Chapter Text
Kun was not sure of how he was meant to feel; was he relieved, or did this simply contribute to his anxiousness? He settled for neither. He felt empty. Void of feeling, both physically and emotionally.
He rose, stumbling from the numb feeling in his lead-filled legs, and slowly glided over to his second hand couch on a cloud. Kun was not counting, but the arrival of the detective was seemingly taking an eternity. He did not know why he was anticipating it, whether he wanted him to come sooner or not at all, but his thoughts were interrupted by oscillating ringing of his doorbell.
Opening the door, the officer’s young eyes immediately pierced Kun. He was dressed formally but casually; black jeans, a white button-down shirt and a warm coat, and he held his notepad, clipped to a small clipboard with a blue pen.
After a long moment, the detective blinked himself out of his trance, extending his hand to the smaller boy in front of him. “Hello, I’m Detective Inspector Seo Youngho.”
“Qian Kun.” Kun croaked as he shook hands with Youngho. “Please, come in.”
Youngho stepped through the doorway, somewhat tentatively, and Kun closed the door behind him. Kun limply held out his arm to gesture his way to the lounge room, back to the couch. They sat, Youngho at a polite distance from Kun at the other end of the couch to him. Youngho sat somewhat uncomfortably while Kun crossed his legs; he brought his knees up to hug himself. Youngho thought he was the smallest grown man he had ever seen.
“So,” Youngho began. “We have been given the results for the body, and this information is available for you, if you want me to tell you.”
Kun’s eyes froze on a spot on the floor and began slowly rocking back and forth. “Yes, please.” he said quietly.
Youngho was not sure if he really should share the information with Kun, seeing how sensitive he was right now. However, regardless, it was his job. “The body has been identified as female,” he tested the waters. “The method of murder is not yet known, nor is the age.”
“Is it my sister, though?” Frankly, Kun’s statement was rather blunt, but truthfully, he did not want to know.
“The name of the victim,” Youngho complied with Kun’s demands, “is Qian Yuyan.”
Whether this was news to him, Kun did not react as Youngho would have thought; his rocking had stopped, but his eyes were trained to the floor, his pupils small and distant. After a long moment, Kun nodded his head, blinking his eyes, and turned his head to focus on the young detective. All Youngho saw in his eyes was emptiness.
“I don’t really know … how to feel. Or what to feel.” Kun finally spoke. Youngho’s heart clenched, but his eyes were only trained to Kun, he could not look away.
Kun leaned down into his hands, cradling his head, massaging his temples and scalp. Youngho found his arm acting on its’ own accord, as it reached out to the man next to him in an attempt to comfort; his hand rested on Kun’s back. The muscles in Kun’s back tightened at the sudden feeling, and he slowly sat up. Silently, Kun shifted across the couch, closer to Youngho, who did not know what he should do, but his hand remained, comforting.
Kun leaned into the young detective, wrapping his arms around the taller and leaning his head on his shoulder, and squeezed him almost tightly. Kun’s breathing steadied when Youngho hesitantly wrapped his second arm around the smaller boy, Youngho’s heart was rapidly beating. Youngho rested head chin on the crown of Kun’s head, and they remained silent, apart from the leveled breaths of the two.
Youngho thought he was just doing his job, but a small part of him knew it was unprofessional. Regardless of this fact, Youngho did not seem to care, nor did he want to care, as he felt content in the elder’s embrace. Youngho shared his warmth with Kun, which brought a temporary source of comfort to the elder.
“You don’t need to focus on that.” Youngho said, not knowing why he was saying it.
Kun shifted, taking his head off the younger boy’s shoulder, and looked up at him, his arms not moving from their position. “What should I focus on, then?”
Youngho thought for a moment, not looking at Kun, who he could feel watching him very closely, literally and figuratively. “Just focus on breathing, okay?”
Kun did not answer him, but replaced his head onto Youngho’s shoulder. Youngho could hear him breathing again. He heard Kun softly sigh as his deep breaths evened out. The two boys stayed like this for a good while before Kun realised how inappropriate it was, thought that Youngho probably did not even care; this was just all part of his job. Youngho’s hand smoothed out the stressed muscles surrounding Kun’s spine.
The two did not know how long they had stayed like that, but Youngho could see that it was dark outside from between the window shutters, and Kun was asleep in his arms. Youngho did not know what to do. He did not know if he should stay with Kun, or if he should leave him here; his job was telling him to go, but his conscience was telling him to stay. Youngho slowly maneuvered so he would not wake Kun, and he tentatively lay Kun down onto the couch to sleep more comfortably. He stood awkwardly in the living room, not knowing what to do with himself. Youngho reached for his notepad and scribbled out a note to leave for Kun when he woke up, telling him to contact Youngho when he is ready and they can talk about the incident.
Youngho placed the note down on the coffee table and crept back towards the front door, slowly and quietly so he would not wake Kun, knowing that he needed rest. He closed the front door and took a deep breath, and then he walked back to his car, the evening air clean in his lungs, which soothed him. Sitting down in the driver’s seat, all he could think about was Kun and how fragile he seemed, yet so strong. Youngho wanted to both admire him and protect him; his feelings were confused.
He leaned his head against the steering wheel for a prolonged moment, then retracted, immediately starting the car and taking off. His eyes flickered up to the rear view mirror to have a last glance at Kun’s house before it disappeared from sight.