Chapter Text
Lemony Snicket. Apprentice. The association of associates.
“What’s that?”
Lemony looked up to see Sunny Baudelaire peering over him and the strange, crinkled piece of card on his lap.
“Nothing.” He replied hastily. He folded the card and started to put it back in his pocket- wait, where was it?
"Lemony Snicket... Apprentice." He looked beside him to see Beatrice reading the card, having snatched it from his grasp. "You're an apprentice?" She said it so loud even the man sitting opposite them looked up from the newspaper he was deeply engrossed in.
Lemony gave her a glare to remind her that his real name was not to be spoken aloud in public. Agitated, he tried to take the card back, but Beatrice held on to it tightly. He replied reluctantly, "I was, once."
"What's the association of associates? Such an odd name." The girl mused.
"None of your business." He said harshly. The man who had previously been disturbed rose up and left abruptly, leaving the newspaper on his seat.
Sunny quipped, "But uncle, we're going to be on this train for hours and we don't have anything better to do. Can't you just tell us? You keep so many secrets from us because we're supposedly too young to know the dangerous treachery of this world, but we've encountered an abundance of adversity already. I think we ought to know whatever it is you aren't telling us."
Lemony sighed. How did a simple, quiet reminiscence turn into this?
"Very well. Well before your series of unfortunate events, I endured mine too. I asked many wrong questions during my apprenticeship. Four questions, to be exact. I thought I was doing the right, noble thing, as a good volunteer should. I was almost thirteen and I was wrong. There was a town, there was a girl, and there was a theft... "
"What happened after the Bombinating Beast came?"
"It devoured Hangfire, and Ellington Feint never saw her father again. The Bombinating Beast disappeared into the depths of the sea... I left Stain'd on my own, and that marked the end of my apprenticeship."
"Oh, Lemony Snicket, I think you may have missed a very important detail regarding my father's murder..." Came a purring voice from behind them.
Lemony turned around, and, to his horror, saw those question mark-shaped eyebrows, long hair as dark as night, and an ominous smirk that could have meant nothing but trouble, in the form of Ellington Feint.
"Ell-Ellington Feint?" He stuttered, utterly shocked.
"Hello Snicket, long time no see. I've been trying to track you down for a very long time, and now I've found not one, but two Snickets! What great luck."
"What do you mean?" Then he saw that beside him, Beatrice turned pale with a terrified expression on her face.
"Ms. Feint..." Her eyes wide, she shrunk into her seat, inching away fearfully from the tall woman.
"Beatrice, what a pleasure it is to see you again. I see you've run away from your compulsory special education programme to enjoy... family time?" Ellington replied in a false, sickly sweet tone. "What a lovely reunion. Beatrice, did it ever occur to you the grave consequences you would face when you were found?
"How did you find us?" Lemony replied instead, trying desperately to stall for time while finding a way to escape.
"Oh, we have eyes everywhere, you should know that. I thought you would’ve been more careful with concealing your identities, but I guess apparently not. E. was watching just a while ago, and I was notified of your whereabouts. It's a huge advantage to have living associates by your side, whereas... " She glanced at the trio with a taunting smile. "Poor Snicket, I find it surprising you haven't thrown yourself off a building yet in despair, it would save us a lot of trouble if you and your pathetic little friends were dead.
"Speaking of which, dear Lemony, won't you tell these innocent children who murdered my father?"
There was a pause, during which Lemony looked away from her, choosing to stare at what was beneath the seats. Beatrice gasped. "Ms. Feint... you were on the fire-starting side..." The tattered business card she had been tightly clutching before slipped away from her grasp.
Ellington continued as if she hadn't heard her at all. "Very well, as you seem to be unwilling to do so, I'll answer on your behalf." But even before Ellington had told them, Beatrice already knew and dreaded the answer. "Hangfire was pushed towards the Bombinating Beast by your noble uncle Lemony." It was a harsh whisper, but her tone was full of bitterness and anger. "He's not as innocent as you may think, huh, children? A murderer at the mere age of thirteen!" Her mouth had twisted upwards into the same wicked smirk that they had previously been greeted by.
Sunny blinked multiple times, her mouth the shape of an 'o', and turned to look at Lemony, though he couldn't bear to return her gaze. Beatrice, however, refused to give Ellington the satisfaction in her answer, only glaring at her with fierce resentment. Had the circumstances been less uncomfortable, Lemony would have remarked at how much she resembled Kit when she saw someone mock her brothers, usually him, back in their school days.
The femme fatale leered downwards at Lemony, her arms crossed and the sun behind her casting a looming silhouette. It was as if she expected him to say something, but he offered no apology. It would have been useless anyway, just wasted words that meant nothing to them.
Sunny was the one who spoke. "But Ms. Feint, even this is no reason for you to rebel and join the fire-starters. The noble side of VFD could have offered you much more than what you have become now, and it still can."
She only sneered. "Is it just because you're the youngest, or were the Baudelaires this foolish?” Sunny grimaced at her use of past tense. “There is no right side of the schism, stupid girl! We're just chef’s salads, with righteous deeds and morally grey actions tossed together in one dish. Do you not remember suggesting to set fire to Hotel Denouement? I was watching from afar, the flames licking the pale sky as the last safe place for you 'noble' volunteers went up in smoke. Oh, never would I have imagined that the poor, cute Sunny Baudelaire had proposed such an idea!” Her mocking voice was full of sarcasm.
“Anyway, it’s been a nice conversation, but there’s no more time to waste." With a small swoop, she produced a harpoon gun from her bag, and aimed it threateningly towards Lemony. "All three of you are coming with me, and don’t any of you dare try to do anything cheeky if you know what's good for you.”