Chapter Text
Makoto didn’t try to contact Haru at all after that, which Haru was thankful for. Knowing Makoto, he probably wanted to call and make sure Haru was doing okay after all of that serious talk. Makoto hadn’t changed too much, after all.
Rin, however, had been texting and calling almost non-stop. Haru had looked at all of the texts, but had responded to none of them.
--Haru, how’d it go? Is everything okay?--
--Makoto says it’s your business to share, but that you looked exhausted. He said it would be best for him to leave you alone right now, though.--
--I can tell you’re reading these? Come on, Haru.--
--I know it’s not my business. I don’t really care what happened, I just want to know if you’re okay.--
--It’s been three days. Please, Haru? That’s a yes or no question. I don’t even need the full word. You okay? y/n?--
Haru pressed “y” before sending the message, realizing that Rin would eventually just show up if he ignored him too long. He had a lot of thinking to do, and had so far done none of it, preferring instead to drown his brain in mindless television. Every time Haru’s mind wandered to Makoto, he felt like he had when they had talked.. Exhausted.
Rin showed up anyway about half an hour later, holding up two containers of takeout as Haru opened the door. “I doubt you’ve had a good meal lately.”
“This is good?” Haru said, relieving Rin of one of the containers and opening it on his way to the kitchen. It was nothing he would have normally eaten, but he still appreciated the sentiment.
They ate silently, with Haru’s mind chanting “please don’t say anything” over and over the entire time, but Rin liked to talk and loved to know people’s business, so he knew it was only a matter of time.
The stare-down was the first sign. Rin put his chopsticks down, put his head in his hand and stared, opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish every few seconds.
Haru wasn’t in the mood. “What?”
Rin jolted in his seat, like he hadn’t realized what he was doing, and shrugged. “I won’t get involved if you don’t want me to, but it might help for you to think out loud?”
“Makoto told you everything, didn’t he.”
“Just that you have a lot on your plate. He really doesn’t want to bother you anymore. At least not until you’ve had some time--"
Haru finished the last few bites of his lunch. “Rin.”
Rin sighed. “Yeah. I pried it out of him, though,” Rin said, running a hand through his hair. “But he’s just worried about you. And since I told him I already knew... about you, he wanted my opinion, too.”
“And?”
“I don’t know,” he said, standing suddenly. “Let’s go for a swim.”
The beach nearest Haru’s apartment wasn’t the cleanest, nor was it really warm enough to swim, but they swam anyway. Or Haru did. Rin only lasted a few minutes in the frigid waters before wanting out, so he sat on the shore, towel around his shoulders, and watched Haru. He still looked shaken, but definitely better than he had the last time they talked.
Haru stopped on his own this time, trudging into the shallows after half an hour with his arms wrapped around himself. Rin handed him a towel as he sat down. “Better?” he asked.
Haru shrugged.
“Get anything figured out?”
Again, Haru shrugged, but his expression told Rin there was more coming. “I think I want to try…I know he gets it.”
“I’m feeling a ‘but’ there,” Rin said.
Haru was sifting sand through his fingers, and Rin swore if he shrugged again, he was going to rip Haru’s shoulders clean off. But haru didn’t do anything other than continue to sift the sand. Rin gave him time, watching the waves lap onto the shore and the birds diving into the water.
“I’m scared.” It had been so small, that Rin almost thought it was just the wind, but he looked at Haru and Haru was looking back at him with the most pained expression. “Rin, I’m so scared.”
Rin had never heard Haru sound so desperate. He didn’t quite know what to say, so he rambled. “It’s okay. It’s going to be strange for a bit, just because it’s been a while since you two have been that close. Just...it’s fine to be scared. Make sure you tell him, though, and talk about it. You can’t stay quiet, Haru. That doesn’t work.”
Haru nodded slowly, returning his gaze to the sand.
“I won’t tell you it’s all going to be great,” Rin said, and cleared his throat. He felt like he did when he gave Gou the dating talk. “All relationships require a lot of effort to stay strong, even mine and Ai’s, and sometimes they still fall apart. But you two have to put in extra, especially in the beginning, because of what’s gone down. Makoto’s had relationships before and you haven’t so-”
“I have.”
Rin raised an eyebrow, his mouth still open. “Well then. Just make sure to communicate, and you know you can always come to me for help and stuff,” he said, lowering his voice and blushing a little at the last part. Haru finally smiled just enough for Rin to know he would be fine.
Haru made the call as soon as Rin left him. He’d never felt so nervous, and it took what felt like a million years to get Makoto’s number up on the screen of his phone, and actually clicking on it took a million more.
Makoto picked up on the first ring. “Haru? Is everything okay?”
“Makoto. I...um...can you come over?”
“Yeah, I can be there in an hour or so, is that fine?”
“Yeah. See you.”
He had sounded distressed, Haru realized, and though he probably should have said something about why Makoto needed to come over. Off to a great start with communication, for sure.
This time, Makoto only paced for five minutes before ringing Haru’s buzzer. Haru took a little longer to open the door. He had taken a bath, slicked back his hair, messed it up again, and changed clothes five times, arriving at his window seconds before Makoto showed up. He waited an extra few seconds to get the door, to make it seem like he hadn’t been sitting right there.
They didn’t speak until after Makoto had taken off his shoes and entered the apartment.
“Tea?” Haru asked, already heading into the kitchen. Makoto grabbed his arm.
“Could you just…” He paused and let go with an uneasy smile. “Sorry, but if you’re going to let me down could you just do it? I was kind of expecting you to just say it over the phone.”
Haru shrugged. He was so much more comfortable at the table, protected behind his cup of tea. Standing up and having this talk didn’t feel right. “Makoto, let’s sit down and talk. Have some tea.” He was trying to project some more positive feelings, but he felt he wasn’t coming off that way at all. By the look on Makoto’s face, he was right.
“Haru…”
“Makoto, please.”
He nodded hesitantly, mostly because Haru pleading for anything was rare, and he still couldn’t say no after all this time. It wasn’t a big deal, anyway, just a little uncomfortable. It would be uncomfortable either way.
The air was thick around them as Haru stood at the counter making tea. He kept hearing Makoto’s breathing quicken, and his fingers would stop tapping every so often. Each time, he would expect Makoto to begin the conversation, but he never did. So Haru decided to.
“I’m sorry for dragging this out. I’m just...you know. Not the best at communicating,” Haru said, putting a steaming cup of tea in front of Makoto before sitting down with his own.
“Yeah.” Makoto smiled. “I know.”
Haru nodded. “So I guess I’ll just have to get better at it.”
Makoto shrugged. “Well, yeah, if you’re going to try and get a job or something--”
“I’ll have to get better,” Haru interrupted, “so we can have a good relationship.”
Haru waited the precious second before Makoto understood with a mixture of nerves and relief, but as soon as Makoto smiled--a real smile, one Haru hadn’t seen in a very long time--the relief washed away everything else. “You’re serious?”
“Of course. But we need to get to know each other again. And we have to listen to each other.”
Makoto nodded. “Yeah, definitely. We’ve missed a lot, haven’t we? I’m...I’m really excited to get to know you again, Haru.”
“I’m kind of scared, actually. And this is going to be so weird.”
“We can do it,” Makoto said, slowly wrapping his fingers around Haru’s hand, giving him time and space to move away if needed. “We’ll talk it out, and we'll make it work, yeah?”
Haru squeezed back, fully intertwining Makoto’s fingers with his own. Even only this much intimacy was almost overwhelming, at least for now, but they’d talk about boundaries. They’d take everything slow. There was absolutely no rush. In fact, time seemed to stop as they began to talk, each taking turns about various things that had happened over the years, and leaving almost nothing out.
Already, Haru saw himself picking up the pieces of himself that had broken down. It would take a while to rebuild, but so long as Makoto continued to understand--which would hopefully be forever--Haru could carry on without many of the things he’d had to worry about in the past, and it was a wonderful feeling.