Chapter Text
It was before Jungkook's first performance since he was sick when it happened. He was resting, quite comfortably lying on one of the couches that'd been open in their waiting room, with one hand behind his neck and the other sprawled haphazardly across his stomach. His eyes were closed as he waited for the cordi-noonas to do his hair and makeup for the show. His body slowly relaxed as he listened to music to calm his nerves, his earbuds buzzed with the beat of the bass notes. The maknae was just about to doze off when he felt something fuzzy tickle the side of his neck. He tried to ignore it at first, but then it started to inch its way across his neck little by little. He could only guess what-or rather who-it was.
Once the mop of hair fully crossed his neck, Jungkook felt the other person's neck to his, snuggling to make itself more comfortable. Jungkook was slightly annoyed at the presence. After all, it wasn't normal to have something weighing on your neck all the time. But then again, he was very comfortable where he was and the person wasn't being terribly annoying, so he decided to let him be.
"Jungkookie." He heard the 'mysterious' person whisper. "Jungkookie."
Just for fun, the younger feigned sleep and slightly lolled his head to the side.
"Pst. Jungkookie~!" Taehyung whisper shouted as he wiggled his head aground to tickle Jungkook's neck.
"What, hyu-" Jungkook started to answer, one hand pulling out his earbuds and just barely opening his round curious eyes.
"Smile~!" His hyung said happily as he suddenly lifted his phone to take a selca of the two of them, giving a big, boxy, eye-smile.
The youngest didn't have time to react as the phone clicked a photo, capturing his confused expression, sleepy eyes and a slightly opened mouth with a question still hanging from his lips.
V jumped up suddenly, springing from his seat on the floor and leaving Jungkook's neck behind. He turned to face Jungkook while extending both hands out for the maknae to grab onto.
"Come on, Jungkookie-ah!" the elder said as he pulled the maknae off from his spot on the couch, "It's your first performance back since you've been on break! You don't wanna miss it!"
Bang!
The loud firing of the confetti cannon blasted over the Jungkook as the small pieces of shiny paper rained down from the ceiling. The confetti was gold and silver, falling like glittering snow.
On the inside, Jungkook felt bad for whoever was in charge of cleaning this mess up after the show. It must be a nightmare.
The guest MCs for the night had just announced Bangtang's first win for Fire on M! Countdown, which had signaled the confetti to be fired. Everything was still a bit of a blur. They had just finished their first performance of Fire as a complete group. Jungkook was still adjusting to the bright lights and deafening cheering after being away for so long, but he was assimilating himself back into idol life nicely.
He was so happy to be back; Jungkook re-entered the stage with an old zeal that had long since been absent from his eyes. The stress, the pressure, and the drama were all so physically and mentally tiring that Jungkook just....lost himself, in a sense. He was trying to be someone so perfect, so pristine, so untouchable. That wasn't Jungkook. He was a crazy, rambunctious teenager whos insane antics would sometimes drive his brothers insane, but they'd love him anyway because that was his true self: not hiding under a mask of poise and perfection, but being human.
The life of an idol is hard. It subjects you to endless critiques, scrutinization, and emotional abuse. It made you question your worth and your talent, yet expected you to act fine. You need a net of support to catch you when you fall, and fall Jungkook did, he just didn't see it then.
He had come to terms with this during his recovery in the dorms. The canceling of his schedules and practices gave Jungkook much needed time to evaluate and think. It gave him time to talk with his hyungs about his fears and worries, and, in turn, he listened to some of theirs. It wasn't easy, to say the least. He hated admitting weakness to anyone, let alone to the hyungs he admires and trusts so much. It was embarrassing to admit and he felt ashamed to shatter their expectations for a perfect little maknae. Multiple times, he wanted to just stop talking and to keep holding it in as he had always done. But he told himself that it was enough, so he talked. And talked, and talked. He remembered so clearly their midnight conversations after he had awoken in screams and cold sweat once more. Within seconds, his hyungs had rushed to the room asking what was wrong. He just let it out. All the pain and anxiety and worries and apprehension that he had harbored inside of himself, that he had shoved deep down and far away because an idol does not have problems. An idol is talented and confident and effortlessly flawless. That was what an idol is, but that isn't Jungkook. So if Jungkook wasn't an idol, then what was he? He had asked this aloud as he broke down one night with his hyungs beside him.
They had simply responded: "You are Jungkook." and that was enough for him.
It was on a night when he had a particularly bad nightmare that Jungkook's body refused to sleep. The whole group ended up staying awake with him, sharing their own stories of self-doubt to show Jungkook that he wasn't alone. It was all listened to with open hearts and minds, and in the morning, all was forgotten. He wasn't treated any different for his weaknesses and fears, and in turn, he didn't treat anyone else differently either. Little by little, as he fought his sickness, Jungkook regained his confidence and passion for performing. His smile was contagious and spread to the entire band. When he came back to practices, Jungkook had started to mess around during breaks again, like he did when he was a trainee.
His hyungs couldn't be any happier.
The other idols made their way off stage for Bangtang to crowd around the single microphone stand. The award was handed to them as well as bouquets of flowers. The cheers died down to allow Namjoon to speak.
Jungkook wasn't really paying attention. He'd been to enough of these shows to know the format to all the award acceptance speeches: thank your company, thank your manager, thank your band members, but most importantly, thank the fans. More or less, most speeches followed that pattern in one way or another. He was really tuning in every few seconds to smile in all the appropriate times and to give the occasional wave. He focused mainly on the large neon signs that ARMYs brought. He saw all the get well messages and other notes telling him to get more rest if he still felt bad and that the real ARMYs would understand that his health always came first before anything. The overwhelming amount of posters and light sticks for Bangtang nearly moved Jungkook to tears. He didn't cry ("It's eye sweat, damn it" he would vehemently say later), but his eyes did shine a bit more than usual.
The leader had already passed on the microphone to Jin, who was nearing the end of his spiel as well, and Jungkook knew that he had to do something before the allotted speech time expired; so, he lightly pushed his way over to Jin and made slight grabbing motions to the mic with his hand in Jin's peripheral vision, so he would know to pass it to Jungkook when he was finished. At the last moment, Jin shoved the microphone over to Jungkook as fast as he could so he could say a few words.
"Thank you so much, ARMY! Thank you for all your support! I promise I'm feeling much better now; and, I'll work harder in the future to make up for it!" It wasn't a moment too soon, because just as he finished, more confetti shot into the air with a great bang. He said everything in such a rush that he might have slurred a bit and slipped back into his Busan accent, but he still got his message across and that was what mattered.
It was around 8:30 at night the following day. Everyone was relaxing after dinner. They had a schedule earlier that day as well as practices after that, so all of them were tired. Namjoon and Hoseok were in the living room watching the latest Running Man episode, Jin was washing the dishes from earlier that evening in the kitchen sink overlooking the living room and watching the program as well, Jungkook was watching Taehyung play a new game on his phone (both sitting on the floor by the television), and Yoongi was sitting across the length of a couch (also in the living room) with his headphones on, composition book out, and polaroid camera on his lap (Jin had pulled him to sit in the living room for a change of scenery when he tried to escape back to his room after dinner).
Suddenly, Jimin ran into the room screaming, "It's time! It's time! It's time!" effectively diverting everyone's attention to him. Taehyung, understanding Jimin's excitement, quickly closed the application on his phone and stood up.
"Aish, kids, don't be so loud. What's it time for?" Yoongi said.
"TaeTae and I made a bet on who would get the most retweets in 24 hours: his agyeo or my sexiness," Jimin answered, pulling out the Twitter app on his own phone. "Ready?"
The singer nodded. "1, 2, 3!" They shouted in unison as they pulled up their latest update and switched phones.
"Nooooo!" Jimin cried in agony as he sunk to his knees in disbelief as Taehyung shouted in joy.
"Yeah! Jiminie has to do my chores for the week!" the younger shouted in elation, showing the rest of the members his winning picture.
Jungkook already had a feeling of premonition as to which picture his youngest hyung "submitted", but looked up anyways to find his suspicions confirmed. There, on the glowing screen of Taehyung's iPhone, was the same photo of Taehyung and himself that was taken exactly 1 day ago along with the caption: "Guess who's coming back tonight? Maknae-ah is feeling better thanks to all you ARMYs! We love you all!" After the little message, Tae had added a purple heart emoticon as well as a little lion and bunny head emoji along with his #TAEHYUNG tag.
"How did I lose?" Jimin exclaimed. "All the ARMYs love my sexiness!"
"So you're saying that you like your sexiness better than Kookie?" Taehyung asked him, smirking, knowing that he had trapped the other.
"W-well, I..." Jimin stammered.
"J-jimin-hyung," Jungkook said softly, staring up at Jimin with impossibly wide eyes, "Jiminie-hyung doesn't like me?" he pouted, with his lower lip jutting out and quivering. He wiled his eyes to water slightly, refusing to break eye contact with Jimin.
".....You-...you little brat." Jimin mumbled as he turned away from Jungkook, hand covering his red face while the rest of the members burst out laughing.
"Bwahahaha! Jungkookie-ah! Maybe you should be the one acting instead of me!" Taehyung said, gasping for breath as he tried to stop laughing.
"Evil maknae is back!" Hoseok screeched with laughter as he clapped Jungkook on the back.
"Aish, kids. Stop being so loud. What did I tell you?" Yoongi said as he took off his headphones. "I was writing something."
"Sorry," Namjoon said, apologizing for the group of rowdy boys.
"What are you working on?" Jin politely asked, walking over to join the rest of the group which had crowded around the producer.
"Special Album photos." He curtly answered, picking up his Polaroid camera. Each copy of the preordered special album was going to come with a Polaroid photo; and Yoongi, being the band's resident photographer, was working day and night taking as many pictures as possible. The last time Jin checked in on Suga though, he'd claimed that he was done with all the photo taking, but Jin didn't question it. Yoongi held the camera out before him, facing the lens towards themselves. "Smile."
click.
An old nurse was getting ready to leave her shift at the hospital to go visit her granddaughter on the other side of the city. She changed out of her scrubs and into more casual attire, stretching her old bones as she gathered her things.
She walked up to the nurse behind the counter, giving her a warm smile. "I'm heading out now, Soojin-ah. See you tomorrow!" she told the young woman, starting out the door.
"Ah! Ajumma-ssi!" The woman called out, "There's actually a package for you! It came in a few minutes ago." she told the woman.
She held out an envelope to the nurse, which she accepted with a bow and walked out the door.
Once in her car, the old woman, curiosity getting the best of her, decided to open the letter. Tearing open the envelope, she pulled out a card that was decorated with a simple butterfly. She opened the card and read silently to herself.
Nurse Ajumma-shi,
Thank you for taking care of our little brother all those weeks ago. He is feeling much better thanks to your hard work! We didn't tell you because we were worried about the press, but we are part of an idol group called BTS. We are still pretty young, so we are busy all the time trying to promote. Thank you for taking care of Jungkook for us when we could not!
Bangtang
Under the brief message, each member wrote their own note of thanks to the old nurse along with their glossy signature. Touched, the nurse re-read the message along with the individual notes from the members. She went to put the card back into the envelope when another item fell into her lap. It was a Polaroid photograph of the boys. (AN: She doesn't know their names, just so you know. I'm just saying their names because describing them will take too long.) Yoongi was positioned in the center, arms extended, holding the camera, with a gummy smile. Jungkook was next to him, kneeling on the floor to match the rapper's height lying on the couch, with a big-toothed bunny smile. Jin (who was above Yoongi) smiled nicely with wide eyes. Namjoon, who was next to Jin and above Jungkook, smiled genuinely with his dimples showing. Jimin, who was next to Jin, was smiling an incredibly happy grin, his chubby cheeks rounding out his face, giving him a youthful look about him. Hoseok was on the other side, next to Yoongi, squeezing into the frame by leaning over the back of the couch, giving a glowing, cheerful smile towards the camera. Finally, Taehyung was next to Jungkook, offering his signature boxy smile and hand in front of his eyes with two fingers out, forming a peace sign. The boys look happy. Much happier than a few weeks ago, when the worry for their little brother was evident on all of their faces. Their faces looked fuller, more youthful without the strain of terror filled nights and restless days. Their hair was down, unstyled and raw, giving them a much more natural and youthful image. The dark circles were still evident, but much less prominent than before, looking almost like shadows rather than a dark bruise. They looked like the teenagers that they still were: wild, silly, rambunctious, dysfunctional, but coherent. A single group that looked so much better as seven rather than six.
The old woman smiled to herself, putting the Polaroid on the dash of her too-old car, starting the engine, and looking forward to a lovely afternoon with her granddaughter.
It was 12:00 am at BigHit studios. The music was blaring loud and the deep bass notes seemed to vibrate through the floor. The pounding decibels, lack of windows, ever-present fluorescent lights, and no staff could make one lose their hold on time. Jungkook was lying on the floor, hair matted with sweat and clothes soaking wet. He'd finally gotten his choreography back on track after nearly two and a half weeks of resting hiatus. Their performance at M! Countdown was good, but Jungkook was always one to do great. He was alone in the practice room, bright lights glaring and loud music pumping. It was the first time he was left alone in the practice room since that night, all those weeks ago. He thought back to that moment in a state of reverie; he was so unhappy then. Unsatisfied with himself, hurting himself, degrading himself for (now, in retrospect) ridiculous reasons. So what he couldn't be the best dancer, the best looking, the best rapper, the best composer, the one who could sing all the high notes and all the low notes? If he could do all that stuff, he wouldn't need Bangtang at all, he would just go solo.
But Jungkook's always been a team player and never had much taste in going at things all alone anyways.
He'd felt more solid, more complete, more whole with Bangtang than alone. They made up for the things that he didn't have.
When he didn't feel like being goofy, Tae-hyung was always there to share his mischief.
When he wasn't feeling strong enough to face something, Jimin-Hyung ssi was always there to lift him up.
When he wasn't sure of his future and scared at what would come, Leader-hyung was always there to spew some philosophical proverb at him to prove Jungkook's worries wrong.
When he was sad, Hopie-Hyung was always there to cheer him up.
When he was feeling inadequate, Yoongi-Hyung would always tell him to not listen to the voices, proceeding to stuff a lamb-skewer in his mouth whenever Jungkook would rebuttal with "But I'm not-"
"Aish, kid. Will you shut up about that depressing shit?" He would cut off Jungkook from his poisonous thoughts. "Trust me, you don't need that in your life. You're perfectly fine the way you are-look at me, sprouting all this cliché shit- don't think like that. It'll only get you down. Now, be a good dongsaeng and chew with your mouth closed."
And when he was feeling down, Jin-hyung was always there with a comforting hug and a bowl of ramen to soothe him (even if it was just the 1000 won pack from the convenience store down the street).
His hyungs completed him. They supported and cared for him unconditionally. Jungkook doubted that there was one secret at least one hyung knew about. Their lives are so interwoven that they're practically a single entity rather than 7 diverse ones. They've seen through all of their struggles together, making their friendship stronger than ever before. It's impressive how much can change in 3 years.
A click of the doorknob snapped Jungkook out of his thoughts, bringing him back to the present. His eldest brother makes his way to the makane in easy strides. His other brothers make themselves known by poking their heads out from behind the door.
"Jungkookie-ah." Jin says to him while passing over a well-deserved water bottle which Jungkook accepts in thanks. "It's getting late. We think it's time to go home, don't you think?" He motioned towards the youngest's brothers waiting at the door with one hand while extending the other towards Jungkook to pull him up from his seated position on the floor.
"Yeah," Jungkook says as he takes his eldest hyung's hand and feels himself be pulled up. He wipes his sweaty face with a towel from his bag and slings the duffle over his shoulder with a genuine smile.
"Let's go home."