Chapter Text
“I’m safe with you,” I say into his skin, “You’re mine,”
He chuckles, hands tracing my bare skin where the light is drifting through the window and falling down onto us. “I’ll protect you,” He says, pressing his lips to my forehead softly, “I’ll protect you from anything.”
I giggle, swinging my leg over his waist to straddle his hips, “Food.” I groan loudly, “Protect me from death by getting me food.”
“Get yourself food,” Brendon says, holding my hips in place. “I’m comfy,”
I mewl, trying to shift off of him but he doesn’t let me, “Brendon,” I whine, stringing out my words for him to just laugh at. “Lemme go,”
“Never,” He grips my waist tighter, leaving fingerprints over the ones he made the day before. He guides my neck down to catch my lips between his. “Morning breath,” He says when we pull away from each other.
Smiling still, I drag myself out of his lap and rifle through the box he had brought, “Ooh sour patch kids,”
“Oi” I say jokingly, throwing the packet at him when I stand up, “Were you staring at my ass?”
“Of course,” He says without shame. “Sit,”
He gestures vaguely for me to sit back down in his lap and I do, plopping down without any grace and almost falling in the process. I tear open the packet, placing one in my mouth and squeezing my eyes shut when it gets too sour. Laughing, Brendon runs his hands up my thighs, squeezing lightly and innocently but the touch still makes me blush.
“I love you,” He says, his features turn down when he frowns and he seems to remember something he wishes he didn’t. “When are you going home?”
“Tomorrow,” I sigh. His eyes look at mine with the same in love look I see in my own whenever I look in the mirror. “I’ll miss you.”
Frowning, he plays with the sheets around us to distract himself. “I quit my job.”
Okay was not expecting that.
My eyes widen and I lean forwards to rub my nose against his lightly. “Why?”
“I couldn’t go through with building over your safe pace.”
I shake my head, cupping his jaw, “You’re my safe space now.”
Shaking his head, he smiles, watching me eat my candy with his hands resting firmly on my hips once again. “I love you”
“I love you too,” I say honestly.
His brown eyes stare up into my honey ones and the faint blush that spreads across my cheeks is definitely noticeable. When his glance flickers down onto my chest he drags a plumb bottom lip through his teeth, he smirks, seeing my hum under his gaze before staring back up into my eyes.
“What are you going to do with your life now then?” I ask, not shielding my body from his sight and letting him see what he wants.
“Figured that maybe I could come back with you,” He says quietly. “We don’t have to live together or anything and I get that it’s barely been a week, I just don’t want you to slip away.”
My arms wrap around his neck and I grin against his skin, my teeth grazing over his shoulder when I pull him closer, “You’re gonna get me hard again,” Brendon laughs, nestling his face in my hair and combing his fingers through the ends.
“Tough.” I don’t let him go, savouring his warmth and the roughness of his hands on my torso. “I want to cuddle,”
“Then cuddles you shall get,”
I yelp, Brendon flipping us over so I’m lying on my back with him sprawled over me. He locks our hands together, not letting go until he falls asleep against my chest and all there is left to do is look up at the bare ceiling, no words on my lips that I haven’t had the chance to utter and a smile taking its place.
Smiling is really underrated.
.
When I was 7 my mom bought me a notebook. I had opened the pages and found then blank and didn’t really understand it. She explained to me that I had to write in it, that I had to fill each page with my darkest thoughts and string words together in a way for me to understand. “Keep it safe,” She told me, quoting whatever movie she had just watched to try and seem ominous. “It’s special,”
I believed her, in the notebook I didn’t store words, I stored memories. The good, the bad, everything that’s ever happened to me.
My dad is in those pages, things I’ve always wanted to forget but never had the power to get rid of. My fears are in those pages on the same lines as my hopes as though to say they aren’t different at all.
I took the notebook everywhere, whether it was in my back pocket or just in the suitcase I had decided to leave at the room through anxiety the of losing it. It had power over me, and I didn’t like that.
I weigh the book in my hands, throwing it up and down and only just catching it each time. “Are you sure Ry?” Brendon asks, taking my hand in his and squeezing lightly. “You don’t have to do this.”
Breathing in sharply, I smile, “I want to.”
I throw the old, tattered book into the waves, letting the water wash it away and drag it out into see, dragging it under the water with simple motions until I can’t see it anymore.
“Those were your memories,” Brendon notes, pulling me closer to him “You just let them go.”
“Yeah,” I say like it’s obvious. “I can make new ones.”
“Together?” He asks, eyes flicking to me with curiosity embedded in his irises.
“Together.” I say.
When we drive back to mine and Spencer’s apartment our hands don’t separate once, we let the road guide us wherever it wants to but when we finally get there we don’t go up straight away. We look around, take a look at the life around us and imagine a future. In every thought I had there was Brendon, Brendon and me.
That’s something I can get used to.