Chapter Text
Dan barely made it home before one am. The house was quiet and unlit, and he made his way up the staircase by memory alone. He had told the maids not to wait up for him, not that he expected them to at this hour anyways. They were expecting a guest tomorrow, a Colonel Liguori had asked to meet with him. And Dan, being a very generous individual and also possibly a bit of a fan, had agreed to let him stay for a few days.
So maybe this wasn’t the best time to invite a homeless man into his house. But quite honestly Dan wasn’t thinking straight when he offered Phil lessons. There was just something about him that made Dan want to help.
It benefits Dan as well, he reminds himself. He’ll get to study a new dialect, one he hadn’t had the chance to explore before. And, if he were being entirely honest, teaching Phil a more proper form of English would be a bit of an ego boost. For all that Phil was funny and endearing and good company he was also quintessentially northern. His accent was a disaster, and it was no wonder he hadn’t been able to get a proper job when no one could bloody understand him.
There was no guarantee that Phil would even show up. He had seemed uncertain when Dan had offered and he figured that some level of skepticism was probably healthy when strange men asked you to come to their house.
Dan yawned as he shrugged off his coat and stumbled his way further into his house. The exhaustion was getting the better of him now that he no longer had someone to talk to, and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. He was planning on writing down some observations in his journal about Phil’s accent while it was still fresh in his mind, though he figured that could wait for the morning.
Besides, he thought as he collapsed into his bed, even if Phil decided not to take him up on his offer of lessons, there was no harm in going to see the man every once in a while. Talk to him and maybe buy a from him flower. Or buy a flower for him. Buy a flower from him for him. Dan let his thoughts drift by idly as he gave into the heaviness of his eyelids and the pull of sleep.
***
The next morning Dan woke up close to midday. His breakfast was slightly cold by then but he didn’t complain for fear of evoking Maria’s wrath. Maria was his head maid and while he was for all intents and purposes her boss, it often felt like it was the other way around. Dan probably should have expected it from a woman with five children, but Maria was very good at not putting up with Dan’s shit. More often than not Maria had to forcibly eject him from the house, due to his tendency to sit inside either to read or simply to wallow. Dan didn’t know what he would do without her.
Dan spent what was left of the morning puttering around his library; trying to find whatever materials he had on northern English dialects. He’d have to build that particular collection, he realized, carrying his meager findings to one of his many plush chairs. Maybe he could write some volumes himself, provided Philip actually took him up on his offer.
Speaking of offers, Dan glanced at the ornate clock; it was getting on time for the Colonel to show up. Putting the book he had been flipping through on the table with the others, Dan stood, stretching a little. He had to make himself all presentable or whatever for his guest.
The maids were putting together the second guest bedroom when Dan passed them on his way to his room. They had readied the room for Liguori while Dan had been out last night but this one was for Phil. Provided he actually showed up. There had been some raised eyebrows when Dan had told them that he might be expecting a random homeless man at the same time as the respected colonel. Though it had been taken mainly in stride (Maria said that she had always expected him to start collecting strays. She just thought they would be dogs rather than people.)
Most people wore shoes inside right? It’d been a while since Dan had guests over but usually people wore like house shoes or something right? Dan didn’t own house shoes because his floors were always clean anyways and it was more comfortable to just walk around in socks but internationally renowned linguists were supposed to have stuff like house shoes right?
Or were internationally renowned linguists not supposed to care? Should he have chosen a more casual outfit? Or maybe the Colonel expected him to be in something even more fancy. Dan didn’t own anything fancier than this except for party outfits and he didn’t think that’d be appropriate. This is why Dan didn’t have guests over very often.
Dan was just lacing up his second loafer when the doorbell rang. He tried desperately to calm his breathing as he made his way to the main staircase, straightening his sleeve cuffs despite them not being askew.
One of his maids- Eliza, if he remembered correctly- answered the door just as he reached the first landing. The man standing at the threshold was bundled up in a heavy blue traveling coat, collar pushed up against the wind. His hair was longer than what Dan had anticipated from a colonel, and it was windswept and tangled in front of his green eyes. He wasn’t hard on the eyes in any case, and Dan bit the inside of his cheek, keeping himself in check.
Hardly a religious man, Dan had long ago accepted his apparent attraction to men. It didn’t bother him any, not like it used to at least. But one could never be too cautious with these things, particularly around strangers.
“Colonel Liguori I assume?” Dan asked, descending the final set of stares.
“You assume correctly. Professor Howell?” the colonel nodded his thanks at Eliza as she took his coat, revealing the simple shirt and trousers underneath. Dan suddenly felt overdressed, but if the colonel was uncomfortable he didn’t show it.
“I trust your trip was pleasant?” Dan asks, leading Liguori into the sitting room.
“Not unpleasant per se. Just long,” he chuckled at himself and Dan relaxed a little. The colonel was far more easy-going than he had expected.
The two of them made friendly conversation as they were brought tea and coffee. Dan had been sure to stock up on coffee, despite being more of a chamomile man himself. He poured a generous amount of cream and sugar into his cup, while the colonel looked on amused, sipping his barely sweetened coffee.
They were in the midst of talking about German dialects when there was a nock on the door. PJ raised an eyebrow as Dan shot to his feet. There was only one person Dan was even remotely expecting and he didn’t want Phil’s first impression to be a maid answering the door for him.
Unfortunately, Maria was a fast walker, and Dan was only halfway out of his seat before he heard her call out “Daniel, your male prostitute is here!” Dan heard a choking sound behind him as PJ let out a startled laugh through his sip of coffee. Tragically he couldn’t relish in the moment as it was at his expense.
He rushed to the door, finding Phil standing awkwardly in the entryway. “Hi. I don’t expect you to have sex with me,” Dan stuttered out, flushed and fidgety. Phil cracked a smile, and Dan couldn’t help but smile back.
“T’as good. Y’aven even bought me dinner yet,” Dan tried to take that in stride, reminding himself that Phil had no way of knowing about his sexuality. This was just friendly banter and Dan could do that.
“Well now that we’ve established that my intentions are only of the purest virtue, would you like to come in? Feel free to leave your shoes at the door.” Dan notices Phil glance at the shined loafers Dan was still wearing, and he suddenly feels self-conscious. He considered taking of his own shoes, but he figured that might make the situation even more uncomfortable.
Dan led a barefoot Phil into the sitting room, where PJ had abandoned his now empty cup of coffee to inspect Dan’s various trinkets and knickknacks. He glanced up as the two men entered, raising an eyebrow as Phil shifted uncomfortably behind Dan.
“Sorry, I din’ know ya had company. It’s prolly best if I jus go.”
“Nonsense! Don’t let me scare you off. You can call me PJ. And what might your name be?”
“Nice ta meet ya PJ. Name’s Phil! You a friend o’ Dan’s ten? Or is e teachin ya’s well. You don’ sound like ya need no help. You’re very posh.”
“Actually PJ doesn’t have a natural London accent, although it isn’t noticeable at first” Dan piped in, “He’s really close but you can tell from the way he enunciates his “a”s. He’s probably from a small town a little south of London. But then started loosing his accent after joining the army. Which would of course explain… um you know what? Nevermind” Dan cut himself off before he could delve any deeper into his rant.
He glanced nervously at Phil, hoping that he didn’t think Dan was trying to be a dick. Luckily, Phil just smiled a little bit, “Wow, tha’s impressive mate. You some kinda psychic or sommat?” Dan forced out a little chuckle, trying to play off his sudden awkwardness.
“Hardly. Linguistics is my whole life. I’ve dedicated years to studying it, especially English dialects. I can pinpoint nearly the exact location of a person’s birth after just a few words.” Dan didn’t want to sound braggadocios, though he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to impress the two men standing in his living room. Not that he should have anything to prove to Phil, but Dan had a long history of craving validation from strangers, even homeless northern ones.
“You mentioned Daniel teaching you something?” PJ asked, and Dan was glad that at least someone here seemed to have his head straight (lol).
Phil glanced at Dan, seemingly unsure of how to explain it. Dan smiled in a way he hoped was reassuring before taking it as his queue to explain.
“Philip here is from a little town up north. He and I made a deal that I would teach him how to speak with a proper accent provided he stick around and let me study his natural dialect. I hope him sticking around won’t be too much of a hassle?” Dan didn’t really know what he would do if PJ was unhappy with the arrangement. On the one hand he had been looking forward to his visit for months, but on the other hand Dan was somehow even less inclined to turn Phil away than he was to bother PJ.
Luckily, the colonel quickly brushed aside Dan’s concerns. “No of course not! The more the merrier I say. It was a pleasure meeting the both of you, but I’d best get settled in. Shall we reconvene for supper?”
Dan agreed readily and PJ slipped quietly out of the library, leaving Dan and Phil to their slightly uncomfortable silence.
“Um, would you like some tea? Or coffee?” Dan asked, mainly to break the silence. Phil brightened at the suggestion of a warm beverage and Dan couldn’t help but smile a bit.
“Coffee souns great!” Dan nodded before turning to Eliza, who was cleaning up Dan’s own empty cup.
“Eliza love, would you mind getting Phil a cup of coffee?” Eliza nodded before turning to Phil.
“Cream or sugar?” her voice maintained a bit of a cockney lilt, softer from spending time around Dan though still prominent enough that it seemed to put Phil more at ease.
“Jus black is fine tank ya” Dan mocked gagging a little, making Phil roll his eyes as Eliza made her way back to the kitchen. “An I’m assumin you’s the kinda person who drowns is coffee wit ungodly amounts o cream an’ sugar?” Phil teased, as Dan gestured for the two of them to sit.
“Joke’s on you, I don’t even drink coffee.” Dan leaned back in his chair as Phil took the one PJ had left vacant.
“Sorry mate, I don’ think I can stay ere wif someone who don’ drink coffee. I’s jus not natural.” Phil smirked at him and Dan had to mentally slap himself because random northern men weren’t allowed to be this attractive.
“Well if you think you can get over it, I do already have a room prepared for you. It’s right next to the colonels so you two can make fun of my drink preferences whenever you want.” Dan really hoped that Phil was in fact planning on taking Dan up on his offer, otherwise he had just admitted he’d presumed Phil would want to stay with him, which Phil could perceive as arrogant and Dan really should stop talking sometimes.
Luckily for Dan’s fragile self-esteem, Phil seemed unbothered by it, and simply hummed in acknowledgement. “Well I guess I can put up wif it. Ya are payin’ me after all.”
Dan tried not to let his relief show, instead opting for teasing. “You know, that sounds like something a male prostitute would say.” Phil let out an indignant squeak and Dan couldn’t help but let out a barking laugh at the noise. He was definitely looking forward to having Phil around a while longer.