Chapter Text
MamaBear: We need to make rules in this house
MamaBear: RULE 1 STOP FUCKING TAKING MY CLOTHES KLAUS
MamaBear: RULE 2 No, and I mean, noooooooooooooooooo coming home half dead bc a bar fight @diGAYo
MamaBear: RULE 3 plssssssssss dont waste all the hot water 5. u don't need all that water
Klaus: yea hes like 4'9"
ShortStack: ha ha very funny
cHeEsEyMoOn: Rule 3.5 clean up the bathroom after yourselves that's for you Allison
diGAYo: i agree with Luther
diGAYo: also do ur fucking dishes
Klaus: rule number 4 (hehehee das me) KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING MY ROOM @ ALL YOU MOTHER FUCKERS
ShortStack: Shut up Klaus. The adults are talking
Klaus: asdfghjkl im an adult!!
MusicalMeme: u raided dad's closet and stole all this suits
Klaus: we r the same size.. those clothes shouldnt go to waste
MamaBear: i caught u turning the pants of those suits into shorts
Klaus: *****pls refer to rule 4******
diGAYo: Klaus u'll get arrested for looking like an 80's hooker
diGAYo: again
cHeEsEyMoOn: nah I think last time it was a 70's hooker
Klaus: yeah it was 70's PLUS THOSE COPS WERE JEALOUS BC I HAVE CALVES SCULPTED BY MICHELANGELO HIMSELF
MusicalMeme: Rule 5 stop calling me when there needs to be a vote
MusicalMeme: just kno I agree with Allison always
diGAYo: it was a pretty hot debate
cHeEsEyMoOn: Allison and 5 like Home Alone 2 over the original
MusicalMeme: wertyuioasdfghjkxcvbnm NOOOO!!!!! FUCK THAT!!!! FUCK ALLISON!!!!
MamaBear: wtf Vanya! U like the original over the new york one???
Klaus: everyone doessss
Benemy: the second one was just the first one in a new setting
Benemy: A FUCKING INSULT
ShortStack: the sequel had so much more visiual asthetics
MusicalMeme: What do u kno about visual aesthetics 5??
ShortStack: i dont think someone with the same three outfits like you will understand
ShortStack: even if I tried to explain
cHeEsEyMoOn: It's New York! so overdone!
MamaBear: ur existence is overdone
cHeEsEyMoOn: real original
Benemy: Let's ask Pogo
diGAYo added MofoPogo to the chat
MofoPogo: What is it that needed to be said here that couldn't be said aloud, Master Diego?
Benemy: Hi Pogo!!
MofoPogo: Hello Master Benjamin
MamaBear: Which version of Home Alone do u like better? the 1st or 2nd?
MofoPogo: I prefer the the second one, Miss Allison
MamaBear: THANK U POGO
Klaus removed MofoPogo from the chat
Klaus: that'll be that last time we include pogo
Klaus: new york one my ass
The Umbrella Academy ☂
Klaus: Ben wya
Klaus: Ben wyyyaaaa
MusicalMeme: where could he have gone??
MamaBear: how long has he been gone?
Klaus: idk really when i fell asleep he wasnt in my room when i woke he wasnt there either
Benemy: im not gone
Klaus: where were u? i had to make decisions all on my own all day
ShortStack: its 2 pm
Benemy: ive been busy
Klaus: doing what?
cHeEsEyMoOn: DRIVING ME AND DIEGO CARZY
Benemy: i decided to haunt them
Benemy: its been so much fun
diGAYo: pulling the chair out from under me isnt fun
Benemy: ur right it was wasnt fun it was FUNNY AS HELL
cHeEsEyMoOn: it was kind of funny
diGAYo: just as funny as you falling down three flights of steps? BC THAT SHIT HAD ME ROLLING
cHeEsEyMoOn: it was very funny when salt was put into ur coffee
Benemy: that wasn’t me
cHeEsEyMoOn: no it was me 😂😂
MusicalMeme: howd u kno it was Ben?
MusicalMeme: and not some other ghost
diGAYo: he wrote us a message in the windshield
Klaus: u can’t have ghost shenanigans w/o me @Benemy
MamaBear changed Klaus’s username to Sad&Salty
Sad&Salty: sksksksksksks im not sad or salty
Sad&Salty: I’ll find a new ghost bestie
diGAYo: does it have to be a ghost? We could hang out and ignore Ben
diGAYo: 5 wants me to raid this warehouse wanna come?
ShortStack: don’t invite KLAUS
ShortStack: what’s wrong with you
ShortStack: I need this mission to be a success
MamaBear: stfu Five 🙄
Sad&Salty: thank u Allison
Sad&Salty: of course I’ll go with u Dee we make a great duo
Benemy: ha! I’ll just follow u
Sad&Salty: im bringing salt
Benemy: ....
Sad&Salty: don’t test me
MusicalMeme: adjkgfdjl does that actually work
Benemy: yes and it hurts
MusicalMeme: Supernatural was right
ShortStack: they were right about a lot of things actually
MusicalMeme: [John Mulaney voice] Pls say more right now
The Umbrella Academy ☂️
ShortStack: Where's the food in this house
ShortStack: I'm starving
MamaBear: we have food just open the fridge
diGAYo: i went grocery shopping yesterday
ShortStack: where is the peanut butter?
ShortStack: the sliced bread? the marsh-mellows?
diGAYo: i probably forgot those
Sad&Salty: You didnt forget the bread.. me and ben wanted toast
cHeEsEyMoOn: so you ate the whole loaf with someone who cant eat?
Sad&Salty: u know what they say.. when u give a ghost some toast they want want more bc they like toast
ShortStack: Nobody says that!!!
MusicalMeme: i woke up to a fight about toast?
cHeEsEyMoOn: Diego forgot peanut butter and marsh-mellows
cHeEsEyMoOn: and Klaus ate all the sliced bread
MamaBear: u can still eat anything else @ShortStack
ShortStack: I'll cut you bitch
ShortStack: 🔪
The Umbrella Academy ☂️
diGAYo changed his username to VivaMéxico
VivaMéxico: guys im Mexican and never been to Mexico
MamaBear: then let’s goooo
Sad&Salty: can u even speak Spanish?
VivaMéxico: Yes bitch
VivaBitch: I mean si bitch
MusicalMeme: I’m down for a trip to Mexico
ShortStack: I could use time away from the house
cHeEsEyMoOn: how do you know you’re from Mexico? Dad never told us where we were born..
VivaMéxico: me and Klaus did the 23&Me dna stuff
Sad&Salty: oh yeah I forgot about those
Sad&Salty: I have leprechaun genetics
ShortStack: please tell me you don’t mean you’re irish
MamaBear: I’m willing to bet that’s exactly wat he means
MusicalMeme: I did Ancestry and im polish
Benemy changed MusicalMeme’s username to vanya-owski
Benemy changed Sad&Salty’s username to IrishCoffee
IrishCoffee: niiice
vanya-owski: thanks
vanya-owski: I hate it
MamaBear: the nice and accurate descriptions of the Hargreeves, siblings
IrishCoffee: okay we get it
IrishCoffee: you have amazon prime you watched Good Omens
ShortStack: is now a good time to mention that I found our birth records in dad’s office weeks ago?
ShortStack: Luther is from Alabama, an English descendent
vanya-owski changed cHeEsyMoOn’s username to CountryBoii
CountryBoii: Alabama? Really??
ShortStack: Diego is from California, Mexico descendent
ShortStack: Allison is from Sudan
MamaBear changed their username to AfricanDoll
AfricanDoll: Can’t wait to learn Arabic
ShortStack: Vanya is from Amsterdam, Poland descendent
ShortStack: Ben is from Alaska, a Korean descendent
Benemy: Cool beans
ShortStack: Klaus is from Ireland
IrishCoffee: where r u from?
ShortStack: read✅ at 3:25pm
The Umbrella Academy ☂️
IrishCoffee: no cops at pride only Ben and his tentacles
Benemy: 🐙
vanya-owski changed Benemy’s username to bentacles
bentacles: yay no upper cases letters
bentacles: upper case is for heteroes
IrishCoffee changed their username to irishcoffee
irishcoffee: fuck hets
ShortStack: they’re just letters
vanya-owski: spoken like a true hetero
ShortStack: Vanya you thought you were straight for thirty years
vanya-owski: ....
bentacles: the late sexual crisis was a part of her origin story
bentacles: frick off
bentacles: FRICK OFF
bentacles: why can’t I say f*ck??
VivaMéxico: [enter Diego]
VivaMéxico: bc u cuss too much bitch
bentacles: imma end your life
VivaMéxico: How ghost boy?
bentacles left the chat
irishcoffee: you really had to ask
AfricanDoll: Diego’s screaming
CountryBoii: good
vanya-owski: it’s what he deserves
The Umbrella Academy ☂️