck, both of you.” Yuta’s voice takes on a more sincere tone, before he leaves, disappearing into the crowd outside. For a while, there’s near-silence, Taeyong reciting his lines under his breath and Johnny attempting to calm his nerves, while hoping that, by some stroke of luck, Taeil decided not to attend, not to show up.
“You did tell him, right?” Ten catches Johnny’s attention, as one of the conference staff reminds them that it’s two minutes till they go on stage.
Shaking his head, Johnny sighs. “I couldn’t find the time to.” He knows it’s nothing but an excuse, to cover up the fact that he’s too scared of what Taeil might say. He knows the Taeil from the Dream in a Dream would laugh, that he would find the situation amusing in a strange sort of way. But the real Taeil- a Dream Scientist with years of research behind him, sure of where he’s going and what he’s doing- Johnny doesn’t know what he’d do.
“Well, It’s too late now,” Ten glances towards the exit into the main lecture theatre. “I saw him out there earlier- you’ll just have to hope it goes down well with him.”
Johnny is about to admit how scared he is, how he wants nothing more than to turn and leave, to hide back in his hotel room and sleep the day away in the hopes that he will dream of apples and rain clouds once again. Then the conference staff force the remote for the projector into his hand, and push him out onto the stage.
-
“One of the other researchers at Dream Lab 18, Johnny Seo, will take the presentation from here.” Taeyong’s shoulders visibly relax as he finishes his part of the talk without any faults, running off his lines perfectly, describing in depth the process and analytic results of the samples uncovered from the Dream in a Dream, maintaining the full interest of the audience the whole time.
Overly aware of Taeil’s presence in the third row, Johnny feels vulnerable, as if the stage lights are picking out every one of his flaws before he can even open his mouth and speak. He considers leaving, turning and running off the stage to avoid the pairs of eyes staring up at him, waiting. He lets out a breath, steadying his shaking hands around his microphone, and, rooting his feet to the stage, starts to speak.
“The samples that Dr. Lee showed you in the initial slides were all from before we discovered a very important variable, one that we previously did not consider,” Johnny changes the slide. “These samples are from after that variable was introduced. As you can see, the difference is very clear.” He waits for people to take notes, talking quietly to one another in hushed voices.
“This clip, showing one of my own forays into the Dream in a Dream, depicts just what it was that made this improvement in the quality of samples possible,” Upon the projector screen, the footage plays, the twisted buildings and star-filled sky of Johnny’s dreams forming the backdrop as Taeil, shielded by his umbrella, hands Johnny a rose. Once the footage ends, Johnny doesn’t dare look in Taeil’s direction. “An emotional connection within the Dream in a Dream seems to be the key to a much deeper linkage between our waking selves and our dreaming selves.”
Across the hall, the conversation grows louder, people turning to the side to discuss with their lab partners, to take notes, to send messages to colleagues waiting elsewhere. When Johnny finally dares to look, Taeil, sitting in the third row, hasn’t moved at all.
-
“Johnny!” Exiting the lecture theatre, Johnny freezes at the sound of Taeil, shouting his name from somewhere in the crowd, pushing his way closer. Options flash briefly through his mind- stay in place, run in the opposite direction, drop everything and hide. Taeil is in front of him before he can choose what to do, consolidating the first option for him.
“Yeah?” Johnny knows he likely looks ridiculous- all six foot of him ready to drop his laptop and dive for cover behind the nearest stall, torn between hugging Taeil and never letting go, or running away from him and never looking back. His voice comes out shaky, mouth dry. A brief glance to his side reveals that Taeyong, Ten and Doyoung have abandoned him, taking a hasty exit to somewhere else in the conference hall, far away from Johnny, Taeil and the weighted silence that sits between them.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Taeil frowns. “That you were fraternizing with my dream self.”
“Please- it sounds awful when you put it like that,” Johnny covers his face, to avoid eye contact and to hide the unflattering redness that his face would likely be taking on, embarrassment flooding him. “There’s no easy way to explain to someone that you’ve fallen for them when they don’t even recognise you. I didn’t know how you’d react and I was scared.”
“You could have at least given some sort of warning,” To Johnny’s surprise, there’s an air of amusement about Taeil, the brief hints of a smile beginning to peek through his frown. “Yuta is never going to let me hear the end of it. ‘Who knew your dream self was such a player?’ ”
“I’m sorry- it was just a shock to me, to see you in person,” Johnny finds himself staring toward his shoes, anything to avoid meeting Taeil’s eyes. “And to find that you didn’t recognise me.”
Taeil doesn’t respond for what seems like hours, the conference going on around them as background noise, warm indoor lighting and the hum of chatter falling into the space between them. Johnny dares to look up. The sight of Taeil, standing in a room that doesn’t twist itself out of shape as if it’s alive, with no rain cloud above his head or any umbrella in his hand, still feels surreal.
“Can I take you out for coffee?” Of all the responses Johnny had predicted, that was not one he was expecting. “I want to get to know the person my dream self must think so highly of.”
“I-” The thought of declining pushes itself to the front of Johnny’s mind, then- at the genuine smile that Taeil throws in his direction, no hints of any previous hesitance left in his eyes- dies on his tongue. “I’d really like that.”
-
“I do admit that I have a little bit of an ulterior motive through inviting you here,” They find a cafe a short walk from the conference hall, small and cosy with plants in the window and paintings on the wall, delightfully artsy. It occurs to Johnny, as they sit eating cake, that he finally got to take Taeil out for coffee, albeit under different circumstances than he had ever predicted. “What was my dream self like? It’s pretty important to keep track of how he’s doing, and none of the other researchers in my lab could seem to find him.”
“He seemed a bit confused- and was being constantly followed by a rain cloud, but other than that, he seemed okay.” Johnny explains, between sips of his coffee.
At the mention of the rain cloud, Taeil laughs, loud and amused. “Oh wow, the other researchers at the lab are going to have a field day with that. In my diagrams I always drew the waking self represented by the sun, and the dreaming self represented by clouds because my artistic skills don’t really extend to people. Who knew that I’d be condemning myself to weeks of being rained on.”
Johnny hesitates a little before he speaks again. “Do you have any plans on trying to figure out how to reconnect your waking self and your dream self?”
“That’s what we’re working on now, it’s difficult though,” Taeil shoots an apologetic glance in his direction. “Once we figure it out, I’ll make sure you’re one of the first people to know.”
Johnny finds himself relaxing into Taeil’s presence, the initial worry working its way out of his system and melting into the air along with the steam from his coffee cup. Replacing it, comes the warm comfort of talking to Taeil, familiar yet new all the same, building so much more onto the vague foundations of a person that he had met in his dreams. The real Taeil is bright, filling the cafe with sunshine and witty remarks, laughing as Johnny almost spills his coffee, firing back theories about Dream Science and admitting that he forgot to pack a hairbrush in his suitcase.
“How long will you be staying in LA after the conference?” Taeil asks before they leave, insisting on paying for their drinks. He bats Johnny’s hands away as he tries to pull out his own wallet, contact lingering a little too long, and Johnny feels his heart rate pick up a little, unwilling.
“Our flight back to Seoul isn’t till Thursday, so I still have quite a few days.” At Johnny’s answer, Taeil grins.
“I don’t go back to London till Wednesday night,” As they walk back to the conference hall, he pulls his phone out of his pocket- the lock screen a photo of one of the prisms from the Dream in a Dream- unlocking it and handing it to Johnny to put his number into. “You should text me so we can spend more time together before we both leave.”
“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Johnny hesitates, before typing in his number, saving the contact under ‘Johnny the dream scientist’. “You don’t have to feel like you owe me anything just because I caught feelings for your dream self.”
“What, I’m not allowed to actually want to spend time with you?” Taeil raises his eyebrows, questioning. “Besides, it’s not like my dream self is a whole other person. We have the same tastes.”
With that, they reach the entrance to the conference hall, and Taeil leaves, waving over his shoulder at Johnny as he goes.
-
Taeyong, Ten and Doyoung are nowhere to be found, so Johnny resigns himself to eating lunch with Yuta, finding him close to the entrance to the conference hall, chatting to a member of conference staff. The dream scientist grins at Johnny over his bowl of ramen. “So, Dr. Moon?”
“So,” In response, Johnny fixes Yuta with an even stare. “Dr. Lee?” His words thrown back at him, Yuta splutters, choking on his orange juice. He tries to cover his face, schooling his expression back into something more neutral.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” If the mild look of distress that still remains on Yuta’s face is anything to go by, Johnny guesses he’s lying.
“If it’s any help, Taeyong thinks it’s attractive when people talk science to him,” Johnny hides a laugh at the sight of Yuta trying to pretend that he’s not taking in the information, hiding his face behind a spoonful of broth from his ramen. “So if you rant to him about the precise functions of your lab’s Dream machine, you’ll be just fine.”
Yuta nods, a little dazed-looking. “Taeil likes ice cream.” He attempts to recover himself by reaching up to rub at his face as if it will help it return to a more normal complexion. Johnny doesn’t have the time to tell him he’s just making it worse, before Ten slams a tray of pastries down on the table beside him and directs the conversation towards himself.
-
New text from: Johnny the dream scientist
[17:53]
Do you want to get ice cream tomorrow?
-
Johnny soon finds that time spent with Taeil passes quickly- the hands of the clock whisking through minutes and hours and, before either of them have the time to notice it, meeting for ice cream has turned into buying lunch and sitting on a wall-side by the road, chatting over the noise of the cars driving past as the sun cloaks them in a warm glow. Lunch turns into shopping, sorting through clothes stores with no intention of buying anything, taking it in turns to find the most luridly bright items they possibly can. Then shopping turns into dinner, eaten in a small independent restaurant with warm lights and rustic decorations, which leads into a walk under the setting sun, the sky stained with pink and gold as the planes fly overhead and the world prepares itself for sleep.
With every step they take together, Johnny can’t help but find himself falling further and further, every laugh and every touch that lingers a little too long on his arm sending him tumbling out of control.
As they sit on a bench, the sun dipping below the edge of the horizon and the last of its light catching in Taeil’s hair like threads of gold, Johnny knows he couldn’t stop himself from falling for a second time even if he tried.
-
“I still don’t get how you’re so calm about this whole situation,” Johnny muses, mostly to himself, as Tuesday rolls by and he and Taeil sit in a cafe once again, both immersed in work as they sit in comfortable silence. “If my dream self was going around kissing strangers without me knowing I’d at least be a little perturbed.”
Taeil shrugs, closing over his laptop screen. The back of it has a small sticker of a cartoon owl in the corner. “I’m used to weird stuff by now, honestly. When you’ve been studying dream science for this long, you become desensitized to out of the ordinary stuff.”
“How long have you been studying it for?” Johnny asks, confused, vaguely recalling Yuta mentioning that Taeil’s lab had only been active for a year at most.
“I was one of the people who helped Kun make the first functioning Dream Machine,” Taeil throws the statement out so casually that it almost flies over Johnny’s head. Almost . “That’s how I know him so well.”
“Seriously?” Johnny asks, disbelieving. It briefly crosses his mind that he’s glad he didn’t bring Taeyong along- the other researcher would likely be asking questions close to a hundred miles an hour, speaking too fast for his own mouth to catch up.
Taeil nods. “I wasn’t hugely involved, but sitting in a lab around a makeshift machine constructed out of old TV screens and monitor parts watching someone else’s dream for the first time- it kind of gets you used to weird things.”
“That must have been pretty special to see,” Johnny tries to keep the awestruck tone out of his voice. “I remember seeing about it on the news and being so excited to see that studying dreams might become something more than a pseudo-science.”
Shrugging, Taeil opens up his laptop again with a smile. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t in it mostly for the snacks Kun would bring along to the lab with him.”
-
Text from: Johnny the dream scientist
[01:19]
Thank you for dealing with this whole stupid situation so well
I don’t know what I would have done if you’d decided to hate me
Text to: Johnny the dream scientist
[01:24]
Why are you awake still?
Also don’t worry about it
I’m not exactly getting anything bad from it, am I?
Text from: Johnny the dream scientist
[01:28]
I’m babysitting drunk Ten and Taeyong because Doyoung abandoned me
Yuta is a bad influence
[01:33]
I’m just grateful that you were happy to spend time with me
Text to: Johnny the dream scientist
[01:35]
It’s not like you’re bad company
You’re smart and you make me smile
Plus you don’t make fun of me for studying dreams for a living
What would there possibly be to dislike about you?
Text from: Johnny the dream scientist
[01:45]
Are you usually this forward? :^)
Text to: Johnny the dream scientist
[01:49]
Not usually
You seem to have made yourself an exception
[01:56]
Goodnight Johnny
Sweet dreams
-
“I’m going to be trying to reverse the separation process of my waking self from my dream self.” Taeil announces before Johnny sees him off to the airport, standing in the hotel lobby with his suitcase in hand, a hat pulled down so Johnny can’t quite see his eyes. He looks as if there’s something on his mind, eating away at him slowly, steadily.
“You clearly know what you’re doing,” Johnny reassures. “If anyone can manage it, then it’s you.”
Taeil smiles a little, then lifts the edge of his hat a little so he can meet Johnny’s eyes. “In the meantime, I don’t want to find that you’ve let my dream self replace the real me again.” from the expression on Taeil’s face, Johnny can’t quite tell if he’s joking or not.
“I won’t.” He promises, voice falling somewhere between humour and sincerity.
“Just in case,” First, there’s silence, then, standing on tiptoes, Taeil reaches up and kisses Johnny, fingertips brushing against his face so light that he wonders if he imagined it. This time, there’s no rain or stars surrounding them, just the lights of the hotel lobby and the cars driving past outside of the automatic doors- it feels so real, so much so that Johnny forgets to breathe. “Don’t be a stranger.”
With that, Taeil picks up his suitcase and takes his leave, whisking out of the door before Johnny can even catch his breath.
If Johnny pinches the back of his own hand, just to make sure he’s not dreaming, he’d never tell anyone.
[Dreaming]
As Johnny sits on a swingset next to Taeil, fog weaving its way around his legs and the stars hanging too close in the sky, he finds himself, for the first time in a while, wishing he could be awake instead. Taeil- the dream one- looks at him, curious, hanging onto his umbrella to block out the rainstorm that hangs over his head.
“Is something bothering you?” He asks, kicking the ground so the swing moves a little. “You look all spaced out.”
And Johnny is torn- because the person beside him looks like Taeil, talks like Taeil, tells the same bad jokes as Taeil. But he doesn’t feel quite real, his smile doesn’t reach his eyes in the same way, his hands aren’t as warm, he doesn’t launch off into tangents about dreams and time and space, the way Johnny came to love. “Everything is fine.” Johnny lies through his teeth.
They walk through twisted streets, trees branching into crystal leaves above their heads and the grass playing music, humming and whispering as if it were alive. Despite the beauty around him, despite the feeling of Taeil’s hand against his, Johnny no longer feels at home.
[Awake]
“Isn’t it a little early for you?” Somewhere in the corner of his screen, Johnny can see Taeil rummaging around in one of the drawers in his lab, looking for his notebook. His lab coat sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and his goggles are pushed up on his forehead, hair sticking up almost comically behind them. The clock on the wall of his lab reads 6PM, whereas the clock in Johnny’s bedroom reads 3AM.
“Not really,” Johnny lies, trying to hold back a yawn. He has his phone propped up against a stack of books on the desk in the corner of his bedroom, facetime open. “I slept in the lab again anyway, so it doesn’t make much difference.” He props his chin up in his hands, watching as Taeil pulls the notebook out of the draw, a stack of tapes coming out with it and collapsing onto the lab floor.
“I’ll clean that up tomorrow.” Taeil casts a disdainful glance back at the tapes, then makes his way back to where he has his own phone propped up against the wall, dropping his notebook down on the worksurface.
“Taeyong would have a fit if any of us did that.”
Taeil grins. “It’s my lab, nobody can tell me what to do,” He begins to leaf through his notebook, scanning pages and placing in sticky notes to mark the ones that he feels are of interest. “So how are things going on at your lab? You haven’t called in a few days so I’m assuming something was keeping you busy.”
“The samples are still coming out badly,” Johnny sighs, thinking back to the disastrous set of objects he had pulled out of the Dream in a Dream over the course of the week, hardly any of them recognisable as what they started off as. “It’s giving us more evidence toward the hypothesis that emotional connection to something in dreams makes the influence they have more powerful, but it’s not great for our actual research.” Thinking back to the strained smile on Taeyong’s face as he wakes up to another misshapen apple, another wilted rose, Johnny buries his head in his hands, hoping that the low lighting in his room doesn’t betray too much of the disappointment upon his features.
“Well, since when has research ever gone to plan.” As he always does, Taeil manages to read him like an open book.
“How about on your end?” Johnny changes the topic before he can let guilt further eat away at him. “Made any progress?”
Taeil shakes his head. “You’d think that in three months we’d have managed to get something,” He sighs. “But not a single thing has worked. I think some of the lab assistants have started to get it into their heads that the process is irreversible.”
“And what do you think?” Johnny asks, and Taeil studies his notebook for a little longer, reading something over once, and once again.
“I think that dream science in itself is impossible,” Taeil takes a pen and scribbles something down on the edge of the page, before marking it with a sticky note and moving on. “But when have any of us let that phase us before?”
They talk until the sun starts to rise outside of Johnny’s window, and, across the other side of the world, the sun sets over Taeil’s lab, the faint glow of the streetlamps flooding in through the blinds, pulled shut across the windows. As Taeil packs his bag to head home, and Johnny packs his to go out, an unspoken ‘see you soon’ hangs in the air, and they disconnect once again.
[Dreaming]
Johnny has only had to use the code to signal that he needs to be pulled out of a dream once before- when he found himself falling, dropping out of the sky through the stars and clouds, until the lurching feeling of being uprooted ripped him from the dream, hitting the lab floor to the sight of Ten staring at him in distress.
There’s something almost restless about the Dream in a Dream when he enters, cold and unsettling. The fog is too dark, the stars too close, the world around him too silent as he stands, unable to find an explanation. Everything feels alien, like it’s foundations have been uprooted and rearranged, put back into place haphazard and incorrect. It’s almost like the whole dream is ready to collapse under itself. If the faces of the passersby, dream scientists and shadows of memories alike, are anything to go by, he’s not the only one to feel it too.
Amongst the unsettling stillness, Johnny panics, and signals to be woken up.
[Awake]
Text from: Taeil!
[18:14]
We’ve ran out of safe options to try, so I’m going to do something dangerous instead
I knew you’d try and talk me out of it if I mentioned it to you earlier, so I didn’t tell you
If things don’t go well
Don’t be angry at me
I love you
[Dreaming]
When Johnny finally fights his way past the worry that hangs over him like a storm cloud, heavy with rain, his dreams bring him no relief. Trapped in the dark, he runs and runs and runs to no avail- and awakes with his breath caught in his throat to the sound of his phone ringing.
[Awake]
Despite the call coming from Taeil’s phone, it’s Jungwoo, one of the assistants at Dream Lab 21 who speaks down the line, his voice brimming with panic. It takes him a while to get the words out, the phone line breaking up and the shaky tone to his voice obscuring his sentences. However it doesn’t take Johnny long to catch onto the fact that something is very, very wrong.
“Jungwoo, calm down.” It takes all of Johnny’s willpower to keep his own voice steady, to calm his breathing and to stop his heart from leaping out into his stomach. He kicks his bedcovers off, sitting up and staring out of his window, past the curtains he forgot to close and into the streets below.
“Taeil went into the Deep Dream to try and re-establish a connection with his dream self,” Johnny curses under his breath- unsure of whether he’s angry at Taeil for being reckless, or at himself for not picking up on it sooner. “He’s been in there so long and we can’t get him to wake up.”
One of the first lessons of dream science- the Deep Dream is dangerous, terrifyingly so. Likened to the Marianas Trench of dreams, It’s an unexplored place filled with darkness and staircases and endless nothingness, stretching out as far as the eye would ever dare to look. There’s a brief moment where Johnny thinks back to a phone call, early afternoon for himself, early morning for Taeil, when the world fell silent for a moment as Taeil laughed about how dream science had ruined his perception of danger.
It isn’t until Johnny is throwing on his coat and shoes and running out into the night towards the Dream Lab, that he finds himself inclined to agree.
[Dreaming]
The Deep Dream has never caused so much fear in Johnny before. Every day he passes through it, a brief interlude of eyes raining petals and darkness, a brief hop into the abyss to make it to the Dream in a Dream across the other side. However now, locked inside of it with no way out of the other end, Johnny can’t help but feel terrified
He knows what he’s doing is dangerous. Breaking every rule in the book- prolonged exposure to the Deep Dream, Dreaming unsupervised, nobody there to help him if things go wrong, nobody to get him out. There’s a point where he considers turning back, waking up and curling up in the lab corner, hiding under the fluorescent lights and work surfaces.
The thought of late night phone calls and unspoken confessions, whispered down the phone line, half a world apart, is enough to urge him onwards.
Here there’s no prisms, no fog or stars or crystalline flowers. Breathing is hard and he isn’t sure if it’s from fear or lack of oxygen, nothing around him but the world still suffocating him all the same. Time seems to fall past in an irregular pattern, and it occurs to Johnny that he isn’t sure if he’s been walking for minutes or hours. The thought of being trapped, lost and timeless, doesn’t bear thinking about.
To keep himself sane, Johnny talks under his breath, voicing anything that comes to mind- pages of textbooks he read to the point of memorisation, phone numbers, general knowledge trivia and all the things he wanted to say to Taeil, spoken out into the nothingness of the Deep Dream.
Then, under a staircase, flipped upside down with no regard for gravity, ascending into nothing, he sees Taeil.
Johnny runs, stumbling over his own feet and shouting as loud as he’s able to, reaching out towards Taeil. He doesn’t respond, doesn’t move, but Johnny holds on tight, arms wrapped around him and refusing to let go, a tangle of limbs and panicked words. His eyes are shut tight, like Taeil would disappear if he dared to look.
There’s silence, too long and too still, before the Deep Dream collapses under Johnny’s feet, and he falls.
[Awake]
When Johnny opens his eyes, he’s not surrounded by the darkness of the Deep Dream, or the twisted buildings of the Dream in a Dream beyond it- but instead he finds himself sprawled out on the familiar floor of Dream Lab 18. Under the harsh, artificial lighting of the lab, the bulb in the corner broken and flickering, Johnny has never felt more at home.
From off at Johnny’s side, there’s a sharp intake of breath, and turning over, he finds Taeil lying next to him, gasping in breaths as if he had forgotten what oxygen in his lungs felt like, staring up at the lab ceiling with wide eyes.
They lie, dazed on the floor for what feels like hours, Taeil reaching over and tangling his fingers with Johnny’s- warm and real and alive . Johnny isn’t sure if it’s reassurance for Taeil or for himself, but he welcomes it regardless, pulling himself closer. Around him there’s a lingering fear that if he moves too fast or looks away for too long, the world will collapse under him once again.
“I remember everything,” It’s Taeil who speaks first, dragging himself into an upright position and staring at Johnny with equal parts amazement and shock. “I remember you- and the apples and the crystal flowers and the swings in the park.” He stares like he can’t quite believe his eyes, as if he’s waiting to finally wake up somewhere else, far away.
“Is it good to remember?” Johnny asks, hesitant, and, before he can say another word, Taeil leans over and kisses him hard, hands grabbing the edges of his coat, before pulling away and laughing at the sight of Johnny’s pyjamas, poorly hidden by his coat and trainers.
Somewhere outside of Dream Lab 18, the sun starts to rise, and as the world begins to wake up, Johnny and Taeil sleep, caught up in one another’s arms, dreamless.
‘Hypothesis: when someone is emotionally bound to something within their dreams, the connection between their waking self and their dreaming self will be much stronger, allowing them to achieve things that would previously have seemed impossible.’
[Dreaming]
“Shouldn’t you be packing instead of hanging around in here?” Johnny sighs at the sound of Taeil’s voice, coming from somewhere in the tree above him. A glance upwards reveals the other dream scientist perched amongst the leaves and prisms, lab coat tied around his shoulders like a cape and the sky above his head absent of clouds- raining or otherwise.
“I could be asking you the same thing,” Calling back up into the leaves, Johnny rolls his eyes. “It’s 10 o’clock at night where you are- go to bed or you’ll be too tired to do anything at the conference other than sleeping in the back of one of the lecture theatres.”
“I wanted to catch you before we both leave tomorrow,” Taeil scrambles down from the tree branch he’s perched on, tripping and falling, grabbing onto Johnny to steady himself. Glancing upwards, he grins. “Oh look- I fell for you.”
“Cheesy,” Johnny shakes Taeil free from his arm, a flower sprouting at his feet and collapsing seconds later as he does so. “Why is it that we always end up in here together at the most inconvenient times?”
A shrug slides off Taeil’s shoulders, nonchalant. “At least I’m going to remember it when I wake up.” Sitting down on the grass, Taeil pats the ground beside him, motioning for Johnny to sit and make himself comfortable for the few short moments they have to rest before moving on with their lives. Johnny is aware that back in the lab, Taeyong will be reciting his presentation, Ten will be riling him up about the emails he had seen from Yuta on his laptop screen, asking Taeyong to meet him for coffee once their plane lands, and Doyoung will be fussing over his microscopes, upset at not getting a proper chance to use their lab’s newest purchase.
But here, in the Dream in a Dream, there’s nothing but Taeil, Johnny’s hands threaded through his hair and his head on Johnny’s shoulder, the stars in the sky falling like rain, spreading glitter over the rooftops.
“I should probably wake up,” Taeil sounds reluctant, but moves regardless, stretching and patting Johnny’s knee with a smile. “I’ll see you soon.”
Johnny blinks, and he’s gone.
[Awake]
It’s raining outside the airport- the air warm, heavy and humming with electricity, threatening to pour lightning down from the sky. Johnny pulls his hood up over his ears, caught without an umbrella, and wills Taeil to arrive faster, both out of excitement to see him, and of a need to get out of the rain before it starts to soak into his shoes.
By the arrivals gate, Taeil steps out into the open and grimaces visibly at the weather, pulling out his phone at the same time as a notification lights up the screen of Johnny’s one. He ignores it- pushing aside months of only being able to talk through late night phonecalls, curled up in bed with the lights off and the moon hanging in the sky above, sleepy voices and sentences punctuated by yawns.
When he spots Johnny, he runs, feet kicking up puddles behind him as he abandons his suitcase a little way back.
Because meeting in dreams, surrounded by surreal buildings and larger than life stars is one thing- but it can’t compare to having Taeil in his arms, as rain pours from the sky above, yet the sun still seems to shine just for them.