Chapter Text
"Shruti! Shruti!” Karn was gently shaking her awake. “We have reached.” Shruti straightened trying to blink the sleep away. She watched the streets of Hastinapura through the haze of sleep. The city had a festive atmosphere. It seemed the people hadn’t forgotten the Pandavas after all. Shruti smiled as they passed a group of children dancing on the streets. Her husband didn’t seem to share her happiness. “One might think that the Gods themselves have descended in Hastinapura.” He said, eyeing the decorations with distaste. “The Pandavas must have done something to earn the People’s love.” Despite knowing better Shruti replied. “The people are sheep.” Karn spat. The same people had been wise when they had cheered for his friend Duryodhan, but Shruti knew better than to point that out. Her husband did not take well to being challenged, especially by a woman. She had no illusions about her place in his life, so she held her tongue until they reached the royal guest quarters. “Rest for a while. We will have to attend the royal feast in the evening.” Karn said as she returned from the bathhouse. Shruti nodded as she laid on the bed by his side. Soon the exhaustion caught up to her and she gave in to sleep.
The royal feast was held in one of the smaller banquet halls of the palace. Shrutikanti walked beside her husband as they made their way to the raised platform where King Dhritrashtra sat on an ornate throne in the middle, with the venerable Bhishma on his right and prime minister Vidura on his left. The ever faithful Sanjaya stood behind the king, occasionally whispering the happenings in his ear. The royal women sat on a balcony overlooking the feast. Soon, Shruti would make her way there to join Duryodhana’s wife and her friend, Princess Bhanumati of Kalinga. They had met at a similar banquet a few months back and took an immediate liking to each other. Bhanumati had started to fill the void that Dusshala's absence had created in Shruti's life. She looked forward to a pleasant evening with her friend but before that she would have to face him whose sight she yearned for and dreaded in equal measure.
In the carriage ride to the feast, Shruti had resolved not to let herself look at him or dwell on him. The emotions that would evoke had no place in her life now. She would greet him as a vassal king's wife should greet a prince and then she would never think of him again. Most likely, he doesn’t even remember me, she thought. And that’s for the best, she had reminded herself, suppressing the pang she felt. Now, as she stood by Karna's side as they made the rounds, she could feel her heart beat rapidly. She nodded politely at Duryodhana and endured Dusshasana's lascivious staring with gritted teeth. And then, it was time.
“I’ll try to make this quick.” Karna whispered in her ear, noting her nervous fidgeting. She hoped he attributed it to her discomfort with his animosity towards the Pandavas. Yudhishtira, the eldest, was his usual polite self and greeted them with genuine warmth, as if he was unaware of Karna’s part in the attempt on his family’s life. In stark contrast was Bhimasena, who stared at her husband with barely concealed hostility. They exchanged some snide words but Shruti wasn’t listening, her attention entirely riveted by the man beside Bhima. He stood a little to the side, almost huddled with another unfamiliar man who her husband had told her was Krishna Vasudev of Dwaraka. For a few moments Shruti forgot everything as she stared at Arjuna. The boy she had known had grown into a wholly unfamiliar yet darkly attractive man. The white silk robes barely concealed his tall, muscular form that was leaner than she remembered. His face too, had become more defined making the already high cheekbones look sharper. A pale, thin, scar stood out below his right eye and Shruti had the strangest urge to trace it with her finger. She flushed with embarrassment at her thoughts and quickly averted her eyes, but it was too late, for someone had already noticed.
Krishna gazed at her with a knowing smile, as if he were somehow aware of the thoughts running through her head. She quickly glanced at her husband and was relieved to find him still in conversation with Bhima. “Pranaam, Aarye.” Krishna bowed with his smile still in place. It was unconventional to bow before a woman who wasn’t one's superior in age or station, but Krishna was known across Aryavarta for breaking convention. His greeting brought Arjuna’s attention towards her and Shruti found herself fumbling for words. She saw a glint of recognition in his eyes as he too, smiled and bowed. “Where are my manners? Forgive me, this is Shrutikanti, my wife.” Karna said, remembering to introduce her. “I believe congratulations are in order, Prince Arjuna.” He turned to the prince.” I wonder why you chose to hide behind a disguise the last time we met.” Arjuna’s smile did not falter at the derision in Karna's tone. “I thought you would be thankful for my disguise, King of Anga. After all, it did give you a valid excuse to run away.” Her husband's jaw clenched. Karna was about to argue further when Shruti cut in. “I must go upstairs to pay my respects to the Queens.” Her husband looked irritated but compiled. He led her by the arm, muttering to himself. Shruti cast a surreptitious glance behind her to find that Krishna and Arjuna had resumed their conversation, as if nothing had ever interrupted it. She had met him and hardly exchanged a single word with him. Shruti decided not to acknowledge the disappointment she felt.
The atmosphere on the balcony was far from the pleasant one she had expected. There was a cacophony of whispers as the royal women talked amongst themselves about the princess who married five men. Meanwhile, the one they discussed about sat alone beside her mother-in-law, looking completely unaffected. Princess Draupadi stood out amongst the women like a flame in a dark room. Shruti had heard about the princess whose beauty had pulled almost every Kshatriya in Aryavarta to her Swayamvara. Looking at her now, she almost understood why the men had been ready to even kill for a chance to have her. Every man had fought tooth and nail for a chance to possess this fiery beauty. Every man, except the one man who had actually won her. What sort of a man would give up such a woman for words uttered unknowingly? “Shruti, you’re staring!” Bhanumati admonished in a whisper making her look away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” She smiled apologetically. “Fascinating, isn’t she?” another woman Shruti didn’t recognize whispered making her frown in distaste. Draupadi was a person not some curious new animal. But as always, she kept her thoughts to herself. She watched as the center of attention excused herself. Almost on an impulse, Shruti chose to follow her.
The princess stood all by herself in a shadowy corner at the very edge of the balcony. For all her aloofness, she looked terribly lonely. Shruti approached her with some hesitation. The princess was looking down at the men assembled below. “I am…” she began to introduce herself but stopped as Draupadi turned towards her. A single glance from this woman could make the most silver tongued person fumble for words. “I know who you are. Mother Kunti told me you grew up with the princes.” It surprised Shruti to know that they talked about her. “I was playmate to the princess Dushala, yes. I knew the boys only in passing.” Draupadi nodded her gaze straying downward again. Shruti followed her gaze to find Arjuna, who stood alone now. Suddenly he glanced up and for a moment Shruti froze but then she realized that his eyes were fixed on the woman beside her. Shruti saw the expression of longing on Draupadi’s face before she quickly hid it. She saw Arjuna look away as one of his brothers approached him. Arjuna was Draupadi's husband, yet the circumstances had turned even a simple glance from him into something forbidden. Shruti looked away from him only to find her own husband staring at Arjuna with undisguised envy. Beside him, Duryodhana stared at Yudhishtira with the same expression. Almost every woman on that balcony had been acutely jealous of Draupadi. Shruti herself couldn’t help but feel a tinge of envy for the woman who was married to the man she had always desired. All of them wanted something that was beyond their grasp. Suddenly, she remembered the story of the Kasturi mriga and how it spent its entire life searching for the source of a fragrance that it carried within itself. Its search was called Mrig-trishna. Perhaps human beings too are the same, Shruti thought, suddenly philosophical. We always think, if only I have what he or she has, I'll finally be happy; but we never realize that real happiness and contentment can only be found within. Shruti shook her head at her own thoughts. Maybe someday all of them would meet again. Would they struggle with the same desires or would they have changed? Who knew? But that was the beauty of human life, you didn't just get all the answers. You had to live through them.