Chapter Text
After the rescue, things sort of fell into place for Toga. Shigaraki was decently pleased with the results of the mission (the media was in a total frenzy about it) and didn't chew Toga out. She was even given a 'you did decently.' He had basically declared their everlasting friendship. This meant the league was back in the public eye, just a small reminder that they were still out there. Best of all, it had all been thanks to her.
Really, things just couldn’t be going any better for Toga! The last time she had been this happy...
Well, she’d been stabbing her lovely Tsu. No, not her Tsu, not anymore, but Tsu. Or, maybe she would just be Tsuyu. In any case, it hardly mattered, she shouldn’t be thinking of someone so long gone.
That’s what she was, right? A faraway dream, a wisp. Toga could go on now. She could find a new obsession.
(She had already found some promising candidates.)
But whatever, Toga knew her own heart. She followed her own heart. Right now though, she couldn’t understand what her heart was telling her. It made her feel like she was being choked, and not in the hot way.
“Crazy,” Dabi regarded Toga, taking a seat next to her, “What are you doing? Shouldn't you be reporting to the boss?"
Aw, that was Dabi's way of asking if she was okay. How sweet. He may have acted like a total jerk, but deep down he must've been just about the nicest person in the whole wide world...save for all the murder.
Yet, he was strangely worried about her. It was one thing for him to check on her, but he seemed just a bit too concerned
"Pah! Toruma's givin' me a bit of a break! You jealous, Dabi dearest?"
He shook his head, looking even more annoyed than normal, "No, not really. It's odd to see you this pissy is all."
"So vulgar! What would Tomura say if he heard you talking to me like that?" Toga gasped.
"Probably nothing."
Toga pouted. Alright, so fine, maybe Shigaraki wouldn't mind so much. In any case, that didn't excuse the fact Dabi would just call her 'pissy.' How rude. Besides, ever since her plan worked (totally cementing her status in the league) she had been nothing but happy. Elated, in fact.
"Whatever," Dabi closed his eyes, smug grin on his face, "You can keep being a baby, just leave me out of it."
There. The conversation was done. She had no reason to keep arguing with him. So, she wouldn't. Easy as that.
But he said she was being a baby.
Toga prodded Dabi's sides, "Um, I am not a baby, baby."
"Whatever."
"Whatever?"
"Whatever. I get why you're upset, you just need to get a grip if you're going to be of any use."
Oh. So that's what this was about. He thought that she was still upset about Tsuyu. Well, that was just dumb, since she totally wasn't. She had gotten to rough her up a bit (God, she had looked so good painted in red) and yeah, she hadn't been able to kill her but whatever. She could just move on now. She needed to move on now.
She didn't need Dabi assuming things.
"Just for the record," Toga pressed her hands to her cheeks, sitting cross legged next to him, "I am not upset about Tsuyu."
"Tsuyu, huh? Hadn't even thought of her."
"Liar! Don't be such a meanie!" Despite her lighthearted words, she knew her tone was harsh. Dabi was pushing her buttons, he was just too close to saying something they'd both regret.
Dabi scrunched up his face, "How can you be so childish?"
"Wah! Childish?"
"Yeah, childish," he picked at his earing, "You got your rocks off on torturing her, awesome. You'd think that someone that talked about love and friendship all the time would be a little more in tune with their own emotions."
Rocks off? Oh, he didn't get it at all. Why could no one ever understand how much she cared? It wasn't fair! Why couldn't the world just be a tad nicer? Why couldn't Dabi be a tad nicer?
It was blindingly infuriating.
"I'm going to stop you right there," Toga brought up a knife to Dabi's throat, "I like you, and I like the league. To me, this is all about just having a good time. That being said, if you try to make it seem like I don't understand love, I will have no issue slitting your throat nice and slow."
Dabi chuckled, a low deep sound, "No you won't. Even if you tried, I would easily just set you on fire."
"So we'd both die."
"Suppose so."
Then, something into Toga's brain clicked. The lights came back on.
What was she doing?
Toga sighed, slipping her knife back into her pocket, and leaning into his side, "I don't like you. You're really rude."
Dabi ruffled her hair, just a bit roughly, "We're both murderers, don't act do high and mighty. Want to stop with the mellow drama?"
No, not really. Outside of threatening Dabi (that did not feel right, well, not now anyway) she was acting on her emotions. She felt so angry, so dull. Why? Just because Tsuyu was gone? That would be dumb! There are plenty of fish (frogs? ocean creatures?) in the sea, as they say.
She just really, really wanted this one.
"I like her," Toga mumbles. It felt so taboo, so wrong. It was so much scarier than her love.
Dabi hums, pretending not to be interested, "S' that so?"
"Yeah. I think I miss her."
The 'I think' is a total lie. She knows she misses her. How could she not?
"Do you want her back?" he cracks his neck, "I can't see how it would happen."
Is he trying to be helpful, or is he trying to convince himself of something. She doesn't know, and in the moment she can't care.
"I don't know," Toga felt her shoulders shake, "I just...it doesn't even feel like she's gone. I feel like I could just text her right now, complain about her ignoring me..."
But she can't. Tsuyu is gone. She stills feels her presence, though. She can practically sense those big eyes glaring into her.
But they're not.
Dabi softly squeezes her shoulder, "It feels unfair. Do you wish you hadn't gotten involved with her?"
Toga bursts into tears. They both know the answer to that one. Maybe she'll get her back soon. Maybe, in another life, they're married with four kids and stay up all night laughing.
However, that's not their world. It makes her wish she had just been normal, a quirkless nobody who was saved by the up and coming hero! She could lose herself in that fantasy.
"If you love someone, let them go. If it's meant to be, they'll come back to you."
Someone dear to Toga told her that once. She never listened. She never let go, and her love would be a bloody mess before they could leave. Now though, maybe that person from her past would be right.
Until then, Toga continues to cry. She continues to do something she had not done when other loves were lost, even though this felt even more hopeless.
She grieves.