Chapter Text
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with adiosToreador [AT] --
-- waiting for adiosToreador [AT] --
AG: Come on come on come on come on c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon
-- adiosToreador [AT] joined private chat --
AT: hI VRISKA,
AG: You're alive!!!!!!!! ::::D
AT: yEAH,
AT: i AM, }:)
AG: Whoa, what's this? Civility???????? And a little smiley face and everything?
AG: Wow, way to 8e the first person in weeeeeeeeks not to treat me like shit.
AT: oH, wELL, i'M SORRY THAT PEOPLE ARE TREATING YOU LIKE THAT,
AT: i TOLD MYSELF I WASN'T GOING TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE EITHER,
AT: bUT I DON'T THINK I CAN BE MAD AT ANYBODY, rIGHT NOW,
AT: oN ACCOUNT OF HOW I AM STANDING AT MY COMPUTER
AT: oN MY LEGS,
AT: }:)
AG: That's gr8 Tavros.
AT: yES, iT'S VERY GR8, aND ALSO GREAT,
AT: eVEN THOUGH IT'S GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO GET USED TO SEEING ALL THE METAL PARTS THAT ARE, sORT OF REENFORCING EVERYTHING,
AT: tHEY ARE STILL MY LEGS
AT: aND I CAN MOVE THEM,
AG: I 8et they look really cool. And hey, we'll sort of match now!
AT: i DIDN'T THINK OF THAT, bUT, uHH, sORT OF,
AG: Soooooooo you've tested them out already? Actually walked around and stuff?
AT: yEAH,
AG: Wow, you recovered fast! Wasn't your surgery only a couple nights ago?
AT: yES, tHE MEDILIQUIDATOR SAID NOT TO STRAIN MYSELF, fOR A WHILE,
AT: bUT THEN MY SQUAD LEADER TOLD ME TO SUCK IT UP, aND, uHH, sTOP BEING A PANSY,
AT: aND I FIGURED HE WAS PROBABLY RIGHT,
AG: No kidding. You're made of tougher stuff than that!!!!!!!!
AT: tHAT'S KIND OF A WEIRD THING TO HEAR, cOMING FROM YOU,
AT: bUT THANKS?
AG: I totally mean it though. I only push you all the time 8ecause I know you of all people can take it. You're super tough!
AT: oK, nOW IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME,
AT: oR BUILDING UP TO A JOKE, oR SOMETHING,
AG: Whaaaaaaaat????????
AG: I wouldn't do that when a good friend of mine almost died! This is super serious non-joking time.
AT: i DON'T THINK I REALLY BELIEVE THAT,
AG: >::::/
AG: May8e I'm just happy you're alive.
AG: That's allowed, isn't it? To just 8e glad a guy's alive after major surgery? Maaaaaaaay8e I just felt really 8ad a8out all the crap I'm always saying to you. And I wanted to make it right!
AT: uH,
AG: You're gonna die way 8efore me anyway, right? I don't want the last thing I say to you to 8e something mean!
AT: sOMETHING MEAN LIKE,
AT: hYPOTHETICALLY,
AT: aDIOS, tOREASNORE,
AG: That was different! I was young and stupid and I didn't know what I was doing.
AG: I've done a loooooooot of growing up since then.
AT: sOMETIMES, uH, iT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE IT,
AG: AAAAAAAAUGH, I'm just trying to 8e nice to you for once!!!!!!!!
AG: So shut up and take your compliments like a man.
AG: A 8ig tough handsome tooooooootally not paralyzed confident successful man.
AT: uUHHHHHH,,,,,
AG: Listen, I would have felt really terri8le if you died on us.
AG: Especially 8ecause it was kind of my fault! If I hadn't made you a useless cripple this wouldn't have even 8een a pro8lem.
AG: Look at me, 8eing a 8ig girl and owning up to my mistakes like that.
AG: The whole time you were in surgery I was totally freaking out! Ask Karkat, he'll tell you. I was a mess.
AG: And all I could think a8out was how much of a huuuuuuuuge 8itch I was to you when we were kids. And how I sort of still am?
AG: 8ut it's not 8ecause I h8 you.
AG: I actually really like you! I think I act like that 8ecause it gets your attention.
AT: wHOA,
AT: oK,
AT: i'M, nOT REALLY SURE HOW TO RESPOND TO THAT,
AG: I guess you don't really have to. It was just sort of something I thought you should know.
AG: Remem8er that message I sent you right 8efore recruitment?
AT: tHE ONE WHERE YOU SAID I WAS GOING TO GET CULLED?
AG: The one where I said I loved you, you dope!
AT: oH,
AG: Don't tell me you thought thaaaaaaaat was a joke too????????
AT: sORRY,
AT: iT JUST, sEEMED LIKE SOMETHING YOU WOULD SAY, bECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY,
AG: I was 8eing serious!!!!!!!!
AG: I really reeeeeeeeally like you, Tavros. You're smart and fun and cre8tive.
AG: And totally completely pitiful!
AT: yOU, pITY ME,
AG: Yeeeeeeeeah!!!!!!!!
AG: It's pathetic, how you were trapped in that chair for so long, and how you're always letting people walk all over you and you could 8e so much stronger if you weren't such a wimp a8out it. I pity you for that!
AT: wOW,
AT: uH,
AG: Weeeeeeeell????????
AG: Say something! I've 8een 8la88ing and 8la88ing all this time and you're just stammering like that! How am I supposed to know what you think?
AG: Did I just creep you out?
AT: i THINK,
AT: tHAT I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT I THINK?
AG: ::::?
AT: iT'S JUST THAT NO ONE'S EVER SAID THEY PITY ME BEFORE, aND WAS SERIOUS ABOUT IT,
AT: bUT I'M, uHH, nOT CREEPED OUT,
AT: bECAUSE IF THAT WAS SOMETHING YOU WERE SERIOUS ABOUT, tHEN IT WAS REALLY SWEET,
AT: pROBABLY THE SWEETEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD YOU SAY,
AG: ::::)
AG: Soooooooo........
AG: Is there anything you pity a8out me?
AT: wHOA, wHAT,
AG: Come oooooooon, Tavros. One 8ig soulful confession deserves another, right?
AG: I'd sure feel stupid if I said all that stuff and you didn't like me 8ack. Don't 8e a wimpy wimpy wimp, you don't have to 8e scared to tell me. I 8n't judging!
AT: oH, wELL, i GUESS,,,
AT: i SORT OF PITY, hOW YOU LOST YOUR ARM AND YOUR EYE,
AT: tHAT'S SOMETHING I CAN RELATE TO, aND I KNOW HOW HARD IT CAN MAKE THINGS,
AT: eVEN THOUGH YOU GOT A NEW ARM IT WASN'T AN EASY THING TO GO THROUGH,
AG: Hey, yeah! That's a gr8 thing to pity. You have good taste.
AT: aND, iT'S KIND OF PITIFUL THAT YOU HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME MAKING FRIENDS, oR KEEPING THEM,
AT: bECAUSE YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO NOT ACT, uHH, tHE WAY YOU ACT,
AG: I take it 8ack, your taste sucks. Go 8ack to the arm thing.
AT: sORRY,
AT: i DIDN'T KNOW PITY WAS A THING YOU COULD PICK AND CHOOSE,
AG: Woooooooow, was that sarcasm?
AT: yEAH, sORRY,
AG: Stop saying sorry!!!!!!!! It makes you look like a whiny little gru8 instead of the tough guy I know you are.
AG: If I pity you and you pity me, there's only one thing to do! :::;)
AT: oH NO,
AG: We should 8e m8sprits! We're peeeeeeeerfect for each other!
AT: uHHHH, vRISKA,
AT: tHIS IS KIND OF, uH, COMING OUT OF NOWHERE,
AT: aND, i DON'T REALLY PITY YOU, tHAT MUCH,
AT: oR IN THE WAY I THINK YOU MAYBE WANT ME TO,
AG: 8ut you pity me more than you pity any8ody else, riiiiiiiight? That's what really counts!
AT: bUT,
AG: So if we pity each other it's stupid not to 8e in a quadrant! It's like we're lying to every8ody, pretending we don't like each other like we're still three sweeps old.
AT: uHH,
AG: I'm not gonna manipul8 you into 8eing my m8sprit or anything. Like I said, I've done a lot of growing up.
AG: 8ut I think you really do like me, you just don't want to admit it to any8ody. Not even yourself!
AG: Trust me, I'm heeeeeeeelping you 8y making you face your feelings like this.
AT: uHHHHHHH,
AG: Ugh, you stupid wishy-washy weaky weak wriggler!!!!!!!!
AG: And I mean that in the most endearing way ever!
AG: I just toooooooold you I'm not gonna force you into anything! All I want to do is try it out for a little 8it. If it doesn't work out then we'll know it wasn't serendipity and we can just go our separ8 ways. I won't even 8e mad!
AG: 8ut I really want a chance to 8e a good m8sprit and make things up to you!!!!!!!!
AG: No8ody's ever given me a chance like that.
AG: So while you're standing there on your 8rand new reenforced legs, pro8a8ly grinning like an idiot and appreeeeeeeeciating your second chance at life, may8e you could have it in your vascular pump to give me a second chance too.
AG: So what'll it 8e?
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined private chat --
AG: Oh, he was going to say fuck no, was he?
AG: Well I have some crazy news for you, Vantas the Quadrantless. You don't know shit a8out romance.
AG: He fell for that so8 story like a sucker. Hook, line, and sinker. >::::)
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] closed private chat --
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] opened private chat with carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined private chat --
GC: GU3SS WH4T
GC: YOU 4R3 CORD14LLY 1NV1T3D TO L3G1SL4C3R4TOR PYROP3S GR34T3ST N1GHT OF MY L1F3 4FT3RP4RTY SH1ND1G 3XT4V4G4NZ4 >:] >:] >:]
GC: WH1CH N4TUR4LLY 1S TO B3 H3LD ON TH3 GR34T3ST N1GHT OF MY L1F3
GC: TH4TS N3XT MOND4Y.
GC: 1N C4S3 YOU W3R3NT 4W4R3.
CG: NO, REALLY??? HOLY FUCK, I HAD NO IDEA!!!
CG: EXCEPT, WAIT, YES I DID, AND THIS CONVERSATION IS COMPLETELY REDUNDANT BECAUSE YOU ALREADY SENT ME AN INVITATION IN THE MAIL.
CG: THANKS FOR ADDRESSING IT TO THRESHECUTIONER BANANAMAN BY THE WAY, EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST HILARIOUS.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3
GC: W3LL TH3Y KN3W 3X4CTLY WHO 1 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT D1DNT TH3Y?
CG: OH YES.
CG: AND YET FUNNY THING, THAT LETTER MUST HAVE GONE THROUGH AT LEAST THIRTY GRUBBY, SNOOPING HANDS BEFORE I COULD GET AHOLD OF IT.
CG: I HAD TO HIT A GUY WITH A CHAIR, TEREZI. A FUCKING CHAIR. AND HE WENT DOWN STILL LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF.
GC: SOUNDS L1K3 FUN
CG: MY SQUAD IS GOING TO CALL ME BANANAMAN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THAT IS JUST SO SPECTACULAR, THAT THIS IS THE NICKNAME I ENDED UP SADDLED WITH.
GC: BL444R, YOU 4R3 SUCH 4 DR4M4 LL4M4B34ST K4RKL3S
GC: 1 G3T 4 N3W N1CKN4M3 3V3RY W33K 1F 1TS TH4T B1G 4 D34L JUST DO SOM3TH1NG B4D4SS 4ND 3V3RYON3 W1LL FORG3T 4BOUT TH3 B4N4N4 TH1NG 4ND C4LL YOU SOM3TH1NG 3LS3
GC: TH4T SHOULD B3 34SY FOR YOU R1111GHT?? >;]
CG: WELL YEAH, OF COURSE IT WILL.
CG: YOU'RE JUST NOT MAKING MY LIFE ANY EASIER OVER HERE.
GC: 1 W4S JUST H4V1NG 4 L1TTL3 FUN K4RK4T DONT B3 4 S1SSY
GC: 4NYW4Y 1 TH1NK YOU D3S3RV3D 4 L1TTL3 TORM3NT FOR WH4T YOU D1D TO POOR SOLLUX 4ND H1S CH4T PROGR4M.
GC: CONS1D3R TH1S SH4M3FUL N1CKN4M3 YOUR P3N4NC3!!
CG: OH RIGHT, OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS.
CG: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE ON THE HEELS OF KARMA, JUST WAITING FOR AN EXCUSE TO FUCK US ALL OVER.
GC: NOT K4RM4
GC: JUST1C3!!
GC: 1T 1S FOR JUST1C3 TH4T 1 FUCK YOU 4LL OV3R
GC: BUT K4RK4T YOU H4V3 NOT RSVPD TO MY HUM1L14T1NG 1NV1T4T1ON
GC: 4R3 YOU COM1NG TO TH3 SH1ND1G 3XT4V4G4NZ4 >:?
CG: YOU DIDN'T EVEN PUT THE TIME AND PLACE ON THE INVITATION.
CG: OR HELL, MAYBE YOU DID AND I JUST MISSED IT BECAUSE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS IN FUCKING NUMBERS.
GC: W3LL OF COURS3 NOT
GC: 1T W4S 4 PR3C4UT1ON 1N C4S3 MY L3TT3R F3LL 1NTO TH3 WRONG H4NDS
CG: YOU WROTE "TO THR3SH3CUT1ON3R B4N4N4M4N <3 <3 <3" ON THE FRONT IN RED GLITTER, OF COURSE IT WAS GOING TO FALL INTO THE WRONG HANDS.
GC: H4H4H4H4
CG: AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, NO I AM NOT COMING TO THE SHINDIG PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA WHATEVER-THE-FUCK-YOU'RE-CALLING-IT.
CG: I'M STILL IN TRAINING. I WON'T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO EARN SOME LEAVE UNTIL I'M STATIONED ON 1025, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN JUST DUCK OUT FOR THE NIGHT AND FLY HALFWAY ACROSS THE GALAXY TO CELEBRATE
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN CELEBRATING, ANYWAY?
GC: >:O
GC: MY C4S3 STUP1D!!! MY B1G 1MPORT4NT F1RST C4S3 3V3R TH4T 1S SUR3 TO SH4P3 MY C4R33R FOR SW33PS TO COM3
GC: 1T 1S H4PP3N1NG TH1S MOND4Y 4ND FOR YOUR 1NFORM4T1ON W3 4R3 4LL M33T1NG UP ON FOLDSP4C3 SO YOU WOULDNT H4V3 TO TR4V3L 4NYWH3R3
GC: 1M JUST 4SK1NG YOU TO B3 1N 4 CH4TROOM 4T 4 C3RT41N T1M3 1S TH4T SO H4RD??
GC: 4444HRG K4RK4T HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW SOMETH1NG L1K3 TH4T???
CG: WELL NOBODY TOLD ME!
CG: YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME FOR NOT SPONTANEOUSLY DEVELOPING THE ABILITY TO READ THE SPASTIC UNDERCCURRENTS OF YOUR SHITHIVE MIND.
GC: HUH
GC: W3LL TH4T 1S UN3XP3CT3D! 1 THOUGHT FOR SUR3 G4MZ33 OR N3P3T4 WOULD L3T YOU KNOW
CG: I NEVER TALK TO NEPETA, AND GAMZEE HASN'T BEEN ONLINE SINCE THE FOLDSPACE DEBACLE.
CG: NOT THAT I CARE. HE'S PROBABLY HAVING FAR TOO MUCH FUN GUZZLING MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES WITH HIS NEW MURDERCLOWN FRIENDS. OR MAYBE HE FORGOT THE INTERNET EXISTED, IT WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME.
GC: W3LL 1 C4NT SP34K FOR TH3 M1ND 4LT3R1NG SUBST4NC3S BUT 1 KNOW H3 1S NOT BUSY W1TH H1S MURD3RCLOWN FR13NDS
GC: S331NG 4S L4T3LY H3 H4S B33N SP3ND1NG MOR3 T1M3 ON MY SH1P TH4N H1S!
CG: WHY'S HE ON YOUR SHIP?
GC: 1 H4V3 SN4TCH3D H1M UP TO B3 MY 3X3CUT1ON3R OF COURS3
GC: G4MZ3RZ 4ND 1 4R3 4 MOTH3RFUCK1NG M1R4CL3 T34M FOR GR34T JUST1C3
GC: NO CR1M3 HOW3V3R SM4LL W1LL P4SS UNNOT1C3D B3N34TH OUR W4TCHFUL NOS3S >:D
CG: OH MY GOD.
GC: (TH4T W4S OUR B4TTL3 CRY)
CG: THAT WAS THE MOST PAINFULLY AWKWARD EXCUSE FOR A CALL TO ARMS I'VE EVER HEARD. IT SUITS YOU TWO PERFECTLY.
GC: N4TUR4LLY
GC: H3 H4S B33N H3LP1NG M3 PR3P4R3 MY OP3N1NG ST4T3M3NT 4ND R1GHT NOW H3 1S ORG4N1Z1NG MY 3V1D3NC3 1NTO P1L3S BY COLOR
GC: WH1CH 1 D1DNT 4CTUALLY T3LL H1M TO DO BUT WH4T3V3R.
CG: WAIT, HE'S OVER THERE RIGHT NOW? LIKE, HE'S ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY IN YOUR RESPITBLOCK?
GC: Y3S
GC: H3 S4YS H1
CG: WELL CAN YOU PUT HIM ON?
GC: H3H3H3 WHY K4RK4T 1 THOUGHT YOU S41D YOU D1DNT C4R3???
CG: NO, OF COURSE NOT. WHY WOULD I GIVE A SHIT THAT NONE OF MY FRIENDS WANT TO PUT ANY EFFORT INTO STAYING IN CONTACT WITH ME?
CG: FIRST SOLLUX AND NOW GAMZEE, FUCKING HELL PEOPLE.
GC: 4W K4RK4T 4T L34ST YOUV3 ST1LL GOT ON3 GOOD FR13ND
GC: WHO GO3S OUT OF H3R W4Y TO S3ND YOU L3TT3RS D3COR4T3D MOST D3L1C1OUSLY 1N TH3 B3ST OF COLORS
CG: UGH
CG: FOR THE RECORD I HAVE SOMETHING VITALLY IMPORTANT TO ASK HIM. LIVES LITERALLY DEPEND ON IT.
GC: SUR3 TH3Y DO >;]
GC: 4DM1T 1T YOU W3R3 JUST WORR13D W3R3NT YOU
GC: K4RK4T YOU 4R3 4DOR4BL3!
CG: TEREZI.
CG: GIVE GAMZEE THE GODDAMN GRUBTOP SO I CAN VERBALLY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM.
GC: F1RST T3LL M3 1F YOUR3 COM1NG TO L3G1SL4C3R4TOR PYROP3S GR34T3ST N1GHT OF MY L1F3 4FT3RP4RTY SH1ND1G 3XT4V4G4NZ4
CG: FINE. FUCKING FINE, I'LL SEE YOU THERE.
CG: THANKS FOR THE LETTER, I HOPE YOUR TRIAL GOES TO SHIT.
GC: 444444W LOV3 YOU TOO K4RK4T
GC: 1LL GO G3T G4MZ33 SO YOU C4N V3RB4LLY B34T TH3 SH1T OUT OF H1M
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] --
TC: HoNk hOnK. :o)
CG: YEAH, HONK HONK TO YOU TOO, ASSHOLE. WHERE'VE YOU BEEN ALL WEEK?
CG: I'VE HAD SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT TO ASK YOU AND YOU'VE BEEN MISSING IN ACTION.
TC: ShIt hOw dO I ChAnGe tHe cOlOr
CG: WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT.
TC: wAiT
TC: FuCk, HoLd oN
CG: GOD DAMMNIT GAMZEE.
TC: UuUuUuUh
CG: THAT'S EQUIUS YOU MORON. INDIGO. YOU'RE INDIGO.
TC: OkAy yEaH I KnEw tHaT. iNdIgO'S LiKe mOtHeRfUcKiN PuRpLe, RiGhT?
TC: aIgHt, I FoUnD It.
TC: SoRrY BrO ThErE Is jUsT A LoT Of mOtHeRfUcKiN SpIt oN ThIs sCrEen. MaKeS It kInDa hArD To sEe wHaT AlL I'M DoInG.
CG: ........
CG: EW.
TC: So wHaT WaS It yOu wAs aLl gEtTiN YoUr wOrD BeAtDoWn oN AbOuT?
TC: HaHa sHiIiIt, HoW CaN YoU EvEn dO No bEaTdOwN WiTh wOrDs? Is tHaT LiKe hOw sLaM PoEtRy wOrKs, StIcKs aNd sToNeS AnD AlL ThAt?
TC: NaH ThAt aIn't iT.
CG: OKAY, HOWEVER MUCH PIE YOU'RE ON RIGHT NOW IS FAR TOO MUCH.
CG: LET ME JUST MAKE YOU AWARE OF THAT.
TC: If yOu sAy sO BrO
CG: I SAY SO.
CG: NOW CAN WE GET BACK TO THE PRESSING ISSUE HERE?
CG: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL WEEK?
CG: START EXPLAINING, OR YOU CAN BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE UNSTOPPABLE TORRENT OF FUCK YOU THAT'S BEEN BUILDING UP BEHIND MY EYEBALLS LIKE THE WRATH OF A SKULKING GODZILLA.
TC: AiGht aIgHt cHiLl kArKaT!
TC: GeT ThAt wRaThFuL RePtIlE To cAlM HiS TiTs, I'M GeTtIn mY ExPlAiN On.
TC: SeE WhAt uP AnD HaPpEnEd wAs tHiS MoThErFuCkEr jUsT SoRtA GoT HiMsElF In sOmE ShIt wItH ThE PoWeRs tHaT Be
TC: AnD I GoT My cOmPuTeR PrIvIlEgEs rEvOkEd oVeR On tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl's nEtWoRk.
TC: BuUuUuUt iT'S AlL GoOd, It'lL WoRk iTsElF OuT.
CG: OH THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T ACTUALLY OWN YOUR OWN COMPUTER, DO YOU?
CG: STILL GAMZEE, HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN? WHAT DID YOU DO, PAINT RAINBOWS ALL OVER THE CONSECRATED STATUE OF BOZO THE FUCKING JESTERSAINT?
TC: NaAah mAn sAiNt bOzO AlReAdY GoT RaInBoWs aLl oVeR HiM.
CG: HOLY SHIT, THAT'S A REAL THING.
TC: It aIn't sO MuCh wHaT I DiD As wHaT I DiDn't dO, yOu kNoW?
TC: SeE SuBdEaCoN PaYaSo, He's iN ChArGe oF ThE AcOlYtEs
TC: He dOn't lIkE It wHeN I JuSt cHiLl gEtTiN My aPpReCiAtE On oF ThE MoThErFuCkIn mIrAcLe oF LiFe. SaYs i gOtTa sTaRt aCtIn lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr lIkE Me aUgHtA AcT. kIlL Me sOmE BiTcHeS.
TC: BuT PeOpLe bEeN TeLlIn mE ThAt fOr sWeEpS AnYwAy, I DoN'T CaRe, FuCk hIm. HaHaHa hOoOoOnK.
TC: So aFtEr i tOlD HiM ThAt
CG: OH GOD WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT
TC: He cOrReCtEd mE WiTh tHe hOlY ClUb oF MiLd cOrReCtIoN
TC: AaAaAaAnD NoW I AiN'T GoT No cOmPuTeR PrIvIlEgEs. :o/
CG: HE HIT YOU WITH A FUCKING CLUB? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MOUTH OFF TO HIM LIKE THAT, SHIT GAMZEE!
TC: wElL It wAs jUsT ThE ClUb oF MiLd cOrReCtIoN, aIn't lIkE It wAs tHe oNe wItH SpIkEs iN It oR NoThIn.
CG: OH MY GOD
TC: KaRkAt bRo iT WeReN'T ThAt bAd. SlAm bAcK A BeVeRaGe oR SoMeShIt, YoU NeEd tO StRaIgHt uP UnBeNd, MaN.
TC: YoU WaNt mE To kIlL Me sOmE BiTcHeS?
CG: I'D KIND OF LIKE IT IF YOU GOT UP OFF YOUR STONED ASS ONCE IN A WHILE AND PUT FORTH THE EFFORT REQUIRED TO NOT GET CULLED FOR BEING FUCKING TERRIBLE AT YOUR CHOSEN CAREER, YEAH.
TC: I KeEp tElLiNg eVeRyBoDy kArKaT It cHoSe mE
TC: BuT MaAaAn pAyAsO'D FiNd sOmEtHiN To aLl rAg oN AbOuT AnYwAy.
TC: SuBjUgGlAtOrS ArE CrAzY MaD As ShIt, It's jUsT HoW We gEt dOwN. aIn't lIkE ThE ThReShEcUtIoNeRs aRe aNy dIfFeReNt.
CG: OK, YEAH, I KNOW.
CG: BUT GOD DAMNIT GAMZEE, KEEP YOUR FUCKING PROTEIN CHUTE SHUT FROM NOW ON. EVERY TIME YOU TALK IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BEGGING TO BE CULLED FOR HAVING NO DISCERNMENT WHATSOEVER.
TC: CaN Do, BeSt fRiEnD
CG: SO WHEN CAN YOU GET BACK ONLINE?
CG: LIKE I SAID, I HAVE TO ASK YOU SOMETHING AND I REALLY DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE SAYING IT WHILE YOU'RE ON TEREZI'S COMPUTER.
CG: ALSO, TAVROS HAS BEEN PESTERING THE SHIT OUT OF ME TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU. I SWEAR I COULD JUST ABOUT MURDER THE COMMON COMMA.
TC: HaHaHa
TC: YoU TeLl mY MaIn mAn i'lL Be bAcK AfTeR ThE TrIaL.
TC: gUeSs tHiS WiCkEd uNjUsT MoThErFuCkEr wHaT TeReZi wAnTs mE To cUlL Is a bIg aLl mOtHeRfUcKiN DeAl? PaYaSo's gOnNa lAy oFf.
TC: I PuT On a gOoD EnOuGh sHoW, bRoThEr'lL PrObAbLy eVeN FoRgEt aLl tHaT OtHeR StUfF He wAs gEtTiN HiS HaRsH On aBoUt aT Me.
CG: I GUESS THAT'S A RELIEF.
TC: So hOw's tAv?
CG: LAST I HEARD FROM HIM HE SEEMED OK. SO FUCKING HIGH ON LIFE IT WAS LIKE TALKING TO YOU, BUT OK.
CG: THE PROSTHETICS WERE A HIT, BASICALLY.
TC: WeLl pRaIsE ThE MeSsIaHs bRo.
TC: hOnK HoOoOnK.
CG: YEAH, SURE, PRAISE BE TO THE CLOWNS. LISTEN GAMZEE. IS TEREZI READING OVER YOUR SHOULDER OR ANYTHING?
TC: NaH, sHe's oVeR At hEr dEsK WrItIn sHiT DoWn.
TC: SiStEr's rEaL MoThErFuCkIn cUtE WhEn sHe cOnCeNtRaTeS LiKe tHaT
TC: KiNdA StIcKs HeR ToNgUe oUt lIkE
TC: FuUuUcK, a lItTlE GeCkO Or sOmEtHiNg hAhA HoNk
CG: GAMZEE.
CG: GAMZEE FOCUS.
TC: RiGhT SoRrY
CG: SO I CAN'T TALK TO YOU IN PRIVATE UNTIL MONDAY NIGHT.
CG: I DON'T THINK I HAVE THAT LONG, SO...
CG: OK FUCK, CAN YOU DELETE THIS CHAT FROM TEREZI'S LOGS WHEN WE'RE DONE HERE?
CG: I DON'T MEAN JUST EXIT OUT OF THE WINDOW, I MEAN SERIOUS EXCAVATION AND DEMOLITION. SHE CAN NEVER EVER FIND THIS.
TC: UuUuUh
TC: I GuEsS So?
CG: THIS IS STUPID, WHY AM I ASKING YOU ABOUT THIS ON HER COMPUTER?
CG: OK, THIS CAN'T WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE TRIAL, IT REALLY CAN'T.
CG: I'M RUNNING OUT OF THAT STUFF YOU BOUGHT ME.
TC: WhAt sTuFf?
CG: NO.
CG: FUCK NO, I AM NOT TYPING THIS OUT WHILE YOU'RE SITTING IN THE SAME ROOM AS TEREZI JUSTICE-CRAZED PYROPE.
CG: THAT FUCKING STUFF, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS.
TC: oOoOoOh!
TC: YeAh kArKaT, dIdN'T YoU TeLl mE To uP AnD FoRgEt tHaT MoThErFuCkIn cOnVeRsAtIoN EvEr hApPeNeD?
CG: WELL WE'RE TAKING A FIVE MINUTE BREAK FROM FORGETTING, SO GO AHEAD AND REMEMBER THE SHIT OUT OF THAT.
CG: DO YOU THINK YOU CAN
CG: I DUNNO, GET ME SOME MORE?
CG: I MEAN OUT HERE IN THE EMPIRE I COULD PROBABLY FIND A DEALER, BUT THAT'S KIND OF A TERRIFYING THOUGHT.
TC: I DoN'T KnOw...
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW.
TC: I DoN'T KnOw!
CG: NO, NO, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW??
TC: I SoRtA BeEn dOiNg mY ReSeArCh. ThIs cRiMiNaL TeReZi's aLl sTeAmEd aT? hE WaS On cHrOmOmInE.
TC: I MeAn oN ThAt sTuFf wE AiN'T MeNtIoNiN By nAmE AlL On aCcOuNt oF TeReZi bEiNg aRoUnD.
CG: WELL THAT PLAN JUST HIT THE THRESHER, DIDN'T IT.
TC: SoOoOoOrRy bRo
TC: BuT He wAs oN ThAt sTuFf. So hE CoUlD PrEtEnD To bE A FiShBrOtHeR.
CG: SO WHAT?
TC: So sAy wHaT YoU WaNt aBoUt sOpOr mAn bUt aT LeAsT ThAt sHiT'S MoThErFuCkIn lEgAl!
TC: YoU DiDn't tElL WhAt tHiS WaS YoU WeRe aLl gEtTiN InTo! MoThErFuCkIn lEfT Me iN ThE DaRk oN ThAt sHiT!
TC: YoU CoUlD GeT CuLlEd, BrOtHeR! dAaAaMn, If i wAs aNy kInD Of dEcEnT LaUgHsAsSiN I'D CuLl yOu mYsElF! i cAn't gEt yOu nO MoRe.
CG: NO
TC: I MoThErFuCkIn wOn't gEt yOu nO MoRe.
CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO GAMZEE NO
CG: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I NEED THIS. I FUCKING NEED THIS. I CAN'T GO BACK NOW, MY OFFICIAL RECORDS ALREADY SAY I'M A YELLOWBLOOD.
CG: IF I GET STABBED IN TRAINING ONE NIGHT AND BLEED ANYTHING OTHER THAN BANANA YELLOW-GREEN I WILL BE CULLED.
CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO BE CULLED, GAMZEE? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??
TC: nO
CG: BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE EFFECTIVELY DOING HERE.
TC: No nO No kArKaT I DoN'T WaNt tHaT No
CG: YOU'RE CULLING ME. YOU ARE FUCKING CULLING ME.
TC: FUCK SHIT OKAY
TC: ShIt, OkAy.
TC: LeT'S JaW AbOuT ThIs. We cAn mOtHeRfUcKiNg jAw aBoUt tHiS.
CG: ALRIGHT.
TC: AiGhT.
TC: JuSt
TC: wE CaN Up aNd bE FiGuRiN ThIs oUt.
CG: I JUST NEED A LEGAL WAY TO DO THIS.
CG: AND IT IS LEGAL, MAN. AS LONG AS YOU'RE THE ONE BUYING IT, I'M NOT TECHNICALLY BREAKING ANY LAWS.
TC: ExCePt fOr yOu'rE LyInG AbOuT YoUr bLoOd cOlOr. :o(
CG: NO, SEE, THAT'S NOT LYING. THAT'S FAILING TO FIX A CLERICAL ERROR ON MY PAPERWORK.
CG: NOT MY FAULT IF THE RECRUITINATOR WROTE DOWN THE WRONG COLOR, RIGHT?
TC: i gUeSs i cAn bE DoWn wItH ThAt.
TC: BuT ShIiIt kArKaT, hOw'd yOu rUn aLl oUt aLrEaDy? ThErE WaS A LoT Of pIlLs iN ThAt cLiNkY LiTtLe bOtTlE.
TC: HoW MuCh dId yOu tAkE?
CG: JUST A PILL A NIGHT, UNLIKE YOU I'M NOT FUCKING BRAINDEAD.
CG: THEY PROBABLY WOULD HAVE LASTED LONGER IF I HADN'T LOST IT LIKE A WRIGGLER AND TAKEN SO MANY BEFORE RECRUITMENT.
CG: THAT WAS A STUPID THING TO DO, I ADMIT. I WAS SHAKING SO BADLY I COULD BARELY DO THE TRIALS, I GUESS I'M JUST LUCKY THAT SOLLUX TOLD EVERYONE IT WAS NERVES.
TC: YoU'Re lUcKy yOu aIn't dEaD.
CG: DON'T.
CG: YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON I NEED TO HEAR THIS LECTURE FROM. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE SOBER?
TC: UuUuUuUh
CG: EXACTLY.
CG: JUST GET ME MORE, ALRIGHT? AND WHEN YOU MAIL IT, DON'T PUT MY NAME ON THE PACKAGE. TEREZI RECENTLY TAUGHT ME A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT THE SAD LACK OF POSTAL PRIVACY AROUND HERE.
CG: IF SOMEBODY ELSE GETS THEIR CLAMMY SNATCH DIGITS ON IT FIRST I'LL NEED SOME PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.
CG: FUCKING BLUEBLOODS.
TC: YeAH
TC: LoOk tHiS
TC: ThIs aIn't cHiLl.
TC: I'Ll gEt yOu oNe mOrE BoTtLe bUt tHaT'S GoTtA Be tHe fUcKiN EnD Of iT.
TC: I DoN'T WaNnA SeE A BrO GeT MeSsEd uP LiKe
TC: I JuSt dOn't wAnNa sEe yOu gEt mEsSeD Up, YoU KnOw?
CG: I GET IT, GAMZEE.
CG: I JUST NEED TO GET THROUGH TRAINING. ONCE I'M STATIONED IN THE 1025 BARRACKS I WON'T BE SPARRING ALL THE TIME AND I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE SEEING ME BLEED.
CG: THEN I'M DONE. I SWEAR.
TC: BiTcHiN. :o)
TC: Oh fUuUuUcK
CG: WHAT?
TC: TeReZi's lOoKiNg aT Me.
TC: Or uH
TC: SnIfFiNg aT Me, HaHa hOnK
TC: WhAt iF ShE WaNtS HeR GrUbToP BaCk?
CG: ACT CASUAL.
CG: JUST ACT SO FUCKING NONCHALANT YOU COULD MELT INTO A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR, BUT DO NOT GIVE HER THE GRUBTOP.
CG: YOU NEED TO DELETE THIS CONVERSATION LOG.
TC: AiGhT, ThAt's cOoL. hOw dO I Do tHaT?
TC: ShE'S WaLkInG OvEr mAn sHe iS MoThErFuCkInG WaLkInG OvEr
CG: OK, ACT CASUAL, ACT CASUAL.
CG: FIND THE TAB IN THE FOLDSPACE MENU THAT SAYS "SAVED LOGS."
TC: HeY KaRkAt
TC: YoU EvEr nOtIcE HoW, lIkE, gIrLs' HiPs sOrTa gOt tHiS SwAY GoIn oN WhEn tHeY WaLk?
CG: OH FUCK, NOT THAT CASUAL.
TC: HoW CoMe gUyS' hIpS DoN'T Do tHaT? wHo uP AnD DeCiDeD ThE SiStErS GoTta hAvE A WaVy wAlK?
CG: GAMZEE DON'T SPACE OUT, YOU'RE SPACING OUT, THIS IS A REALLY FUCKING TERRIBLE TIME FOR YOU TO BE SPACING OUT.
TC: It's jUsT LiKe
CG: A MIRACLE, YES, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL ACT OF CLOWN GOD.
CG: NOW GET YOUR COLANDER OF A FUCKING THINKPAN BACK HERE BEFORE TEREZI TAKES THE COMPUTER!!
TC: oH
TC: Oh yEaH YeAh sAvEd lOgS WhErE ThE FuCk Is sAvEd lOgS
TC: WaIt nO ShE'S
CG: GAMZEE?
-- terminallyCapricious [TC] changed their handle to gallowsCalibrator [GC] --
CG: WELL SHIT.
GC: SORRY K4RK4T 1 N33D3D TH3 COMPUT3R >:/
GC: YOU TWO H4V3 C3RT41NLY B33N T4LK1NG FOR 4 LONG T1M3
CG: HAHAHA, YEAH! YEAH WE HAVE!
CG: WE JUST HAD A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO, ABOUT, YOU KNOW, REALLY FUCKING PRIVATE AND PERSONAL STUFF THAT ONLY A COMPLETE BULGESUCKING NOOKSTAIN WOULD BE DISGUSTING ENOUGH TO MEDDLE IN.
GC: 1S TH4T SO >:] >:] >:]
GC: SO 1 PROB4BLY SHOULD NOT SCROLL UP 4ND T4K3 4 GOOD LONG L1CK OF TH1S OH-SO-PR1V4T3 CONV3RS4T1ON
CG: NOPE THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT A THING YOU SHOULD DO
GC: R34LLY
CG: REALLY!
GC: K4RK4T YOU S33M T3NS3
CG: NO I'M NOT TENSE, I'M FINE, EVERYTHING IS FINE, EVERYTHING IS GREAT.
CG: I'M GREAT.
CG: YOU'RE GREAT.
CG: THE WORLD IS JUST SO FUCKING GREAT RIGHT NOW.
CG: LET'S HAVE A LONG MEANDERING CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW GREAT EVERYTHING IS.
CG: HOW ABOUT JUSTICE? WE CAN TALK ABOUT JUSTICE!! JUSTICE IS GREAT!!!!!
GC: H3H3H3H3 W3LL 4S GR34T 4S JUST1C3 1S 1 F1ND YOUR SUDD3N 1NT3R3ST 1N 1T V3RY SUSP1C1OUS >:P
GC: OH G33Z3 HOLD ON G4MZ33S DO1NG SOM3TH1NG W31RD.
GC: BL4R, WH4T 1S H3
GC: PQG19[JUNF'ON
GC: IJFTVY
GC: [8u99999999999999999999999999999999999
-- gallowsCallibrator [GC]'s computer has been clubbed into scrap metal! --
CG: OH THANK CLOWN GOD.
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with centaursTesticle [CT] --
-- centaursTesticle [CT] joined private chat --
AG: Heeeeeeeey Equiuuuuuuuus.
AG: Guess what?
CT: D --> What
AG: I just got me a m8sprit.
AG: A totally handsome tough non-crippled m8sprit named Tavros Nitram.
CT: D --> Ick
CT: D --> Your obsession with pursuing these worthless lowb100ds is detestable as always
AG: Says the guy who's crushing hard on Aradia. You 8n't in no position to judge me!
CT: D --> That accusation is baseless slander
AG: Equius.
AG: You're not fooling anyone. Eeeeeeeevery8ody knoooooooows.
AG: 8ut who cares a8out Aradia. Tavros and I are going to 8e the perfect fairytale m8sprits like in one of his crappy stories.
CT: D --> I doubt that
AG: >::::/
CT: D --> In all likelihood you will bicker e%cessively over pointless topics until one of you winds up dead
CT: D --> It's how your relationships tend to go
AG: Woooooooow, rude much?
AG: Tavros and I are in pity and we're a8solutely going to make this work. I don't remem8er it 8eing any of your 8usiness who I 8icker with!!!!!!!!
CT: D --> Ah
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Your bickering is
CT: D --> None of my business
AG: Man, what is with you lately?
CT: D --> There is nothing with me
AG: Ugh, whateeeeeeeever.
AG: I just thought I'd let you know so you can help spread the news around. I want every8ody to hear a8out this. Eeeeeeeevery8ody!!!!!!!!
AG: You can tell Nepeta! I 8et she'll 8e scram8ling to get us all officialized on her wall.
CT: D --> Was that all you wanted
AG: So eager to get rid of me, huh? 8ut actually, no!
AG: The real reason I got ahold of you was to send you the latest version of the IG soundfile. I took out a 8unch more of the middle frequencies and I figured we could test it out.
CT: D --> E%cellent
AG: Eeeeeeeexcellent!
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] sent centaursTesticle [CT] the file: invertedglu8version35.psi --
CT: D --> I will begin activating the device immediately
AG: Oh hey, I've 8een meaning to ask you.
AG: How the heck are you getting away with making this thing in the middle of 8oot camp, anyway?
AG: If you're not 8eing careful we could 8oth end up waist deep in crap, you know!
CT: D --> I requested a small workspace adjacent to the metalshop, so that I could continue my roboti% work
CT: D --> It was intended that I share it with several other ruffiannihilators
CT: D --> But they informed me that I could have the space to myself
AG: Ahahahahahahahaha! I 8et they did, after they saw one of your sick ro8ot death matches. Way to chase them off!
CT: D --> I was actually just putting up some posters
AG: XXXXD
AG: Smooooooooth.
CT: D --> The IG's speakers are primed
CT: D --> I must point out that as we make changes to this file it effe% my level of the hemospectrum less and less
CT: D --> There is only so much longer I will make for a viable test subject
CT: D --> We are fast approaching the realm of guesswork
AG: I keep saying we should get Gamzee in here.
CT: D --> And I keep saying
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> We have no right to imperil his life, it is more valuable than ours
AG: Yeah right!!!!!!!!
CT: D --> You will stop asking
CT: D --> Before I run the audio file, tell me what to e%pect
AG: Oh, right.
AG: I think I've mostly knocked out our part of the hemospectrum. At this point we're reeeeeeeeally close to targeting nothing 8elow indigo.
AG: So if I did this right, which come on, of coooooooourse I did! You'll pro8a8ly just get a really nasty headache.
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> That's good, that's progressive to our goal
AG: Pfffffffft, yeah, sure.
CT: D --> What's that supposed to mean
AG: Just that it's no wonder you don't want to get another test su8ject! You're having too much fun taking it like a gross masochist.
CT: D --> I am not
AG: Yes you are.
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> I am doing my duty and you will act more professionally about it
CT: D --> Now be silent while I begin the test run
CT: D --> Oh goodness you were right about the headache
AG: Yeah, have fun with that "duty" you sicky sick sicko.
CT: D --> Some of those weren't even real words
AG: Admit it! You enjoy torturing yourself with this thing! You are soooooooo disgusting.
CT: D --> Do stop typing
CT: D --> This is
CT: D --> Painful enough without talking to you
AG: Admiiiiiiiit it.
AG: Say "I'm a sicky sick sickoooooooo!"
CT: D --> Are you
CT: D --> Seriously attempting to a%cess my head in the middle of a weapons test
CT: D --> Is that what you're doing right now
AG: Of course not. Why would I do that????????
CT: D --> You are
CT: D --> I can feel you
CT: D --> You are going to skew our test results with this f001ish game and you will cease at once
AG: Don't get all riled up, Sweatquius, I'm just messing around! If you get to have fun during these tests then I should get to have fun too.
CT: D --> Get out of my head
CT: D --> Your powers don't work on me and the fact that you are trying is infantile and stupid
AG: The fact that you're getting off on 8lasting yourself with a superweapon is infantile and stupid.
CT: D --> I am not
AG: Infantile and stupid and siiiiiiiick.
CT: D --> Stop
CT: D --> Wait
CT: D --> Wait, no, continue
AG: Um, what?
AG: Eeeeeeeew, now you're getting off on me 8eing grossed out 8y you getting off, aren't you!
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> Er
CT: D --> Maybe
CT: D --> But I was referring to your mind powers
CT: D --> Are you still using them
AG: Yeah. Why?
CT: D --> It doesn't hurt anymore
AG: ::::?
CT: D --> The IG
CT: D --> From the moment you began trying to control me psionically
CT: D --> It stopped hurting
CT: D --> What did you do
AG: Nothing!
AG: Or uh, nothing different that usual? Just fidding around with your head like I always do to people.
AG: Are you suuuuuuuure you didn't just accidentally turn it off or something dum8 like that?
CT: D --> I am certain
AG: May8e you got sweat all over it and it shorted out.
CT: D --> The device is still running
CT: D --> Still broadcasting sound waves
AG: Wow, that's weeeeeeeeird! Lemme ditch your head and see what happens.
CT: D --> AH
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Yes It hinkwe can assume the variabl
CT: D --> Dashitall
CT: D --> The variable effecting things in this instance was your inf100ence
AG: Headache's 8ack?
CT: D --> With a vengeance
AG: Holy shit.
CT: D --> I am shutting down the IG
CT: D --> Do make an attempt to guard your filthy tongue
AG: No really, holy shit.
AG: I just nullified the Inverted Goddamn Glu8 with my 8rain!!!!!!!!
CT: D --> Don't flatter yourself
CT: D --> If I were to guess I'd say your pathetic attempt at manipulation disrupted the signal
CT: D --> I don't know how or to what e%tent
CT: D --> I'm not even sure if that's what happened
AG: 8ut if that iiiiiiiis what happened, do you know what this means????????
CT: D --> No
AG: Me neither!
AG: 8ut it's pro8a8ly something 8ig?
AG: Oh man, do you think we can figure out what the heck that was and use it to insul8 Eridan and Feferi?
AG: That way we wouldn't have to narrow it down to the Empress's 8lood color, we could just pooooooooint and shoooooooot!
CT: D --> I think
CT: D --> Oh goodness yes
AG: Yeeeeeeees?
CT: D --> The idea has a surprising amount of potential
CT: D --> Miss Serket, for once you are a credit to your class
CT: D --> We need to get in contact with the rest of our psionics
CT: D --> We may have just perfected our superweapon