Chapter Text
“Fitz, don’t let your end drag on the ground or else we’ll end up with a sad, misshapen Christmas tree,” Jemma directed.
Fitz grumbled, as he paused to readjust his grip on the tree he and Jemma had just bought and now were lugging up the stairs of the 3rd floor walk up they had moved into together after graduation.
“We wouldn’t want that,” Fitz replied. “Not after you insisted on a real tree. You know, a fake one would have been, by definition, perfectly shaped and more importantly, delivered straight to our door.”
“An artificial Christmas tree?” Jemma wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Honestly, Fitz, we’ve been over this. It’s traditional-- it’s just doesn’t feel like Christmas without that real, fresh evergreen smell. Besides, they look so much better and I think the one we got is absolutely perfect.”
“It better be, after you dragged me to not one, not two but three different Christmas tree lots in search of this so-called perfect tree.”
“In my defense, that first place we went to was horribly overpriced and the second’s selection was pathetic. They didn’t even have any Fraser firs! Don’t be such a Grinch.”
The pair had finally made it up the stairs and were standing outside their apartment. Fitz set down the tree and leaned it up against the exposed brick to fish his keys out of his pocket.
“I’m not being a Grinch,” he protested, as he turned the key and opened the door. “I just don’t get why you’re making such a big deal about all of this.”
“Well, it’s our first Christmas together in our new apartment and neither of us are going home for the holidays this year, so I just wanted to make it special.”
“Ah, jeez, Simmons, I didn’t realize,” Fitz apologized, as he carried the tree over to the window and set in down in the waiting tree stand. He had been rather grumpy. “No more complaining from me. You know what, I could probably rig something up to set the tree lights to music, if you want.”
“That would be great!” Jemma smiled brightly. “There’s the Christmas spirit I’ve been looking for out of my best friend!”
Best friend. Those words were like getting doused with a bucket of ice water. If he was being honest with himself, he’d had a crush on Jemma from the moment he saw her standing in front of the departures board at the airport. But their kiss last Christmas had lifted the veil-- and as time passed, it was getting harder and harder to ignore the inconvenient truth that he was in love with his best friend.
Not that Jemma remembered the kiss, of course. The morning after Daisy’s Christmas party, Jemma had woken up with an awful hangover and no recollection of the night after her fourth glass of eggnog.
Fitz, on the other hand, remembered every single detail about that night. He could still picture the way she lightly grabbed his curls as they kissed. He could still taste how her lip gloss and rum mingled together to create an intoxicating scent. He remembered how Jemma’s body felt pressed up against his when he carried her to her room. It was all permanently etched into his memory.
Still, while he may be haunted by the Ghost of Christmas Kisses Past, Fitz wouldn’t trade the memory of it for anything. Even if it meant that he had to shove his feelings into a box and pretend that he didn’t want to be more than just friends.
As the upbeat melody of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” filled their apartment, Jemma hummed along as she placed another ornament on the tree. Fitz, on the other hand, hung back off and watched the scene in front of him unfold, entranced. Afterall, the way the lights twinkled paled in comparison to the smile that lit up Jemma’s face. God, he was so screwed .
“You’re supposed to be helping me, Fitz, not staring off into space,” Jemma teased.
Caught, Fitz stammered out, “Uh, right-- sorry. I’ll come help.”
Jemma eyed his container of ornaments, which was considerably more full than hers. With a glint in her eye, she said, “Tell you what-- if you can finish putting the rest of your ornaments before me, I’ll give you a surprise.”
That piqued his interest. “Really? What kind of surprise?"
Jemma sing-songed, “You’ll just have to beat me to find out.”
Fitz hoped it was some of her famous ginger snaps. With newfound determination, he replied, “You’re so on.”
Fitz punctuated his declaration by grabbing two ornaments at a time and sticking them on the tree. Jemma just laughed and picked up an ornament of her own.
Soon, both containers were empty and the tree was completely decorated.
Jemma took a step back to survey their handiwork, “Now that’s what I call a Christmas tree! It’s starting to feel like Christmas in here.”
“It really did turn out great,” Fitz agreed, as he flopped onto the couch.“But, where’s my surprise? Since I won and all.”
Jemma rolled her eyes and handed Fitz a small, red and green gift bag, “I was going to give this to you tonight anyway, but I thought you could just use a little extra motivation to decorate the tree.”
“So you tricked me? That’s a good way to end up on the naughty list, Simmons, ” Fitz teased, as he dug through the tissue paper until he hit something hard.
“I think Santa would approve of my methods,” Jemma said.
Fitz unwrapped the tissue to reveal another ornament. Turning it over in his hand, he got a sinking feeling in his stomach. It was a picture frame ornament in the shape of one of those best friend necklaces that were so popular in primary school. In the middle was a selfie Jemma had taken of the pair of them smiling brightly, from when they went to the zoo to see the capuchin monkeys on his last birthday. And of course, at the bottom, it was emblazoned with Best Friends Forever . In glitter, naturally, because the universe felt the need to mock him some more.
Jemma looked at him expectantly, “I wanted to get something special to mark our first Christmas living together. Do you like it?”
Swallowing the lump that had formed in throat, he plastered what he hoped was a believable smile on his face and replied, “Yeah, of course. That was thoughtful of you. Thanks, Jemma.”
“You’re welcome,” Jemma said, eyeing him carefully. “Are you sure? You’re acting kind of strange.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You are too. Do you not like the present? I have other things for you on Christmas, promise-- this was just a little something extra.”
“The present’s fine. I’m fine. Just leave it alone, Jemma.”
“Fitz, you’re my best friend in the world-- I can tell when something’s wrong with you,” Jemma cajoled.
Jemma calling him her best friend, again , finally pushed him over the edge. Fitz snapped, “Yeah, but, you’re more than that, Jemma.”
His words hung in the air for a beat. Jemma sucked in an uneven breath.
Figuring he had nothing to lose, Fitz barreled on, “I love you. I’ve probably been in love with you since we first met at the airport. I kept my feelings to myself and bit my tongue when you were with Milton. But, even after you broke up, I still didn’t have the courage to tell you.”
Jemma looked at him sympathetically and tried to interrupt, “Fitz--”
But Fitz didn’t let her, “I’m sorry, I know this could completely ruin everything and I’ve tried to ignore how I feel but, ever since we kissed, it’s become harder and harder to do.”
“Wait, we kissed? When? And more importantly, why don’t I remember this?” Jemma asked, her brow wrinkled in confusion.
“It was after Daisy’s party last year. We were sitting on your couch and you just… kissed me. I assumed it was just because you were sad and upset about Milton and I was just there.”
“That was real? I thought I dreamt that,” Jemma murmured, mostly to herself.
“It was definitely real. Believe me-- it’s not something I’m ever bloody likely to forget. It was better than I had imagined. But I know you don’t feel the same way, so I’m just gonna go. I need to clear my head.”
Fitz grabbed his coat and walked out the door without looking back at Jemma. As he shut the door behind him, he heard Jemma calling his name, but he kept moving.
He had really bollocked this up.
That was Fitz’s prevailing thought as he wandered aimlessly around Boston. He had probably just ruined his friendship with Jemma. He had certainly ruined their night, if not Christmas as a whole. Worst of all, he had no idea what to do about it, so he just kept walking.
Jemma had been blowing up his phone since he left. She must have called him a dozen times- and that didn’t even include her texts, which, if anything were more frequent.
Come home, Fitz.
We need to talk about this.
Just let me know you’re okay.
He could only assume she had called Hunter at some point, because he had started to call and text as well.
What the HELL did you do, mate?
Call me if you want to grab a pint and talk.
Overwhelmed and not ready to deal with either of them, Fitz turned off his phone.
Finally taking stock of his surroundings, he realized that he wasn’t far from the Public Gardens. He always loved the park this time of year and there was a bench right in front of the bridge that he was fond of. With a destination in mind, he walked with a little more purpose.
Breathing a sigh of relief when he saw that his favorite bench was empty, he sat down and put his head in his hands. He had really made a mess of things-- and running away hadn’t helped matters. The question was what was he going to do about it now.
He stared out at the half frozen pond, deep in thought and not really aware of his surroundings or the passage of time-- which is why when he heard a familiar female voice call out, “There you are!” he nearly jumped out of his skin.
He spun around to see Jemma standing at the base of the bridge, bundled up in her blue jacket and matching pom-pom beanie.
Fitz hopped off the bench and crossed the short distance to meet her, “Jemma? How on earth did you find me? I didn’t even know I’d be here.”
“First, I tried the pub around the corner from our apartment. When you weren’t there, I tried that bookstore on 2nd that you love, you know the one with the cafe with the really good tea selection? After I struck out there, I remembered you loved to come to this spot to think.”
Fitz looked at her incredulously, “You didn’t really go to all those places, did you?”
“I did.”
Fitz looked down at his feet and muttered, “Why would you go to all that trouble?”
Instead of answering the question, Jemma rebuked, “You know for someone so smart, you can be a real idiot sometimes.”
“I know, I’m sorry--”
Jemma shook her head and stopped him before he could get any further, “No, you had your turn back at the apartment. It’s my turn, since you ran out last time before I got the chance to process what you were saying, let alone respond. Which brings me back to my original point: you’re an idiot. Because if you had stuck around, I would have told you, I love you too.”
Fitz did a double take and gaped at Jemma like a fish. Of all the things she could have said, that was the last thing he would have expected. Hope filled his chest. “You do?”
Jemma took a step towards him, “I do. How could I not? I may not remember that kiss, but I do remember how you’ve been right by my side ever since we met. You’re one of the good ones, Leopold Fitz. You’re kind, smart and sweet… I guess somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you. Really, I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”
Fitz couldn’t help himself and pointed out, “You stole that line from Pride and Prejudice.”
“That’s all you have to say? Here I am trying to be romantic and--”
Fitz cut off Jemma’s rant by pressing his lips to hers. After a second, he deepened the kiss and grabbed Jemma by the waist. One of her hands snaked its way from the base of his neck down to rest softly on his cheek.
As if on cue, snow began to fall around them, creating a magical snow globe effect around them.
“Now that’s a kiss I’ll never forget,” Jemma said, pressing her forehead to his.
“You mean we could have been doing that this whole time?” Fitz groaned. “I really am an idiot.”
“Hmm, better make up for lost time,” she whispered as she pulled him in for another kiss.
Eventually, the pair broke apart and walked hand in hand across the snow-covered bridge in the direction of home. Smiling, happy and in love, both had all they could ever want for Christmas.