Chapter Text
jihyo,
do you know me? shit, of course you do. you were the only one to greet me with a smile on my first day at work. you’re the only one who still says “hi” to me every morning without fail. you’re the only one who actually cares, at least as far as i can see.
well, it’s me. mina. mina myoui. we work together. well, not together together, but at the same company. we work on the same floor, i work in the planning department, and you’re in accounting. but you probably know that, right? sorry, i’m messing everything up.
jihyo twisted her engagement ring around her finger, smiling gently across the table at the two women. maybe it was a mistake to hire mina. but at the same time, it felt right when she had done it. because after all, who best to design her dream restaurant then her (former) dream girl. and she was ok with it. and daniel was ok with it.
they had discussed it, and at first, jihyo had expected yelling, screaming even. maybe even a little bit of crying. definitely more than a, “whatever you want, babe.” to which jihyo had responded with a,
“you know she’s my ex, right?” because jihyo was confused. actually, more than confused, she was worried her fiance had memory loss or a concussion or something because who wouldn’t be worried about a former ex-girlfriend-near-fiancee.
“yeah, i know.” daniel barely looked up from his book, “and you’re my fiancee. i trust you. i love you.” which is how jihyo knew that daniel was the one, so she called up a friend’s mom’s uncle’s coworker’s babysitter who knew someone who worked with mina, and hired them.
but now, confronted with mina, actually, in person, in the flesh, she felt things happening that definitely shouldn’t have been happening. like butterflies. like fireworks. like hearts, skipping beats. very abnormal, and very very not cool.
truthfully, jihyo wasn’t sure if she would have felt better or worse with daniel by her side, because now, she had an unmistakable flush on her cheeks, and it was from nothing more than a brush of the fingers. a stupid, casual, dumb, unintentional brush of the fingers. barely even a touch, really.
and at that moment, jihyo recalled words she had written nearly five years ago. “if you asked me… if i still loved you, my answer would always be “yes.”” and looking at mina, across the table, her hair tucked behind her ear and her tongue poking out between her teeth in concentration, jihyo couldn’t find it in herself to deny it.
but yes, onto the subject of this email. i’m sending it from some wack job site that one of my friends sent me, so hopefully this works out. but i’m setting a deadline for myself. i just think it helps motivate me if i do it this way, so i’ll get on with it.
since the day i met you, i liked you. i won’t say i love you, yet, because to be completely honest, i don’t think i know what love is. but i do know that you make me feel happy and nervous and scared and secure and worth it all at the same time, so you must be doing something right.... right?
within a week of working together, jihyo got scared. because it felt too familiar. it felt too much like everything she had imagined when they were still together. mina smiling back at her, poring over blueprints and calling her at 9 in the morning to ask some mundane question about beams and pillars and ceilings.
and it scared her because just like before, she had been pulled in by mina and her sweet smile. and yeah, it had been some of the best years of her life, and she was better for it, but after their break up, jihyo had been broken.
most nights she could barely sleep, and she barely ate. her mom flew over in a hurry, worried that her daughter was wasting away. because she was. at the time, jihyo had seen no future without mina. it took a month of coaxing and a lot of time in her mom’s arms for her to realize that she had to get up eventually.
but it was the thought of getting together with mina that had really driven jihyo to get back up and get back to work. the restaurant could only take so many days without her, and the owners had already been quite generous with the time she had spent off crying into her pillow.
so at the time, jihyo had written one of those stupid “letter later”s that mina had been so obsessed with before. set a deadline for herself or whatever, and writing that little email to mina, to be sent in five years or so, just meant it was a little more concrete.
and for a long, long time, jihyo hadn’t loved again. because there was only one person in her heart. but daniel had found her, and loved her without wanting anything in return. and he had been her friend and her confidante, and they kind of just fell into it. love, that is.
but that was comfortable, and it made jihyo feel safe, but what she felt when she was around mina again was explosive. it was c-4 and daniel was a nerf gun. and when she closed her eyes, jihyo saw how easy it would be to fall back into fighting with and loving mina again.
and when she saw mina every single day, her eyes twinkling with something less than professionalism, it made jihyo want to fall back into it. it made her want to be unsafe again. it made her want to love like crazy again.
so i’ve promised myself this- if i don’t talk to you, normally, like in a normal conversation by a certain date, this email will be sent to you, and you’ll know all about my stupid little crush on you. so hopefully, i ball up and actually talk to you because the alternative would be horrifying to even think about.
like if you decided to show all your friends the email, or if you called hr on me, or if you didn’t like me back. actually, now that i think about it, maybe this isn’t the best idea.
so when mina backed her up against the wall of her prospective restaurant, jihyo let herself be cornered. and she let herself be caught up in the moment. and she let her eyes flutter closed, and she let herself kiss back.
but then she pulled away. because as much as she loved mina, she loved daniel now. because he was safe and he was protection and he was home. and she couldn’t bear to be broken again. so she pulled away and she pushed away.
“isn’t this what you wanted?” mina asked, her confusion and hurt evident in her voice.
“mina, i’m engaged…”
“then why did you hire me? then why do you look at me the way you do? then why did you send me that stupid email five years after we had broken up?” mina teared up, her voice getting higher and more frantic with each question, “why did you kiss me back?”
“i’m-” jihyo wiped her eyes, “i don’t know! i’m confused.” mina coiled back, jihyo’s answer obviously not the one she was looking for.
“mina…” jihyo took a few calming breaths, “i love you.” mina looked at her, hopefully, “but i love daniel too, and he was the one who helped fix me when you broke me. and honestly, i don’t think i could ever love you as wholly as i did before.” she took mina’s hand in hers.
“who we were before, isn’t who we are now. and the me now, wanted you to design my dream restaurant because i trust you. i trust your abilities, because i know you’re going to be the best architect in asia. period.
but we aren’t meant for each other. you know that, right? the me five years ago wouldn’t have, and that’s why i wrote that stupid email, and i’m sorry for confusing you like that, but i meant every word. you’ve always inspired me. and i’ll always love you. just… not in the way that you need.”
mina rested her head on jihyo’s shoulder, “i know. i’m sorry.” jihyo smiled wistfully, “i’m glad you’re happy.”
“i want you to be happy too.”
“i will be.”
but, dahyun is watching me right now, and she’s kind of crazy about this whole website thing, so i’ll press send for now, and then delete it later or something, but yeah, i like you. please like me back, or at the very least, pretend that you’ve never seen this because that would be so embarrassing.
but most of all, thanks for being kind when you didn’t have to be. if we, this thing, whatever, doesn’t work out, i really hope that whatever happens, you find happiness, because you deserve it. thanks for being such a great senior.
mina