Chapter Text
Kara woke up in National City the next day to a car alarm blaring outside of her open window. She rose from bed bent out of shape, and went back to living her life in National City to spite Lena. Kara ate at Noonan’s for lunch, visited with friends, and filled her evening stopping petty crime around the city. On the second day back in town she flew past L-Corp and realized Lena’s office was dark in the middle of the day. She hovered outside the building, her brow knitting as she stretched her hearing. Lena wasn’t in the building, and Lena didn’t take days off. “She wouldn’t…” Kara muttered before she turned and flew as fast as she could back to Smallville.
Sure enough, Lena’s car was parked in the same place as when Kara last saw it. Kara landed heavily enough to shake the earth before she climbed the porch steps, opened the door, and strode angrily into the house. Before she could speak she spotted Lena sitting on the floor at the entrance to the kitchen surrounded by the Kent’s disassembled oven.
“What did you do?” Kara asked, wide eyed and definitely freaked out to see Lena calmly kneeling amidst ancient machine parts like she was conducting some sort of ritual.
“I’m fixing it.”
Kara’s eyebrows arched, flabberghasted. “You–”
“I went to make dinner yesterday while I was waiting for you to return from your little tantrum, and I realized after waiting an interminably long time for the oven to heat up that the whole thing was shot.”
“So you just took the oven apart?!”
“I called the town’s electrician to come out and repair it, but he doesn’t have the parts and said it would take at least a week for the order to arrive.”
Kara just looked at Lena even more incredulously. “You took it apart and you don’t have the parts to replace the broken pieces?”
“Not yet,” Lena said calmly. Her phone pinged and she turned her attention to the location of the front door at the same time Kara’s head snapped in that direction.
“Stay here,” Kara said, her hair standing on end at the sound of something mechanical in the air heading toward the farm.
“Kara–”
“I said stay here,” Kara barked again before running from the farmhouse and taking to the sky. She saw it, a mile out, small and black against the blue sky and streaking toward the farm. “What in the…” Kara squinted and saw the writing on the side of the small, fast-moving drone. “L-Corp?”
The drone slowed as it approached the farm, Kara’s eyes heating up in case she needed to destroy it. Tucked against its underbelly was a small cardboard box. The drone hovered above the ground near the front porch and carefully released the box before taking to the sky and shooting away toward National City. Kara watched it go, her head snapping back to take in Lena coming down the house’s front steps, the screen door snapping shut with a squeak and a clang behind her. Kara’s eyes went wide when she realized Lena was going to pick up the box. “Lena, no, I haven’t scanned the–”
Lena picked the box up and ripped the strip of tape off the top; the box popped open and Lena pulled a few small, metal pieces free. Lena smirked and held them up for Kara to see. “The parts I need to fix the oven.” Lena turned and reentered the house without another word, and Kara’s breath came out in a sharp, incredulous puff, as she floated to the ground.
Lena had a state-of-the-art L-Corp drone deliver nearly obsolete oven parts to the middle of nowhere. Oven parts for an oven she had no business using, much less taking apart and fixing. Kara steamed, her hands opening and closing into fists. What did Lena think she was doing, what could she possibly think she would accomplish by squatting at the Kent’s farmhouse? Kara stomped inside the house, ready to yell and scream at Lena but she pulled up short at the sight of Lena calmly screwing machine parts together and referencing a yellowed handbook for the oven. Kara huffed and took to the stairs, changed into the clothes she’d kept in the master bedroom, and then just as quickly as she entered, she exited the farmhouse and went to work on the chore list she’d devised weeks ago. If Lena Luthor thought she was going to wait her out her, she had another thing coming.
******************************
The day went by without another confrontation, Lena largly staying inside the house and puttering while Kara worked the land. As it neared sundown, Kara drove into town and got dinner alone at the burger shop on Main Street. She tried to let the town’s slow pace center her as it did on her first day, but the thought of Lena doing god-knew what at the farmhouse left her tense and anxious. When Kara returned to the house, she frowned. The house was dark, save for a single light in the upstairs guest room, and Lena’s infuriating lead-lined car was still parked where it had been since her arrival. It could only mean one thing. Kara slammed the truck door shut and after hemming and hawing for a full minute by its side, she used her x-ray vision to look inside the illuminated room.
Lena was wearing pajamas and was curled up beneath the coverelet in bed, a book on her lap, her chunky glasses on her nose. Kara looked away and took in another angry breath. Lena had not only invaded her space, but she was settling into to sleep as if this were a B&B she’d booked for the weekend to get away. Kara paced for a while by the truck, running through her options before she decided two could play this game. She went inside, changed into her own pajamas, and settled in to sleep in the master bedroom down the hall.
Only sleep for Kara was elusive. She was too angry to relax, and every single sound Lena made felt like it was amplified by a bullhorn in her ear. A little after midnight Kara stood from her bed, grabbed a pillow, and made her way outside.
She had just finally gotten comfortable in the supremely uncomfortable cab of Clark’s old pick up truck when the front screen door screeched open and Lena’s booted feet crunched across the gravel path, the screen door’s delayed aluminum slam making Kara cringe. Lena knocked on the window with her knuckles and Kara sighed, her jaw setting before she sat up and opened the truck door.
“What are you doing?” Lena demanded.
“Trying to sleep.”
“There’s a bed in the house.”
“Which I would use, if you weren’t here,” Kara snipped. Kara rolled her eyes at Lena’s confused look. “It’s too distracting, knowing you’re in the other room—I can’t sleep.”
“So you’re sleeping in the cab of a decrepit truck,” Lena said, looking with distaste past Kara at the frayed duct tape holding part of the tattered seat cushion together.
“Well I would sleep in the barn, but Kal has every single corner of it stuffed with, stuff,” Kara said petulantly, her hand waving toward the dark building to her left.
“Surely the bed of the truck is more comfortable than this?” Lena asked and Kara’s lips thinned. “Don’t tell me you’re worried about mosquito bites?”
“Let’s just say I can go the rest of my life without ever sleeping under the stars again,” Kara said, shifting to get more comfortable, a spring poking her thigh.
“Bad camping trip?” Lena deadpanned.
“Bad trip to Earth,” Kara muttered, and she could see out of the corner of her eye that Lena looked taken aback by the comment. “Why do you care where I sleep?”
Lena was silent for a beat. “You can end this by talking to me, you know.” Kara again rolled her eyes and Lena responded in kind. “God, you are so stubborn.”
“Says the woman squatting on a farm in Kansas,” Kara said with a sharp look.
“Work out a way to coexist with me in National City and I’ll leave.”
Kara shook her head. “There is no way to do what you want to do,” she said and Lena tightened her arms across her chest. “‘Coexist’?” Kara asked. “How do I ‘coexist’ with you when I feel like my heart is going to break open every single time I look at you?” She looked up and for a flash Kara could see how heartbroken Lena was as well. A flash before the look was gone, schooled behind the angry scowl Lena had chosen to wear since their intial confrontation in Lena’s office. Kara dipped her head and spoke softly. “I can’t do it.”
“You mean you won’t.” They were quiet for a long moment, Lena staring at Kara, Kara’s eyes averted. “You didn't really think I was innocent when you came to ask me about me being a source for your story about Lex.”
Kara’s brow deeply furrowed. Of all of the things for Lena to bring up in that moment… Kara opened and closed her mouth before saying, “I didn't think you were guilty.” Lena scoffed and Kara shook her head. “You seem to want me to say something different.” Kara shrugged and Lena looked up at that. “You changed my mind about you forever when you saved Sam... When you made Harun-El to save Argo City—”
“I kept some to expirement on.”
“Because you want to cure cancer.” Kara said sharply, clearly frustrated. “Because you are so dead set on balancing scales you didn't tip, of erasing a debt that doesn't even belong to you, you make stupid choices.” Kara leveled Lena with a look. “Because you don't have anyone in your life that you truly trust to confide in, so you carry it all alone, this burden to be more than just the good, kind, brilliant person you are—you don’t have to fix the world.”
Lena’s voice was low when she spoke. “I confided in Eve and look what that got me.”
“What she did was horrible–”
“What she did was what everyone does to me. It’s always promises of friendship and then lies and manipulation.” Kara looked ashamed. “The only question I’ll have for people moving forward is whether they’re doing it because I’m rich, a Luthor, or because I’m so naive and trusting I’ll fall for anything.”
“Lena–”
“I’m going to bed. Hopefully by morning you’ll realize that the only way to move forward is to work out with me how we’re going to manage living together in National City. Goodnight.”
Lena turned heel and stormed into the house, Kara watching her helplessly from the cab of the truck.
******************************
Kara woke up the next morning groggy, the night spent in the truck cab leaving her exhausted. She sat up and jumped when she accidentally honked the car horn, then frowned when she saw steam coating the edges of the kitchen window. Kara opened the door of the truck and shuffled inside, the smell of coffee hitting her in the face as the front door closed behind her.
“I made enough for you, too,” Lena said, not looking up from where she sat in an old leather armchair in the living room, a laptop in her lap.
“You get the Internet?” Kara asked, looking to the laptop and then Lena’s face.
Lena arched an eyebrow. “You act surprised that a Luthor would bring a satelite dish.” She nodded toward a small dish in an open briefcase pointing out a window to Kara’s right.
Kara smirked. “That’s not being a Luthor, Lena, that’s being extra.” Kara tossed her pillow on the couch and shuffled into the kitchen to make herself breakfast. She took her time as she cooked, careful not to space out and burn her food as she listened to Lena work in the other room. Once she’d eaten her fill, Kara stood next to the kitchen sink and sipped at her coffee, still piping hot from a quick blast of her heat vision.
She took a deep breath, bracing herself, as Lena entered the kitchen. “I plan on taking the toaster oven apart in an hour, so please try not to destroy my drone when it brings me the part I need.”
“Fine,” Kara said.
There was a beat. “Are you ready to talk?”
“Nope,” Kara replied stubbornly.
“Fine,” Lena said, her lips thinning. “You’ll need to go into the store, you’re out of bread.” Kara frowned. “I’m going to take a shower.” Kara’s frown deepened. She dumped her coffee down the drain and in a flash ran upstairs, changed, and then was out the door, Lena still standing in place in the kitchen.
******************************
“Do you want me to send in a Black Ops team to extricate her?”
Kara laughed, mirthlessly. “No.” She wiped her face with a well-worn hankerchief, then lifted a fallen tree and carried it to the pile of wood she was creating near the barn.
“I could do it,” Alex said into the ear piece, and Kara’s smile grew a little. “It’d be real sneaky. She’d never know what hit her.”
“No, Alex,” Kara said. She stood and looked at the work she was doing, stretched her hearing slightly to confirm that Lena was indeed taking the toaster oven apart in the kitchen. “She needs to make the decision to leave on her own.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
“I would like to see her try to stay once Lois gets home.”
“I bet Lena heads home before the end of the day,” Alex said confidently.
“Maybe,” Kara said quietly.
“How are you holding up?”
“Fine,” Kara said. “It’s…” She blew a stray bit of hair from her face. “It’s annoying, more than anything.” She felt the real truth twist in her gut and she was grateful Alex couldn’t see the lie on her face.
There was a long silence before Alex spoke again. “You know, Kelly said–”
“No, Alex,” Kara interrupted. “We agreed, you’re not allowed to try to psychoanalyze me because your girlfriend is a psychologist.”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” Alex said defensively. “I’m just sharing that Kelly thinks that Lena needs someone to show her trust. Stop telling her that you trust her and show her.”
“How can I do that if she won’t talk to me, really, talk to me?”
“Maybe that’s part of it.”
Kara was silent.
“Look, when Maggie and I broke up, there was some negotiating involved.”
“Lena and I didn’t break up–”
“Yes, you did, Kara, and the sooner you face that the faster you can move on.”
Kara’s voice was small when she replied. “I don’t want to move on.”
“Move forward, then,” Alex said and Kara was again silent. “Are you still there?”
“Yes.”
“If she wants to negotiate… give her what she needs from you so that she can trust that you’re listening to her, that you care about what she’s telling you she needs.”
“That makes no sense,” Kara said. “I’ve already given her space–”
“And she’s telling you she doesn’t need space, she’s telling you that she needs to trust that when she sees you in public in National City that she will know how the interaction will go, that she won’t be… blindsided by some emotional encounter.” Kara was quiet. “She’s a public figure. Everyone is waiting for her to make a mistake and if it comes during a routine run in with Supergirl–”
“OK,” Kara said.
“Show her trust and maybe…”
Kara could hear it in Alex’s voice. How weak the word ‘maybe’ was spoken.
“I gotta go,” Kara said. “You would not believe the amount of wood I need to chop right now.”
“Yes, a job that I’m sure wouldn’t take you 30 seconds if you wanted to get through it quickly.”
“Bye, Alex.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
******************************
Kara spent the rest of the day studiously avoiding Lena. She grabbed lunch in town before stopping at the store. She bought everything Lena had included on the neatly written grocery list left for her under the truck’s windshield wiper that morning. That she had to fly over to another city to pick up the kombucha on her list, or that she didn’t throw the list away once she was done shopping—folding it neatly and tucking into the back pocket of her jeans—was something Lena never need to know about.
Kara put the groceries away with super speed, barely registering the look of surprise on Lena’s face as she blurred back out the front door toward the fence she’d promised herself she’d fix on the far side of the farm. Kara stayed out of the house until sundown, the cicadas buzzing around her, the sun beating down on her making her skin practically glow. She cringed when she finally came into the house, the screen door slamming behind her, to find Lena cleaning up from dinner alone in the kitchen. Lena was wearing comfortable clothes, her hair in a loose bun, and the domesticity of it made Kara’s heart burn for a future she didn’t know she’d wanted, but now couldn’t have.
Kara walked into the kitchen after a stuttered step and opened the refridgerator, looking to see what she’d make herself for dinner.
“If you’d come in an hour earlier I would have made more,” Lena said, her chin tipped high as she finished drying her hands.
“I don’t want you to cook for me,” Kara said.
“I wouldn’t have done it for you,” Lena sneered. Kara’s brows fell and she turned to glower at Lena. “But maybe if you were sat across from me at the table you’d realize the best way forward is to see things my way and talk.”
“I want to talk–”
“Negotiate,” Lena corrected.
Kara’s face pinched, Alex’s words about trust from earlier in the day swirling in her head. She took a deep breath and met Lena’s eye. “How much did you confide in Eve?”
“Everything,” Lena said.
“Everything with Lex, what you were doing with the Harun-El?”
“Yes.”
“And your feelings for me?” Kara watched the color drain from Lena’s cheeks. “Did you tell her about those?” When Lena looked away, Kara’s jaw tightened. “I failed you. I should have been the person you confided everything in–”
“Stop it–”
“I should have been the person you could share your burdens with,” Kara said. “I should have been someone–”
“Stop it,” Lena snarled.
“Lena–”
“Are all heroes martyrs?” Lena snapped. “The worst part of all of this, of all of the betrayal and the humiliation is that you want me to feel sorry for you. That you think you deserve to have me feel sorry for you because of your goodness. I don’t feel sorry for you, Kara. You lied to me, you made the choice to lie every day and I don’t owe you anything, not even pity.”
“A martyr,” Kara sniffed. “That’s… That’s rich coming from you.” She met Lena’s eye and Lena didn’t look away.
“You keep asking me to give you my thoughts, my feelings, but you don’t get to have them just because you want them,” Lena said, her voice even and measured. “You want to feel better about this,” she said, pointing between them, “but I can’t give that to you. And honestly, even if I could, I wouldn’t because you don’t deserve that from me.”
It was the truth of their situation laid bare and Kara struggled under the weight of it. They stood silent across from each other in the kitchen, and Kara felt her throat growing more and more thick as the tears strung her eyes. She looked up at Lena and all she saw was hurt. Sure, Lena was angry, her jaw tense, her eyes blazing, but she mostly looked hurt. To her core hurt. Kara thought again of what Alex had told her about trust, and about Lena plainly telling her what she needed from her to move on. Kara wiped at her nose and sniffed. “OK,” she said quietly. She shook her head. “How do you want things to go once we’re home?”
When she met Lena’s eye, Lena looked startled. She swallowed it down and looked to the floor for a long beat. She nodded to herself and looked up. “I don’t ever want to be alone with you again.”
Kara’s face screwed up, the words stabbing through her heart. She pursed her lips and wiped the tears that fell on her cheeks away quickly. “OK,” she croaked out, her head bobbing once before she sniffed and lifted her chin.
“And I don’t want Alex, or J’onn, or Brainy coming to L-Corp asking for help from the DEO, ever,” Lena said, her own voice starting to waver with emotion.
“OK,” Kara said.
“Nia and James will no longer have access to me for any story, covering any topic, not even L-Corp, and I think it should go without saying that Kara Danvers’s access has been denied.”
Kara just nodded, no longer able to speak.
Lena was quiet for a long moment as she composed herself. Her voice was quiet as she continued. “We will run into each other—it’s inevitable given National City’s philanthropic calendar. I just want you to know, that when we do–”
“Lena.”
Lena’s tears spilled over and she hastily wiped at her face. “I’ll play my role. And if you ever cared about me, you’ll play yours.”
Kara looked out the window to the night sky for a long moment before she nodded. “I won’t do anything to make this harder than it has been for you.” Lena scoffed and Kara met her eye. They stared for a long moment, rooted to their spots. Kara pulled herself to her full height, her eyebrows raising as she forced herself to appear more composed than she felt. “Is there anything else?” Kara asked, and Lena evaluated her for a long moment.
“No.”
Kara nodded. The house around them felt huge and foreign, despite being their entire life for the last two days. Kara waited for Lena to speak, to change her mind and add on additional conditions, or even to turn and leave, her demands met, but nothing happened. In the quiet of their shared space, Kara spoke. “When Mon-El left after the Daxamite attack I thought my life was over.”
She could hear Lena inhale through her nose but Kara didn’t look at her, couldn’t look at her, too afraid to see whatever look clouded her face. Kara rested her hands on the counter behind her, her shoulders hunched. “I thought Mon-El was it for me. My match, my one true…” She inhaled sharply and dropped her hands to her side. “I talked myself into being with him because he was the only person other than me on Earth who knew what it was like, what it felt like to stand in Rao’s light. I, despised everything about Daxam, and he treated me so…” She swallowed hard. “But to have someone who knew Krypton’s customs, who I didn’t have to pretend with…”
She glanced up and Lena was staring at her intently.
Kara looked away. “And then we found Argo City, and it was such a miracle. Something I’d dreamt about since I left Krypton as a little girl. I was actually able to go home, and… It was so different than how I thought it would be if I ever did. My whole life on Earth I thought that if I could just go back, if I could be with Kryptonians, people like me, be with my mother, that I would feel whole, and instead I was so obviously out of place.” She exhaled. “I used to think that Mon-El was my match, and I used to think going home would make me feel whole, and I used to think that I didn’t tell you who I was because you allowed me to be normal and that I was protecting you and it turns out–” She pressed her lips together. “It turns out I spent time with you because you were my match. You were my home and I am so unbelievably sad that I’ve hurt you and I don’t get to show you who I really am. Not, Kara Danvers or Supergirl. I wish I could be just myself, my whole self, with you.”
Kara finally looked up and the tears in Lena’s eyes broke her heart. Lena nodded, and then she left.
Kara stood stock still as Lena exited the farmhouse, the screen door screeching and slamming against the aluminum frame. Kara could hear every sound, loud in her ears, as if she were inches away from where it was happening. Lena’s uneven steps on the gravel, her heart beating furiously, her blood rushing through her veins, and the horrible, strangled sound of her breath as she tried not to cry. The next sound was the heavy car door opening and closing, and then absolute silence as the lead shielded Lena from her senses. Kara could hear the engine roar to life and then with another, heavier crunch of gravel, Lena was gone.
Kara licked her lips, her eyes swollen with tears. She stopped listening for Lena once she heard the car pick up speed on the two-lane highway. Kara staightened and looked around the kitchen. The dishes Lena had neatly put away on the drying rack. Kara sighed as she realized she’d have to collect the things Lena’d left behind and deliver them to National City. She went around the space, collecting them all, and then deposited them gently on Lena’s apartment’s balcony before returning to her own apartment, and her life, in National City.
******************************
How do you return to your normal life after it had been blown apart? The answer for Kara was to pretend that it hadn’t been. She ate at Noonan’s for lunch, visited with friends, and filled her evenings stopping petty crime around the city, and it was just like before, except that it wasn’t. The actions were the same, the smiles, the locations, but every second of it felt hollow. A shade of emotion off from what it should be. She tried to pretend that she was fine with her new life. She averted her eyes when she flew past L-Corp, the glow from Lena’s office catching in her peripheral vision, and she altered her course when she thought she might place herself somewhere Lena might be. It was Kara’s normal life, slightly altered. Hugely diminished. Achingly awful.
It was several days post-Smallville when James visited Kara at her apartment. Kara found that she had a hard time meeting his eye when he entered the space; it was her first time alone with him since Lena and her had severed their relationship. He gave her an awkward hug before she ushered them to the couch. They sat still for a moment before he spoke. “I have some good news,” he said.
“Oh?”
“The executor of the blind trust has given me permission to re-hire you. You have your old job back at CatCo, if you want it.”
Kara’s eyebrows shot to her hairline. “Oh.” She floundered with a response. “That’s… that’s… great.”
“You would be doing different stories than in the past.”
“Of course.”
“Because, Lena…” He sighed. He looked to Kara briefly before looking away. “She came to see me last night.” Kara’s throat closed. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what he was about to say. “She wanted to talk, about when we…” James picked at his jeans before he met Kara’s eye. “She said she wanted me to hear it from her.”
“Hear what?”
“That she had been in love with you while we were together.”
Kara closed her eyes. “James.”
“She told me nothing happened between you.”
“Never,” Kara said as she met his eye, and the word made her feel so lost she almost cried.
James nodded. “I was going to ask if you had feelings for her too, but, I don’t think I have to.”
Kara worked her jaw, her eyes rimming with tears.
“Loving Lena…” James trailed off. “It isn’t easy.”
“No, it’s not,” Kara said softly. She wiped at her eyes and composed herself.
“I want you to know, I don’t hold any ill will,” James said, and Kara met his eye with a quirk in her brow. “And if things between you two were to–”
“No,” Kara said sharply, looking away as she shook her head. “No, Lena was very clear about her feelings for me. All past tense.”
James exhaled heavily, his brow deeply furrowing. Kara glanced at him, saw in the set of his jaw that he wanted to say something, but when he realized she was watching him his face smoothed, and a smile tugged at his lips. “So what do you say? Want to come back to work?”
Her reply was weak, but genuine. “Yeah.”
“Good.” They sat still until James softly clapped his hands against his thighs. “I’m gonna take off,” he said, standing and Kara stood too.
“Are you sure? We could hang out, get a pizza…”
“I appreciate the offer,” he said as he reached forward and squeezed her arm. “But I think I’m gonna hit the gym and then shoot for a reasonable bedtime. It’s been a day.”
“OK.” Kara twisted her fingers. “Thank you. For the job offer, and–”
He waved her off. “I’ve missed you and I’m happy you’re coming back,” he said and she nodded. She walked him to the door, and hugged him. After he left, she walked back to her couch, curled up in a ball, and tried to sort through the thought of Lena telling James about feelings she claimed to no longer have.
******************************
Her first run in with Lena after their time in Smallville was at a fundraiser for the Luthor Children’s Hosptial. It was an event Kara had agreed to months earlier, before her relationship with Lena had fallen apart. Kara showed up in her Supergirl costume, fists propped on her hips, and the children melted at her wide, joyous smile. Lena was kind as she walked Kara from room-to-room, a gaggle of press, PR and hospital administrators following them. Kara felt her insides roiling as she pretended, as she watched Lena slip through the entire encounter with a serene smile on her lips. An outsider would never know that the two women, talking amiably about a new mural on the hallway wall, had once been close. Kara only saw the toll it was taking on Lena once. When it was time to part, when the group gave them distance as Lena walked Kara to an open window.
“Thank you, Supergirl.”
“It was my pleasure, Ms. Luthor.” Kara looked down, expecting Lena to hold out her hand for a polite handshake but it didn’t come. Kara pressed her lips together as the realization hit, as she understood with startling clarity that touching was a bridge too far for Lena. When Kara looked up and met Lena’s eye, she saw her ruby red smile briefly crack. Kara quickly forced a bright smile to her lips to cover their sorrow.
“Until next time,” Lena said with a nod as she stepped back, and Kara nodded in reply, too overcome to speak. She flew from the building straight to the Fortress, careful to get her crying out before she arrived so as to not alarm Kal and Lois, because in that moment, she couldn’t bear the thought of going home to her apartment or to the house in Smallville.
******************************
Kara’s second encounter with Lena was at a ribbon cutting by the Waterfront, an occassion for the city’s elite to come together and congratulate themselves for investing in the area once devastated by the Daxamites. Lena stood next to Kara so rigidly on the dias that Kara didn’t bother to try to make eye contact before flying away to cheers.
Their third meeting was at a gala for the new mayor’s technology initiative, a fancy affair that once again placed Supergirl amidst the city’s elite. Kara and Lena worked the room like binary stars; pulling people into their orbit as they made their way around the room but never coming close to each other. Kara was careful to compliment Lena when her name was mentioned, and even more careful to never get caught staring, despite the black off-the-shoulder dress Lena wore. Kara left the event drained, and finished the evening with her head on Alex’s shoulder, an empty ice cream carton in hand.
Her fourth run-in with Lena was at a coffee shop. Kara didn’t expect to hear Lena’s heels enter the trendy spot near the embarcadro. She was mid-bite when Lena stepped into line and met her eye, Kara’s eyes going comically wide as her lips closed around the chocolate croissant. Lena offered her a polite nod before she directed her attention to the phone in her hand, and Kara nodded back a second too late, the gesture offered to Lena’s profile. Kara blushed fiercely and pushed her glasses higher on her nose. She faked a phone call from Snapper as she fumbled with her bag, her words mumbled as she quickly chewed and stood. She collected her half-eaten treat and slipped out of the shop before Lena had even made her way to the front of the line.
The fifth meeting was a month later at City Hall. Kara had been surprised by the mayor’s invitation, relayed to her through the DEO. It wasn’t often that she was included in decisions affecting the city, but she arrived at the time she was expected and cheerfully followed the mayor’s secretary into the conference room near his office. It wasn’t until she was inside, the door closed behind her, that she realized there was another person in the room.
“Lena,” Kara said, her jaw dropping. Lena looked up from where she sat at the conference table and her jaw tightened. “I. I.” Kara took a deep breath and panicked. She turned and took two steps for the door when Lena’s voice stopped her in her tracks.
“You don’t have to leave.” Kara turned and looked at Lena cautiously. Lena didn’t meet her eye. “He’ll be here in a minute.”
“OK,” Kara said. She shifted her weight and looked around the room, her fingers twisting before her. “I don’t mind leaving,” she offered. Lena looked to her briefly, eyebrows raised before looking away. “If it makes you uncomfortable to be alone with me.”
“You leaving will draw attention from the secretary,” Lena said coolly.
“I can say I have a call.”
“A call.” Lena smirked. “What a mundane act for the closest thing this world has to a god.”
“I’m not–” Kara cut her heated remark off and swallowed hard, looking to the ground. After a moment spent composing herself, she looked up to find Lena staring at her. Kara didn’t look away. It was only the door opening, the mayor offering spoken apologies for keeping them waiting before he was even two feet inside the room, that had the two women looking away, and schooling their features to be the superhero and the CEO.
“I’m sorry for keeping you both waiting.”
“No apologies necessary, you’re a busy man,” Lena said smoothly and he chuckled in return.
“No more busy than the CEO of National City’s largest conglomerate or National City’s hero.”
“What can we do for you, Mr. Wend?” Kara asked, trying to keep the tension out of her voice as she folded her arms across her chest.
He sighed and held out his hand, inviting Kara to sit opposite Lena; Kara held up her own hand, demuring, and he nodded. He put his hands on the back of a chair at the conference table and spoke. “Ms. Luthor, your application for the new research lab you wish to build has been held up in our planning division.”
“Yes, I know, I’ve called you several times about it,” Lena said, a tight smile on her lips.
He tilted his head to the side, acknowledging. “Well, it’s raised some red flags.”
“How so?” Lena asked, her face turning a little more severe. “We’ve followed the zoning regulations to the letter.”
“It’s not the building that’s the problem,” he said, speaking slowly. “There are a number of city council people and prominent citizens who have… concerns, about what the lab will mean for the city.”
Lena smirked. “What it will mean are jobs and a healthy tax revenue.”
He winced. “Your previous large scale plans haven’t always gone smoothly.” Lena’s face pulled into a tight frown. “The attack by the Daxamites is still fresh in our city’s memory.”
Kara ducked her head and Lena ground her jaw. “I have pledged millions of dollars to the rebuild and have personally overseen–”
He cut her off with an upheld hand. “Nobody doubts your committment to righting that situation.”
“Then what do they doubt?” she asked, eyebrow arching.
He exhaled. “The council will only move your lab’s approval forward on one condition.”
“What?” Kara asked, looking between the two and wondering why she was there.
The mayor looked from Kara to Lena. “The council will only approve the plan if Supergirl oversees the lab’s construction, implementation, and initial operation.”
Lena’s face flushed red. “That’s hardly necessary.”
“On the contrary, Ms. Luthor, many members of the city council feel that it’s not only necessary, but it’s a stipulation they won’t budge on.”
Lena took in a measured breath, her exhale shaky as she tried to manage her anger. “I have been one of this city’s biggest boosters, my philanthropy alone–”
“Nobody is doubting your generousity,” the mayor said, obviously stuck between the accusation and the attempt to placate. “But I think we can all agree that the city has undergone a level of damage that was not experienced prior to your moving here.” Lena looked away. “And many citizens would feel more comfortable with your, projects, if Supergirl were there–”
“To make sure the youngest Luthor doesn’t go down the same path as her demented, world-domineering brother?”
“Ms. Luthor–”
“I should get up and leave right now,” Lena said, shaking her head.
“Ms. Luthor, if you could please be reasonable.”
“Be reasonable?” Lena’s eyebrows arched. “You’re asking me to be reasonable while telling me my corporation needs to be babysat by the city’s superhero because you think its CEO is going to destroy the city.”
“That’s not what I said–”
“It’s what you implied.”
“If you could just see things from the council’s point of view–”
“Mr. Wend,” Kara interrupted, and Lena’s head spun to face Kara, suprised to hear her speak. “If I may?” Kara asked and she saw Lena take in a measured breath out of the corner of her eye. Kara waited a moment and then looked to the Mayor. “Do you know what I would have been if Krypton hadn’t been destroyed? If I had grown up there and never come to Earth?” The mayor shook his head, and Kara could see in his expression that he had never given her life outside of her blue and red suit a single thought. “I would have been a scientist, like Ms. Luthor.”
The mayor looked to Lena before darting his eyes back to Kara. “That’s… very interesting, Supergirl, but I’m not sure I understand–”
“Because of a quirk of biological science, Earth’s yellow sun gives me physical gifts that allow me to protect the citizens of this city from harm,” Kara continued, her eyes never leaving the mayor’s confused face. “I do good things with these gifts because it’s the right thing to do. But those gifts don’t endow me with the right to be judge or jury, and I am certainly not going to use them to be the city council’s enforcer.” She paused, her brow slightly quirking. “I think, sometimes, people think I’m a god because I can bend steel, but the reality of the situation is that I am just a person who is trying to make the world a better place. Like Ms. Luthor.” She glanced at Lena before looking back to the mayor. “Lena Luthor is one of the best people in National City. Her work is benevolent ,and she does what she does for the betterment of Earth. The last thing she needs is me standing over her shoulder while she works, and your assumtion that I would take on that role without asking me first is presumptuous at best.”
The Mayor looked shocked. He chuckled nervously, looking to Lena and then back to Kara. “I’m sorry, Supergirl. It’s just with everything that’s happened in the last few years–”
“You mean, how Ms. Luthor has worked tirelessly by my side to keep the people of Earth safe?” Kara asked. “Ms. Luthor has supported me since she moved to National City, she has helped make this city a better place to live for everyone, and I can honestly say there’s only one other person on this planet I trust as much as Lena Luthor.”
“Superman,” the Mayor said solemnly and Kara darted a quick look to Lena before looking back to the Mayor.
“…Yes, exactly. Superman.” Kara could see Lena’s face momentarily soften as she recognized Kara’s white lie reference to Alex. Kara took a step toward the mayor. “I trust Ms. Luthor. She is kind, and decent, and… And if you and your fellow councilpeople care about this city, you’ll trust her, too.”
“But…” the Mayor trailed off. Kara shrugged her shoulders, the physical act a warning that any agruement against her decision would fail, and the Mayor looked to his feet and then back up. “I’ll take your words to the council.”
“Thank you,” Kara said. “Now if you’ll both excuse me.” She smiled and exited the office without looking back to see the shocked look on the mayor’s face, or the mix of emotions ripping across Lena’s face. Kara ducked into the stairwell and sped to the roof. Once standing in the sunlight, she bent her knees slightly and shot into the sky.
******************************
It was her first time back to Smallville since Lena had left, and Kara landed so softly on the ground that the gravel barely crunched under foot. The flight had helped a little, the wind cooling her cheeks hot with rage and sadness, but her chest was still tight with emotions. She turned in a circle from her place on the drive, taking in the farm. It looked the same, if only slightly more golden as the summer had progressed into early fall. There was no sound except the chirps from birds, the buzz from insects, and her heart pounding wildly in her chest.
She was tired. Tired of being Supergirl, of the expectations everyone had for her, of people using her for their own ends. That Lena thought she was a god… Lena, her Lena, the Lena who she had–
Kara took a deep breath, her trembling fingers wiping at wet eyes. She licked her lips, swallowed hard, and went inside to change into clothes suitable for a day’s work on the farm. She was disappointed to find that today, the work gave her no joy. No peace. And when she flew home to National City, exhausted despite the day spent beneath the sun, she wondered if she would ever feel anything other than grief and heartbreak again.
******************************
“I saw Lena yesterday.” Kara’s head came up from the article she was reading, her eyebrows arched in James’s directon. They were sat side-by-side on the leather couch in his CatCo office, the remnants of their lunch on the coffee table before them. “She was grateful for your help with the mayor last week.”
Kara’s face clouded. “I didn’t help.”
“That’s not what she said.” Kara frowned and returned her eyes to the article. James paused for a long moment before speaking again. “Look, Kara–”
“James,” Kara said, interrupting him with an overly patient sigh. When she met his eye she shrugged, and James nodded, the words ‘stop talking about her with me’ unspoken but understood. Kara wiped at her nose and stuttered briefly as she spoke. “I think the third graf could lose the last sentence.”
James cleared his throat. “I agree.”
Kara nodded, placed the article on the coffee table, and left his office.
******************************
The invitation came to her home a few months later. It was on cream cardstock with curvy gold-accented lettering, and it was addressed to Kara Danvers. L-Corp cordially invites you to a first glimpse walkthrough of their Innovation Lab site, which will put advanced technology in the heart of National City’s rejuvenated Waterfront District. Kara stared at the invitation, her eyes dropping to the line handwritten in black ink along the bottom. I hope you attend, in whatever way makes you most comfortable.
Kara’s brow furrowed. What did that mean? She traced a fingertip along the cursive words. Lena’s handwriting was smooth, no stuttered slips where she might have rethought the words as she was writing them. The invitation was a puzzle. Was Lena expecting her to attend as a superhero? A journalist? Or was it a joke? The thought of Lena asking her to pick a persona, to present a piece of her after she’d offered herself to Lena in whole, burned beneath her skin.
Kara’s cheeks were hot when she placed the invitation in her desk drawer.
******************************
Kara skipped the opening, and it wasn’t even a difficult decision. She packed a small overnight bag and took off straight from breakfast with Alex to Smallville the morning of the event. Once at the farm she changed into a pair of jeans and a flannel, and got to work.
The awkwardness of her last visit was gone, some of the peace of her previous time in Smallville returning, and the thing she found she liked best about the Kent farm was the honesty of it all. It felt honest to decide for herself how she would use her time. How she would admit to herself that she was doing the chores on her list at a human speed because the time it took was time she didn’t have to fill with other things. Time that she could spend working either with or against nature, time that was spent puzzling out an archaic tractor engine or figuring out if her heat vision could remove rust from a combine blade. Time spent trying to avoid the feelings that were twisting her insides.
She took a nap in a hammock when she felt tired, and enjoyed a double scoop ice cream cone on Main Street in town when she craved something sweet. It was simple and safe and kept her from going insane over why Lena had sent a handwritten invitation for her to attend an L-Corp event to her home.
******************************
The rumble that came down the Kent’s drive three days later just before sunset didn’t surprise Kara. Annoyed her, yes, but surprise her, no. Kara stood where the grass met the gravel by the porch as the sleek black car pulled to a stop, as the minutes ticked by before Lena climbed out of the car in her nearly-all black outfit. Their eyes met and Lena exhaled.
“You didn’t get my invitation?”
“I did.”
“Hmm.” Lena nodded and looked around, her eyes squinting in the golden light, her sunglasses folded in her hand.
“How did you get that car here?” Kara finally said, and Lena looked to her with surprise. “I can’t imagine there are many body shops in Kansas who know how to lead-plate a high-performance sports car.”
Lena smirked. She paused for a moment before she pressed a small button on the keyfob in her hand and the car started to shimmer, the black paint splintering into thousands of small pieces that levetated off the car like a swarm of bees.
“Nanotechnology,” Kara said, understanding.
“It’s a rental,” Lena said before pressing the button again and pocketing the keys, the nanites settling back onto the surface of the car. “Even Kansas City has a rental car market for people in my price range.”
Kara rolled her eyes.
“You didn’t come to the Lab event,” Lena said and Kara’s face hardened.
“I had other plans.”
Lena’s eyebrows arched. “This?”
Kara flexed her jaw. “I didn’t like the invitation.”
“Which part?” Lena challenged. “The part where I personally invited you with a handwritten note, or that I said that you could come in whatever persona you wished.”
“That part,” Kara said peevishly and Lena’s jaw tightened. “If you wanted Supergirl there you could have–”
“Shone a giant symbol in the sky like Gotham does for the Bat?” Lena spit. She shifted her weight. “This wasn’t about asking Supergirl to hover over me as I spoke in some sort of respectability play.”
“Then what?” Kara asked, heated. “You tell me that you want me to treat you professionally when we meet in National City and then you send me a handwritten invitation to my home, you tell me you don’t want to ever be alone with me again, yet you’re here– Lena.” Kara exhaled, tears stinging her eyes. “Do you have any idea how confusing this is? How much it hurts?”
Lena didn’t reply.
“Or is that the point?” Kara asked and she saw the words land like a blow.
“I am not cruel,” Lena said slowly.
“Well this feels cruel.”
Lena ducked her head. She swallowed like she was trying to clear a bad taste from her mouth and then looked back up. “I’m seeing a therapist.”
Kara didn’t shift her defensive position. “Kelly–”
“No, not my ex-boyfriend's sister,” Lena said pointedly and it was silent a moment as both absorbed the barb. “A therapist,” Lena tried again, her voice full of forced calm, “who thinks I need to confront you.”
Kara let the words settle. “You were going to confront me at your L-Corp event.”
Lena shrugged her shoulder. “Not in public.”
“That is so–”
“She thinks I let you off too easy.”
“Easy,” Kara repeated. “Nothing about this has been easy.”
“She thinks that I have hidden my feelings from you to my own detriment.” Kara was quiet. “That I can’t move on because I can’t let go.”
“Of what?” Kara asked, ashamed by how much hope her voice carried.
Lena briefly paused. “Of the idea that this is a bad dream. And that when I wake up, I’ll still have my best friend.”
“I haven’t gone anywhere.” Lena just stared, her eyes starting to fill with tears and Kara took a tentative step forward. “I haven’t gone anywhere, Lena.”
Lena stared until she couldn’t take it anymore; she put her hands over her face and took in a deep breath, the exhale shakey and muffled against her skin, and she turned and paced away. Kara watched, helpless, as Lena stopped, her shoulders hunched. After a long moment Lena turned back to face Kara, her eyes red rimmed. “My therapist said I don’t need to forgive you.”
“You don’t,” Kara admitted, and Lena nodded. “Does your therapist know I’m Supergirl?”
“Of course not,” Lena said, her offense that Kara might think that she’d betray Kara’s secret genuine.
Kara took that in, then cocked her head. “Did your therapist tell you to yell at me?”
Lena’s eyebrow arched. “And stare daggers at you.”
The callback to Lena’s first visit to the Kent farm made Kara laugh ruefully. She clapped her hands on her sides and then squinted at Lena. “Do you want to go into town for some ice cream?” Lena’s face crumpled in confusion. “We can take your… whatever that is, or go in Clark’s truck.” Lena’s look didn’t change and Kara sighed. “The place in town doesn’t have honey lavendar but I think you’d like their vanilla.” When Lena kept quiet, Kara frowned. “Look, I broke something when I was moving a machine in the barn right before you got here that I’m pretty sure carried sentimental value for my cousin, and I could really use a pick me up before you start yelling at me.”
Lena licked her lips. “OK.”
“Yeah?” Kara asked and Lena nodded. “Great.” Kara rushed into the house and then returned with her glasses on. “Which car are we… and you’re getting in your rental.” She followed Lena into the car and they headed toward town.
******************************
They sat on the bench in town enjoying their ice cream without speaking. Kara smiled at the people walking by and Lena sat stiff by her side, her eyes mostly trained on the ice cream cone in her hand. When they were finished they drove back to the farm in silence, the nanotech temporarily removed after Kara complained that it was too quiet inside the car and that she was feeling clausterphobic. They parked in the drive next to the farmhouse and Lena was still silent, her hands falling from the leather steering wheel to rest on her lap. Kara waited, and waited, and after another 15 minutes of silence, she spoke. “I’m gonna go inside.” Lena’s jaw tightened. “When you’re ready…” Lena nodded sharply and Kara exited the car.
Kara entered the house, closing the screen door quietly behind her. She was sick of the sound the aluminum frame would make when the door snapped shut. She entered the kitchen and paced for a moment, not quiet sure what to do while she waited. She was heading into the living room to read when the front door open and Lena appeared. Kara stopped short and flinched when the screen door slammed shut behind her. Lena quietly shut the wood front door and met Kara’s eye.
“The thing you broke in the barn: Was it mechanical?”
“It was a lamp.”
Lena wrung her fingers together as she spoke, her eyebrows arched. “Maybe I could try to fix it, before I leave.”
Kara looked at Lena, dumbfounded. “I don’t think you– I shattered the stain glass shade, so…” She trailed off and Lena nodded. Silence sat between them until Kara cleared her throat. “You didn’t trust Supergirl.” Lena looked up, surprised. “In the beginning, when you were new to National City; there was something, false, in our early meetings. Transactional. But not with Kara Danvers. You were curious about me in a way that felt genuine. Almost accidental, like you were surprised you cared.”
“I did care,” Lena said softly. “More than I ever expected I would.”
Kara looked down and removed her glasses, placing them on the banquette to her left. “I’m so sorry I lied to you, Lena, that I hurt you. I told myself that I did it because I wanted to keep you safe, and I wanted to keep you happy, and in reality–”
“You wanted to keep me,” Lena finally said. Kara nodded somberly as she met Lena’s eye. “I thought when I told you that I’d helped Lex that I would lose you. I think I thought I deserved to lose you.”
“But I didn’t go anywhere.”
“No,” Lena said, shaking her head. “A version of you forgave me.”
Kara pressed her lips together tightly, the heels of her palms digging into her eyes before she dropped her hands to her sides. “I’m not two different people, Lena– I. I shouldn’t have kept my identities separate for so long, it was a mistake, it was a mistake that was so big, so, monumentally huge that I… I think I knew that I would lose you when you found out the truth. This,” she gestured between them. “I did this. I know that. But Lena, if you want to fix it, I want to try.”
“My therapist says I'm confused. Or.” Lena winced. “Confusing my feelings for you with my feelings about Lex. Because he told me about you, because I have… family trauma... It's bleeding into my true feelings about your reveal.”
“Which are…”
“Anger, and hurt.” Lena flexed her jaw. “Because I thought we were so much more…” Lena looked up and met Kara’s eye. “To finally see you—all of you—through Lex’s eyes? For him to be the one that was honest?” She swallowed hard. “You’re not a god. But you’re not a small town girl made big city reporter, either.”
“But I am,” Kara argued softly. “Kara Danvers is a part of me.”
Lena nodded. “Part.” They regarded each other. “And part of you is an alien who lost everything.”
“Like you,” Kara said and Lena’s brow quirked. “A girl who lost everything.”
Lena shook her head. “My mother just felt like my whole world. You… You lost your family, your culture–”
“And I have lived on Earth longer than I lived on Krypton,” Kara said. “I’ve been this longer than I was the girl who, played beneath a red sun and was destined for the Science Guild.” Kara exhaled. “My cousin is on Argo City right now, and, he offered to trade places with me so I could spend time with my mother and the thought of it…”
“What?”
“It makes me feel nervous because, I don’t fit in there.” Kara sighed. “When I went to Argo last year, I went out to dinner with my childhood best friend. And she was talking about a life that I… Supergirl, Earth, is too big a part of me now. Kara Danvers is too big a part of me now. You, Lena–”
“Which do you feel more comfortable being?” Lena interrupted and Kara looked chastened.
“It’s not an either or,” Kara said. “I am both. All the time.”
Lena nodded her head. “But surely you prefer one?” Kara shifted, uncomfortable. “The power of Supergirl, to be able to fly–”
“I love to fly,” Kara said. “And, it does feel good to feel powerful.” She watched as some sort of confirmation registered on Lena’s face. “But, power isn’t what I like about being Supergirl. I like being helpful. It’s why I like being a reporter, why I like being there for my friends.”
“Friends,” Lena murmured. “When we were trying to find a cure for Sam you wanted me to be friends with Supergirl.”
“That…” Kara winced. “I knew I had made a mistake and I wanted–”
“To make me trust you.”
“Not make,” Kara said. “Earn. I wanted to find out what I had to do to re-earn your trust.”
“While still lying to me.”
“I’m not perfect,” Kara snapped as she ducked her head. She exhaled forcefully through her nose, her hands going to her hips. “James said loving you isn’t easy, and Lena…” Kara looked up. “I didn’t know how important you’d be to me until you already were, and I didn’t know how to, undo the harm that I was causing by lying so I just, kept doing it because being without you was too terrifying to even think about and…” She squeezed at her waist. “I love you.” Kara shrugged. “I will stay away from you if that’s what you want, but if you want to know how I feel, I want to be with you, Lena, I want you, I want…” She took a big, shuddered breath. “I want to be the person who makes you feel safe, and happy, but if I am the one who brings you pain–”
“You do,” Lena croaked and the sound broke Kara. She nodded sadly, her eyes filling with tears. Lena took a deep breath. “It hurts to think about you. To be around you and…” Kara looked up. “And I sometimes can’t breath when I remember that I’ve cut you out of my life.”
The words shocked Kara. She didn’t know what to say, a million replies crashing inside of her brain. She finally just took a step forward, and then another until she was close enough to reach for Lena. Kara wanted to hold out her hand, wanted to scoop Lena into a hug but it felt like such a fragile moment that all she could do was stand in front of Lena and speak in a whisper. “What do you want from me?”
Lena was silent. She licked her lips, her eyes averted. “Some days I want to punch you in the face until you bleed.” Kara closed her eyes for a long moment and then opened them to find Lena staring at her intently. “And other days I want to take you to bed.” The words were spoken so quickly Lena was out of breath as she finished, and the words, they hit Kara low in the gut. “But maybe…” Lena said as she crossed her arms tight around her chest. “Maybe we’re like that broken stained glass shade and we can’t be fixed…”
They were quiet a beat. “Or maybe we’re like the oven and we just need some outside help,” Kara said. They met each other’s eye.
Lena regarded Kara for a long moment, the look on Lena’s face wavering between fear and hope. “Why did you say what you said about me to the Mayor?”
“Because it’s the truth.”
“The truth?”
“Yes.”
Lena looked away and cleared her throat.
“Lena–”
“The man you saw me with, at the restaurant in National City?” Lena said and Kara’s brow knit. “He’s an investor from China. I didn’t correct you when you said that he was my date to hurt you.” Kara swallowed her surprise. “I’m sick of hurting,” Lena said as she met Kara’s eye. “And I’m sick of hurting you because when I do I feel my heart breaking all over again.”
Kara nodded. “What do you want to do?”
Lena took a deep breath and looked around the room, her eyes darting until they finally settled on Kara again. Lena licked her lips and shrugged, then shrugged again, incapable of saying the truth Kara could see fighting to break free. “Can I see the broken lamp?”
Kara was surprised, but she nodded. She took Lena to the barn, the crisp early fall air sending their breaths out in little puffs before them as they walked. The overhead light flickered twice as electricity hummed through the ancient wires, and they stood shoulder-to-shoulder next to the broken lamp shade, half in shadow. Kara blushed as they looked down at the shards of multi-color glass on the dirt floor, her hand coming up to rub the back of her neck sheepishly. “I was going to clean it up, but I heard your car–” She didn’t get the rest of the sentence out because Lena’s lips were suddenly pressed against hers, swallowing the sound. Kara froze, and then relaxed, returning the kiss as Lena’s hand squeezed her bicep tightly. When they pulled apart, Lena swallowed hard.
“I haven’t forgiven you.”
“OK,” Kara whispered.
“Can I stay tonight?”
“Yes.”
******************************
When Kara woke up, Lena was in her bed, which was a surprise because they hadn't fallen asleep like that. Lena had taken the room she'd slept in on her previous trip to Smallville, the door slamming after their quiet conversation on the porch post-kiss had turned into a screaming match in the kitchen. When Kara had finally succumbed to sleep just hours before dawn, she could hear Lena still tossing and turning down the hall.
Kara stared at Lena. Her face was resting on her hands, folded neatly between her cheek and the pillow. Her black hair was loose and spilling around her head, a sharp contrast to the white pillowcase. Her face was bare, Lena having taken the time to remove her makeup after storming off to bed. Kara stared, and marveled at the sight of Lena’s soft breath moving past what she now knew were soft lips. Kara was so entranced that she missed signs of awakening, and when Lena’s eyes fluttered open, Kara looked away quickly, embarrased to have been caught staring.
"Good morning,” Lena murmured, her voice thick from sleep.
“Good morning,” Kara whispered back. She looked to see Lena staring at her. “Why…?”
"I couldn't sleep,” Lena said. “It was too distracting having you in the other room."
"Oh."
They were going to be tired. The room was just shifting from a dawn blue glow to yellow as the sun rose and neither had gotten enough sleep. “Are you going back to National City today?” Lena asked and Kara shook her head.
"I wasn't planning on it."
"Can I stay?”
The question was plain and carried no conditions. “Yes.”
They rose from bed and went about their day. A drone dropped off materials for a project Lena had started in the kitchen, and Kara only lightly protested when the drone took the carefully boxed up pieces of the stained glass lamp shade with it as it left. The nanite-covered car in the drive was no longer an ominous harbinger, or a thorny reminder, but a symbol of the effort Lena had gone through to be there.
They made dinner quietly together that night. It was companionable and easier than either expected given the distrust and distance they both still felt. They continued their time together on the couch as they read side-by-side, until Lena climbed into Kara’s lap with purpose, kissed Kara with purpose, and ground her hips down into Kara’s with intent. They were both breathless when they finally broke apart, Lena’s hands buried in Kara’s hair, Kara’s fingertips digging into Lena’s hips. "Take me to bed,” Lena said softly, and Kara nodded.
They made love. It was tentative and slow, and full of quiet whispers in the dark. Kara was gentle and Lena was patient, and it didn’t fix anything other than break open a path to a future they had each given up on. They returned to National City the next day. The next week, Lena’s therapist became their therapist, and a month after that, Kara gently flew the repaired stained glass shade back to Smallville. The stained glass shade wasn’t the same as before Kara broke it, but the new iteration was beautiful and solid.
Kara took Lena to Smallville when Kal-El and Lois returned home with their son. Lena held Kara’s hand as she cried, both with happiness that Kal had a family and at how much Kal and Lois’s son looked like the baby Kara had been sent to Earth to protect. Lois and Kal didn’t have to accept Lena on that trip—the younger sister of the man who tormented them—but they did, and it was a gesture that did more to solidify Kara and Lena’s growing relationship than any of them realized at the time.
It was a combination of time and work that allowed them to build trust back into their relationship. For Lena to accept and see Kara in whole, separate from the Supers of her family’s obsession, and for Kara to confide in Lena the fears she had about who she was and what she could become as she aged slower than the people she loved. They were married in a simple ceremony in Smallville, surrounded by the people they loved, and their daughter was born on Argo the following year. Their life as a family in National City wasn’t smooth, it was often dangerous, but they got through it together. And every time Kal, Lois and their son left world for Argo, the Danvers-Luthor family made Smallville their temporary home.