Chapter Text
The pair remained cuddled upon the couch, putting on a random TV crime drama when Cosmos ended. Before long both were half sleep, only awakened when Steve’s phone went off.
“Shit,” he groaned rubbing his eyes and blinking the soft-lit world back into focus.
“What is it?” Bucky frowned brain addled by sleep.
“‘M phone, where’s my phone?” Steve yawned sitting up slightly jostling Bucky.
Bucky traced the sound to the phone that had fallen between the cushions and passed it up to him, flopping back onto Steve’s chest once he’d done so.
“Hello?” Steve asked his voice a little scratchy from sleep.
“Hey doll, how’s the date going?” Peggy asked.
“Great, we took a nap.”
“A nap?” Peggy yelped making him wince.
“Yea we watched Cosmos and then uh,” he squinted at the TV, “The Closer, sort of passed out at some point.”
“Damn it Steve.”
“What’d I do?”
“No offense but you are too innocent for your own good sometimes.”
“And you are vulgar,” he shot back finally catching on to her meaning.
“Yea well you can chastise me later, you need to get your ass home it's a school night.”
“What time is it?”
“Just past eleven. I waited until last minute hoping you were up to something fun with Bucky, guess I was wrong.”
“Who says you is wrong?” he answered smiling down as he played with Bucky’s hair getting a low hum from the man in response.
He could hear her grin, “Oh we are definitely talking tomorrow. But you need to get home first, the 7 stops running within an hour.”
“Shit, ok I’m leaving I’ll let you know when I’m back.”
“Ok, be safe,” Peggy called before he ended the call.
Steve sighed flopping back and frowning at the ceiling. He really didn’t want to leave, the weight of Bucky on top of him was nice and comforting and he wished he could just sleep here. But Peggy was right, as always, and he did have class tomorrow.
“Bucky?” he called softly.
“Hmm?” the man answered.
“I have to go.”
“Are you sure?” he mumbled into his chest.
“Yea I have school tomorrow and it’s already late.”
“How late?”
“Eleven.”
“Damn it,” Bucky nuzzled closer to him for a second then with a unhappy little groan sat up and carefully climbed off of Steve. “You are one awesome pillow,” he mumbled yawning and running a hand through his hair.
“And you’re not a bad blanket.”
Bucky smiled blearily and yep, another thing to add to the list that made Steve heart skip a few beats. He secretly wished to see that smile more often, to wake up and be greeted by that always. Steve sighed smiling lovingly over at the man.
After a minute of silent smiling and staring Bucky asked softly “I thought you said you had to go,” a grin tugging ups the corner of his lips.
“I do,” he sighed, “I don’t want to though.”
“Maybe you can stay another time.”
“Yea maybe.”
Grinning fully Bucky slid off the couch stretching with a groan. With a sigh he looked back at Steve holding out his hand, “come on, I’ll walk you to the station.”
“You don’t need to, just go to bed,” Steve said.
“I want to, now come on before Peggy gets angry at me,” he ordered.
Steve took his hand standing and doing a stretch as well, some of his joints protesting to the slightly odd position he’d dozed off in. grabbing his discarded shirt he buttoned it back on and stepped into his shoes. He took Bucky’s offered hand once more and they left, wandering slowly through the dark streets.
“So when are you free next?” Steve asked.
“I’m not sure I don’t get my schedule until tomorrow.”
“Ok well let me know.”
“So you’re sure about this?”
“About what? Seeing you again?”
“Yea I mean, you handled my uh… freak out well but, that’s not the last of them. I told you before I’m a mess, and its not cute.”
“And I told you I don’t care,” Steve said giving his hand a comforting squeeze and bumping their shoulders. “I like you Bucky, and I think you are worth all the freak outs in the world. And hey, maybe I can help you sort out some of your mess.”
“Are you sure?”
“You don’t need to keep asking, yes, I am positive,” Steve smiled kindly with a little eye roll.
“Ok, well, I just needed to check. Basically no one can handle me and my illness, my family can’t that’s for sure.”
“And your friends?”
“They get it but,” he shrugged awkwardly, “they’ve got their own issues. We don’t talk about it much, easier to throw back some beers and try to laugh it off.”
“Well you can tell me anything. So try to calm down, I’m not going anywhere, at least not metaphorically,” he added with a little grin upon spotting the subway sign.
Steve watched Bucky who tried to smile but he could clearly see the pained look in his eyes. “Thank you, I’m sorry for all the apprehension and self consciousness but life has sort of taught me that everything I care for will leave me or be taken.”
“Then maybe I’m supposed to teach you otherwise.” Bucky’s expression softened some as they came to a stop at the top of the steps. “So you’ll let me know?”
“Yes as soon as I hear.”
“Ok, then goodnight,” Steve leaned down for one last sweet kiss.
“Goodnight,” Bucky murmured as he pulled away, letting their hands drop with some hesitation.
“Go to bed,” Steve ordered as he trotted down the steps, “you need it.”
“You too college kid, and be safe!”
“Yes sir,” Steve turned to salute before disappearing into the underground tunnels to the subway.
-
Bucky found that with each successive date his anxieties ebbed some. On some nights he still panicked but Steve was like the calm center of the universe: pulling him in to a secure embrace and waiting with him until he calmed. It took some time but he managed to finally get his shirt off after their eleventh date a few weeks later.
He sat on his bed twiddling and twisting his nervous fingers and looking anywhere but at Steve or his arm. He had already hurriedly stripped off his t-shirt and sat waiting try to push back the fear. Steve knelt before him reaching out to delicately trace his fingers up his arm, stopping just before where it met with skin. His other hand covered Bucky’s and he asked, “May I?”
Bucky took a shuddering breath and nodded closing his eyes. There was a long pause and then he felt Steve’s fingers ghosting over his skin and scar tissue. He let out an involuntary hiss and squeezed his eyes tighter.
The hands moved then, sliding up from his shoulder to his face along with the other leaving his hands to cup his face ever so gently. “Bucky,” Steve said in a soft whisper.
Slowly he opened his eyes finding Steve mere inches away. “You don’t have to be ashamed,” he paused face lighting up with a smile, “you are beautiful.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“I’m an honest man, remember?”
“Its awful.”
“It’s a part of you so to me it is beautiful.” Steve leaned in kissing his forehead. “Every one of your supposed imperfections just makes you all the more perfect to me. I like your scars, and your arm, and your smile, and the way you chew your lip when you are nervous,” he added reminding Bucky to stop chewing his lips, something he hadn’t realized he was doing make Steve’s smile twitch a fraction bright. “I can deal with your anxiety and depression and anything else you throw at me, including a few odd scars. Besides, the scars are proof you are alive. The prove you fought and survived the ugliest parts of life and came out alive and oh so beautiful.”
Bucky blushed at the gush of kind words, spoken soften and lovingly just like the grip on his face. “You, you are a saint you know that?” Bucky managed after a moment voice cracking with emotion.
“No I’m just a boy, who sees you, the real you.”
“You, just, fuck,” Bucky cursed unable to find the words. So instead he leaned forward to express what he could not say through a desperate, but loving kiss.
-
Steve hadn’t meant to say it, not that he didn’t mean it, it’d just sort of come out.
They had been together for four months, going on five. Steve was spending his summer working a part time job and staying most nights in Bucky’s bed where he was now perfectly welcome and at home.
They were sitting on Bucky’s couch, their legs tangled as they munched on cereal and watched one of those trashy TV shows about dramatic socialites. He looked over watching as Bucky ate, short hair ruffled from sleep and looking the vision of mussed perfection to him.
He couldn’t help himself and blurted suddenly, “I love you.”
Bucky looked over and for a long moment they both sat in shock. Steve was surprised at having actually voiced the words and Bucky from hearing them.
“I uh love you too,” Bucky smiled back finally.
“Yea?” he asked voice a little high and nervous.
“Yea,” he nodded.
“That’s, that’s great,” Steve replied unsure of what else to say. His brain was still processing what had been said so it was all he could come up with.
“Not neat?” Bucky grinned playfully.
Steve gave him a light kick, “just ‘cause I love you doesn’t mean you aren’t an idiot.”
“But I’m yours.”
“You are such a ridiculous romantic you know that?” Steve said putting his bowl aside, Bucky doing the same.
“Coming from the man who just confessed his love over cereal? I don’t think you are exactly an expert on romance.”
“Would you please cut the sass and just kiss me already?” Steve tried to frown but his delighted smile won out.
Shaking his head with a light chuckle Bucky climbed over his long legs and fell atop him for a sweet kiss, both grinning stupidly into it.
-
It was just over a year since their first date, approaching a year and a half since their first conversation when they made the change. Instead of their weekly vlog updates, Bucky and Steve’s viewers were sent a link to a new channel: Summer Stucky. There was only one video posted of both of them crowded in front of the camera grinning brightly.
“Hey all you Winter’s Children,” Bucky waved.
“And hello to all my faithful followers,” Steve added. “As you may have noticed this is a whole new channel, run by the both of us,” he said gesturing between them. “We won’t be updating our previous blogs so if you want to see more from us then please subscribe here.”
“Don’t worry though, you’ll still be getting much of the same content,” Bucky added in. “we’ll dedicate a section each to our own interests: fashion for me and art for Steve. There will also be a combined portion that will change depending on the week. We might debate each other, discuss a movie, really whatever is important to us or to you that week”
“For this week though we are doing a simple introduction video because we’re a bit busy at the moment,” Steve grinned over at Bucky. Bucky grinned back before returning his gaze to the camera. “Today is our first day in our new apartment together. So to all of you who already guess yes, its official, we’re together, one year lease and everything,” he explained.
“So to honor the occasion we’ve got a bottle of champagne,” Steve held it up, “and are going to take a crack at the Boyfriend Tag thing.”
“Ok so first question,” Bucky said clearing his throat while Steve poured them each a glass of champagne. “Where did we meet? Does online count?” he asked.
“Maybe, so technically right here on YouTube, but actually we met at The Hub in Brooklyn.”
“Its also where we had our anniversary, thankfully this time with no coffee spills,” Bucky added with a grin.
“Ok next question,” Steve said taking a sip of his drink first. “Where was our first date?”
“At that diner by your school on band night,” Bucky smiled fondly.
“The Hurricane Café,” Steve added. “Ok so next question: what was your first impression of me?”
“Basically that you are an adorable sweetheart, and when I saw you in person that you were a beefcake and totally out of my league.”
“I’m not out of your league,” Steve snorted shaking his head.
“Like hell you aren’t,” Bucky said shaking his head and taking a sip.
“Well my first impression of you was that you the most handsome guy I’d ever seen and also one of the kindest,” Steve shot back.
“Also insane, so next question is when did you meet my family?”
“Well I met Nat, your sister, on our second date and the rest of your family… about two months ago?”
“And what a shit show that was,” Bucky shivered at the memory. “You guys don’t know this but my family is awful: they’re kind of bigoted, conservative, and just generally not nice.”
“Except for Natasha who is both terrifying and brilliant.”
“Yes and she is also to thank for getting us together so cheers to you Nat,” Bucky toasted to the screen. “And I met your mom after maybe a month of dating?”
“Yea I think around then. She loves you by the way, just wanted to fatten you up on pasta and give you extra cuddles.”
“She really is amazing. I think she figured out my family isn’t the greatest so she’s taken it upon herself to fill in the gaps. I’ve basically been adopted at this point,” Bucky grinned softly.
“Yea she’s amazing.”
“Completely. Ok so uh next question is what is a weird habit that the other does.”
“Does putting ridiculous amounts of sugar and creamer in coffee count?”
“No I don’t think that’s weird enough.”
“Ok then… oh you have the cleanest room ever and need to have the fridge organized just so,” Steve chuckled.
“A clean room is not weird.”
“It is, he has to have his bed made, clothes put away, its really kind of sweet and very helpful,” Steve told their viewers with a smirk.
“Yea well your weird habit is the way you sit when you’re sketching. I think I’ve posted a picture to Instagram but he curls into the strangest position, sometimes it looks painful,” Bucky chuckled.
“Ok I will give you that one.”
“Ha see? Ok next how long have we been together?”
“A year as of… a month and a half ago I guess,” Bucky shrugged.
“And an animal that resembles the other?” Steve said a wicked grin spreading over his face while Bucky rolled his eyes. “Bear, a big fluffy cuddly bear,” he chuckled, “I call him Bucky Bear.”
“God,” Bucky groaned flushing pink. “Well I call Steve a puppy, he’s a little golden retriever and can put on the saddest puppy eyes when he wants something. Its adorable and awful, trust me you have to give in to those stupid eyes,” he frowned over.
“Sorry,” Steve leaned over to peck his cheek. They paused for another gulp of champagne each before Steve continued with the questions. “First road trip?”
“Uh to the beach I guess? We don’t really have cars and all,” Bucky shrugged.
“Then we’ll skip that, uh first thing you noticed about me?”
“Your smile.”
“Aw,” Steve cooed making Bucky blush, “I think maybe the same but in order to be different I guess your eyes or your shaggy hair?”
“Hmm good answer,” Bucky gave him a playful nudge. “Next one is what pisses you off? Ok easy answer you hate traffic and religious fanatics and bigots.”
“But don’t we all?”
“Yes but you really don’t like them.”
“Fine and you hate second amendment fanatics and when the coffee maker breaks. He is a snarling monster I swear.”
“You don’t mess with a man’s caffeine,” Bucky said in all seriousness.
“Especially not yours, so favorite feature of mine?”
“Besides your entire face?” Bucky teased this time managing to get Steve to blush. “I’m just gonna name a random part since I love all of you,” he smiled leaning over to kiss Steve’s ever reddening face, “so I dunno, your elbows.”
“My elbows?”
“Yes your adorable elbows,” Bucky chuckled taking his arm and pulling it up to kiss the joint.
“You are such a gooey romantic,” Steve mumbled.
“You love it.”
“I do so to follow your lead I’m going to say your knees, the right one specifically.”
“Oh the right one?”
“Yes the right so give it here,” Steve said making grabby hands. With a roll of his eyes Bucky put down his drink and shuffled around to stick his right leg into Steve’s waiting hands. Giving it a kiss they broke into laughter, Bucky giving him another little shove and kiss behind the ear.
“Ok, ok so what do we argue about most?”
“Actual arguments not debates?”
“Yea we debate all the time, but arguments?”
“You tried to break up with me a few times, that lead to arguments,” Steve pointed out making Bucky wince.
“And I admit I’m the luckiest idiot ever, thank you for putting up with me.”
“Yea its too late now, you’re mine.”
“I know and you’re mine too. There was also the time we started yelling about going to a protest. Which is something I don’t want to think about so… actually I’m going to skip some of these, neither of us PMS, and generally we prefer no one wear pants,” Bucky said glancing over the list.
“You are incorrigible,” Steve said.
“Yes, ok here we go: weird obsessions.”
“You and your trashy reality TV show.”
“Which I stand by, and you have Supernatural.”
“It’s a good show.”
“About which you are obsessed.”
“Whatever,” Steve rolled his eyes but with a smile. Looking back at the camera he read the next question, “nicknames? I think we already answered that.”
“Yes so how about… oh what size shoe do I wear?”
“You have weirdly dainty feet, I have no idea.”
“An eight and a half and don’t judge, you have huge feet gigantor,” Bucky shot back. “I’m going to guess like… ten?”
“Eleven and a half.”
“Ha not far off.”
“Lucky guess so what would one food would I eat forever?”
“Casserole, he’s always making casseroles.”
“Its all I know how to make that I like! And you would say your mom’s soup.”
“Its good soup.”
“I’m not disagreeing but its true.”
“Damn right it is, ok, ok oh what is my eye color?” Steve asked immediately turning away shielding his eyes.
Bucky paused before speaking with a wicked grin, “your eyes are the color of a brilliant spring day, and sometimes the deep blue of the ocean.”
Steve looked around gaping, “you… you, wow, all the points to you.”
“And me?” he asked shielding his own eyes.
“Uh the pale blue of dawn or um ice? I am way less poetic than you.”
“Its ok,” Bucky took his hand, “I like you speechless.”
“Shut up,” Steve blushed. “Who is my best friend?”
“Easy, Peggy.”
“And yours is Nat. something I do you wish I didn’t?”
“Spend too long in the studio and loose sleep, its not healthy. And for me?”
“Worrying too much over your arm, I’ve told you a hundred times and I’ll tell you a million more that you handsome as is. I wish you saw that too.”
“I’m working on it,” Bucky mumbled looking away awkwardly. Wordlessly Steve leaned over kiss beside his eye and giving his metal hand a squeeze.
“I think that’s most of the questions, at least the interesting ones,” Steve said to the camera while Bucky smiled weakly. “We’ll update next week and probably give a little tour of the apartment because Bucky has already begun complaining about my weird decorating,” he added with a bright grin. “Anyway thank you for watching, please hit subscribe and let us know what you think and if you have any ideas for future videos.”
“Finally though thank you all my former Winter’s Children and to Steve’s followers for watching. As always please know that I love you. From the bottom of my heart I love you no matter who, what, and where you are. Though technically I love this nerd most,” he added wrapping an arm around Steve’s neck pulling him against his chest.
With a shout of laughter Steve fumbled and ended the video. Still laughing Steve reached up pulling Bucky down for an awkwardly positioned kiss both still grinning and giggling like a pair of idiots. And they were a pair of idiots, a pair of ridiculously happy idiots madly in love. In the end wasn’t that the whole point? To find someone that could make you grin when they ate cereal or even when they spilled hot coffee all over you. The pair had managed to find just that. Whatever else life threw at them, they had each other. It might not be much but to them, it was enough. Love, it is enough (and sometimes its everything).