Chapter Text
Kenny's POV
When he woke up to his alarm blaring from his phone, Kenny felt as if his head had been put through a coffee grinder.
He groaned loudly, trying to locate his phone without opening his eyes, but realized slowly that the phone wasn't next to his bed, like it was supposed to be, but in the pocket of his jeans, which again had him realized he was sleeping in his jeans.
Oh.
He had died again, then.
When he finally managed to shut his phone up, the lanky blond sat up in his bed and tried to orient himself a bit.
He checked the calendar on his phone to see what day it was, and groaned again when he saw it was Friday.
He was pretty sure he had died on Thursday night, but he had held on to a small hope that it had been after midnight, which would have given him a extra day before he re-spawned, but no such luck.
Kenny rubbed his temples as the conversations he had with Damien and Pip in Hell during his brief stay started coming back to him. Had he really almost told them about his feelings for Stan?
Fuck.
Not that any of them could ever tell anyone in Kenny's day to day life, but still.
He could barley admit it to himself most days, and it felt... strange, to almost have said it out loud to people he considered friends.
Strange, but not necessarily bad, he came to realize.
As he slowly started to feel like his brain was falling back into place, Kenny realized he has several unread messages from Stan, and he felt the familiar flutter in his chest, and suddenly felt way more awake and alive than he had just a moment ago.
He quickly read through the texts, and he realized with a sinking feeling that Stan had gone through one of his tough nights last night, and that Kenny had missed out on an opportunity to be there for him.
Of course Kenny hated that Stan struggled with his insomnia, but what he didn't hate was how he usually turned to Kenny for comfort in those times.
During those quiet nights spent in Stans bed, side by side, their hands occasionally intertwined, it felt like it was just the two of them in the entire universe, and Kenny usually never felt that safe and tranquil any other place, with any other person.
The fact that Kenny has missed out on a night like that, and on top of that left Stan alone, made him feel like shit.
He spent a few minutes crafting a somewhat believable text back to Stan, saying that he has crashed as soon as he got home last night, and that he hoped Stan had gotten some sleep after all.
When that was done, Kenny quickly went through his morning routine, but a throbbing headache was slowing him down, so he ended up taking an Aspirin and hoping for the best.
He didn't always feel any pain from his death the day after, but when he did, it usually manifested itself into a headache.
Kenny was a bit taken aback by the fact that it was his mother, not Kevin as he expected, that was making breakfast when he entered the kitchen.
Perhaps even more surprising, she was making pancakes, not the usual frozen waffles the McCormick kids were basically raised on.
Kenny slowly sat down at the table, trying to get eye contact with Karen, who was also sitting down for breakfast for once, but his sister was busy updating their mother on some art project she was doing with Ike.
When his mother finally realized Kenny had entered the kitchen, she shot him a tired, but genuine smile.
“Mornin' Kenny,” she said with a nod, and turned back to flip a pancake.
“Yes, how utterly nice of you to finally join us, Kenneth.”
Kenny rolled his eyes at his sister, and checked the time quickly.
“I'm on time, come on!” he said and stifled a yawn.
“Where's Kevin, though?” he asked, and thanked his mom as she plopped a pancake onto his plate.
Karen, who was already eating her pancake, tried to answer, but it came out completely impossible to understand, considering how full her mouth were.
Kenny raised his eyebrows at her, before turning back to their mom.
“For goodness sake, Karen, eat, then talk!” she said and shook her head, but she couldn't quite hide the tiny smile on her face, before she turned back to Kenny.
“He and your father left early, they're both working early at the garage today, so I figured I could, ya know...” she drifted off, and gestured towards the stove with a sheepish look on her face.
Kenny didn't have time to respond, before Karen went into a long speech on how amazing the pancakes were, and Kenny felt a flicker of hope in his chest.
Their mom might not have been there much for him and Kevin when they grew up, but seeing how she was currently trying, and seemingly succeeding so far, and seeing how much it clearly meant to Karen, it really filled him with more hope than he had felt in a long time.
Kenny was dragged back to reality when his phone suddenly beeped, and he checked it to find that he had a new text from Stan, which made him smile a bit to himself.
“Who was that?”
Kenny looked up, and felt a small blush creep over his face as he realized both his mom and Karen were looking at him with knowing looks on their faces. It was almost uncanny, because they looked strikingly similar, especially after their mom had stopped dyeing her hair red, and was back to the same brown color as Karen and Kevin had.
“Hello, Kenny? Who made you all gooey and smiley?” Karen raised her voice slightly, and waved her hand in front of his face.
Kenny huffed and pushed her hand away, rolling his eyes.
“I'm not gooey, I'm tired, that's all,” he said quickly, and as he actually read the text, he grabbed his shoulder bag and got up.
“And, if I was smiling, it was simply because Stan said he's driving to school today, and that he decided to pick me up, so I don't have to walk today,” he added with a wink to his sister, stopped to kiss his mom on the cheek and thank her for breakfast, and darted for the door.
When he closed the door behind him, he stopped and smiled to himself as he saw Stan sitting alone in his parents car, drumming his fingers on he steering wheel, looking surprisingly awake and chipper considering the texts from last night.
Kenny hoped that meant he had gotten some sleep, after all.
Stan jumped a little as Kenny opened the door on the passenger side, and Kenny had to pretend to cough into his hand to not show Stan how it made him smile.
“Dude, hey!” Stan beamed, and Kenny couldn't help feeling like Stans good mood was rubbing off on him as well.
“Morning, dude,” Kenny replied and tried, and failed, to stifle a yawn.
“You look awfully well rested, does that mean you fell asleep last night, after all?” he asked and glanced at his black haired friend as he started driving slowly along the quiet street.
“Yep, after a while,” he said, glancing in the rearview mirror, even though they were the only car in sight.
Stan was an insanely careful driver, and it never failed to amuse his friends.
“Didn't anyone else want a ride?” Kenny asked, suddenly reminded that he was the only one in the car.
Stan shrugged.
“Kyle had something to do with the student council before school hours, and I didn't feel like dealing with Cartman this early.”
Kenny huffed out a laugh.
“Sure, I don't blame you,” he said, and allowed himself to really take in Stans appearance for a second.
When he focused on a singular task, and not overthinking everything else, Stan looked so relaxed, so content, and it made him look even more beautiful than usual. His deep blue eyes, the jet black hair hanging in said eyes, his slightly upturned nose, pink full lips, fair, pale skin...
Shit, Kenny was really in over his head today.
“So,” he heard himself say, trying to distract himself before he started to drool or something, “what did you do to get your folks to give you the car today?”
Stan smiled slyly.
“Nothing, actually,” he said, as he softly pressed the break before a small, deserted intersection.
“They left early this morning, they're visiting Shelly at college this weekend.”
Kenny raised his eyebrows, surprised.
“Really?” he asked, tilting his head slightly.
“Was it like, a spur of the moment thing? I mean, usually you'd take the opportunity to throw a party or something, right?”
Stan made a non-committal sound.
“Nah, dude, I just didn't feel like filling the house with people right now, I guess,” he mumbled, and narrowed his eyes as he drove slowly into the school parking lot.
Kenny, who had kept his hood up ever since he got into the car to hide the mess that was his hair that day, quickly lifted it off and ran his hand through his hair, and pulled the hood up again before Stan got the chance to see.
“Yeah, I get that,” Kenny agreed, and looked over at his friend once again when the car came to a halt, perfectly parked on a deserted part of the parking lot.
The two boys sat in silence for a second, before Stan cleared his throat.
“I was thinking of inviting some people on Saturday though, just for some gaming and pizza” he added, sending Kenny a questioning look.
Kenny just nodded, not sure why Stan was looking a him like that.
“Like, just Kyle, Cartman, you, of course, and maybe Butters, Craig, Tweek, Token, Clyde and Jimmy...” he sighed as he drifted off.
“Yeah, sure, that sounds fun,” Kenny said, and Stan smiled.
“So, you'd come, then?” Stan asked, his eyes so big and genuine it made Kennys insides flutter for what felt like the thousand time that morning.
Kenny smiled back at him, and nodded quickly.
“Of course, dude,” he said, as he grabbed his shoulder bag from the floor.
“You know me dude, just say the word, and I'm there!”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Stan's POV
Stan was a pretty simple guy, who enjoyed living a pretty simple life.
Sure, there was things he'd like to change, like how there were animals suffering in the world, or how he wasn't dating a tall, lanky blonde dude, but in general, he was pretty happy to go with the current flow.
One of the things he particularly enjoyed about said flow, was the tradition of Friday lunches off campus with his friends.
This Friday was no exception, especially since he currently had a car, and by the time he met up with Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Butters by the main doors of the school building, he was basically starving.
“So...” Stan started, looking between his friends, bracing himself for the usual argument of where to eat.
“Taco Bell?”
“Taco Bell.”
Everyone turned towards Kyle and Cartman, who both looked mortified at the idea that they had thought of the same thing, at the same time.
Kenny, who still had the hood of his dark gray hoodie pulled over his head, guaffed out an amused laugh, gaining glares from both Cartman and Kyle.
“Fine, then,” Stan shrugged, “they have vegetarian options there, so I'm good.”
“How about we ask the rest of the fellas to join in?” Butters asked cheerfully.
Cartman immediately shook his head harshly.
“No way dude, we only have room for us in the car, and trying to find a table big enough is a bitch, and everything takes so much longer, and-”
“Okay, Eric, I get your point!” Butters cut him off quickly, smiling helplessly at Kenny and Stan.
Kyle, Cartman and Butters all started walking briskly towards the car, and Kenny and Stan followed in their own chill tempo.
“So, are looking forward to telling Eric that you've already invited Craig and those guys for Saturday?” Kenny asked in a cheerful tone, and Stan grinned back at him.
“Well, they all said yes, too, so if he wants to be a bitch about it, he'll just have to stay home, won't he?” Stan shrugged, and Kenny shook his head.
“You know perfectly well that he's capable of bitching at your place as well.”
Stan smiled smugly.
“Well, like I said, everyone said yes, and that includes Tweek, and we both know that Cartman is secretly terrified of him, so if he starts acting up, we'll just...” Stan drifted off with anther shrug.
“Send Tweek on him?” Kenny finished, and Stan grinned.
“Exactly.”
-
When they finally pulled up to the closest Taco Bell, Stan couldn't wait to get out of the car. The ride might only have taken about five minutes, but with the people currently in the car, it had felt like a small eternity.
Cartman and Kyle had almost gotten in a physical fight over who was riding shotgun, so Stan had put his foot down and given the seat to Butters, and told the other two that if they didn't behave, they could walk to Taco Bell.
It really didn't help that Kenny was sitting between them, subtly egging them on for his own amusement.
Stan might adore close to everything about Kenny, but his enjoyment of riling their two feisty friends up was not one of those things.
But, now they were finally there, and Stan was pleased when he ended up sitting next to Kenny at the corner booth they all preferred, and since it was a pretty tight squeeze for five people at that booth, they were sitting all close.
Stan felt like he was a sixth grader with a crush, but he almost didn't care, because the rush of being close to Kenny was just too good.
Butters volunteered to go place everyones order, but Stan knew keeping track of all their food was easier said than done, so he offered to go with him.
As they stood in line, Stan couldn't stop himself from turning back to glance at Kenny, partly because he enjoyed watching him, but also because he had a weird feeling that something was up with him.
He was used to Kenny keeping his hood up a lot, but he usually took it off when they were talking or eating, and especially when he was in a good mood, like he seemed to be today.
“You okay there, Stan?”
Stan jumped slightly and felt a blush cover up his cheeks as Butters looked at him with a genuine and curious look on his face.
“Yeah, of course, he replied and smiled back, and they fell back into silence.
Stan cleared his throat awkwardly, and snuck a quick glance over at Kenny again. What was that on his face? It was hard to see under the hood, but it almost looked like a huge... bruise?
The eerie feeling that had taken over him last night snuck back under Stans skin.
But then they were suddenly first in line, and Stan helped Butters place all the orders, and then they carried the five sodas back to the booth.
As they waited for their food, Stan kept trying to get a good glimpse of Kennys face, but it seemed almost impossible, and when their lunch arrived, he gave up and decided to focus on the light conversation and greasy food instead.
“What the fuck, Stan?!” Cartman suddenly half-shouted as he checked his phone.
“What?” Stan asked, very confused and with a mouth full of vegetarian burrito.
Cartman basically sneered at him.
“Why the hell is Clyde asking me if he should bring his xbox to your place on Saturday?!” he asked, and Stan caught on, rolling his eyes.
“Because I invited him and the others, obviously, but now my phone is out of battery again, so he probably had a small aneurysm and thought it was a good idea to ask you instead.”
Kyle and Kenny both snickered, and even Butters smiled down at his nachos, trying not to be obvious about it.
“What's the fuss, Eric, you're not scared of a little competition, are you?” Kenny asked with fake innocence in his voice.
Cartman was about to yell something back, but first he threw his hands out angrily, and accidentally
slapped Butters, who flinched to the side, knocking over his soda, who splashed all over Kennys hoodie.
“Oh, great job, Fatass!” Kyle snapped at Cartman, who immediately started blaming Clyde's text for the whole thing, all while poor Butters was desperately trying to dry off Kenny with a bunch of napkins.
“Dude, chill, it totally wasn't your fault!” Kenny said quickly, tryin to calm down Butters' rampage of napkins.
“This isn't even my favorite hoodie dude, and I have a shirt under, I'll just...”
He cut himself off, trying to remove the hoodie without leaving the stall, almost punching Stan in the process, but after a bit of a struggle, he finally managed to pull the soda soaked hoodie off without punching anyone in the face.
Kenny quickly ran a hand through his now messy blonde hair, making it even more messy than it was, and re-tied the black bandana he had clearly worn under the hood around his head again.
Stan had always loved the way Kenny looked when he wore bandanas like that.
But this time, it wasn't the cute hair, or bandana, or his eyes or freckles or even the relaxed grin on his face, that caught Stans attention.
Stan couldn't even find his voice, as he stared at Kennys bruised and beat up face. The right side of his face was all covered in a bruise in varying shades of purple, blue and black, and there was defiantly scars on his face and neck that Stan was positive had not been there before.
What the fuck?
The part that made him almost loose his mind with fear, however, was how it seemed like nobody but Stan himself was seeing this.
Kenny was laughing with Butters and Kyle, and Cartman was sulking in the corner, quietly eating his burrito while side-eyeing the others with a cold stare.
Stan blinked, and shook his head, and for a second, all the scars and bruises seemed to disappear from Kennys skin, before they re-appeared again, almost like a glitch in a video game.
Stan almost didn't realize that Kenny was now looking straight at him, with a concerned look on his bruised face.
“You okay dude?” he asked and gave Stans knee a gentle squeeze, which usually would have made Stan all giddy, but right now, he barley noticed it.
“Ye- uhm, yeah!”
Stan heard how fake it sounded, and Kenny clearly didn't believe him either, because he fully turned towards him.
Holy shit, those bruises looked so painful.
“Do you wanna leave or something?” Kenny asked quietly, probably thinking this was something about Stan's dark thoughts last night.
Stan quickly shook his head.
“No dude, I'm fine, really!” he said and tried to smile, and focus on Kenny's eyes.
“I'm just a bit tired, I guess, but thanks anyway.”
Kenny clearly didn't buy that, but didn't push any further, either, and gave Stans leg one more squeeze before turning back to his food.
What the fuck was going on?
-
That same night, Stan was sitting on the couch in his living room, a box of half-eaten pizza on the table, the TV set on some old comedy Stan had seen a thousand times, but still secretly enjoyed, but no mater how much he usually enjoyed the movie, tonight his mind was somewhere else.
Focusing on someone else, to be exact.
No matter what Stan tried to distract himself, nothing seemed to take his mind of Kenny and the odd scars and horrible bruises he seemed to somehow be covered in, and not covered in, at the same time.
Earlier he had tried to play some Overwatch with Cartman, but he was so distracted he kept fucking off, and ended up bailing before Cartman unfriended him for life.
So here he was, hair a mess, in his grey plaid PJ pants and a big hoodie, on the couch, with only his dog, Sparky, to keep him company, at 9:30 PM on a Friday night.
Pretty damn sad, if he was honest with himself.
But before Stan could wallow in anymore self-pity, the sound of the doorbell and Sparky's excited barking pulled him out of that state of mind.
Stan stood slowly, trying to brush the pizza crust crumbles of his hoodie, and for a second he seriously considered just ignoring the door, based on his current appearance and sad state, but in the end, he was too polite to just ignore the door like that.
He tried to comb his hair with his hand, to no avail, and gently grabbed Sparky's collar so he wouldn't attack whoever was at the other side of the door with wild hugs and kisses, as Stan knew he would if given the chance.
When Stan finally managed to open the door, he was taken aback by the familiar hooded figure standing on the other side.
“Oh.”
If Stan could have slapped himself in that moment, he would have.
Kenny, who was still standing on the porch, raised his eyebrow and smiled crookedly.
“Oh to you too, Marsh.”
Stan grinned dumbly for a second, and then Sparky started pulling towards Kenny, whining softly at the sight of the old friend in the doorway.
Stan managed to pull the large dog out of the way, and gestured for Kenny to come inside, and when Kenny had closed the door behind him, Stan finally let go of Sparky.
The old, gray dog bounced happily towards the lanky blonde, basically giving him a bear hug, and Kenny laughed loudly, plopping down on the floor to properly ruffle and hug the large dog.
Looking at them like that, Stan was sure his heart might burst from the love he felt for the two of them, and the genuine sweetness in their interaction.
Kenny looked up at him trough his bangs, and grinned boyishly, showing off his white, but gapped and crooked teeth, and Stan felt a blush creeping over his face.
“So, erm, dude,” Stan started awkwardly, “what... I mean, is everything okay?”
Kenny stood up and brushed of his torn jeans quickly, before turning towards Stan and shrugging.
“Yeah dude, I just, I was bored, and I knew you were alone, and honestly, I think we need to talk.”
We need to talk.
Those four words echoed inside Stans mind until he was sure he was gonna faint, but then he realized Kenny was smiling casually at him.
“Stan, you look like a ghost, dude. Chill, I just figured you've been acting a bit out of it lately, and wanted to make sure everything is, you know...” he drifted off and shrugged.
“Good,” he finished, and raised an eyebrow.
Stan nodded slowly, and they both made their way over to the couch and sat down, and Stan noticed how Kenny for once didn't lay down, but sat with his legs crossed, facing Stan with a some-what serious expression on his freckly face.
Freckly, and thankfully not bruised and scarred, at least right now.
Stan cleared his throat, and nodded towards the pizza box.
“Want any?” he asked Kenny with a shrug. “I'm not having anymore, so you can just go ahead.”
Kenny grinned.
“Cheers,” he said, sounding oddly British for a second, and grabbed a slice and turned towards the TV.
“Dude, you didn't say Stuck On You was on!” Kenny said cheerily.
“Man, we must have seen that movie a thousand times in middle school.”
Stan couldn't help but smile, even though his nerves were still a bit on edge.
“Yeah, I know,” he said and glanced between the blond on his couch and the TV.
At first, Stan decided to let Kenny finish his pizza before asking about what it was he came over to talk about, but he quickly realized that Kenny was already way to engrossed in their old favorite movie to remember where he even was.
Stan was very tempted to just watch his crush for a while, and if the situation was any different, he probably would have, but right now, there was something else he needed to do.
“So,” Stan said softly, trying to get Kenny's attention.
Kenny, who had been chuckling at the movie while still stuffing his face with pizza, turned towards Stan and widened his eyes, clearly just remembering where he was.
“Oh, right!” Kenny said and shook his head with a grin. “Sorry, dude, I got distracted! You know how it is!”
Stan just nodded and gave a small smile. He knew very well, because Kenny was probably the most spaced out dude in the universe, it was seriously admirable how he could just disappear inside his head at almost all times.
Kenny, who had just finished his second slice of pizza, turned down the volume on the TV and turned towards Stan again, crossing his legs and putting his hans solemnly in his lap.
Honestly, it was kind of adorable, like when a tiny puppy tried to look intimidating.
“Okay, so,” Kenny started carefully, and Stan's attention was brought back to the conversation he was low-key dreading.
“Yeah, so, the reason I came over tonight, and the reason I want to talk to you one on one, it's just, I feel like you've been sorta... off, lately?”
Stan blinked a couple of times, trying to follow along Kenny's clumsy wording, and nodded carefully, trying to get Kenny to go on.
Kenny cleared his throat.
“I mean, I know you struggle with insomnia at times, but lately I feel like it's been happening a lot more, and then, just today, you suddenly started to look at me all weird, like I was scaring you or something?”
Kenny sighed softly.
“I guess I just need to know you're okay, Stan.”
The blond boy looked right at him with his bright blue eyes, his whole face showing how genuine he was, and Stans heart skipped a beat.
“Erm, yeah, I-I guess I did act a little weird earlier today, huh?” Stan said and tried to chuckle, but it honestly just sounded like the most awkward sound Stan had ever produced.
What was he supposed to say? He supposed he should just lie, to be sure Kenny didn't end up thinking he was insane and never wanted to speak to him again.
Then again, Stan had never been a very good liar. Especially not to Kenny.
Fuck, was he really gonna do this?
“Shit, you're gonna think I'm totally crazy if I tell you the truth, dude...” Stan mumbled and averted his eyes.
He quickly looked back up as he felt Kennys hand on his own, and the flutter in his chest was back full force.
“Try me.”
Kennys voice was so sturdy and genuine, that it somehow managed to get Stan to continue talking.
“Okay.”
Stan took a deep breath before he continued talking.
“So, lately I've been having these weird feelings, not just like normal sadness or stress, but a deep dread, and it comes at all sorts of strange times, it almost feels like something is glitching?”
Stan shook his head at his own wording, but Kenny was just watching him patiently.
“Sorry, I know that sounded weird. But it's the best way explain it! It usually passes pretty fast, too,” Stan finished, before taking a deep breath.
“And then, just yesterday, last night, I had one of those moments right after we left Cartmans, so I was already a bit on edge today. So, when we were at lunch, and you removed your hoodie, you looked...”
Stan paused.
He simply couldn't look at Kennys face as he said this part, it was too embarrassing.
“You looked beaten up dude. Or, maybe not beaten up, but worse!”
The inky haired boy felt his hands starting to shake slightly.
“You had a huge shiner, and other bruises on your face, as well as a lot of scars, old and new ones I hadn't seen before, and even worse, nobody else seemed to notice, and when I blinked, it just, it went away! But then, just as I figured I was just tired and imagining this, it just appeared again, like... like a glitch!”
Stan was aware he was talking fast, probably too fast, but he needed to get this off his chest, before he chickened out.
The two boys sat in silence for a while, Kennys hand still on Stans, but none of them really said anything or moved.
Finally, Stan decided to peak at Kennys face, and the look on the other boys face took him by surprise.
Kenny looked like he had seen a ghost, and probably something even crazier than that too, because his eyes were so wide Stan worried they were gonna pop out of their sockets, and his skin so pale his freckles stood out on his skin like they were drawn on by markers.
Stan felt a growing feeling dread in his gut, as he realized he had probably freaked Kenny out too much this time, and that he was probably never going to talk to him again.
“Kenny...?” Stan tried softly, and Kenny looked at him and blinked a few times before he spoke carefully.
“Dude, now we really need to talk.”