Chapter Text
When fate gives you a chance, you take it, You don't ask questions.You don't ponder on what could be. You only think of what is.
The past – Summer Camp
Day 1 - Monday
“So, who wants to volunteer?”
Shoma knew he wasn’t much of a morning person, to be honest, he wasn’t much of an awake person, to begin with.
He’d rather be asleep half of the time, especially if he came by a horizontal surface, but seriously, how did everyone on the damn club manage to sound so cheery at such ungodly hours? Tessa and Scott weren’t even part of the club, but God did they seem forever high on happiness.
From what he had gathered (and that hadn’t been a lot until now) this was supposed to be the first day of the two-week-long TCC’s Summer Camp, and even though he had been around for less than three days, he wished he could go back to Japan and enjoy his very-much-earned vacations.
But no, I had to play the hero.
Fuck me.
He looked to his right side, and as expected, Yuzuru looked bored as ever and paying no mind to the whole thing. Well, Shoma himself didn’t know how he ended up taking the dance class along with him and Javier, but after his sudden change of mind about the club’s invitation he didn’t dare to refuse Brian or Tracy’s requests.
If they asked him to dance in front of a bunch of brats, Shoma Uno would try.
And then jump off a bridge.
At least Yuzuru hadn’t bothered with questioning him anymore, but he definitely knew something was up. His teammate might not be the sharpest tool in the shed in most occasions, but sometimes he could be quite intuitive.
“Missed me?”
“What are you doing here?”
Shoma snorted and pushed Yuzuru away from him, he looked over at Javier and saw how he tried to hide a scowl.
He had definitely interrupted something.
“Summer Camp.”
Yuzuru narrowed his eyes at him, “Why?”
He knew it was weird of him to just show up like this when he had vehemently refused the invitation, yet he had no time to lose and thankfully Brian and Tracy hadn’t made any questions regarding his change of mind.
“What? Do you have some Japanese quota per Summer Camp?”
From the corner of his eye, he could spot Javier walking away from them, his shoulders slumped forward, he had probably given up on understanding the words exchanged between. The sight was a bit sad to behold, but there would be time for them to talk later.
“You came all the way from Japan for the Summer Camp?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Shoma could predict an incoming tantrum so he just tried to cut it short .
“Oh fine, coach told me that something new would be good for me .”
“The club invites you every year.”
“I’m feeling adventurous.”
Surprisingly Yuzuru just shrugged and whispered, “You’re hiding something.”
Aren’t we all?
“Hey, where did Javier go?”
Yuzuru instantly turned around, his rink-mate had simply vanished.
“Fuck.”
That had been on Thursday, the day he arrived at the club. After his arrival, everyone had been ready to fill him in about everything he had missed. It wasn’t that hard: four days of rehearsals and one week of camp. Since the week was almost over, on Friday he had tried to keep up with the schedules and the tasks assigned to each skater.
Jason was already there when he got to the club that morning and couldn’t help but smile as the puppy-like human ran to hug him all the way from across the rink. It felt nice to be missed by someone else that his idiotic best friend.
He noticed how Jason’s Japanese had improved significantly, Shoma had been impressed and made a point of telling him how proud he was of it. That earned him another hug and a few squeals from the tall skater. He figured some warms hugs wouldn’t kill him.
Cute.
By lunch, Yuzuru had invited him over his apartment and made sure he told Shoma about every single time Jason had asked about him. Apparently he had found out he had been invited, somehow.
Trust Jason to get info on the black market of figure skating.
Jason Brown and Team Japan could be scary as hell when put together. Shoma believed that the need to gossip had been the real reason behind Jason’s sudden need to learn Japanese.
It made absolute sense.
The last day of rehearsals had been quite uneventful for him but had definitely given him a reason to stay and finish his mission.
Everything had been going well until by the afternoon Shoma just decided to watch Yuzuru and Javier’s rehearsal for their joint program. He knew the situation between them was tense, but to watch a whole practice session with two mute skaters was unnerving and made Shoma’s blood boil.
Shae-Lynn had looked very close to either tears or just ripping her long blonde hair out of her head.
The tension between the two had been palpable and Shoma, now noticing the small details, could easily spot how Javier winced at every fall of Yuzuru’s and how he clenched his fists and walked away as if trying to stop himself from picking Yuzuru up.
Meanwhile, Yuzuru had looked miserable through it all and ready to give up on life. Every once the drama queen that he was. In Shoma’s mind, this was just ridiculous and pathetic.
They literally just needed to talk.
How hard could that be?
“Yuzuru if you keep that up, kids are going to feel like this is some mourning ritual instead of a performance.”
“It’s not my fault! I tell Javi that our spins not match and he just ignores me!”
Shoma looked at Javi and shook his head.
He knew his friend could be dumb, but the current world champion wasn’t making it any easier.
So as the saint that he was, he tried to talk some reason into Yuzuru after the session, on their way home. He had been around for only a day and couldn’t wait for the weekend to come.
“Have you tried actually talking? Like not skating related shit?”
“Maybe that’s our problem, we talked too much.”
They talked too much and yet said nothing. That was their problem in the end.
After that, Shoma had made up his mind. If the two didn’t dare to clear things up, then he would give them a hand.
And forget my own pain.
Shoma pushed these thoughts to the back of his brain, they had plagued his mind since he had left Japan. Still, he couldn’t afford to be selfish like that. He would give them a chance to figure things out, whatever happened after that, wouldn’t be his responsibility.
There was still a chance that perhaps all of this wouldn’t go as expected, and he was ready to play the best friend part, yet again, and lend Yuzuru a shoulder to cry on.
And maybe, just maybe, after Yuzuru had moved one he would-
No. He wouldn’t think about that. Above all else, Shoma needed to make sure the person he loved had a shot at happiness first.
Even if it wasn’t by his side.
“Anyone? It’s going to be fun I promise!”
Shoma looked up and remembered he was now in the middle of a classroom of sorts, on a freezing Monday morning, surrounded by children, all of them eager to see a famous skater try the amazing Tango choreography with one of the best ice dancers in the world. One thing none of them knew, was that every single skater in the room hated dancing with a passion. Dancing may be inherent to skating in a way, still didn’t make it less gross for any of them.
Except for Javier, maybe.
“We’ll show you how you must learn the real dance behind the performances before we can adapt the choreography to the ice, we must understand the roots of it all. We’re absolutely in love with this piece and hope to use it one day.”
Tessa’s voice became background noise and then he knew, he couldn’t let the opportunity go by.
This could get interesting.
“I think Yuzuru would love to try.”
His English sounded rusty and extremely soft to his ears like he was speaking in a completely different voice. But it had been enough, Yuzuru seemed to wake up from whatever daydream he was in and looked at Shoma with his typical betrayed chihuahua look, Shoma had to hold in his laughter.
Serves you right, if I have to put up with this shit, then so do you.
“I think it’s perfect”, Brian suggested from his spot by the door, Shoma hadn’t even seen him come in. He guessed that the opportunity of watching Yuzuru fall on his face was too good to pass on, even for his own coach, “you could really use some off-ice coordination.”
That was the moment when Shoma realized: he liked Brian.
The look on Yuzuru’s face was priceless and as he looked over to the rest of the class he could spot some children trying to hold in their laughter as well.
The Olympic Champion couldn’t suck at dancing, right?
Just you wait kids, just you wait.
Tessa seemed satisfied with the suggestion and clapped her hands to bring back everyone’s attention, “So Scott here will pair up with Yuzu-”
“I think it would be better if I tried instead.”
That was all it took for everyone to turn around and stare at Javier, as he quickly made his way to the front of the class and stood right beside Yuzuru.
What the fuck.
“Why?” Scott was clearly as amused as everyone else, and even though most people were clueless at the sudden outburst, the Canadian dancer seemed to know exactly what was going on. Still, that didn’t stop him from messing with Javier even more, the smirk on his lip a sign of blatant mockery.
He knows.
I take it back, I love these two.
“Because Yuzuru has no experience, and you should choose someone comfortable with the tango,” Javier explained as if it was obvious, Brian looked torn between calling out his bullshit and curious to know where he was going with all of this, “and I’m pretty sure I can keep up with Scott.”
The Spaniard didn’t look a bit interested at the prospect of dancing with the ice dancer, but Shoma guessed that the alternative seemed way worse to him.
“Plus, I’m Spanish.”
Shoma was absolutely on board with whatever plan Scott had devised for them, but this time he couldn’t help himself.
“What does that even mean?”
“You know, because it’s tango.”
“The tango’s originally from Argentina.”
“Well, he speaks Spanish…” Yuzuru added, apparently thinking that this was a good moment to intervene. Shoma looked back at him and tried his best to convey his feelings.
How stupid are you?
“And we don’t have anyone from Argentina.”
Did he fall on a quad axel and hit his head again?
“Actually I’m from Argentina.” A girl not older than sixteen raised her hand way from the back of the class.
“And you let your country be disgraced like that? What would your-”
“Ok! Children, time to move on!”
Tessa clapped her hands yet again and everyone went back to their initial positions, adults included. Yuzuru turned his puppy eyes to Scott, immediately tried to get away, “I’m very heavy and not small and light like Tessa.”
Flattery will get you nowhere, my friend. They know, and you are absolutely fucked.
Shoma put himself behind Yuzuru and on the tip of his toes, he nodded his head at Scott, who immediately got the point and pulled Yuzuru to him and into the center of the room. He thought he had managed to get by unnoticed but as soon as he looked to his side, Javier was looking back at him, his murderous expression obvious for everyone to see.
Do you have a problem, Javier? Better suck it up or share it with the class.
“I see tango dance before and I can’t-”
“Perfect then!”
Shoma pat himself on the back as he watched Scott slowly place his hand on Yuzuru’s back and after whispering something in his ear, it went slowly down to the curve of his impossible slim waist. The further his hand went, the tighter Javier’s fists became.
Scott’s hands were suddenly on his lower back, and Yuzuru had no idea what to do. The dancer was awfully close to him and once he felt his breath near his left ear all he wanted to do was just get away from it all. However, the hand on his back never went lower before he heard Scott whisper, “Someone is having a heart attack while I’m holding you.”
“What?”
Surely he didn’t mean…
“Don’t turn around but our Spanish friend over there is two seconds away from breaking my face so,” Yuzuru desperately wanted to turn around just to be sure, it made no sense whatsoever, “want to play a bit? Make him realize what he doesn’t have?”
Yuzuru should refuse, stop this childish nonsense and let someone else take his place. Spare himself the humiliation. Still, the possibility, the mere chance of what Scott had said being true…made him do something unthinkable. He had nothing to lose anyway, so why not put up a good show?
I hope you are watching, Javi.
Gathering whatever courage he had left, Yuzuru whispered back, “Tell me what to do.”
Jealousy
Will drive you mad
Roxanne
What was Shoma’s plan with all of this?
He knew exactly how Javier felt about his best friend, yet he seemed to have only one goal in mind: to torture him.
Was it fun for Shoma to watch Javi look away from the hands that snaked around a waist that he longed to hold in his own hands?
Was it some kind of revenge for something that he did?
Why did Shoma hate him so much?
Javier reminded himself that he had to breathe and look calm, they were surrounded by people. Which reminded him, as he looked back at Brian who stood by the door watching the scene unfold without stepping in again, was the coach planning this as well?
And if this was all part of some scheme, why was Shoma looking at everything else but Yuzuru?
Roxanne
You don't have to put on that red light
Walk the streets for money
You don't care if it's wrong or if it is right
Yuzuru had no idea what he was doing. He had never danced something like this in his life. Was he supposed to lead? Was he supposed to be lead?
He just resorted to letting Scott do the job. He knew exactly how to move himself and half drag Yuzuru with him.
Yuzuru was certain he looked like a child being shoved left and right, but he would be damned if he didn’t try his best, years of training would have to help him.
On a sharp turn, he felt himself being thrown forward and on instinct he forced himself to twirl around. He found it easy. Just like jumping. Yuzuru laughed at himself and wondered why he had been scared in the first place.
As he was pulled back into Scott’s arms, twirling him around till his chest bumped against the taller one’s rock-solid front, he couldn’t help but sneak a look around the room.
The children looked impressed, Shoma was looking down at the floor and Javi…looked like he wanted to kill Shoma?
Roxanne
You don't have to wear that dress tonight
Roxanne
You don't have to sell your body to the night
Yuzuru had obviously no idea what he was doing. Shoma could see how Scott whispered intimately on his ear the instructions for every step and how he should turn and stop.
Still, he had to give it to him. Yuzuru knew how to make a show out of everything, the tango was no exception. The way he pulled his leg up and around Scott’s hip was a bit too much in his opinion and for a moment Shoma decided to spare himself. It had begun as some sort of prank, then somehow the whole thing escalated to be a punishment.
In the end, he didn’t know exactly who it was for.
His eyes upon your face
His hand upon your hand
His lips caress your skin
It's more than I can stand
“I’ll drop you slowly now,” Scott whispered again, he had no idea what to expect but it certainly wasn’t this, “you’re doing great.”
He expected a shy and blushing Yuzuru in his arms. What he got was a smirking one, ready to do anything that he was told. Strong as he tried to look, he knew he was painfully nervous as he felt him tremble every time he dragged him to his chest or pulled his leg up to help him twirl around while Yuzuru’s hands found support on his shoulders.
Nonetheless, he could easily read the tension in the room, the children oblivious to it all, yet Javier’s burning eyes told a million stories.
Scott knew he died in every single one of them.
Time for the real fun.
Why does my heart cry?
Feelings I can't fight
You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me
And please, believe me when I say I love you.
Two dancers.
A body is dipped dangerously close to the floor.
A hand behind someone’s slender neck.
Two faces inching closer and closer.
A whisper.
Do you trust me?
A smirk.
Someone walks out of the door.
He doesn’t look back.
“You okay there?”
Mierda.
Javier was sure Shoma was having the time of his life with this, and he shouldn’t fall into one of his traps again. Yet, he needed to know. Desperately.
“Why are you here Shoma?”
“Summer Camp.”
“Cut the crap already!” He had enough, Javier was reaching his limit, “I know you are not here for any of this bullshit, so be honest for once.”
Tell me why you hate me so much.
Did you travel all the way from Japan just to torture me?
“I’ve always been honest, now you? That’s another story.”
What?
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Javier was getting more and more confused by the moment. His head was throbbing, he needed to breathe he needed…something. He hadn’t felt this kind of panic in years now. Seeing Shoma here again, messing with his head, was either going to drive him insane or make him give up everything.
“You know what, I’m starting to think my whole trip here was a waste of time.”
“For the last time, why are you here.” Javier knew he was shouting, he knew someone could hear them at any time, but he needed to know why, he needed to know something. “Are you here just to mess with me?”
“Watching Yuzu be in someone else’s arms really did the trick, huh?”
So he did it on purpose.
He did it to hurt him.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because I want to understand what the hell are you doing! You keep acting like seeing Yuzu with someone else that isn’t hurting your poor feelings, you fucking told me you had feelings for Yuzu and yet you do things that say exactly the opposite!”
What is he talking about?
“What are you talking about?”
“You got a freaking girlfriend! And that that- person hurt Yuzu!”
Really?
Shoma had been one of the first to know about his feelings, he had come clean to him.
He had trusted him and Shoma had encouraged him to confess.
Javier walked toward Shoma and he felt his hands aching to just grab the collar of his tracksuit and pin him against a wall, “And what does it matter to you? You knew how I felt, you encouraged me to confess to him and yet you knew perfectly well that Yuzu-”
“Hey, is everything okay here?”
Both men stopped dead on their tracks and Shoma almost stumbled backward as a tall figure stood between him and the Spaniard.
“We’re fine,” Javier said, his tone reassuring and a smile back on his face, now looking at Jason, he couldn’t believe how close he had come to actually touch Shoma.
“Okay…” Jason looked at Shoma somewhat torn between intervening or dragging the smaller away, but still decided to just stay out of it, “I’ll be just around the corner in case you need me.”
He didn’t specify who, but the message was clear.
“So, what was all that about?”
“Wish I knew.” Shoma shrugged and kept walking towards the club’s cafeteria. After the whole mess, Jason had invited him for lunch and he couldn’t really say no. He was starving.
“I’ve never seen Javi so mad.”
“Well, he hates me for some reason-”
“And what does it matter to you? You knew how I felt, you encouraged me to confess to Yuzu and yet you knew perfectly well that Yuzu-”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Do you hate me that much?”
“Oh shit.”
“What?” Jason brought one of his hand up but stopped himself before cupping his face in his palms, instead, he held his hand in his large ones, “What happened?”
“I fucked up, I fucked up so bad.”
“Hey, don’t you think it’s time to grow a pair already?”
Javier almost jumped out of his skin.
“Shoma you need to stop doing that.”
“I’ll stop doing that when you do something about your puppy crush.”
“It’s not a puppy crush.” The way Javier’s eyes never left the figure of the skater doing lazy laps around the rink as a warm-up, told it all.
Shoma snorted, “You look like a puppy running around him though.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do?”
“Something?”
Shit.
He fucked up.
Javi was right, he had encouraged Javi to confess his feelings. More than once.
And according to Zhenya, Javi had listened to Yuzuru’s harsh words about him, while he and Satoko were inside.
Javi thought Shoma was getting a kick out of pushing him to talk to Yuzuru just to get rejected.
Oh shit.
All this time he had been so focused on how Javi had hurt his best friend, that he had neglected to see how they all had hurt Javi to some extent as well. It didn’t explain why he had gotten a girlfriend so quickly, so suddenly and without any previous signs but he figured that must have some explanation as well.
Why was nothing ever easy?
“I need to find him.”
“Yuzu just left for the locker-”
“Javi, I need to find Javi.”
I need to fix this.
“Did you see Javi around?”
“Shoma I swear to God you’re going to give me a heart attack one day.”
Shoma laughed and slapped the back of Yuzuru’s head, “That would be an accomplishment.”
“An accomplishment would be you stopping being creepy.”
“Can’t help it, I’m very light.” He gestured toward Yuzuru and pointed out, “plus I don’t have a mess of limbs to coordinate.”
Yuzuru didn’t find the joke as funny and threw his dirty towel at him. Shoma wondered if things would ever go back to being like this.
Easy.
“I need you to meet me here in like thirty minutes, okay?”
“I’m hungry, why do I have to-”
“You can grab a sandwich, you can starve, I don’t really care. You just need to be here in half an hour.” Yuzuru gulped but didn’t interrupt him again, “Do you understand?”
His friend nodded, half scared half expecting and he took his leave.
There was someone else he needed to talk to.
“Saw him going out to the lobby.”
“Thank you.”
And true to Jason’s words, he found him almost leaving through the glass doors of the lobby’s exit. The receptionist didn’t bother asking any questions as to why there was a Japanese guy running around and out of breath trying to reach one of the club’s skaters.
“Javi wait!”
Javier did stop on his track but as soon as he turned around and recognized who had called for him, he just kept walking.
Shoma couldn’t give up now.
“Zhenya told me that you listened to Yuzu saying some things that day. That’s what you’re talking about right? When you say that I knew how Yuzu-”
“Stop this.” Shoma could only stare at his turned back, but he had to keep trying. Now he understood some part of it. He just needed to fix the rest of the puzzle and make sure Javi saw the solution as well.
“Javi I swear I only want to talk-”
“Are you going to tell me why you are here?” Javi was giving him a chance, he had to take it.
“Yes, I swear.” Shoma knew he sounded desperate but choice did he have? "I swear on my family's life that I will try and answer everything I can."
Javi seemed to think for some long and painful minutes, before talking again.
“Then let’s go somewhere private.”
“It was pretty clear for me, you know.”
They were sitting in one of the rooms overlooking the rink. Apparently skaters had some kind of right to get these kinds of private lounges for themselves, should they be in need of one. Either for media purposes or other personal meetings.
Shoma would have appreciated the view if he didn’t have a freaking soap opera playing out all around him.
“Fuck my life, fuck all of this…” Shoma rubbed his face and tried to make sense of the whole story. Everything that Evgenia had told him at the airport checked out in the end, Javi had been goaded into making a move both by Zhenya and himself only to end up listening to Yuzuru saying some nonsense to Zhenya through the door, “This is a fucking mess.”
Javier seemed to have lost any will to fight him again and just let his weight drop against the wall on his side. It wasn’t the posture of someone who had been messing around with another human being’s feelings it was a posture of a defeated man that had nothing left to lose.
Still, Shoma felt the need to clarify some pending questions, "I’ll answer your questions but, you said that you loved Yuzu, yet, you began dating Miki a few days after. If you moved on that fast…”
“Miki and I never really dated.”
What the hell…
“I’m sorry what?”
“Miki and I…we were in a tough spot after someone threatened to expose us on social media. It looked bad Shoma,” Oh he knew how people were capable of twisting anything for profit, “It would have been a mess, especially since people wanted desperately to find out who Hima’s father was, I was desperate and asked Brian for help. He advised us to make things right and tell everyone we were in a relationship, even if later we would just suddenly break up.”
Shoma’s mind began to spin out of control.
This kind of shit doesn’t happen in real life.
His visit hadn’t been in vain after all.
“Why are you here Shoma?”
Yes, why am I here?
Because there was still one thing left for Yuzuru and Javier. Something that he had completely forsaken in order to make sure his best friend got his happy ending.
Hope.
“Have you ever heard the story about the majestic axel and the beautiful salchow?”
“No…” he answered him, feeling like this was so much more than a simple story. He was missing something important, Shoma didn’t look at him while he spoke, yet, he could see how hard the words seemed to flow from his mouth.
What’s going on?
“Well, not many people have, to be honest,” he pursed his lips tightly as if deciding if what to do, “if they had, some would say it’s a sad tale, maybe others would say it’s quite tragic.”
Javier was completely lost, but he didn’t dare interrupt him.
“I refuse to believe that.”
“I don’t-”
“One will always remember the brilliance of the axel and the beauty of the salchow, but most forget the lonely and sad cantilever.”
Axel? Salchow? Cantilever?
“Everyone says how amazing the cantilever is, but never quite…enough,” his eyes were now resting upon the figure still on the ice, skating aimlessly, “because it could never reach the other two. It’s never that important in a routine right?”
All this time…
“They are just in a different…plane, one the cantilever wishes it could belong to. But it never will.”
“I don’t understand-”
“There’s nothing to understand,” Shoma quickly wiped his eyes with his sleeves and tried to make himself composed, “What you need to do is to get to the locker room, find Yuzu, and ask him about that day at Worlds”
“Worlds? I know everything that I need to know, Shoma. At least now I know how he feels about me.” As if he could ever forget it, “But like I said before…I never understood why you kept pushing me to make a move, do you hate me that much?”
“I never hated you…envied? Perhaps.” Javi didn’t’ want to believe him, he wanted to be angry at him, at himself, someone yet he had never listened to such an honest plea in his life, “Please believe me when I say that when I encouraged you to tell your feelings to Yuzu, I meant you no harm, I only wished for you two to be happy.”
Then…?
“I never cared what it would cost me”
“Then why did you act like that through all the Fantasy tour?”
Why did you act as if you despised me?
“Because you had hurt Yuzuru and I couldn’t help it.” Shoma simply explained to him. yet, why had he hurt Yuzuru?
“What do you mean? I did nothing-”
“As I told you, we thought you had gotten a girlfriend after you just told me you were going to confess to him and Yuzuru was completely wrecked.”
“Why does he even care?” Javier asked.
“What Yuzu said at Worlds,” once again Shoma seemed troubled on what to reveal, and Javier felt like he was missing so much of the real story, “He didn’t have a choice”
“How?”
“He was threatened and I’ve already told you too much, this is not my business to tell,” Shoma seemed to make up his mind,” you need to find him and make him explain once and for all what happened that day.”
Despite his tear stricken face and voice, he still kept going, “What you decide afterward depends on you, but at least you will know the whole truth.”
Javier didn’t know what exactly the whole story was, or who had threatened Yuzu or what exactly Zhenya had tried to do that day. However, Shoma looked like he had just given up everything for him, and one thing was for sure, he was being given a chance.
He couldn’t waste it.
“Thank you, I will not forget this.”
Yet, the only thing Shoma yearned for, at that moment, was to forget.
Yuzuru looked down at his wristwatch.
12.30 pm
He was tired and starving, this whole morning had tired him out. Who would have thought that making someone jealous was that tiring?
As if.
Yuzuru laughed at himself and imagined Javi actually being bothered by the whole show he had put out. Instead, Javi had just left. He had been that boring.
At least the brats enjoyed it.
God, he needed to eat.
Where is that evil minion?
“Hey what’s wrong?” Shoma felt a hand petting his messy locks and looked up to find his tall puppy.
Since when do I call him mine…?
“Nothing, just a bad day.”
Jason frowned and sat down next to him on the floor. Shoma hadn’t moved from the lounge room, how on earth had Jason found him? Had he been searching for him?
“You should probably go home and get some rest.”
“Yeah, I’m on my way there.”
He wasn’t, but the suggestion made him think of a warm bed and a good piece of meat on his plate. And that was enough for him to just run back to his hotel room.
“Okay, I’ll walk you there, then.” Jason offered his hand and pulled him up effortlessly.
How can his hands be as warm as his hugs?
“There’s no need-”
“Shush, are you ready for tomorrow? I heard some crazy stories about acrobats coming over-”
“I’m leaving tomorrow.” Shoma felt awful for cutting him short, but he couldn’t let him build some expectations. As soon as he got to the hotel he would call his manager and ask her to book the earliest flights in the morning.
His job here was done.
"What Why?”
"There’s nothing here for me anymore."
"I see."
Jason didn’t dare to probe further, and in one hand Shoma was grateful for some silence. But something still nagged at him from the back of his head.
"You know Jason," the human puppy hummed, "how come you've been following me around for ages yet you never asked me out?"
His companion suddenly stopped walking and for a second he choked on air, he tried to cough to cover it up but Shoma knew better.
"What?"
"Oh please don't act so surprised, everyone and their mothers know about your crush on me," it was true, half of Team Japan already had a ship name for them and it was cute, not that he would admit it, ever, "I'm just curious, what's your plan with all of this?"
"There's no plan," Jason answered him.
"So, you just go after people randomly?" He didn’t understand why that though seemed to sting, so he just pressed forward, "Maybe you enjoy people talking about your puppy crush on me?"
"I just…would never dare to ask you out."
"What do you mean?"
Is this all a game to you?
"I just..." it was so rare to see the American skater so conflicted, Jason Brown was someone that he never pictured sad or tongue-tied, "I'm happy with being able to be near you whenever I can, even if you don't even think of me as a friend."
"So, basically you are too scared to ever make a move?" he teased, "I thought you were braver than that."
"There's no point in embarrassing myself when I already know the answer."
That made the younger pause.
Could I have been that obvious about Yuzu?
"We've never talked for more than 5 minutes at a time," he reasoned," how did you know for sure that I would have rejected you?"
"Shoma..." once again that sadness seemed to creep into his eyes and Shoma almost stopped him from answering, "You are too far away from me."
“What does that even mean?”
"I may be the friendliest guy you'll ever meet, I'm friends with almost everyone in the skating circuit, I know things about every skater in the senior level," noticing the younger's glare at the mention of his infamous gossiping tendencies he clarified, "I'm not going to deny my reputation, but, in the end, was I ever part of your world?"
"I don't-"
"The answer is no, you, Yuzu and Javi and many others are far away from my league, we are friends because I'm easy going and like to have a good time but I'm not like you. I would never dream that you would accept me when you could have anyone else."
Now that is just ridiculous.
"Listen to me, that's not true, people like you because of who you are, and if you think that you are not like us because of some morons like to take a dig at your skating, well let me tell you: you may not be jumping quads left and right but you are a brilliant skater nonetheless."
Now Shoma was pissed. Had someone ever told Jason that he was inferior in some way? Shoma wanted to scream, he wanted to kill whoever had that ball of sunshine suddenly doubt himself and his worth.
"How can you have these thoughts about yourself? Did any skater ever say something like this to you? I swear to God-"
"No, with time I just realized these things myself."
Oh Jason…
"Well you are wrong," Shoma stepped in front of him and made sure that he was listening to him, their difference in height looked absolutely hilarious.
"Thank you but…that wasn't the only reason I never made a move. I know when I'm fighting a losing battle, your heart always belonged to someone else."
Fuck.
"Wait you...knew?"
"Since the moment I met you two, I knew."
Shit, how embarrassing would it be, after Yuzu and Javi made up somehow? Would he be known everywhere as the best friend that got friend-zoned or something? What if his family finds out? What if-
“Relax I never told anyone.”
Shoma’s brain stopped itself from going into overdrive and started to breathe again, “I didn't know it was that obvious."
"It takes one broken heart to recognize another."
True.
"Another thing," today seemed a good day to put an end to all loose ends, "back then, at Fantasy on Ice, you told us about Javier and Miki, and how they were a couple at the time, why?"
"I just thought you should know."
"But that would only encourage me to go after Yuzuru if anything, knowing that Javier had moved on," he pondered, it was all so confusing," from your perspective you would gain nothing with this."
"I never expected to gain anything, Shoma," and in his eyes, he saw no lies, only the painful truth, "I just wanted you to be happy."
You fool.
"It's scary how both of us fucked up our lives because of others."
"If it wasn't so tragic, it would be quite hilarious."
Everything seemed so quiet that Javier started to think that perhaps Shoma had been messing with him after all. One last joke of sorts.
Or perhaps Yuzuru had already left?
This can’t be happening.
But, just as he was about to turn away from the locker room, he heard the familiar crack of the old lockers being thrown open.
He’s still here.
Breathing in and trying his best to stop the shaking, he pushed the door open and as expected, Yuzuru was now sitting by the wooden benches, drying his blades meticulously. Fully concentrated and paying no mind to him.
“You’re still here?” Javier asked, trying to not scare the life out of him as he approached him slowly.
“Yes, Shoma told me to wait.”
“Yeah, he wanted us to talk.” Javier took a deep breath and sat down next to Yuzuru, he knew he shouldn’t do it, but still, he grabbed the hand of his rink mate of four years, his rival, his friend, and probably the only man he would ever love. Yuzuru’s gasp didn’t go unnoticed but he made no move to take his hand back, so Javier said the words that would probably change everything. They had been through enough misunderstandings, bad luck, and hidden agendas.
After this, there would be no more hiding, no more lies. They could lose each other.
Or maybe not, and Javi was willing to ruin himself for that small hope.
“I think we need to talk.” This was it. “About what you said at Worlds."