Chapter Text
It was, as always, a gorgeous day in Asgard. Their ancestors had mastered weather technologies millennia ago, and so every day was predictably perfect. The sun shone down from a crystal blue sky, birds chirped happily in the morning light, and the gardens seemed even greener than usual as Loki looked down at them from his balcony. It was exactly the kind of day he had hoped for on his birthday, despite the earlier unpleasantness.
He decided to wear the outfit he’d had tailored after he’d complained that he no longer wanted to wear Thor’s hand-me-downs. He insisted, above all other reasons, that red just wasn’t his color. “It makes me look pasty and washed out!” little Loki insisted, and while Odin simply scoffed, Frigga giggled and took him to see the tailor that afternoon. He’d gotten to pick his own colors - and he loved the exquisite emerald green bolt of cloth he’d found in a corner, seemingly unused for decades. Even the tailor was surprised by his choice. “Green is not a... royal color, per se, my prince. If you’d like a cooler hue, perhaps a blue or-”
Frigga had needed to hold him back when he turned on the poor man and started pontificating about how he was a prince and if he wanted green then he would HAVE green!
Eventually, he got his wish - a beautiful green tunic that draped with layers of fabric, over a soft black linen shirt and leather breaches. He’d even gotten boots made with green accents to match the tunic, and though he had begged his mother for silver vambraces, she said he was too young for metal accents.
As he looked at himself in the mirror, wearing his favorite outfit, his hair tamed and styled in the expert way that only he could do correctly...it still looked wrong. Something he couldn’t identify was just...off. It happened often, when he was trying to look his best. No matter how much effort he put into his appearance, just something about his reflection never seemed...it was impossible to describe. Like an itch he couldn’t find and couldn’t scratch. He’d had the same face and body for 500 years, but somehow it never felt like it was his . Madness, to be sure - who ever felt like they had the wrong body? Not a prince, of course. As always, he pushed that constant discomfort to the back of his mind, and made his way to the garden.
He went to his favorite place, a beautiful round glade, surrounded by exotic flowers from around the realms - pinks and blues and reds and yellows burst out of the verdant green around him. Loki sat on the tall stone bench, his short legs kicking absently in the open air between the seat and the ground. He had wrapped his palm in a piece of cloth, hoping to hide his self-injury - it was not proper for a prince to have done such a thing, and he felt ashamed. As he waited for his mother, his gaze was drawn to a garden spider who was spinning her web, and he lost himself in her delicate motions, circling the center slowly and deliberately, gradually moving outward, pulling silk from her abdomen as she went. How simple life would be if I were a spider , Loki thought to himself, imagining his own head on a spider’s body, simply lying in wait for some unfortunate bug to come disturb the sticky strands. No duties. No angry father. No perfect brother. Just...being a spider, and that was enough.
A small bit of movement beneath a bush grabbed his attention, and he froze, shifting only his eyes to the spot, not moving a muscle. A bright green snake slithered forward into a beam of sunshine on a flagstone in the glade. Loki was awestruck by the magnificence of the creature - it’s smooth scales shining in the light, it’s long body moving gracefully across the ground, it’s emotionless slitted eyes giving him an acknowledging look as it settled itself on the stone and warmed its body, as though nothing else in the world could bother it. Loki wanted to get down on the ground and stare at it more closely, but he was afraid that if he moved, the incredible animal would slither away. So he stayed as still as a statue as the snake curled upon itself and basked. He could see the scales expand and contract with its breath, and that little forked tongue flicking out had him eager with anticipation as he waited for it to emerge each time with no discernable pattern.
He was transfixed, his complete focus on nothing but the shimmer of golden light that seemed to emanate from its gorgeous emerald back. So quiet, so calm…
“Loki?”
Frigga’s voice was soft, but he had been so entranced by his new friend that he yelped and jumped. He quickly turned to his mother, a guilty look on his face, then, realizing what he had done, turned back to see the empty flagstone. He sighed, looking dejected.
“There was a snake...but I scared him away…” Loki said half-heartedly, and Frigga came and sat on the bench next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder.
“I’m certain he enjoyed the company for a time, even if he was a bit skittish.” Loki looked up and his eyes met his mother’s, full of love and confidence and comfort. He let a small smile spread across his face before leaning in and giving her a hug around her waist, his little fingers wrapping around the folds of fabric in her dress and his cheek pressing against her shoulder. After a few moments of embrace, he pulled back, and Frigga took his hands in hers, as she often did. Then she noticed the cloth wrapped around his palm.
“What’s this?” she said calmly, with just a hint of concern. Loki’s chest tightened as she unwrapped it and saw the small marks in his hand, and tears began to brim in his eyes as she understood what had happened. A deep red flushed his cheeks.
“Oh, my boy,” she cooed, and she took his injured hand in both of hers. Golden beams of light and a happy warmth flowed from her delicate fingers, and after a moment, she let him go. The injuries were gone. Loki was dumbstruck - he knew his mother could do magic, but she had never done it on him before. Magic was unsettling to most on Asgard - warriors preferred the natural way healing from injuries so as to be able to show off the scars of battle later at the tavern. Frigga rarely showed her powers, and to see it now, up close, healing him...Loki was in genuine shock.
“I know I don’t often use my magic in Asgard,” Frigga said, smiling brightly at his astonished expression. “But it is something I hold very dear, something I have spent centuries practicing, and I was thinking...now that you’re 500, you might be old enough to start learning. Would you like that, little one?”
Loki couldn’t breathe - the air literally stilled in his chest. She was going to teach him magic. He was going to learn magic . HE was going to learn MAGIC!!
His luminous green eyes stayed locked on his mother, unable to turn away as his young mind refused to process anything but those words. Right as Frigga began to worry that she may have misjudged her son’s eagerness to take lessons from her, Loki’s face broke out in the biggest smile she had seen from him in his life.
“YES! Mother, yes! Thank you, I...I can’t wait!” He excitedly jumped up on the bench and began dancing and hopping in place, eyes squeezed shut with elation. “I’m gonna learn MAGIC!” he cried out. “You’re going to teach me MAGIC!!! ”
Frigga laughed and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Shhh, Loki. No need to tell all of Asgard. Now sit back down.”
Loki lowered himself back to sitting but quickly hugged his mother with as much strength as his small arms could manage. Once he couldn’t squeeze any more, he pulled back and beamed up at her. “When do we start? Can we start today? Right now?”
“Yes, my dear,” Frigga smiled almost as widely as him, her eyes sparkling with joy. She pulled two small glass marbles from a pocket in her dress, one yellow, one blue, and held them in her flat palm. Loki watched intently, eager to see what would happen. With just the slightest squint of her eyes, Frigga made the blue marble gracefully levitate, dancing in the air in front of her. Loki’s jaw dropped as he watched it fly. “I’m going to learn THAT?!” he said with glee, unconsciously squeezing both hands into tight fists at chest level and wiggling in his seat, his gaze never leaving the swooping blue orb.
The marble slowly landed back where it had started, and Frigga took a moment to indulge herself in his childlike wonder - one of the many joys she had discovered in motherhood was sharing in the excitement of new discoveries with her children. It was a special pleasure to be the cause of such delight in her oft-melancholy son. ““Yes, my sweet boy. Now give me your hand, and I’ll show you.”
Loki reached out and took her empty hand, and she could feel him twitching with excitement. “Now, close your eyes,” she said, and he did as she asked.
Suddenly, he felt a warm tingling in his hand that traveled slowly up his arm from where she touched him. He gasped quietly as it spread up to his elbow, but managed to keep his eyes shut.
“Do you feel that?” Frigga whispered, and she grinned again as Loki nodded slowly. “That is seidr. It’s a force that is controlled through emotion and willpower, just like magnetism is controlled by atoms and charges. It is all around us - some places have a more than others, but it can be found everywhere in the universe, always in the background of your senses - however, without knowing its aura, it is almost impossible to recognize. Now that you know what it feels like, you should be able to perceive it yourself, whenever you want. But it takes training to know how to harness it and make it manifest your will. Do you understand, Loki?”
Loki nodded, focusing on the effusive tickle that now radiated through his entire body, committing the sensation to the deepest parts of his memory so he would always know it. It suddenly felt as essential as breathing, like something he’d been searching for his entire life and was just now finding; made him feel complete, whole in a way that had never seemed possible. He decided right then and there that he would never be without it again, that he would dedicate his life to understanding and mastering it. That it would be his.
“Open your other hand and call it to you,” Frigga spoke softly, not wanting to disturb his concentration. “Think about drawing that feeling to the center of your palm and holding it there.”
Loki imagined the seidr cautiously coming to him, like a frightened animal, and he held up his hand to welcome it to him. It’s ok , he told it in his mind, you are safe. I won’t hurt you. He could feel his hand warm, and he smiled as the tingling wrapped between his fingers and settled on his life line.
“Take a look.”
He could hear the smile in Frigga’s voice as he opened his eyes. A beautiful golden light swirled lazily in the palm of his hand. An ecstatic laugh burst from his chest as he kept the seidr circling slowly, afraid to take his eyes off of it in case looking away would make it disappear. Frigga leaned forward, holding her hand with the two marbles in front of him. “Now I want you to reach down with it, and pick up one of the marbles.”
Loki’s brow furrowed and his veridian eyes locked onto the glass sphere. Go to it, he willed the seidr. The vapor slowly extended outward and touched the smooth surface.
“Can you feel the marble? The temperature? The texture of the glass?” Frigga whispered quietly behind him, and he found that he could...it was warm from being in her hand, and the hard surface was firm...
“Lift it up,” she encouraged him. At first he could only make it wiggle, just a little bit...Loki held his breath and pushed the seidr a bit harder. Come on ...he begged silently, still struggling with the balance between drawing it in and expending it, trying to make it flow instantly through him to the marble. His forehead began to bead with sweat from the effort, but the determined boy maintained his focus, visualizing that he was saturating the shimmering vapor with his will. With another push, the seidr surrounded the little yellow orb, and slowly it began to rise into the air. He could feel its weight as he continued to elevate the object, completely enthralled by the swirling sensation of the magic flowing through him and around the marble. Narrowing his eyes, he willed it to move side to side, then in a small circle, then back down to his mother’s palm.
Frigga closed her hand around the small items, and the golden seidr retreated once again to Loki’s hand. After another few seconds of staring at it in awe, he finally exhaled. Then he turned to his mother with a smile that encompassed all the excitement he felt at his accomplishment.
“I did it!” His voice was barely a whisper, so overwhelmed with emotion that his throat could hardly make a sound. Then, the joy overcame him and he laughed. “I DID IT!” he said loud enough to scare a bird out of a nearby tree.
Frigg laughed with him and squeezed him tight. “Well done, my beautiful boy! You’re a natural.” She kissed the top of his head, pride threatening to burst her chest wide open. Her precious, precocious son finally had an outlet she could share with him. She thrilled at the thought of the lessons they would have together.
Loki held his hand up to his face, the golden light he held still undulating gently, casting a bright, soft glow on his young face. He buzzed with its energy as it pulsed through him, feeling it harmonize with his soul. He knew it, more than anything he’d felt before, that this was right.
You are mine,
he thought proudly, and as he did, the swirling mist turned a beautiful, emerald shade of green.