Chapter Text
« He's...I think he needs a little more assurance. There's something off, but I just can't quite tell. Damn this weakened link...I hate not being able to feel him quite as clear… »
Zak held out a hand for Leshya, the frustrated Ghost settling in it with a wordless sense of thanks. Avin was asleep, sat on the floor and leaning against Zak's leg. It didn't take a bond to know he was sleeping poorly, judging by the still tense face and occasional whimper. 'If only it were because a metal leg can't be the most comfortable of pillows,' Zak thought, his other hand returning to its job of gently carding through Avin's hair. Once more, he was struck with the uncertainty on whether or not he should wake him. On one hand, this was the first time he had seen the Warlock sleep in days. On the other...was it right to leave him to whatever nightmares were causing this fitful sleep? It was also the only reason he hadn't at least moved Avin to a more comfortable spot; Avin had always been a light sleeper, and that seems to have only gotten worse. Neither Ghosts nor Guardians were eager for the damage that could be caused by a couple of tired, combat fatigued people.
Leshya's optic remained fixed on his Guardian. He's always hated that there were things about Avin that he couldn't fix. Not that he'd fix them without permission, of course, but that was a moot point. There was never a cure for the sleepless nights. Nor a cure for the anxiety, which he worried would have long term effects, even if not completely evident in the present. He wishes he could fix Avin's reluctance to talk about anything that causes him distress; Avin's still never talked to anyone about what happened in the Vault of Glass. Right now, he wishes he could cure the hyper-vigilance, and make it so he didn't have to always guess what was here and real. Leshya came to rest more solidly in Zak's hand, metallic fingers curving slightly around his shell for support. 'It's unfair that we can't do anything to heal the mind...I wish I knew what to do about things I can't fix.'
" There's something bothering you too, isn't there? "
Leshya was touched by the concern in Zak's voice, but only shifted his shell in a shrug. « It's not a new concern, but there's nothing to be done about it. I promise. I won't go hiding important problems from you...Avi already does a good job cornering that market. »
There's no humor in either of their quiet, forced laughs. But neither of them expected there to be.
" Then tell me what I can do for him. "
Leshya looked away, uncertain. « I...I don't really know, to be honest. You know about as much as I do about what happened to him the past couple of years. I should have been there for him! » There was the impression of a breath, as Leshya reined in his frustration, keeping his voice low. « I can only make guesses, and I don't know if it's because he can't or won't tell me. For all his sensitivity, I think he keeps forgetting about the Light. That he can use it, at least. He used to always have his mental fingers on his bonds with us but now… »
" But now they're barely there. "
« Right… I make my own contact as frequently as I'm able, just to remind him that it's -- Wait. Maybe that's it. It would certainly lend some sense to some of those fears I keep picking up. And to why he reacted like he did when you found each other again. » Leshya left his perch in Zak's hand, floating down to check on Avin before moving to hover at Zak's shoulder. « I think he sometimes forgets you're here. »
Zak's confusion lasted for only a moment, mechanical hand stilled in it's motions. Forget? How could he forget? He's barely been more than a room away since they found each other again. If he were any closer, they'd have to be glued together. Which is when it hit him.
'All the Light can do is torment. As if my memories weren't enough. As if hearing his voice every damn night wasn't enough.'
A single, darker snippet of thought Zak had managed to glean through the wonder of seeing Avin in a new Light. It was easy to forget that Avin sometimes saw and heard things that weren't there.
" He spent two years thinking we were dead...of course he was tormented like that. I should have thought of that sooner. " His hand finally resumed it's gentle attentions, Zak now reluctant to break contact for even the slightest of moments. 'I left him behind...I should have never done that. I abandoned him…'
It was Leshya's voice that interrupted Zak's downward spiral of thought. « So what are we going to? »
" The same as you've been doing. Being there for him, and reminding him that he's real, that I'm real, whenever he needs it. We have to make sure he knows he's not alone anymore. "
Not alone.
It's a start.