Chapter Text
“ Scouts! Get into formation! “ A big blonde sexy buff daddy said.
They all drew their swords, getting ready to kill these titans.
“ Wait, guys how do you kill these things? We can’t just rely on Vanya to save us all the time; I wanna fight these bitches too since they’ve obviously caused a lot of problems for you guys. “ Diego said.
“ You kill them by the nape of their necks. Just slice it and they’ll die. But you’ll need some ODM gear. “ Levi said. “ Hange, get this people some gear. “ A girl with messy brown hair looked up and ran towards the wall.
“ Nah, I don’t need that shit, neither does my little brother Five. “ Diego said while grabbing his knives.
Levi and the others laughed at him. “ Yeah okay. “ Then they started flying towards the titans with swords drawn.
Diego shook his head and threw 4 knives at 4 of the titans. They all hit the nape of their necks and made the giant naked babies fall to the ground.
Five took one of Diego’s knives and teleported on a titans shoulder. “ Hey there big buddy. “ Five said while he cut the back of his neck, making yummy blood pour out all over the young school boy.
The scouts killed 4 titans, the Hargreeves killed 6.
“ What the-? “ Levi started. “ You guys are a bunch of talentless freaks! You just used your weird powers, you have no true talent. You’re witches! “
Allison approached the infuriated midget and whispered in his ear, “ I heard a rumor that you took a nice little nap right the fuck now. “
Levi passed out, sucking his thumb in his sleep like he usually does. The group of scouts stared at him and Allison in awe.
The girl with wild brown hair and glasses, Hange, approached the group of siblings. “ Wow, how did you do that? Can I test on you guys? Just come to my lab so I can figure out how all of us can be as talented as you 6. “
Klaus spoke up and said, “ Um, it’s 7. Ben is dead right next to me, but if these naked babies come again I’ll unleash his demon. “
“ Spectacular! Didn’t Marco want to tell us something about his death? This should be quite interesting! “ Hange said with wide eyes.
Jean spoke up in an angsty tone, “ It’s not interesting. He’s dead it’s sad. “
Klaus empathized with the boy since he too lost the love of his life, so he told him, “ Hey there buddy Jean, I can conjure up your boyfriend for a little bit so he can tell you guys whatever and you can have gay sex with him. “
The scouts didn’t understand how this was even possible, but conjuring him up might give information on the beast titan, so they were willing to take their chances.
“ You can? Please, just do it already. “ Jean said looking up at the sky like heaven exists.
Klaus started to do some voodoo shit with Marco. It took a few minutes, but then Klaus made a face like he was extremely constipated and conjured up Marco.
Marco was now visible to everyone and he was right in front of Klaus. Time for gay sex!
“ Oh, hi guys. Uh, so I did die from being eaten by a titan, but that’s not all the details to the story. “ Jean was staring him down like he was Beyonce. Marco blushed. “ Well, Reiner and Bert were being very suspicious, and I was watching them and they caught. I was like, ‘uh what’s going on you guys?’, not really knowing what was happening. And then the next thing I knew they were restraining me with some belts-”
Klaus interrupted and said, “ God, I wish that were me. “
“ Oh, anyways yeah they did that and left me on the roof to die for a titan to munch me up for lunch. Annie watched me die too with them. “ Marco stopped talking and everyone was disappointed, but not surprised.
Jean was very angry and wanted revenge on them, but he also wanted to kiss Marco although that’s kind of gay.
Before Jean could think of putting his lips against Marco’s sweet deformed lips, Levi woke up.
“ What the hell Allison? “ Luther said.
“ Well, I only said a little nap. “
“ What the fuck? “ Levi said while looking at the ghost of Marco.
Klaus was getting tired and felt he could no longer hold Marco there, plus Levi distracted him. Marco disappeared.
Jean ran at Levi and pinned him to the ground. “ YOU DISTRACTED ME! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT! NOW I CAN NEVER KISS HIS SWEET LIPS! “
Erwin approached the hot pinning and picked Jean off of Levi like a bug. “ That’s enough cadet. “ Erwin helped Levi up and whispered something in his ear, making Levi go red.
“ Klaus, can you get Marco to come back? “ Jean begged.
“ I can, but not right now, I’m so tired of this shit I just want a blunt and a beer please. “ Klaus said while falling to the ground, still conscious, but now looking up at the sky thinking of Dave.