Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You sat at your table calmly as the alarm in your lab screeched.

DANGER PLEASE PROCEED TO THE NEAREST DISINFECTANT SHOWER DANGER-

Water pooled at your feet as you tried not to shiver in the thin bathrobe you’d taken. Your clothes – your favorite pair of jeans – were in a bio-hazard disposal bag waiting to be burnt to a crisp, as was the protocol.

Taking deep, slow breaths, you tried not to be angry with yourself. Your team, who had gotten caught in the crossfires with you, had adamantly waved off your apologies and were getting cleaned up now.

You hadn’t set off an alarm in years, not even when you were twelve. You honestly didn’t know what was more mortifying; the fact that you had been the one to decide to work with the hazardous chemical because you’d never had a code red or that you were so frustrated that you cried in the shower right after.

This was it – this was the week that was going to kill you. You slumped and put your forehead on the counter. You knew better than to work with dangerous chemicals when you were this exhausted. You hadn’t slept in well over two days and you had throbbing migraine. The press was going to have a field day.  

“Miss?” Friday called out. “The team has been notified and is on their way down. Mr. Stark is flying back.”

Before you could even digest that, you saw Natasha and Steve rush in through the elevator doors. The glass doors to your lab were sealed and wouldn’t be unsealed until the entire building was cleared. You didn’t even want to know what Natasha had done to gain access to the floor.

“Zaika?” Natasha asked, her voice muffled and expression worried. “Are you okay? What happened?”

The siren was still wailing, albeit muffled, but you could barely hear over it.

“Friday, open audio please,” you said tiredly.

“Kiddo?” Steve called out when you just dropped your forehead to the glass.

“Everyone’s fine,” you huffed.

Natasha frowned. “The building was put on lock down due to a code red bio-terrorist attack. We thought someone had-”

“What?” You straightened. “No – I just – I dropped a vial of a chemical strain that’s poisonous. We needed to clear the area and let Friday do the rest of the work. There’s no - attack. Jesus, Tony’s going to have a stroke.”

“Yeah, already had one.” Tony’s voice came through the speakers.

He stepped in through the private entrance towards the east, still half in his Iron Man suit.

“Friday told me it was a false alarm but-”

“-you had to come see for yourself,” you finished for him and thumped your head back onto the glass. “I am mortified.”

And you were. This was a rookie mistake that the entire building would know by this afternoon. God, you were going to be the bud of every joke for the entire year.

“Hey, it happens, remember the damage we did to New York when Loki tried to take over the world?” Steve said lightly, trying to get you to laugh.

Your frown deepened and Steve shrugged as if to say, I tried.

“Zaika,” Natasha said in her instructor’s voice.

Reflexively, you straightened and squared your shoulders back.

She smiled at you and nodded. “Chin up, eyes clear.”

You nodded, still feeling a bit down but knew better than to drag on your pity party.

“I’m fine, everyone’s fine, the hazmat team will be here soon. You guys continue doing whatever it is that you were doing.” You waved them off.

“Mr. Stark? Miss? I’m having a bit of trouble placating Sergeant Barnes. He’s threatening to break the doors if I don’t let him out,” Friday said, tone disapproving and urgent.

You rolled your eyes. “Natasha-”

She’d already turned towards the elevators. “On it.” Tony and Steve huffed, each waving and going their own ways.

“Friday, could you please open video conference with Medical Suite 1C?”

“Certainly.”

The glass wall darkened and a video feed of Bucky slamming his palm on the door appeared.

“Friday! Let me out or I’ll break it!”

“Buck?” You called out.

He whirled around and tilted ominously.

“You just broke both your legs,” you hissed, “lay down you lunatic.”

He hobbled over to the screen and put his hand up. “Friday said the code red was in your lab, what happened?”

“I won’t tell you until you lie down,” you said.

“Doll,” he growled.

“You broke both legs yesterday on a recon mission and your arm is out of service. That means you have a single working limb to catch you should anything happen. Park your ass down Barnes or I’ll sic Natasha on you.”

“Too late.” Natasha came in through the door and helped Bucky onto his bed. “Don’t make me smack you.”

Bucky sat up and pointed at you. “What. Happened.”

“Nothing. Apparently, I’m a rookie and dropped something I shouldn’t have. This is just protocol. The system read it as a chemical attack until Friday could override it,” you huffed. “Will you please calm down? I’ll need to finish up here before I can come down.”

Bucky frowned. “No one’s hurt?”

“Just my fragile pride,” you sighed.

“Which will survive,” Natasha shot you a look.

You waved it off and pointed to the IV he’d pulled out. “Can you call a nurse he knows or Bruce to come put that back in?”

“I don’t need it,” he interjected.

“It’s helping you heal your legs within days instead of weeks – do you want to suffer?” You said, getting annoyed.

Before Bucky could snip back, Natasha stood and blocked him. “Okay! You two are getting a time out. Barnes, stop being a baby – you’re getting the IV put back in. You, stop being cranky and go help the biohazard team. Okay? I’ll talk to you when you’re allowed out.”

The screen went black and you sighed.

“Director?” One of the new assistants called out timidly, her hair drenched, and wrapped in a blanket. “The team is here.”

“I’m coming,” you mumbled.

You were sprawled on your couch, head hanging off the end, and frowning at your TV.

“Hey,” Bucky said, voice light and tentative.

Lifting your head, you watched him swing on his crutches until he flopped onto the couch next to you.

“Hey,” you said quietly.

Bucky lifted your legs and settled them on his lap.

“Your legs-”

“-will be fine, relax Iubire,” he said, "I'm made of tougher stuff, literally."

You eyed him, making sure you weren’t putting too much pressure on his knees and settled in.

After a few beats, and numerous medical commercials, Bucky sighed.

“Since when do you watch CNN at ten at night?” He asked, looking for the remote.

Nodding towards the coffee table, he frowned. You knew you should offer to get up and get it for him but you didn’t.

“Since my stupid mistake cost the Stark Industries stock to go down and the evening news questioned our principals and ability to function as a company,” you said miserably.

In reality, you shouldn’t be watching the news – that had always been Pepper and Tony’s first rule. You don’t google anything, you don’t read anything, and you don’t watch anything. But still, you couldn’t help but feed the little insecure, anxious monster inside you.

Who told you that you could be Director? Why did you ever think that was possible? It whispered at you. You’re out of your depth, you’re a disappointment.

“Iubire,” Bucky pulled your hand until you sat up. “I have no doubt that Tony did more damage to the company image in 2008 than you did this afternoon.” 

Smiling despite yourself, you shook your head. “It doesn’t matter, I did this,” you waved a hand towards the television where a journalist was reporting from outside the lobby.

“Friday, can you change the channel?” Bucky asked.

“Certainly.”

The screen flickered until it settled on the history channel, Bucky’s favorite.

“Hey.” You felt him tap your chin. “Look at me.”

You reluctantly turned to meet his gaze and huffed when he didn’t immediately say anything.

“What?” You sighed.

“I want to hear you say it,” he said, his eyes holding you captive.

“Say what?”

“You know what.”

You heaved a dramatic sigh and a corner of Bucky’s mouth twitched. “Come on.”

“I’m a good person, I’m only human, and my mistakes don’t define me,” you mumbled.

Everyone on the team had filtered through therapy over the years – this most recent round had Bucky coming away with mantras you needed to repeat when feeling crappy.

You’d never gotten around to finding one you liked but Bucky always made you repeat his when you were upset.

“What was that?” He said, craning forward and tapping his ear.

Despite your situation, you smiled. “I’m a good person, I’m only human, and my mistakes don’t define me.”

Bucky leaned back into the cushions and nodded. “Good, now you just need to believe it. We all make mistakes doll, it’s human. You’re good at what you do and you’re the best there is. Don’t let people who don’t know any better,” he motioned to the TV, “tell you any different. You’re here because you belong there.”

You let the words sink in and nodded after a few minutes.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier,” you said, picking at your nails. “I didn’t mean to; I know you were just trying to make sure I was okay.”

Bucky intertwined his fingers with yours and squeezed reassuringly. “I shouldn’t have snapped back at you either. I was just worried – Friday wouldn’t tell me anything beyond the initial code red.”

“I know,” you lifted his hand and kissed his knuckles. You suddenly pulled back and Bucky frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“I know you don’t usually get sick,” you said, trying to think about it, “but…a few of us seemed to have gotten something after the disinfectant.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, pressing a hand to your forehead.

You tried to stifle a smile. Bucky always assumed you had a fever, despite never being able to tell when you did.

“Friday?” You called out for help.

“The Director is showing signs of a throat infection and upper respiratory infection. Mrs. Adler, Ms. Suarez and Mr. Yoon have also presented similar symptoms.”

“Is it because of the chemical?” He asked.

You shrugged. “We were all cleared by two medics. We’re not sure what it could it be but it’s probably not related. I’m the one that dropped it and my exposure was minimal, if that.”

“Then what?”

“Due to protocol, everyone had to take multiple showers in different disinfectants. The temperature in the laboratory was set at a lower level to stop the bacteria from spreading. Unfortunately, this seemed to compromise some immune systems.”

“Thank you, Friday,” you said quietly.

“So….”

“We all stood soaking wet in a freezer for an hour and most of us got sick. Elena and Sung-Min just have colds. I’m the only one who had to be hosed down so many times to be sure,” you shrugged. “It’s probably not any more serious than a regular infection.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive,” you smiled, “I feel fine.”

It took exactly twenty-four hours for you to regret your flippant attitude.

You heard your front door open and a familiar voice call out your name. You tried to summon the energy to answer but all you accomplished was lifting your head. After a minute, you became too tired and slumped over.

“Maco?” Wanda called out, her footsteps coming close towards your bedroom. “You missed your debriefing this morning and Pepper asked me to – Maco!”

Wanda jumped to the side to avoid stepping on you.

“Are you alright?”

You opened an eye, squinting at the sudden bright light and groaned.

She crouched down, pressing a hand to your cheek. “You’re too warm, Friday?”

“Her current temperature is 102.57,” Friday announced. “I’ve been instructed to let the med bay know in four hours, after Mr. Stark is done with the press conference.”

“Of course,” Wanda huffed, “what are you doing on the floor?” 

“The floor was cooler than my bed,” you said, your eyelids burning. “I was trying to get some water but the walk was too far. I had to lie down.”

“On the floor?” Her eyebrow rose.

“Yes?”

Wanda frowned. “Where’s Bucky?”

“Went Upstate a few hours ago.” You closed your eyes again; it was too exhausting to keep them open. “Bruce wanted to do final scans on his legs to make sure they were healing right.”

“And he left you like this?” She asked, disbelief evident in her tone.

You tried to sit up, failed, and slumped back down onto your bedroom floor. “Yeah, I pretended I was asleep when he was saying goodbye.”

Wanda slipped a hand under each your arms but you were dead weight, even for her. She huffed and waved a hand until you floated into the air and into your bed.

“Oof.” You sunk into your bed and mumbled your thanks.

“I’m going to bring you some soup, you need to stay hydrated. Why haven’t you called for a doctor?” Wanda tucked you into the bed, the blankets feeling nice. “You know how Tony gets.”

“No, he’s got an important meeting at noon,” you said, grabbing her wrist. “Please, don’t tell him. He’ll drop everything and come pace a hole into my floors. Besides, it’s just an infection, my fever broke this morning before it spiked up and I spent the night hydrating. I’m just worried it has something to do with the chemical – four hours from now won’t kill me.”

“Maco,” she sighed, “he’s going to find out eventually anyway.”

“Eventually,” you stressed. “He’s already stuck in meetings all day because of my mistake on Wednesday. If he misses them, it looks even worse on the company.”

“Okay,” Wanda said after a while, with a sigh. “You’re an adult and if this is what you want to do, wait until you feel worse, then I’ll keep your stupid secret.”

“Thank you, Wanda,” you said, pulling the covers around you. “I’m going to take a nap. By the time I wake up it should be time to go get checked out anyway.”

Wanda huffed and you felt her cool fingers press against your cheek. Your eyes closed and you buried into your bed.

It was just four hours…

You woke up suddenly, jerking up, and your entire body cracked like you were an eighty-year-old woman.

“Ouch, Jesus fu-”

“Ah, language,” Tony said, jerking a finger towards Steve, who stood by the door, “the old ball and chain doesn’t like it when you use expletives.”

“Tony you’re supposed to be in a meeting right now,” you frowned, eyes catching Wanda’s, “and you were supposed to stay quiet.”

Wanda sat in one of the chairs in the far corner and she shot you a worried look. “You got worse – quickly. I called Steve and he called-”

“Me,” Tony said, tone serious, “your fever rose to a hundred and three, Giggles. I gave you some antibiotics and fluids. You should be feeling better – your fever went down in the last hour.”

You looked up, realizing that a saline bag hung above your head. Damn, if you slept through setting up an IV then you must’ve been out of it.

“Tony, I’m fine-”

“-yeah, now that I took care of it,” he said, coming up to brush your forehead.

“Sergeant Barnes’ jet has been cleared for landing, his estimated arrival time is in five minutes,” Friday announced.

You let your head lull to the side and you scowled at them. “You guys called Bucky back? It’s just a fever! I barely got it this morning.”

“Kiddo,” Steve said, “how long do you think you’ve been sleeping?”

“Since Wanda found me this morning, what time is it?”

“That was over twelve hours ago,” Wanda said.

You blinked. Steve frowned, his expression worried. Tony, however, just snorted.

“She’s been like that since she was little,” Tony said with a half-smile. “When she was twelve, she caught a nasty bout of swine flu that was going around. ‘Was knocked on her ass for three days, totally incoherent and when she woke, she thought she’d fallen asleep in school.”

He pressed his cheek to your forehead and you stilled. It was so reminiscent of your mother that you had to bite your cheek from tearing up.

“You’re cooling down now.” Tony changed the ice packs he had on your neck and you sighed at the coolness. “Pepper took over all the meetings, she’s the actual CEO you know – I’m just a figurehead. Besides, it looked less biased coming from her.”

“How’d it go?” You asked, shifting.

“Perfect. The stock is already rising back up,” he smiled, “I had to practically push Pepper into the helicopter so she’d make her meeting in Miami.”

You frowned and picked at a peeling cuticle. “You know, I can take care of myself; I’d already had Friday set up to let you know I needed a round of antibiotics after your last meeting. I promise, I was going to go to the med bay – I had no indication that it was going to get worse.”

“Yeah, because there were no indicators. The chemical released particles into the air, which you breathed in, and while it’s not spreading - you still got the brunt of it.”

“Of what?”

“It seems that the chemical triggered a small reaction that mimicked the symptoms of a cold or regular infection, it would’ve continued to progress into someone else entirely if Wanda hadn’t called me,” he pointed to the IV, “and I hadn’t put that in.”

You watched him smile smugly and frowned, trying to think of a way around his argument. After a few moments, you sighed, conceding.

Tony snorted and you rolled your eyes. You couldn’t summon the energy to be mad. Besides, the same way you worried over him - he’d always hover protectively over you.

“Ever since the coma you all lose your minds over the smallest things. I’m not a kid anymore,” you said, trying to lighten the mood.

“So stop acting like one,” he said, pushing aside a stray piece of hair from your forehead. “Besides, you’ll always be my kid, so tough.”

You scrunched your nose at him and he stuck his tongue out at you.

“Incoming,” Steve mumbled.

The sound of crutches thumping towards your bedroom had you scrambling to sit up.

“You’ll pull the IV out, slowly, Jesus,” Tony sighed, his steadying hand on your arms.

Bucky swung into the room and took a look around.

“What the hell?” Bucky scowled.

“You’re going to kill me one of these days,” Bucky said, his hand running through your hair, looking up at the half-filled bag of saline.

“It is a little infection,” you protested, “you’ve seen me bleed out more times than I can count – this is what spooks you?”

“A hazmat team came in to clear your lab and half your team is out with this mysterious infection,” he said pointedly.

“A cold! It’s like a glorified cold!” You insisted.

“It’s that and your inability to admit when you need help,” Bucky said, his voice serious.

“Some people would say my stubbornness is endearing,” you said.

He huffed and his hands stilled. “I’m serious, you can’t keep trying to push through stuff – even the small things like this.”

“I know.” You took his hand in yours and sighed. “Would you believe me if I said I was going to go see a doctor? I just didn’t want to draw more attention to the fact that I’d fucked up. Especially with a lobby full of reporters.”

You looked up and Bucky gave you a small smile. “I understand that.”

“Besides, you’ve got to admit, you’re all a bit protective. I don’t see you all acting like Chicken Little for the other sick employees on my team.”

“Iubire-” he stopped, “what’s Chicken Little?”

You glared at him and he rolled his eyes.

“No, I’d be concerned for them but-”

“Aha!”

“But,” Bucky squeezed your hand, “I’m not their family – we – are your family. You always told me that I needed to realize I’m not a one-man team anymore. You yelled at me for an hour about how you needed me alive. Don’t you think that works both ways? Maybe you need to realize that you don’t have to prove anything to anyone either. You climbed your way up with your own merits.”

“It’s not that easy,” you mumbled quietly. “It’s different for me. The second anyone hears my name, they always look at me like they expect something from me.”

“I know,” he said quietly, his fingers dancing along your cheekbone, “but you got to the top, maybe it’s time to just enjoy the view.”

You deflated. You’d known you tended to be defensive, especially when anyone questioned your ability to do your job – either of them. You’d worked hard to get where you were – Director of Stark Labs and a member of the Avengers. It hadn’t been easy and you hated the implication that you’d gotten where you were because of who you knew and not who you were.

“You’re right,” you sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m going to try – I’m not promising anything – but, I’m going to try to be less hard-headed. If our positions were reversed….” You trailed off, remembering the countless times Bucky’s been hurt and why Steve never let you two be partners on missions.

“Hey,” Bucky said quietly, his look softening. “I understand better than anyone how hard it can be but, you’re not alone and I need you here.”

You chewed on your bottom lip, pensive.

He stopped and put a hand on your cheek. “I really need you here, alive and kicking. So do the rest of us, okay?”

“I know,” you said – and you did. “How did I get so lucky?”

At that, Bucky finally laughed, his eyes lighting up.

“Doll, I’m definitely the lucky one.” He kissed your forehead and squeezed your shoulder.

You went to argue but you yawned mid-sentence and Bucky smiled.

“We can pick this up tomorrow, let’s go to sleep,” he said and helped you move towards your side of the bed, arranging your IV carefully.

“Can you do me a favor?” You asked.

“Anything.”

You smiled at his lack of hesitance and pointed towards your poetry book.

“Will you please, please, read to me? Just for a little,” you widened your eyes and stuck out your lower lip.

Bucky huffed and reached out to take the book.

“Yes!” You cried, curling towards him. “You’re the best boyfriend in the entire world.”

His nose wrinkled and you snorted.

“I told you to pick something else-”

“-I haven’t thought of anything yet, I’ve been too busy taking care of you,” he interrupted.

“-until you do,” you said loudly, “I’m going to keep saying it.”

Bucky shot you a look and you grinned. “Go on,” you said.

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height...”

“I always forget how much of a baby you are once you’re passed the tough guy act,” Tony said, taking a bite of his apple.

“Do you need to chew so loudly?” You asked, shoving a tissue up your nose.

It’d been ten days since you’d passed out and you’d downgraded from bedbound – to just plain sick.

“Yes,” Tony, taking a louder bite.

“Children,” Pepper chided from the kitchen, “don’t make me put you in time out.”

You frowned and dropped your head onto the cool dining table. “I’m sick, make him be nice to me.”

“I’m always nice to you. In fact, I think a lot of people would argue that I’m nicest to you.”

“That’s true,” Pepper called from the kitchen.

“Lies,” you hissed, rubbing at your temples in a pathetic attempt at dulling the throbbing headache that had taken up permanent residence there.

Pepper placed a large bowl of chicken noodle soup in front of you and a sleeve of Ritz crackers.

“Fanks,” you mumbled around the tissue.

She placed a cool hand on your cheek and you leaned into her touch. You knew you were too old to be babied like you were – but at this point, you didn’t even care. You just wanted to be able to breathe through one of your nostrils, was that too much to ask?

“Where’s James?” Pepper asked, picking up a sushi roll with her chopsticks. “I told him to come with you if he was free.”

You shot Tony a look and snorted.

“What?” He asked, mid-bite. “I’m chewing quietly!”

“He’s never stepped foot into this part of the tower,” you swallowed a mouthful of noodles, “why do you think I came here when we had that big fight?”

Pepper frowned and glanced at Tony. “Stark,” she said, pointing her chopsticks at him.

“I didn’t tell him not to come here,” he said defensively.

You snorted. “Yeah, the same way he didn’t tell you not to come into our apartment.”

“I was there this week! When you tried to be Ms. Tough Guy and passed out on Wanda,” Tony exclaimed.

“Yeah, and that was the first time in how long? Since Bucky first moved in?” You snorted and almost choked. “I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it – we all know the situation is a bit – delicate.”

At that, Pepper snorted. Tony turned to her, aghast, but she continued chewing on her salmon roll.

“Besides, he was going to the compound with Steve,” you said, “Bruce said his legs are healed by now. He needed to help with the minor fractures with some machine he has up there. They’re still stiff and I think there’s something off about his left knee cap. Apparently everything had to be set right for it to heal, I don't know, Bruce talks fast when he's excited.”

“Have you ever thought of med school? Maybe that way you’d be able to accurate diagnose yourself-”

You chucked a cracker at him and he huffed.

“Now you’re just being childish,” Tony said, giving Pepper a look.

She sighed and pointed to his plate. “Eat your sushi.”

You’d just finished you bowl and was in the middle of a loud debate about your upcoming project when Friday’s voice interrupted.

“Captain Rogers is requesting to be patched in,” Friday announced. “He’s thirteen minutes from landing and requesting clearance to land. Should I put him through?”

You furrowed your brows. “They’re not supposed to be back until tonight.”

“Go ahead Friday,” Tony said, sitting up.

“Stark?” Steve’s voice came on overhead.

You straightened, that was Steve’s Captain America voice.

“What happened?” You asked, already starting to worry. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine,” Steve said, “just a little shaken up.”

“What happened?” Tony said, already walking over to the main control panel in the dining room. His hands flew over the screens and within seconds Steve’s face popped up. He smiled, eyes sad, when he saw you.

“Bruce had Bucky do a few laps around the gym – to see how his knee was healing - we were fine, joking about something when there was an explosion in one of the labs-”

“An explosion?” You all but shouted.

Pulling your phone out, you brought up the reports already piling up on your feed.

“Nothing major, you know it happens all the time. Bruce got it under control within minutes.”

“So, you’re all okay?” Pepper asked.

“Yeah,” he glanced over his shoulder and frowned. “Bucky wasn’t….it was too sudden. We were joking, not expecting anything, and I think it triggered something. He started having a panic attack and lashing out until a medic sedated him.”

You slumped, groaning.

“I know,” he sighed, “he’s still out but, Bruce thought it would be best to bring him back here. We thought he’d feel better if he woke up in his own bed - his own space. We’re landing in five.”

Already standing, you nodded. “Meet you on the roof.”

“Put on a sweater!” Steve shouted as you passed him by.

“You’re still sick!” Tony yelled out right after.

You rolled your eyes, grabbed one of Tony’s hoodies from the closet and slid it on.

“Hey, no, let her go. We’d only be in the way,” you heard Pepper say as you slid out the dining room and towards the elevators.

“Be honest,” you said as he helped transfer Bucky onto your bed, “how bad was it?”

Steve sank into the chair by the windows and rubbed a hand across his face. “In comparison to his old ones? Not bad…”

“But?”

“But he hasn’t had a setback in a long time,” Steve sighed. “You know how he gets when he takes a few steps back. Remember when he had that night terror a few weeks ago?”

You nodded. Bucky hated when he slid back, even if it was inevitable. You understood how frustrating it could be but, you always found it hard to watch when he was so hard on himself after.

“It’s been long enough,” you said, checking your watch, “why hasn’t he waken up?”

Steve pointed to the tablet in his duffel bag. “Bruce said he’d compile a report and send it to us.”

You found it quickly and frowned. “Why’d they use so much sedative? He’s going to be out for hours.”

“It was a blur,” Steve said, closing his eyes, “it happened really quickly and everyone panicked a little. He was helping the newbies with a bit of training when it – when he-”

Placing a hand over his, Steve huffed.

“He’s going to be so mad,” Steve frowned.

“Are you okay?” You asked, squeezing his hand. “I know you always stumble back a little when he does.”

“He’s my best friend,” he said.

“I know, he’s mine too,” you said softly, “I get it.”

Steve slumped back into the seat and nodded. “I know you do. I’m sorry – I’m tired but I’m okay. Thanks.”

“You should go get some rest, take a nap, you look like shit,” you said bluntly and smiled innocently, “no offense.”

Steve laughed loudly, grabbing his chest, and you smiled as the shadow over his face lightened.

“None taken. You look better though, Tony finally let up on the house arrest?”

“A little, it helps that I can stand and move around without hacking up a lung,” you said, resting your back against your footboard.

“That’s good, the antibiotics worked then.”

You nodded and pointed to the door. “Stop stalling Rogers, get to sleeping.”

Steve smiled and saluted. “Aye, aye Captain.”

Standing up, you crawled into bed next to Bucky and sighed when you saw a fresh bruise forming on his jaw. He’d probably have a black eye tomorrow.

“Hey, call me when he’s up?” Steve asked, grabbing his duffel.

“Of course,” you said, picking up the tablet and opening Bruce’s file again. You waved as Steve walked out.

You read through the reports, the sedative used, and you’d reached the end when an e-mail caught your eye.

From :  [email protected]

Subject : Video feed

I thought you’d like to see for yourself. Keep him hydrated and call in Steve if you need help. He went down pretty hard and could come out disoriented. Steve is usually a good bet on keeping him calm. It seems that mid-attack, he broke something in his arm. I’ve sent Tony the photos.

Both legs, as always, have healed well. I made adjustments to help the right knee snap back into place by itself. I’ve attached the new schedule for his physical therapy. Let me know if you need anything.

You frowned and looked through the images he’d sent of the broken pieces of Bucky’s arm - one that already healed. You answer Bruce, thanking him, and move on to the video attachment.

Within an instant, you find Bucky. You zoom a little, half-smiling when you see him mid laugh with Steve and another agent. Steve points to something to his left and suddenly an alarm goes off.

The windows above them shatter, shards of glass rain down on them and the footage becomes shaky. The blast seems to have been strong enough to have shaken the entire west wing.

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky, who was swinging at him. His chest heaved and your heart dropped into your stomach.

Bucky managed to toss Steve and a handful of agents aside before a dart hit his neck from somewhere out of frame. He took two steps before collapsing.

Shutting your laptop, you frowned. No one had been seriously injured but you already knew how angry he’d feel when he woke up. This hadn’t been the first time something like this had happened – Bruce and Sam had practically diagnosed you all with PTSD.

It’d taken a good while before you were able to be around guns after you’d been shot. There really wasn’t a way to be an Avenger without having it chip away at you.

So while this wasn’t new, it always broke your heart anyway. You knew how broken he felt coming out of moments like this, how much he hated the loss of control.

You turned to him, his face slack with sleep. Tracing a finger down his jaw, you tried to keep your own emotions at bay. You hated HYDRA for doing this to him, for the fact that life wasn’t fair but damn it, he deserved to get a break.

With a deep breath, you placed your laptop to the side and grabbed your tablet. You opened your files on Bucky’s arm and started sketching. You needed to do something productive, something that wouldn’t let you worry over him.

After a few drafts, it didn’t look like you’d be able to focus on anything anytime soon. Your eyes kept flickering over to Bucky’s bruises.

You bit your nail until it bled and huffed, annoyed at your own nervousness. You gave up trying to concentrate on the files and asked Friday to video call Tony.

“You know it takes, minimum, three minutes to go up one floor to my lab?” Tony asked.

You smiled at the sound of his voice, the knot in your chest loosening just a little.

“I know, I can’t leave him alone – he’s not awake yet,” you said quietly.

Tony sighed. “How is he?”

“Physically? Okay.”

“How are you?”

“Me?” You scoffed. “I’m not the one who took the hit.”

“No, but you always did have the talent of soaking up everyone’s pain around you.”

You stayed quiet, mulling over his words and you slumped into your seat. He was right.

“It’s alright, Giggles. We all haven’t been able to shake that pesky habit.”

“I’m just-” you sighed, “it’s always one thing after the other with us. We can never all be okay. Something’s always off balance.”

“I know,” Tony said, his voice trailing off, a smile forming on his lips. “I used to tell your mom that all the time.”

You blinked. “You did?”

“Yeah,” he huffed, “the Avengers weren’t a thing then but, with Pepper – we’d always just miss each other. If it wasn’t one thing, it was the other. I’d ask her when the universe would just let me take a deep breath.”

“What…what’d she say?”

Tony mimicked her voice. “Antonio, the universe doesn’t owe you anything. Stop whining, chin up, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

You laughed. That did sound like her.

“It is good advice,” you said, “she always said that. Tomorrow is a new day, you just got to be able to put one foot in front of the other.”

“She was a smart woman,” Tony said quietly.

“I keep trying to focus on something, anything, but my brain feels like it’s going to melt.”

Tony shook his head and tapped on his laptop in front of him. “Let’s try to keep your mind off it - I saw Banner’s e-mail, take a look at the damage done to the nervous system first.”

The screen filled with the blueprints of Bucky’s arm and Tony quickly rearranged some of the malfunctioning pieces. Trying to keep in your smile, you bit your cheek.

“I think if we fuse together the wires that were severed with those…”

The words in front of you were blurring. You blinked and rubbed your eyes, trying to get them to focus. After a few minutes with no improvement, you put your tablet aside and straightened. Your back cracked as you stood and you took that as a sign to do some stretching.

Your throat and head were still killing you so you’d opened the door to your terrace, the cool wind helping wake you up. You walked around for a minute, taking in the city and lights on the buildings around you. December in New York really was an entity on its own.

You heard a loud, strangled, gasping noise and whirled around. Bucky scrambled to his feet, his right hand instinctively going for the empty gun holster on his thigh. You approached slowly, focusing on his disoriented expression. He jerked up when he heard you, eyes wild and scared.

“The gun is on the night table, if you want it. I didn’t take it from you,” you told him.

He didn’t take his eyes off of you, which was a good sign. You kept your hands where he could see them clearly and took a few tentative steps towards him.

“Bucky,” you said quietly, “do you know where you are?”

He seemed to take that as an invitation to glance around the room.

“My room?”

You nodded and his fists unclenched.

“Our room,” he said quietly.

“Yeah, it’s our room in our apartment in the Stark Tower.” You took another step towards him. “Do you remember how you got here?”

“No,” he said eventually, “there was a bomb…”

“It wasn’t a bomb - it was an explosion in the lab upstate.”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I heard Steve’s voice….is he okay?”

“Steve’s fine, he’s the one who brought you back after Bruce knocked you out.”

Bucky’s shoulders dropped from their position around his ears and you smiled.

“James,” you said, reaching a hand out for him, “it’s me.”

Bucky jerked as if you’d smacked him over the head. He blinked a few times before he hesitantly took your hand.

“Iubire?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” You slowly pushed him back down onto the bed.

He looked at you, his eyes taking you in, and you realized that he wasn’t breathing.

“Hey, breathe, it’s okay – you’re okay. In through your nose, out through your mouth.”

Bucky made a choking noise and you placed your hand on his shoulders, trying to ground him.

“Inhale – good - one, two, three, four,” you guided him through the first few breaths and let him do it himself until he stopped.

“Sorry,” he said, voice hoarse.

Your heart broke for him, knowing how hard he always was on himself.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” You sat down next to him and rubbed his back.

His eyes tightened and he frowned. “It’d been a while since…since something caught me off guard like that. Did I – is everyone-”

“No casualties, everyone’s fine,” you said, rubbing a hand up his back. “How do you feel?”

“Honestly?”

“Always.”

Bucky smiled softly. “Like someone put me in a blender.”

“That’s understandable.” You propped your chin on his shoulder and let him work through his own thoughts.

“You want to go to sleep?” You asked. “It’s late but I have some food in the fridge if you want something to eat.”

“No.” He rubbed a hand across his face. “I’m not hungry.”

“Okay,” you said quietly. You’d learned that it was always easiest to let Bucky set the pace. “Can I just say one more thing?”

He nodded and placed a hand over yours.

“You’re a good person, you’re only human, and your mistakes don’t define you,” you said quietly, reminding him.

He sat there, breathing deeply, for a few more minutes. You pressed a kiss to a scar you knew he had on his bicep. Bucky shivered and looked over his shoulder at you. His eyes were pained and vulnerable.

You smiled sadly at him. “Sometimes I wish I could take this on for you, or at least help you carry it.”

Bucky turned to face you, his arms going around you and he buried his face into your neck. You wrapped your arms around his back, wishing you could shield him from everything.

“You do,” he said after a while.

“What?” You asked, scratching his scalp lightly.

He sighed into your neck and you tapped his ear.

“I do, what?”

“You do help,” he said quietly, “more than you know.”

You smiled softly and pulled him tighter against you. “Tomorrow is a new day, we just have to put one foot in front of the other.”

Whirling around, you shot Steve a look.

“Ask me one more time if I’m okay and I’m going to shove you out the jet,” you said to Steve, who’d been shooting you worried glances all morning. While you were cleared for active duty, you still hadn’t managed to completely shake off your cough. Every time you so much as cleared your throat, Steve jumped.

“I didn’t say anything!” Steve turned to Bucky, as if looking for back-up.

You shot him a sharp look, and he shrugged. “Bruce and Tony cleared her. She’s going to end up shooting you if you ask again.”

Steve opened his mouth and Bucky shot him a look. “I’ve also been cleared, don’t go there.” His shoulders slumped slightly but he nodded.

You felt a little bad snapping at Steve, it was like yelling at a puppy sometimes.

“You wouldn’t be insistently asking the junior agents if they’re okay,” you pointed out to him.

“I would,” he said and you squinted your eyes at him. “You’re different – both of you are.”

You smiled and squeezed his hand. “We’ve had worse injuries, Rogers.”

He frowned and you knew it was hard – for all of you. Sometimes you still had flashes of Tony getting hit or Bucky bleeding out on the ground and you understood. It’s hard to treat everyone the same when a handful of them were your family. That is what Tony called, the hazard of working for the Avengers.

“Besides, we’re all you got right now anyway. Everyone else is busy or not on active duty right now,” you told him.

Steve snorted. “You’re right.”

You punched his arm lightly and frowned. “I’m not sure if I should be insulted or not.”

He smiled and ruffled the side of your head.

“Alright, Cap’ go get changed, we’re almost there,” you told him, taking a seat next to Bucky so that you could finish lacing up your boots.

“He’s just being Steve, you know that,” Bucky said lightly.

You tightened your laces and nodded. “I know, but he can’t show favoritism – not to me and definitely not to you,” you said pointedly. “Tony and Pepper, Tony and me, that’s different. You know how delicate we need to tread, especially you and me.”

Bucky smiled, amused. “Is that why we haven’t partnered up on any missions?”

“No, it’s because neither of us knows how to follow orders.” You stuck your tongue out at him and he laughed. “This is just an intel mission anyway– we’re not rescue or takeover. Newbies do these in their training.”

Steve had picked you as Beta for the same reason everyone did when it came to intel missions. You were the best when it came to slipping in and out undetected.

“It’s important intel,” Bucky said, “Natasha said this could help bring down a major HYDRA camp.”

“I know, I compiled the data,” you rolled your eyes. “Besides, five of us are on this assignment, how hard can it be?”

You had jinxed yourself. Everyone knew that you didn’t go into a mission already assuming it would be easy.

Natasha’s voice wiggled into your head.

First rule, never go into a mission overconfident. You’re not only you out there. You are part of a team, and there’s nothing more important than keeping them alive. If you want to get yourself killed with your ego, by all means.

“What the hell happened?” Steve’s voice boomed in your ear.

The sound of rapid-fire gunshots had you running faster. “I’m a floor down, I’m closest – Cap’, I only got seventy-five percent done.”

“At this point, I’ll be surprised if they don’t take the entire base out,” Steve huffed. “I’m too far out to get there quickly. I want to see what I can salvage. Wanda?”

“Already on my way,” she answered.

“I got them all,” Bucky said, panting, “but not before they called for backup.”

“The alarm will probably go off-” you were cut off by a shrill ringing, “-there it is.”

You burst through the exit door and came face to face with Bucky.

“What happened? Are you injured?”

He shook his head. “Agent Perez is hit in the hip, it’s through and through. Looks like to me it didn’t hit anything important.”

“Still hurts like a bitch,” Perez shouted from the side.

You rushed over to where the Agent laid, her face twisted in pain. “Hey, pain is good – means you’re still alive.”

“Fucking HYDRA,” she hissed as you double checked. “The bleeding isn’t too bad. I want you back on the jet. Can you handle taking her back?” You asked the other Omega.

“I can still shoot from the ground,” Perez protested.

You shot her a look and she huffed.

Your other Agent nodded, pulling her into a fireman’s carry and started for the quinjet.

“We’re about to get swarmed,” you said, “we need to hold them off until Steve’s done.”

“I just need five minutes,” Steve said, “they’ll leave this place and I want to get anything they have on file.”

“We can get you ten minutes,” you looked back at Bucky for confirmation. He nodded and pulled out his guns.

You watched as the first wave of HYDRA agents ran towards you.  

“What happened?” You asked him, unfolding your bow and shooting off a handful of explosive arrows.

Bucky pulled you behind a shed for cover and you ducked as they went off.

“One of them,” he said, standing and pointed to the body slumped on the far-left wall. “He recognized me, I got caught up and he started saying the words and – I blanked. I thought he was dead and I - Perez jumped when he pulled out his gun and I didn’t snap back until after.”

“Shit,” you scowled, anger unfurling in your chest. “Do you remember him? From – before.”

Bucky nodded sharply. “He was one of my trainers…. he liked using prisoners as practice.”

Your stomach dropped to your feet and you shot him a sad look.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly, “we’ve always known this was a possibility. They can’t hurt me. The words don’t control me.”

Nodding, you brought his forehead down to yours and you breathed him in. “The words don’t control you,” you echoed.

The second wave of agents should be coming soon. “I’ve only got two more explosives - they’ll be ready for the third. I didn’t know I’d need more,” you said apologetically.

Bucky smiled ruefully. “This ones on me, doll.”

You shot him a sharp look and Wanda landed a few yards away. She jogged over and threw a few ammo clips over to Bucky.

“I brought you some back up,” she said with a disdainful look to the bodies on the floor. “Has anyone checked for prisoners?”

“Clear,” Steve said for the both of you. “All cells are empty. They look like they were preparing for something.”

“And now they’re going to be in the wind.” Bucky swore, looking like he was about to punch the wall.

“Incoming,” you shouted, putting another arrow into place and letting it fly.

Wanda hid behind her own cover and you crouched down with Bucky.

“We got two minutes,” you said, “everyone ready?”

Nodding, Wanda’s hands lit up their familiar bright red and you swapped your bow for your batons. They flickered to life and you cracked your neck.

“Alright everyone – Steve?” You said.

“Almost done, five minutes,” he said. “I’ll double back around for the jet and on my signal you guys run like hell into the trees.”

You nodded and turned to Bucky – who still had a hardened expression on his face. You tapped his jaw and his tense shoulders relaxed minutely.

“This is not your fault,” you said quietly, “we’ll find them eventually and we’ll take them down when it’s the right time. Don’t let them mess with your head.”

He nodded, jaw clenched and you smiled softly.

“’Till the end of the line,” you said quietly.

Bucky’s eyes cleared and he pressed a quick kiss to your cheek.

“Okay Wanda, you’re up first,” you yelled out.

She grinned, her eyes glowing red. “This should be fun.”

“You okay?” Nicole, your favorite ground medic, asked.

“Yeah, whatever you gave me earlier is working,” you said quietly, readjusting the ice bag on your shoulder. “Thanks.”

She smiled and went back to Wanda, who was fussing about her arm. You turned to put a hand to Bucky’s temple and he leaned into your touch.

“You okay?” You asked quietly.

He shrugged a shoulder and nodded. “My arm is fine and my side should be healed up by the time we land home.”

“Bucky…”

“Don’t.”

You felt the cushion dip with someone’s weight and you turned to shoot Steve a look.

“It’s not your fault,” Steve said quietly, watching Nicole fuss over a scowling Perez.

Buck snorted.

Steve sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Buck, we all miscalculated. You three,” he gestured at Wanda, Agent Perez, and yourself, “were just the ones who took the biggest hit.”

You snorted – that was an understatement. You’d probably be off duty after that hit to your ribs, there was no way Nicole or Bruce would clear you until the New Year.

“You win some and you lose some, you both know how that works,” Steve said quietly, “you’re not machines and we don’t expect you to be.”

With a small smile, Steve patted your good shoulder and walked over to Wanda.

“Can I just say one thing?” You asked quietly. “Just one and I’ll leave it, I promise.”

At that, a corner of Bucky’s mouth quirked up and he nodded.

“I could not be prouder of you,” you said.

Bucky blinked. “What?” He looked at you, brows raised.

Nodding, you grabbed his hands and took them between your own. “These people, the compounds, the bases, the intel, the rescue missions, everything – they’re your demons. You never once stepped down; you’ve always risen to the challenge even though no one would think less of you if you did.”

“I’m not-”

“You are,” you squeezed his hand, “you’re facing them head on and this is the first time you’ve ever stumbled. After all these years, that’s a great track record. I know you’ve been having setbacks recently but recovery- healing- that process isn’t a linear one.”

His eyes dropped to your hands, entangled in each other. “I know.”

“Do you?” You ducked, trying to catch his gaze. “You’re doing amazing, please don’t let your two steps back fool you into thinking otherwise. I know it feels like a never-ending fight, and it is in some ways, but it’s worth it.”

Bucky looked up at you, the darkness in his eyes receding a little, and he smiled at you. It was small and tired – but it was real.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“I love-” a strangled scream interrupted you and you jumped up to see Wanda slumped over.

Steve had an arm around her waist and Nicole was rubbing her shoulder. “Sorry, sorry, it’s back in now.”

Wanda started cursing in Sokovian, her eyes shooting daggers at Steve, and Bucky snorted.

You smothered a smile and slumped back down into your seat. Setting your head down on Bucky’s shoulder, he helped you keep the ice pack on your ribs and you eased into his chest.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, exhaustion finally hitting you.

He kissed the top of your head and you smiled, eyes slipping closed.

“Wake me up when we’re cleared to land,” you said.

Bucky hummed, the sound soothing and you popped your head up, looking at him.

“We should do something, just us. A movie, dinner, a walk through Central Park – something normal.”

He looked down at you, smile slowly growing. “You askin’ me out?” He said finally, his smile smug and Brooklyn accent thick.

“What, you busy?” You rolled your eyes.

“Maybe, I gotta check my calendar.”

“Playing hard to get?” You raised a brow.

Bucky grinned. “I can’t make it too easy for you.”

You raised your brow and trailed a hand across his jawline, your nails scratching his scruff. He shivered and you brought your fingers to the skin just below his ear. His eyes didn’t stray from you, even when you leaned in to playfully nip at his throat. You press a kiss to the reddening patch of skin and Bucky instinctively tightened his hold on you.  

“You don’t seem that hard to get,” you teased.

His eyes drifted down to your lips, hunger flashing in his eyes. “Maybe just this once,” he said.

You laughed, ignoring the sharp pain in your side, and he smiled. His eyes traveled down the length of your face and his fingers came up to your neck.

“What?” You asked, kissing his jaw. “I was just teasing.”

“I know,” he said, bringing his forehead down to yours. “Thank you.” You bumped his nose with yours and the shy smile he gave you in return made your heart burst.

“For what?”

“For everything,” he said, finally kissing you.

“Why do I feel like the universe has a personal vendetta against us?” You asked Bucky, smiling kindly at the waitress who came over to take your drink orders. You tried to discretely wipe off some of the rain that had pummeled you both on the way out of the cab.

“Because you Starks have a tendency for the dramatic,” he said, smiling. “Besides, today hasn’t been so bad and if you play your cards right, tonight will be even better.”

You snorted and shook your head. “You tried to kiss me today and I almost blacked out when your hand hit the bruises on the entire left side of my body. You kneecap popped out while we were running from the unscheduled torrential downpour, and I almost snapped my ankle on the steps to the restaurant.”

Bucky opened his mouth and you glared. “Okay, it’s been a shitty month,” Bucky admitted.

Smiling, you sipped your drink and winced as your ribs tugged painfully.

“Next month will be better,” he said, brushing his thumb across your palm. “Next week will be better.”

“It has to,” you sighed, “Christmas is coming soon and if this cloud we’re all under keeps following us then I demand a refund.”

Bucky shot you an amused look. “A refund?”

“A refund,” you confirmed. “A refund on this shitty year.”

“Mexico was fun,” he said and you thought back on the vacation you’d taken in the summer.

“The resort almost burned down,” you said dryly.

“…up until then.”

You huffed and bit into some bread. “At least I know this place won’t give me food poisoning.” Bucky winced and you frowned. You still refused to even go anywhere near Per Se – the thought of the French cuisine made your stomach turn.

“Cheers to that,” Bucky raised his beer bottle and took a sip.

“Our anniversary is coming up,” you nudged Bucky with your foot, “Fatima said she’s still doing renovations at her restaurant but she’ll whip something up for just us if we want.”

Bucky straightened. “Seriously?”

You laughed lightly and he smiled. “That’s where we had our first date, it seemed poetic to go back to where it all started,” you said and tilted your head. “Although, would it really count as our first date?”

“Why wouldn’t it?” Bucky asked.

You shot him a look. “Because two French girls came over, started flirting with you and you asked me if you thought you should get her number.”

Bucky’s neck grew red and you grinned. Technically, it was true. You’d been under the impression that you were both on a first date – Bucky, however, had thought you were having dinner as friends.

“Not that time,” Bucky muttered, “and I never called either of them.”

“I’d hope not.” You rolled your eyes. “So, what do you think? Go out or do you want to just stay home? I think that movie you mentioned is coming out on Christmas.”

“Is Tony throwing another party this year?” Bucky asked, voice pained. You laughed and shook your head.

“No, he said he was too tired from last year. I think we’re just doing Secret Santa this year – weirdly, everyone told Tony they’d be coming. Clint and Laura haven’t come to the tower for Christmas in years,” you smiled, “it’s going to be nice, just all of us together. I lucked out this year, I got Sam – you know how easy he is to shop for.”

Before Bucky could say anything, you jumped. “Oh! Did I tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Clint said he was going to ask Laura to renew their vows, Tony already said he was going to make it the event of the year,” you snorted, “Clint’ll love that, especially after the baby shower. A Christmas proposal, Laura’s going to be so excited.”

“Yeah, he told me,” Bucky’s eyes darted away from yours and he nodded. “I wonder what’s taking so long.”

You frowned at the change of subject and grabbed another slice of bread. “We only just ordered, besides, it’s full tonight.”

“It’s been a while,” he said, his tone off. “Does something seem off?”

Glancing around, you opened your mouth to ask him what was wrong when you heard a familiar sound. You turned to Bucky, who had frozen mid-drink.

You frowned. “Was that-”

He nodded.

“In here?” You clutched your glass. “Could we be wrong?”

“It’s a pretty distinct sound and from what I heard, coming from directly behind you. It sounded like it was an eight-seventy.”

“I only heard one.” You tried to discretely look around the restaurant and no one seemed to have noticed. “Do you see anything?”

Bucky rolled his shoulder and glanced behind him. “Six o’clock, one of the waitresses is fumbling with the checks.”

You looked over his shoulder and noticed the woman he was talking about. She was trembling, her hands reaching for the cards and cash. She caught your eyes and you saw the tears in her eyes. She seemed to try to mouth something to you but you weren’t able to catch anything.

Someone two tables down from you stood, blocking her from your vision. You stood, trying to see around him but she was gone.

The restaurant was split into two rooms, the bar and the dining room. By her uniform you assumed she was working the bar room.

You sat down and sighed. “We should check it out.”

Bucky dug into his jacket pocket and tossed you a comms unit. You caught it, shoved it in your ear and slipped out of your heels. Bucky grabbed the steak knife from the empty table across from you.

You both slipped into the crowd.

“Friday?”

“Yes, Agent S?” She answered. “How can I help you?”

“Patch me through to Tony.”

“Certainly.”

“Giggles, what’s up? Shouldn’t you be at dinner with the tin-man?”

“Tony, how fast can you get downtown?”

There was a beat a silence. “Car or helicopter?”

You glanced at Bucky who grabbed another knife out of a pile of dirty dishes.

“In the suit.”

Tony hummed. “Ten minutes.”

Bucky shook his head and lifted up a hand. Five guys.

“Can you make it less?”

Suddenly, a gunshot erupted from the backroom and the entire restaurant stared screaming.

“Everybody shut up!” A voice boomed. “Line up by the windows before I shoot your brains out!”

Tony swore. “You two always manage to find something to get into. I’m already on my way.”

Bucky pointed to the bucket of dishes. “They all have guns. You’re going to need something.”

You scoffed. “I won’t hold up in close combat and unless I throw it at them – I won’t be much use.”

“Alright, I’ll take care of them. Just stay here and wait for Tony, I’m going to-” he cut himself off as you ripped your dress at the hem to allow you to move freely. You pulled a small gun from your hidden thigh holster and a taser from your clutch.

“Were you wearing that all night?” Bucky asked. “Wait, is that a Smith and Wesson?”

You smiled serenely. “You were saying something about sitting and waiting?” You cocked your gun.

Bucky’s eyes darkened. “Jesus Christ, you’re going to kill me.” His eyes lowered to the split in your dress.

With a wink, you gave him a quick kiss before disappearing around the corner towards the two gunmen in the bar room.

“On my count of three,” Bucky said, “one-”

You kicked the door down, pulled the trigger four times and ducked before any opposing bullets could hit you. After a moment, when all you heard was groaning, you stood. With a smirk, you knocked them out with the butt of your gun and dragged them towards a pole. “Oh, it’s not going to kill you. Unlike you, I actually know how to aim,” you said to the last gunman.

“I’m Special Agent S everyone, don’t worry, we’re working on getting all of you out of here,” you said to the room.

Bucky grunted into your comms. “A little help?”

“Do you want me to clean everything up and you can go and wait for Tony outside?” You asked, picking up their guns and jogging to the dining room.

Just as you rounded the corner, Bucky was tossed aside and landed with a groan by your feet. You dropped the gun at him and he growled. “I’m not going to hear the end of that one, am I?”

You cocked your newly acquired shot gun and aimed.

“Nope.”

“The White Wolf, formally known as the Winter Soldier, was dining at the restaurant with his longtime girlfriend, both of whom managed to apprehend the gunmen and secure the area. Iron Man arrived shortly after and assisted with the evacuation. As always, we have New York’s finest watching over our city. I’m Amanda Wilkins reporting for-”

“Turn that off, please,” Bucky said from the bed, Nicole scolded him for moving.

“I have a needle in your arm, Sergeant Barnes, please try not to move,” she said tersely. “You two seem to have a knack for finding trouble.”

“We’re definitely staying in for our anniversary,” you told Bucky as the other medic wrapped your ribs for you.

“I’ll need to administer a few shots for your shoulder Agent S,” she said, “this’ll hurt.”

“She’s a tough cookie, she’ll barely blink,” a voice said from the doorway.

“Pepper,” you said reaching out for her. She smiled and wrapped her arms around you.

“Oh sweetheart.” She pushed your hair back from your forehead and frowned. “You’ll have a black eye tomorrow.”

“You should see the other guy,” you joked.

“You two might actually be cursed,” Tony said, walking into the room and heading straight for your x-rays. “Your ribs are shot to shit. I don’t know how they haven’t broken yet.”

“Sergeant Barnes’ left knee seemed to have been broken but it’s mostly healed as of now,” Nicole said, pointing to Bucky’s MRI results.

Tony picked them up and frowned.

“I feel fine,” Bucky insisted.

“Yeah, you don’t look it,” Tony said and Bucky quieted.

Before you could try to diffuse the ever-present tension between them, someone else appeared by the door.

“I knew they could handle it,” Natasha said with a smirk. “There was no way five idiots with guns were taking these two down.”

At that, Bucky snorted. “Especially when this one pulls a gun out from under her dress.”

Tony turned to you, brow raised and you shrugged.

“I gave her that.” Natasha grinned. “You have to be ready for anything.”

“That doesn’t sound paranoid,” Tony muttered.

“Tony,” Pepper frowned.

“Paranoia saves lives,” Natasha snapped back.

You smiled tiredly. “Alright kids, play nice.”

Natasha grinned and pointed at Tony, who lifted his hands.

“Anyway, I just passed by to make sure you two are okay.” She kissed your forehead and squeezed Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m flying out in a few. The compound needs me and then I need to close up my assignment in Singapore.”

“You’re leaving?” You frowned and sighed. “Merry Christmas then.”

“Oh, no,” she said with a pointed look in Bucky’s direction. “I’ll be back for Christmas. I’ll make sure of it.”

You furrowed your brows and turned to look at Bucky. He was glaring at the ceiling, Nicole still taking blood.

“Alright then, that’s good, hope it goes well. Tell Agent Choi I said hi,” you smiled.

She nodded and waved, disappearing down the hall.

“Oh shit.” You straightened suddenly and groaned when your ribs pulled. “The deadline is next week.”

“What deadline?” Tony scrolled through your health chart. “I sent out all the reports we had and the holograms are set for the presentation in L.A. and in London- fuck, the clean energy bill.”

You tapped your nose and Tony scrubbed his face.

“Why did we accept their proposal-” Tony said, “-a week before Christmas?”

“Because we’re the only name in clean energy right now,” you mimicked him, “and this would help millions of people.”

Tony glared at you. “And my Director manages to get herself beat up.”

“It was supposed to be an intel mission and a date! How was I supposed to know they were both going to go to shit,” you exclaimed. “Besides, I’m barely injured – I can sit at a desk and work on it. Bruce’ll help me.”

“I can get it started tonight,” Tony argued back, “you should be resting.”

“Don’t patronize me,” you said, “it’s my project.”

“I’m not-”

Pepper sighed and both quieted, chastised.

“How about, you,” she pointed to you, “go to bed and wake up early tomorrow to start and you,” she pointed to Tony, “will start whatever it is you need to start tonight and let her do whatever she needs to tomorrow.”

Tony frowned and you nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“Great,” Pepper clapped. “Let’s get you two down to bed, James?”

Bucky sat up and Nicole nodded. “Ice that,” she pointed to his knee.

“Friday, would you please bring the elevator up?”

“Certainly Mrs. Stark.”

Your day had started as the five before them had – by jerking awake at Friday’s insistence.

“Thank you for the wake-up call Fri,” you said sleepily, rubbing one of your eyes.

“You’re welcome,” she said, “I’ve turned on the coffee pot in your office. Mr. Stark retired to his room forty-five minutes ago.”

“You’re amazing, you know that?” You mumbled, trying to gather the energy to stand.

“Yes, I did,” she said, matter of fact.

Squinting, you tried to find a clock to tell you the time.

“It’s five forty-five eastern standard time,” she said chirpily – too happily for being the crack of dawn. “You’ve been asleep for fifty-four minutes.”

“Right,” you shivered as you pulled back the quilt from your exhausted body. You only had to get through today, that had become your mantra. You just had to get through today.

By some Christmas Miracle, you and Tony had managed to get a full two days ahead of the deadline. You both, however, had taken to working in shifts. You worked for twelve hours straight while he slept then you switched.

After you wrapped everything up tonight, you’d finally – finally – be able to sleep for longer than thirty-minute intervals.

It was just as well, since you had both started descending into the hysteria part of sleep deprivation. Pepper had come in to retrieve Tony last night and found you both in fits of laughter over a knocked over vial.

“Doll, you gotta get up,” Bucky said, voice muffled by his pillow.

You hadn’t realized that you’d flopped over, already half way to blissful unconsciousness.

“Please, five minutes, mercy,” you grumbled.

After what felt like a millisecond, Bucky’s arm was shaking you.

“Please,” you whined.

“You made me swear on our unborn child that I wouldn’t let you sleep passed six,” he said, lifting his head to squint at you.

At that, you sat up. “Unborn child?”

Bucky snorted and you frowned. “Yeah, you also told me that maybe we’d have a cyborg and you’d give it a green prosthetic with glitter. Apparently, the dancing jello cups were going to eat you if you didn’t give him a prosthetic.”

“Are you making that up?” You shot him a look, finger combing your wild hair into submission.

“I really wish I was.”

You groaned. “Alright, I’m off, see you later?”

“Remember, we have dinner plans.”

Nodding, you reached blindly for your phone and tablet. “Yes, yes, date night attempt number three.”

“Tony said we could take the jet if we needed to,” Bucky mumbled, head already burying into the pile of blankets.

You smiled. Both of you had tried to have a redo from your initial date but somehow ended up stuck behind a major five car pileup on the Brooklyn Bridge. You’d missed your reservations and Bucky ended up needing stitches.

The smell of fresh coffee reached you the moment you stepped off the elevator. “Friday, have I ever mentioned how much I love you?”

“Over the last few days? Multiple times.”

You grinned and poured yourself a mug. Without adding anything, you gulped it down black. The bitter taste, at this point, didn’t faze you. You’d be willing to hook yourself up to a caffeine drip if that’s what it took.

Settling down at your desk, you rubbed your eyes and straightened.

You could do this dammit, you were in the home stretch! With a deep inhale, you jumped back into the chaos.

“Oh my God,” you muttered, blinking at your laptop.

“What?” Tony asked from his stool, where he’d been sitting for the last few minutes. He picked his head up. “I triple checked the equations, there cannot be an error.”

“No,” you said, hands shaking, “we’re done.”

“What?” He straightened, his hair wild and eyes wilder. “Don’t tease me like this Giggles, you don’t want to see a grown man cry.”

You laughed, your voice a little hysterical. Tony joined you and within moments you were both clutching your stomachs, laughing -

- which was exactly how Bucky and Sam found you, five minutes later, with both of you on the floor crying.

“Oh damn,” Sam said, “they’ve finally cracked.”

Tony laughed louder, waving a hand in the air feebly, and shaking his head. “I’m going to piss myself, stop, stop.”

“If I didn’t know you both any better, I’d say you were drunk,” Sam said.

“I feel drunk,” you admitted. You pushed yourself up into your chair and, through your giggles, you backed up your final report before closing everything down.

“Friday?”

“Yes, Miss?”

“Please send the final copy to the foundation, let them know we’ll be available for follow up questions after the New Year,” you said.

“Of course.”

“You guys are done?” Sam asked, setting his chin on his hand. “Finally? Damn, good job you two.”

Tony looked at you from across the lab and smiled softly. You smiled back and nodded.

“Yeah, we’re finally done,” you said.

There was a beat of silence and you promptly burst into tears.

Bucky moved the quickest, his arms closing in around you within seconds and you covered your face.

“Sorry, sorry, it’s a stress reaction,” you laughed lightly, wiping your eyes. “I haven’t slept in over fifty hours and I’m hitting my limit.”

Tony nodded, his eyes tired and happy all at once. “I’m too old for this shit.”

You tapped your nose, agreeing, and let Bucky take some of your weight.

“Alright,” Bucky said, leading you towards the elevators. “Wilson?”

“I got Stark, you two kids have fun.” Sam waved you both off.

“Sam, I’ll give you a thousand dollars if you carry me,” you heard Tony say.

“Sold. Hop on old man.”

You snorted and Bucky shook his head.

“Look!” You pointed to the window, almost pressing your face against it.

“What?” Bucky placed a steadying hand against your back.

“The sun, it’s setting,” you whispered. “I haven’t seen it in years.”

Bucky laughed, surprised, and gently pulled you in the direction of your apartment. “Come on, it’s time for you to take a nap.”

“A nap?” You perked up.

He nodded, his eyes lighting up with mirth. “Come on doll,” he said as he stripped you of your clothes and you stumbled into your bed.

“Oh my God,” you groaned, “I’m so sorry I ever left you.”

“Are you talking to the bed?”

You nodded, rubbing your face into your pillow. “Yes, I’m never leaving her again.”

Bucky huffed a laugh and you opened one eye. He was standing over you, eyes soft and expression warm. You reached your arms out and he let you drag him into bed next to you.

“I always sleep better when you’re here,” you told him, “stay?”

Looking up at him, his eyes trailed over your face. The small, sane, part of your mind knew you’d seen better days. The exhausted, sleep deprived, part of you just didn’t have the energy to care.

“Please?”

“Of course,” he said, guiding your head to his chest. His arm wrapped around you, while his hand found yours and intertwined your fingers.

“Friday?” You said, already mostly asleep. “Wake us up in a few hours.”

“Yes Miss.”

It would usually take a hurricane, a tsunami, and a tornado to wake you up from deep sleep. So, when you opened your eyes, disoriented and alone, you weren’t sure what had woken you up. With a glance around the room, you sniffed the air.

Burgers.

Clearly, your stomach wasn’t waiting for any natural disaster. Summoning all the energy in your body, you heaved yourself up.

Feeling a million times better, you stretched your limbs, feeling more alert and - honestly – a little hungover.

You padded out of the bedroom and into your kitchen. Bucky was wearing a worn white shirt and a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips.

“You always say I’m creepy when I watch you,” Bucky said, glancing over his shoulder.

Walking over to him, you wrapped your arms around his stomach. “You are,” you said with a sleepy smile.

Bucky laughed and your smile widened. “What’re you doing?” You asked.

“I’m making you your favorite.”

You peeked around his shoulder. “Cheeseburgers?” Your stomach grumbled.

He nodded. “Once you were out, I went to the store and got us something to eat-”

“Shit.” You dropped your head onto Bucky’s back. “Our reservations.”

Bucky turned around in your arms and smiled down at you. “Doll, I knew our chances of getting out to Brooklyn were low. You’re exhausted - you should still be sleeping.”

“No, no.” You took a few steps back. “I’m fine, I feel so much better after that nap. Should I get change? Can I help with anything? You shouldn’t agitate your ribs either – I haven’t taken a good look at those stitches.”

“You look perfect, everything is already done,” he said kissing your temple and you swatted at him, “and I’m fine now.”

“You’re obligated to say that, you’re my boyfriend,” you said and he scrunched his face. You threw your hand up. “Sorry, sorry, I forgot how much you hate that word. My partner.”

“That one doesn’t sound right either,” he said, taking two glasses to the table and you followed, dropping into your regular chair.

“What about my poopsie?” You heard his laugh from the kitchen and couldn’t help but smile. “My munchkin? My sweetheart? My sweet pea!” You giggled, still just a little delirious. Bucky walked back to you, both plates filled with food.

“Please don’t call me your sweet pea,” he said with a frown.

You ran your fingers across the wrinkles on his forehead, smoothing them out. “My better half?” You said quietly, kissing his jaw as he leaned down to place the plate in front of you.

He gave you a look that warmed you to the core and you grinned. Bucky brought your face to his and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. You smiled and he trailed kisses towards your neck.

“I think it’s the other way around,” he whispered against your cheek, pressing another kiss there.

You sighed happily. “I’m always right, remember?”

He chuckled into your collarbone and you grinned. “I faintly remember you telling me that a few times.”

Your stomach grumbled and he laughed again.

“Alright, I hear you,” he said and you smiled sheepishly.

“I may have missed lunch and breakfast,” you picked up a fry, “thank you for doing this, it’s been a rough week.”

“It’s nothing,” he said, watching you eat.

You smiled as you chewed on a fry. “Muffin? Babycakes? Snookums?”

“No, no, and hell no,” Bucky said, laughing, and shook his head.

You huffed. “Well, you’re going to have to stick with partner because next week it’ll be like, what? Five years – holy shit, it’s been five years?”

Bucky nodded. “Five years in three days, on Christmas Eve.”

You buried your feet under his thigh and nudged him. “It’s been a long time, snookums.”

“Not long enough.” He reached out to squeeze your calf. “Not even close.”

You smiled. “Well, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. Especially if you keep cooking like this because this was amazing.”

“You’re biased,” he laughed.

“How dare you,” you pointed a fry at him. “I would never lie.”

Bucky snorted and you pinched his forearm in retaliation.

“Can I say, these past few weeks have been a pain in my ass?” You said, exhausted. “I feel like we’re swimming in the ocean and the current keeps trying to drag us under.”

Bucky took your hand, pressed a kiss to your knuckles, and you looked up at him. “Well, we’ve been staying afloat.”

You smiled softly at him. “We have.”

“We can take turns,” Bucky said quietly, “I’ll swim when you get tired.”

“That’s a good plan,” you told him.

He nodded knowingly. “We always have good plans.”

“Well, if I’m going to be dragged, tossed around, and pummeled by waves – there’s no one else I’d rather have at my side,” you said, rising to give him a kiss. “Thank you for floating with me.”

Before you could sit back down, Bucky tugged you into his lap. You laughed as you stumbled.

“Hey, hey, no funny business. My snookums cooked me dinner and you best believe I’m finishing it,” you said, squealing when he pinched your side.

“Smartass,” he muttered.

“Your smartass,” you corrected him with a wink.

After the mind-blowing burgers, you both migrated towards the sectional. You laid your head in Bucky’s lap while he searched for a movie to watch. Your eyes were slowly closing, drowsy from the food and Bucky’s warm fingers in your hair weren’t helping. 

You huffed and turned onto your side towards his stomach. He laughed quietly and you smiled.

“Thank you for tonight - it was just what I needed. You’re the best partner ever,” you said.

Bucky hmphed and you opened one eye to look at him.

“Hey, we went over this, you picked partner.” You poked his stomach.

“I didn’t pick anything,” he said, squirming. “You assigned it to me.”

“Because I’m in charge and you wouldn’t pick anything.” You closed your eye and wrapped an arm around his torso. “You should know this by now.”

You could feel him shaking from his laughter and you smiled into his skin.

“Friday, please turn the lights down,” you said. The lights dimmed and you settled into a more comfortable position. Bucky’s hand returned to your hair and after a few minutes you started to drift.

“Hey,” his soft voice kept you from falling asleep.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you a question?” He whispered.

“Buck, if you ask me to call you my fella, I will actually break up with you.”

He snorted. “It’s not that.”

“Then yes, ask away.”

When he didn’t speak for a few moments, you opened your eyes and lifted your head. He was biting his bottom lip, a nervous expression flittering across his face.

“Buck? What’s wrong?” You said, sitting up and facing him.

He smiled and stood up. He turned to you and offered out his hand. “Will you dance with me?”

“Is that what you’re nervous about?” You asked, eyeing him suspiciously. You groaned. “I’m tired.”

“Please?” He took your hand and hauled you to your feet.

You protested feebly.

“There’s no music and it’s late,” you complained but settled your cheek against his chest anyway. “Have mercy on me.”

“Friday?” He called out, ignoring your protests.

“Yes Sergeant Barnes?” 

“Please play my most recent playlist.”

“Of course.”

Without picking your head up, you looked up at him. “Did you make a new playlist? I did too, I wanted to start up again on the seventies. I think Steve’s going to get a kick out of it.”

He smiled down at you. “I did some research myself. Wanda helped me.”

You groaned. “If you made me get up to dance to techno or house music, I’m not sleeping with you for a very long time.”

He laughed.

I found a love for me
Darling just dive right in
And follow my lead

You perked up. “I love this song, I knew you liked Ed Sheeren.”

“Wanda said he was the peak of contemporary music,” he said. “This song is a little old though.”

“She would,” you snorted. “I haven’t been allowed to work out to anything but his last album for weeks now.”

Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets

You could feel him humming as you swayed around the room. You smiled and started humming along to the melody with him.

 “This song reminds me of you,” he said quietly. “Shouldn’t we have a song?”

“I thought we did?” You said, eyes closing. “We listen to a lot of music together.”

“What about this one?”

You smiled. “I like it.”

He leaned his forehead against yours. “A lot of songs remind me of you.”

“Well, we can have more than just one,” you said agreeably.

Fighting against all odds
I know we'll be alright this time

Suddenly, he stopped dancing and you stepped back.

“What?” You asked. His expression had gone blank, a habit he had when he was thinking through too many things.

“I forgot something, I’ll be right back.” He jogged through the kitchen door and you frowned.

“If you made me get up to dance and leave me here after just one song, I’m really going to punch you James Buchanan Barnes!”

His laughter drifted over to you from his office and you smiled.

You stepped to the nearest window, looking at the busy avenue below and the handful of people walking down it. You loved people watching. When you were younger, your mother, Tony, and you would sit on the roof and make up stories about everyone you’d see in the office building across from it.

Suddenly, your sixth sense prickled. You felt a pair of eyes on you but you hadn’t heard Bucky’s footsteps. You whirled around and found him staring at you with a small nervous smile.

“Bucky, you scared me. I didn’t hear…” you furrowed your eyebrows. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Come sit,” he asked and you sat next to him on the loveseat.

He fiddled with a small, red sketchbook.

“Is this new?” You asked.

Bucky nodded. “I made it for you. I got you for Secret Santa.”

“Ah, you’re not supposed to tell me!” You said, laughing. You loved it when he sketched things out for you – you saved every one of them in your journals.

As he handed it over, you realized his hand was shaking. “Buck?”

“Open it,” he said quietly.

You frowned but nodded. Flipping open the cover, you smiled when you saw the first sketch. Bucky had drawn you working on his arm. You recognized the scene – it was a few years ago, before you were more than friends. Bucky had snapped something in his elbow and he didn’t trust Bruce or Tony enough to fix it. You had offered and it was one of the first times you were really alone with him.

Below the image, a familiar poem was scrawled in his neat penmanship.

“My wounds don’t feel like wounds in your hands. They feel like beginnings, like a chance to make things right again.”₁.

A rush of emotions whirled through you and you smiled shakily at him. He smiled and nodded towards the book. “Keep going.”

The entire book was filled with poetry and sketches of you.

Some made you tear up while others made you laugh.

Like the one you’d found of you on your bed, eyes hooded and expression mischievous. Your bra strap was falling off your shoulder and your hands were reaching out.

“I really, really, really, love that thing you do with your hands when you’re excited to see me.”

You kept flipping through it, reading all the captions at the bottom.

The last page seemed to be the only drawing that had been colored in. You had one hand around your stomach, the other was on your chest, and you were mid-laugh. The sun was a brilliant orange behind you, filling up most of the page. There, at the bottom, it said:

“She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and it took only her laugh to realize that beauty was the least of her.”₂

You laughed wetly, tears finally falling, and looked up at him. Bucky smiled, completely unabashed, and gently took the sketchbook from your hands.

“I thought about what you said during Steve’s birthday,” he said quietly, “about how poetry was what people used when they didn’t have the right words.”

Before you ask anything, he inhaled deeply and settled onto one knee.

Everything came rushing back to you and you remembered the ring. You gasped so hard you hiccupped.

“Bucky?”

After your anniversary dinner, the gala, Mexico, Steve’s birthday - it was happening. On this ordinary night with burger grease on your shirt, exhaustion in your bones, and Ed Sheeren in the background.

He put the sketchbook down to the side and inhaled. “I’m not - I’m not good with words, so I thought - this would-” he exhaled deeply and you watched him, trying to stop your wave of emotions. 

“I can’t begin to explain just how thankful I am that you came into my life. I was scared of you, of the idea of us, that at the beginning I made a lot of mistakes - but you never judged me. You never once looked at me any different than that first day in Germany,” he exhaled shakily, his eyes on his own hands. “You’re my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without you. I would be honored if you’d even think about spending the rest of your life with me.”

You stood up, not knowing what to do with yourself. You tried to force your tears to stop but it wasn’t working. His gaze turned to you; his blue twinkling.

“I love you, God, do I love you. I love you more than you love New York-”

You laughed, your chest bubbling with excitement.

“- I love you more than Steve loves pie,” he grinned, encouraged by your laughter.

You sniffled, your vision blurry.

“I love you more than Icarus loved the sun,” he said quietly.

With one last deep breath, Bucky opened his palm, the ring right in the center.

“Will you marry me?”

Since the moment you found the ring on the jet, you’d pictured this moment. You knew you’d be happy; you knew he’d try to get everything just right - because you knew him. All the waiting had to eventually lead somewhere – to the perfect moment and here it was.

So of course, you let out the most unattractive sob and nodded.

“Yes,” you said between heaves. You dropped down to your own knees and shakily held out a hand. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

Bucky grinned, his eyes shining. He steadied your hand with his and slid the ring onto your finger. Once it was in place, you lifted your hand to look at it. It’d been a long time since you saw it last, but it was no less stunning.

“Oh, James,” your voice caught, “it’s beautiful.”

“It was my sister’s, Rebecca’s,” he said quietly. “I think she’d want you to have it.”

All of the emotions that you were capable of having at this moment rolled through you like waves crashing into the shore. You couldn’t help but laugh – you might be going into shock.

Finally.

“I love you-” you launched yourself at him, “-I love you, I love you, I love you.”

You peppered his face with kisses until you both lost your balance and you toppled on top of him. You straddled his waist, mindful of his ribs, and grinned.

“We’re getting married,” you whispered.

He smiled his little I-can’t-believe-I-get-to-have-this-smile and you melted. “We’re getting married,” he said, pulling you down to him.

You laughed and your chest felt like it would burst into fireworks. It wasn’t possible, the human body wasn’t built to withstand this much happiness.

He pressed his lips to yours and a hunger grew in you. You needed him, in every way possible and right this moment. He sat up, hands on your hips, and settled you in his lap. You pushed his shirt over his head impatiently and he grinned, hair sticking up wildly.

“I thought you weren’t going to sleep with me for the unforeseeable future?” He teased, his quick hands pushing your pants down. You ripped them off and pulled on his.

“That was James, my boyfriend. However, James my fiancé – yeah, he’s getting laid. Right now. Repeatedly. Probably until tomorrow afternoon.” Your ring sparkled and you got distracted for a moment. “No, clear your schedule - I’m going to blow your fucking mind and maybe other things.”

His surprised laugh shook you both. The sound made its way into your chest and settled under your heart.

“I like that one,” he whispered against your skin. “Fiancé.”

“Yeah?” You said softly, your heart expanding until it felt too big for your body.

Bucky looked up at you, his eyes filled with love. “Yeah, say it again.”

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes you're holding mine

The next day, you stumbled upstairs into the common room and the team’s kitchen in search for ingredients. You’d only just managed to peel yourself away from Bucky and you needed eggs to make some pancakes.

It was early enough that you knew you weren’t likely to bump into anyone. Most of the team was set to arrive this afternoon and the rest were due tomorrow, on Christmas Eve.

As predicted, the kitchen was empty. Not bothering to turn on the light, you padded over to the refrigerator. You quickly gathered the items you needed and you carefully shut the door.

“Holy shit,” a startled voice exclaimed.

You jumped, surprised, and almost dropped the five eggs cradled in your elbow.

“Jesus fu- Sam! What the hell!” You put everything down on the kitchen island and Sam blinked wearily at you.

“Who sneaks into the kitchen and doesn’t turn on the light?”

“I wasn’t sneaking,” you said, exasperated, trying to slow down your heart.

Zola, his fiancé, walked in hurriedly. “I heard shouting,” she said.

Wanda and Vision arrived next, both yawning. “Good morning,” they mumbled, oblivious to Sam’s rapid breathing.

“This one over here gave me a heart attack,” Sam said, still clutching his chest.

“What happened?” Wanda asked, hopping onto the counter.

“She was sneaking around and popped out from behind the fridge with the intent to end my life,” he said.

“I wasn’t sneaking!” You cried.

“Jeez, there’s a lot of you in here at nine in the morning,” Tony said, walking in and going directly for the coffee. “What’s with all the yelling?”

“What are you doing here?” You asked, tone sharp.

Tony raised an eyebrow. “I own the building,” he huffed.

You rolled your eyes and Wanda snorted.

“In the kitchen,” you clarified.

“I own that too,” he said.

Sam laughed and shook his head. “It’s like having two of you, really.” He stuck up his hands and retreated backwards at the sight of your glare.

“I’m out of coffee,” Tony said, picking up a k-cup. “I’m surprised the entire building isn’t out. It’s all we drank the last few days.”

“Tony, we’re out of honey. I think Wanda keeps some in the- oh, everyone’s here!” Pepper said, bright smile on her face. Only Pepper would be happy and genuinely excited to see everyone this early in the morning.

Wanda pointed to the cabinet on the far right. “I keep it in there,” she said.

“Thanks! Oh, Zola, it’s been so long! How are you-”

The kitchen, which normally felt spacious and ample, was starting to feel a little tight with everyone bumping into each other.

You started picking everything up again and pointed to the elevators. “Right, this has been fun, I’m going to go-”

“Look who I found in the lobby,” Steve’s voice announced.

Bruce strode in afterwards, deep in conversation with Rhodey.

“Rhodey!” Tony shouted, somewhere behind Pepper and Vision.

“Merry Christmas everybody,” Rhodey said, wide grin on his face. “Whoa, I can see that everyone had the same idea – arriving early.”

You smiled and couldn’t help but elbow everyone out of the way. Rhodey smiled and you threw your arms around his neck.

“It’s been too long,” you told him. “I haven’t seen you since Steve’s birthday!”

“Kiddo,” Rhodey said and squeezed your shoulders. “I heard you got into some trouble, no doubt that Stark trait of yours.”

“Hey!” Tony said.

“Doll?” Bucky’s voice called out and you turned around just in time to catch his surprised expression. “You were taking a long time, I thought I’d come check up on you.”

“Bucky!” Zola said with a grin. Bucky leaned over you to smile at Zola.

“What’s up?” Rhodey smacked Bucky on the back.

“Oh, wait, now that we’re all in one place,” Pepper said loudly, “I wanted to ask what everyone’s thoughts were on the Christmas dinner…”

Everyone started talking at once, voices overlapping.

Feeling overwhelmed, your eyes landed on Bucky. He was leaning against the doorframe, a small smile on his face. You rolled your eyes and motioned to the elevators. He nodded and you’d taken your first few steps when Wanda screeched.

“What’s that?” She asked, her voice louder than everyone else’s. Her finger pointed towards your hand, still clutching an egg.

The conversations around you died down as every head in the kitchen snapped towards you – or more specifically, towards your left hand. Self-conscious, you hid it behind your back.

“Is that – that can’t be – don’t play with my emotions like this,” Sam said, his eyes wide.

Steve straightened, his eyes darting to Bucky – whose ears and neck turned pink. You turned to look at Tony, whose expression was impassive.

“Kiddo?” Rhodey asked, stepping forward.

You glanced at Bucky, who shrugged, and you huffed a laugh. Of course – you’d waited a year and a half to get the ring and you didn’t even get to keep it to yourself for longer than twelve hours.  

“I’m getting married?” You said with a shrug.

Pepper and Wanda immediately started crying.

“Oh honey,” Pepper said, suffocating you in a hug, “I’m so happy for you.”

“Pep, I think you’re choking her,” Rhodey chuckled.

Pepper let you go and you took a gulp of air. “I’m sorry, I’m just-” she teared up again.

Wanda tugged you into her arms and you smiled at her soft embrace.

“Maco,” she said happily. “I knew it, I knew it!”

“I gotta call Romanoff!” Sam tapped quickly on his phone.

“Congratulations!” Zola said earnestly, her smile wide and genuine.

Natasha’s voice came through a speakerphone a moment later. “Barnes! I’m going to kick your ass! You just had to propose when I wasn’t there? You had the whole year and you pick now? I’m still six hours out! What happened to the Christmas proposal?”

You huffed. Of course she knew, everyone probably knew at this rate.

Steve slapped Bucky in the back with a stupid grin and he smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, Natasha. It just happened.”

“Yeah, you better be! Wanda! Send me photos of the ring. We’re throwing another party when I get back!”

Everyone started speaking over each other excitedly.

“We need a liquor run!” Sam said loudly, already dragging Vision and Zola towards the wine cellar.

“It’s nine in the morning!” Your protest fell on deaf ears.

“We need music!” Rhodey said. “And a toast, we should order food or -”

“Yes,” Pepper said, “I can have the chefs downstairs whip something up!”

Pepper and Rhodey talked animatedly, writing down a list.

Tony slid over to where you stood by the door.

“Well this is a surprise,” he said slowly. “I never thought you were interested in marriage.”

“I wasn’t – I’m not really - but it’s something about being married to him. He’s it for me, you know?” You watched as Bucky flushed at whatever Steve said. “I’d give him the moon if he asked for it.”

You saw Tony eyes dart towards Pepper, who was still crying, and you smiled.

He turned back to you and huffed. “Yeah, I do. I was there for that fight remember?”

“But because your love for me is never ending, you understood the power of two people in love,” you nudged him with a wide smile.

“Jesus,” he rolled his eyes. “It’s been less than twenty-four hours and you’re already this corny - that ring changed you.”

You looked down at the ring on your hand, your stomach flipping. “It changed you too,” you said.

At that, he smiled. “Yeah, it did.”

You both settled, watching your family flutter around excitedly. You caught Bucky’s eyes and smiled at his soft look.

“Besides,” you leaned onto Tony’s side, “I know he asked you for your permission.”

Tony stiffened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 “I’m not mad,” you said lightly, “I know he didn’t do it in the traditional sense, since I’m not a goat you’re selling.”

“Honestly, Giggles-”

“-he wouldn’t have asked me if you weren’t comfortable with it,” you said quietly – and it was true. It was something you’d known with certainty since the moment you stumbled across the ring.

Tony may not be Bucky’s favorite person, but he respected Tony’s importance in your life.

“It weighs on him, it always will – but, thank you for giving him this. I know it means a lot to him to have even just a little approval from you.” Turning to him, you smiled. “Seriously, thank you.”

Tony picked at invisible lint on his shirt and shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, well, he makes you happy. I’m not his biggest fan but it’s been a long couple of years and while I don’t think forgiving is a word typically used with me-”

You snorted and he elbowed you.

“-it’s not a gaping wound anymore. Besides, I don’t know what it is with you two but, I’ve only ever wanted you to be safe and happy. He clearly does that and it’s obvious he thinks the world starts and ends with you. I think – are you crying?”

“No!” You said, hiding your face. “Damn it, I put this thing in on and it’s like a faucet I can’t turn off.”

Tony pulled you into a hug and laughed as he kissed the top of your head.

“Congrats kid.”

“Thanks.”

You glanced down at your hand. The emeralds gleamed under the lights and you grinned.

You were getting married.

“There you are,” you said, closing the balcony doors behind you. “Thanks for abandoning me, what happened to for better or for worse?”

Bucky smiled, tilting his head up at you. “I needed a break after Sam started making an argument for performing a song at the wedding.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, he gave me that speech too.” Plopping down next to him, you wrapped him in the blanket you’d taken from inside.

“How are you not cold?” You asked, always surprised by how he was a walking furnace.

“You’re here,” he said with a smile and you wrinkled your nose.

“Boo,” you jeered. “Take him out ref!”

Bucky laughed, his hand coming up to his chest and you smiled.

“Zola keeps saying we could go dress shopping together,” you said, “she was asking what type of dress I wanted – I didn’t even know half the fabrics she was listing. How is it that I’m already overwhelmed and we haven’t even started planning anything?”

Bucky smiled and pressed a kiss to your temple. “You’d look good in anything.”

You huffed. “Easy for you to say, all you need is a suit.”

“You could wear a suit too,” Bucky said pensively, “I wouldn’t mind.”

Groaning, you dropped your head to his shoulder. “What if we eloped? Vegas with Elvis.”

“Tony would have our heads. Besides, you’d break Pepper’s heart.” He shakes his head. “For the record, I’d marry you anywhere. Just tell me when.”

At that, you smiled.

“You know this is going to be a whole occasion, right? We could want it to be as simple as much as we want and they’ll just steamroll it all,” you said.

“Yeah, but they’re family,” he said simply.

You looked up at them through the windows, celebrating your engagement.

Sighing, you pressed your face into the side of his neck. “We should’ve stayed in our apartment for one more day.”

Bucky laughed. “It won’t be so bad.”

“You can’t toss me to the wolves, I can’t go through all this planning alone,” you said, suddenly desperate not to be alone with the unavoidable stress.

Bucky pushed back your hair and smiled tenderly at you. “We take shifts, remember? You swim then I swim.”

You brought your hand up to his cheek, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear and smiled. You thought back on everything you’d been through together and all the adventures that were still to come. You didn’t understand how the universe ever decided that you belonged together but, you would be eternally grateful that it had. It wasn’t always going to be this easy, but anything worth having never was.

You looked into his eyes - his happy, squinty, adorable eyes and nodded.

“You swim, I swim.”