Chapter Text
Snufkin wasn’t strong enough to walk very far, so moomin carried him down to the kitchen. A change of scenery, so snufkin could keep him company while he cooked.
“You didn’t have to…” he mumbled, red faced.
“You can use the air.” he pulled a blanket tighter around his shoulders, settling him in at the kitchen table. His fingers lingered on his friend’s face. Already there was more color than before, though his face was still thin and the dark smudges still under his eyes.
“Moomin? Oh there you are.” moomin snatched his paw away as snorkmaiden came in.
“Snorkmaiden, hi!” he said awkwardly. It felt weird, her suddenly here. Like he was caught doing something naughty. “I was about to start cooking.”
“You, cook? I didn’t know you could cook.” she hugged him as he stood there stiffly. He could feel snufkin’s eyes on him. “What are you making us?”
“Um…” his gaze slid over to snufkin, who was now staring at the table top. “I was going to try cabbage rolls.”
“Oooh, that sounds good. I’ll help you.”
He wasn’t sure what he’d been planning, or what it was supposed to be like. Just him and snufkin, cooking for snufkin like a… a… well he just wanted to cook for him to make him feel better. A special meal for him, just the two of them.
He made tea for snufkin first, both avoiding looking at the other.
It hurt snufkin more than he’d like to admit. Not that he had any claim on moomin, no reason to feel jealous. (but it hurt in his chest, that knot under his breast bone.) she would make a nice wife, give him many babies, keep a home for moomin, some day. More than- the knot throbbed, and he regretted coming downstairs. With something like this, he’d pack up and leave for a few days, until he could stop feeling- anything like this. bad. He rubbed at his chest, looking for the wine jug. It… wasn’t the best idea. Wasn’t even the smartest. But snorkmaiden was snuggling up to moomin and talking and snufkin wanted to scream at her or burst into tears. Neither was appropriate. So, option three. Drink to numb the feelings.
Snorkmaiden looked over her shoulder and smiled. His heart dropped to his stomach.
Moomin’s attention was focused on his cooking, he didn’t see snufkin pour himself a large glass of wine and get back to his seat.
Papa’s wine was heavy and sweet, it went down easy and warmed his belly. Everything loosened once the alcohol hit his system, even the knot. Why was he so upset?
Because… his gaze slipped over to where they were cooking, side by side.
Because… he wanted to be… where she was. Not standing by him at the stove, but that position, the girlfriend, the engaged. Beloved.
He’d be a terrible spouse. And he knew it, that was the awful part.
He drained the glass, considering more. No, one was enough for now. It was to take the edges off of things, not obliterate them. So he could be his cheerful self for everyone, so no one would worry anymore. Ol’snufkin was a loner after all, who needed nothing and no one. And certainly wasn’t pining like a romance novel heroine.
There was a gentle touch on his shoulder, moomin was holding a dish.
“It’ll take them a while to bake, I made you a snack.” he glanced at the wine glass and said nothing, settling down next to his friend. The thickened tomato sauce over a piece of soft bread, simple and warm.
“Are you okay? You look like you were thinking deep thoughts.”
“Us. I was thinking about us.” he admitted.
“Anything good?” he put his paw on snufkin’s hand, pulling away quickly when snorkmaiden sat down with them.
“Just the future.”
“Me too!” snorkmaiden hugged moomin’s arm. “I have our cottage alll planned out!”
Snufkin flinched, putting his bread down with only one bite taken out. She went on and on about paint color and curtains and the big wardrobe she’d have, his stomach twisting in knots. He must be getting sick again, to react like this. To be this upset about something he’d always know would happen.
“Snufkin, are you okay?”
“I don’t feel well. I’ll go back to bed.” he said softly.
“I’ll help. It’s alot of stairs.”
“No, I… just need to be by myself.” he ignored moomin’s protest as he limped to the stairs, using furniture and walls to help steady himself. The wine hadn’t helped him feel less weak.
He just couldn’t… it was impossible for them to be a couple, forever and all that. Moomin cared but not like that.
Was this what it felt like to be in love? It hurt worse than nearly dying. He’d get over it sooner or later, right?
...right?
He took the stairs slowly, legs feeling like water under him. He wasn’t going to ask for help, he could do this- his vision swam and everything got very far away for a moment- and moomin caught him.
“Snufkin?” it took a moment before things steadied, he could find his voice.
“‘M fine.” he still clung to moomin, panting into his shoulder.
“Come on, ol’silly thing.” he lifted him easily, carrying him up the rest of the stairs. “You should ask for help when you need it.”
“Moomin-” he started, as he was set down on the bed. “Maybe you should stay with snorkmaiden tonight. or I can go to a guest room…”
“What? No, your nightmares-”
“They should be better, right? Now that the curse is off.” he just had to have some distance, and he’d stop feeling like this, maybe.
“Don’t be silly, I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.” he took snufkin’s face in his paws, nuzzled his cheek. “You rest, I’ll bring up supper when it’s ready.”
He brought a tray up with their plates, relieved in a way. Just the two of them as he had planned. Snufkin looked tired or sick- maybe helping him down stairs had been too much activity. And snufkin never drank before dinner…
It was snorkmaiden, of course! All that talk of cottages and marriage.
He couldn’t help it, starting to giggle as he set out the plates for them.
“Moomin?”
“You’re jealous!” he covered his mouth as the laughter burbled out. “Oh thank the booble, you’re jealous! I thought you were getting sick again.”
“I’m not jealous.” he grumbled, looking down at his food. “I just…”
“Don’t like her hanging on me?”
“...yes.”
“You’re jealous.” he smiled, realizing something. “Snufkin, I think I’m in love with you.”
“What?” he turned red, pulling away. “You can’t be- I’m not-”
“And you’re jealous of snorkmaiden.”
“She… she’d make a better wife.”
“I don’t want a wife.” he smiled. “You silly thing, you love me too.”
“I…it hurts when you aren’t with me.” he admitted. “And it’s so much better when you’re here.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Now eat. And we’ll figure things out as they come.”