Chapter Text
The coffee warmed his chilled hands, the ceramic mug smooth against his skin. Roxas stared down at the liquid with unfocused eyes and a heavy heart. He sat on the deck, on the stairs that lead out onto the white sand and further to the beach. It was dawn and the sun took its sweet time coming up over the horizon. Roxas watched the steam from his mug move with the breeze. He couldn’t bring himself to take a sip.
The screen door opened and closed behind him. Roxas tensed without meaning to, and he cursed himself for it. At one time, he’d thought… He’d thought there was nothing to fear, but there was. Roxas wasn’t one to listen to fear, to give into it, but he’d almost died. His certainty and arrogance had almost cost him his life. He gripped the mug harder. A crack appeared around the handle.
Riku hesitantly joined him on the stairs. He didn’t carry a mug of coffee or anything really, just a solemn expression and a yearning gaze reserved for the ocean alone. Roxas glanced at him out of the corner of his eye but then quickly looked away. The goosebumps were new, unpleasant. Was the trembling out of rage? Roxas would tell himself it was, no matter the truth.
“Sleep well?” Roxas asked, his voice hoarse. He didn’t bother clearing his throat. After the screaming, crying, and whispering that he’d suffered through yesterday, it was a miracle he could be heard at all.
Riku said nothing, as he so often did. He was stoic, silent, contemplative. He looked out over the ocean silently, leaving Roxas to stew in his own misery, leaving him alone to deal with the stupidity of his own actions.
Back when they were dating, when they were young in love and their greatest worry was when they were going to see each other next, Riku had been so talkative. Constantly asking questions, pointing things out, commenting, flirting, sweet talking. Roxas had been the quiet one, relying more on physical action to convey what he was feeling. Riku understood. Through the pushes, bumps, flicks, pinches and shoves, Riku could tell what Roxas was feeling.
They’d switched places. It was up to Roxas to discern what his husband was feeling based on action alone, based on the look in his eye. But when he looked at Riku, he only saw loneliness which led to a depth of feelings that Roxas couldn’t quite understand, that he couldn’t comprehend because he wasn’t there. He’d seen a glimpse of it last night. In a bright cyan eye, Roxas had dealt with the torment and pain Riku had been through in the Realm of Darkness.
He’d never be able to fully understand. But they could work through it together. They could overcome it together. They were both strong willed, stubborn, foolish, reckless — but they loved each other. And that love was the strongest connection they had between them.
Roxas loved Riku with his whole heart, his entire body, his absolute soul. He loved him to death. He was reckless, he’d proved that last night by encouraging Riku to remove his blindfold. He was foolish, letting Riku go alone, and he was stubborn because he wasn’t going to allow them to fall apart. He wasn’t going to let their relationship slip like sand through his fingers, each grain a beautiful memory he wouldn’t trade for the world.
Roxas set down his mug of coffee beside him. The sun peaked out from behind the horizon, greeting them with a hearty hello and a sliver of warmth. The dawn. Beautiful, enchanting, luminous, a new day, a new start. Riku… wouldn’t ever be completely the same; Roxas had to understand that. He’d spent two years in such a terrible place without anyone by his side and Roxas knew how that felt, to wander alone. But Riku wasn’t alone anymore and he’d never be again.
Loyal. Roxas was loyal, too, and he wasn’t going to leave Riku’s side. No matter the danger, the enemy, or threat. That’s where he was supposed to be; that’s where he wanted to be. Beside his husband. Always and forever.
He moved his right hand and gently took Riku’s left in his own, leading their fingers in a slow dance of intertwining. Riku didn’t say anything, he continued to look out at the view, but he held tight to Roxas’ hand, kept that connection, grasped it firmly.
Roxas smiled as he rubbed his thumb along the back of Riku’s hand. Back and forth, to the song of the waves. He understood that. Riku was just as stubborn and loyal as he was. They watched the dawn together, brisk winds bringing the smell of the sea with them.
Roxas would talk, then. He would hold Riku’s hand, treasure him just as deeply as Riku treasured him. He would look into his eye to read his heart, observe his actions to understand his feelings, and Roxas would tell Riku how he felt. He would open his mouth and scramble for words. He would string together sentences and place them around Riku’s neck, a necklace of reminders, of love that he would never be without.
“I love you,” Roxas started, a truth that sat at the very heart of their relationship. “Forever and always.”
Riku kept silent but their connection didn’t waver, didn’t tremble or shake, it stayed steady. Roxas understood that, too.
“Did I tell you what happened the last time Sora was here?” Roxas asked, looking over at Riku with a smile. “He made such a silly mistake when he brought those muffins over. He put salt in them instead of sugar.”
The breeze tousled Riku’s hair, silver strands brushing along his nose and cheeks.
“That’s why the trash was full of muffins in case you were wondering,” Roxas explained, scooting closer to Riku as the breeze carried an early morning chill. “Don’t worry, I waited until he left to toss them out. I know how he gets about his cooking.”
As Roxas pressed closer, Riku didn’t shirk away. He sat contently, blinking as the sun’s rays graced the ocean’s waters.
Roxas kept going. “I talked to Xion, too, the other day…”
They stayed like that, basking in the morning light, watching the cycle unfold in front of them with weary souls but determined hearts. As the hours stretched on and Roxas’ coffee mug gradually emptied, Riku calmly leaned his head against Roxas’.
That… Roxas understood most of all.