Chapter Text
There was no time to process the new emotions that flooded through his systems. After Markus had opened his eyes and he deviated, Jericho was attacked. It was all his fault and he knew that. The humans had used him. They followed him to Jericho and began to attack innocent androids and for what? Wanting to be free and actually live a life that chose?
North was shot and Markus risked his life to save hers. He ran into the soldiers with reckless abandon and began to drag her towards the group. It was a split-second decision but Connor raised his pistol and began firing at the humans. He picked up the piece of metal Markus was just previously using to beat the soldiers with. He raised it to cover his chest and ducked down a little so they couldn't hit his head.
Markus was able to drag North over to Simon and Josh. Instead of jumping like he thought they would, they waited. They waited for him. That stirred something in him and his thirium pump felt like it skipped a cycle. He'd have to run a scan of himself to make sure nothing was damaged. Connor made quick work of the squad, only getting shot in the arm when a bullet managed to slip past the body he was using as a shield.
Jericho is going to blow, everyone leave now .
The message from Markus was relayed to everyone and Connor twisted on his heel. The opening in the side of the ship was the only way for him to escape now and he sprinted as fast as he could. Once he reached the group, they all jumped into the water. It was mere moments before the ship blew up and rocked the water violently.
The freezing water shocked his systems and he froze up from the sensation. A worried look from Josh made Connor give a weary smile and got him to swim over to the rest of them. They pulled him out and Connor couldn't help gripping his elbows and shaking from the cold. His teeth were chattering and the LED on the side of his head was spinning a constant yellow. All of these sensations were overloading him. Within a few minutes, he felt so many new emotions, fear that he would die and never see Hank or Sumo again, anger at the humans that had used him and slaughtered innocent people, guilt because if it wasn't for him the androids would still be alive and Jericho would never have been touched.
Most of all he felt confusion. He always had someone tell him what to do and it was all clear for him. Now, he was alone. There was no one telling him what job he had to do and no instructions for him to follow. All of the things he had done before came back to him. Turning in Carlos Ortiz's android and lying to Daniel on that rooftop. He was just a machine back then, following orders.
Markus spoke to the group and marched off with determination in his steps. The others followed him and Connor stood in his place for a moment. North glanced back at him and motioned with her hand to follow them. Connor nodded and numbly followed the four androids. He didn't deserve to be in their group, he had made so many of them suffer.
He wasn't sure when they'd arrived at the church. They filled the church and Connor took a little corner away from all of the others. Josh gave him a sad smile and Connor returned it the best he could. Turning to stare at the people filling the pews, he noticed that some had sustained injuries from the fighting and that caused the pit of guilt in his systems to grow larger.
All of the androids he had killed in the past began to flood his memories. It didn't help that a lot of androids shared the same appearance as others. Connor shook again, but this time it wasn't from the cold. His eyes burned as he thought of the pleading the deviants did and he just ruthlessly cut them down and turned them over to their deaths. They had begged him for their lives and he just turned them in. He was a monster.
Connor turned away from the mass of androids and faced the wall behind him. He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be allowed to be here with all the things he's done. Tears fell from his eyes and he frantically wiped them away. He was crying. Crying was something he'd only seen humans and deviants do. God he really was a deviant now.
He sobbed once before quickly making an exit and hoped that no one noticed his missing presence. Connor didn't make it far before he slid down the wall and sobbed. All of these new emotions and experiences mixed with his previous actions to make for a horrible feeling. It was too much for him to handle. Connor almost wished he had never deviated.
The door opened and footsteps made their way over to him. Connor didn't bother to glance up until the person sat down next to him. It was an EM400 model. The thing that caught Connor's watery gaze was the fact that he was missing an arm. The socket where his right arm should have been was covered with a bandage. Thirium stained it but he didn't seem to mind it.
It was silent for a moment before the other spoke.
"Are you okay?"
Those three words caused more tears to slide down his pale face and shake his head. He wasn't okay and quite frankly Connor wasn't certain if he'd ever be okay. A quiet hum escaped the other and he scooted himself closer to Connor so that their legs were touching. Their remaining arm snaked it's way across his shoulders and squeezed him.
"Don't worry, we're all a little not okay. Some a little more than others. Other Jerrys included."
"Does it get any easier? Being a deviant?"
"Yes. Especially when you have friends to help along. That's how we survived. How you'll survive as well. You have many friends among us here. Markus, Simon, Josh, and even North. Even other deviant androids! You're not alone despite how it may seem now. That's how we felt when we first deviated but now look at us. We have friends and dare we hope you'll be one of them."
Connor nodded with a small smile on his face. He wiped his eyes and played with the bottom on his wet jacket. Maybe being a deviant with new emotions wouldn't be all that bad.
"Yeah, I'll be your friend."