Chapter Text
Castiel wakes up after 8 hours of sleep and luckily he doesn't feel like puking anymore. But he can still feel how weak he is. He actually prays to his father, that at least Dean slept the whole night, too.
"Had a good sleep?" Castiel blinks and then he sees Gabriel in his doorway. Gabriel looks better, too.
"Yes. But I'm still not back to my full powers." Castiel answers and Gabriel nods. He seems a bit nervous again and Castiel sighs. He isn't ready for this. He needs his coffee first.
"I don't think we will ever be back to full power. I mean this morning, when Sam woke up, I woke up too, because his grace told me immediately that he needs to pee." Gabriel sighs and Castiel snickers a bit.
Then he realizes that maybe, Dean should wake up too.
"Sam and I made breakfast, we’re sitting outside on the back porch." Gabriel says, before he leaves again. Castiel doesn't even have the time to answer, so he just shrugs at the empty room. Since his power is at least better than yesterday, he cheats and mojos himself some new clothes. Normally he would wear his suit and trench coat. But somehow it feels weird now.
After a quick shower, brushing his teeth and emptying his bladder (why does he have to do this again?), Castiel dresses in dark grey sweatpants and a black shirt. At first he feels a bit strange, but it's actually very comfortable. He goes over to Dean's room and can't help his big smile.
It's quiet, but Castiel can sense that Dean is awake. He wonders, why Dean didn't cry out to him, when he woke up.
"Where is my favorite boy?" Castiel asks, when he enters the room. Dean sits in his crib and rubs a tiny hand over his left eye. He looks so warm and soft, that Castiel's heart does something funny.
Instead of pointing at himself or anything, Dean just looks confused around, as if there would be someone else in the room. Even the wall between Sam and his room is back to normal.
"It's you!" Castiel says happily and Dean gasps quietly, which causes his pacifier to fall out.
"Me?" Dean asks and he doesn't seem to trust Castiel's answer. For a tiny second his smile slips away, but Castiel just goes over to the crib and smiles again at Dean.
"Of course it's you, baby." Castiel assures and then strokes over Dean’s cheek, who yawns loudly. Castiel can't resist and he presses a kiss on Dean's head.
"Sammy?" Dean mumbles and Castiel shakes his head.
"Don't tell anyone, but Sammy is only my second favorite boy!" Castiel says and Dean seems so shocked. Castiel laughs loudly, because Dean's confused face is way too cute. But at the same time, it hurts. Castiel knows that Dean always thought Sammy was worth more than him and Castiel would do anything to change that. Both boys are worth everything.
"Ouch.” Dean whispers quietly, when he squirms in his crib. For a moment Castiel is confused. Did he hurt Dean? He tries to be very careful with him and he didn’t even pick him up so far.
“Dean? Are you hurt?” Castiel asks and he checks Dean’s face for injuries first. Dean shakes his head, but he is also tries to hide his face. Castiel carefully strokes over his back, but nothing seems to hurt there either.
Castiel carefully uses his grace to check on Dean and then he sighs quietly. Dammit.
“Baby, do you need a change?” Castiel says and Dean shakes his head again. Just way more forceful this time. Castiel wants to slap himself. He didn’t even put a diaper on Dean. He should’ve known that the possibility was there, that Dean wet himself, since he is still very young.
“Are you sure?” Castiel asks and he leans down to pick his boy up. The second he presses Dean against his hip and he can see that his blankets are wet. He even feels Dean’s dirty pajama against him.
“N-no.” Dean says and he squirms in Castiel’s arm. He even presses his hands against Castiel’s chest and tries to get away, but Castiel only holds him closer. He studies Dean’s face and to his misery, Dean looks really close to tears now.
“Oh Dean. Baby it’s okay. It’s my fault for not putting a diaper on you.” Castiel whispers quietly and he tries to shush Dean, but he is having none of it. The second Castiel mentions a diaper, Dean starts crying for real. Loudly.
“Cas?” Gabriel asks, when he runs into the room. Sam is behind him and looks worried as well. Dean’s whole face is already red from the crying and he is still wet and has to be freezing. Castiel is a bit overwhelmed.
“Dean he… I mean I didn’t…” Castiel says and he doesn’t know what to do. Sam doesn’t seem to understand what happened to Dean, but that doesn’t mean Castiel wants to point it out. Dean would only be even more embarrassed.
“Ah I see. Draw him a bath and clean him first, I’m sure that will calm him down.” Gabriel says and he winks at Castiel, before he ushers Sam out of the door. Sam whines, but at least follows Gabriel with another worried glance at Dean.
“S-sorry. Please don’t. I didn’t mean to... s-sorry!” Dean stutters between all his tears and Castiel isn’t sure why he is apologizing. It’s cleary Castiel’s fault for not thinking about the diapers. He feels still too weak to mojo him dry and Gabriel did tell him to draw a bath.
“Not your fault, baby. I’m not upset!” Castiel tries and Dean looks up with his big and green eyes. Castiel sighs and smiles down at him. Dean needs to know that Castiel wasn’t cross with him. Dean’s breath hitches and he makes no sound. This again.
“Okay how about a bath?” Castiel says quietly and Dean doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even try to cuddle Castiel. He just lets himself be carried, still crying quietly. Castiel kinda wants to visit John Winchester in heaven.
In the bathroom Castiel puts Dean down on the little carpet next to the sink. Dean sniffs once and it seems as if he doesn’t want to be put down, but he doesn’t say anything. So he actually seeks comfort, he just doesn’t want to show it. Castiel kisses his hair again, so Dean understands that he is here.
Luckily Gabriel even has some bubble bath here and Castiel has a nice and warm bath in front of him a few minutes later. He even finds some bath toys and puts them down on the edge of the tub. He turns around to Dean.
“Look baby. We even have toys!” Castiel tries to say especially happy. Dean looks at the toys for a second, but then closes his eyes. Castiel sighs quietly and goes back to him. He carefully pushed Dean on his back and takes off his wet clothes. Dean squirms now and he tries to sit up again.
“No!” Dean says loudly and then he realizes what he has done and starts to cry all over again. He even puts his hands over his mouth, as if he would like to take the word back. Castiel carefully strokes over his cheek and pries the hands away.
“Dean. I’m here to help you okay? I just need to take the clothes off, so we can clean you. You don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s just me.” Castiel whispers quietly. He wants to say that he already saw everything from Dean Winchester, back when he put him together in hell. But that would be bad to tell a little child.
How could Castiel ever think, that he should be a father? He can’t even help his friend in a situation like this.
“O-okay.” Dean says quietly and he rubs over his eyes again. They are red from all the crying and his dark eyelashes are still wet from the tears. Castiel nods and then continues to undress him. He looks at the dirty pajama and puts it in the little washing machine. He has to ask Gabriel how they could get it clean again.
“See, that’s better, right?” Castiel says and he picks Dean up again. This time Dean actually cuddles against his side and sighs. He seems exhausted and it’s still in the morning. Castiel rubs his cheek against Dean’s and smiles, when Dean starts giggling. Apparently his beard tickles his baby.
Which reminds Castiel, that he actually has to shave now again. He rolls his eyes at that, but then concentrates back on Dean. He carefully puts Dean into the bathtub and pays attention to Dean’s face. Maybe the water would be too hot or there would be too much water and Dean would be upset again.
But Dean just squeals when he sees all those bubbles around him. He even tries to scoop them up in his hands, but that doesn’t really work out. Castiel laughs at Dean’s confused face when the foam pours through his fingers.
“Look?” Dean says and holds a tiny bit of foam up. Castiel grins at him. He is glad that Dean has forgotten the accident for now. At the same time Dean seems way too excited about this bath.
“Yeah these are bubbles. You never had those before?” Castiel asks and he kneels down beside the tub, after he gets a washcloth and a big, fluffy towel for Dean for after the bath. Dean shakes his head and concentrates back on them.
“They’re fun!” Dean says happily and Castiel has to grin at him, even though it feels his heart with sadness, that Dean never got to play in the tub before. Well maybe he did with Mary, but he doesn’t seem to remember that.
“I know. Look what I can do.” Castiel says and he carefully reaches into the bubbles. He puts them on his face and makes it look like a white beard. Dean opens his mouth and he seems amazed by this. Castiel chuckles, when Dean slowly reaches out to his cheeks.
“Santa?” Dean asks and Castiel laughs loudly. Dean smiles at him and then wipes the beard away. Castiel holds still, while Dean takes care of all the foam.
“Nope still Castiel.” He says, when Dean is done. Dean nods and he is still smiling up at him. There is a mischief in his eyes and Castiel isn’t sure what will happen next. But Dean just gets on his knees and presses a wet kiss against Castiel’s cheek.
“Better. Cas. My Cas.” Dean says and he sounds proud of it. Castiel’s heart beats a lot faster than it did a few seconds ago. Dean was always capable of this, but now it’s just ridiculous. Without Dean worrying about anyone to judge him (even his own self), he seems a lot more like his soul always shines. Bright and happy.
“All yours.” Castiel whispers back and Dean nods again, only to busy himself with all the bubbles again. Castiel uses that to get himself together, before he reaches out for the bath toys. There are not a lot so far, but they would do for now. There is a little shark, a turtle and also a boat in the basket.
“Dean? Do you want to play?” Castiel asks and he puts the boat on the water surface. Dean bites on his lower lip. He seems to think about it, before he finally reaches out to the boat. He presses down on it and the boat sinks to the ground of the bathtub. Dean blinks and when the boat comes back up, it makes a very loud and high noise.
Dean jerks at that and seems really shocked about it, Castiel can’t help it. He laughs loudly and after Dean realizes that nothing bad happened, he starts actually to pout. Castiel feels like someone took the wind out of his sails. Dean looks really adorable like this.
“I don’t like the boat.” Dean says and he holds his hand out for the other toys. Castiel smiles and gives him the animals. Dean gasps quietly at them and then spends the next minutes playing happily with the shark and the turtle. Castiel watches him, he didn’t expect Dean to splash with the water, but Dean plays completely in silence.
He would love to hear him laughing loudly or to shriek at something.
Castiel shakes his head at himself. They would get there someday. He would make sure, that Dean would actually enjoy this second childhood. While Dean is busy, he reaches for the washcloth and gets the bodywash from the counter. Dean glances at him, but he seems to ignore him otherwise.
“Now we gonna clean you up, huh?” Castiel says and Dean shrugs his shoulder. The turtle is currently riding on the shark and Castiel smiles down at that. The bubbles are not completely gone, but already disappearing. Dean doesn’t really move, while Castiel washes him, but he doesn’t make a fuss either.
“Huh.” Dean makes when Castiel slowly scrubs over his sides. Dean tries to get away from the washcloth and Castiel smirks down at him.
“Ticklish?” Castiel asks and Dean’s eyes widen. Before he can try to get away, not that he would have a choice, Castiel is already tickling him for real. Finally he gets a real reaction from Dean, because he is actually squealing with laughter. This is what Castiel wanted to hear. Dean tries to bat his hands away, but Castiel doesn’t let him.
“S-stop.” Dean coughs after a while and Castiel has pity with him and takes the washcloth again. Dean is breathing very hard, but he is also still smiling up at Castiel. He seems more happy and relaxed than he did yesterday and all morning.
“You gonna be a good boy and let me wash your hair?” Castiel asks, when he is finished with cleaning Dean. He is proud that Dean allowed this. He had thought that Dean would like to do it himself, but then again maybe he was glad that for once somebody else cared for him.
“Okay.” Dean answers, but he seems a bit afraid of that. Castiel gently massages the shampoo into his short hair and laughs when he accidentally makes a mohawk out of it. Dean looks up at him and frowns.
“Lean a bit back, baby. I will rinse it out.” Castiel says and he gets a little bowl, so he can rinse it out as carefully as possible. Dean still seems a bit wary and he holds his hands over his eyes. Castiel helps him to lean back and luckily no shampoo gets in his eyes. Dean blinks confused.
“No ouwie?” He asks and Castiel is so surprised, he lets the bowl fall into the water. Dean doesn’t even flinch. He just looks concerned and when Castiel shakes his head, he goes back to playing with his toys, after he fished them out of the water.
“Did you expect it to hurt?” Castiel wants to know and Dean does that half shrug again. Maybe Dean had to bath him always himself and since he was still so little, he always got himself some shampoo in his eyes. Castiel sighs.
“Cold. Out?” Dean says and Castiel sees that he actually shudders in the water. Castiel jumps to his feet and gets the fluffy towel. He helps Dean out of the bathtub and wraps him up in the big green towel. Dean cuddles into it. He looks so adorable like this, with his hair all over the place. Castiel can’t resist him and kisses his temple. Dean smacks his lips.
“So now we can get you ready for the day? I bet Sam and Gabriel are still waiting with a nice breakfast for us!” Castiel says and Dean actually cheer at that. It’s still quiet, but he seems to be more open now.
“Hungry, Cas!” Dean babbles on the way to his room. He actually runs in front of Castiel, the towel still around him. Castiel grins to himself, because Dean looks very wobbly on his legs, but it’s so adorable, that he wouldn’t stop him.
Luckily Dean doesn’t fall on his butt and they make it safely to the nursery. Dean stops in the middle of the room and seems to be confused, as what he should do now.
“Come here you little monster.” Castiel says and Dean shrieks loudly again, when Castiel blows some raspberries against his cheek. Dean seems to think the sound is very funny and can’t stop giggling. Perfect. Castiel really needs him relaxed for the next step.
To his luck he sees that Dean’s bed is already clean and has a new blanket in it. Seems like Gabriel did this, while Castiel was bathing Dean.
Before Dean knows what’s happening, Castiel already has him on the changing table. Dean doesn’t seem very afraid of that and plays with the end of his towel. His face is red from the bath, but also his laughing.
“You want a pacifier?” Castiel asks and Dean’s eyes widen at that. He hastily shakes his head, even though the end of his towel already found the way into his mouth. Castiel gets a pacifier anyway and holds it out directly in front of Dean’s mouth. Dean whines and tries to get away from it.
“Not a baby!” Dean says quietly and he smacks his lips, when he looks at the pacifier again. Castiel wants to laugh, because he is calling Dean a baby the whole time as a term of endearment and Dean never once complained. Yesterday Dean was already asleep when Castiel put the pacifier in his mouth and this morning he spat it out, when he saw Castiel.
“Why not?” Castiel asks calmly and bends down to get the diaper and some other stuff he would need. He even grabs the rash cream, he finds under the changing table. He is afraid Dean will be hurt, since he sat who knows how long in his wet clothes.
“Too old.” Dean answers and continues to chew on his towel. Castiel clenches his fists and he is lucky that Dean doesn’t see this.
“That is not true. You are my... Dean and I like to take care of you. It’s okay to seek comfort in things like this.” Castiel says and Dean hides his face again. Seems like he isn’t used to people telling him this.
Castiel decides to ignore him for now and concentrates on his new task. A diaper change. He got this. He carefully holds Dean’s legs up and slides the diaper under his butt. Of course by now Dean has realized what happened and looks up at him.
“NO!” He says again and tries to sit up. Castiel takes a deep breath. He knows Dean is only scared, because of John’s behaviour. He still seems to be lost in memories, he can’t really process. Maybe John told him one day, to be finally a big boy and use the toilet. Surely not at his current age, since Mary was with them.
But Dean doesn’t understand that right now.
“You don’t want another accident, do you?” Castiel says quietly and at that Dean’s breath hitches. Castiel knows what will happen and it still hurts him, when Dean looks to his right side at the crib, before the tears are already falling down his red cheeks.
“S-sorry.” Dean whispers and he puts his thumb into his mouth without realizing it. Castiel wants to laugh because seems like Dean’s oral fixation started really early in his life. Instead he continues to diaper his little boy. Dean doesn’t even squirm this time and Castiel is almost done.
He just needs to figure out, how to fasten this damn thing. The first time he tries it, it doesn’t hold on Dean’s hips at all. Just as Castiel wants to try it again, Dean carefully reaches to the pacifier, that is laying next to him. He clearly watches Castiel out of his eye and when Castiel stays quiet, he takes it and puts it between his lips.
Castiel smiles, when Dean suckles on the pacifier. He still seems very nervous, but this time Castiel finally figures out the damn diaper.
“All done!” Castiel says happily and picks Dean up again. He is still a bit teary, but looks a lot better now. Castiel peppers kisses all over his face, until he can see a little smile behind the pacifier.
“T-thank you.” Dean even says and Castiel’s heart swells. God, how can he be this cute.
Getting some clothes on Dean takes only a few minutes and he looks adorable in his bright green shirt and pair of dungarees. Castiel pinches his cheek and Dean giggles, before he crawls out of his room. Castiel frowns and picks him up, when he follows him into the hallway.
“Where are you going?” Castiel asks and Dean grins behind his pacifier.
“Hungry! Please?” He says and Castiel laughs. Of course he promised Dean a breakfast with his brother and Uncle Gabriel. Castiel just nods and carries Dean towards the back porch. Before they arrive there, Dean tucks on Castiel’s arm.
“What is it, Baby?” Castiel says and stops in his movement. Dean looks shyly at the ground, he is still paying with Castiel’s sleeve.
“‘m sorry for... my... the bed.” Dean says quietly and he seems still upset about that. Castiel just shakes his head, he kisses Dean’s cheek again.
“Nothing to be sorry for. You are my good boy.” Castiel says and that seems to be the secret. Dean beams at him and then nods. Castiel cuddles him a little bit more, before he goes outside.
“Sammy!” Dean squeals and Castiel’s heart melts, when he puts Dean down and he toddles over to hug his brother. Sammy happily hugs him back.
Gabriel grins at Castiel. Yeah little Dean would so be the death of Castiel.