Chapter Text
The thing between the both of them is that after Luo Binghe’s fall in the abyss, their relationship has slapped layers and layers of misunderstandings on their lives. Each of them having their own reservations and only utters words half-meant.
This practice festered even five years after his death. Toxicity at its finest swirled on their foundation. With every non-answer that he gives and with every anger the half-demon emits whenever they meet, the tower of miscommunication grows taller and taller.
He is confident on his own intellectual prowess and every probable plan of action to address this concludes the same thing. He has to tell the truth. He winces at that. His mind knows what he must do but it also reminds him of another aspect - if he does tell the truth, then he leaves himself at his most vulnerable.
Shen Jiu hated that the most. And Shen Yuan identified with that one facet of the original Shen Qingqiu.
How can he tell him that he pushed him to his own hell because it was necessary for his growth? How can he tell him that he acted cold to him upon his return because he himself was left hanging and unsure? Not even a fool would believe those.
How can he tell him that ‘Luo Binghe’ terrified him the most but that he simultaneously loved him the the most as well?
But then he remembers that starry-eyed boy who got drenched with boiling hot tea; that pure, innocent bun who stuck to him like a lifeline; that man who desperately recreated his Shizun in his dreams and hoarded his lifeless body.
He purses his lips behind his fan.
Telling him about the instances on how he’s arrived at this world will not extinguish the toxicity in their system. Talking about The System will not free Luo Binghe from his issues. Opening up about everything in his mind will not bring them peace.
What he needed to accept within himself is what his lover needed the most as well. He closes his fan sharply which effectively gets the quick (loyal, undying) devotion and attention of his companion. He opens his mouth and resolutely says,
“Binghe. I love you.