Chapter Text
“You have a decent technique, its almost there.” Cosima had been helping Delphine twice a week since their first training session. “The power is amazing, you just wanna’…” She ran up to the ball, the top left hand side of her right boot colliding gracefully with the stitching, just left of the centre, and swings round to drill the ball into the net. The accuracy of her shot causing the ball to nestle into the side of the net. “You know? Hit it with this.” She kneels in front of Delphine and prods the inside of her left boot, just at the start of her big toe. “It gives you more control.” Delphine pretend that she had been listening to Cosima speak, but with her head bobbing dangerously in between her legs she had only registered the prod on her foot. The smaller woman looks up at her, those hazel-eyes bright but with a hint of mischief. She always looked like she was in control of every situation. You would think that you had her where you wanted her, or that you’d stumped her, but no. Never. This woman was a sensation, as revelation, unlike anyone Delphine had met before. Cosima places her hand on the side of Delphine’s thigh to steady herself as she stood, and the movement trailed her fingers along Delphine’s porcelain skin. Her mouth apologized, but the glint in her eye flickered. Delphine tried to focus on the task at hand, tried to figure out what Cosima had been explaining to her when she was on her knees. Her left leg striking hard on the centre of the ball, muscles tensed and firm. She was showing off because she knew Cosima was in awe of her power. The ball soared across the box and hit the net close to the juncture between the side and the back. It was powerful and precise, but she that was without Helena, and she still felt she could do better. She picked up another ball and tried again, and again, and again. Delphine had always been driven. Always seeking perfection in what ever she did. Even in the lab. Once she knew what she wanted, she had to get it. She was pretty sure this side of her scared Cosima, but in the seconds between her foot hitting the ball and her shot not going quite where she wanted it, she had no time to worry about what other people thought. Finally, her shot ripped into the side of the net at a pace so quick it would sting the palms of any goalkeeper who dared to get close. Her fists clenched and she felt her frustration roll out of her.
She looked over to Cosima smiling, hoping to see the smaller girl replicating the excitement that filled every fibre of her being. But Cosima’s expression was anything but. Her face was a smorgasbord of different emotions. Her eyes were dark, full of arousal with a flicker of hope. But her mouth was open, stuck in place. She couldn’t have smiled if she’d tried to. One of her hands is rubbing at the back of her neck and the other is playing with the hem of her Toronto shirt. “That was great, Delphine, like, hella.” Cosima looked to the floor, to the net, and back, trying her best to hide what she knew was radiating from her pupils. “That’s probably enough now. I mean, you’ve got it. Just keep working on it and you’ll be good.” She started to back away and move to her duffel bag, sliding her boots off and throwing them in. “See you at training.”
Delphine hadn’t moved. She had just moved her body round to watch the small woman walk away. What was going on? A few minutes ago, Cosima had been stroking her thigh and looking at her with dark eyes. And now she stood alone on the field, her heart thudding mercilessly in her chest. “You’ve really fucked this up haven’t you Delphine?”
_
She pulled her car onto the car park. Cosima had been ignoring her since their last session. The session where Delphine let her guard down and showed the side of her she tried her best to keep hidden. Since that day she had thought of nothing else. The way Cosima looked so nervous, so scared. She sat with her hands resting on the wheel, debating whether or not to get out of the car.
“Hey Delphine, you okay?” Norris tapped on her window. The woman was nosey. She was always asking about the women’s’ relationships, enjoying the fact that many were either single or in complicated situations. Of course, she always disguised it as concern. Delphine sighed and pushed down the button for her window. “Yes, thank you Aynsley. I will be there in a second.” She shot a quick smile, hoping that Norris would get the hint and move on. She didn’t.
“Is this about you and Cosima? Because the girls have noticed the way you are with each other, and no judgement I mean, we all know about Ali and Beth and obviously Sarah with that Rachel girl.” Norris kept going, ignoring every sigh and roll of the eyes by Delphine. “It’s just Cosima is our captain so if she made it difficult we’d have to take her side and I understand how hard that must be for you.” Norris looked at Delphine with faux sympathy.
“No, we are just friends. Thank you Aynsley.” Delphine looked away to the pitch.
“Okay. You stay strong.”
Delphine watched as the tall woman skipped away from her car towards the pitch. Suddenly she found a new respect for Hendrix and the restraint she had shown all of these years being friends with that woman. She stepped out of her car and slipped on her football boots. She wished Cosima had never approached her that day in the library. She wished that she could have let her crush dissipate from afar, not have had the pleasure of spending time with Cosima, of feeling the sweet torture of Cosima’s skin on her own. If only Cosima had let her be that day.
She could hear the light chatter as she approached the group. Cosima was no-where to be seen. Manning had begun to assume the role of captain in her absence, leading the stretches and warm-ups. Half-way through a set of sit-ups, Delphine noticed a familiar figure growing ever closer. Hands flailing at her sides as if she were going over her reasons for being late before she actually got to the group. “Sorry guys, just carry on with your stretches for now.” Cosima panted. Delphine pretended not to notice how adorable she looked flustered. “Thanks Manning, I owe you one”
“Yeah, too fuckin’ right.” The smile on Manning’s face and the way Cosima’s tongue poked out from in between her teeth made Delphine’s heart sink. She didn’t want to know what had made Cosima so late, but at the same time she had a gnawing ache at the back of her head to go and speak to her. It was these conflicting emotions that caused her to up her tempo. She was flying through her sit-ups. Her abs begging her to slow down, but the burn just spurred her on. If she focused on the sit-ups and the pain, then she couldn’t focus on the spring in Cosima’s step or the fact that she couldn’t see the smaller woman’s car on the car park. Sarah made a joke and Cosima pushed her away laughing nonchalantly. Delphine’s speed increased even more.
“Really? Fuck me Cos, you’ve done well for yourself there”
“Yeah well, you know me.”
She stood up violently, obviously, drawing the attention of the other girls, Manning and Cosima. “I think, I am, um, finished with the warm-up, yes?”
Cosima gulped as she nodded, never taking her eyes off of Delphine’s. “Yeah. Sure. Grab a ball. Um, practice with Helena while they catch up.”
Helena was sat by the kit bags, stuffing her face with Jello and sugar. Delphine nodded and walked with her head down towards the goal, tapping lightly on Helena’s shoulder as it was unwise to disturb the blonde whilst she was eating. The first shots she took were hard, but straight at Helena. The crazy ‘keeper was having no trouble and even looked sad that she had left her jello to practice this. Delphine spun around in frustration at her last shot, that trickled helplessly across the floor, and saw Cosima still laughing with Manning. Manning mimicked slapping an ass and thrusting, to which Cosima nodded and hid her face. That fire in her stomach was lit again. She turned back to the ball and crashed her left foot into the ball hard, projecting it left of Helena. The frizzy-haired girl couldn’t react quick enough but shot out her left hand in a desperate attempt to parry the ball away.
SNAP!
“AH!” Helena’s cries rang across the field. She was certain that everyone in the whole state of Minnesota could hear it.
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?” Manning was on Delphine in a flash. Pushing her back and forth, a fistful of her collar.
“SARAH STOP!” Cosima pulled Manning back in a bear-hug. “Go to her.” Manning obeyed and sprinted over to her sister who was lying on her side and clutching at her wrist. It had all happened so quickly that Delphine hadn’t had time to register what was going on. Cosima was on the phone and the other girls had all crowded around Helena, much to Manning’s annoyance.
Once the paramedics had taken Helena and Manning away, Delphine had time to sit and reflect on what had happened. She had taken her shot, full of blinding rage and aggression. Helena had tried to save it, dangling a limp wrist out. The shot caught Helena on the joint between her wrist and her hand, and the power had forced her hand back and caused her wrist to snap. She couldn’t even imagine the pain that Helena must be in right now. She started to cry. How had her drive and rage led to this? This was exactly why she had tried to keep it hidden for so long. Nothing good happened when she let it out. That’s when she felt someone sit down next to her.
“Hey, hey.” A strong arm slides around her shoulder and she instinctively balances her head onto Cosima’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about what happened?” Her voice is soft and welcoming. It holds sympathy and empathy, which only made Delphine feel worse. She managed to shake her head. She didn’t want to have to explain to Cosima why she hit that ball so hard it shattered Helena’s wrist. “Okay.” The arm around her tightened and pulled her close. There was no turning back now, so she threw her arms around Cosima and sobbed uncontrollably into her shirt. The memories of touching this woman before swirled around in her brain and lumped at the back of her throat, fighting desperately to be aired. It’s always been Delphine’s curse. She had never had the strength to come out and say what she truly feels.
"You know, I put someone in the hospital once." The revelation was shocking. How could someone so small and sweet have damaged someone so much. "We both went up to head the ball, my elbows were up for balance, or so I want to believe, and they caught her right here." She pointed to the side of face, finger pressed hard in her temple. "Took her clean out." She chuckled lightly. "That’s not even the worst part. She fell awkwardly, on her back and…" Cosima breathed. "She couldn’t move. I thought I’d paralysed her. I cried for weeks until I found out she was fine." Cosima couldn’t help herself and placed a soft kiss onto the top of Delphine’s curls.
“You should go.” Delphine sighed, but still didn’t take her head off of Cosima’s shoulder.
“What? Why?” Cosima was confused, but her voice remained soft and sympathetic. It kicked Delphine right in the guy.
“You have someone waiting for you, no?” She felt like a high-schooler. Dancing around the subject without actually asking the question. “I saw that you were late and your car isn’t here.” She sniffed. “And you were making jokes with Sarah. I-” The tears started to fall again. Over the weeks, Delphine’s crush had grown into more. She knew it was stupid and rash and reckless but she had found herself falling in love with Cosima. The electricity when they touched and the smile that never left her face when Cosima was around told her this was real. She had been certain that Cosima could feel it too. It couldn’t have been a lie. It wasn’t possible.
“Is that what all this is about? You’re jealous?” She could hear the smile in Cosima’s voice. It angered her. How dare she joke about this right now?
“Non. I have nothing to be jealous about.” Delphine pulled her head away from Cosima and started to stand up and walk away.
“Wait.” Cosima started, but Delphine carried on. “Wait, Delphine!” It was useless, Delphine was determined to get into her car and drive away as soon as possible. “Fuck. Delphine. I FUCKING LOVE YOU!” Cosima screamed across the field, desperately trying to get the blonde woman to stop walking away from her. Delphine looked over her shoulder at Cosima before turning round to face her. Cosima’s legs were shoulder width apart and both of her palms were flat against her forehead.
“Que?” She started to walk back over to the shorter woman. Her head tilted to the side, questioning.
“I love you, Delphine.” It was desperate, and low and tinged with sadness.
“But you have a girlfriend or boyfriend.”
“No, Delphine. I don’t.”
Delphine’s eyes narrowed in concentration, her long limbs still making small steps back towards Cosima.
“You and Manning were joking and, she made those gestures.”
“Yeah, that was Sarah telling me about Rachel and Cal. It was a wild story.” Cosima laughed as she remembered all the sordid details of her best-friend’s night.
“And you were late today, and Sarah said that you ‘did well for yourself’…” She knew the connotations of that phrase all too well.
“Again, if you’d have just asked and not gone on one of your crazy ra-…” Cosima stopped before she upset Delphine. “That was about the offer I got from DYAD…” The name hit Delphine like a tonne of bricks, “…to work there once I finish my PHD. Scott drove me here because Marion Bowles insisted on us drinking wine at the dinner.”
Delphine laughed. Cosima had an answer for everything, and although she wanted to believe her, Delphine’s stubborn nature and knack for expecting the worst were too strong to ignore.
“But you walked away. The other day when we were practicing, I scared you-”
“You didn’t scare me.” Cosima gulped. “I scared me.”
Delphine was getting closer, and closer.
“What do you mean?”
“I realised, that day, how strong my feelings were for you. I’ve nev-…I’ve never felt this. With anyone. It scared me. I had to go. I knew you didn’t feel the same…because Norris told me that she’d seen you around with that Leekie professor and…” She let it hang in the air. Delphine knew that she couldn’t fully explain away her relationship with Leekie like Cosima had just done, and she didn’t want to. Not yet. She continued to get closer, until Cosima was only a foot away. The shorter woman’s head dropped down with Delphine’s failure to deny the relationship and her fingers toyed with the hem of her shirt. Delphine reached out and tilted the brunette’s head up, her dopey grin juxtaposing Cosima’s pout.
“Leekie…” The name made her skin crawl. “I do not love him. I do not even like him.” She bit her lip as she found her courage. “Je t’aime, Cosima.” The shorter girl’s eyes searched Delphine’s for any hints of the lie, and found none. Delphine leaned in and let her fingers brush against the underside of Cosima’s jaw. Slightly cracked lips found soft lips. Nerves cracked and throbbed with excitement and electricity. After a few seconds, a few minutes, a few hours, Delphine couldn’t be fully sure, Cosima reluctantly pulled away. Their foreheads rested against one anothers. Delphine licked her lips and regained her breath. “I should- we should-” It was as if all the thought had fallen right out of Cosima’s brain. “We should go to see Helena.” The pronoun hung in the air like a test. It brought a smile to Delphine’s lips as she grabbed Cosima’s hand.
“Yes, we…” She put a certain emphasis on it, “should.”
“Promise me something though, Delphine.”
“Anything.”
“You’ll tell me everything. Leekie, about why you left France, about how you already work for DYAD.” Cosima had found out more than Delphine had realised. “Everything.”
“Yes, Cherie.” She kissed the smaller woman. “Everything.”