Chapter Text
Andy rolled over in the bed, curling up and pulling the sheets closer. It was 4 in the morning and he couldn't sleep, he couldn't stop thinking about what Ashley had written.
“I’ve fallen in love with you”
Andy couldn't help but smile at the thought of that. Even though the torment and complete disaster of a relationship he had with Juliet from start to finish Ashley had always been there for him. He owed Ashley his life, if Ashley hadn’t agreed to join Black Veil Brides when they first met Black Veil Brides probably wouldn't even exist.
Ashley had helped with lyrical development on all their albums and his skills with design had proven themselves with their first lines of merchandise and the logo redesign.
Ashley was the saviour of Black Veil and Andy couldn't help the guilt he felt when he knew that it was because of Black Veil that Ashley had developed his eating disorder. The band that he saved and dedicated his life to was slowly destroying him in the worst way possible.
Ever since Ashley was diagnosed officially in 2016 Andy had been a bit hostile towards fans, he knew it wasn't fair, but he blamed them for Ashley’s struggles. He blamed the over critical fans for causing Ashley sink into such a low he started starving himself and now didn't know how to stop.
He sighed as he rolled over again. Smiling softly when he saw Ashley’s sleeping form he loved watching Ashley sleep, knowing that Ashley was in a peaceful state and not suffering was always something he craved. He wished he could help Ashley more but right now, after what just happened. Both of them were struggling, Andy hid it well from Ashley because he didn't want the bassist to have anything else added to his plate but Andy had been having nightmares in the hospital, nightmares of Juliet coming back for him, nightmares of finding Ashley collapsed and too far gone, nightmares of Ashley finding his dead body and then spiralling down further to no return.
He curled up, trying not to pull the blanket from Ashley because he knew Ashley was always cold when his body weight was so low. He closed his eyes trying to let the pull of sleep take him but it wouldn't take him. He knew why it wouldn’t, his lost ability of hearing was fucking him over.
His body was in overdrive, he was terrified for Ashley and terrified that Juliet was going to find him again and finish what she had started. He rolled over again, shifting closer to Ashley and gently wrapping an arm around Ashley’s chest. The palm of his hand resting over the left side of Ashley’s chest, his steady heartbeat helping reassure Andy that Ashley’s and lull him to sleep.
Andy blinked his eyes open looking around confused, this isn't Ashley’s bedroom.
He frowned when he realized where he was, his and Juliet’s house, he was standing in the middle of their kitchen. He swallowed when he saw the knife block sitting next to the stove, frowning when he saw one was missing. The one she attacked him with.
“Andy?”
Andy froze when he heard Ashley’s voice, how the fuck could he hear? He only just got out of the hospital and the doctors said his hear might take months to recover fully if he was lucky.
“Andy? Holy fuck Andy!”
He swallowed sharply when he heard the panic and fear in Ashley’s voice coming from the living room, he turned and ran to see what was wrong and gasped at the gruesome sight before him.
It was him. At least, it looked like him, he watched in horror as Ashley knelt in a pool of his blood begging him to not die as he pressed a blanket to Andy’s neck with one hand his phone in the other.
“I can’t lose you Andy. Please just stay with me.” Ashley voice shook with sobs as he continued begging Andy to keep fighting for his life.
Andy backed away from the scene, was this what is was like? Was this how Ashley found him?
He turned to look at himself in the mirror they had in the living room and gasped seeing that he wasn't all there, sure he was there but it was like he translucent. Like a ghost.
“No I’m not leaving him!” Ashley’s desperate cries turned Andy’s attention back to the scene he swallowed when he saw a team of paramedics loading his body on a stretcher one trying to pull Ashley away.
As he was about to run forward to Ashley to assure him he’d be okay he felt the floor from from under him as the world turned back again
~~~~~~
Andy groaned as his vision returned looking around frowning when he saw that he was in a hospital room standing in a corner as he watched his band and a doctor frowning when he didn't see himself in a hospital bed, alive but in a coma.
“I’m so sorry, but despite our best efforts, Andrew Biersack died on the table. An autopsy will be performed tomorrow but preliminary reports are citing blood loss due to assault with a deadly weapon as the cause of death. I’m so sorry for your loss, take as much time as you need.” The doctor then left as Andy stared in shock seeing his bandmates react to the news of his death.
This wasn't right, he should've survived, he was supposed to survive.
His heart cracked when he saw Ashley collapse in sobs Jinxx just managing to catch him before he hit the floor.
Andy quickly recognized that Ashley was having a panic attack as he started to hyperventilate and choke on air.
“Ashley, Ashley baby I’m right here.” Andy ran over trying to get Ashley to see him. “I’m alive, I’m okay, you saved me.” He reached out for Ashley’s hand gasping when his translucent hand went straight through Ashley’s.
He couldn't comfort Ashley, Ashley thought he was dead. “No, no please.” Andy begged as he kept trying to grab Ashley’s hand. “I have to let him know I’m okay.”
Andy panicked when he felt the floor start to drop from under him again. Screaming for Ashley as he was pulled into the darkness once again.
~~~~~~
Andy groaned as he felt he was laying on something soft, sitting up quickly looking around wanting to make sure Ashley’s okay.
He sighed in relief when he saw he was in Ashley’s bed room, that relief quickly turned to panic when he turned to look at the other side of the room.
“Oh god Ash.” Andy swallowed as he paled seeing scattered needles and drug vials on the floor. He quickly threw the blankets off himself as he stood up looking around desperately for any signs of Ashley.
He froze when he heard a groan coming from the bathroom, quickly turning to run towards it panicking at the fact that he went right through the door no problem.
He felt his stomach drop when he saw the sight before him, Ashley was leaning against the wall, looking like absolute hell. He skin and bones, wasted away to almost nothing, his eyes were sunken in with bags so large and dark it looked like he’d been in a fight and got two black eyes. That wasn't the worst part, the worst part was the amount of tack marks that littered Ashley’s arms, and that Andy could spot some white powder around Ashley’s nose.
He let out a shakey breath seeing how bad Ashley was, this was far beyond the worst he saw Ashley at back in 2016, Ashley looked near death and Andy could feel the sight shredding his heart to pieces.
He watched in horror as Ashley loaded another needle the tourniquet already around his arm.
“Ashley stop!” He begged as he kneeled down in front of Ashley figuring it was useless since Ashley couldn't see or hear him in the hospital.
He frowned when he saw Ashley pause and look up his eyes widening in shock as he stared.
“Andy?” He asked his voice so raspy it was like he had gone days without drinking water.
“You can see me?” Andy asked in shock, looking down at himself seeing he was a little more opaque than he used to be.
“No, you’re dead, I’m hallucinating, I have to be.” Ashley shook his head as he went back to the drug filled needle.
“Ashley no!” Andy panicked reacting without reason as he smacked the needle out of Ashley’s hand surprising himself that he was able to do it.
He swallowed when Ashley turned to look at him again, pain clouding his eyes. “You died, it was my fault, I left a hickie on you. It was because of me.”
Andy felt his heart tear apart further when he saw the tears leak down Ashley’s face.
“It wasn’t your fault baby.” Andy spoke softly, reaching out and squeezing Ashley’s hand, “I don’t blame you for anything Ashley, it was Juliet, she's the psychopath that fucking stabbed me.”
“But it was because of me.” Ashley choked out as more tears ran down his face. “I was too scared to tell you Andy, I love you, I’ve loved you for years now, but you were with Juliet and I didn't want you to hate me.”
“Oh Ashley.” Andy sighed as he pushed some of Ashley’s matted hair back, “I never loved Juliet, she manipulated and controlled me, you helped me see that, I love you too and I should have seen it sooner, that you treat me so much better than she did.”
“You’re dead Andy.” Ashley sniffled, “I can’t live without you.”
“I’m not gone Ashley, I survived the attack. You got me to the hospital in time. I’m going to be okay, we get our life together.” Andy said as he wiped some of Ashley’s tears from his face.
Andy felt warmth spread in his chest when he saw Ashley smile though his sobs the smile he loved to see. “Really?” Ashley asked as more sobs racked his chest.
“Really Ash.” Andy reassured him, “With you’re help I’m going to be okay, and I’m going to make sure you’re okay. I’m going to make sure you eat and take your meds and make sure you see your therapist. I don’t want to lose you Ash, you mean so much to me.”
Ashley nodded at Andy’s speech as he leaned forward pressing his lips to Andy’s, “I love you.” His voice was muffled by their kiss as Andy held him close hating how light Ashley felt as he replied.
“I love you too.”
Andy gasped when he felt himself being shaken awake, his eyes flying open as he sat up quickly. Looking around he saw Ashley, staring at him with concern in his eyes.
He reached up feeling his face finding his cheeks wet, he was probably crying in his sleep because of his dream. He looked back at Ashley, not saying anything as he drew himself forward into Ashley’s arms clinging onto him as he buried his face in the crook of Ashley’s neck.
Dream Ashley was in an awful state, he never wanted to see Ashley drop to that he felt sick just thinking about the mental toll that’d have on Ashley, how bad his depression and anxiety would have to be for that to happen.
He pushed out the memories of the dreams as he stayed in Ashley’s arms, face in his neck, feeling comforted by the fact that he could feel Ashley’s heart beating and his breaths. He couldn't help the small smile when he felt Ashley rocking them slowly and him running his fingers though his hair. Ashley always knew how to calm his down after a nightmare and this was perfect.
All he needed right now was to be with Ashley, to be reassured that he was alive and okay. This was all he needed, he felt safe, he felt protected.
He felt at home.